Part 20, the Epilogue

"Come on Monica!"

Chandler’s voice was clear in her head, as she fought against the pain. This was the most painful thing she’d ever been through, with the exception of the accident. But this was different.

A huge stab of doctors were present in the room, in case something went wrong. But instead of calming her down their presence only made her nervous. She would prefer to only have one doctor and her husband in there with her.

Chandler’s left arm was wrapped around her shoulder, the right one was slowly massaging the small of her back. Occasionally he lifted it to her head to move her hair out of the way.

She could hear the doctor say something, but she wasn’t really paying attention. The doctor repeated what he had said when he saw that she didn’t react. When she didn’t react this time either he said her name, loudly and firmly.

Monica looked up at him and wished he would keep quiet. He was disturbing her.

"Monica!" he said. "Monica, are you listening to me?"

When he got no answer he turned to Chandler, asking him to try and get through to her.

"Mon!" Chandler said firmly. "Mon, listen up, okay?"

She nodded slightly, to show him that she was listening. But she just wished he would keep quiet as well.

When Chandler and Monica’s son had been born five years earlier she had given birth by Caesarean section. Not by her own choice, but because the doctors worried about how her body would cope with labour and birth after the accident.

Monica had been told she shouldn’t get pregnant at all, that the best thing for her would be to get sterilized, since the blood pressure levels rise during pregnancy. She was told she might even get a cerebral haemorrhage, a bleeding in the brain. But she had refused to listen to the warnings and never told Chandler about the risks. He would have insisted on an abortion when she got pregnant if he’d known. When the doctors had realized that she was determined to go through with the pregnancy they had scheduled her for a Caesarean right away.

Chandler and Monica had stopped using birth control a year after the birth of their son, hoping to get pregnant again, but it had taken four years. Some doctors had even told them that she might not be able to keep a baby, and that the pregnancy in the past had been a lucky coincidence. But then she’d finally gotten pregnant again.

Chandler had found out about the risks from a not so discreet doctor after four months, and he had been furious with her for not telling him about the risks. It was too late for an abortion at that point anyway, and she wouldn’t have agreed to one even if she could have one.

"Chandler relax!" she’d said, dismissing his worries with the wave of her hand. "Women have had children since the beginning of time."

"Not with your background" he had pointed out.

"Well I’ve had a baby before, and that went just fine!" Monica had stubbornly said. "I think it’s you who doesn’t want to have more than one kid."

"You know that’s untrue" he’d answered. "I made a promise to myself when I was little that my kids would have siblings because I always wanted a brother or a sister when I was little. But Mon, no matter how much I want another baby, I would still much rather have you if I couldn’t have both."

The discussion had led nowhere though, because it was too late anyway. And then she’d brought the next shock on him, when she announced that she wouldn’t have a Caesarean this time, she wanted to give birth the natural way. Chandler had talked to her about it every day, begging her to come to her senses.

"If not for you, then at least for the baby!" he’d said, at more than one occasion.

Monica had nearly given in when the doctors had determined that they were having twins, but in the end she had stuck to her decision.

Now she partly regretted it, the pain was driving her mad. She had been given pain killers, but she had refused epidurals, something that had made Chandler mad. He couldn’t understand why she refused to realize that she was playing with death either way, and that she would loose allot of strength fighting with the contractions. But he knew from experience that there was no changing her mind.

The obstetrician waved one of the nurses over and told her to prepare to move Monica over to the OR. He was worried about her. So far everything looked pretty much as it should, her blood pressure wasn’t dangerously high and she seemed to be doing okay. But he was well aware of the injuries she’d suffered a decade ago, and her age was also a concern. Most women who gave birth to twins weren’t forty.

