Fantasy
It was not even ten o'clock when Joey said a
reluctant goodbye to Jade. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and then sat
down beside Chandler who was staring at the TV, pretending to watch the game.
"Jade not staying over?" Chandler asked
him.
"Nah. Not my type of girl."
"You mean she wouldn't sleep with you?"
Joey nodded and took another gulp of beer.
"Probably a lesbian." He said without sarcasm. There was silence as
they both continued to stare at the screen. Joey eventually cracked. "So
buddy are you going to tell me what happened?" He asked with a lecherous
grin on his face.
Chandler groaned, "Oh God Joey! Can we forget
it? Just pretend you saw nothing."
"There are some things you never
forget. How long do you think before Ross finds out what you did to his little
sister?"
Chandler stared at him in horror. Joey grinned in
his dirty little boy way and tried pleading, "Ah come on man give me some
details. Jade's gone home and seeing Monica naked and covered in…"
"Joey!"
"What do you think she's doing right now with
Rachel? Women talk about every little detail. By now Rachel will know how big
you are, the noise you make and how much you produced."
"Noooo." Chandler didn't sound too sure.
"They don't talk about that sort of thing do they?" His friend nodded
and looked at Chandler expectantly. Chandler shook his head. "I really
don't want to talk about it."
Joey continued to stare at him. Chandler shifted
uneasily in his seat. "Look Joey it was just of one of those things. I got
horny, she got horny, nature took over and you had all my condoms. End of
story." He moved his hands in a cutting motion to emphasise the last
point.
Joey whistled, "Yeah right. Jade and I got to
see just how horny she made you."
Monica was making herself a hot drink. Rachel stood
near by not quite believing what she was telling her.
"And Joey saw you?" Rachel asked again.
"Oh my God Monica, what were you thinking… no don't answer that. We're
going to have to get you to a doctor; you know that?"
"The morning after pill? Doesn’t that make you
really sick?"
"So does pregnancy Monica."
"Do we have to go tonight? I can't face that
hallway tonight I mean if Joey or Chandler…"
"Don't worry we can go really early in the
morning, before the others come round for breakfast." She put her arms
around Monica to comfort her.
Monica settled into her friend's arms then looked
up alarmed. "They won't come round for breakfast will they: not
tomorrow?"
"They're always here for breakfast at the
weekend. They don't have any food at their place remember? And don't you think
it would look odd to Ross and Phoebe if they didn't come round?"
"Oh God! I can't face Chandler or Joey. Not
for another hundred years anyway."
Rachel held her friend closer. "You really
need to use that shower massager more during the lean times honey. You can't
afford to get that horny and if you do: try staggering a little further than
across the hall."
Monica grimaced. Rachel studied the back of her
head. "So what was he like?" She asked. "Was he worth it?"
Monica smiled for the first time since she had got
back to her apartment.
Joey was still trying to get the details, "Are
you going to do it with her again?"
"I think it was a one time thing, you know,
just the heat of the moment."
"And the moment was pretty hot right?"
"It was like one long erotic fantasy come to
life." Chandler paused, he had just said too much. "It was
good."
Joey caught Chandler smiling at the memory and
handed him another beer from the fridge. Drink might loosen him up.
"Was she noisy? I always thought Monica would
be really noisy when she got some. Did she cry out when you gave it to
her?"
Chandler looked at Joey in disgust. "Could you
get any more personal with the questions Joey?"
Joey shrugged. "Oh I reckon so."
Rachel poured Monica another glass of wine. They
were now sat together in their night-clothes on the couch.
"You showered in front of him?"
"Yeah. I was mad at him."
"So you punished him by letting him see you
shower?" Rachel said in disbelief.
"Well I thought that I could you know, get him
all heated up, then not let him touch me. That was the deal."
"And you didn't think for one moment that you
would get all heated up too?" Rachel could not believe that Monica could
be so naïve.
"I was punishing him and it was working. It
was working real good. He groaned. I was soaping up my breasts and he was stood
there watching, trying to pretend to be indifferent, and then he groaned. Then
I knew I had him."
"As in: got him where you wanted him?"
"Yeah, you know, all heated up."
