THE ONE WITH THE HOUSE WARMING
GIFT
Written by: Ethan
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Monica, Chandler and the children are present)
Chandler: What time's the house warming party?
Monica: It starts at four.
Chandler: And what time is the sitter coming?
Monica: 3:30.
Chandler: But we're taking the twins with us?
Monica: Yes.
(There's a knock on the door)
Chandler (going to answer the door): So we're hiring a sitter just to watch Michael?
Monica: Yes, now answer the door.
(Chandler opens the door and it's Monica's parents)
Jack: Surprise!
OPENING CREDITS
MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Continued from before)
Judy: Where're my grandchildren?
Monica: Mom, Dad, what a pleasant surprise.
Judy: Hello Chandler, hello Monica. Did you do something to your hair Monica?
Monica: I got it cut Ma.
Judy: I hope you didn’t pay a lot of money for it. Now which one's which?
Chandler: So where are you staying?
Jack: Right here with you. Our bags are in the hall.
Chandler: You're staying with us? You're staying with us. Well then we better go get those bags.
Judy: Have you been feeding these two? They're so small.
Monica: Well they were born prematurely Mom so they have a little catching up to do. I thought you would've called to let us know that you were coming to visit.
Judy: You know your Father, he wanted it to be a big surprise.
Michael: Grandma!
Judy: There's my little boy. My how you've grown.
Monica: Ah Chandler, could I see you for a minute?
Chandler: Sure.
(Chandler and Monica huddle in the kitchen)
Monica: What are we going to do? We can't have my parents stay here!
Chandler: They're your parents, you figure out a way to get rid of them.
Monica: You're just going to have to tell them that there isn't enough room.
Chandler: Me?
Monica: Yes you.
Chandler: But they're your parents!
Monica: I know that but my parents only like you a little bit, so it will be easier hearing bad news from you.
Chandler: Your parents think I'm a hoot.
Monica: Then tell them to go in a funny way.
Chandler: I'm not telling your parents that they can't stay here. They're your parents, you do it.
Monica: Sometimes I wonder if you even have a backbone.
Chandler: Me too.
Monica: Mom, Dad, Chandler and I and, the kids too are really happy that you came but the thing is that we don't have any more spare bedrooms.
Jack: That's ok dear, your Mom and I will just sleep on the couches. You won't even know we're here.
Monica: But don't you think a hotel suite would be more comfortable?
Judy: I personally can't sleep in hotels. The bedding freaks me out. You never know what went on in that bed before you got the room. 60 Minutes did a show on it, and showed how a bedspread had all sorts of stains on it that could only be seen through ultraviolet light. It was quite appalling.
Chandler: Well welcome to the Bing residence, we hope you enjoy your stay.
BRAD & JENNIFER'S RESIDENCE - UPPER EAST SIDE (Brad, Jennifer and the children are present)
Jennifer: Ok, Colin just went down for nap and Courteney's resting in her room.
Brad: And I just talked to the babysitter and she'll be here by 3:30.
Jennifer: Did you give the doorman all of the guests' names?
Brad: Yeah.
Jennifer: And everyone knows how to get here?
Brad: Yes. I even explained to Joey four times before Jenna got on the phone to take the directions.
Jennifer: Then I'm going to take a quick nap.
Brad: Mind if I join you?
Jennifer: There will be no touching.
Brad: Then forget it, the game is on.
ROSS & RACHEL'S FLAT (Ross, Rachel and the children, minus Ben, are present)
Rachel: You know what's funny to me?
Ross: What?
Rachel: We haven't heard a peep of out your parents since Keeley was born.
Ross: And why is that funny? That's a good thing.
Rachel: You don't think they'll show up out of the blue one day to tell us they're visiting for the week and they're staying with us?
Ross: No. My parents would never do something like that. My Dad hates to travel too.
Rachel: Well my Mother will be here around 3 to take Caitlin. Be nice to her.