Monica protested loudly when she heard that they planned on moving her to the OR. Chandler tried one last time to convince her to let them take her there, just so that they were ready in case anything went wrong. He wouldn’t have worried so much if she’d only had one baby, but now there were two. He knew that she’d every month left blood, so that the doctors could give her of her own if she would need it. George’s fate had made her careful about accepting blood from strangers. But it wouldn’t do much good anyway in case she got a bleeding in her head.

Monica realized that they wouldn’t listen to her for long, and made an effort to deliver the babies as soon as possible, before they got too nervous to stop listening to what she wanted.

The doctor told her to push, and she did. She could feel Chandler’s hand in hers, she was squeezing it hard but he didn’t complain. His other hand was still massaging the small of her back. He was talking to her, but she didn’t really hear what he was saying. She was devoting all of her concentration to the delivery, doing her best to give birth to her children.

Since she had no previous experience of this part of labour she worried. She had no idea if she was doing good or bad, and the past minutes she’d started to fear for the life of her children. She didn’t fear much for her own, but she knew that was Chandler’s biggest concern. He would prefer to let the babies die rather than to have her die. But she hadn’t planned on letting neither her nor her children die. She pushed again with all of her strength and tried to repress the pain, that was making her feel as if she would split in two.

She heard Chandler whisper something in her ear, and then the next thing she heard was a baby’s cry. She opened her eyes and looked up at Chandler first, his eyes only meeting hers for a second. She followed his gaze and looked at her newborn daughter.

Chandler kissed her on the cheek, lovingly, and whispered something in her ear. She didn’t hear what. All she focused on was the sight of her baby.

A doctor came up to her and checked her blood pressure. He looked up at the obstetrician and told him that the best thing would be to take Monica to the OR now, it was risky to continue this way. But it was risky now either way, since she’d already given birth to the first baby and done so the normal way.

Chandler rose and left Monica’s side for the first time that day, to go cut the navel-string. He turned and gave his tired wife one of his smiles that she said competed with the sun over which would be the first to melt the artic. She weakly smiled back.

Things quieted down for a few minutes, and Chandler held his daughter for the first time. The baby had stopped crying, but she looked as if she’s start over in any second. But before the baby cried Chandler heard a cry from Monica, and realized that baby number two was on it’s way. He handed the first twin over to one of the doctors and returned to his wife’s side. She gave him a thankful glance when he sat with her again, putting his arms and hands back where they’d been earlier on, one hand in hers and the other massaging the small of her back.

The short minutes between the first birth and the next contractions had made Monica realize just how tired and worn out she was. She’d been in labour for five hours, which wasn’t a very long time, but she wasn’t in as good shape as she’d been prior to her accident. And the doctors around her had made her nervous, making her mentally exhausted as well. She thanked god Chandler was with her, supporting her. And it moved her that he wanted her to let the doctors decide, just because he was concerned over her safety. But he had been surprisingly calm and he’d helped her allot.

"Good girl, come on you can do it!" she heard him whisper in her ear. He didn’t talk out loud to her, he said everything low, just for her to hear, and it gave her strength and on some level it gave her courage.

She felt dizzy, her world started to spin, and she could hear some concerned statements from the doctors in the room. But Chandler’s voice stayed calm and encouraging, even though he probably felt scared. Even though she felt too much pain at the moment to be able to listen to anything he had to say, his words still had the effect he meant them to have.

Finally it was over, and the second twin, a girl as well, was born. Chandler left her for a minute again, like he’d done when the first girl had been born, and she closed her eyes and leaned back after looking at her youngest daughter. All she wanted to do was sleep, but at the same time she was kept awake by endorphins or something else with the same function.

Three doctors were gathered around her, starting to give her blood and checking her to see what else they needed to be done. A nurse gave her IV, Monica didn’t ask why.

Chandler went over and sat down next to her on the bed, just as he had all night. It was eight o’clock in the evening. At 3 o’clock pm her contractions had started for real, after having felt a dull pain in the small of her back since the night before. Chandler had sensed what was up, and had called in sick from work to stay at home with her, and then follow her to the hospital. Now, four hours after arriving at the hospital he leaned back with his two baby daughters in his arms, looking from the girls to Monica, over and over, not able to decide where to look.

