THE ONE WITH JOEY'S WEDDING
Written by: Ethan
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
CENTRAL PERK (Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Brad and Jennifer are present)
Monica: What a day.
Ross: That was some wedding ceremony.
Chandler: I especially liked the part where Phoebe reached down into her bra to get the wedding rings. Wait a minute, she wasn't wearing a bra.
Rachel: How could you not know where you put the rings Phoebe? Did you not look at yourself in the mirror when you got out of the shower this morning?
Phoebe: I don't look at myself in the mirror when I'm naked, I don't like how my body looks.
Monica: If only Chandler felt the same way, he's constantly checking himself out in front of the mirror when he's naked.
Chandler: Is anything sacred?
Jennifer: Apparently not.
Brad: Joey and Jenna's honeymoon got booked.
Chandler: Thanks to your help.
Ross: I can't believe he didn't plan his own honeymoon.
Rachel: That’s because Joey just thought that they'd spend a week in their apartment having sex.
Jennifer: That's not a bad thought. Why spend a couple thousand dollars to go someplace exotic if you never really plan on leaving the room in the first place?
Ross: Ready to go Rach?
Rachel: Yeah, we'd better go pick up the kids before your Mom gives them so much sugar that they're bouncing off the walls for the week. See you guys later?
Jennifer: Not us. We're heading back to LA in the morning.
Brad: We are?
Jennifer: You mean we're not?
Brad: I wasn't aware that we were.
Jennifer: Then I guess you might see us later.
Phoebe: It's nice to see that you two are communicating in your marriage.
Chandler: At least they're married Phoebe.
Phoebe: Shut up "Mister I have to look at myself naked in the mirror with a microscope in order to located my incredibly small penis".
Monica: Knock it off you two.
Phoebe: Yes Mom.
OPENING CREDITS
CROWNE PLAZA HOTEL (Everyone is present. The reception hall. The reception is over and Joey and Jenna are getting ready to leave for their honeymoon.)
Rachel: So where are you two going for your honeymoon?
Jenna: I don't know, Joey won't tell me.
Monica: Are you sure he actually planned it?
Joey: Hey, I planned the honeymoon, I just want to surprise Jenna.
Jennifer: How sweet.
Brad: Are you going to a tropical paradise?
Joey: Huh?
Brad: Are you going to a tropical island?
Joey: If I told you Jenna might figure out where we're going.
Ross: There are thousands of tropical islands Joe, one little hint isn't going to give it away.
Chandler: Yeah Joe, just give her a hint.
Joey: But I don't want to.
Jenna: Come on honey, just a little hint.
Joey: It's by the ocean.
Jenna: Let's not give it away.
(Joey pulls Chandler aside)
Joey: Where am I going?
Chandler: To Topeka, Kansas to milk diary cows for a week.
Joey: What!
Chandler: You're going to Bermuda. Your flight out of a La Guardia leaves at 8:35. I've already given your driver the written itinerary. You're staying at the Elbow Resort in a Royal Suite. You come back next Sunday. Remember to pick up the written itinerary before you leave the limo.
Joey: Thanks man.
Chandler: And it's costing you $8,000.
Joey: Huh?
Chandler: That's what happens when you plan a vacation at the last moment.
Joey: Are you serious?
Chandler: Deadly. I had to run to your place to get another credit card.
Jenna: Ready to go honey?
Joey: Ah, yeah. See you all when we get back.
Rachel: Bye guys, be safe.
Ross: Watch out for the Triangle Joey.
Phoebe: Bye guys, see you when you get back.
Joey: That was a great toast Phoebe. You almost made up for putting our wedding rings on your nipple chain.
Jenna: You're forgiven Pheebs.
(Joey and Jenna leave)
Brad (to Chandler): What'd you say to him?
Chandler: I just told him his itinerary.
Ross: Then why'd he look like a bus hit him?
Chandler: Because I told him his honeymoon was gonna cost him $8,000.
CROWNE PLAZA HOTEL (The lobby. Chandler is talking on cell phone)
Chandler: There's nothing available anywhere on the island? (pause) Not even a Motel 6? There's no Motel 6 in Nassau? (pause) I don't need a reservation for next week. I need one for tonight. (pause) No, they're already married. She's expecting to arrive in Bermuda tonight. (pause) Fine, fine, thanks for a whole lot of nothing. (closes his cell phone) Damn it!
