Part 7, The new Monica

By Anna

Monica stood in the door opening of the hospital room. She had been up and about for over a month by now, but it wasn’t until now she was going to leave the hospital. It had been nine months since the accident, it was in the middle of March, the year 2001.

Dr. Barkley had wanted to send her home almost immediately after the casts had been removed from her legs, but she had claimed it would be easier for her to stay because of all the physical therapy and medical treatment. And then each time the doctor wanted to send her home she had faked pain or something else to get to stay. She didn’t want to leave the hospital, it was the only place she felt safe. But she finally realized it was best to go home, otherwise the doctor might realize that something was wrong, and she didn’t want him to be bothering her about yet another one of her problems.

Chandler stood next to her, holding his coat over his arm. He was waiting for her to pick up her small bag and come with him. He was the only one who’d come to bring her home, the rest were waiting for her at home. Home. Right now she felt like the hospital was home. It was the only place she could ever remember being.

She slowly buttoned her coat as she took one last look at the room. The golden necklace with the heart hung round her neck.

"Are you coming?" Chandler said. The past six months he had been acting less loving around her, more careful. Monica wondered why.

"Yeah, just… taking one last look…" she said, using that as an excuse to drag things out. She could tell he was getting stressed, wanting to leave, but she still looked around very carefully. The note board was now free from pictures, Phoebe had taken them down the night before and brought them to the apartment. The bed was without sheets, there was no patient in need of the room at the moment so they didn’t have to make the bed again immediately.

With a sigh she picked up her small duffle bag and fallowed Chandler out. She squinted at the bright daylight outside, not having seen it for about nine months. It wasn’t the same to see it through the small window in her hospital room.

Chandler stopped a cab, and they got in. She felt slightly scared, it was like experiencing a whole new country for the first time, only this was her home town.

Chandler eyed her discreetly as he paid the cab driver thirty minutes later. The traffic had been jammed, so it had taken a while longer to get back home, and he thanked his lucky star it was a set rate and not a time-set amount.

Monica had already gotten out of the car, looking around her carefully and holding the small duffle bag with her toothbrush and things like that in.

Chandler grabbed her by the arm and led her to their door. She didn’t make the slightest move to have remembered Central Perk as they passed by it. Chandler wondered if she’d ever remember as much as she once had. After all, it had been nine months and she didn’t remember much more than her name.

"They should be here by now" Joey said, glancing at his watch again. He and the rest were waiting for Chandler and Monica in the couple’s apartment.Phoebe shrugged her shoulders and fluffed a pillow.

"You know how hard the traffic can be sometimes."

Joey looked from her to Ross and then to Rachel. He wondered what they were thinking. He would desperately like to discuss Monica’s changed personality with them, but it was as if the subject was taboo. The only one who admitted that she was different now was Chandler. And he didn’t like to talk about it. The realisation that she didn’t love him back the way she once had had been a hard strike for him, and he usually avoided the subject. But Joey didn’t want to ignore the problem or forget about it. He wanted to talk about it, and he wanted them all to try and figure out what they should do.

But it wasn’t just the change in Monica that scared Joey. Chandler was different too. His old witty self was gone, these days he was just depressed. The only thing that brought a smile to his face was Monica, but her new attitude towards him and everything else kept Chandler at a distance. Joey wondered if she even liked Chandler anymore. It was obvious that Chandler still was crazy about her, he did whatever she asked him to do and he stood up for her no matter what.

Joey had thought that once Monica woke up from her coma, Chandler would get happy again, and become less serious. It hadn’t turned out that way. While Monica had become more wild and forward, Chandler had taken over her role as the seriousness. It was as if he was trying to play both parts of their relationship, to keep it from falling apart.

Monica and Chandler entered the apartment, and Phoebe leaped up from the couch to go over and give Monica a hug.

"So great to have you back, Mon!" she said, took her hand and proceeded to give Monica the tour. The rest of them felt weird seeing somebody show Monica where all the rooms were, as if guiding a stranger.

"And this is the bedroom…" Phoebe said, dragging Monica inside. The others couldn’t hear the rest of the monologue.