"Whilst you, of course, were perfectly
cool?" Rachel said sarcastically.
"Not exactly. But he was still pretending to
be casual so I knew that I had to get him naked. That way he couldn't hide
anything."
"Couldn't you see through his pants?"
"Oh boy yes. He wasn't so much tenting as
forming a full marquee. You could have got a Jewish wedding in there. But I
wanted to really expose how much I had won and then I could turn away from him
and leave him all high and dry like he had left me."
Rachel sighed, so that was it, competitive Monica
had been unleashed.
"But…?" Rachel asked as she waited for
the explanation of how things had moved to the next stage.
"It wasn't just enormous, it was throbbing and
dribbling. I mean you could feel the heat coming off that thing from several
feet away. I didn't think Chandler would ever have one like that. It was a bit
of a shock."
"Monica. You'd been soaping up your breasts in
front of him and you were surprised that he was more than just aroused? My God
Monica have you learnt anything at all about sex since high school?"
The next morning the rest of the gang were already
in the apartment, sat round the kitchen table, when the girls got back from the
doctor. The barest glance passed between Chandler and Monica as she dropped her
bags on the counter, before they both looked away.
Ross bounded over like a puppy and kissed his
sister on the cheek. "You've been shopping early today."
Rachel shook her head. "No we needed to take
Monica to the doctor."
Ross looked concerned. "You sick then?"
"No, just needed a check up." Monica
replied and went to sit down.
Phoebe, meanwhile, had been going through her bag.
"Oooohhh!" She exclaimed. "The morning after pill. Who's been a
bad girl then?"
Monica leapt over to grab them from her. Chandler
started to stare intently at the table.
Ross looked at his sister in horror. "You had
a date last night and you let him… you do realise that you weren't just risking
pregnancy. There's AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, crabs…"
Joey, who had been eating toast interrupted.
"Eeeuuuww Ross. Some of us are trying to eat here!"
"When do we get to meet the irresponsible
bastard?" Ross asked Monica.
Monica looked uncomfortable. "I think it was a
one time, heat of the moment thing, ya know?"
Joey stared into space. "Now where have I
heard that expression before?" Chandler shot an evil glance at him but
Joey simply smiled in response.
Ross shook his head. "Not really Monica. I've
always used a condom with dates. This jerk clearly couldn't give a .."
"It wasn't his fault and he did try to protect
me." Monica spoke defensively.
"Oh yeah how?" Ross asked.
"Please Ross can we not talk about this now.
OK I slipped up. I really don't want to be talking about the details in front
of all our friends."
Joey sneered, "Yeah just look how embarrassed
you're making Chandler?"
Ross was not prepared to let it go. "I want to
know Monica, how exactly did this jerk you hooked up with last night try to
protect you?"
Monica looked at her angry brother. "OK."
She took a deep breath, and noticed that Chandler looked like he wanted to
build a big hole and bury himself in it. "He withdrew."
Ross went red. That was a little more information
than he needed. It wasn't the answer he was expecting. "Oh", he said
quietly now sharing her embarrassment.
"Now would you please just let it go."
Monica pleaded. She sat down at the table.
Phoebe took some juice and stared at the packet of
pills. "These make you really sick. My friend Bonny had to take them once
and she was vomiting for days after. "
"Yeah the doctor warned me that they were
likely to make me feel unwell. Well at least I don't have any work to go to. Oh
shoot! I've got that interview on Tuesday. I can't miss that."
Phoebe shrugged, "Well if he withdrew maybe
you'll be OK without them."
Joey sucked on his toast. "My sister Theresa
follows the Pope on that no birth control thing so she makes my brother-in-law
pull out."
Monica squinted to remember which one Theresa was.
"Is she the one with eight children?"
Joey nodded.
Chandler jumped up; "Can I get you some water
to go with those Monica?"
Ross shook his head, "Every time? Poor guy. I
don't think I could do it even once. I mean at that final moment I need to be
there ya know. You ever had to do it Chandler?"
Chandler, who had just handed Monica some water, jumped
at the question, then went back to his seat. He glanced at Monica taking her
pills then down at his toast. He started to pull it into tiny strips. "I
might have, once." He glanced at Joey.