(Ross and Brad approach Chandler)
Ross: What the hell are you doing? You're missing the reception.
Chandler: I'm trying to book a honeymoon.
Ross: You got married like nearly four years ago, isn't it kind of late to be booking a honeymoon?
Chandler: Ha, ha. Joey forgot to book his honeymoon.
Brad (laughing): You're kidding right?
Chandler: I haven't been using up my monthly-allotted minutes for fun!
Brad: Where were they supposed to go?
Chandler: Bermuda.
Ross: As in the Bermuda Triangle?
Chandler: Do you know of any other Bermuda Ross?
Ross: I need to stop drinking.
Brad: How far have you gotten?
Chandler: They're booked on US Airways Flight 1008 out of La Guardia at 8:35 tonight, returning next Sunday when their flight gets in at 12:15. The problem is, I can't find a single hotel available in Nassau that has a room available for a week's stay until next week.
Ross: How is that even possible?
Chandler: If I knew Ross they'd have a f^cking hotel room booked by now!
Ross: Someone's a little frustrated.
Brad: Can I borrow your phone?
Chandler (hands Brad his phone): Sure.
Brad: Amy? (pause) It's Brad. (pause) Good. You? (pause) Excellent. Look, I'm in the middle of a crisis. I need a Royal Suite at the Elbow Resort in Bermuda starting tonight to until next Sunday morning. No, it's not for me and Jen, it's for some friends but you're to book the room under mine and Jen's name with our credit card and you're to notify hotel management that a Joey and Jenna Tribbiani will be checking into our suite tonight. (pause) Make sure all charges during their stay are charged to my credit card. Call me back at this number. (to Chandler) What's your number?
Chandler: 212-555-9080.
Brad (on the phone): 212-555-9080. (pause) Thanks. (to Chandler) Here you go.
Chandler: Who's Amy?
Brad: My personal assistant in LA.
Chandler: And how is she going to be able to get you a room when I can't find one?
Brad: Because you're not Jennifer or me.
Chandler: Huh?
Brad: The unfortunate thing is this Chandler, hotel resorts like the Elbow Resort in Bermuda would kill to get celebrities to stay at their resort. They'll make a room available for a celebrity. It's not fair but that's the way it is.
Chandler: Then Joey should've asked you to arrange his travel. I've been out here banging my head against the pavement for over an hour.
Ross: You've totally been missing drinking out of the beer tap.
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Ross: I'm pretty buzzed actually. Though I was sorry to hear about Monica. If there's anything you need, just let me know.
Chandler: Thanks.
Brad: Are you doing ok?
Chandler: Yeah, I just feel really bad for her. I mean this is the second time that this has happened to her. I guess the good thing, if that's even possible, is that it happened early this time.
Brad: Yeah.
(Chandler's cell phone rings)
Chandler: Hello? (pause - to Brad) It's for you.
Brad (taking the phone): Hello? (pause) Great. (to Ross and Chandler) Get a fax number for here so she can send the itinerary to us.
(Ross runs to the reception desk)
Chandler: You booked Joey a Royal Suite? That's gonna be like $800 a night.
Brad: What will he care? He's not paying for it.
Chandler: You're sticking me with the bill?
Brad: I'm sticking myself with the bill.
Chandler: Wow. It's too bad Monica and I didn’t know you when we got married.
(Ross returns)
Ross: 212-555-4311.
Brad: Fax the itinerary to 212-555-4311. Thanks Amy. Ready to go join the party?
Chandler: Yeah, but let's not tell Joey until the reception is over. Make him sweat a little.
CROWNE PLAZA HOTEL (Everyone is present. The reception is in full swing)
Rachel: Look at those two, they're made for each other.
Jennifer: Joey and Jenna?
Rachel: No, Ross and Brad. Check them out, they're over at the bar drinking beer straight from the tap.
Jennifer: You can't take those two anywhere.
(Phoebe joins them)
Phoebe: Hey!
Jennifer: Well if it isn't the Queen of the Nipple Chain.
Phoebe: Do you really think people noticed?
Rachel: No, I think most people completely ignored Joey's loud declaration of where you had put their wedding rings.
Phoebe: I have to go give my toast. I'll be back.
Rachel: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah?
Rachel: Stay clear of the fact that Joey slept with the Maid of Honor.
Phoebe: But that's one of my best jokes in my whole speech.
Rachel: Haven't you caused enough stress today?
Phoebe: Me? Cause stress?
