THE ONE WITH RACHEL'S LITTLE SURPRISE

Written by: Ethan

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

CENTRAL PERK (Ross, Chandler and Joey are present)

Chandler: Ok, I'm changing the subject. It's time to make fun of old people. You must rework a song title of a musical artist so that the new title makes fun of old people.

Joey: Give me an example of what the hell you're talking about.

Chandler: Easy. The Rolling Stones: You Can't Always Pee When You Want.

Joey: So I could use that woman who sang The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face and change the title to The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Chandler: You're catching on.

Ross: I got one. Paul Simon: Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver.

Chandler: Not bad. Johnny Nash: I Can't See Clearly Now.

Joey: The Who: Talking 'Bout My Medication.

Ross: Procol Harem: A Whiter Shade of Hair.

(An old man walks up behind them)

Chandler: Instead of Wild Thing it'd be Bald Thing.

Old Man: If you idiots are gonna sit around on a Saturday and make fun of old people at least do it right. You have to go to the Beatles: I Get By With A Little Help From My Depends. Now if you'll excuse me, my 21 year-old girlfriend is waiting for me outside in my Porsche. Good day you idiots.

OPENING CREDITS

MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Chandler and Monica are lying on their bed)

Monica: I don't want to go to work. I wanna stay here with you.

Chandler: Then don't go. We could act like we did when we first got married. You know, when all we did was have sex. We had sex in the kitchen, sex on the couch, sex on the table, sex in the shower, we even had sex standing up straight.

Monica: Who in the hell did you marry? We never did all that.

Chandler: Must've been my first wife.

Monica: Your first wife must've been quite the lay.

Chandler: Yeah but she was really a nag.

Monica (hitting Chandler): Take that back.

Chandler: You know I love you.

Monica: I have to go to work. I own the place.

Chandler: See that's why I never went into business for myself. I would've had to work all the time and that is so not my MO.

Monica: Anything that has to do with work isn't your MO. (pause) I'd better start getting ready.

Chandler: Do you need help undressing?

Monica: You betcha.

Chandler (looking at the bedroom clock): You don't have to be at work for another hour.

Monica: It's gonna take that long to change my clothes.

Chandler (kissing Monica): Me like this. Michael should go to Grandma's more often.

Monica: I thought you would.

Chandler (while unbuttoning Monica's blouse): This is perfect timing. It's Valentine's Day, Michael's not here, we have the place to ourselves, Joey isn't in the next room trying to hear what's going on, it's the perfect moment to start trying for our second kid.

Monica (pushing Chandler back): What?

Chandler: I thought we'd start trying for another baby. You're not getting any younger.

Monica: What?

Chandler (trying to backpedal): Not that you're old or anything, it's just that, it's just that….have I told you how beautiful you are today? (Monica starts putting her blouse back on) Ok, you're getting dressed instead of naked.

Monica: Yeah, ah, suddenly I'm not in the mood for sex.

Chandler: How about making love?

Monica: Yeah that's out the window too.

Chandler: Was it the getting old part?

Monica: No, I think it was the "let's make a baby right now without even discussing it first" part.

Chandler: Oh. I thought that you'd be thrilled that I was ready to have another child.

Monica: Don't you care how I feel?

Chandler: Of course I do. I just assumed that you wanted to have another kid. I mean, you're such a great Mom already. Another kid would just make you that much better of a Mom. And lately you've been going around telling the others when you're ovulating, I just figured that you were ready.

Monica: I don't know how I feel about it.

Chandler: Are you mad at me?

Monica: No. I'm just a little surprised. I always assumed that I was going to have to force you to impregnate me again.

Chandler: No need for coercion here. So you still wanna get naked?

Monica: No.

Chandler: So what do you want to do?

Monica: I don't know. I need a drink.

Chandler: That works for me.

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Ross, Joey, Caitlin and Ben are present)

Ben: Uncle Joey, did you ever sleep with Mommy Rachel?

Ross: Ben!

Joey: No Ben. We've always been just friends. I did sleep with Aunt Phoebe though.

Ross: Joey! The boy is nine years old! He doesn't need to know about your sex life!

Ben: I was just wondering if Uncle Joey ever slept in the same bed as Mommy Rachel Dad. What did you think I meant? And what's a sex life?