"Come on Monica…" he whispered. "Open your eyes. You’ve done such an amazing job today. Now open your eyes and meet your new twins."

Monica opened her eyes and met his gaze. For a few seconds they looked deep into each other’s eyes, blind and deaf for the commotion in the room. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, but when she opened her mouth to speak a yawn came out instead. They both chuckled, and then turned their attention to the babies in Chandler’s arms.

"Would you like to hold one of them?" he asked, even though he knew the answer. "The one to the left is the oldest, and the one to the right is the one that was born about two minutes ago."

Monica wanted to hold them both, but she felt too weak. She didn’t want to risk loosing her grip of one of them, so she just lifted the oldest twin from Chandler’s arms and placed her in her own.

"I think they have your eyes" she said with a warm smile. "At least this one does."

"Let’s hope it’s too soon to tell" Chandler said, smiling as well with his eyes on the twin in his arms. "Otherwise I feel sorry for her." He turned to the obstetrician. "When will we know if they are identical or not?"

The doctor didn’t answer. Instead he instructed one of the doctors to do something Monica and Chandler didn’t understand, and then he urged Monica to hand the baby back to her husband, since she still wasn’t finished.

Monica gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead, and then placed her in Chandler’s arms. Chandler went over to a nurse who helped him place the babies in a baby-seat so he could go back to Monica.

Once the entire labour was over and the doctors had removed the gear they used to make sure both twins were okay before they were born, Chandler and Monica were left alone. They had a baby each in their arms, and Monica was feeding the older one. Her eyes were fixated on the baby, while Chandler’s moved from one baby to the other to their mother, over and over.

"I am so proud of you!" he said to Monica, his voice nearly breaking with emotion. "You are the best, do you know that? Thank you so much for our little girls."

Monica smiled and looked up at him for a second.

"Something tells me you had something to do with it as well" she said lovingly.

"I know, I did the fun part. You did the tough bits. Minus the worrying, I took care of that."

He kissed her on the cheek, and his lips got wet from the tears falling down her face. He knew he had tears in his eyes as well. Then he rose and placed the younger twin in the baby-seat to go call Joey, who was sitting at home with a little boy who had just become a brother. He told Monica that he was going to call their son, and she looked up and told Chandler to give their boy all her love. Then she returned her eyes to the child in her arms.

Chandler had gone home the night before to be with their son, but he returned early the next morning to be with the rest of his family. Joey had promised he’d bring the boy with him later, when he came to visit Monica himself.

Monica’s bed was tilted so that she sat comfortably leaned back. In her arms was the oldest twin. The younger one was in Chandler’s arms, he was sitting on a chair to Monica’s right, the same side he’d stayed on during the entire birth process.

There was a small knock on the door, then Joey entered with Michael, their son. Monica and Chandler both looked up, although Chandler quickly returned his gaze to the newborn. Monica’s remained on her son for a while. She smiled big at him and Michael called out ‘mommy’ in excitement over seeing her again. The day before had been the first one of his life when he’d been separated from his mother for more than two hours during the day. Monica had stayed home with him once she’d had him, she’d never felt the urge to go back to work.

Chandler and Monica had gotten married on Monica’s birthday, the closest one following the engagement. And they had both found that even though things were different than before their relationship was close to perfect.