(Phoebe walks away)
Jennifer: She's just so funny.
Rachel: She definitely keeps things interesting.
(Monica joins them)
Monica: The food here rocks. The shrimp and the stuffed mushrooms, absolutely perfect.
Rachel: Mon honey, why are you drinking wine?
Monica: Because I'm thirsty.
Rachel: Pregnant women aren't supposed to drink alcohol, it's bad for the baby.
Monica: I know that.
Jennifer: Then why are you drinking wine?
Monica: Because I'm not pregnant anymore.
Rachel: Oh my God, what happened?
Monica: I started spotting late last night and early this morning I got my period. I lost the baby.
Jennifer: Are you ok? Is there anything we can do?
Monica: I'm an emotional wreck but I'll be ok. At least it happened really early this time. Chandler and I will just work it through. He's been real supportive and understanding. Thanks for offering though.
Rachel (hugging Monica): Well if you need anything, just ask.
Monica: I know.
(Ross and Brad join them)
Ross: This open bar thing rules. We were just drinking beer straight from the tap.
Brad: Do you guys want anything to drink? (no one answers) Did we interrupt something?
Monica: Not really. I was just telling Rachel and Jennifer that I'm not pregnant anymore.
Ross: It, it happened again?
Monica: Yeah, early this morning.
Brad: I'm so sorry Monica. Is there anything Jennifer and I can do?
Monica: Nope.
Ross: Did you tell Mom and Dad?
Monica: No, I haven't had the time.
Ross: Do you need me to tell them?
Monica: No, I think it's best if Chandler and I tell them.
Ross: Ok.
Monica: Where is Chandler?
Brad: The last I saw of him he was in the hotel lobby on his cell phone.
Monica: Huh?
Ross: Maybe he's checking up on Michael.
Brad: Do you need me to go get him?
Monica: That'd be great.
Phoebe: If I could have everyone's attention please, I'd like to make a toast to Joey and Jenna.
Monica (to Brad): Might as well wait until after Phoebe finishes. You probably don't want to miss this.
Brad: Do you really think she can top the incident from earlier today?
Monica: I'd bet my life on it.
Phoebe: Hi, I'm Phoebe Buffay and I'm Joey's best man. I'd say best woman, but Jenna now holds that title. I've known Joey for a long time. He's one of my closest and dearest friends. I've known Joey through some of his brightest of times and darkest of times. But even in his dark times, those times where he felt low because a role went to some other actor, or his roommate had stolen his girlfriend, even in those times Joey could always be counted on for a warm smile and a shoulder to cry on. If I felt bad about myself, Joey would always be there to pick me up. If I ever felt like an idiot, Joey would be there to remind me that no one is a bigger idiot than he.
Joey: This is true, I am an idiot.
Phoebe: The one thing that always seemed to elude Joey though was true love. That all changed when he met Jenna. I was working as a temp secretary for my friend Chandler down at Toys R Us. Chandler introduced me to this gorgeous blonde named Jenna who was the head of accounting for the East Coast. But Jenna wasn't like most gorgeous blondes, you know the ones who are just pretty but don't have a lot going on upstairs, Jenna, no, she was different. She was the sweetest person but a no nonsense businesswoman all at the same time. After talking with her for ten minutes, I thought to myself that she'd be perfect for Joey. Lo and behold, Joey asked Jenna out and something that started out innocently quickly snowballed into something serious. All of Joey's friends loved Jenna. We welcomed her to our tight knit group with open arms. Joey and Jenna moved into together and then one day, a stork visited them. Joey and Jenna would be expecting a baby. Joey then figured out how crazy he really was, is, about Jenna and asked her to marry him. Now most people get married before they have a baby, but then Joey's never been one to do things in the right order. He gets confused easily. Anyway, the baby was born and Joey and Jenna needed to name the baby. In true Joey fashion, he insisted that the baby have a hot woman name. After nearly 13 hours of name searching, Joey and Jenna named the baby Jenna. I asked Joey in private later why they named the baby Jenna and Joey merely said that Jenna is the hottest woman that he knows, so the baby had to be named Jenna. Which brings us to today. Today Joey and Jenna, along with Jenna Jr., embark on a journey as a family. Joey and Jenna know that this journey will not be easy but they will not be alone. They will have the support and encouragement of everyone that is here today. So I lift my glass to Joey and Jenna. May they have a life full of love and happiness together. To Joey and Jenna.