"Wasn't it difficult?" Ross asked.
Chandler looked up at everyone staring at him.
Monica looking curious, but really uncomfortable, Joey with a lewd look on his
face and Rachel, also smirking, so Monica had discussed it with her. Ross, the
questioner, was probably the least interested in his answer, this was just
another of those debates that they had on a Sunday morning. "Well in a
way. In one way it was incredibly difficult. It goes against your basic
instincts. Nature wants you there right? But sex is so good, and so intimate,
that I always feel closer to the woman afterwards. In this case I already felt
really close to her, before we slept together, so by the time I was ready to
come I felt like my soul was really pulled towards her. She had asked me to
withdraw, she was worried, and at that final moment my need to be emotionally
close and not to upset her, was even more overwhelming than my need to stay
inside her." Chandler looked back down at the table and the three girls
looked at him softly with new eyes.
Joey looked at him in disbelief. "Are you sure
you didn't just want to ejaculate all over her boobs?"
Three days later Rachel walked casually into the
guys' apartment to speak to Joey. Joey was in the chair watching the TV as she
entered and he made a dive for a cushion.
"Oh My God Joey what are you watching?"
Rachel looked in horror at the TV. It was hard core porn. The film showed a guy
with light sandy hair ejaculating on the torso of a woman with dark, almost
black, hair. It was not a particularly ill chosen moment as Joey had been
replaying that part of the tape over and over.
"I heard that Chandler was at some work
do?" Rachel asked him as he reached for the remote to turn it off.
"Yeah. Did you want to speak to him?"
Rachel pointed at the now blank TV. "That turn
you on?"
Joey breathed out a sigh that she was taking it so
well. "Ummm… yes. Ever since I saw Monica I have this thing about it. But
Jade wasn't keen…."
"Wasn't it your first date?"
"Yeah."
"So that's why she went home."
"And I've tried with other women but they go all
funny. "
Rachel looked at him in disbelief. "What do
you mean you've tried with other women? As a chat up line? Don't tell me you've
been using it as a chat up line? "Would you mine if I ejaculate all over
your boobs?"?"
"You think I should go back to "How you
doing?"
"Yeah. I think you should Jo. Leave that stuff
for the fantasies or for when you know a girl a bit better." She went to
sit down on the other chair, nearly sitting on a box of tissues, which she
passed to Joey with a look of disgust on her face. " Look I didn't come
here to talk about your sexual fantasies. I want to know if you think we could
get Chandler and Monica to hook up again. Neither of them have any luck with
dating and they have both been miserable and I just think it would be a really
good thing if we got them together properly" She paused, "Now that
Monica has stopped vomiting." She added.
Joey looked doubtful. "Won't that be a whole
lot more hassle for us? We have already suffered through all the business with
you and Ross, and Julie and Paolo."
"This is different. Ross has Julie,"
Rachel put on a silly voice to show her disgust of the girl, "Perfect,
"aren't I pretty, don't you love me Ross, let's get a cat together"
Julie."
"I didn't know she had such a long name."
"Chandler and Monica have no-one. They never
have anyone, well anyone normal."
"You mean you want to interfere in their love
life because you can't sort your own out?" Joey asked her.
"No. I just think that they would make each
other happy. Don't you?"
"Chandler could certainly use the sex. I
didn't know a guy could store up that much…"
"OK" Rachel quickly interrupted,
standing. "I don't need the details. I got the ones I needed from Monica.
Are you going to help me?"
Monica was well used to cooking dinner for the
gang. She loved it. But not tonight. She managed to burn just about everything
so she gave up and ordered pizza leaving the ruined pans on the worktops
unwashed. The others assumed that she must still be feeling unwell from the
pills, although Rachel and Joey guessed that the real reason was having to
spend an evening with Chandler and the fact that they had managed to spike her
juice with vodka. The man himself sat rooted to the chair. He too didn't notice
that his wineglass was being refilled and that the one glass he thought he had
drunk was actually nearer five.