Monica was the one who was the most different. She was more insecure, more easily angered and still much more stubborn than she’d been before. But all of the changes in her that had caused problems and broken Chandler’s heart soon faded away. Being in the security of the thing she’d valued the most before the accident, her relationship with Chandler, had gotten her back on her feet and helped her become more like the woman she had been. Chandler could still, ten years after the accident, amaze over how different she still was, but deep inside she was the same as always. And the qualities he had loved the most about her hadn’t changed. He’d come to realize that even during her year of not remembering him those qualities had been there, it was just a matter of looking harder. She had been good at hiding what was in her heart, which was different from how she used to be, and that had made Chandler believe she’d lost the qualities he loved her most for. She had once been quite easy to get to know, but hard to become close with. And after the accident she’d been hard to get to know as well, since she’d been unwilling to let anybody close. There was an innocence that had gone lost, but Chandler had found that that was the only larger thing she’d lost.

Chandler was of course different too, but his change was more that he’d grown wiser. Being pained for a year, constantly fighting with emotions like grief, worry, heartache, sorrow, abandonment and pain had given him a depth he hadn’t possessed before. He was no longer the funny guy he had been, always with a joke in hand and never far from a smile. He still joked allot, but he was allot more serious these days. He had matured.

Allot of people had told them that getting married, especially so soon after finding each other again, would be a huge mistake. But they had proven everybody wrong, they had made it through all the tough times that had come their way. And tough times had come, but they had always found themselves stronger in their love and more determined to make it work, each time a tough time had passed.

The first few years it was enough for them just to be together, but two years after the wedding Monica declared she wanted a baby. And four years into the marriage Michael was born. He was a beautiful child, and a mirror image of his father, with the exception of his smile that he had gotten from his mother.

Chandler had worried all through the pregnancy about if he’d turn out to be a good enough father. Monica had insisted that he would be, because she knew that he was the kind of person that would do anything for the people he loved. And she knew for sure that he would love his child, and that prediction had been more than right. Chandler adored his son, and spent as much time with him as he could. He remembered his own childhood, remembered how all he’d wished for at times was a father who was there for him. And he’d made sure to be a father for Michael in every way that he’d wished his own father would have been for him. He took his son to different sport events and him and Monica took Michael to the movies at times, when there was a kids movie he wanted to see. And Chandler had made it his rule that he would always find time for Michael, no matter how busy his schedule was.

Chandler hadn’t been the only one to doubt his ability to be a good parent during the pregnancy. Monica had feared she would turn out to be just like her mother and grandmother had been. Once Michael was born she’d almost seen it as a relief that it was a boy, since that didn’t put her to the test as a girl baby would have done. She had a slightly different relationship with Michael than Chandler had, since she was the one who was at home with him every day and had to deal with the most of the harder sides of parenthood. When he was bad, which he rarely was though, it was Monica who lectured him. That in it’s turn had lead to a bit higher respect towards the mother.

Now Monica asked herself if she would end up treating her girls like her mother had treated her, and like her grandmother had treated Judy. But somehow she couldn’t picture herself favouring any of her children above the other. She loved all three of them very much.

"Tins?" Michael said with a frown, looking from one baby to the other, as Joey put him down on Monica’s bedside.

"Twins" Chandler corrected. "They’re your new sisters."

Michael frowned deeper.

"Couldn’t you have gotten at least one boy?" he asked, causing the adults to laugh.

"So are these identical, or are they not?" Joey asked.

"Oh we don’t know yet" Chandler said. "They’re running some tests or whatever to find out. Any siblings look alike, especially when they’re newborn, so we can’t tell from just looking at them."

"What are their names?" Michael asked, and carefully touched the baby in his mother’s arms.

"They don’t have any names yet" Monica said with a smile. "We’ll let you know as soon as we do."

"When will you know?"

Monica looked at Chandler, who shrugged his shoulders.

"Soon" Monica said, not having any better answers.

"Can I hold one?" Michael asked, leaning closer to look at his sister. "I’ll be very careful."

"Mike, come here" Chandler said.

The boy jumped down from his mother’s bed and went over to his father. Chandler handed the baby to Joey and then pulled Michael up into his arms. Joey then handed the baby back, and Michael held his youngest sister, carefully watched over by his father. Chandler had a slight grip around the baby as well, just to be safe.