Audience: To Joey and Jenna.
Jennifer: I really think she redeemed herself from earlier.
Ross: She's always unpredictable that's for sure.
Brad: Ross and I will go find Chandler.
(cut to Joey, Jenna and Phoebe)
Jenna: That was so sweet Phoebe.
Phoebe: Thanks. I had to cut the best part though.
Joey: Which part was that?
Phoebe: The part where you slept with Jenna's Maid of Honor.
Joey: It's a good thing you left that out, a good thing.
CROWNE PLAZA HOTEL (Everyone is present. The ceremony is about to start)
Ross (to Chandler): Ten bucks something goes wrong.
Chandler: You're on.
Monica: You're at a wedding, not a racetrack.
(the music starts playing. Jenna's mother is seated first. Then Joey walks his parents down the aisle. As he passes the group, he waves at them. They wave back. Joey then joins the minister at the front of hall. Phoebe and Shannon then walk down the aisle holding arms)
Brad (to Ross): Are you sure this isn't a lesbian wedding?
Jennifer: Cut it out!
(the bridal chorus starts and those in attendance stand. Jenna passes by)
Jennifer: She looks so cute.
Rachel: I love that dress.
Monica: She really does look stunning.
Ross: Cut it out! (Rachel, Monica, and Jennifer stare at him) What? You can yell at us but we can't yell at you?
Minister: Hello and welcome to today's wedding of Joseph Francis Tribbiani and Jenna Lynn Eddy.
Ross (to Chandler) Wasn't there a porn star named Jenna Lynn?
Chandler: I'm not sure.
Brad: It was Ginger Lynn. You're thinking of Ginger Lynn.
Rachel: Cut it out. I'm trying to hear the minister.
Minister: I've known the Eddy family for some time and while I've only known Joseph for about a week, I can tell that he and Jenna are very much in love. At this time we're going to have a short reading read by Jenna's older sister and Maid of Honor, Shannon Eddy.
Shannon: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. Faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.
Minister: Thank you Shannon. (pause) Now on to my favorite part of the ceremony.
Joey (whispering to Jenna): I have to pee.
Jenna: You're gonna have to hold it. (Joey grabs himself) Not that way.
Chandler: Is this the part where he starts his monologue?
Monica: I'm not gonna tell you again Chandler.
Chandler: You never told me anything in the first place. (Monica gives Chandler a dirty look) Now you have.
Minister: If the bridal party would please stand. (pause) We are gathered here today to join Joseph Francis Tribbiani and Jenna Lynn Eddy in matrimony. They come before us willingly and lovingly. If there is anyone here who has a reason why these two shouldn't wed speak now or forever hold your peace. (pause) Joseph and Jenna will now exchange their vows. Joseph if you will take Jenna's hand please. (Joey does so) Joseph, repeat after me.
Joey: Joseph, repeat after me.
Minister: Not yet.
Joey: Sorry, a little nervous.
Minister: Joseph please repeat after me. I, Joseph, take thee Jenna to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Joey: Ah, could you repeat that again? I've got a really crappy memory.
Phoebe (under her breath but loud enough for Joey to hear): Because of all the pot that you've smoked.
Joey (whispering): Shut up Phoebe!
Jenna: Not now Joey.
Minister: Let's take this one part at a time. Are you ready?
Joey: Yes.
Minister: I, Joseph, take thee Jenna….
Joey: I, Joseph, take thee Jenna….
Minister: to be my lawfully wedded wife….
Joey: to be my lawfully wedded wife….
Minister: to have and to hold….
Joey: to have and to hold….
Minister: in sickness and in health….
Joey: in sickness and in health….
Minister: till death parts us.
Joey: till death parts us.
Minister: Thank you Joseph.
Joey: You're welcome.
Minister: Jenna, please repeat after me. I, Jenna, take thee Joseph to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Jenna: I, Jenna, take thee Joseph to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Joey (whispering): Look at that, you got that right on the first shot. You've obviously never smoked pot.
Jenna (whispering): Not now Joey.
Joey: You'd better not be saying not now tonight.
Jenna (whispering): Shush!
Minister: You have heard today Joseph and Jenna's wedding vows. Now they will exchange the rings that will symbolize their union. May I have the rings please?
Phoebe (whispering): Yeah, about that, I can't find them.
Joey: What do you mean you can't find them!
Jenna: Joey, lower your voice.