Ross: Ah, ah nothing. Why don't you go play in your room?

Ben: Ok.

(Ben leaves)

Joey: Didn't he learn about the bird and the bees from Phoebe already?

Ross: What?

Joey: Nothing.

Ross: Phoebe told him about the birds and the bees?

Joey: I'm sure it was just about real birds and bees. Phoebe would never tell him about the adult version of the birds and the bees.

Ross: Yes she would!

Joey: Well if she had told him then he would've known about what having a sex life meant. He was clueless.

Ross: I guess you're right.

Joey: What are you and Rachel doing tonight?

Ross: I have no idea.

Joey: You haven't planned anything? It's Valentine's Day!

Ross: That's kind of what I meant when I said I have no idea. What are you and Jenna doing?

Joey: Not much. Just staying at home. Jenna's getting pretty big and she doesn't like to be on her feet if she doesn't have too, so we're just staying home. My record's gonna be broken too.

Ross: Record?

Joey: I've had sex with someone on Valentine's Day every year since 1980.

Ross: You were 12 in 1980.

Joey: Pretty impressive eh?

Ross: A different woman every year?

Joey: That's what makes it even more impressive.

Ross: You do realize that you'll never have a streak like that again.

Joey: Sure I will.

Ross: You're getting married. Unlike in your marriage to Phoebe, you won't be able to sleep with other women. Jenna will expect you to be faithful to her. You're going to have the same partner for the rest of your life.

Joey: Huh, I never really thought of that. The same partner for the rest of my life. I'll be forced to have sex by myself if want to experience something different. I'll turn into Chandler. I'll forge a new relationship with my hand and own stock in whatever company that makes Vaseline. My God, Joey, as you know him, is dying.

Ross: You're not dying, you're growing up. By the way, nice dramatic speech, the judges gave you perfect 10s.

Joey: You think if I asked Jenna if I could sleep with other women when we're married that she'd say yes?

Ross: I can guarantee you one thing, you won't make it out of the apartment alive. This is a good thing for you Joey, you're settling down. You're moving into a new phase in your life. You're having a kid and getting married to the love of your life. You're gonna be a husband and a father. You're finally going to be like Chandler and me.

Joey: Are you trying to freak me out?

Ross: No.

Joey: Then stop talking!

PHOEBE'S APARTMENT (Rachel and Phoebe are present)

Phoebe: What are you and Ross doing tonight?

Rachel: Ross thinks we're not doing anything yet.

Phoebe: How could he let Valentine's Day come and not plan anything for you?

Rachel: He did send me roses at work.

Phoebe: Score!

Rachel: Hey, it was romantic. At least he remembered.

Phoebe: Are you going to tell me what you've planned tonight or am I going to have to tickle it out of you?

Rachel (backing away from Phoebe): I'm not ticklish.

Phoebe: Have it your way. (Phoebe starts to tickle Rachel)

Rachel (laughing): Don't!

Phoebe: What do you have planned?

Rachel (laughing): Stop! Stop it!

Phoebe: Out with it.

Rachel (gasping for breath): I arranged a limo for Ross and I. We're gonna drive around the City and drink champagne.

Phoebe: Can I come?

Rachel: We're gonna have sex in the back of the limo. What do you think?

Phoebe: I've always wanted to score with both of you.

MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Monica and Chandler are present)

Monica: I'd better go to work. If you want, stay up until I get home and we can talk some more.

Chandler: Ok, but we never really talked to begin with, you just stared at me for the last 60 minutes.

Monica (cracking a smile): You know what I meant.

Chandler: I love you, Happy Valentine's Day.

Monica: I love you too and Happy Valentine's Day.

(Monica leaves)

Chandler: Now I know how she feels when I wig out on her. The silence was deafening.

(Joey enters)

Chandler: Come on in, the door wasn't open.

Joey: You gotta help me! I'm gonna never going to have another partner again!

Chandler: You never joined the police force in the first place, but whatever.

Joey: Jenna, Jenna's the last person I'm ever going to sleep with.

Chandler: And you're just realizing this now? You've been engaged for months.

Joey: I'm having a kid. I'm having a kid, getting married and agreeing to never sleep with another woman besides Jenna for the rest of my life. If I want to have a different sexual experience I'm going to have to be like you and have sex with my hand. I've never had sex with my hand!