Ross: I'm always nice to your Mother. It's your sisters that I'm mean to.
(There's a knock on the door. Rachel answers it. It's the Bings' and the Gellers)
Chandler: Look who walked into our lives.
Jack: Hello Ross, Rachel.
Caitlin: Hi.
Jack: Well hello Caitlin. You've gotten so big I could hardly recognize you.
Judy: Where's the new addition?
Rachel: She's sleeping at the moment.
Judy: Well let's go wake her up. Your hair looks absolutely fabulous Rachel. What's your secret?
(Rachel and Judy go into the master bedroom)
Ross: Why don't you go take a peek at Keeley too Dad?
Jack: Ok.
(Jack joins Rachel and Judy in the master bedroom)
Ross (to Monica): What are they doing here?
Monica: How the hell should I know? Once again they've chosen you over me.
Ross: How?
Monica: They're staying with Chandler and I.
Ross: Oh. Yeah that doesn’t bode well for you guys.
Monica: They have to stay here with you and Rachel.
Ross: We don't have anymore room.
Monica: Well we don't either.
Ross: Yes, but they cared enough to picked you and Chandler. How long are they staying?
Monica: I'm afraid to ask.
(Rachel, Judy and Jack rejoin everyone)
Judy: She's an absolutely beautiful child Rachel.
Rachel: Well thank you, we like to think that too.
Ross: So how long are you staying in town?
Jack: We haven't really decided yet. We bought open-ended tickets.
Ross: Well I know Monica and Chandler are looking forward to having you stay with them. (Monica shoots Ross a look)
Rachel (to Monica): Are you two still going to Brad and Jennifer's this afternoon?
Monica: Yes.
Judy: Who are Brad and Jennifer?
Ross: You met them at our wedding Mom. They're our actor friends.
Judy: Oh that's right. Jennifer's the one who looks almost exactly like Rachel. Well it will be good to see them again.
Monica: You're, you're, you're going to Brad and Jennifer's?
Judy: Well we have to do something.
Monica: Well Chandler and I thought you could watch Michael for us.
Jack: No, I'd much rather go to Brad and Jennifer's.
Monica: But you don't even know them.
Jack: We met them at Ross and Rachel's wedding Monica. Of course we know them.
Chandler: Well I guess you're joining us this afternoon. (Monica stares at Chandler) Are you sure you don't want to watch Michael for us?
Judy: We're on vacation Chandler, we're here to have some fun.
Chandler: Ok then. I guess we've settled that issue.
Jack: Let's go back to your place Monica, I need a shower.
Monica (under her breath): And I need a stiff drink.
Judy: What was that dear?
Monica: Nothing, I just said I'm so glad you're here.
(Monica, Chandler, Michael, Stephen, Peyton, Jack and Judy leave)
Rachel: I told you your parents would show up out of the blue.
Ross: And aren't we glad that it's Monica and Chandler who get to entertain them.
Rachel: I guess being the favorite pays off again.
Ross: Yup.
JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Joey, Jenna and Jenna Jr. are present. Joey's watching TV)
Jenna: Joey? (no answer) Joey? (no answer so Jenna shuts off the TV) Joey!
Joey: What?
Jenna: What time's the babysitter coming over?
Joey: How the hell should I know? What time did you tell her to come over?
Jenna: You were the one who said you'd arrange for the sitter.
Joey: No I didn't. I said we needed to get a sitter for Saturday.
Jenna: And then you said you'd arrange to get one.
Joey: If I said that, we'd have a sitter showing up this afternoon. I didn't say that so apparently we don't have a sitter for this afternoon.
Jenna: You're unbelievable you know that?
Joey: Well I do amaze a lot of people.
Jenna: You told me you were going to arrange for a sitter and also told me not to worry about it, so I didn't. Now we don't have a sitter and we're supposed to leave in an hour.
Joey: Is Phoebe home?
Jenna: Phoebe is going to Brad and Jennifer's too.
Joey: Well we could still ask her.