Joey: She lost the rings. She lost our wedding rings Jenna. Don't tell me to lower my voice. Man, I knew I should have had Chandler as my best man.
Jenna's Dad: See, this is what happens when you leave a woman in charge of something important.
Jenna's Mom: Then it looks like your doing the cooking and the laundry from now on.
Jennifer (to Rachel): Do any of you ever have a normal wedding?
Monica: Mine was normal.
Rachel: Chandler arrived at the Church thirty seconds before the ceremony was to start.
Monica: It was almost normal.
Ross (to Chandler): You owe me 10 bucks.
Chandler: Ten bucks she finds them in the next five minutes.
Rachel: Would you two stop betting!
Ross: You're on.
Phoebe: I'm sorry Joey. I put them in a safe place last night, now I just can't remember where I put them.
Joey: Some safe place, they're so safe you don't even know where they are.
Minister: So there are no rings?
Jenna: Doesn't appear so.
Minister: Well we can move on to the next part. By the powers vested in me by the State of New York, I hereby pronounce you….
Phoebe: I found them!
Ross (a little loud): Damn it!
Rachel: Ross!
Joey: Well hurry up and give the rings to the minister.
Phoebe (putting her hands down her dress): I just have to get them off the ring.
Joey: You, you put our rings on your nipple ring! Are you crazy!
Jenna: Joey, lower your voice.
Joey's Mom: Did he say nipple ring?
Joey's Dad: You know kids these days. They're always trying to express their individuality.
Minister: Do you need to go to a more private place to do that?
Phoebe: Nah, I've almost got them free.
Brad: Am I seeing things or does Phoebe have her hands down the front of her dress?
Jennifer: You're not seeing things.
Brad: Thank you.
Phoebe: Here you go, two wedding rings. It's a good thing I didn't wear a bra today, it would've been a real bitch to get those suckers off.
Minister: Thanks for sharing.
Phoebe: You're welcome.
Minister: The wedding rings symbolize the union of these two people. Joseph, if you would please place this ring on Jenna's finger and repeat after me. Jenna, please take this ring as a symbol of my undying love.
Joey: Jenna, please take this ring as a symbol of my undying love.
Minister: Jenna, if you would please place this ring on Joseph's finger and repeat after me. Joseph, please take this ring as a symbol of my undying love.
Jenna: Joseph, please take this ring as a symbol of my undying love.
Minister: Joseph and Jenna have expressed their love and commitment for one another. So by the power vested in me by the State of New York, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. (Joey does so as the audience claps) Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Joseph and Jenna Tribbiani.
MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Monica, Chandler and Michael are present. It's four in the morning. Chandler is in bed but has just awoken. Monica is in the master bath with the door shut)
Monica (between sobs): Why does this keep happening to me?
(Chandler enters the master bath)
Chandler (knocking on the door): Monica? Are you ok Monica?
Monica: I, I'm ok.
Chandler: Open the door please.
Monica: Just, just go back to bed.
Chandler: Not with you crying. Open the door and tell me what's wrong. (Monica opens the door. She's holding a box of tampons) No…
Monica: Yes, it's over.
Chandler: I'm so sorry honey.
Monica: I know that too.
Chandler: When did it start?
Monica: I started, I started spotting at work yesterday. I, I had read that some women spot early on in pregnancy so I didn't really worry about it. But I woke up cramping two hours ago. The, the, the embryo passed about 30 minutes ago. (Monica starts crying again) I don't understand why this keeps happening to me.
Chandler: I don't either honey. I don't either. Can I get you anything?
Monica: No.
Chandler: Are you sure?
Monica: Yeah. (pause) Could you just hold me for a while?
Chandler (sitting down to hold Monica): And here I was going to ask you to hold me.
CENTRAL PERK (Ross, Rachel, Brad and Jennifer are present)
Rachel: I really think we're gonna see a normal wedding tomorrow.
Ross: It couldn't be wilder than any of mine.
Brad: Ross buddy no one has bizarre weddings like you.
Jennifer: I'm sure his first wedding was normal.
Ross: Sure it was. It was just the marriage itself that turned out unconventional.
(Phoebe enters)
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: What are you up to Phoebe?
Phoebe: About 5'7".
Ross: Haven't I heard that joke before? Yes it was in the third grade.
Phoebe: Funny, Rachel was telling me that she just told it to you in bed the other day. Something about your erection finally cracking the 3-inch mark.
