Broken Hearts (part 9)

The day of Daniel's check up was different. Chandler woke up early, before Monica, who had been up most of the night, with Daniel. He crept out of bed and tip-toed into the nursery. Chandler stood over Daniel and watched him sleep. his fine, dark hair fell over his forehead. His clear blue eyes were closed, black eyelashes resting on his sleep flushed cheeks. Chandler hadn't been there long when Daniel's eyes fluttered open and he looked at Chandler.

"Hey there, little guy," Chandler cooed. Daniel smiled up at him. "Mommy's taking you to the doctors today, but don't be scared, coz its just a check up. no nasty jabs or anything this time." chandler picked up the baby and rocked him gently. He stroked the soft baby hair and realised how much he had missed Daniel.

Over the last three weeks, he had avoided touching him whenever possible, not wanting to get too close to the child, in case he had to lose him. Chandler had left most of the work to monica, lying awake in bed while she got up in the middle of the night when Daniel cried. Sitting on the couch, pretending to watch TV when she had to walk round and round the living room if Daniel wouldn't stop crying.

Now though, the baby lay quiet and smiling in Chandler's arms, and Chandler knew he couldn't not love this little person. Although he had insisted on the paternity test, he still didn't really belive that the perfect child he was holding could be Mark's.

Chandler carried him inot the kitchen and made french toast, cereal, coffee and orange juice for Monica, which he put on a tray, alonside a dark pink tulip which he stole from a bouquet Joey had left on the counter of his apartment for the woman he was currently dating. Monica woke up to find Chandler and her son sitting on her bed, a tray of breakfast things on the dresser.

"Morning," she said sleepliy, wondering if she was dreaming the look on Chandler's face.

"Hi. Before you have breakfast, you should probably know that I think he's hungry again," Chandler said apologetically. Since she hadn't gone back to work, monica had been breastfeeding Daniel all the time, and while Chandler wanted her to enjoy her breakfast, he knew that would be impossible when Daniel's squirms and whimpers progressed to screams and wails.

“Okay, come here sweetheart,” she said, holding her arms out. Chandler placed the baby into them. Chandler left the room while she fed Daniel. He just didn’t feel comfortable watching. Too much had happened between them for that.

Monica didn’t call Chandler back when Daniel was done feeding. She didn’t want him to feel forced to make small talk with her. She could guess how he felt, knowing that his time with Daniel could be limited. Monica was still convinced that it was Chandler’s baby, but she was less sure that even if Daniel was Chandler’s baby, whether things between her and Chandler could ever go back to normal.

Just three hours later, Monica and Daniel were on their way to the doctor’s. Chandler had wanted to go too, but hadn’t managed to get up the courage to ask Monica if he could, and he felt like he did have to ask. So he was stuck waiting alone at the apartment. The others didn’t understand why he was so worked up about it, as far as they were concerned it was juts a regular check up. Chandler himself knew that today would be the day he found out how many days he would have to wait until he knew for sure if he was a father.

An hour and a half later, Monica and Daniel got home. Monica looked angry and Daniel was crying. Chandler jumped up nervously.

“Did you ask the doctor?” he asked, practically jumping up and down with nerves.

“Yes. First I had to sit through a lecture about why I shouldn’t sleep around. He basically called me a slut, to my face. Then he said he can’t do the blood test until Daniel is three months old. You and Mark can have blood samples taken before then. Then they just take a sample from Daniel and a few hours later, we’ll know,” Monica explained. Her angry tone made Daniel’s crying worse. “And he hasn’t stopped crying since we left the apartment, I don’t know what’s the matter with him,” she said, exasperated.

Chandler took Daniel and paced the apartment with the baby pressed against his chest. Another six weeks until they would know! He couldn’t believe it. He knew they wouldn’t find out today, but he had hoped it would be soon.

“I hate this!” Monica said, slumping onto the couch.

“You hate it?” Chandler said wryly. “How do you think I feel?” Monica was silent.