Jenna: You know what? Don't talk to me for the next hour.
Joey: What did I do?
Jenna: It's what you didn't do Joey. You said you'd arrange for a sitter and you didn't do it.
Joey: You've got a real selective memory there. I never said that.
Jenna: Fine have it your way. But if I don't find a sitter in the next hour, you're staying home to watch Jet this afternoon.
Joey: Me? You're the one who was in charge of getting a sitter.
Jenna: Your next word may be your last, so I'd shut up if I were you. (Jenna goes into their bedroom with the cordless phone and slams the door)
Joey (to himself): What's she so pissed at? She's the one who screwed up, not me.
BRAD & JENNIFER'S RESIDENCE - UPPER EAST SIDE (Brad, Jennifer, Courteney, Colin and Tamara, Courteney's sitter are present)
Brad: Thanks for coming over Tamara.
Tamara: It's no problem Mr. Pitt.
Brad: Please call me Brad.
Tamara: I can't do that Mr. Pitt. You're a grown up and I'm not.
Jennifer: Trust me Tamara, he's not much of a grown up.
Tamara: Well I'll take Courteney upstairs, enjoy your party.
(Tamara and Courteney go upstairs)
Brad: What time is it?
Jennifer: 4:05.
Brad: Is anyone on time anymore?
Jennifer: Let it go.
Brad: I'm just saying, we said the party would start at four and no one is here yet.
Jennifer: You're doing it again.
Brad: I'm just pointing out the fact that none of our friends are punctual.
(There's a knock on the door)
Jennifer: There, our first guests have arrived. (Jennifer opens the door, it's Phoebe and Jenna) Hey, come on in. Where's Joey?
Jenna: Looking for a babysitter. How are you?
Jennifer: I'm good. If you couldn't find a babysitter for little Jenna you could've just brought her here.
Jenna: The problem was that Joey didn't even try to find a babysitter when he said that he would.
Brad: So will Joey be joining us?
Jenna: If he finds a sitter, yes.
Phoebe: So that means he will probably be a no-show. Trying to find a sitter this late on a Saturday, impossible.
Jennifer: Well let me just call Joey and tell him to bring little Jenna over here. Tamara can watch her.
Jenna: Please don't do that Jennifer. I appreciate the offer, but Joey's being punished.
Jennifer: Ok. I totally understand. I'd 've done the same thing.
(Ross, Rachel and Keeley enter)
Ross: Hello.
Rachel: Hey Jen, Brad. (to Jenna) Where's Joey?
Jenna: Looking for a babysitter.
Rachel: He was supposed to get the sitter?
Jenna: Yeah.
Rachel: Then good move leaving him at home with little Jenna.
Ross: Man, this place is huge.
Brad: I like my things huge.
Jennifer: Stop flattering yourself, it's not that big.
Brad: Who wants the tour?
Jennifer: Shouldn't we wait for Monica and Chandler to arrive?
Brad: Good idea.
Ross: Ah, my parents are tagging along with Monica and Chandler. They showed up this morning.
Brad: And your parents are coming over?
Ross: Apparently they've invited themselves.
Jennifer: Oh. No biggie. We just won't make fun of old people like we usually do.
(Monica, Chandler, Stephen, Peyton, Jack and Judy enter)
Monica: Hello.
Jennifer: Hey guys. Wow Monica, you've really got your hands full. The twins can go upstairs in Colin's room. There are three extra cribs already set up.
Monica: Three extra cribs?
Jennifer: Well we knew you and Rachel were coming over and would need a place to put down your babies so we went out and bought three more cribs. (to Jack and Judy) You must be Monica and Ross' parents.
Jack: Hi. I'm Jack and this is my wife Judy. I hope you don't mind us coming over. We did meet at Ross and Rachel's wedding after all.
Jennifer: It's not a problem at all. My husband and I are glad to have you.
Brad: Ok, let the tour begin!
JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Joey and Jenna Jr. are present)
Joey: Mommy left us all alone.
Jenna: Mommy.
Joey: Mommy's mean.
Jenna: Mommy's mean.
Joey: Mommy's upset with Daddy.
Jenna: Mommy.
Joey: Where in the hell are you Gina? (there's a knock at the door. Joey answers it) Mary-Angela, why are you here?
Mary-Angela: Because you needed a babysitter. Did I come out here for nothing? Because if I did I'm not going to be happy and I'll hold you responsible for making me unhappy.
Joey: I thought Gina was coming over.
Mary-Angela: She was and then she decided to go to Atlantic City instead.
Joey: Ok. Jenna and I will be home around 11. See you later.
Mary-Angela: Not so fast.
Joey: What?
Mary-Angela: I want my money upfront.
Joey: But I need money for a cab.
Mary-Angela: Come on, $100, fork it over.
Joey: $100? The deal was $50 with Gina.
Mary-Angela: I'm not Gina. Our deal is $100.
Joey: I'm telling Ma.
Mary-Angela: Ma was the one who told me to charge you $100.
Joey: Ma told you?
Mary-Angela: Yeah, after she spoke to Jenna she told me that you'd be looking for a babysitter and if you called to charge you $100.
Joey: That bitch. I can't believe she called Ma.
Mary-Angela: Are you going to give me the $100 or I'm going home unhappy?
Joey: Here. (hands her the money) Thanks sweetie. (Joey leaves)
Mary-Angela: Nice doing business with you Joey. (to Jenna Jr.) Daddy's a sucker.
BRAD & JENNIFER'S RESIDENCE (Everyone but Joey is present)
Ross: This place is nearly as large as your house out in the Hamptons.
Brad: No, it's about 3,000 square feet smaller.
Ross: Whatever, this place is huge.
Chandler: And you have your own doorman. Our building doesn't have a doorman.
Jenna: Maybe Joey could be your doorman. It's not like he has a job.
Chandler: A little upset with Joey are we?
Jenna: Just a little.
Jennifer: Would anyone like some wine?
Rachel: Sounds good to me. I'll help you.
Monica: Count me in.
Monica: Do you want some wine Mom?
Judy: That would be lovely. Thank you Jennifer.
(Jennifer, Rachel and Monica go into the kitchen)
Monica: Did she not hear me ask her if she wanted some wine?
Rachel: I think she heard you, she just chose to thank Jennifer.
(Cut to Brad, Ross, Chandler and Jack)
Brad: Beer?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Me too.
Jack: Do you have any Jack Daniel's?
Brad: I think we do.
Jack: Could I trouble you for a Jack and Coke then?
Brad: Not a problem.
Jack: You must do alright financially to be able to afford a place like this Brad.
Brad: We manage.
Jack: So how much did this place run you?
Ross: Dad that’s really none of our business.
Jack: I was just curious.
Brad: Actually we got a really good deal on this place. The previous owner died so we bought this place out of probate for $4 million.
Jack: My god that's more than I ever earned as working man. Hollywood really pays well.
Brad: It's just a matter of economics really.
Jack: And that's why it costs $10 to see a movie.
Ross: Did you see the view Dad?
Jack: No.
Ross: Come check out the view with me.
(Ross and Jack walk over to the window)
Jack: Yes, that's really some view. But then again, for $4 million, you'd expect to have a nice view.
Ross: Dad, please don't talk about Brad and Jennifer's wealth. It makes them uncomfortable.
Jack: What do they have to be ashamed about? They worked hard for their money. That's if you call acting working hard.
Ross: Dad, please. Just don't bring it up again.
Jack: Ok, ok. I won't.
(There's a knock at the door. Jennifer answers and it's Joey)
Jennifer: Look what the cat dragged in.
Joey: Hi. Sorry I'm late, we had a little trouble finding a sitter.
Jenna: Look, it's my darling husband.
Joey: Hello Jenna, good to see you again.