Rachel: Don't look at me, she's the one who just put you down.
Phoebe: I just came from Joey's. He gave me their wedding rings for tomorrow's ceremony.
Rachel: Why'd he give them to you?
Phoebe: It's the best man's responsibility to present the rings at the ceremony.
Jennifer: So why didn't he just give you the rings right before ceremony?
Phoebe: Because he's afraid he's gonna lose them.
Ross: Ha and giving them to you is going to prevent that? I don't think so.
Phoebe: Shut up Gel Boy. What happen to your Grandma's ring when Joey was responsible for it?
Ross: Never mind. (pause) I wonder how Emily is doing these days?
Rachel: If you continue to wonder you're gonna be also wondering why am I getting divorced for the fourth time.
Jennifer: Where are you going to put the rings Phoebe?
Phoebe: In a secret place that only I know where they are.
Brad: Which is where?
Phoebe: Now if I told you would it still be a secret?
JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Joey, Jenna and Phoebe are present)
Jenna: If you have any problems Joey, call me at the hotel.
Joey: Why can't you just stay here tonight?
Jenna: It's bad luck.
Joey: So?
Jenna: I don't want anymore surprises. I've already had enough surprises this week. (kissing Joey) Love you.
Joey: See you at the ceremony.
Phoebe: Bye Jenna.
Jenna: Take good care of him.
Phoebe: I will. I'll make sure he makes it to the hotel tomorrow.
Jenna: Bye.
(Jenna leaves)
Phoebe: You do realize that if you try to bolt from now until the ceremony I will have you executed when I find you.
Joey: You don't scare me. (Phoebe glares at Joey) Stop, I have to sleep alone tonight and I don't want any nightmares. (pause) I want to give you something that's really important.
Phoebe: Your ATM card?
Joey: You have more money than all of us combined, why would you need my ATM card?
Phoebe: I'm always looking to get my hand on some more.
Joey: Here. Here are our wedding rings. I want you to hold them until the ceremony tomorrow. If I keep them any longer, they're likely to get lost.
Phoebe: I will accept this assignment. I will not let you down.
Joey: Did you write your toast for the reception yet?
Phoebe: I was gonna do that tonight.
Joey: Whatever you do, do not mention the fact that I slept with Jenna's sister.
Phoebe: Then what's the point of giving you and Jenna a toast?
Joey: I'm serious Phoebe.
Phoebe: I won't. Give me a hug, I'm gonna go work on that toast.
Joey: If you want to come over later, we could just hang out.
Phoebe: Ok. See you later. (As Phoebe leaves, Chandler enters) Hey Gay boy.
Chandler: Ms. Humps A Lot. Hey Joe.
Joey: Hey. Wanna get some pizza?
Chandler: Yeah, I can do that. Monica's Mom just picked up Michael and Monica's working, so I can hang out for a while.
Joey: Then the Joey special it is. (dials the phone) Hey, it's Joey. (pause) Great, I'll see you in thirty minutes.
Chandler: You're the only person I know who can order pizza without telling the person on the other end what you want.
Joey: Yeah, about the pizza, do you have any money on you?
Chandler: It's like we're living together all over again.
Joey: Thanks man.
Chandler: So what time do you and Jenna leave for your honeymoon tomorrow? (Joey doesn't answer instead he stares at the front door) Joey?
Joey: Funny thing actually, I forgot to plan our honeymoon.
Chandler: Please be kidding.
Joey: No joke, I actually forgot to plan our honeymoon. What am I gonna do? The reception's gonna be over and Jenna's gonna know where we're going to celebrate our marriage and I'm merely gonna say, do you want to get a room at the local Motel 6?
Chandler: Calm down. Where do you want to go?
Joey: In life?
Chandler: Your honeymoon you stupid little man.
Joey: I had planned to go to Bermuda.
Chandler: Way to follow through on your plan.
Joey: Thanks for jogging my memory. I would've been really screwed tomorrow.
Chandler: Your honeymoon still isn't planned Joe.
Joey: I can't handle this. I'm scatterbrained right now as it is, I don't need another thing to worry about.
Chandler: Ok, you're always scatterbrained.
Joey: Would you help me?
Chandler: With what? Planning your honeymoon? You want me to plan your honeymoon for you.
Joey: Please?
Chandler: It's Phoebe's job as your best man to solve wedding night problems, not mine.
Joey: But if I let Phoebe plan my honeymoon I'm likely to wind up in Topeka, Kansas milking diary cows for a week.
