Part 10, the Trick

 

 

 

"Hey Chandler, check out my new card trick!" Phoebe said, playing with a deck of cards.

 

"Not now Phoebs" Chandler sighed, staring out the window.

 

"Oh come on, you can’t just wait around for something fun to happen! You have to CREATE the fun!"

 

Chandler eyed Phoebe suspiciously, and even more when Rachel, Ross and Joey entered the living room.

 

"Is there something going on?" he asked.

 

"What’s going on?" Ross asked.

 

"Never mind" Chandler said, returning his gaze to the window. "Okay Phoebe, how does this sound for fun? We all go out to that pub and have dinner."

 

"Oh, oh, can I order lobster?" Phoebe asked.

 

"Animal?" Chandler asked back, seriously confused.

 

"Nobody said I was GONNA, I was just wondering if I COULD."

 

Chandler shrugged his shoulders.

 

"Hey, when you go out… Can I come?" Monica asked, almost nervously, coming down the stairs.

 

"Sure, of course!" Chandler said, trying not to sound too anxious in case that would scare her off. This was the first time she’d shown any interest in tagging along with the others for something they’d planned.

 

"Hey, you know what I think?" Rachel said, sitting down in an armchair. "I was thinking that we could take it one step further and go out to a fancy restaurant. ‘Cause then Phoebe can have her… lobster, if she decides to eat meat… And I could get to dress up! I seriously want to dress up!"

 

Ross smiled and shook his head. It was good to know one of them hadn’t changed.

 

"Okay" Chandler said. "This Saturday, then?"

 

"Great." Monica gave him a small but warm smile, then returned upstairs again. Chandler analysed the smile in his head. Was Monica coming around all of a sudden?

 

"Wow, when you say ‘dress up’ you sure mean ‘dress up’!" Ross remarked as Rachel sat down at the table. She had dressed up in a floor-length gown, and compared to Phoebe, who was dressed quite casual, it looked really out of place.

 

"I like to dress up" was Rachel’s remark.

 

Monica sat down next to them, dressed in-between Phoebe and Rachel’s styles. She nervously smiled at the three guys sitting opposite her, feeling a bit unsure and somewhat awkward.

 

"Do they have the lobster?" Phoebe asked, reaching for a menu.

 

"What IS it with you and lobster?" Joey asked, handing Rachel and Monica a menu to share between them. "Sorry girls" he said "but since you guys hadn’t arrived the waiter thought there were just three of us."

 

Ross nudged Chandler under the table to get him to stop looking at Monica. Although Chandler wasn’t really looking. He was staring.

 

"Sorry" he whispered to Ross, then he smiled mischievously and whistled ‘Sex Bomb’. Neither of the girls seemed to notice, but the guys shared an amused look.

 

"I think I want the beef steak with the baked potato…" Monica said to Phoebe, pointing it out in the menu.

 

"Cool, I’ll just go with the vegetarian lasagne" Phoebe replied and handed the menu back to Joey.

 

A waiter came and took their orders. Chandler nervously watched Monica to see if she’d flirt with him. She did not, she simply smiled when she told him her order, just like the other two girls.

 

Dinner was a pleasant occasion, it seemed as if all of the anger between them all was forgiven, or at least laid aside for the evening. They chatted and laughed as they ate.

 

It was only at one point, right after they’d ordered in dessert, that the mood turned unpleasant.

 

Joey had gotten so relaxed in the situation that he forgot what the situation truly was, and so he started to talk about the time they’d gone out to dinner for Ross’s birthday and ended up fighting over money. The others gladly remembered the occasion and continued to talk about it, but Monica had no idea what they were talking about.

 

Feeling useless, she sank back in her seat, not bothering to keep a smile on her face. And she felt like the others set her aside, chatting along about stuff they knew she most likely didn’t remember, and she wondered if she’d done the right thing to come with them this evening. She didn’t feel like she was part of their group, they had so many secrets between each other, secrets that she’d once known but not any longer, and nobody wanted to let her in.

 

Joey saw the look on her face after a few minutes, and wanted to kick himself for not remembering that she had amnesia.

 

"Mon, so sorry" he said, getting the others to realize too, and give Monica apologetic looks.

 

"Yeah, well…" Monica said, leaning back up to take a sip from her drink. "C’est la vie."

 

The others sat quiet for a few seconds. They felt ashamed.

 

"Hey, Mon, why don’t you try out your dancing skills?" Ross then said, forced cheerfully, in an attempt to change the subject.

