For Better, For Worse (1)

First part of four. Pretty self explanatory, I hope (lol). The events and characters from "Friends" belong to Bright, Kauffman and Crane, the rest is mine. And a little thanks to Ezika for helping me out with some things (I almost rewrote a bit and included your lasagne idea, J).

Monica Geller Bing held her husband's hand while he slept. He was eighty-five years old and he had been sick for a while know. She knew he didn't have much time left. She could easily have told herself that it was foolish, he would survive, last year someone had even turned 130, there was no reason why he would die now. But she knew she would be kidding herself. It wasn't just the age, it was his illness. He had gotten sick a year before with a pretty bad case of the flu, and never fully recovered. Then he'd gotten a pneumonia as well, and right now he had scarlatina, which was unusual for an old person. Monica knew that when children got it they almost always survived, but her husband had a very low immunes system and unhealthy living in his twenties had probably helped making it more difficult for him to tackle it. Plus he was old now and was not as resistant as he had once been. For the past two days he hadn't recognised her when he had been awake. She knew he wasn't going to live much longer. The door to the hospital room opened and Emma, their second child, entered with her son, who was nineteen.
"How's dad?" she asked.
"Hanging in there…" Monica said.
"Is he doing any better? Any worse?" Emma asked, sitting down on the other side of her father's bed.
"Pretty much the same as yesterday" Monica answered. She glanced up at her grandson. "Shouldn't you be at school Liam?"
"It's Saturday, grandma" Liam said.
"Oh" Monica said. She too suffered from age, and keeping track of what day it was didn't seem important anyway.
"Hey dad…" Emma said, gently stroking her father's cheek. "He still has a fever" she told her mother.
"I know."
"Is this rash normal? Shouldn't it have gone away by now?"
"It can take weeks, dear" Monica said. "And I honestly don't think he'll be alive long enough."
"Mother" Emma said sharply.
"He's not going to live forever, honey" Monica said. "He's 85 years old now. His health has been bad for the past year. Be realistic."
"Mom" Emma complained. "Don't be so… so…"
"Cold?" Monica asked. "Sweetie, do you think this is in any way easy for me? I've been his wife for the past fifty-two years, you don't think this is tearing me apart?"
"I'm sorry" Emma mumbled.
"Grandma, have you gotten any sleep?" Liam asked. "Or anything to eat?"
"I ate a sandwich."
"When?"
Monica shrugged her shoulders.
"I'm gonna go get you one" Liam said and left the room.
Monica looked after him, then turned to look at her daughter. She had always loved the fact that her children were a mix between herself and her husband, both in appearance and in personalities. But her grandchildren were a mix between that and her children's spouses. It felt as if they had brought strangers into the family. She knew it was a crazy way of seeing it. She knew it was supposed to be that way. And she had never disliked the people her children had married. She couldn't figure out why she reacted like she did about how her grandchildren were. But it was as if she couldn't see her husband in them anywhere near as much as she could in her own children. And the thought scared her. It was a definite sign that he wouldn't live forever, that someday there would be too many strangers' blood in the family and nobody would really resemble her husband anymore.
"Mom, are you okay?" Emma said, taking her out of her thoughts.
"I'm fine dear" Monica mumbled.
Liam returned with a sandwich and got her to eat it. But when he suggested that she would lie down and get some sleep she refused.
"Grandma, come on…" Liam said, trying to get her to rise from her chair. "We'll wake you up before we leave, you're not going to miss anything. If grandpa gets any worse or better we'll wake you up."
"Get some sleep mother" Emma agreed. "It would be much better for dad. You'd be better able to help him if he wakes up and asks for anything."
Monica finally agreed to let them help her into the bed standing to the right of her husband's. She lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it, before carefully placing it back on the bed. She looked at him while her grandson led her to the bed. He didn't look too much like the man she had stood in front of the altar with, but she had never cared about how he looked. She closed her eyes and realized how tired she really was. But she had been focusing on her husband for too long now to be able to let the thought go. She was constantly aware of his steady breath and constantly wondering if he was okay. When she finally drifted off to sleep she dreamed about him.

"Mon?" Chandler gently said, waking her up. "The food is coming."
Monica opened her eyes and glanced up at him with a loving smile on her lips. Her head was resting against his shoulder and her right hand was on his chest. He had his right arm around her. It wasn't the most comfortable way of sleeping, but since they were on an airplane she felt she had no reason to complain. They were on their way to their honeymoon, it had been ten hours since their wedding.
"What are they serving?" she asked him and gave him a loving kiss before she sat up more straight.
"It was either some kind of chicken or some kind of beef. I ordered one of each. We can always trade."
"Sure" Monica said, unable to stop smiling.
The stewardess came by and smiled at them while she handed Chandler one of the trays with food.
"So your wife is awake now?" she asked.
"With a little help from me" Chandler replied, grinning at the stewardess.
"Here you go" she said and handed Monica her tray.
"Great, thanks" Monica said with a smile. Once the stewardess had moved along she turned to Chandler. "Made friends with the stewardess, huh?"
"Sort of. She came by five minutes ago to pick up the orders." He grinned at her. "When she came to us she asked what I wanted, and then what my wife wanted. You've gotta love the first person we don't know who assumes we're married."
Monica chuckled.
"Maybe we should leave her a tip" she jokingly suggested "I think $5 would do it."

"Well I have to admit, I never thought anyone would guess that you and I were married" Chandler said. "Nobody would probably even guess that we're dating."
"Well, I was asleep against your shoulder and we're both wearing wedding rings" Monica said. "It's not like she just solved an X-file."
Chandler laughed and opened the foil can containing his food. He gave the beef a suspicious look, then glanced over at Monica's chicken which looked much more eatable. He decided to give the beef a try first, and took a bite.
"Here, let me try" Monica said, and reached over and got herself a bite as well. "Tastes like a typical airplane meal."
"Big surprise" Chandler said. "Let me try yours."
The stewardess passed by them and shook her head, smiling. Some of her colleagues always got annoyed when couples started more or less trading meals, but she found it sweet. And she could tell from the look in the couple's eyes that they enjoyed being a typical couple doing typical couple things.
Once they'd finish eating Monica leaned against Chandler's shoulder again. She wasn't as tired anymore though. They had only two more hours of flight before they reached Hawaii, and once they did she and Chandler were going to consummate their marriage during their wedding night. Chandler had promised her champagne and strawberries and everything else, and she was looking forward to it. She could barely wait. She glanced at him and for a minute played with the thought of letting her hand slip into his pants, but then decided to wait with all the sexual activities until they were alone in a hotel room.

"I don't think I've ever been so tired…" Chandler whispered hours later.
It was around one AM in Hawaii, but they were both still on standard eastern time. They had been awake for almost twenty-four hours, and it had been a very eventful day. First the hectic morning, then the wedding ceremony at one AM, followed by the reception, the plane ride and then the wedding night.
"And never so happy" Monica whispered back.
It was true that they were tired. She could hardly keep her eyes open. The past hours had been filled with loving chats and making love, it had been the most emotional day of her life, and she was both mentally and physically exhausted. But she had never been anywhere near that happy before. She had finally married Chandler, the love of her life. She hadn't expected to feel any different about him after the ceremony, she hadn't thought she could love him any more than she already did. But now they were married, he was her husband, she had waited all of her life to have a husband. She couldn't even look at him without wanting to burst with joy, and each part of her body that part of his touched felt more alive. She wondered for how long the feeling would last. She wished forever.
Chandler noticed her falling asleep, and soon he was asleep too. But he woke up just a few hours later, not knowing why, he was still really tired. Then he realized he needed to go to the bathroom. He got out of bed carefully, not to wake Monica up. When he returned from the bathroom he moved the curtains a bit and noticed that the sun would rise anytime soon. He smiled and went over to the bed. He woke Monica up with a loving kiss.
"Chandler?" she mumbled.
"Wake up honey. There's something I want you to see."
She obediently opened her eyes, giving him a confused look. She let him pull her up and out of the bed, and shook her head to wake up while he grabbed a sheet from the cabinet next to the bed. He wrapped them both in the sheet and brought her over to a wicker chair standing by the window. He then pulled the curtains away and sat down with her in front of him in the chair, lying down with her back against his chest.
"You wanted me to see the window?" Monica mumbled.
"No" Chandler said and kissed the top of her head. "Sunrise."
Monica's face lit up with a smile and she squeezed his arms laying around her hard. After a few minutes the sun began to rise and her smile widened.
"I've never seen the sun rise…" she told him.
"I know" he said. "So take a good look now. The sun rising over Waikiki, now there's something a New Yorker doesn't see every day."
"So that's where we are? If you want to be poetic, you can see it as the sun rising over our marriage" Monica said and giggled.
"Well in that case, remind me never to watch a sunset with you" Chandler joked.
Monica laughed and watched the horizon. She knew they wouldn't be able to see the sun setting, at least not from their hotel window. But she had seen the sun set several times, it was the sunrise that was new to her. They watched the sun rise in silence, then Monica got up and closed the curtains again.
"I'm tired" she said with a smile. "What do you say we get a few more hours of sleep before we go outside?"
"Sounds agreeable" Chandler said. "But only if you promise me that we won't spend too many days outside. I want to be Bing the bunny these two weeks."
"Great, that means I can be Bing the bunny's wife" Monica said, laughing at his comment. "And your wife tells you to go to bed and get some more sleep."
Chandler got into bed, leaving the sheet on the chair. Monica shook her head and folded it with a smile. She then crawled back into bed and into his arms. The sun was bothering her a bit, but she was way too tired to stay awake because of it. She rested her head against Chandler's chest and enjoyed her first morning as his wife.

Eight months later, in January, Monica woke up early. She reached out her hand to see if Chandler was still in bed, even though she knew he would be. He always slept in when he got the opportunity, and it was much earlier than when he usually got up to go to work. She turned her head and looked at him. His sleeping face made her smile lovingly. The special feeling she'd had ever since their wedding, the extra happiness that came over her whenever she thought about the fact that he was her husband, was still there and still strong. The past eight months had been great, much better than she had ever thought they could be. And she knew that it was thanks to him. Her smile got wider when she felt the baby kick. It hadn't taken her long to get pregnant, just one month since their wedding. Chandler had been nervous about it at first, he wasn't sure he was ready for it and he'd wanted to have her to himself for a while longer first. But at the same rate as her belly had grown, his excitement had gotten bigger. He often told her how cool he thought it all was, that she had their baby inside of her. And he often said that she was more beautiful now than she had ever been. She didn't believe that part, she didn't feel very attractive, but she loved him for the way he always managed to make it sound genuine when he said it.
"What do you say kiddo, wanna wake him up?" she whispered to the baby inside of her. The baby kicked. "I take that as a yes."
She scooted closer to him and gently stroke his cheek. She blew seducingly on his face by his eyes, and giggled when he frowned in his sleep. She glanced down and saw that he was erect. She played with the thought of straddling him and waking him up in a way he'd very much appreciated in the past, but then realized that she was too big for that. She wasn't as lithe as she had been before the pregnancy, and she would probably wake him up much sooner than intended. Instead she put her mouth to his that was slightly open, and gave him a loving kiss. Her eyes were closed but she knew he had woken up.
"Morning…" he mumbled when she ended the kiss.
She opened her eyes.
"Happy Twelfth Night" she said with a giggle.
"Twelfth Night is probably the ideal date to get married" Chandler said, in a joking mood. "'Cause then every year when you notice that it's Twelfth Night you also realize that it's been another twelve months and then there'd be no forgotten anniversaries."
"You're probably the weirdest person I've ever known" Monica said, unable to keep back a giggle.
"And soon I'll have somebody to pass my weirdness off to" he said, putting his hand on her stomach. "How's Junior?"
"He's hating being called that" Monica said.
"Nah…" Chandler said. He sat up and reached down to her belly, beginning to kiss her there.
"That he likes…" Monica said. She loved it when he kissed her there.
Chandler smiled and continued kissing her. He knew how much she liked it. Her stomach had become an erogenous zone for her during the pregnancy, mainly because he gave it a lot of attention. And he knew how much it meant to her when he caressed her there. She loved that he took so much interest in the pregnancy and she could spend hours sitting between his legs and leaned back against his chest while he gently caressed her stomach. Personally he found it a bit weird, but also sweet. He placed kiss after kiss on her stomach, beginning to move further down, when all of a sudden the baby kicked again right by his lips.
"Ouch!" he complained. "Mon, the baby's mean to me!"
Monica smiled at his joking comment and jokingly told the baby to be nice to it's father. Chandler claimed that it was the baby's way of telling them that he or she didn't like the kissing, and Monica made a face at him.
"While we're on the subject of the baby talking" Monica said, rolling her eyes. "It's telling me to eat some bananas and raspberry jam, and SOON." Chandler made a disgusted face.
"I thank the overlords that this pregnancy is over in two months" he said. "I always thought it was just a myth that women ate a lot of weird things while they were pregnant."
"Okay, a, a myth contains a divine character which I don't think the pregnancy thing does, and b, Phoebe ate meat while she was pregnant. Didn't you catch on back then?"
"Let me go get you the fruit…" Chandler said with a sigh and got out of the bed. "And please keep your Geller quirks to yourself. You're a Bing now."
Monica laughed.
"Whatever, just make sure you don't forget the jam!"