Chandler: At least you'd get plenty of nipple.
Joey: I need your help.
Chandler: Fine, fine, I'll plan your honeymoon. But be forewarned, last minute flights are expensive and so are hotel rooms. Don't bitch to me when you get the bill.
Joey: Ok.
Chandler: I need a credit card.
Joey: Use your own credit card!
Chandler: It's your friggin' trip Joey.
Joey: Oh, right.
Chandler: Bermuda?
Joey: Huh?
Chandler: Do you want to go to Bermuda?
Joey: What about Fiji?
Chandler: Fiji is a fourteen-hour flight, Bermuda is a three and a half hour flight.
Joey: Bermuda it is.
MICHAEL'S PLACE (Monica is working in the kitchen with her kitchen staff)
Gretchen: Are you ok?
Monica: Huh?
Gretchen: You keep grimacing.
Monica: I'm fine. I'm just a little uncomfortable.
Gretchen: Do you need to go home?
Monica: I don't think so. It's just a pregnancy thing, it'll pass.
Gretchen: Have you been to your OB yet?
Monica: Once. Everything was fine.
Gretchen: Well if you need to go home, just let me know and I'll close up shop tonight.
Monica: Thanks, maybe I will. Who knows, maybe I'll catch Chandler doing something that he's not supposed to be doing.
Gretchen: Sleeping with another woman?
Monica: More like sleeping with himself.
JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Joey, Jenna and Jenna Jr. are present. It's early morning. Joey and Jenna have just woken up)
Jenna: Do you realize that tomorrow is our wedding day?
Joey: A day that I've been dreading for the past three weeks.
Jenna: What!
Joey: I'm totally kidding. But you got to admit, it'll be great when this is all over.
Jenna: Why do you say that?
Joey: You actually like your mother calling you four times a day with a new idea for the wedding?
Jenna: I see your point.
Joey: You know, I never saw myself getting married. I always thought I'd be the last of my friends to get married.
Jenna: You've been married twice before Joey.
Joey: A real marriage. I never thought that I be getting married for real. Getting married to someone that I'm totally in love with. You gotta admit, when you first met me I was just this shallow dude who was looking for a good time. But now, thanks to you, I'm a changed man. I'm actually in a loving relationship. Something that I never thought I'd be capable of doing or saying.
Jenna: You were pretty shallow. Very charming, but very shallow. To be honest, I never thought we'd last.
Joey: Huh?
Jenna: Come on Joe, you were a womanizing actor and I was a business executive. It's not a match made in heaven.
Joey: We made it this far.
Jenna: Yeah, we sure did.
Joey: What changed your mind about me?
Jenna: I got to know the real you.
Joey: Yeah for me it was how smart and sweet you were.
Jenna: Really?
Joey: No, it was how great you were in bed.
(Jenna smacks Joey with her pillow)
Jenna: I hope that hurt.
Joey: Yeah, my nose is bleeding.
Jenna: I can't wait to be your wife.
Joey: I'm having second thoughts. (Jenna smacks Joey with her pillow again) Did I not say my nose is bleeding? Can you not take a joke? (pause) I can't wait to be your husband.
Jenna: Was that so hard?
Joey: It was excruciating.
Jenna: Joey!
CLOSING CREDITS
CENTRAL PERK (Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe are present)
Phoebe: This is really weird.
Rachel: What's that Pheebs?
Phoebe: This, I can't remember the last time just the six of us were together. No kids, no fiancées, just the six of us.
Ross: It has been a long time hasn't it?
Monica: Things sure have changed since Rachel moved to the City. Chandler and I got married, Ross and Rachel got married, twice I might add, and now the playboy of the group is getting married.
Joey: Playboy? I'm not a playboy.
Chandler: Do you even know what a playboy is?
Joey: Ah no.
Phoebe: And I suppose you'd say that I'm still as eccentric as ever.
Rachel: Pretty much.
Phoebe: You know what I think you guys should do? I think you should get divorced, put your kids up for adoption and then we could go back to the way things were. It'd be totally cool, Ross could go back to work at the museum, Chandler could return to whatever company it was that he worked for, Monica could go back to her first restaurant, I'd be a masseuse again and we could all meet here for coffee. Coffee that Rachel would serve since she'd be a waitress here again. I think we should totally do it.
Rachel: Have you started smoking pot again?
Phoebe: Maybe.