 

"What?" Monica said.

 

"Sure!" Ross insisted. "Chandler, you can dance with her, right?"

 

"Thanks bro, but I don’t need you to set me up, I can ask him myself!" Monica hissed, and then turned to Chandler. "So, are we dancing or not?"

 

As soon as he heard the drums that began the song, Chandler recognized it. And he found it terribly ironic that he would be dancing with Monica to this very song. It was "Always", by Bon Jovi.

 

This Romeo is bleeding.

 

But you can’t see his blood.

 

It’s nothing but some feelings.

 

That this old dog kicked up.

 

It’s been raining since you left me.

 

Now I’m drowning in the flood.

 

You see, I’ve always been a fighter.

 

But without you I give up.

 

Chandler carefully placed his hand on the small of her back. He couldn’t believe she was actually dancing close to him, and he couldn’t believe how great she looked. She was dressed in a white, floor-length sailor dress, where the small parts that should have been navy-blue were light pink instead. The back was low-cut with pink straps, like on a corset. He could feel her skin partly, when he placed his hand there.

 

Now I can’t sing a love song.

 

Like the way it’s meant to be.

 

Well I guess I’m not that good anymore.

But baby that’s just me, and I.

 

Will love you, baby.

 

Always, and I’ll be there.

 

Forever and a day.

 

Always.

 

I’ll be there ‘till the stars don’t shine.

 

Till the heavens burst and the words don’t rhyme.

 

I know when I die you’ll be on my mind.

 

And I’ll love you, always.

 

Monica smiled slightly. This was going better than she’d expected.

 

Now the pictures that you left behind.

 

Are just memories of a different life.

 

Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry.

 

One that made you have to say goodbye.

 

Will I get to run my fingers through your hair.

 

And touch your lips, to hold you near.

 

When you say your prayers, try to understand.

I’ve made mistakes, I’m just a man.

 

Chandler moved his hand up and slowly stroke her dark, long hair that hung loose down her back, as usual.

 

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near.

 

When he says the words you’ve been needing to hear.

 

I’ll wish I was him, got these words of mine.

 

To say to you ‘till the end of time, and I.

 

Chandler slowly let his hand slide back down to the small of her back. He nervously waited for her negative reaction. There was none.

 

Will love you, baby.

 

Always, and I’ll be there.

 

Forever and a day.

 

Always.

 

Monica rested her head against his shoulder and nearly let out a small sigh.

 

If you told me to cry for you, I could.

If you told me to die for you, I would.

 

Take a look at my face.

 

There’s no price I won’t pay.

 

To say these words to you.

 

Phoebe watched them along with the others, from their table. And she got a strange feeling that she was seeing them TOGETHER again. And the thought hit her, like so many times before. ‘God what a great couple they make’.

 

Well there ain’t no luck.

 

In these rolling dice.

 

But baby if you give me just one more try.

 

We could pack up our old dreams and our old lives.

 

We’ll find a place where the sun still shines, and I.

 

Chandler carefully laid his chin against her hair, catching a breath of it. He felt like he was on cloud nine, and the best part was that Monica seemed to think the same.

 

Will love you, baby.

 

Always, and I’ll be there.

 

Forever and a day.

 

Always.

 

Chandler caught another breath of her hair, and slowly stroke her back with his hand. He smiled content.

 

I’ll be there ‘till the stars don’t shine.

 

‘Till the heavens burst and the words don’t rhyme.

 

I know when I die you’ll be on my mind.

 

And I’ll love you.

 

Always.

 

The song was over too fast, it felt. Chandler could have gone on dancing for ages. But Monica took his hand once the music had faded out, and led him back to the others.

 

"Where’s Ross?" she asked when they sat down. Chandler smiled to himself. He hadn’t even noticed Ross was gone.

 

"Oh he’s in the john" Joey told her. "Dessert sure is taking long."

 

"Oh look, there he comes!" Rachel said, and then noticed that Ross wasn’t alone. "Who’s the woman?" she asked, grumpy.

 

"Looks like we’re about to find out" Chandler said.

 

Ross came up to them together with a tall, blond woman who nobody recognised.

 

"Everybody, this is Maxine" he said, introducing the woman. "And Max, that’s Joey, Chandler, Phoebe, my sister Monica and Rachel."

 

Everybody said hello to Maxine, but Rachel then ignored her. She had no intention of chatting along with Ross’s new found friend.