Two months later Monica got into bed together with Chandler.
"You know, you keep surprising me" she said in a low, overjoyed voice.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Each time I think I can't love you more or can't be any happier you show me how wrong I am" Monica said.
She could barely keep her tears away when she looked at the baby sleeping peacefully in-between herself and Chandler. Their daughter who had been born two days before.
"Well you surprised ME two days ago" Chandler said, just like her speaking in a low voice not to wake up the baby. "I never thought you could be that strong. Or composed. You almost made it seem like it was easy, in spite of the pain."
"In a way it was" Monica said. "Because I knew that when the day was over I would be a mother. You and I, we would have a child. And when it hurt the most I would just think about the fact that I was giving birth to our child, and then it was all of a sudden easier."
"I have to admit I was slightly jealous" Chandler said. "Because I'll never get to do that for our kids."
"Let's just talk about children in singular for a while" Monica said with a chuckle. "Right now I feel like I don't really need to have anymore at the moment."
"That's not what you said ten minutes after she was born" Chandler reminded her with a smile. "If I remember it correctly, what you said was that you want to have a hundred children. Pretty cool thing to say for someone who's just given birth."
"Well I don't think I meant that I want to go through a hundred births" Monica pointed out with a smile.
Chandler smiled as well, and reached his head a bit and kissed the sleeping baby on the cheek. Monica's smile got even wider, and she knew she didn't care about the ache now and the pain she'd felt two days before. It was more than worth it. And she knew that her daughter would have an amazing father. He had a lot to learn, but she knew that he was more than willing to learn it.

Two months later Monica and Chandler celebrated their first wedding anniversary. They let Ross baby-sit the baby and Monica made them dinner. They had named the baby Bridget and she was now eight weeks old. They had decided to let Ross bring her back after only a few hours, they didn't want to have her away all night long.
"So" Chandler said when they sat down to eat. "This has sure been the… most eventful year of my life."
"Yeah, tell me about it" Monica said with a smile. "But I'm not complaining."
"Me neither" Chandler said. "In fact, I'd rather be thankful. We haven't exactly had a rough year. Easy pregnancy, hardly any fights between the two of us, Bridget's birth went without any larger problems. And so far we haven't gotten mad at each other or unfazed or anything like that. No arguing over who gets up when the baby cries, and none of that 'I've been working hard all day!', 'and you don't think taking care of our child is work?' crap."
"I have to admit that that has surprised me" Monica said. "I figured we'd be like cat and dog for a while."
"By the way…" Chandler said, and got up from his chair. "I got you a present."
"I got you one too. But I thought we said we'd exchange presents later."
"Well this is sort of an extra gift…" Chandler said.
Monica looked confused and curious. He went into the bedroom and came back out again after a few minutes.
"You're wearing the bracelet I got you for our wedding, right?"
"Of course!" Monica said.
She lifted her right arm. A golden bracelet that was flat and with tiny rings hanging from it on both sides all around it was around her arm. Chandler had told Ross to give it to her on the morning of their wedding, and he had told her later that day that he wanted her to wear it on her right arm. That way she would be wearing his ring on her left finger and his bracelet on her right arm, one piece of jewellery for each side.
"What about the bracelet?" she now asked.
"Well…" Chandler said and sat down. "You know these tiny little rings on each side?"
"Yeah?"
"You're supposed to hang charms from them."
"Seriously?" Monica asked. She took a closer look at the bracelet. "Wow, no wonder people have given me weird looks… I don't have any charms on it."
"That was the idea" Chandler said. He handed her a small jewellery box. "Happy anniversary. First anniversary."
She looked at him without knowing what to think. She opened the box and found a small golden charm that looked like a cotton plant.
"Come here" Chandler said.
She reached her arm over to him and he picked the charm up. He carefully attached it to one of the rings.
"See, I figured that I would give you one of these charms for each wedding anniversary. Just as sort of a cute thing. And the reason I got you this one this year, this tiny little cotton plant, is that the first wedding anniversary is the cotton anniversary."
"The what?"
"Well you know how you have gold and silver anniversaries?"
"It's like 50 and 60 year anniversaries, right?"
"Almost. Gold is 50. Silver's 25. I think 60 is diamond. But anyway, the first year is the cotton anniversary."
"How cute" Monica said, touched by the gesture. "This is a really sweet gesture Chandler. I love it."
"Next year you'll get another charm" Chandler said with a smile. "And I'll give you a year to figure out what charm it will be."
Monica smiled and gave him a loving kiss.
"Thank you…"
"You're welcome."
"Let's do the dishes and then I can give you your gift."
"And I'll give you mine."
"I thought you just did."
"Like I said, it's sort of an extra gift. It would get really boring in the long run if all you got was a charm each year. So it's a freebee."
Monica smiled again and gave him another kiss.


The next ten months went by quickly and soon Bridget turned one. Her birthday was March 23rd and Chandler let Monica plan a big birthday party. He didn't really care much about it himself, he didn't think Bridget would be aware of weather or not people came to a party for her.
"Chandler!" Monica said, shaking him awake on Bridget's birthday.
"When you did that exactly one year ago you were a lot less brisk" Chandler mumbled. "You're a very weird woman."
"I want us to wake her up this morning. And sing 'Happy Birthday' or something."
"Honey, she's turning one, not eleven. She won't know what we're doing. It wouldn't matter to her."
"Come on you lazy boy, get out of bed and come give your daughter breakfast in bed" Monica commanded.
Chandler opened his eyes and yawned big. He looked up at her. She was already out of bed and in a robe. He somehow got the feeling that she had been up long enough to be dressed, but had thought a robe would make it more cosy.
"I'll get up on one condition" he said.
"And what is that?"
"That you get out of that robe and into my bed first. We have another thirty minutes before the time she usually wakes up. Show me you love me."
Monica chuckled and got undressed and under the covers. They kissed lovingly and she thought about letting Bridget wake up on her own. That would give Monica more time with Chandler. But then she dismissed it. But she didn't want to have just a hasty intercourse, she wanted a long and slow one. She kissed him again and then sat up.
"Now I've gotten out of the robe, into your bed, and I think you know I love you" she said with a grin. "Now why don't you get out of bed, into your robe and come with me to show our daughter that we love her?"
"You're such a mother" Chandler moaned, getting out of bed. He chuckled when he put his robe on. "And don't think I didn't notice that your right foot was slightly in front of mine during our wedding ceremony."
"Huh?"
"It's old superstition that the one who has his or hers right foot in front of the other one's at the ceremony will be the ruling one in the marriage."
"Honey your foot could have been half a mile in front of mine, I would still be the ruling one" Monica said with a grin. "Now hurry up would you?"
"Sure thing ma'am."
He followed her out to the living room where she'd prepared a tray with breakfast and a few presents.
"Such a mom…" he mumbled to himself.
"Did you say something?" Monica asked.
"You know, what if this is the wrong date?" Chandler said. "What if we confused the dates last year, maybe she's born on the 22nd or the 24th. Or maybe we're confusing the dates this year. Maybe it's actually March 20th."
"Chandler shut up and take the bag from the floor" Monica ordered, with a smile on her lips that showed that she wasn't really annoyed.
"Another thing I don't understand…" Chandler said. "Sure, she only has one first birthday, but don't you think you got her just a little too much stuff?"
"It's almost only things like clothes and blankets and stuff" Monica said. "I think there's one stuffed animal and a toy or two."
"See, that's more than I got for my NINTH birthday."
"Well you turn 35 in a month, be a nice boy and I'll give you lots of stuff too" Monica said and kissed him on the cheek.
They went and woke Bridget up and once they were done with the presents Monica dressed her up in a new dress she had given her. Chandler then took Bridget with him to the coffee house to be out of Monica's way when she set up for the party. Monica quickly cleaned up the things that were lying around in the apartment, which didn't take her long. She had found that she couldn't be as obsessed with having everything neat as before Bridget had been born, but she kept the apartment as clean as she could. She then went into Bridget's room, the old guest room, and smiled when she took a look around. She and Chandler had turned the room into a nursery right after their anniversary and had let Bridget move in there a couple of months later. It had only been a nursery for about eight months, but she could barely remember what it had looked like before. She liked it much better this way, it was much more personal now that it was someone's room. Especially since that someone was hers and Chandler's daughter. She remembered with a smile how she had told Chandler on their honeymoon that their first child would be a girl, since the first person they met when they stepped out of the church on their wedding day had been a woman. Chandler had told her not to put that kind of pressure on him and then taken her to bed to 'practice baby making'. And when she had given birth he'd jokingly covered her eyes and asked her to guess what the baby's sex was. She had said that it was a girl, and he had claimed it was just a lucky guess.
She sat down in the rocking chair in the room where she had often fed Bridget or rocked her to sleep. She couldn't believe it had been a whole year since her baby had been born, it had partly felt like an eternity and partly felt like just a day or two had gone by. When she thought back on the year it clearly seemed as if the good things had been a much larger part than the bad things. She and Chandler hadn't fought much, even though they'd had their fights when they had both been exhausted and stressed out. But mostly they had worked very well together, and they had become experts on telling each other's moods and needs. And both had learned to set aside their own weariness for the other one's sake every now and then.
"Gosh, I can't sit around here all day" she said and rose from the rocking chair. "Chandler will be home with Bridget in just an hour! And then the guests will arrive!"
She hurried out to the living room and began setting up for the party.