Chandler: You've never had sex with your hand? How is that even possible?

Joey: Would you focus on the bigger issue here?

Chandler: What are you panicking for? You're settling down. All those things you just said, all part of settling down.

Joey: Even the having sex with my hand?

Chandler: Becomes a viable option when the wife gets mad at you.

Joey: You must play with yourself a lot then.

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Ross, Rachel, Ben and Caitlin are present. Ross and Rachel are getting ready to go out. Ben is watching TV and Caitlin is in her playpen)

Ross: Would you at least tell me where we're going?

Rachel: We're going out.

Ross: Can you give me a little more to work with?

Rachel: On the town.

Ross: Thank you that helped a lot.

Rachel: Glad to help.

(The doorbell rings. Ben answers the door)

Ben: Hey Bethanne!

Bethanne: How's my secret boyfriend?

Ben: Shush, you're gonna give our secret away.

(Rachel emerges from the bedroom)

Rachel: What secret is that dude?

Ben: Nothing.

Rachel: Thanks for doing this for us. We won't be real late.

Bethanne: Not a problem, any special instructions?

Rachel: Not really. Just put Caitlin down at 7:45 and your secret boyfriend should be in bed by 8:30.

Ben: Mom!

Rachel: What?

Ben: She's not my girlfriend!

(Ross emerges from the bedroom)

Ross: Hey Bethanne. Ready to go Rach?

Rachel: Yeah. We have our cell if anything goes wrong.

Bethanne: We'll be fine. Have a great time. Oh and Mr. Geller, you've got a great wife in Mrs. Geller. She's planned a wonderful evening for you.

Ross: You told her what we're doing? You haven't even told me.

Rachel: Just go. (Ross leaves, Rachel lags behind. To Bethanne) Thanks, I'll give you the extra $20 when we get home.

MICHAEL'S PLACE (Monica is working in the kitchen. At least she's trying to work. Gretchen, the Assistant Head Chef is trying to get Monica's attention)

Gretchen: Monica? (no answer) Monica? (no answer) Monica!

Monica: Huh?

Gretchen: Are you ok? You've diced that onion so fine that you can't really even see it anymore.

Monica: I'm fine. I'm just a little tired.

Gretchen: You aren't pregnant are you?

Monica: No!

Gretchen: What did he do now?

Monica: Huh?

Gretchen: What did Chandler do now?

Monica: He didn't do anything. He just told me that he thinks I'm beautiful and that he loves me.

Gretchen: And the earth stopped rotating for you?

Monica: What?

Gretchen: You just seem out of sorts. If I were married, and that's a big stretch given my history with men, I'd be thrilled to hear my husband say that I'm beautiful and that he loves me.

Monica: I am thrilled. Chandler's the best. Could you hand me another onion? You're right, I've pretty much obliterated this one.

THE STREETS OF MANHATTAN (Ross and Rachel are driving around in a limo and drinking champagne)

Ross: This was a great idea.

Rachel: I'm a woman of great ideas.

Ross: This is true. Me, I'm Mr. Mom.

Rachel: A great Mr. Mom.

(The limo driver lowers the window between the front and the back)

Driver: Do you guys want to go anywhere specific?

Rachel: No, just drive around.

Driver: Very well. If you need anything, the phone acts as an intercom.

Rachel: Gotcha. Could you put up the privacy window please?

Driver: Are you two gonna get naughty back there?

Rachel: That's really none of your business.

Driver: Just remember safe sex is always the best sex.

Ross (annoyed): If that were totally true, you'd never have been born. No, in that case it would've been the safest sex is no sex at all. It's too bad your parents didn't stick to that mantra.

Driver: I'll just drive the limo.

Ross: That'd be great.

(The driver puts up the privacy window)

Rachel: Can you believe that nerve of that guy?

Ross: What limo service did you hire?

Rachel: The same limo service that Monica and Chandler used for their wedding.

Ross: Oh.

Rachel: What? What's wrong them?

Ross: For one thing, the limo driver never showed up at Monica and Chandler's apartment to pick us up. Then when Monica and Chandler went to the airport to leave for their honeymoon, the driver went to La Guardia instead of JFK. They nearly missed their flight.