"Wow, it sure feels great to have her back" Chandler said, taking of his coat. "Even though she can’t remember." He looked over at Monica’s coat, which she had thrown on a chair. He picked it up. "And even though she’s not exactly the same Monica as before…"

"Come on, I’ll show you the view from the balcony!" Phoebe continued, dragging Monica out of the bedroom and helping her get out on the balcony.

"Yeah, she sure is different" Joey said to the rest. "I guess there’s nothing left to do but to wait and see if it’s a change for the better or for the worse."

"Better" Chandler immediately said, in a sharp tone. "She’s just as wonderful as she used to be, she’s just going through a hard time and that’s made her a bit more serious. That’s all." Joey looked at Ross and Rachel, hoping one of them would disagree with Chandler, because deep down they knew he wasn’t right. But Ross and Rachel just turned their focus to the TV, which Rachel had turned on.

"Yeah, the view is pretty…" Monica said out on the balcony. "It’s SO romantic to see all of the buildings and no sky."

If Phoebe noticed the sarcasm in Monica’s voice, she didn’t show it.

"Does it help you remember anything?" she asked.

"That apartment right there…" Monica said, pointing to Ross’s apartment.

"Who lives there? It’s someone we know, isn’t it? Some… ugly guy…"

"Ugly naked guy" Phoebe said. "But he’s moved out. Can you remember who lives there now?"

"No" Monica said. She walked up to the railing and leaned onto it.

"Monica? Do you want to go back inside?" Phoebe asked.

Monica shook her head. She felt truly miserable, and as long as she stayed out here she didn’t have to please the people inside by trying to remember things. She was so sick of trying to bring her memory back, she barely even cared if she would remember or not.

"Okay…" Phoebe said, after a moment of silence. "So just say so when you want to go back in."

Monica came very close to saying ‘never’, but she thought the better of it. There was no use in letting them find out how she wanted to cry just at the thought of having to live here, and hang out with this crowd. She didn’t feel there was something wrong with the people themselves, but it was like she had to like and love them, and she didn’t want somebody telling her who to like and not to like. So she kept her distance to them.

The only one of the crowd that were supposed to be her friends, that she actually liked, was Joey. But she had soon realized that she could never have his friendship without having to hang out with all the others as well.

Chandler was the one she felt most uncomfortable around, still. Everyone expected her to love him, or to start to love him soon. But she didn’t want to do that. After nine months he was still mostly a stranger to her, and she wished she could see him as seldom as possible.

Monica turned her head and looked at Phoebe. After Joey, Phoebe was the one she could stand the best. There was something artless about her, sort of an innocence that made her easier to stand.

"Okay, let’s go back inside" Monica said, wanting to get the evening over with so that they would all leave and she could be alone.

The biggest shock for Monica came that evening, after dinner and hanging out. The group was getting ready to leave, but Chandler made no move to go anywhere. He just sat on the couch and waved goodbye to the rest as they left. Monica silently hoped he was going to leave soon. She made a lame excuse and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

Twenty minutes later when she was already laying in bed, Chandler came in and lay down next to her. She tried not to stare at him, wondering why he had gotten into bed as well. She gave him a nervous smile and reached over to turn of the lights.

"I’m so glad to have you back, hon" Chandler said, and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. Monica’s smile got even more nervous. "The place just wasn’t the same without you." It slowly struck Monica that they lived together.

"Goodnight" she said, forcing her tone to sound cheerful, and then switched her light off and laid down, wondering what to do about the new problem that had occurred.

Chandler turned his light of as well and glanced over at her. She looked almost like she had done the last time she’d laid in this bed. But there was something else than the physical marks of the accident, there was a distant look in her eyes that he’d never seen before. He shook his head, shutting out the thought of why it was there, and enjoyed going to bed next to her again. She was so beautiful, even during these circumstances, and he couldn’t help but smiling lovingly at her.

She didn’t notice.

After laying quiet for a few minutes Chandler realized just how tired he was. He had been sleeping so bad ever since the accident, and it was like her being in the same bed as him calmed him and brought the need to sleep on. Not thinking clearly he rolled over and laid an arm around her. Monica instantly froze and her new attitude towards him came back to Chandler in just a split second.

Even though he should have known she wouldn’t be as affectionate anymore, her reaction hurt him deeply. He felt heartbroken, and rolled back over to his side of the bed, trying to shut out the pain.