By the time Ross and Phoebe got up to go home
Chandler and Monica were both feeling much more laid back. Monica was so laid
back that she had fallen asleep on the couch. Shortly after Rachel and Joey
said they wanted to watch the Rocky Horror Show which was on cable, but they
didn't want to wake Monica so decided to go back to the guy's apartment.
Chandler jumped up to join them, relieved that another evening with Monica was
over. Rachel and Joey, however, told him that he really should help Monica with
the dishes as they were probably ruined because of his "actions"
earlier in the week. Chandler, still feeling guilty about the sickness he had
caused in Monica, dutifully got to work on the dishes. Being as clumsy as ever
the noise of the pans soon disturbed Monica who went over to the sink and
wordlessly took over from Chandler who then grabbed a cloth to dry.
The silence was painful to both of them. Eventually
Chandler put his cloth down and stood right next to Monica. "I don't want
it to be so awkward between us Mon."
"It's not awkward, " she said with false
lightness then dropped a pan on the floor. She couldn't understand why she felt
so woozy. Or why even the smell of him made her feel like grabbing him.
"OK it's awkward." I have never felt such pure lust for anyone, she
thought, how's that ever going to make things easy between us? Of course it's
awkward, couldn't he understand that and just go?
"You know if you're frightened of spiders you
should look at them, overcome your fear."
Monica looked at Chandler uncertainly,
"Yeah."
"Well I was thinking. We jump every time we
touch by accident. I can't look at you and you can't look at me. Perhaps we
should face the embarrassment square on and share a big hug. Then the physical
thing will be got over and we can go back to being friends again."
Monica smiled. "OK. That makes sense."
Yeah it made perfect sense, if she wasn't salivating over him like a teenager
with a crush, how could she refuse? She turned and accepted Chandler's arms
around her. The effect was like a bolt of electricity that sent all other
thoughts out of their minds straight away. To Monica's grateful relief,
Chandler made the first move and began to feverishly kiss her hair, murmuring
her name. When he found that there was no objection from her he moved down to
her face and searched out her lips. She sighed and sunk into the kiss. His
hands pulled her into him and the kiss became hungrier by the second. He felt
his penis wake up and come to life in his pants in eager anticipation.
Chandler groaned. "I fantasize about you
Monica." He whispered in her ear. "I have fantasized about you for
years showering like you did on Saturday."
"Should I be offended?"
"Probably."
"Just showering? Do you have any other
fantasies?" She paused and frowned, "That don't also involve
Rachel." She added.
Chandler smiled into her eyes; "There was one
that involved the kitchen table."
Monica looked back at him, worried; "You
fantasized about the kitchen table?"
"All those times I have sat there watching you
cook I had this fantasy about having sex with you on the kitchen table. "
"And I just thought you were hungry. So how
did that go then?" She hopped backwards so that she was sat on the table.
She looked teasingly back at him and he looked her up and down before moving
towards her. He moved his hands up the outside of her thighs and under her
skirt. He gently caressed her smiling into her eyes, a look of concern crossed them
both and they turned towards the door.
"I'll lock it." He said and released her.
Monica watched him walk back over to her. She
looked him straight in the eye expectantly.
"You were going to tell me what I did in your
fantasy?"
He registered that she looked a little drunk and
decided to risk it. "You sit like that then you undo your shirt buttons
and unhook your bra so that your breasts show." She hesitated only a
moment before she slowly undid the buttons, her bra unhooked at the front. Chandler
released her legs and gently cupped her breasts, then bent down and began
sucking on her.
She bent her head to whisper in his ear. "Then
what Chandler?"
He pulled away from her breast and returned her
look. "You remove your panties and pull your legs up and apart leaning
your feet on the chairs either side of the table so I that can see…
everything." He was expecting her to refuse, but again she only paused a
moment before she obediently followed his directions. He stared at her biting
his lip. The pink inner core of her showed through starkly against the dark
hair that surrounded it.
"Like this?" She asked, and watched him
nod, for once almost speechless. "What next?"