Rachel: I have another surprise for you.

Ross: You got a big raise at work?

Rachel: No but my surprise will definitely give you a big raise.

Ross: I'm intrigued.

Rachel: Now I'm going to try to stand up. All I want you to do is run your hand up my legs until you reach my underwear. When you hit my panties, you're to stop.

Ross: You put my surprise in your underwear? Kinky.

Rachel: Isn't that where you keep my surprise?

Ross: When I wear underwear.

Rachel: Whatever Joey.

Ross (running his hand up Rachel's leg): Wow, this is really a special night. You even shaved your legs.

Rachel: Amongst other things.

Ross: I love you.

Rachel: I know you do. Why are you taking so long?

Ross: Is someone feeling a little anxious?

Rachel: It's just getting real humid in here. I'm starting to feel warm all over.

Ross (sliding his hand further up Rachel's leg towards her hips): Ah, you're not wearing any underwear.

Rachel (sitting back down): Surprise!

Ross: You're sitting on my hand.

Rachel: And you're complaining? I've always wanted to do this. I've always wanted to get busy in a limo.

Ross: We got busy on the way to the airport after our wedding.

Rachel: But I was so tired I really don't remember the experience.

Ross: You seemed to have a good time at that time.

Rachel: All I remember was faking it.

Ross: Faking it? You faked it with me?

Rachel: Sh^t.

Ross: You, you faked it with me?

Rachel: Yes, yes I did, but I more than made up for on our honeymoon. Now kiss me.

Ross (pushing Rachel away): I can't believe you faked it. You know if there were a way for me to fake it, I would just to get even with you. But no, you can always tell when a guy you know, does his thing.

Rachel: Come on honey, so I faked it. It's not like it hasn't happened since.

Ross: What!

JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Jenna is reading as Phoebe enters)

Phoebe: Hey.

Jenna: What's up?

Phoebe: Not much, just plotting ways to give John gonorrhea.

Jenna: Didn't John move to Ireland?

Phoebe: That's proving to be a hard obstacle to overcome. Where's your eldest child?

Jenna: I really don't know. He told me he was going to Ross and Rachel's earlier and then he'd be home but he hasn't shown up yet.

Phoebe: He probably went to Monica and Chandler's.

Jenna: Then I guess I'll see him later tonight.

Phoebe: Aren't you kind of bummed that he isn't here? I mean, it's Valentine's Day after all.

Jenna: It is?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Jenna: Oh. I guess I can't be bummed because I didn't even realize it's Valentine's Day.

Phoebe: The last stages of pregnancy are a bitch aren't they?

Jenna: I'm so tired of being pregnant. My feet are so swollen I can't wear Joey's shoes anymore.

Phoebe: You can wear Joey's shoes?

Jenna: Joey has extremely small feet. Thankfully, he dispels the myth of small feet equals small equipment. (pause) Then again, you already knew that.

Phoebe: And not a day goes by that I wish that I didn't. Is it ok with you if I just hang with you tonight? We could do the pathetic losers' Valentine's Day celebration.

Jenna: What's that?

Phoebe: Where we basically don't have anyone to celebrate it with.

Jenna: I'll go along with the pathetic part, but I'm not a loser. I have Joey.

Phoebe: Are you sure you don't want to re-think that stance?

MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Chandler and Joey are present)

Chandler (emerging from the bathroom): Why are you still here? I thought you were going home.

Joey: You've been in there for 45 minutes. What the hell did you eat?

Chandler: I'm still trying to figure that out. Why are you still here?

Joey: I can't go home.

Chandler: Because you've lost the inability to walk?

Joey: That would be cool.

Chandler: Go home.

Joey: Why are you so anxious for me to leave? You're by yourself until Monica gets home. (pause) Wait a minute, wait a minute, you and Monica must have had a disagreement again and you need time by yourself to relieve your sexual tension.

Chandler: Monica and I didn't have a disagreement you moron. She just wasn't sure if she wanted to have another kid right now or not.

Joey: You want, you want to have another kid?

Chandler: That's pretty much how she reacted. Why is it when I want to do something like have another baby people freak out but if someone else says the same thing it's a great idea?