"Cheers" Chandler said, raising a glass of champagne. "To the woman I love, to the daughter we share, and to our marriage that begun two years ago today."
"Cute" Monica said and clinked her glass with his. "You're getting better at the toasting thing. Happy anniversary."
They were seated on their bed with a tray on Chandler's night table that had a bottle of champagne and some strawberries, along with a few candles. Their plans of celebration had gotten thwarted earlier during the day, when Ross, who had volunteered to baby-sit Bridget, had come down with the flu and no one else had been around to baby-sit. So Chandler and Monica had decided to put off their celebration until after their daughter was asleep. To make things worse for them, Bridget had refused to go to sleep and been unusually cranky. Chandler had finally managed to make her fall asleep around nine o'clock, hours later than her usual bedtime. So they had skipped the romantic dinner and just ordered in pizza instead which they had eaten sitting together on the windowpane. It was now past ten PM and they had prepared the tray and gone into their bedroom.
"Is it my turn to make a toast?" Monica asked with a smile. "Okay, here goes… To the father of my child, to the love of my life…" She smiled mischievously. "And also a little toast for Chandler."
"Ha ha" Chandler said and clinked his glass with hers. "You're getting WORSE at the toasting thing."
"Yeah, well, what are you gonna do about it?" Monica said jokingly.
"Oh not much… Maybe tie you to the bed… And then leave you there and sleep on the couch."
Monica laughed.
"How very trendy."
"So how about I give you your charm now?" Chandler asked, putting his glass down on his nightstand. "You're gonna have to go look for it."
"Look for it?"
"Uh-hu. And a little hint… My underwear."
"Chandler that's gross" Monica said, shaking her head.
"No Monica, not the ones I'm WEARING. Go look in the chest."
Monica put her glass down next to his and got out of the bed. She kneeled by the chest and opened it. Under a pair of his boxers she found a soft parcel.
"It's awfully big" she said.
"Come over here with it."
She picked it up, closed the chest and got back on the bed with him. He grinned at her as she opened it.
"Well well, someone's been shopping at Victoria's Secret" she commented, lifting up the green raff-set.
"Actually it's not Victoria's Secret" Chandler said. "And you dropped something."
She looked down on the bed and noticed the charm that had fallen out when she had lifted the lingerie. She carefully picked it up and looked closely at it. It looked like just a flat golden piece.
"Here, let me" Chandler said and attached it on the other side of where the cotton plant charm was. "Do you know which anniversary this is?"
"No idea."
"It's our two-year anniversary and therefore our paper anniversary."
"Romantic" Monica said with a laugh.
"Well it can be" Chandler said. "You can write love letters on paper…"
Monica smiled and kissed him.
"Thank you honey. Just give me a minute…"
She got off the bed and took the lingerie with her. Chandler smiled widely. He loved her in green and he had a feeling he would love her in the raff-set. She returned a few minutes later in a silk robe that he'd never seen her wear before and with a seductive smile on her lips.
"So I noticed you had a little gift for me in the bathroom as well…" she said, and gestured to the robe.
"I like robes that match your lingerie" he said.
"Really? I figured you'd like it much better without the robe…" she said, and let the robe slip open. She went over to him and he put his arms around her waist, pulling her close. "Now do you want your present?" she asked.
"Honey right now I feel like I can survive even if you had forgotten to get me one…"
"Well I didn't forget" she said. "Go fish."
He looked at her, not understanding what she meant.
"You're gonna have to search for yours, just like I searched for mine" she said. "And just so you know… It's not one of those gifts that you'll have any use for during the rest of our marriage. You'll only be able to use it for a while, but I had a feeling you'd enjoy it a lot during that time."
"You got me a Playboy subscription?" Chandler joked.
"No, that's what I got Joey" Monica joked. "Now go fish. And a little lead… It's sort of in your arms already."
Chandler grinned and began feeling her up, only half searching for the present. Monica closed her eyes and tilted her head backwards, enjoying his touch and the gentle kisses he began placing all over her chest.
"Am I getting warmer?" he asked.
"I'm sure getting hotter" Monica murmured.
Chandler smiled and buried his head between her breasts. He felt something against his left cheek and pulled his head back slightly. He reached into the raff-set by her right breast and carefully pulled out an envelope.
"In the honour of our paper anniversary" Monica joked.
Chandler opened it and found a pair of season ticket to the Knicks, at the almost exact same place he and Joey had had the first year she and Chandler had been together.
"I got you two so that you could bring Joey or Ross or anyone else" she told him.
"I might bring you" he said and moved back from her to place the tickets safely on the nightstand. "Now take that robe off and come here to me…"

A couple of hours later they both laid back, completely exhausted and panting like dogs.
"You keep getting better and better…" Monica said.
"You're not too shabby yourself" he replied. "The thing you did with the candles… I never thought candle grease could be so arousing."
Monica smiled and moved her body so that she was lying on top of him. She rested her head on his chest with her ear right by his heart. He put his arms around her and gently caressed her.
"Thank you for another year" she said.
"Right back at ya'" he replied. "You're much more amazing than I am."
"I don't know about that, but I sure am a better mother than you are" Monica said jokingly. "And you have been the best father to Bridget this year, I had no idea you could be like that. I'm proud of you."
"I'm proud of you too. I love you."

Monica sighed contently and closed her eyes. It was getting late and they had already made love three times, she knew they wouldn't do anything else than talk or go to sleep tonight. She decided to let him make the call on what they should do, and closed her eyes to fall asleep in case he didn't want to talk. She let the sound of his heartbeat rock her to sleep, unaware that her own heart was beating for two again.

"Mom?" Emma said, shaking her mother gently.
Monica woke up and at first didn't remember where she was or even what year it was.
"What year is it, sweetie?" she asked.
"It's 2053 mom" Emma said. "Do you want us to stay? Liam and I were gonna go home now, but we can stay for a while if you want us to."
"No, no you don't have to stay" Monica said. "Go back home to Carl."
"Mom my husband's name is Mitch, Carl is Bridget's husband."
Monica made a 'stupid memory' gesture and sat up straight.
"Do you always get this confused after sleeping, grandma?" Liam asked.
"Sometimes" Monica said. "It depends on what I dream."
"What did you dream about?"
"The first two years of mine and your grandfather's marriage."
"Cool, you dream about stuff like that?"
"It's the only nice dreams I have, sweetie…" Monica mumbled. "Now help me up, get me over to your grandfather's bedside."
Liam and Emma helped her get on her feet and slowly walked her over to the other bed.
"Excuse me, I can move you know" Monica said. "You don't have to walk around with me like I've got a really bad case of arthritis."
"Sorry mom" Emma said, but she didn't pick up the speed.
"You do realize that this is how he's going to treat you when you're my age?" Monica said with a nod to Liam. "Trust me, you're not going to like it as much when he's walking you around this slowly."
"Well fine, go run a marathon then" Emma said, annoyed with her mother.
"I did that once, you know" Monica said. "Your father and I went to Greece for our tenth wedding anniversary and I ran a marathon while we were there."
Emma did a quick calculation on her head.
"You ran a marathon at 41?" she asked.
"Yeah."
"How come I don't remember this?"
"Because we left you children at home" Monica reminded her. "It's not as romantic to have children around, you get a lot less time to have sex in."
"Mom, please" Emma moaned. "The last thing I need is the image of you and dad having a lot of sex."
"Great, now you know how *I* feel" Liam said.
"Well either way it's been a while since your dad and I bumped uglies."
"Mother!" Emma exclaimed.
Liam laughed and shook his head.
"You know grandma', for an 83-year-old you use an awful lot of slang."
"Not enough" Monica said. "I can't keep up with any of your lingo."
"Neither can I, and I'm only 49" Emma said.
"Only?" Liam said.
"Shut up Liam."
"He's just like your daddy, sweetheart" Monica told her daughter. "Good to see that his grandchildren are like him."
"You know why he's like him?" Emma said. "Because dad's spent a lot of time baby-sitting him."
They reached the chair Monica had been sitting on before, and Emma and Liam carefully helped her sit down.
"Geez you two, I'm only 83" Monica said.
"Only?" Emma said.
"You're like your father too" Monica commented.
Emma looked over at him and her smile faded. She had always been very close with her dad, and she had always thought of him as immortal in some way. People around her died, but she had never seemed to realize that her father would too. She knew he had been sick, but she hadn't gotten as worried as her mother, because she hadn't thought it would be anything serious. It wasn't until he'd come down with scarlatina that she'd realized that he was old and wouldn't live forever.
"Mom…" she said. "Do you honestly believe that he won't survive this?"
"If frisky children can get this disease and die… then I don't think there's much hope for your father to live, honey" Monica said.
"Yes but they can cure this disease!" Liam said.
"I know they can. But it takes a while to cure it, and I don't think he's strong enough to live through it anymore. He's woken up from time to time these past days, but he hasn't recognized me." Monica closed her eyes hard. "One time when he woke up he thought I was his mommy… he kept calling me that…"
"I'm sorry mom" Emma said, giving her mother a hug. "I know how hard this must be for you"…
"You know what Emmie?" Monica said. "I want him to die. Life isn't good for him anymore, he's just sick and weak all the time. I don't want him to have to be one of those old people who just lie there for years, sick and miserable… I'd rather he died now, when I can be with him and hold his hand. That he could at least have SOME dignity in his last time."
"Does this qualify as dignity?" Emma asked in a whisper.
"It could be a whole lot worse than this" Monica said. "Your grandfather, for example. Don't you remember what it was like the last three years of his life?"
"Yeah… I remember…""
"He used to think I…" Monica said, then trailed off. "No never mind, it doesn't matter. The point is, I don't want my husband to end up like my father did."
"Well you know what's best" Emma said and stood up straight. "You know him much better than anyone else does. If you say that's what would be best for him, then that's what would be the best for him."
"Thank you for your understanding, sweetie."
"Bye mom… Call me if he gets worse, okay?""
"I will. Bye you two."
Emma and her son said goodbye and left. Monica was alone with her husband again. She held his hand in hers and looked at him while he slept. She was starting to accept that she would become a widow soon. It didn't bother her in the same way anymore. She knew she probably wouldn't live for much longer either, she wouldn't want to without him anyway. She shook her head slowly, and talked to him as if he were awake.
"I can't understand what your fear of commitment was ever based on" she said. "You made our marriage into something way better than anything I pictured when I was younger. I don't think you ever regretted marrying me. We had our rough times, god sure knows… but we made it through and we're still together to this day."
She looked at his face and thought it reminded him of how he'd looked when he'd had the German measles back when Bridget was eighteen months old.