He tore his gaze from her and struggled to decide
whether he should tell her the next part of the fantasy. "You gone shy on
me?" She asked. Staring right at him she moved her fingers over her crotch
and gently started to masturbate. "Something like this?" She pulled
her lips apart and pushed her finger into herself to collect the moisture and
allow him to see even more of her. He nodded, silently watching her as she laid
right back onto the table, without changing the position of her legs. She
moaned at the sensations she was giving herself and arched her back. She
brought her other hand up to her breast and gently fondled it. She turned her
head to look at him. "Do you masturbate thinking of me like this
Chandler?"
Chandler nodded, his mouth now completely dry.
"About once a week, sometimes more." He confessed.
"I only ever to do it like this in bed."
She told him.
"But you do this to yourself?"
"Oh yeah." She closed her eyes but knew
that he continued to stare at her.
He barely moved for several minutes. As she was
starting to get close he pulled at the button on his pants and ran the zip
down. Monica turned and watched him ready himself for her, she noticed that his
hands were trembling as they felt in his pocked for a condom. She stopped what
she was doing and slowly moved off the table and took the condom from him. She
knelt at his feet.
"What you doing?" Chandler asked, upset
by the change of scenery but excited by the implications.
"I thought I would add to your fantasy."
She said smiling up at him. She ripped open the packet then popped the condom
in her mouth. Chandler watched her move her head over him and then with her
teeth, tongue and lips roll the condom onto his penis.
"Where did you learn that?" He asked
amazed.
"Paolo taught Rachel and she taught me."
She hopped back onto the kitchen table and kissed him on the lips. Chandler pulled
away.
"On Paolo?"
"No! Cucumbers, she and I were really bored
one night and we practiced on cucumbers. It was quite a giggle."
"I never thought I would have reason to be
grateful to a cucumber."
"I've spent years being grateful to
cucumbers." She said gravely. She kissed him seductively letting her
tongue trace around his lips. She spoke quietly. "Aren't you taking any
more clothes off, your shirt or something?"
"No I'm always dressed in this fantasy and
your clothes are just pulled back in all the right places."
"That doesn't seem fair. I like you
naked." She complained.
"You don't argue with me in this
fantasy." He corrected her. "You're submissive and compliant."
"That doesn't sound like me. You sure this one
isn't about someone else?"
He kissed her to shut her up. "Sssshhh. You
have to be submissive and compliant." He repeated. "You offer
yourself to me. You get to argue and boss me in other fantasies, not this
one."
"They sound like fun." She kissed him
back. "I guess I can be submissive. " She let herself be pushed back
onto the table and lay with her legs only slightly apart and her arms slung
loosely over her head. Her breasts peeked through her open shirt and her skirt
skimmed the top of her legs. She looked up at him innocently waiting for further
direction.
Chandler swallowed hard. "Can you hitch your
skirt up a bit more then lie with your legs stretched apart, just like you were
to begin with." He caught his breath as he watched her do as he told her.
" Oh my God you look good." He leaned over her, his legs, between her
outstretched legs. His hands started to stroke and fondle her.
An aesthetically challenged man turned his light
off to get a better look at what was happening in the apartment opposite. He
had caught them peeping at him a number of times, now he could see he was going
to get some compensation. The attractive dark haired girl was splayed out on
the kitchen table and one of the guys had his penis positioned as if about to
penetrate her. The ugly man was naked, but then he never wore clothes when he
was at home. He reached for his binoculars.
Rachel and Joey were sat waiting in the guys'
apartment. Rachel pulled out the schedule she had worked out and looked at it
as she spoke. "Right with Chandler slightly drunk on 5 glasses of wine he
should drop the first pan and wake Monica within five minutes. They will wash
dishes together for another 5 minutes before one of them feels they have to
break the silence. That takes us to 11:10. Hug to make friends, then with
Monica very drunk," She paused and looked up at Joey, "How much Vodka
did you manage to get down her Joey?"
"About quarter of a bottle."
"Wow. How the hell did you manage that?"
"I've had to do it before. I put salt and
curry powder on her pizza and she got real thirsty."
"I thought it was strange that she was
complaining about the pizza. Remind me never to trust you." She turned
back to the schedule. " On that amount of alcohol and Chandler pressed up
against her, she should get heated up almost straight away. Quarter of a bottle
of Vodka will bring out her exhibitionist side. That will slow down the final
action by about 10 minutes."