 

"Anyway Max, I’ll see you later!" Ross finally said, when the waiter came by with their dessert. Maxine smiled ‘bye’ and then left. Ross sat down and gave his friends a ‘Isn’t she terrific?’ look.

 

"Come on, let’s dig in, I’ve waited for this damn dessert for ages!" Joey whined and immediately started to eat from his apple pie.

 

"By the way…" Chandler said. "I’ve got to go back to work."

 

"What?" Phoebe said.

 

"Yeah, Doug wants me to come fix some report, and since I’m getting some extra paid vacation I thought I might."

 

"But… we’re all out here." Rachel said, confused.

 

"No, are you sure?" Chandler sarcastically asked. "Seriously though, it won’t be that big a deal, it’s just gonna take a couple of days and I can always ‘oscillate’."

 

"Between Montauk and Manhattan?" Rachel asked, not really understanding why he would want to do that.

 

"No, I thought it would be more fun with Leningrad and Paris."

 

Rachel rolled her eyes, but the others chuckled.

 

"For how long?" Monica asked, suddenly taking interest in his being there or not.

 

"Uh, about… about a week…" Chandler said. He barely ate his dessert, he was too busy being thrilled over Monica’s attempt to make things better between them.

 

Ross soon took off with Maxine, and Phoebe, Joey and Rachel walked home. Monica and Chandler had planned on joining them, but when they exited the restaurant Monica softly placed a hand on Chandler’s arm.

 

"Thank you for the dance…" she said low, almost whispering.

 

Chandler looked at her, trying to figure out what he should answer. ‘No problem’ somehow sounded too casual.

 

He found himself looking into her eyes, drowning in them. She didn’t look away, and she didn’t recoil when he stroke her cheek, carefully. He decided to try his luck, and he leaned in to softly kiss her.

 

Monica let him do it, she had expected it. His kiss was warm and soft, and it felt oddly familiar. Chandler noticed that she didn’t react badly to it, so he kissed her again, this time carefully sticking his tongue in her mouth. And she let him. They stood like that outside the restaurant, kissing, until they both had to break the kiss to breathe.

 

Thirty minutes later they entered Monica’s room, locked in a kiss.

 

It had taken them quite a while to walk back, though very few words had been said between them. Chandler had held his arm around her waist, and she hadn’t said or done anything about it. He took that as an acceptance.

 

Then they had started to kiss again once they got to the house. And they had walked up the stairs kissing, and now entered her room kissing.

 

Monica broke the kiss and closed the door. She smiled at Chandler, this was going just like she’d expected.

 

Chandler smiled back at her. He’d waited for this moment for a year, and he was finally with her again, kissing her, touching her. He wondered what had made her accept him again. But at the moment he really didn’t care, he could find out later.

 

Monica walked past him and took her cardigan off and put it down on a chair. Then she turned to Chandler and smiled.

 

"So do you like Bon Jovi?" she asked, causing Chandler to start laughing. That wasn’t what he’d expected her to say.

 

"You sure know how to ask the right questions" he remarked.

 

Monica smiled and chuckled.

 

"Curious minds want to know" she said. "So do you like them?"

 

"I guess…"

 

"’Cause I’ve noticed that back in the City, there are three of Bon Jovi’s records in the apartment, so I was just curious of weather they were yours or mine."

 

"Yours, actually" Chandler said, and then chuckled again. "But I bought you all three, before I moved in you barely saw them, I borrowed them all the time."

 

Monica smiled and shook her head slightly. She slowly walked closer to Chandler.

 

"Anything else the curious mind wants to know?" he softly asked, wrapping his arms around her waist, thrilled to get to do that without her recoiling or shuddering.

 

"Well… no" Monica said.

 

They kissed again, this time with a little more passion. Chandler wished he could kiss her hard and long, but he didn’t want to scare her off.

 

They broke the kiss and Monica stared at him. There was something about his kisses, they felt so tender and familiar.

 

"Do I have something on my teeth?" Chandler joked, off her stare.

 

"No" Monica whispered, and they kissed again.

 

"My gosh Monica…" Chandler whispered in her hair when the kiss ended. "I’ve waited so long for you… I love you, I want you…"

 

Monica didn’t answer, she just kissed him again.

 

"Oh, how long I’ve waited…" he mumbled when the kiss was over. He kissed her on the forehead, then the nose, then the lips. Monica lingered her arms around his neck and let him kiss her again.