Joey: Because you're Chandler. You've always been afraid of things like that.

Chandler: And you're not freaked out? Then why are you here instead of at home with Jenna?

Joey: I see your point. (pause) Monica really wasn't sure? I always figured Monica would have to beat you over the head with a two by four to get you to agree to have another child.

Chandler: Did you two talk in the hall when she left for work?

Joey: No, why?

Chandler: Because she said the same thing to me earlier. At least it was kind of like what you said.

Joey: What are you going to do?

Chandler: Nothing. There's really nothing I can do. I just have to respect her wishes.

Joey: You could force her to do it. You know, say that you'll leave her if she doesn't have another baby with you.

Chandler: Are you kidding me? I would never do that to Monica. I love her so much.

Joey: I know you would never do that, I was just testing your love for Monica.

Chandler: You should become a marriage counselor.

Joey: You think?

Chandler: Don't you have a pregnant fiancée at home waiting for you?

Joey: No.

Chandler: You're gonna have to go home.

Joey: But if I go home the new responsible Joey will kill the current Joey as we know and love him.

Chandler: Do you love Jenna?

Joey: Very much so.

Chandler: Do you want to sleep with anyone else?

Joey: Besides Yasmine Bleeth? No.

Chandler: Are you happy that you're having a baby with Jenna?

Joey: Totally happy.

Chandler: Then what's the problem?

Joey: I never looked at it that way. I'm totally happy with how things are going. Except being unemployed again, that definitely kind of sucks. I'm gonna go home. Thanks buddy.

Chandler: Say hi to Jenna.

(Joey goes to leave and then turns around)

Joey: Explain to me this, how do you actually have sex by yourself?

THE STREETS OF MANHATTAN (Ross and Rachel are driving around in a limo. Rachel is trying to talk Ross)

Rachel: Come on Ross, it's not a big deal. All women do it.

Ross: But they don't go around admitting it to their partners! Here I thought I was a good lover and it turns out you've been faking it with me!

Rachel: Look at me, look at me. You're the best lover that I've ever had. That's all that really matters to me.

Ross: How stupid am I? Here I thought my big surprise for the evening was that my wife wasn't wearing any panties underneath her dress but in actuality it was that my wife fakes climaxes to get the sex over with!

Rachel: It's only happened a handful of times Ross. I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I didn't want you to find out that you weren't making me reach the heavens. So yes, I faked it. I'm sorry. I swear you almost always get me off. That's something to be proud of, it takes a lot of work to bring a woman to orgasm and you do get me there 99% of the time.

Ross: Why would you even do it? Why?

Rachel: I already told you, I didn't want to hurt your feelings. It's just that some days, no matter what you do to me, I'm just incapable of the Big O. I know for a fact that Phoebe, Jennifer and your sister fake as well at times. I don't know Jenna very well, at least not well enough to know her sexual history, but I'd bet you a thousand dollars that she's faked it as well. It could be worse you could be married to Phoebe, she fakes most of the time.

Ross: Did you have to bring my sister into this conversation? You know how that wigs me out.

Rachel: I'm sorry. Can I make it up to you?

Ross: Let's start over. Stand up again.

Rachel (she stands up): Ok.

(The camera is position so you can't see Ross, all you see is Rachel's butt)

Ross: Here we go.

Rachel: Ah that's not your hand.

Ross: I know. I thought you'd like this better. The fact that you've shaved makes it even easier.

Rachel: Oh my God!

Ross: Do you want me to stop?

Rachel: God no!

JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Jenna and Phoebe are present)

Phoebe: Have you guys picked baby names yet?

Jenna: For a boy, only for a boy.

Phoebe: So if it's a boy, you're naming him Joseph.

Jenna: Of course.

Phoebe: But you can't come up with a girl's name because Joey must know some hot woman with that name to even consider it. But the real problem is that even if he finds a hot woman with the name, if he also finds an ugly woman with the same name then the name is eliminated.

Jenna: Exactly.

Phoebe: I guess you should just root for a boy.

(Joey enters. He's carrying roses)

Joey: Get out Phoebe.

Phoebe: Bite me.

Joey: Bend over and I will.

Jenna: Are those for me?

Joey: Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day.

Phoebe: Where're my roses?