Jenna: So which sister did you rope into watching Jet this time?
Joey: Mary-Angela is watching Jenna Jr. And thank you so much for calling my mother.
Jenna: I didn't call your mother.
Joey: I think you did.
Jenna: Joey, I did not call your mother.
Joey: Mary-Angela said you did.
Jenna: Then Mary-Angela pulled the wool over your eyes. I didn't call your mother.
Joey: You really have that selective memory thing going on today. First you accused me of not getting a babysitter and now you're denying that you called my mother. My little sister wouldn't lie to me.
Jenna: So you're implying that I would?
Joey: If the shoe fits, wear it.
Jenna: Let's continue not speaking to one another.
Joey: Fine by me.
Chandler: Hey Joey. Where have you been?
Joey: I had to find a babysitter because Jenna didn't do it.
Chandler: But didn't you tell Jenna that you'd take care of that earlier this week?
Jenna: He did.
Joey: I did not.
Chandler: I was there. That was exactly what you told her.
Joey: You weren't there. I never said that.
Chandler: I too was there. We were hanging out at your place and Jenna came home from shopping and you told her about today and you said that you'd find a sitter for Jet.
Joey: No, I said we needed to find a sitter for today.
Chandler: No, you said you needed a sitter for today and that you'd find one and told her not to worry about it.
Joey: My God, even you have selective memory syndrome.
Jenna: So now you're calling Chandler, your best friend I might add, a liar?
Joey: No, I'm merely saying that Chandler didn't hear me say that I'd arrange for a sitter for today.
Chandler: But that's exactly what you said Joe.
Joey: Ok, whatever. I need a beer. (Joey walks away)
Jenna (to Chandler): Thank you for remembering the conversation.
Chandler: Hey, anytime I can make Joey look foolish I'm happy to help.
(Cut to Joey, Brad, Phoebe and Rachel)
Brad: Glad you made it Joey.
Joey: Me too. Thanks for the beer.
Brad: You're welcome. (to Phoebe) So how are things working out with Jack?
Phoebe: Really well.
Joey: Wait, how do you know about Jack?
Rachel: Who's Jack?
Phoebe: This guy that I'm seeing.
Rachel: You're seeing a new guy and didn't tell us about him?
Phoebe: Apparently.
Brad: I set Phoebe up with a friend of mine. He's my investment adviser.
Phoebe: He is?
Brad: He didn't tell you that?
Phoebe: No, he didn't.
Brad: Well that's what he does. He's really good at too. You should consider investing with him Phoebe.
Phoebe: Nah, it wouldn't be smart to sleep with my investment adviser.
Brad: You're probably right.
Rachel: How long have you been seeing Jack Phoebe and why haven't you told us about him?
Phoebe: We've only been dating for a couple of weeks and I haven't told you all about him yet because I wanted to get to know him first.
Rachel: So what is he like?
Phoebe: A guy.
Rachel: Could you be more specific?
Phoebe: I could but that would mean telling you about him and I'm not ready to do that.
Rachel: But I'm one of your closest friends.
Phoebe: True, but I'm still not saying anything. (Phoebe walks away)
Rachel: What can you tell me about Jack Brad?
Brad: He's a guy and he's my investment adviser.
Rachel: I already know that. What else?
Brad: I guess you'll have to wait to find out from Phoebe.
(Cut to an hour later - Rachel, Monica and Jennifer are upstairs attending to their kids. The rest are downstairs talking)
Jennifer: So how are you holding up Monica? I mean it's got to be difficult caring for twins, it's hard enough with just one baby.
Monica: You get used to it. Now I just worry about Chandler.
Jennifer: Why's that?
Monica: Because he's the biggest baby in the house. (pause) But he's my baby and I like him that way.
Rachel: What are you going to do when you go back to work next month?
Monica: What do you mean?
Rachel: Are you going to have Chandler watch the kids at night?
Monica: Yeah. Why wouldn't I?
Rachel: Because he's Chandler.
