The Runner

 

Okay, this is kinda like an alternate ending, except absolutely everything that happens in the movie, happened. This is just a little extra that could have happened at the end, because the real ending was so inconclusive. I don’t own these characters. Its told from Edward’s POV, btw.

 

 

I go back into Karina’s hospital room, still wet from Deepthroat’s gmae. But that’s over now. Deepthroat is brutally cruel, but he is a man of his word. I open the door. Karina is holding the baby. She looked up at me and her eyes flash in anger. She thinks I’ve come for the baby and holds him protectively to her chest.

 

“Get out Edward, just leave us alone,” Karina says furiously.

 

“Its over,” I tell her.

 

“Too goddamn right its over!” she agrees, obviously meaning our relationship. She doesn’t raise her voice, afraid of disturbing our son, but the hatred she feels for me is clear in her voice.

 

“I passed Deepthroat’s test. The baby’s safe,” I say. She looks shocked and for a moment, I am sure I see a flicker of the familiar love in her eyes. After so many months of not seeing her, I’ve never missed her more than I do right now, when she’s in the same room as me holding our beautiful baby, realising that some part of her at least, still loves me.

 

“What did he do to you?” she asks, curious.

 

“The sprinklers at the baseball field. But I survived and we won’t hear from the bastard again,” I say, longing to move closer to the bed to look at my son and know that he really is safe.

 

“You really trust Deepthroat?” she asks skeptically. I understand why she is suspisious, she doesn’t know his game like I do.

 

“Yes. Don’t you see? None of this was about me, or the baby, or you, it was never personal, its all business to him. The way he sees it, my debt’s paid. He doesn’t care whether I’m alive or dead, whether it was me or our son he toyed with, he never did. But he’s done with us now, and we can get on with our lives,” I please with her. I hope that “our” lives is the three of us together, not her and the baby with me away on my own and missing them like crazy.

 

“Do you know what you’ve done to us Edward? Do you have any idea?” Karina asks sadly. She knows I want her back, I need her back, that I love her. Her face and voice tell me nothing to help me guess whether she feels the same way I do.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry. You’ll never really know how much I hate myself for hurting the two of you,” I say. I have a feeling I’m going to cry at any minute. “I love you Karina. Please give me another chance. If you’ll let me, I’ll spend my whole life showing you how much I love you and how sorry I am for putting you through this.”

 

“I know you love me,” she says softly. I notice she is no longer clutching our baby as if she’s afriad I’ll snatch him from her and take him away for Deepthroat to kill.

 

“I really do,” I add. “Do you think maybe you could ever love me again some day?”

 

“I don’t know Edward. I mean, I do love you, despite everything. But I can’t trust you. You lied to me about so much,” she says. I nod. I have been expecting her to say she can’t trust me. Hell, most of the time, I can’t trust myself.

 

“Karina, please believe me, I will never place another bet as long as I live. I’ll do any job I can get, flipping burgers or sweeping streets, anything. I just need you to give me a chance.”

 

“Do you honestly expect me to forgive you Edward? After everything you’ve done! For fuck’s sake, you would have let him kill my son!” she has raised her voice and the baby starts to cry. Tears glisten on Karina’s cheeks too, and I know I won’t be able to keep my own tears back much longer. She rocks the baby gently, which seems to calm them both down a little.

 

“No,” I admit hoarsely. I honestly don’t EXPECT her to, I just desperately want her to.

 

“Then why are you here?”

 

“Because I love you and I know I don’t deserve another chance, but I’m begging you to give me one, because I can’t live without you Karina,” I sob despairingly.

 

“I’m sorry Edward. Really I am, I’m sorry, but I can’t trust you. And I can’t be in a relationship with someone I can’t trust. Please Edward, just leave us alone.” She is breaking my heart, but I think its breaking hers too.

 

“Can I hold him just once?” I ask, “please?” She looks at my hopeless face and nods. I slowly approach them and she hands him to me. He is so soft and delicate, perfect. I’m so scared of hurting him. His toothless mouth stetches open into a yawn, and I gently stroke the silky fine baby hair. Karina watches us closely, but if she’s still afraid I’ll take him away from her, she doesn’t show it, and she doesn’t try to rush me. I think we both know deep down that this is the only time I’ll ever hold our child.

 

“He looks like you,” she says eventually. “He has your eyes.” I smiled down at him and nod, but I don’t even glance up at Karina. For the moment, the only thing I care about is the tiny baby in my arms.

 

“Have you given him a name?” I ask her.

 

“Nathan Alexander,” she tells me, smilingly lovingly. I wish her smile was meant for me, but she’s only looking at Nathan.

 

“Hi Nathan,” I whisper. For a second, I could swear we make I contact, even though I know he’s too young to really see me, much less know that I’m his Daddy. “I love you buddy,” don’t you ever forget that. No matter what, I love you,” I promise him. I realise I’m glad he’s too young to be able to understand, because then he’ll never have to miss me as much as I know I’ll miss him.

 

A nurse comes in to check on Nathan and Karina, ruining the fragile moment. I look up, guiltily, as if I have no right to be holding my own son. I kiss his sweet smelling forhead and reluctantly hand him back to Karina.

 

“Can we have a moment?” I ask the nurse, trying not to sound as irritated as I feel. She nods and leaves us alone for a while longer.

 

“Edward-“ Karina begins but I cut her off.

 

“Don’t. Please. Its ok, I’ll go,” I tell her, only to save us both more heartache, especially her. I’m tired of hurting her. I take Nathan out of her arms again and kiss his cheek, breathing in the sweet baby smell of him. I put him down in the little cot next to Karina’s bed, and he whimpers at being put down, but he doesn’t cry. I lean over the bed and hug Karina. She hesitates for a second, and then her arms tighten around me. I bury my face in her shoulder and try to imprint the moment on my memory. I kiss her cheek and she pushes me away slightly so we can kiss properly. But its bittersweet because we both know nothing’s changed.

 

When we finally let go I pause to drop a light kiss on her forhead, then I leave the room before I can lose my resolve. I walk down the bleak hospital corridor with tears on my cheeks, but I don’t care. I don’t care anymore whether anyone sees me. I just don’t care about anything anymore. I’ve lost the only two people in the world that I love, and now I have nothing. Nothing except this tormenting guilt about everything I’ve done to Karina. We could have been so happy together, and I threw it all away for a lousy few thousand bucks.

 

I go back to my empty apartment. There is still a chip in the wall from where I shot myself. Was it really only hours ago? So much has happened. The only good thing being that Deepthroat didn’t take Nathan. I begin to think that the worst thing that’s happened to me, is that I didn’t die on the baseball field. I think Karina would agree, considering how much pain I caused me.

 

I find the gun. For a moment I’m surprised that its still there, waiting for its suicidal, fucked up owner to return. Maybe the paramedics aren’t allowed to take things, even guns, from their patients homes. Or maybe they just never expected me to make it. I wish I hadn’t.

 

I pick it up, praying I’ll be successful this time. Just like last time, I point it at the wall, positioning it so that when the bullet ricochetes off the wall, it will be aimed directly at my head.

 

“I’m sorry Karina,” I mutter as I fire it.

 

And then I float away.

 

THE END

 

Okay, okay, so I killed Edward, and I’m deeply sorry ;) Btw, the baby’s named after my two one year old cousins, Nathan Hill and Alexander Hobbs.