"She’s tiny" Michael commented.

"They’re precious" Joey added, now holding the older twin. "Boy are you two lucky…"

"Well we’ve paid a price to come this far" Chandler commented, frowning at the memory of the accident and amnesia, something that seemed so far away to them now. It was in a whole other decade, but it’s marks were still clear.

"It was all worth it" Monica commented in a whisper, looking into Chandler’s eyes. "I’d gladly go through it all again for these three."

"Mikey did have a good point…" Chandler commented the next day. The gang was on it’s way with Michael, as well as Monica’s parents, to see the twins, but right now Chandler and Monica had some time alone with their babies.

"About what?" Monica asked, not taking her eyes of the younger twin that she was feeding at the moment.

"About that they need names."

Monica laughed slightly.

"If you’re gonna suggest anything along the lines of Jean and Jane, Mindy and Mandy, Josie and Jessie or Julie and Julia, then I suggest that you rethink" she said.

"No, nothing like that" Chandler said, and jokingly added with a laugh; "I was thinking Stacy and Tracy."

Monica laughed, and shook her head.

"Or why not give them marathon names with, like, seven syllables?" she sarcastically suggested.

"I think that we’re going to be reported to the social services soon if we don’t get a grip" Chandler joked.

"Seriously though," Monica said, lifting up the baby to burp her, "what should we name them? What kind of names should we give them?"

"I think Indian names" Chandler said, still joking. "Like Screaming Banshee and Crying Eagle."

Monica gave him a look, and he quickly made an ‘I’m sorry’ gesture with his right hand.

"Sorry. But you have to agree that it’s funny that one baby sounds more like she’s screaming and one sounds more like she’s just crying."

"That’s probably because one of them screams more" Monica said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, should we give them names after people we know, like family and friends? Or…"

"Well, in that case I think there’s going to be strong support for naming them Phoebe and Rachel" Chandler pointed out. "And Phoebe would be too complicated, we already have two Phoebes. And Rachel is way too common, I want more unusual names."

"True…" Monica said and looked down on her youngest daughter. "And to tell you the truth, this one here doesn’t look like a Rachel nor a Phoebe."

Chandler smiled and walked over to the chair where he’d been sitting most of the time these past two days. He sat down and took a look at the baby in his arms.

"Neither does this one" he said with a smile. "And to be honest she doesn’t look like a Screaming Banshee either."

"I’m happy for her" Monica said with a laugh.

"You know though, I was thinking…" Chandler said. "If we decide to name them after a ‘theme’, well you know what I mean, instead of just giving them names that we like, I think we should give them sort of symbolic names."

"Like what?" Monica said, confused.

"Well I don’t know…" Chandler said, looking down on his oldest daughter. "Like… Faith, for example."

"Fate?" Monica said in disbelief.

"No, Faith. You know, ‘cause they wouldn’t even be here if we didn’t have faith in each other."

"God that is so tacky!" Monica said.

"Well Faith is a real name, isn’t it?"

"Yeah…" Monica agreed. She paused. "So should Faith be the younger or the older?"

"Older" Chandler immediately said. "I came up with it with this one in mind, didn’t I?" he continued, looking at his daughter, who yawned and closed her eyes. "Great pumpkin, fall asleep while we’re discussing things that is going to have a major effect on your life" he said, rolling his eyes. Then he glared at Monica, who was laughing at his sarcastic comment.

"Okay, so we’ve decided then?" she said. "Twin number one is Faith. But don’t suggest that we name Faith’s sister Hope, because that’s almost as bad as naming them Mindy and Mandy."

"I promise I won’t" Chandler said.

"So is our younger daughter going to have a name that’s ‘symbolic’ too, or should we just name her anything we like?"

"We could name her Victoria," Chandler smiled, "that way she’d either be a queen or a underwear saleswoman." He frowned at the last one. "Okay, so we’re not naming her Victoria."