Monica: It'll be fine. I'm not worried at all. In fact, when Chandler comes home from work now he takes care of the kids for the rest of the evening anyway.
Jennifer: I'm sending Brad to your house for a week.
Rachel: Brad not helping out around the house?
Jennifer: No he is, he's just driving me crazy.
Monica: Please, I have my parents in town, the last thing I need is someone else to drive me crazy.
(Cut to downstairs)
Jack: Is there a bathroom I could use?
Brad: Sure. It's down the hall, first door on the left.
Jack: Thanks.
Judy: So have you made any new movies lately Brad?
Brad: I just finished shooting Troy and the sequel to Ocean's Eleven.
Judy: Any chance we'll be seeing you naked in either film?
Ross: Mom!
Judy: What? It's an artistic question.
Brad: No, I'll be fully clothed.
Joey: I really need to start working again. I miss being on TV.
Jenna: I don't know how that's possible given the amount of time you spend in front of it.
Joey: At least I didn't forget about hiring a babysitter for today.
Jenna: You were the one who was supposed to arrange for a sitter Joey, not me.
Joey: Well maybe if you weren't constantly nagging me I wouldn't forget things.
Phoebe: Ok, who needs a drink?
Jenna: I don't nag you.
Joey: You're like a fly on sh^t.
Chandler: I'm with Phoebe, who needs a drink?
Jenna: I'll have some wine Phoebe.
Ross: Do you want a beer Joe?
Joey: Yeah. (Ross and Joey go the kitchen)
Ross: Things seem a little tense between you and Jenna. Is everything ok?
Joey: Everything's fine.
Ross: Are you sure?
Joey: Positive. This always happens.
Ross: You two bickering?
Joey: Yeah. It's just harmless stuff. Things will be fine later.
Ross: Ah Joe, constant bickering can be a sign of serious marital trouble.
Joey: Well you would know, you've been divorced three times.
Ross: Hey, I'm trying to be a concerned friend and you throw that stuff in my face?
Joey: I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated with her.
Ross: Well don't take it out on me. Look, a word of advice, nip the bickering in the bud before it becomes something too big to handle and someone gets hurt.
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: I'm serious Joey.
Joey: I know.
Ross: You still love Jenna right?
Joey: Of course I do. She's just been making it difficult to do that lately.
Ross: Well be the better person and stop fighting with her. Better yet, try to find out what's bothering her.
Joey: I already know what's bothering her.
Ross: And that's what?
Joey: Me.
Ross: Well how are you bothering her?
Joey: I don't really know.
Ross: Then ask her.
Joey: Now why would I want to do that? That would just stir up things.
Ross: Or you could just let things simmer until you find yourself served with divorce papers.
Joey: Yeah, I don't want that happening. Jeez, I hate being married sometimes.
Ross: We all do.
(Cut to the others. Rachel, Jennifer and Monica have re-joined the group)
Monica: Phoebe, why won't you tell us about Jack?
Phoebe: I'm protecting him from your incessant gossiping.
Monica: I don't gossip.
Phoebe: And you like to keep your place dirty too.
Rachel: Well when are you going to let us meet him?
Phoebe: I haven't decided yet.
Rachel (joking): I guess we'll just have to follow you on a date then.
Joey: Yeah, I wouldn't do that, she really hates it when you do that.
Rachel: I was just kidding around Joe.
Joey: Oh. Me too.
(Jack re-joins the group)
Jack: Brad, could I see you for a minute?
Brad: Sure.
(Jack and Brad step away)
Jack: Do you have a plunger?
Brad: Ah no, I don't think I do, haven't had the time to go out and purchase one yet.
Jack: Oh.
Brad: Is the toilet clogged?
Jack: Yes. I'm very sorry.
Brad: It's no big deal. I'll just get a hanger and use that to clear the plug.
Jack: Good idea.
(Brad goes to get a hanger and Jack waits for him)
Chandler: What is that smell?