The next six weeks were the closest thing to normal that they could be, under the circumstances. Chandler and Monica hardly ever talked, and when they did, it was only about their other friends, or occassionally about Daniel. Chandler no longer touched Monica at night, and she was glad she didn't have to endure his uncaring touch, but she still missed the loving kisses and tender caresses from before Cahndler found out. But she missed even more the way he loved her before she started her affair with Mark. It was onyl a year ago, but she could barely remember what it felt like to make love to Chandler with no guilt.

"i'm going to the doctor's tomorrw," Chandler informed her about a month later. Monica looked up, for a moment forgetting that Chandler had to have a blood test to see whether he was Daniel's father, and she was concerned at what was the matter with Chandler that he had to see a doctor about. "The blood test," he reminded her, seeing the look on her face. She nodded.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," monica said weakly.

Not even half an hour after Chandler left, there was a knock on the door. She answered it with Daniel in her arms.

"Hi," mark greeted her. "hi Daniel."

"hi," monica answered. She let him kiss her quickly, then the three of them went inside.

"Have you had your blood test yet?" she asked, over a salad lunch, while Daniel sat in his high chair, watching them intently.

"Yeah, a couple of days ago," Mark told her.

"Chandler's gone today."

"So I dont' have long with him today? If Chandler's coming back soon."

"No, he's going to work afterwards," Monica said.

"Okay," Mark said with a smile. He took Daniel out of the high chair and carried him over to the couch, where he started gently tickling the baby's small feet. "Mon, seriously, thanks for letting me see him," Mark said.

"Its only fair," she muttered. She had only agreed to let Mark see Daniel because she knew there was a chance that he was the father, no matter how much she tried to deny it, and it would be unfair to stop him seeing his son, if Daniel was his son.

Mark knew this and appreciated it, not only becaus he wanted to see Daniel, but because he wanted to see monica. And seeing her under the pretense of seeing Daniel had meant she was unguarded, which was how Mark had managed to end up in bed with her. She hated herself for it, but somehow in the last couple of weeks, they had developed an easy relationship. He rarely cam over without wanting sex. She kenw this and put up with it for Daniel's sake, in case he was Mark's son.

Daniel fell asleep about an hour after Mark arrived, after they'd eated lunch and he had been fed. Monica laid him gently in his cot and waited a while before returning to the livingroom, captivated by the marvel that was her son.

When she went out into the livingroom, she smiled and went straight into Mark's arms. He kissed her deeply and slid his arms around her small waist. H tried ot take her into her bedroom, but she had never let him through the door. Beyond that door was reserved for her and Chandler, no one else, especially not her lover. Mark was slightly irked by this, but as Monica's hand slid into his boxers, he forgot it all.

Monica liked Mark a lot. After spending so long with Chandler, with the stain of acting like nothing was the matter, when she couldnt' relax around him, who she loved beyond reason despite how tense things had been between them. Being with Mark was something of a relief. He didn’t force himself on her, always asked, never turned up when she wasn’t expecting him, and he was good with Daniel. When Chandler had been ignoring the baby, Mark’s ease with him had been great. When he was there, Monica could relax for a couple of hours.

Monica was always careful that Chandler never knew Mark had been to the apartment. She knew her relationship with Chandler had no chance if he caught her and Mark again. She had actually started to wonder if it did anyway, but she wasn’t prepared to throw away any chance there still was.

Mark had been gone almost an hour before Chandler got home. He was looking nervous, the blood test having reminded him that it was only two weeks until Daniel’s test, and finding out who his father was. Monica had perfected the art of acting as though nothing was wrong, she’d had had a year to practise.

The following two weeks seemed to drag by, yet by the time Daniel’s blood test arrived it seemed like no time at all had passed. Chandler had tried to be as normal as possible, but it was so hard for him. He didn’t know anymore if he loved Monica. He knew he loved Daniel, but since he would either have both of them or neither of them, he assumed he loved Monica as well. Monica just let him do his own thing, knowing she had no right to demand his love when she was cheating on him once again.