"Faith and Victoria sounds a bit odd…" Monica added. "And besides, I thought that Kate was the typical name for queens. Queens and nuns, I think."

"In that case I support it completely."

"Come on Chandler, Faith and Kate? The names sound too alike. How about…" Monica thought for a while. "How about we name her Carrie?"

"Sounds too much like carry."

"Fine" Monica sighed. "Abigail?"

"Ugly" Chandler said.

"Hey, my best friend in kindergarten had that name!" Monica said, offended. "Then how about Zoë?"

Chandler thought about if for a few seconds.

"Well, there’s really nothing wrong with it, I guess… But you know, Joey and Zoë sound kinda’ alike."

"So do Faith and Rach, although not as much" Monica pointed out.

"Why don’t we stick to the symbolic thing?" Chandler suggested. "Otherwise she might feel less important than her sister, since Faith got a symbolic name and the younger one didn’t."

"How’s it going to make her feel less important that we named her something we thought was pretty?" Monica asked.

"Fine, never mind" Chandler said with a sigh. "I just thought it would be better that way."

"Well honey, if you can come up with a ‘symbolic’ name that won’t make children pick on her, then I wouldn’t reject it without giving it some thought."

"Yeah, that’s the tricky part" Chandler agreed. "Making sure she won’t get bullied over it just because her crazy dad wanted a name that had a special meaning to it. And you told me that Hope was out of the question, so…"

"Unless we decide to name the older sister Hope instead of Faith."

"Faith’s better" Chandler assured her. "And besides, it’s a bit more unusual. And it doesn’t sound like she’s a country singer."

Monica smiled.

"Though you know Chandler, giving her a ‘symbolic’ name doesn’t have to be so tricky. Isn’t the important thing that it’s symbolic to us? Why don’t we name her after someone who’s played an important part in all of this?"

"Suggest Petra after Pete Becker, and you’re out on thin ice" Chandler said.

"No, no, I wouldn’t want to name my daughter after the man that hit me with his car, got me drunk and tried to take advantage of my amnesia…"

"Well luckily enough you came to your senses before he could do so" Chandler said, and frowned. He looked down at the baby in his arms. "Your mama was very lucky then, yes she was" he said in the typical kind of voice that people use when they speak to infants. Then he looked up at his wife. "Hey Monica, what about Lucky?" he asked her.

"Huh?" Monica said.

"Lucky. Why don’t we name her Lucky?"

"Lucky?"

"Yeah. You know, like Lucy with a k."

"I know how to spell Lucky, thank you very much" Monica said. She looked down at her so far unnamed daughter. "Lucky…" she said, carefully trying the name out. "It sure would be an unusual name… But not unusual enough for you to be considered weird… Faith and Lucky…" She looked up at Chandler. "I like it" she said, smiling carefully.

"So are we agreed then?" Chandler asked. "The girls will be named Faith and Lucky?"

"Yeah" Monica agreed, although feeling a bit unsure. "Hey honey, I wonder what kind of people they’ll turn out to be."

"I can tell you one thing" Chandler said, going over to her. "They’re going to be kinda’ self involved. Because I intend to spoil them rotten."

While he talked he placed Faith in her mother’s arms next to her sister, and kissed Monica on the forehead.

"Didn’t I tell you that there was heaven on earth for you?" Monica heard a distant voice saying. She turned her head and looked over her left shoulder, trying to discover where the voice had spoken from. A brief look at Chandler told her that he hadn’t hear it. And then she saw George, pale and transparent, just like a ghost. He smiled at her and then vanished. Monica shook her head and wondered if she was seeing things, or if George really did speak to her.

"I’m gonna go see if the rest are here" Chandler whispered, kissed her and then left.

Monica looked down at her babies, and felt ready to burst with her love for them, their brother and their father. With a loving smile on her face she unknowingly took up the same line as Chandler had sung on the day of her accident.

"I believe that children are our future…"