Monica didn’t feel very relieved when he rolled away from her. When he’d touched her she’d felt nearly accosted, and she had felt scared. Scared that he would want something more than just holding her when he went to sleep. It took her over an hour to calm down enough to go to sleep, and right before she did, she noticed that Chandler was still awake. She could tell by his breath.

A few nights passed with Monica feeling slightly scared and very uncomfortable, and Chandler feeling hurt and betrayed. Finally he decided that her needs were much more important to him than his own, so he told her he would be sleeping in the guest room. After all, once she’d woken up from her coma, he’d spent almost every night in that bed. He was more familiar with it than with the one in the bedroom, or at least it felt so.

"How can you still refuse to see that she’s not the same Monica we all used to know?" Joey asked Chandler over lunch, the day after Chandler started sleeping in the guest room.

"She’s the same" Chandler said. "It’s just the memory loss that has made her unsure. She’ll be her old self again once it all comes back to her."

"No, maybe she won’t be" Joey insisted. "We don’t know that, she might have had a personality change, this whole experience is enough to change her forever."

"Look Joey, I’m telling you, my girlfriend is FINE!" Chandler said.

"When you can’t stand your boyfriend touching you then you’re not fine" Joey remarked, seeing Chandler’s face getting paler at that comment.

"Well she doesn’t remember me really" Chandler said, searching for an explanation. Anyone other than the real one would do. "Would you be truly comfortable in an environment you can’t recall, and with a person that you don’t remember completely?" He heard as well as Joey that it was a thin argument.

Joey put some extra ketchup on his burger, willing to let the subject go. He didn’t want to push Chandler anymore than he wanted to push Monica.

"You know what I really want, Joe?" Chandler said, not finished with the subject. "The thing that I want most of all in the world… is to hear her say she loves me."

Joey looked up at his friend. Chandler was resting his chin in his hand, staring out the window of the diner.

"Nothing used to make me happier…" Chandler continued. "Whenever she called me anything, weather it was Chandler, honey or something else, I would feel so lucky. But never as when she said she loved me."

"I wish I could help you out somehow" Joey said, really meaning it.

"God, it’s just…" Chandler paused for a second. "It’s just killing me to know that I might never get to hear it again."

"Don’t loose faith so soon, Chandler" Joey said. "She’s going through a rough time right now, and how easy can it be to love someone when you don’t remember them? But it will all come back, I know it will. When she remembers, she will also remember how much she loves you."

"But what if she never does remember?" Chandler asked. "Or worst case scenario…" He looked at Joey instead of out the window. "What if love is an emotion that you can’t just… remember? That she will remember exactly everything, but she won’t love me anymore. Good god Joey, what do I do then?"

Joey didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell his friend that it was all going to work out, but he knew that he might be wrong. He was hoping that he wasn’t.

The change in Monica’s personality became much clearer after coming home from the hospital. She had gone from being kind, polite and caring, to being flirty, slightly selfish and wild. The first big change that her friends noticed, was that cleaning was not something that interested her much. It was mostly Chandler who did the dishes and vacuumed, and he did it because he wanted things to be easy for her. But he started to wonder if she even noticed all the things he did for her. And he wondered if he’d noticed what she did for HIM before the accident. He slowly realized that he hadn’t given her nearly enough credit for everything she did around their home.

But there was another thing that he’d come to think of, something that scared him a bit. It was as if all of a sudden he and Monica had switched roles. She was now the messy one who lived for the day. He was the one who followed after, cleaning up her messes. Chandler wondered to himself if he was loosing his identity.

"Chandler!" Rachel yelled, entering the apartment one day, while Chandler was doing the dishes.

"Yeah?" Chandler said, not bothering to look up.

"Tell your stupid girlfriend to stop hitting on my boyfriend! She doesn’t >listen to me, so YOU talk to her!"

Chandler nearly dropped the plate in his hand.

"Excuse me, Monica is hitting on your boyfriend?"

"Uh-hu!" Rachel cried out.

"But…" Chandler just couldn’t believe it. He slowly put the plate down. "There must be some kind of misunderstanding. I mean… Monica would never do such a thing. And she’s got ME."