Monica sighed in relief. Bridget was finally asleep. She had caught the German measles from day-care and Monica had never thought it could be so hard to get a child to go to sleep. Bridget cried and cried and was very clingy. And to top it all off Chandler had never had the disease and had gotten sick now too, and Monica was afraid that she would catch it herself. She couldn't remember if she'd had it, and getting sick was the last thing she needed right now. She was expecting hers and Chandler's second child in five months. She didn't know it, but the date she had gotten pregnant was the same date she and Chandler celebrated their anniversary. She did know though that she had gotten pregnant sometime in May, and that the doctor had said the baby was due February fifth. She left Bridget's room and got herself a glass of water to drink. She was thirsty, among lots of other things. She was tired, weary, worried about getting sick. And she was stressed out from taking care of both her daughter and her husband. And she was experiencing a lot of morning sickness from her pregnancy. When she'd expected Bridget she'd hardly been sick at all, she could only think of two occasions when she had thrown up. But it had come back full force this time around, during the past four months she had been throwing up almost every day. It was worse than usual at the moment because she wasn't giving herself any time to take proper care of herself and eat regularly. She spent almost all of her time taking care of her sick family members.
She walked into the bedroom where Chandler was asleep. It was evening, but she knew he'd been asleep for at least two hours. She watched him for a while and hated seeing him sick. He had made a few jokes about how he'd been struck down in the pribe ob libe but she could tell that he was in no mood to crack jokes. Whenever he got sick he stopped making jokes and quips. She didn't like that, it made her feel uncomfortable.
She sat down next to him and mumbled some facts about the disease he and the child had, that she had memorised as soon as they had been diagnosed. She didn't know why she had memorised it. She assumed it was to make herself feel more secure, like she knew exactly what was going on and how to help them get better.
"German measles, rubella, rubeola" she mumbled. "Comes from Latin and means 'being red'. Well they sure are red, all right…" She looked at Chandler who had a rash covering his face. She knew it would soon spread. "Incubation time, two to three weeks…" Monica continued. "Contagious virus disease, mainly children get infected. When you're sick you get a cold, coughs, fever and swollen lymphatic glands. Plus the red rash that begins on the face and then spreads over the body." She glanced down at Chandler's arm lying on top of the covers. It didn't have any rashes yet. Bridget had rashes all over her body but Chandler had gotten sick a few days later. "Requires no treatment except for bed rest. The symptoms disappear after a few days. Chandler got sick two days ago, Bridget five days ago… She should be getting better any day now. Damn it, why the hell did my parents have to go to Jamaica? I need to ask them weather or not I've had it."
She knew she wouldn't be able to get a hold of them until they returned. She'd asked Ross if he knew weather or not the two of them had had it as children, but he couldn't remember. Monica hoped that the fact that she hadn't gotten sick yet was a sign that she had had it, but Chandler had gotten sick three days after Bridget so she could still get sick a couple of days after him. And she knew that having rubella while you were pregnant could cause damage to the foetus. She knew it was mainly during the first trimester, but she had just gotten into her second, and she didn't want any risks for the baby. Chandler grunted and opened his eyes, squinting at the light in the room.
"Mon?" he mumbled. "Could you turn the lights off?"
She got off the bed and turned the lights off in the bedroom, except for the one on her nightstand. She decided to go get ready for bed herself, and left the room. After she'd brushed her teeth and gotten into her pyjamas she walked around turning all the lights off. Suddenly she sank down on the couch and realized that she was depressed. She hadn't admitted it to herself earlier, but she was getting really depressed. She knew it was probably hormones combined with the stress and the lack of sleep and food, but that didn't make her any happier. She knew she would have to deal with the hormones for at least six more months, probably more, and that wasn't a very encouraging thought. And she knew it would be a couple of more days before Chandler and Bridget were better and she could start taking better care of herself again. She felt ready to start crying, nothing felt positive at the moment and it didn't seem as if anything was going to get better either. But she knew she couldn't allow herself to burst out in tears. She wished Chandler hadn't gotten sick, she would have been able to rely on him to help her out with Bridget and she would have been able to have a good cry in his arms. She shook her head and gathered some willpower to get that kind of thought out of her head. She rose and went back into the bedroom.
"Monica?" Chandler said.
"Yeah?"
"Sorry to bother you… But would you mind getting me a glass of water?"
Monica got him the water, then got into bed. Chandler finished the water and she could tell from the way he swallowed that his throat ached. She closed her eyes and wished she could comfort him in some way. She heard him put the glass down on the floor and then heard him sigh through his mouth, another clear sign that he was sick. She felt him roll over and hug her belly that was starting to show her pregnancy. He hugged it like it was a stuffed animal and he was a little boy. "Chandler I'd rather you didn't do that…" Monica said. "I'm so worried I'll get sick!""
"You would have gotten sick by now" Chandler said. "You could call your doctor and have him check your vaccination charts. If you haven't had it, chances are you've gotten vaccine for it."
Monica nodded. She caressed his head for a few seconds, then pulled him up to her face and hugged him tightly.

New Years came and went. Chandler and Bridget had soon recovered from their rubella and Monica hadn't gotten sick. She had talked to her doctor and he had assured he that she had gotten a vaccination for it to make sure she didn't get it when she was someday pregnant. It was now February and Monica had other things to worry about. She was almost two weeks past her due date and she was sick and tired of being pregnant. Her second pregnancy had been much more difficult than her first one. She had kept vomiting until her seventh month, she had gained a lot more weight than when she'd expected Bridget and for a few weeks she'd had pregnancy itching and had walked around with hardly any clothes on because it itched so badly. She'd been feeling unattractive and not the least bit sexy. She felt more like she was back to what she'd looked like in high school than being pregnant. And she hadn't believed Chandler when he'd told her he thought she looked great. She knew he would never say anything else than that. She wasn't upset about it, she had no reason to be. She knew he loved her anyway. But she didn't feel like she was much to love these days. She felt cranky and irritated. She wondered how Chandler didn't go crazy from coming home from work each day to her, when she was this moody and generally unattractive. They hadn't slept together at all this year, but that didn't bother her either. She felt uncomfortable being naked with him, almost ashamed of the way she looked. The last couple of weeks they'd slept together she hadn't been able to get rid of the mental images that Chandler was sleeping with her looking like she'd done when they'd first met. And she knew how Chandler had looked at her back then, and even regardless of that she felt more like a whale than a woman. Chandler had noticed how uncomfortable she was and left her alone. She heard the door open and turned to see Chandler come home. He smiled warmly at her and she returned the smile, but with nowhere near as much warmth.
"You're early" she said.
"I can't understand that I even went to work in the first place" Chandler replied, taking his jacket off. "I can't understand that I've been going to work at all this MONTH. The only thing I can think of at work is that you might be going into labour."
"Chandler labour takes hours, you'd be home in time" Monica said. "Bridget was born after twenty hours, remember?"
"Of course I remember" he said, walking over to the couch. "But she was your first child, I've heard the first birth takes longer. Where is Bridget, by the way?"
"In her room, playing with Duplo."
Chandler went into their daughter's room to say hi to her. Monica looked after him and tried not to come to her own conclusion of why he'd kept going to work. She wouldn't blame him if he went to get away from her for a few hours. But she still felt a little bit hurt about it. Chandler came back out into the living room and sat down next to her. He gave her a sweet kiss on the lips and then kissed her bum.
"So how are you today?" he asked.
"As usual" Monica said. "My stupid back hurts, my feet hurt, I'm constantly hungry… Everything it just as usual."

Eight hours later she couldn't ignore it anymore. The pain in the small of her back had soon turned into contractions. She had tried to think of it as false alarm, but by now she couldn't stop herself from squealing from pain when the contractions set in. Chandler woke up from her squeals and found her sitting up in bed, sweating and holding the covers in her clenched fists.
"Jesus Monica, why haven't you said anything sooner?" he asked, starting to panic.
He couldn't remember if she had seemed this pained the last time. He knew this pregnancy had been much more difficult for her than the previous one. He couldn't understand why she hadn't told him that labour had started, but he wasn't late to get out of bed and get them both ready to go to the hospital. They left Bridget with Joey across the hall. Monica spent another eight hours having contractions and then nearly ten minutes pushing. She felt completely exhausted once the birth was over, and was barely aware that Chandler had placed a baby girl in her arms until the baby started to scream again. Chandler felt very worried about her, he knew for sure that Bridget's birth hadn't been as exhausting for her even if it had taken four hours more. He heard her say the name Emma.
"What?" he asked, looking at her and seriously wondering if she was okay.
"Emma" she repeated.
"Who's Emma?"
"I want to name her Emma" Monica said.
"Oh…" Chandler said.
"Each time you see someone on TV named Emma or hear about someone with that name you always go 'that's such a pretty name'" Monica added. "So I want to give our daughter that name."
Chandler smiled lovingly.
"You are such an angel, do you know that?" he said, and gave her a loving kiss on the cheek. "You're the best. And I am so proud of you, you've been amazing today."
"What date is it?" Monica asked. "What's Emma's birthday?"
"Her birthday is…" Chandler said, glancing over at the calendar on the wall, "February 18th. Exact time of birth would be February 18th 2004, at 8.13 AM."
"Wow, that was exact…" Monica said, and lifted her eyes from the baby she had begun feeding.
"Well, the doctor helped me out with the .13 part" Chandler said with a smile. "By the way, you want to hear something cool?"
"Chandler I had a baby ten minutes ago, I want to hear something COMFORTING" Monica said and yawned.
"Well, you went into labour last night, didn't you? I mean, I woke up right after midnight but you were dilated three centimetres when we got here so you must have begun getting contractions much earlier."
"Around four PM, but where is this leading?"
"Four PM?" Chandler repeated in shock. "Four PM? Why on earth didn't you say anything?"
"I'll let you know in a minute, but first I want to know what you were getting at."
"Well, you went into labour on February 17th, that's exactly nine months after our anniversary."
"Well she might very well have been conceived around that time" Monica said, smiling at the feeding baby.
"Yeah. Exactly. So will you tell me why on earth you didn't tell me that labour had started?"
"I don't know…" Monica said honestly. "You know, partly I wanted the whole pregnancy over with. But I wanted it over with without having to go through the birth part. I don't think Bridget's birth was that horrible, it was more than worth it. But that's easy to think when it's all over. When you're carrying another child and you know it's going to come out anytime soon under some quite painful and humiliating forms, it's not the same. You have no idea how much I've been worrying about having to give birth again. So I guess it was partly that, you know? That I didn't want to admit to myself that it was time now. And at the same time I couldn't be sure that it wouldn't be a false alarm and I didn't want to say anything at first in case it was. I've felt like such a cranky bitch these past months, I somehow felt that you would get fed-up sooner or later, especially if I complained about contractions and it was just a false alarm."
"Sweetie…" Chandler said and gently stroke first her cheek, then the baby's. "Why on earth would I get fed-up with you? I have absolutely no reason, I'm actually surprised that YOU didn't get mad at ME."
"What?"
"What kind of a husband have I been lately, really? I've known very well that this has been a hard pregnancy for you, yet I have gone off to work every day, leaving you at home with Bridget. Even during this month, when we knew you could go into labour at any minute and you've been very pregnant and had trouble moving around and so on, I've still gone to work each day. And I haven't helped out around the apartment nearly as much as I could have. I really wish you would have told me when you started getting contractions yesterday. You waited for what, eight hours? And you didn't even tell me yourself, your pained squeals woke me. And I honestly feel a bit sad that you didn't tell me about your worries for the birth. I would really have liked to help you feel better."
"Honey you helped me the past eight hours, that's more than enough" Monica said. "Look, you should probably call Joey and tell him that everything went okay. And say hi to Bridge for me." Chandler nodded but didn't rise at first. He really didn't want to leave the newborn baby, or his wife for that matter. He could see how exhausted she was, when the baby stopped feeding she closed her eyes and seemed to drift off to a light slumber.
'Yeah, well, she deserves to sleep' he thought and left the room to make the phone call. 'She probably didn't get much sleep last night and she's done such an amazing job this morning. I just can't believe she had contractions for eight hours and I didn't notice. I've really been slipping as a husband lately.'
He made the phone call but he made it quick. No matter how happy he was to hear Joey's thrilled reaction and his older daughter's voice over the phone, he just wanted to be with his newborn daughter. He also remembered to call work and explain where he was. Monica had woken up again when he returned. He asked her if he could hold the baby and she gladly let him. The baby was so small, yet she felt heavy in Monica's exhausted arms. She leaned back and took a good look at her husband and her new daughter before she went back to sleep. She didn't get to sleep for long, a midwife came by after ten minutes and woke her up. She was carrying a tray that she set down on Monica's bed. It was one of those typical trays that they use at hospitals for patients, that are like small tables placed on the beds.
"I thought you might like some breakfast" the midwife said cheerfully. "I see your girl has eaten, but I know you two haven't. So have some champagne and something to eat, I'll be back for the tray in a while."
Chandler smiled and handed Emma back to her mother. He filled the two glasses with champagne and handed one to Monica. The other one he lifted for a toast.
"So, a toast, to you Monica for giving me another daughter. You did such a great job, I can't even tell you, not just today but during your pregnancy as well."
"Well then I'll toast to you for creating this life inside of me. And also to Emma, latest addition to the Bing family."
"Cheers" Chandler said with a wide smile and clinked his glass with his.

Monica mumbled cheers, then downed her glass. Chandler stared at her in slight shock. After Bridget's birth she'd taken her time finishing her champagne glass, this time she had swallowed it like it was water. "Want some more?" he asked.
"Yes please."
"Okay, but just one more glass, I don't want you all drunk" he said, and he wasn't joking. "And I definitely don't want poor Emma to be drunk for the first time at the age of six hours or so."
"I promise you honey, as long as she feeds from my breasts she'll be sober as a teetotaller" Monica said, and only took a few sips from her second glass.