 

Chandler could not believe that it had been almost exactly a year since the last time he kissed her. And he couldn’t believe how he’d managed not to go crazy during this year. It felt so right to kiss her again, it was the only thing he ever wanted to do. He had his arms around her back, and he slowly pulled her closer.

 

"Who would have thought?" she mumbled.

 

Chandler didn’t ask what she meant by that. He assumed it was the fact that they were in each other’s arms again that she was talking about, and he silently agreed with her. Who would have thought?

 

Once again they kissed. Chandler wanted it to last forever, and at the same time he wondered how long it would be before they took it to the next step. He wasn’t sure she would be willing to sleep with him tonight, but he sure planned on finding out. After all, their very first night together she had been willing to go to bed with him.

 

Monica shook her head, as if to clear it, and then broke from the embrace. She walked over to the chair and folded her cardigan neatly, an act that caused Chandler to smile, wide and lovingly.

 

"I love it when you do that" he told her.

 

She glanced at him with a slight smile on her lips, then she walked over and sat down by the foot of the bed. She glanced over at the clock on the nightstand, then she started to laugh, slightly.

 

"Why, what’s so funny?" Chandler asked with a smile.

 

Monica didn’t answer, she just shook her head and continued to laugh slightly.

 

"Another Bon Jovi thing?" Chandler asked.

 

"No" she finally answered. "Just that it actually did turn out that you’re just like all the rest."

 

Chandler frowned. He had no idea what she meant by that comment.

 

"Who would have thought what, Mon?" he decided to ask her.

 

She stopped laughing and looked straight at him.

 

"Who would have thought that underneath your concerned act you were just after the same thing as all the rest" she said sharply, now looking angry.

 

"Huh?" Chandler said.

 

"Like you don’t know what I mean…" Monica said, rising.

 

"No, actually I don’t. What are you talking about?"

 

"About YOU!" Monica said, and it became clear to Chandler that she was annoyed over something. "I’m talking about you, Mr. Loving-caring-boyfriend. You gave up the act quite easily."

 

"Care to enlighten me?" Chandler asked, getting annoyed as well.

 

"You’ve said all this time that you love me, and that you care about me. But when I put you to the test, all you’re after is my body!" Monica yelled. "You are JUST like all of the guys I’ve talked to these past weeks, only you’re not man enough to admit that it’s your lust that controls you!"

 

"Excuse me?" Chandler bawled.

 

"No I won’t excuse you!"

 

Monica stared at him, standing right in front of him with her hands on her hips.

 

‘This is insanity’ Chandler thought. ‘She’s standing here, yelling at me for something I can’t understand the reason for, and all I can think of his how lovely she looks.’

 

"If you had cared about me like you claim," Monica continued, "you would have let it end with just a kiss or two. You would have been willing to let it take time. But since you clearly had your sights set on getting into bed with me tonight, I think I can say that you don’t care like you pretend to!"

 

"I do care!" Chandler yelled.

 

"Yes, but about the wrong things!" Monica yelled back. Then she calmed her tone. "I saw you as someone who would never try and take advantage of me… Someone who was after something else than getting laid. But tonight you showed to me that you were not."

 

"So this wasn’t for real?" Chandler said, sounding completely calm although he was not. "None of this, the dancing, the kissing… none of it was for real?"

 

"You didn’t stand the test" Monica coldly said.

 

"Go to hell!" Chandler screamed, snapping. He could not believe what she was doing to him, couldn’t believe that she had faked the entire evening.

 

"Oh I think I’m already there" Monica replied.

 

Chandler wasn’t sure if she meant being there with him, or just in general, but he didn’t care to find out.

 

"My god, you’re just pure evil, aren’t ya’?" he said, not really meaning it.

 

"And you’re pure sex-addict" she calmly replied.

 

Chandler sniffed, and looked at her. There was no trace of the old Monica in her now.

 

"You’ll never know how much it sucks…" he said.

 

"How much WHAT sucks?" Monica hissed. "You know, there’s always been something that has kept me from seriously disliking you, I don’t know what it was, but I do know that it’s gone now."

 

"You wanna know what it is that sucks?" Chandler asked.

 

"Let me know" she said, although she obviously couldn’t care less.

 

"How hard it when someone you hate looks so much like someone you love" he said, then he left, slamming the door.