On the day of Daniel’s test, Chandler couldn’t concentrate on anything. He kept talking to his friends and then trailing off halfway through a sentence or suddenly realizing that he had no idea of what they were talking about.

“So he was just standing there, covered in shaving foam, toilet roll everywhere, towels soaking wet on the floor, and all I could think was how cute he looked," Ross said, obviously finishing a story about Ben. Chandler hadn't been paying attention, and had no idea of the details, but simply hearing the loving tone in Ross's voice told him how much Ross loved his son. Chandler wondered miserably if he would even have a son to love after today.

"I wish Frank and Alice had let me keep one of the babies," Phoebe said.

"Aww, honey, you know you couldn't have one really," Rachel said comfortingly.

"Yeah, i know. But I looked after them all by myself for nine months," Phoebe pointed out.

"I could never be pregnant. too much pain," joey said.

"Yeah, but at least you'd have a reason to eat weird food all the time," ross joked.

"Yeah, but I'd be throwing up all the time, a waste of good sandwhiches if you ask me," joey said.

"At least you'd know it was your baby, although with the number of girls you date, its anybody's gues who the mother would be," Rachel said.

"Its not fair, is it? Some girl loves Joey with all her heart, thinks he feels the same way, then he gets pregnant, she's delighted. And then she might not even be the mother after all, because joey is ruled by the Little General," chandler said bitterly.

"Hey!" joey said.

"sorry Man, we were just joking around," ross said.

"Sorry Chandler," Rachel said.

"But Daniel's still yours isn't he? moncia might cheat, but she's not stupid. She would have used protection," Phoebe said.

"It doesn't always work Phoebs," Chandler said miserably.

"come on Chandler, you can't really believe that Daniel is Mark's son. I found it hard to believe that Monica would cheat in the first place. But I know she wouldn't have had anyone else's baby," Ross defended his little sister.

"I'm not saying she deliberately got pregnant with another man's child. I'm just saying there is a chance," Chandler said. "Which is why Daniel's having a paternity test today," he added, sounding more depressed than ever.

"Wow. I can't believe you dont' trust her," ross said, shocked.

"Trust has to be earned," Chandler pointed out.

"I can't believe you haven't killed yourself," Phoebe said.

"Wow, thanks for the encouragement, Phoebs," Chandler said sarcastically.

"Well everyone else I know does!"

"Chandler, look, you love Daniel, right?" ross said.

"Of course I do. I wish I'd never found out about it all," Chandler said.

"So what does it really matter if you're his biological father or not. You love him. You're his Daddy," Ross went on.

Chandler jumpe dup. "Oh my God! YOu're right," he shouted. A few people in the coffee shop turned round to look at him as he ran out of Central Perk.

"Woo hoo!" Phoebe shouted for no real reason as his friends looked after him, bemused.

Chandler arrived, somehow, at the clinic where Daniel was having the paternity test. He was red faced, dishevelled and out of breath. He had no idea of how he had managed to find the right place, but somehow, he had. In the small waiting room, monica was sitting on one of the plastic chairs with Daniel in her lap. Chandler's eyes narrowed when he saw Mark sitting next to her.

"Chandler!" she gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"Monica, forget the test. It doesn't matter. I dont' care. I'll love Daniel whoever his father is," he said. Mark stood up, ready to say that he wanted his son, if Daniel was his, but they were interrupted by the doctor coming in.

"Ms Geller? We have the results," he said.

"What?" Chandler gasped.

"I'm sorry Chandler, Its too late," Monica said.

"Please Monica, please don't do this," Chandler begged.

"Do you want to know or not?" the doctor asked impatiently.

"Yes!" Mark and Monica said together. Chandler hated hearing them speak with the same unity as he and Moncia used to. he knew he was beaten. He shrugged his shoulders in agreement.

TO BE CONTINUED...

I know the last bit is a little cliched, but oh well. Please review. Pretty please:)