Emma's loud cries woke both Chandler and Monica. It was March, two days before Bridget's second birthday and four weeks after Emma's birth. Monica closed her eyes hard and just wanted to pull her pillow over her head and ignore the baby's cries. But she knew it was impossible. She got out of bed and walked over to the crib. She heard Chandler mumble something about getting the baby quiet and she knew she had to be quick with making Emma stop screaming. Otherwise she would wake up her sister, and taking care of two crying children in the middle of the night was more than Monica could master at the moment. Chandler wouldn't be able to help, whenever Bridget woke up in the middle of the night she only accepted Monica as the one who would get her to go back to sleep, and Chandler wouldn't be able to breastfeed Emma while Monica took care of Bridget. Monica felt ready to faint with weariness, she had never thought she would be this tired after only four weeks. But Emma had gotten colic and cried almost all the time, making Bridget really cranky too and upset that she got less attention from her parents. Monica walked out into the living room with Emma and sat down on the windowpane. She began feeding her and tried to find comfort in the feeling of the baby nursing. But she only felt tired and depressed, and she felt dangerously aware that she might fall asleep. She was scared to death that she would, then she might drop Emma. Chandler came out of the bedroom, yawning big and putting his robe on. He looked as weary as she felt. She knew he had to get up early and go to work the next morning.
"I'm sorry" she said, feeling ready to cry. "But I got to her as fast as I could."
"No, don't worry about it" Chandler said in the middle of a yawn. He sat down in the armchair, rubbing his eyes. "Emma woke me up, not you."
"How many more hours do you have to sleep in?" Monica asked.
"Two" Chandler said.
"I'm really sorry."
"I already told you, don't be."
"Why aren't you in bed?"
"I'm thirsty."
He rose from the chair and got himself a glass of water. Monica couldn't see him from her seat on the windowpane, but she felt a bit more awake now. She smiled slightly and thought that he would probably finish his water and then come over to her and give her a hug from behind, and a kiss. It would be just like him to just have gotten up to keep her company. Chandler watched her feed the baby while he drank his water. He wondered if he would be able to get anymore sleep tonight. He was starting to understand why his parents hadn't had a second child, it was very exhausting. He knew he wouldn't give either child up for anything at all, but he was starting to feel like he'd been cheated of the best time of his marriage. The time where he and Monica would be young and healthy and just living for each other. He only got to have her for a month before Bridget had been conceived, and it felt like he had lost something valuable with her. She wasn't just his anymore, she belonged to the children too, they needed her attention to survive. She didn't have time to be much of a wife at the moment, whenever she had an hour or so when the children were asleep she was way too tired to make out with him or even just talk and interact. Monica moved Emma from her right breast to her left, and turned her head to see if she could see Chandler. He was on his way over to her. She smiled slightly.
"You know, this four AM hunger thing she has from you" he said. "I'm never hungry between when I go to sleep and seven AM."
"I don't think she has any comprehension of time" Monica said with a slight smile.
"How long will you be breastfeeding her?" Chandler asked. "You fed Bridget for three months, right?"
"Well I would have for much longer, but Rachel kept babbling about how my boobs would look like 'dachshund ears' if I did" Monica said. "And I don't know for how long I'll feed Emma."
"My mom nursed me for two weeks" Chandler said. "Which is just as well, it creeps me out knowing that I've sucked on her boobs even for only that short period of time."
"Chandler out of all the stupid things to say…" Monica said with a sigh.
"But can you blame me? I mean, it's not like I'm the only one who's done that, if you know what I mean."
"Chandler go to bed, you're not a very charming person at these hours" Monica said.
Chandler shrugged his shoulders and went to bed. Monica watched him go and then looked down at her youngest daughter. Nursing the baby was comforting for her, it made her feel like a real mother and like she was bonding with the baby. Even though she hadn't felt comforted at first at this occasion, it hadn't taken long for her to feel that way. She chuckled slightly when she remembered the first time she and Chandler had sex after Bridget's birth. Chandler had momentarily forgotten that she was still nursing the baby and had gotten more than he bargained for when he'd sucked on her breasts. The shocked look on his face had been priceless. Monica frowned slightly and wondered when they'd be having sex again. She still felt quite sore from her delivery four weeks earlier and she wanted her body to herself for a while. She didn't feel much better about her physics than she had done while she was pregnant, she was overweight although deep down she knew very well that it was only natural. After Bridget's birth she had often given Chandler oral sex during the time she recovered from the delivery, but she had a feeling that she wouldn't do that this time around. She was sure that Chandler didn't find her as attractive anymore, at least not at the moment. And she didn't feel the least bit sexy now either. He'd probably rather go without for a while than have sex in some form with her now.
Emma finished eating and Monica lifted her up to burp her. Her head was spinning, she hadn't gotten a full night's sleep in nearly five weeks and the responsibility of two children weighed heavy on her. She didn't want to do anything wrong with Emma, which was something she had never worried about the first time around, she had simply done her best and loved her baby was much as she could. But now that she had two children she wanted to make sure that she didn't neglect Bridget, but she hadn't yet figured out how to manage to give the older daughter attention while taking care of the younger one.
She sighed in relief when she noticed that Emma had fallen asleep without beginning to cry again. Hopefully her colic was starting to pass. She brought the child into the bedroom and lay her down between herself and Chandler in case she would wake up again. Chandler had already gone back to sleep and she looked at him silently for a while. She wanted so badly to be close to him, to be hugged and kissed and comforted. But she had gotten very little of that lately, and in her mind it was just another sign that he wasn't attracted to her at the moment. The thought never hit her that he was leaving her alone because he thought she wanted it and needed it. She reached out her hand and very gently stroke his left arm that was on top of the covers. He was lying flat on his stomach with his head turned in her direction. She wanted to touch him more, wanted to be comforted by feeling his arm and his back under her hand. But she didn't want to wake him up, she knew he had to get up to go to work in not much more than an hour. She remembered the feeling of his kisses all over her body and what it felt like to be in his arms when she didn't look like she did now. When he could put his arms around her and make his hands meet behind her back, which he could do now even if she didn't admit it to herself. She let herself be comforted by the sight of him and by the love that always surprised her with it's intensity. She had long passed the state where she could still put her feelings for him into words. She glanced down at Emma, who was asleep and just like her father lying on her stomach with her face turned to Monica. Emma looked a lot like Chandler, there were no doubts over who her father was. At the moment they had the same look on their face, making the resemblance even more clear.
"It's worth it" Monica whispered and carefully stroke a few strains of hair away from Chandler's eyes. "I can't believe I used to think it would be easy, but at least I know it's worth it."
Chandler grunted in his sleep and mumbled something she couldn't make out. She heard her name being said, then he got quiet again.
"I know you know it's worth it too" she whispered.

"I HATE April!" Monica mumbled to herself.
It was snowing again. Just when the snow had melted, more came. Typical April weather, as Chandler put it. Monica had hoped to take the girls out to the park, but it was no use when the weather was like this. She noticed that the snow turned into rain, and shook her head with a deep sigh.
"Mommy!" Bridget said from her seat by the kitchen table. "Where's my green crayon?"
"It's in the jar, sweetie" Monica said.
"I can't find it!"
Monica walked over and searched through the jar with crayons. She found the one that said 'green' and handed it to her daughter. There were other green crayons in the jar too, but Monica knew exactly which one Bridget was looking for. Most of them said 'jade green' or 'forest green' or something else with green, but there was only one that simply said 'green'. Bridget couldn't read, but she had memorised which one said just 'green' and to her that was the green crayon. The other ones were the jade crayon or the forest crayon, etcetera.
"Are you gonna colour the grass green?" Monica asked her daughter, sitting down next to her and glancing in her colouring book.
"No. The tree."
"Oh" Monica said with a nod.
"How come Emba's always crying?" Bridget asked while colouring the tree.
"Emma's very little honey" Monica said. "Remember how Daddy told you that she can't talk yet? And that her only way of telling us that she needs something is to cry?"
"Well how do you know what she wants?" Bridget asked.
"You can figure out quite soon" Monica said.
"When's Daddy home?"
"Oh he'll be here soon."
"Soon?"
"Within the hour."
"How much time is that?"
"An hour is sixty minutes."
"It's Thursday today" Bridget added.
Monica smiled and agreed. Bridget was funny that way. Asked a lot of questions about different things, and then marked the end of a question round with a statement. Often her statement was something she'd learned the last time she had a question round.
"Hey" Chandler said, entering.
Monica looked up and said 'hey' back. He looked stressed out and ready to just slump down on the couch and fall asleep.
"An hour is sixty minutes" Bridget said.
"Hey, yes it is" Chandler said.
He gave her a faint smile and a kiss on the top of the head. He took a quick glance in the colouring book and then looked up at Monica.
"Where's Ems?"
"Crib. Asleep" Monica told him.
Chandler went to the bedroom to say hi to her, even if she was asleep. Monica got up from her chair and started making dinner. She felt strangely annoyed that she hadn't gotten a kiss on the cheek for hello. She took a deep breath and reminded herself not to get worked up about something small and meaningless. She was just as tired as Chandler, she had her own fulltime job at home which demanded lots of effort and constant awareness. Only when Bridget took her nap after lunch did Monica get the change to be by herself for a little while. She was tired of never getting any privacy and she was testy from lack of sleep. She knew how dangerous it would be for her to get worked up about small details, especially when it came to things that Chandler probably did without thinking about it, and because he was tired too. She remembered that Richard had told her about his daughter Michelle's marriage, which had crashed after she'd had her second child. She and her husband had allowed themselves to get worked up over all the small details and soon gotten more and more hurt and the distance between them had grown. In the end they hadn't been able to save their marriage. Monica didn't want that to happen to her and Chandler.
"What's for dinner?" Chandler asked, coming back out into the living room.
"How come Emba doesn't eat with us?" Bridget asked.
"She doesn't have any teeth, she can't chew her food" Chandler answered.
"Why doesn't she have teeth?"
"Because…" Chandler said and thought for a second. "Uh, I think because it would hurt Mommy when she feeds her."
"When does mommy feed her?"
"When Emma's hungry" Chandler answered. He tried to find a way out of the question round so that he could find out what was for dinner. "Hey, why don't you ask your Mommy what's for dinner for you and me and her?" he suggested to Bridget.
"No, I don't want to. How come blue is different from orange?"
"I don't know" Chandler said.
"Why don't you know?"
"Because I'm not Uncle Ross."
"An hour is sixty minutes" Bridget stated.
"So, what's for dinner?" Chandler asked Monica.
"Fish fingers."
"Yum" Chandler said with little enthusiasm.
Monica didn't respond. Sometimes he seemed to make it very hard for her not to get upset. She glanced at him when he sat down next to Bridget and grabbed the newspaper. He looked really stressed out. She was starting to feel like they were building space between them even though she'd try to avoid it. They hadn't had any time for themselves for quite a while.
'Maybe that's what we need' Monica thought. 'Some time together, just him and me, without the girls. We could just talk and hang out. Overbuild that stupid gap between us. I miss spending time alone with him, just sitting around talking and watching TV and things like that.' She made up her mind to surprise him with dinner for just the two of them the next night. She could probably get the guys to watch Bridget and Emma for a couple of hours. It would be quite nice to get to spend just one evening without the children, getting to be just herself and not a Mommy. And Chandler could get to relax for just one evening and go to bed early without having to put one of the children to bed first. She would really enjoy getting to spend an evening just caring about him for a change. She hadn't had the chance to do that much lately.
"Chandler could you put her colouring stuff away and help set the table?" she asked.
Chandler looked up at her. He then sighed and put the newspaper away. He gathered the crayons and grabbed the jar and the colouring book and took it back into Bridget's room. He came back out and started setting the table.
"How was work?" Monica asked.
"Stressy" Chandler said. "As usual. Thank God it's Friday tomorrow. I won't be getting much rest, but at least I'll be getting away from Doug."
Monica smiled slightly and nodded. She put the food on the table and grabbed Bridget's bib from it's place on the counter. She was just about to sit down and eat when Emma woke up and started crying.
"I can take that" Chandler offered and went into the bedroom.
Monica looked after him and then glanced at his plate. She knew that his food would most likely be cold when he came back, and then he would go over to Joey's and eat a pizza there. She didn't have to wonder, she knew for sure that he had offered to tend to the baby because it meant getting out of eating the fish fingers.