"Whoah there." Joey interrupted.
"Her exhibitionist side? Monica has an exhibitionist side?"
"Yeah. From what I can gather from my side of
the wall it only usually comes out when she's drunk. But it seemed to come out
with Chandler the last time they did it. So I'm guessing she will be tormenting
the poor guy for a good 10 minutes before she lets him get on with it."
"Well if she ever wants to torment me like
that she's only has to ask. What does she do exactly?"
Rachel ignored the question. " How long does
Chandler normally last?"
"I've never timed him!"
Rachel looked at him frustrated. "Come on a
rough figure is all we need here."
"Well if he's really turned on I guess he'll
go at it for around 10 minutes."
"Ok so 30 minutes in total. Then we need to
give them about five minutes to come back down to earth and get dressed."
Rachel looked at her watch. "If I've got this
right they should have finished and we can go back and know we're not
disturbing them."
Joey shook his head staring again as the schedule.
"You've been living with Monica too long."
"I just didn't want to get stuck with you in
this apartment any longer than I needed to be."
Joey looked offended. "Hey."
"Come on: the porn you're watching would make
any girl uncomfortable."
"But planning your best friend's sex sessions
down to the last minute is quite normal?"
They both left the apartment. Rachel was about to
knock on the door of her apartment when Joey stopped her and put his ear to the
door, Rachel did the same.
Monica cried out as Chandler finally pushed himself
up into her. His caresses had been so gentle that the force of the penetration
was unexpected. The table moved across the floor creaking and pulling Monica's
legs, with their feet still on the chairs, even further apart. In his fantasies
he had never imagined the freedom of access that the position gave him. He sunk
himself into her again. She moaned beneath him and he grunted in response. He
leaned over her, found her tongue and sucked on it as he moved in and out of
her. His hips moving instinctively without any direction from him.
Outside Rachel pulled Joey's ear away from the door
to give her friend some privacy, then pulled him back into the apartment.
"Well it worked. We just got the timing
wrong." She said as they closed the door. "I won't be able to eat off
that table ever again, but it clearly worked."
"Can't we listen Rachel? Go on, I won't tell
if you won't tell."
"You're sick. You know that Joey? You're sick.
Those are our friends in there making love, consummating their relationship,
joining their souls together, and you want to listen!?" She paused as she
registered the effect of the wine she had drunk, and the noises her friends
were making, had had on her. "Do you have glasses Joey?"
Rachel and Joey were rewarded. Chandler was now
grunting with every push and Monica's moans were getting louder by the second.
He pulled her up and wrapped her legs around his back so that most of her
weight was now supported by him rather than the table. She gasped as the new
position, and gravity, pulled her even further down onto him. His hands moved
around to the crack in her backside and his fingers started to probe gently at
her anus. She panted and moaned his name at the attempted invasion. She felt
the muscles around his fingers quickly relax and she braced herself as they
sunk into her. It sent her over the edge with a scream, her muscles clamping
onto him. He watched her fascinated, until his head fell and his own body
spasmed and jerked violently. It went on for an eternity. His whole body was
reduced to the role of a large pump concerned only in pushing his semen out. He
gasped and let her sink back onto the table, but one hand pushed at her thigh
to keep her legs apart enough for him to maintain the depth of the thrusts
which now came slowly and sporadically as the orgasm continued to shake through
him. He gave a strangled half cry, half groan as the sensation became almost
too much before it ended and he collapsed panting and deliriously happy on top
of her.
Joey and Rachel swallowed hard, took their glasses
away from the door and walked back across the hall.
"I think they've finished." Joey said
after an embarrassed silence.
"Yeah. It sounded that way. What in hell was
he doing to her?"
"You tell me what you find out and I'll tell
you any details I get."
Rachel nodded. "It's a deal."
Chandler kissed Monica gently before he slowly
disentangled himself from her. They smiled at each other as she moved off the
table and adjusted her clothes. He went to the bathroom.
She was disinfecting the table when he returned. He
put his arms lovingly around her. "That was OK." She said.