 

He stormed off to his room, furious with her, and with himself. How could she lead him on like that? And how could he have fallen for it? He should have known that such a sudden change of heart wasn’t realistic. But he had wanted so badly to believe she wanted him again.

 

He sighed and sat on the windowpane, looking out the window. It had started to rain, he saw. He flipped on the radio, the song that played went very well with his mood at the moment.

 

I keep searching.

 

Deep within my soul.

 

For all the answers.

 

Don’t want to hurt no more.

 

I need peace, gotta feel at ease.

 

Need to be.

 

Free from pain, going sane.

 

My heart aches, yeah.

 

Sometimes vocabulary runs through my head.

 

The alphabet runs right from A to Z.

 

Conversations, hesitations in my mind.

 

You’ve got my conscience asking questions that I can’t find.

 

I’m not crazy.

 

I’m sure I ain’t done nothing wrong.

 

And now I’m just waiting.

 

‘Cause I heard that this feeling won’t last that long.

 

Never ever have I ever felt so low.

 

When you gonna take me out of this black hole?

 

Never ever have I ever felt so sad.

 

The way I’m feeling, yeah you’ve got me feeling really bad.

 

Never ever have I had to find.

 

I’ve had to dig a way to find my own peace of mind.

 

I’ve never ever had my conscience to fight.

 

The way I’m feeling, yeah it just don’t feel right.

 

Chandler stared out the window. No, it sure didn’t feel right, All Saints had a point there.

 

Phoebe came up the stairs and heard dimmed sounds from Monica’s room. She wondered if everything was okay, it sounded almost like crying.

 

"Monica?" she asked, opening the door carefully.

 

As she entered the room she saw Monica laying on her bed, crying. She was alone.

 

"Oh Monica…" Phoebe said, closing the door behind her.

 

"How come everyone sees it as their right to hate me?" Monica asked through the tears.

 

Phoebe got worried, she didn’t know what to make of this scene. She hadn’t seen Monica cry since the accident, it was as if she felt crying was for sissies. And now she found her on her bed, desperately crying.

 

She went up to the bed, and sat down next to Monica, carefully stroking her back.

 

"You want to tell me?" she asked. "You don’t have to if you don’t want to."

 

Monica turned and realized she was happy that Phoebe was there.

 

"How come everybody hates me?" she asked, not even bothering to try and stop crying.

 

"Oh honey that’s not true" Phoebe said.

 

"Yes it is" Monica said, sitting up as well and moving back against the head of the bed.

 

"No, how could you ever think that?"

 

"I know it’s true" Monica said, wiping her nose.

 

Phoebe put her left arm around Monica, and Monica leaned against Phoebe, continuing to cry.

 

"And for what reason?" she asked. "How come it’s fully justified to hate me, huh? Nobody feels bad about it, I’m the person you can just say whatever you feel like to, yell however much you want to at, and not loose a minute of sleep over it. Was it like that before too?"

 

"It’s not even like that now" Phoebe said.

 

"Don’t bother, I know what I know" Monica said.

 

"No, Mon" Phoebe said.

 

"But I just can’t!" Monica said through the tears. "I can’t be hated. I don’t have the strength. I can’t be hated for having changed, I can’t be hated for not remembering who I was and everything else. I can’t be hated for acting the way I do, because that’s who I feel that I am. Not even because I look so much like someone you all knew and loved, can I take being hated."

 

Phoebe let the monologue sink in, and wondered to herself if Monica was right. If they actually did hate her for all those things. But she wondered why Monica had broken down over this all of a sudden.

 

"Mon, why do you think that we hate you, that’s not true!" she said.

 

"Yes it is…" Monica whispered. "Chandler just assured me that it was."

 

Chandler. Phoebe felt like she could kill Chandler. She couldn’t believe he would upset her like this.

 

"Chandler is an ass" she said, and stroked Monica’s hair.

 

"An ass I’m supposed to love" Monica remarked. "How come none of you understand how hard it is to have to love someone that you can’t remember anything about? How come none of you understand that you just can’t love someone during those circumstances?"

 

"Don’t judge us too fast…" Phoebe whispered.

 

"You really are my friend, aren’t you?" Monica then said, looking up at Phoebe. "None of the others would have come in here to comfort me… You really used to be my best friend, huh?"

 

"Yes" Phoebe said. "And I can tell you that this is tearing us apart too… I want my best friend back!"

 

"I think you might have gotten her" Monica said, having ceased to cry. She smiled slightly. "Because I really feel like I’ve found mine."