"Oh you should have seen her!" Rachel said. "She was pulling every flirting trick in the book, but so discreetly that Don barely understood that she had him right where she wanted him. Now you talk to her, I don’t want my boyfriend staring at some other woman like that, especially not her!"

Chandler frowned, not knowing what to do. But he decided that it must be some sort of misunderstanding.

The next week Chandler kept getting complains from every direction. All the women he knew seemed to be having problems with Monica coming on to their boyfriends. Chandler once again felt like he was loosing his identity. He was now the one who had to be responsible and take care of all the problems, the only difference was that Monica had always been able to turn to him, but now he couldn’t turn to her. People treated him like they once treated Monica, and they came to him to complain about the other person in the relationship. But the difference was that Chandler hadn’t been annoying people by flirting around, he’d been annoying them by JOKING around. At the same time Chandler was getting his heart broken. It was becoming obvious to him now that Monica didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. She barely even spoke to him when they met in the apartment. And he also noticed how uncomfortable he made her. And he couldn’t for his life figure out why. All he’d ever done was to love her unconditionally.

Chandler looked through the mail, half-heartedly. Allot of doctor bills, it seemed like Monica had to go to a billion different doctors, including a physical therapist. His eye fell on a postcard from Rome. He turned it and saw that it was actually for Joey, from his sister Gina. Chandler threw it on the table, absent minded. Then he came across something that caught his interest.

"Hey" Monica said, entering the apartment.

"Hey Mon" Chandler said, looking up. "You’ve got a letter. From your pen pal in Seattle." Monica frowned and took the letter from Chandler. She opened the envelope and saw that it was a two page letter. She gave it a quick glance, then threw it in the garbage.

"You’re not even gonna READ it?" Chandler was shocked. This was certainly nothing the old Monica would do.

"What’s the point?" Monica asked. "I don’t remember this person."

"Yes, but reading the letter could be good for you anyway. You know, to help you remember."

"No," Monica angrily said, "it’s gonna help YOU to THINK I might remember." She took of he coat and flung it over a chair. "Oh man, what is it with those physical therapists?" she then asked, clearly annoyed.

Chandler didn’t say a thing. He was so surprised that she was actually talking to him without having to.

"That idiot Mendelsen is really something, you know?" Monica continued, speaking of her physical therapist. "I mean, why does he ask me if this or that hurts? What does he expect when he leans his entire body weight on a muscle that I damaged completely about a year ago?"

"I don’t know…" Chandler said. "Maybe he just wants to find out if it still hurts."

"And maybe alligators are flat ‘cause they walked in the jungle while the elephants were parachuting" Monica hissed back. Then she went to the bedroom and slammed the door shut. Chandler shook his head. They had got to do something about the problem Monica.

"Excuse me?"

Ross glared at his friend from across the table. Chandler’s eyes didn’t budge one bit. Ross looked at the rest of his friends, also with slightly surprised looks on their faces over Chandler’s sudden suggestion.

"So, tell me, how is going to Montauk going to help Monica?" Rachel asked.

"Change of environment, Rach" Chandler told her. "Plus she might remember something while out there. We don’t know. And besides, I think we all need to get away for a while."

"Yeah, get away from HER" Rachel mumbled, but not low enough for Chandler not to hear.

"Hey!" he cried out, slamming his fist to the table. "None of that, okay? This is MONICA were talking about, do you understand? I REFUSE to believe that this weird way she’s been acting is something that will go on. She’s too good for ending up like this. Now I will do whatever it takes to get my old Monica back, and if you aren’t willing to do the same then you can just rise and leave. In that case you were never Monica’s friend, the question is if you were even mine." He looked from one of his friends to the other. "Now does anybody want to leave?"

"Well I WANT to" Rachel said, leaning over the table. "But I’m not gonna. I’m going to give you a few days or weeks in Montauk, Chandler. Get her back to her old self, or I will give up on her. I can’t take having a friend who’s a backstabber."

"With all due respect," Joey said, rolling eyes and imitating ScMonica stood in the door opening of the hospital room. She had been up and about for over a month by now, but it wasn’t until now she was going to leave the hospital. It had been nine months since the accident, it was in the middle of March, the year 2001.