Chandler thanked his lucky star that it was Friday. He partly wondered why he was back at work so soon, he knew he had a total of eight weeks of paternity leave to claim, and since he'd been back to work two weeks after Emma's birth he still had six weeks to take off. But this time around he'd decided to save those weeks until when Monica went back to work. That way there would be someone home with the kids for six more weeks, and they would save some money on day-care. He hated getting up and going to work every morning though. He'd never been very fond of his job, and lately it had been feeling like it was just standing still. All he did at work was to go through files and the W.E.N.U.S. and teach the ropes to a pair of twin girls in their twenties that had begun working for him a while ago. He was bored out of his mind and he hated being away from the children all day long.
He smiled slightly to himself and reached the floor they lived on. At least now he would get to say hi to them and spend two days at home with them. He had overslept this morning and hadn't gotten a chance to even see them. Not even Emma, since she hadn't been in her crib in the bedroom, but in the crib in Bridget's room where Monica had placed her when both girls had woken up around eleven PM and refused to go to sleep.
He opened the door to the apartment and felt cheered up by the smell of lasagne, one of his favourite meals, cooking in the oven. That most likely meant that dinner wasn't far away, and he was hungry.
He entered and began taking his coat off. Monica looked up at him with a smile, just finishing setting the table for two. He glanced at it and realized how long it had been since he'd had dinner with just her. He knew he was a bit late from work so she must have given Bridget dinner earlier. He didn't mind though, he couldn't really relax when he had dinner with the two year-old since it was a fulltime job keeping her under observation while she waved around with her knife and fork and had food all over the place.
"Hey there" he said, and took a closer look at Monica. He realized she had lost more than half the weight she'd gained during her pregnancy. He felt surprised that he hadn't noticed that before.
"Hey there" Monica echoed. "I'm glad your home, dinner's ready."
She turned around and got the lasagne out from the oven. He smiled and felt how hungry he was. It smelled great.
"Okay, see, here's what I thought" Monica said. "I figured that you and I could really use some time alone. So I talked to the guys who were more than willing to baby-sit for us for a couple of hours. I thought we could spent the evening together just the two of us, having dinner and just hanging out."
"Oh that sounds cool" Chandler said. "A nice kick-off for the weekend."
Monica smiled at him. He smiled back. He put his briefcase down and wished he could make it disappear during the weekend.
"So where are the girls, let me say hi to them."
"Oh they're not here" Monica said.
"Not?"
"No, didn't I mention that the guys were gonna baby-sit?"
"Yes but I thought they hadn't picked them up yet!" Chandler said, trying to hide his disappointment.
"No, the girls left around an hour ago" Monica said. "They'll be back sometime after midnight."
"That late?" Chandler asked.
"What's the big deal? Sure, it's past their bedtimes, but just one night won't do them any harm."
"So they won't be back here for hours, is that what you're saying? Monica how could you do that?"
"Do what?"
"You know how much it means to me to get to see them! I didn't get a chance to this morning, how could you just let them leave before I had a chance to say hi?" Chandler asked, getting angry. "And they're not back before midnight? That means I'll haven't seen them at ALL today! You know, you're here with them every single day, but some of us have to go to work! You think that because you're the Mommy you get to decide everything, and I won't care weather or not I get a chance to see them? Do you have any idea how much I miss them each day at work?"
"Oh come on!" Monica yelled.
Chandler quieted and looked at her with slight confusion. He hadn't expected her to get mad and yell at him.
"What are you getting so worked up about?" Monica continued. "It's just across the hall and across the street! It's not like I shipped them off to Monaco! For crying out loud, I thought you would get at least a BIT happy over a chance for us to get to talk to each other in peace for one night, but no! What the hell are you even mad about, all you have to do is go across the hall and then over to Ross's, and then come back here! It's not like I put a restraining order on you! Well thank you VERY much, thank you for making the effort. You know what? To hell with dinner!"
"Monica this is--"
"Oh I don't care!" Monica cut him off. "And by the way, no one forces you to go to work! Be glad for the break, some of us have to stay here all the time without getting more than a few minutes alone, having to think about the children all the time and take care about them. You'd think that you could for my sake have just gone and said hello to them and then spent the evening here with me, letting me take a break from being a Mamma for just one night! Just go and say hi to the girls, just go!"
Chandler turned and left. He wasn't in the mood for sticking around until she got too worked up and broke into tears. It was better to give her some time and then come back and apologize when she had calmed down. He thought she had overreacted a whole lot, he didn't feel obligated to apologize for anything, but he knew it was smarter to just say the words.
He walked into Joey and Rachel's apartment, where Bridget was sitting with the two roommates by the counter, eating crackers.
"Hey there Bridge" he said, and ran his hand through her hair.
"What are you doing here, haven't you been home yet?" Joey asked.
"Yeah, I have, I just wanted to come over and say hi to Bridget before we ate" Chandler said.
"What a wussy dad you are" Rachel commented.
"Yeah, well I miss them when I'm at work" Chandler said. He didn't feel like explaining it any further.
He stuck around for a few minutes, and then went over to Ross's apartment. Ross greeted him with almost the exact same question as Joey.
"I just wanted to say a quick hello to the baby" Chandler explained.
"Oh, well she's in her baby seat playing with a rattle" Ross said.
Chandler walked over and sat down on the couch. Emma was in a baby-seat on the coffee table. Chandler gently grabbed the hand that wasn't clenched around the rattle and gave it a kiss. He breathed in the baby smell and was glad he'd come over instead of letting it be. It was a strange thing for him to be that attached, but he had found himself loving the role of the father and he really loved his children.
After a short while he realized he should hurry back home before the dinner got cold. Monica might get even more worked up if they had to eat it cold, and he didn't want to push her. He knew she was vulnerable, and that although she'd handled her depression after the delivery really well there was a limit. He didn't want to push her over it.
"Monica…" he said gently when he entered their apartment.
He had decided to take a gentle approach and to try and be there for her tonight even if he was really worn out himself. After all, she had made an effort and he should meet her halfway. But his apology died on his lips when he looked around. Monica was on the couch, and from the looks of it she was still quite angry. There was no sign whatsoever that there had been dinner ready when he had gotten home. The table was cleared and the lasagne seemed to have vanished.
"What happened to dinner?" Chandler asked.
"I'm not hungry" Monica said. It was a lie. She was starving.
"You had dinner on the table just a short while ago."
"Yeah, well that dinner didn't suit kind sir."
"What?"
"You want to eat something? Have some cereal" Monica said. "I've got more important things on my mind than to cook you dinner."
Chandler stared at her. She was facing away from him and hadn't turned around once since he'd gotten back. He realized she'd cleared the table and thrown the dinner out, and she must have been quite quick as well since he hadn't been gone for long. He didn't know what to think. All he knew was that he was way too hungry to just eat cereal. He opened the freezer to find a pizza to heat in the oven. While he was looking for it he noticed a few Tupperware containers filled with lasagne. Monica had really been quick.
He didn't say anything to her until the pizza was ready. Monica tried to ignore her hunger which had made her stomach ache. She was through with him for one night, she'd had all the Chandler she could take. And the fact that he didn't even seem to realize that he had really hurt her made it all worse. She heard him take his food out of the oven and after a few minutes sit down to eat.
"You wanna come sit with me?" he asked, feeling lonely.
"Not if I can avoid it."
Chandler gave the back of her head an annoyed glare. Now she was really starting to push it. He hadn't done anything wrong in his opinion, all he'd done was to ask to see his children. She should be glad he cared so much, his own father had never bothered much. But she was too busy sulking. He finished his dinner, not saying as much as a word to Monica. She didn't say anything to him either, she just sat on the couch and stared into space. He walked over and sat down next to her, keeping enough space between them to make sure they didn't touch.
"So" he said. "What were we supposed to do tonight?"
"Dance the limbo and then rob Central Perk" Monica quipped and walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.
Chandler didn't bother looking after her. He couldn't figure out what her problem was. But if she couldn't accept the fact that he wanted to say hi to their children then he would just let her sulk. He didn't owe her an explanation or an apology. "Women…" he muttered.
He leaned back on the couch and turned the TV on. A rerun of 'Cybill' was on, and he decided to watch it. There was nothing better on anyway. He felt incredibly lonely. The apartment seemed so quiet without Bridget's questions and Emma's nonsense sounds and her cries. He hated having to be away from them five days a week to work, Monica's complains annoyed him. She at least got to see them. And she could rest when the children slept while he had to stay awake all day long. But he still wouldn't have minded a night alone with Monica. But at the moment he felt lonely, which he had never done since the day he started dating her. She had always been there, they had always been able to just sit around doing nothing, saying nothing without getting awkward. He had never thought he could be lonely when she was right in the next room. After a couple of hours Monica came back out again. She didn't say anything, she just walked right past him and left the apartment. She always fed Emma her last meal for the night around nine PM, and the time was 8.45 PM now. She'd pumped out some milk and given Ross so he could feed her, but since it was obvious that she wouldn't be spending the night hanging out with Chandler she might as well do it herself.
"Do you even need me to baby-sit, or is it just that you don't trust me?" Ross asked when he opened the door for her. "First Chandler, now you."
"Yeah well let's just say that my plans for tonight didn't suit Chandler" Monica said, and walked past him inside his apartment.
"I'm confused" Ross admitted.
"Well you know how I predicted he would get excited about a night for just the two of us? Turns out he got angry."
"Angry? He, he got ANGRY?"
"Oh yeah. And he let me know what a bad wife and mother I am. Is Emma awake?"
"Yeah, uhm, yeah" Ross said, surprised to hear about Chandler's reaction and confused by Monica's quick change of subject. "I was just about to go warm the milk."
"Don't bother, I was hoping you hadn't fed her yet. I'm gonna take her home and feed her there instead myself. And then put her to bed."
"You sure?" Ross asked.
"Yeah. Thanks Ross, I appreciate the baby-sitting."
Ross nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She grabbed Emma's baby-lift and went back to her own apartment. Chandler looked up when she entered and couldn't keep back a smile when he saw the baby.
'Oh sure, HER he smiles at' Monica thought. 'But God forbid he'd smile at me. And note to self, remember to thank him for at least PRETENDING like he appreciated getting a night off from being a Dad.'
She put the lift with the baby in it on the counter and took her jacket off. She then grabbed the lift again and walked past Chandler to the armchair. She sat down and pulled her shirt up before unclasping her bra that opened in the front. She preferred that to maternity bras since she found those uncomfortable. She lifted Emma from the lift and placed her by her breast. The baby immediately began feeding. Chandler smiled slightly and went over to them. He loved watching when she nursed. He kneeled by Monica and gently stroke Emma's head. Monica gave him an annoyed glare.
"Chandler I am feeding her, do you mind?" she said with an annoyed sigh. "Don't bother her and don't bother me."
"Bother?" Chandler repeated with his eyebrows raised.
"Exactly" Monica said. "You are really getting on my nerves tonight, stop upsetting me, do you think this is good for her?"
Chandler made an angry face at her and then went across the hall. Joey and Rachel were in the middle of trying to get Bridget to go to sleep.
"You again" Joey said, sounding surprised.
"Me again" Chandler said.
"Daddy I can't sleep" Bridget whined, very cranky and not far away from starting to cry. "I want to sleep home. Where's mommy?"
"Yeah where is her mommy?" Rachel asked. "Excuse me for butting in, but I thought you two were having a night together. Sexing it up or something."
"I don't think there was any sex in the plans…" Chandler said. "And we decided that it would be better for the children to get to go to sleep at our place. Instead of waking them up later to move them."
The lie slipped easily over his lips. He didn't know why he didn't tell them the truth, he didn't feel responsible for how their evening had turned out. He assumed that he was afraid to admit to his friends that his and Monica's marriage wasn't at it's best at the moment. It would be like admitting that they'd failed, that they weren't as perfect as everyone seemed to think. He didn't realize that their friends already knew they were having a hard time, and that they didn't think any less of them as a couple because of it.
"Here, come to Daddy, you want to come back home with me?" Chandler said to Bridget while lifting her up. "You look really sleepy. It's way past your bedtime, young lady."
"Can we go home now?" Bridget whined.
"Yes, sure we can" Chandler said. "Joey, Rachel, thanks a million."
"You know you can always count on us to baby-sit" Rachel said. "Especially since your children are real sweethearts, a piece of cake to watch."
"They're like their mother" Chandler said with a faint smile, kissing Bridget's blonde head. He assumed that kind of comment was expected from him.
"Say goodnight to your other two women for us" Joey said.
"Will do. Goodnight you two, and thanks again."
Chandler went back across the hall and noticed that Monica had moved Emma to her other breast. He couldn't figure out why she always did that. Both Emma and Bridget had at first cried loudly when she had done that, but soon learned that their meal wasn't over just because they got taken from the breast, and stopped crying.
"I'll get Bridget ready for bed" he said.
Monica looked up and nodded.
"Did you have a good time with Joey and Rachel, honey?" she asked her older child.
"Yeah. Joey's an actor."
Monica nodded and smiled slightly. Apparently Bridget had given them the question round earlier in the night. She continued nursing for a while and then decided that Emma had had enough for now. The baby didn't protest when she was moved up to her mother's shoulder, which Monica took as a bad sign. Usually she protested a bit, whenever she didn't she'd usually had a little too much to eat which would mean she would throw up. Monica went into the bathroom with her and decided to get her into her pyjamas while she waited to see if she would throw up. If she did, and her pyjamas got dirty, she could always let her sleep in just her diaper.
Chandler didn't look up at her when she entered. He was busy trying to get Bridget's pyjama pants on, which wasn't so easy at the moment. Bridget was tired and cranky, and unwilling to help out. Chandler was quite tired and cranky himself, which didn't ease up the situation. Monica got Emma into her pyjamas and then told Chandler that she would take over dressing Bridget. She had the child in her pyjamas within two minutes. Chandler didn't say anything, he just lifted his daughter up and carried her into her room.
"You could cut the tension with a knife" Monica mumbled. "What about you, huh?" she then said to the baby. "You need to be sick?"
Emma just looked at her, not showing any signs of needing to throw up. Monica decided to take her chances and carried her into the bedroom. She sat down by the foot of the bed and slowly rocked back and forth with the baby, humming deep in her throat. Chandler walked in after a few minutes and for a second thought about offering to continue rocking her to sleep. He decided not to, since Monica probably wouldn't let him. He just stood by the door until he knew Emma was asleep. "Here, let me put her to bed" he offered in a whisper.
"Here" Monica whispered back and carefully handed him the baby.
Chandler put her down and then turned to look at Monica.
"So are we going to stay up late and continue this wonderful night of bonding and merriment?" he asked in a sarcastic whisper.
"It's at moments like these that you realize why marriages fail" Monica muttered in reply and got into bed.