Joey: I'm sorry Pheebs, I only had enough money for these.

Phoebe: See if I ever buy anything for you again. I'll see you guys later.

(Phoebe leaves)

Jenna: Where've you been?

Joey: I stopped by to see Chandler.

Jenna: Everything ok?

Joey: It is now. I just needed a reality check.

(Phoebe re-enters and hugs Joey)

Phoebe: Thanks Joey. I really appreciate it.

Joey: You'll always be one of my favorite valentines.

(Phoebe leaves)

Jenna: You're so sweet, you got her roses too.

Joey: No, no, I just swung by Chipoltes and picked her up some veggie tacos.

MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Chandler is watching TV as Monica enters)

Monica: Hey.

Chandler (getting up): What are you doing home already? It's only 10:30.

Monica: Gretchen said she'd wrap things up for me.

Chandler (kissing Monica): Well I'm glad your home.

Monica: She also told me to go home because I kept screwing up all the food.

Chandler: And you let her get away with that? You must be really screwed up in the head.

Monica: All I could think about all night was how I wanted to get home to make love to my husband. Whether we did it in the kitchen, on the couch, on the table, in the shower, or just standing up straight, I just wanted to do it.

Chandler: Did you smoke some funny grass when you were at work?

Monica: No. I just want to have another baby.

Chandler: Man, you're timing couldn't be worse. The whole baby fever thing left me after Joey came over here with his latest relationship crisis. Can you believe he's never had sex by himself?

Monica (taking off her shirt): You haven't had sex by yourself today have you?

Chandler: No, at least not yet.

Monica (taking off her pants): Are you gonna take your clothes off or am I going to have to do it for you?

Chandler: I was actually gonna grab another beer and watch Sportscenter on CNN.

Monica: That's ESPN.

Chandler: That's, that's what I meant.

Monica (taking off her bra): It's not nice to keep me waiting.

Chandler (struggling to take off his shirt): My God, I've so missed your breasts.

Monica: It's been two days.

Chandler: Give me a break, I'm a man.

(Monica swings around to the back of Chandler. She bends down to do something then stands straight up again)

Monica: Now reach your hands around.

Chandler: Holy Moses, no wonder why you couldn't concentrate at work!

THE STREETS OF MANHATTAN (Ross and Rachel are driving around in a limo. They are putting their clothes back on)

Rachel: Look at me, I'm still shaking.

Ross: Didn't think I had it in me did you?

Rachel: You've never done that stuff before. In all the time that we've been together, not once, not even once, have you been able to go that long.

Ross: Just goes to show you that a tongue isn't just something you use in kissing. There are other practical applications as well.

Rachel: You keep doing things like that to me and I guarantee you that I'll never fake it again. I won't be able to.

Ross: I love you.

Rachel: Happy Valentine's Day.

(The privacy window goes down)

Driver: You guys got about ten minutes left. Should I head back towards the Village?

Rachel: That'd be great.

Driver: Hey buddy, don't feel bad, my wife is constantly faking with me too. But from the way this car was rocking tonight, I think the missus there was on the up and up with you tonight. (Notices Ross and Rachel staring at him) Hey, it's a window, not soundproof glass.

(The driver puts the privacy window back up as Ross and Rachel sit in shock)

Rachel: I'm, I'm so embarrassed.

Ross: Is it still illegal to physically assault someone?

CLOSING CREDITS

MONICA & CHANDLER'S APARTMENT (Monica and Chandler are in bed)

Chandler: Since we might have just gotten you pregnant, I'd like to throw out some baby names.

Monica: You're really on this baby kick aren't you?

Chandler: If we have another boy, I'd like to name the baby Chandler.

Monica: That's a possibility. A remote one but still a possibility. What if we have a girl?

Chandler: I don't have any specific names yet but I do have a rule that we must follow. If we have a girl then she has to be named after a hot woman. But, if an ugly woman has the same name, then that name is eliminated.

Monica: Joey was here again wasn't he?

Chandler: Maybe.

Monica: That rule has Joey's signature all over it.

Chandler: Would you want to name our child after an ugly person?

Monica: We might name the baby Chandler, so I'd have to say yes.

Chandler: That was so low I'm now six feet under.

Monica: I still love you. Are you ready for round 6?