"Yeah," He agreed, "It was OK."
The understatement was accepted by both of them with a smile. "You're the
best." He added and affectionately rubbed her nose with his nose.
"I know." She replied with no attempt at
modesty.
He grinned and held her, enjoying the closeness.
They had missed this last time with Joey's interruption, maybe that was why it
was so awkward between them.
"This feels so nice." He said to her.
"It was Joey's idea by the way. The hug was Joey's idea, to get over the
awkwardness."
"Rachel suggested the same thing."
They both smiled. "It was a good hug."
She said after a time.
"Yeah." He agreed. "I definitely
don't feel awkward any more."
"Do you want to go to bed?" She asked
pulling away to look at him.
"That would be nice."
She went to the fridge and grabbed cream, honey and
a cucumber and then to the drawer to grab a knife.
"We eating first?" Chandler asked
curious.
"No. You've had two fantasies fulfilled. It's
my turn now and just so you know, I get to be the boss in this one."
"That figures. Do I have to do everything
you say?"
She nodded.
"And I guess I don't get to wear a lot?"
He added.
"Nope."
He looked nervously at the knife and cucumber.
"They're not going anywhere near me are they?"
Monica laughed. "What these?" She paused,
enjoying the look of terror on his face. "I'm guessing my drink was spiked
tonight so the earlier I get cucumber on my eyes in the morning the less puffy
they're going to be. I just didn't want to have to get out of bed too
early."
Chandler let out a sigh of relief and followed her
happily to the bedroom.
It was a quiet breakfast the next morning. Monica
was feeling very delicate with a crushing hangover and Chandler was just
feeling delicate. Rachel was cross with Monica. They had forgotten to unlock
the door so she had had to spend the night in Chandler's bed, which showed some
physical evidence of the fantasies that he had been having about Monica. She
was also insisting on eating her breakfast standing up.
Monica was feeling so ill that she didn't bother to
hide the pills that she and Chandler had to fetch that morning. Ross noticed
and looked at her with a question on his face.
"None of your business," She snapped at
him.
"Doesn't the jerk like condoms then? He
prefers to make you ill?"
"We used a condom. We used a few
condoms," she smiled slightly then winced, "But one broke."
"Does he only buy cheap ones?" Ross was
genuinely angry. He had watched her suffer last week.
"It was probably my fault, OK? I think I might
have caught my teeth on one and the doctor told me that honey tends to rot
them."
Ross made a disgusted noise. Joey looked up
interested. "Your teeth? You caught your teeth on the condom?"
Rachel smiled for the first time that morning.
"You did the Paolo trick?"
Monica nodded.
Ross, Joey and Phoebe all spoke together,
"What's the Paolo trick?"
Rachel sneered, "Julie not do the Paolo trick
then?"
Ross shrugged, "I guess only those who have
slept with Paolo know the Paolo trick. And since we were all still here at 11
last night I'm guessing that the jerk you hooked up with Monica was Paolo. I
think it's time he and I had a few words. You coming Joey, Chandler?"
"Why? What are you going to do to him?"
Chandler asked concerned.
"I think its time that someone kicked his
ass." Ross replied.
"What for sleeping with your sister twice, the
first time without bothering to use a condom? Yeah that would seem worth a good
ass kicking to me." Joey said with mock seriousness.
"It wasn't Paolo Ross OK?" Monica spoke
up quickly.
"Yeah right. Who else did you have time to
hook up with at 11 at night?"
Chandler got slowly to his feet. "I've got to
go now and… visit my mother. I have to go and visit my mother. " He
started to back out towards the door.
Ross looked at him suspiciously. "You never
visit your mother."
Chandler started gabbling in a hyperactive way. His
hands were being flung all over the place as he talked. "Well maybe that's
because she and I are too embarrassed to see each other after you kissed her.
You kissed my mother Ross remember that?"
Phoebe smiled to herself and put down her drink.
"You know Chandler I really don't think you have any right to complain
about that. Not after ejaculating all over his little sister, fucking her on
the kitchen table and then letting her lick honey and cream off your
genitals."
To be continued .. I think - there is one
written but it all depends really… I might see the light and become a nun