Chandler glanced at the clock on his desk the following Monday. He had only been at work for a couple of hours, but he decided to go home. Once he'd gotten a night's sleep he'd started feeling differently about what had happened on Friday night. He didn't think he was anymore wrong than he'd thought he was back then, but he wasn't angry with Monica anymore. Once he'd had a chance to think about it he'd realized that Monica hadn't acted like herself, and for a good reason. She was tired, stressed and probably lonely. They didn't get many chances to see each other these days, especially not alone together. The fact that she had arranged for them to have a quiet night alone together showed that she missed him. And he knew he missed her too. He decided to take the rest of the day off and spend it with her, helping her out with the children and just being with her. He left his office and told his secretary he was taking the day off. He then hurried home, only to find the apartment empty.
"What the…" he mumbled and looked around to try and figure out where Monica and the kids were. "Across the hall. Aren't I stupid?" he mumbled, heading over to Joey's. He was surprised to find that apartment empty too. "Okay, so it's either Ross's place or Central Perk" he decided.
Half an hour later he was back in his own apartment, with no clue over where his wife and children had gone. Both Ross and Rachel were at work and Joey was at an audition, so they hadn't been around for him to ask if they knew where they were. He sat down by the kitchen table and started feeling worried. Where on earth had Monica gone?
She got home with the children forty-five minutes later, and Chandler was more than angry when she walked through the door.
"Where the hell have you been?" he said, only stopping himself from yelling since the kids were there.
Monica looked startled to see him home and didn't answer him. He hurried over and gave Bridget a hug and Emma a kiss before he gave Monica a hard and frustrated kiss on the lips. He then angrily looked at her.
"Answer me, where in God's name have you been?"
"What are you doing home?" she asked.
"I took the day off, now tell me where you were!"
"Phoebe's!" Bridget announced.
"You were at Phoebe's?" Chandler said, calming down somewhat.
"Yes. Is that allowed?" Monica asked testily.
She walked right past him and set down the baby-lift with Emma in it on the kitchen table. She quietly took the baby's hat, jacket, gloves and shoes off and then did the same with Bridget. Bridget ran off to her room to play as soon as she was free from outdoor clothes.
"Why were you at Phoebe's?" Chandler then asked. "And why didn't you tell me this morning where you'd be?"
"Chandler what's the big deal? I go there everyday!"
"Excuse me?"
"I go there, leave the girls with Phoebe for around ninety minutes while I go for a jog, then I borrow her shower and then come back home again."
"And when where you planning on telling ME?" Chandler asked.
"Telling you what?" Monica asked, confused.
"You don't think I have the right to know stuff like this?"
"Well excuse me, I didn't know it was my obligation to tell you where I am 24/7" Monica said. "Why would you care anyway? You're never home during the days, I need to get some time for myself, this was the perfect solution."
"From now on you tell me things like this" Chandler angrily said. "You scared me half to death!"
"How, exactly?" Monica asked, annoyed. "I trust Phoebs, she takes good care of the girls. And how I dispose my time while you're at work is my business."
"Well today is your lucky day Monica" Chandler dryly said. "I've taken the day off to spend it with the children. You can go off and do whatever the hell you want to do, you have an entire day at your disposal."
"What, you're kicking me out?" Monica asked. "Don't even for a second believe that you can just take a day off at random and then try and tell me what to do and not do during that day. I'm staying right here." "Right, I forgot. There's no way to win with you" Chandler said angrily.
She ignored his comment and went into the bedroom. Chandler picked Emma up and went over to the couch where he sat down with her.
"Some parents you have, huh?" he mumbled to the baby. "I think she and I could REALLY use a break from each other."

The next week Chandler spent a day at home with Bridget, while Monica took Emma to a check-up. He noted sadly that it was May now, and soon his and Monica's third anniversary. It wouldn't be much of an anniversary if they were fighting with each other. He hoped they would have worked their problems out by then. They weren't big problems, but there were lots of them.
He sighed and put his mug down on the kitchen table, on one of Monica's coasters. It was a ceramic mug with his name on it, handmade even. Rachel had gotten them a handmade ceramic mug each on their wedding day, with their names on them. Chandler usually drank from the one that said 'Monica', but that one had been among the dirty dishes this morning so he had taken the one with his name on it instead. He glanced over at Bridget, who was busy with her colouring books. "How are ya' doing there?" he asked her.
"Good" she said.
"What are you colouring?"
"A princess" Bridget said. "I'm giving her dark hair. Like mommy."
Chandler smiled slightly. He let his hand brush through Bridget's blonde hair. He had been blonde when he was little, his daughter's hair would most likely turn darker around puberty. He couldn't imagine that though, he couldn't picture her as a teenager. She was his little girl and he wished she could stay that way forever.
"Daddy?" Bridget said, looking up at him. Her smile was gone, she seemed preoccupied with something. "Why was mommy crying?"
"What? When?"
"Last week. After you'd been home with us that day. She cried the next day at Phoebe's" Bridget said.
"Oh, I don't know sweetie" Chandler said, feeling a bit worried. Monica crying always affected him. "I honestly don't know. I'll find out though."
"When?"
"When she gets home with Emma."
"Will you find out without getting mad?" Bridget asked.
"What? Why would I get mad?"
"You're always mad at her now" Bridget said sadly. "You two are always mad when you're together. And when you're not, mommy's sad."
"Honey that's not true."
"Yes it is. Ever since Emba came you two have been mad."
"Honey why don't you go back to colouring?" Chandler suggested.
He didn't want to get any further into the subject. He wondered if Bridget was right. She was only two years old, but he knew she probably picked up the tension between her parents. He hoped she didn't think Emma was the cause of it. He knew that it was the job of handling two children at once that had caused the tension between Monica and him, but it wasn't Emma's fault. He hadn't known that Monica was sad most of the time though. He felt like a lousy husband, for the umpteenth time since the birth of his second child. He wasn't giving Monica enough support, he should really be there for her more. No matter how angry he was at her, genuine sadness from her always affected him. She knew better than to use it as a weapon against him, which made him feel so much worse when he detected it. She was sad and she was doing her best to hide it from him.

Chandler woke up a couple of weeks later and realized that he still hadn't done anything about his situation with Monica. She was sleeping next to him, and for a minute he toyed with the thought of getting up and making breakfast in bed for her. After all, it was their anniversary today. But he decided that she probably didn't care about breakfast, what she cared about was getting some sleep. So he got out of bed and carefully lifted Emma from her crib.
"Come here sweetie…" he whispered.
He brought her to the bathroom and changed her diaper, then got her dressed. He went out into the living room and put her in her baby-lift, hoping she would be quiet for a while. He then woke Bridget up and got her dressed. He told her to be quiet and then cooked breakfast for her, while warming breast milk for Emma to make sure she didn't start screaming and would wake her mother.
Monica woke up two hours later and grunted. She glanced at the time and frowned. She hadn't slept to eight AM in months. She reached out her hand to find Chandler, but he was already up. She heard Bridget's voice and a noise from Emma coming from the living room, and realized he'd gotten up and taken care of the kids. She played with the thought of sleeping in, then decided not to and got out of bed.
"Hey" Chandler said when she got out in the living room.
"Morning mommy" Bridget said.
"Good morning" Monica said.
"Sleep okay?" Chandler asked.
"Yeah, thanks."
"Since today is our anniversary I figured we could let the guys take the girls for a few hours during the day. And we can exchange gifts and yadda, yadda."
"Sounds okay" Monica said in a yawn, making herself some toast.
"What's yadda, yadda?" Bridget asked.
"It's Sanskrit for 'go hurry get your teddy bear, Phoebe's picking you up in ten minutes'" Chandler said.
"That soon?" Monica asked.
Chandler gave her a look. She wasn't one to complain, and his look was to remind her that she had let the children be picked up before he'd even gotten home, the last time their friends had baby-sat. Monica looked away.
An hour later they had been alone for a while, but hardly said a word to each other. Chandler decided to order a pizza for lunch, even though Monica wasn't very hungry since she'd just had breakfast. She sat down to eat with him anyway, and the mood got a bit less tense during lunch. Once the pizza carton was thrown out and everything else was washed, Chandler suggested present exchanging.
"I should just give you the charm first" he said and fished out a small jewellery box from his pocket.
Monica took it and smiled slightly. She felt excited about it, she had been curious for a while now what charm it would be this year. And she was glad he'd gotten her one even if they weren't exactly lovey-dovey at the time. She opened the box and fished out a small charm. It looked like a golden miniature version of the skin of an animal hanging with it's legs spread. She glanced up at him.
"Uh-oh. How will you explain this one to Phoebe?" she joked.
"Third year is the leather anniversary" Chandler said. "They actually had a charm in the shape of a whip, but since that's so not us I figured this one suited you better."
Monica smiled.
"Well thank you for the charm, it's sweet. Wanna help me with it?"
She reached her arm out and he obediently attached it to a golden ring on the same side as the cotton plant charm, with two rings in-between them.
"So, time for the other things now?" Monica asked.
"Suppose" Chandler said with a shrug to the shoulder.
Monica rose and went into the bedroom. Chandler followed her and got a parcel from under the bed. She wondered why he'd kept it there. She knew she wouldn't get a raff-set like she had last year. She wondered what it would be this time.
They walked back out to the living room and sat down by the kitchen table again. Monica handed him her gift and he opened it. She had gotten him a new mouse for his computer, since she knew his hardly worked anymore. The mouse was in the shape of a blue M&M. Chandler held it up and chuckled slightly.
"I know it's not romantic" Monica said. "But I know you needed one. Hopefully that one will work on your computer."
"I'll finally have the funniest computer at work" Chandler chuckled.
Monica smiled slightly. The whole thing felt laboured, their relationship was under too much pressure at the time for them to be able to try and pretend that everything was normal. But on the other hand, she'd rather pretend everything was normal and do a poor job, than to just sit around and sulk all day. At least this way they did something together.
"Okay, and here's yours" Chandler said, handing him her gift. "And it's not bought at the M&M store, unfortunately."
Monica didn't bother to react to his comment. She unwrapped the gift and found a carton box. She opened it carefully and her eyes went wide when she looked inside.
"Chandler…" she said.
She lifted up one of two handmade mugs, a bit smaller than the ones she and Chandler had gotten from Rachel on their wedding day. The mug said Emma's name, and when she lifted up the second cup she saw Bridget's name on it.
"They would probably get annoyed if their daddy gave them that, so I thought you'd like them better" Chandler said.
"I love them, they're adorable" Monica said.
She rose and went over to the shelf where the first two mugs stood, and placed the two smaller ones next to them. She smiled slightly.
"It looks cute."
"It does" Chandler agreed.
Monica walked over to him and gave him a sweet kiss on the mouth. He automatically placed his hands on her waist and she wished he wouldn't take them away from there. She had by now gotten back to her weight before her second pregnancy, thanks to exercise and smart eating. She hoped he had noticed. But his hands left her waist after just a few seconds, and he rose from his chair. He got his briefcase and took the M&M mouse out from it's carton and placed it in the briefcase to make sure he wouldn't forget about bringing it to work. Monica followed his lead and cleared away the paper and cartons lying on the table.
There was an awkward moment when they both looked at each other without knowing what to say. Chandler slowly walked over to her and they stood close to each other for a few minutes, looking at each other. Then they kissed, and both tried to set aside their worries about all of the problems between them. Soon they made their way into the bedroom where they had sex with each other. They both knew that it was mostly just because they felt it was part of their anniversary to do so, than because they honestly wanted to make love. Chandler was careful with her since it was their first time since her delivery, but it hurt anyway. Monica didn't let it show. She knew that the problem wasn't that it was too soon, the problem was that she didn't feel emotionally right about it. Afterwards they didn't say much, they just rested together in silence.

Later that evening Monica put Emma down in her crib at the same time as Chandler entered the bedroom.
"Daughter #1 is sleeping" he reported.
"So is daughter #2" Monica told him.
She sat down on the bed with him, both trying to think of something to say and both feeling awkward. After almost twenty minutes of silence Chandler had had enough and got up from the bed.
"You know what, this is just it, I can't live like this anymore!" he said.
Monica stared at him with wide eyes.
"Chandler you're not LEAVING, are you?"
"What? Of course I'm not!" Chandler said. "But I cannot, WILL not live like this anymore! Monica you and I need to have a long deep talk and sort things out! It's like there's a huge gap between us, I want to overcome it! I want my wife back! And I want to be the kind of husband she deserves again!"
"I really want that too" Monica said in a whisper. "I hate what's going on between us, Chandler. I don't want to live like this anymore either. I want things to be like before."
"I don't want to overanalyse everything and when I think about it, I want to solve this all with as little talking as possible" Chandler said. "Bringing up the things that have hurt us won't help us."
"I think we need to talk about those things" Monica objected.
"Look, we have both said and done stupid things" Chandler said. "And we have both overreacted a whole lot. You know what we've done wrong this time around? We've forgotten to communicate! When Bridget was a baby we used to talk things through as soon as a problem showed up! We never allowed any misunderstandings and we never allowed ourselves to go and be hurt over small things, getting worked up about them! But this time it's like we've both avoided each other. If we had talked about things much sooner, then we wouldn't be in this situation today!"
"It's not as simple as all that" Monica gently said. "We have both been exhausted, and we've had little time just for the two of us. We haven't been able to talk!"
"Well I want to make a deal with you" Chandler said. "Every morning we sit down and talk. Either we can talk in bed in the morning or when we eat breakfast. But just as long as we take the time to talk."
"I would like that" Monica said with a slight smile. "You know, things have been so chaotic around here for months now, I don't think I've even told you how much I love you since February!"
"There's no need to tell me what I already know" Chandler said.
"I know you want to hear it even if you already know it" Monica said. "I love you. I could talk for hours about how strongly I feel about you without even getting close to describing how strong my feelings are. And even though you know that, I think you need to hear it every once in a while, and I know I need to say it."
"I love you that much too…" Chandler said softly. "And I owe it all to you. Everything. My marriage, my children, not to mention the strongest feeling I've ever experienced."
"Come here" Monica said, barely loud enough for him to hear it.
He walked over and sat down next to her. She kissed him lovingly and he kissed her back the same way. They kissed over and over with building passion, mumbling words of love to each other. After a long while they had gotten into bed and they both took their time touching and kissing the other one. Monica felt on the verge of tears when he finally entered her and they together found a slow and steady rhythm, making their bodies move in perfect harmony. It didn't hurt her at all this time, it felt better than she had remembered sex to be. But it was just as much the opening to how to solve their problems as it was the physical act itself.

"Monica?"
Monica looked up when she heard him say her name. He was asking for her. She didn't want him to waste his strength trying to talk.
"Schhh" she gently shushed him. "You're weak. Don't talk. I'm right here."
Chandler looked at her with eyes that had lost most of their color but none of the love she was so used finding in them. He had come to the same conclusion as her, he wasn't going to live for much longer, and he was happier than she realized to find her there. And Monica was happy he recognised her at all. It had been a couple of days since he'd done that.
"I'm dying, aren't I?" he asked her with a voice that had hardly no strength and that was old and husky.
"You'll feel better soon, sweetie" Monica said, kissing his hand.
"No… I'm dying."
"Sch… Don't worry about that now.""
"I just wanted you to know" he said, "some things I want to tell you."
"Honey save your strength. Don't talk. There can't be anything you have to tell me that I don't already know."
"I know I won't live to see the sun rise" Chandler said. "So please let me say what I want to say."
She nodded, letting him have it his way.
"Don't be so sad about me" he said. "I won't stop loving you. And I'll look after them for you, for US. Finally one of us will be able to do that."
Monica nodded.
"Monica I just want to tell you… I love you the most. And I always have. The children have always had my love, but not as much as you. I never stopped loving you, and those feelings can't cease to exist just because I die. Real love is forever. Please tell the children how much I love them. But keep in mind that you're the one I love the most."
"I know" Monica said with a faint smile. "Because I feel the exact same thing for you."
"You're what made life worth living. No matter how bad things got, you made it all worth it. You made me able to wake up each day with a smile. You're a blessing. We said our vows for better and for worse, and that's what we got. And that's what we made it through. Go look in my jacket pocket."
Monica looked surprised, but went over to the closet and searched through his pocket. She came across a satin pouch, and went over to him with it.
"Look inside" he said.
She did, and she was moved to tears by what she found. It was two more charms for her bracelet.
"We'll never have a diamond anniversary or an iron anniversary" he said. "But your bracelet won't be complete without those charms. The diamond and the iron piece have silver rings to attach to the rings on the bracelet, instead of gold."
"I can see that" Monica said.
"Those are the only two ones left. Diamond anniversary, sixty years. And iron anniversary, seventy five years. I won't be there for those anniversaries and I didn't think it would be right for you to wear those charms with the gold pieces to attach to the bracelet. So I got them in silver instead. That way you will have all twenty-four charms for the bracelet, but only the twenty-two ones I celebrated with you in gold."
"I love you baby…" she said, and dried her tears.
"You know I know that… And that I love you too" he said. "Hopefully the two silver plated charms will help you remember how much you mean to me when I'm no longer here to remind you myself."
He quieted and closed his eyes. Monica felt a cold hand clasp her heart. She begged him silently to open his eyes. After over fifteen minutes he did.
"The letters…" he said.
"Yes?"
"I knew you would make me read them sooner" he said with a faint smile. "I knew it on our wedding day. I've read both yours and mine two years ago. Did you read them yet love?"
Monica shook her head.
"I wanted to save them. I'm going to read them after…" She began crying. "After you're gone. To have a piece of you left, to have our memory intact and to hear you speak to me, saying things I haven't heard before, even if you're dead."
He nodded.
"Dry those tears Monica… We've made the most out of our years. As long as you love me we will still have each other." He swallowed. "To this day I have never watched a sunset with you since we married. Remember our honeymoon. The sun never did set."
Monica nodded. She leaned in and kissed him with all of her love. She had gotten a vaccination for scarlatina, she wasn't worried about catching it herself. They both whispered that they loved each other at the same time. She then leaned back and looked at him. His breath was wheezing and she knew he was in pain. His throat ached, just like his head did and probably all of his joints and most muscles. He probably suffered from great itches too, but he didn't complain a bit.
She knew he was still awake. She wondered for how much longer he would be. She had been with him when he'd fallen asleep for fifty-five years now, ever since the night in London more than half a century ago. Back then she had felt like when she got together with someone for good she wouldn't get to spend many years with him compared to how long she'd waited to find him. But she realized that Chandler had been with her for fifty-five years now, and she had only had to wait twenty-eight years to find love in him. Even though it had felt like a very long time back then, she now knew she would have waited another twenty-eight years if it had meant getting to be with him. He would have been more than worth the wait. Richard had said something like that to her once, but she wondered if he had ever felt for her what she felt for Chandler. She doubted it. Richard had let her go over the baby issue. Monica loved her children very much, but she knew in her heart that if Chandler had told her before they'd become parents that the last thing he wanted was children, she would still have married him. She saw his eyes open and look at her. She looked at him back with all of her love and the look in her eyes told him not to speak. He didn't have to, she knew already what he would want to tell her. She had gotten to know him so well that she had often brought him something to drink before he'd said he was thirsty, or something to eat before he'd told her he was hungry. And he had done the same for her. All the years together had made them learn how to read each other's body language, and all they needed was one look at the other one to know what mood the other one was in and in some cases even what had caused it. Monica knew that their children envied that in their parents' marriage, neither of them had found the same thing with the people they'd married. Monica always told them to give it time, that she and Chandler hadn't been that way at first. It had taken them more than a decade, but when she thought back on it, it felt as if they had always been synched like that.
Chandler's eyes closed again and Monica suddenly knew. He had been right earlier, he wouldn't live to see the sunrise. She felt desperation wash over her like a tidal wave, he had to be there, she couldn't let him leave her. She felt his hand squeeze hers, barely hard enough for her to even detect. She knew he was telling her to let him go, to let him die. And to not be so sad. She tried her best to repress her devastation, to be there for him during his last minutes in life, but she knew she didn't succeed completely. But she didn't say a word, she just watched him, watched over him as he took his last breaths and then died. Their fifty-two year-old marriage had reached an end, it could never continue from here. She was a widow.



Part 2 of four will come along eventually, it takes a while to write J. I love feedback, constructive criticism is welcome, please send your comments and/or questions to [email protected] (and make sure you write 2 underlines, the poor girl with [email protected] gets enough mails meant for me anyway J)