Ross: Don't look at me, I didn't do it.
Joey: I only do that in my own home.
Chandler: It smells like someone died.
Ross: Oh no.
Chandler: What?
Ross: My Dad just used the bathroom.
Joey: My God, what did he eat?
Chandler: I think I'm going to be sick.
Monica: What are you three doing?
Chandler: You don't smell that?
Monica: Smell what?
Chandler: That smell of dead bodies coming from down the hall.
Judy: I don't smell anything.
Rachel: Oh my God.
Jennifer: I think the paint's gonna start peeling off the wall.
Phoebe: That's worse than a stink bomb.
(Cut back to Jack and Brad)
Brad: Got the hanger. Let's go unclog the toilet.
Jack (as they're walking towards the bathroom): I can do it if you'd like.
Brad (overcome by the smell in the bathroom): Knock yourself out. If you need me, I'll be in the family room.
(Brad re-joins everyone in the family room)
Jennifer: Are you ok honey?
Brad: A little nauseous but fine.
Judy: Sit down and have some wine dear. That'll help clear your head.
Joey: I think if we open some windows that'd clear all of our heads. (The others look at Joey) Just a suggestion.
(Jack re-enters the room)
Jack: That did the trick Brad, sorry about that.
Brad: It's ok. Things happen.
Jack: Do you need your hanger back?
Brad: No, let's just throw it in the trash.
Jack: That's probably best.
Monica: Ok. I think it's time we head on home Chandler.
Chandler: Why?
Monica: Because the twins need to be bathed before bed and I think it's time to go. (Monica goes upstairs to get the twins)
Chandler: Ok. See you everybody. Thanks Brad, Jennifer, the place is awesome.
Jennifer: Thanks for coming over.
Judy: I hope we didn’t intrude on your party Jennifer.
Jennifer: Not at all, we're glad you came.
Jack: This is a magnificent place, congratulations to you both.
Brad: Thank you Mr. Geller.
(Monica comes downstairs)
Monica: Ready?
Chandler: Let's go.
Monica: Thanks again Brad and Jennifer.
Jennifer: It was good to see you. I guess we'll be seeing more of you both now that were living in the City.
Brad: Thanks for coming.
(Monica, Chandler, Stephen, Peyton, Jack and Judy leave)
Jennifer: Let me open some windows.
Phoebe: Thank you. My god, what crawled up his ass and died?
Brad: Whatever it was it must've been very large. I thought I was going to pass out when I got to the bathroom. It was definitely the nicest housewarming gift so far.
Joey: It's gotta be the airplane food.
Jenna: Huh?
Joey: Airplane food does it to me every time.
Phoebe: A simple meal does that to you Joey.
JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Joey, Jenna and Jenna Jr. and Mary-Angela are present)
Joey: Thanks for watching little Jenna.
Mary-Angela: It was an easy $100.
Joey: Whatever. Thanks again.
Mary-Angela: Bye guys. (Mary-Angela leaves)
Jenna: It cost you $100?
Joey: Yes.
Jenna: Tough lesson.
Joey: Yeah. (pause) Are you happy?
Jenna: Excuse me?
Joey: Are you happy with me?
Jenna: Are we talking about today or in general?
Joey: In general.
Jenna: I'm happy. Why?
Joey: Doesn't it seem like we've been arguing a lot lately?
Jenna: I hadn't really noticed.
Joey: I have.
Jenna: Oh. Well I don't know what to say other that than I'm happy. I'm happy you’re my husband.
Joey: Well I'm not too happy.
Jenna: I'm sorry to hear that.
Joey: I think we've been arguing too much lately. I feel like I keep upsetting you and I don't know why.
Jenna: Well you've been doing a lot of stupid things lately.
Joey: What?
Jenna: Take today for instance. You told me that you'd arrange for a sitter and you never did. When I confronted you on it you told me that I was lying and that you never said that. Things like that upset me.
Joey: But I never did say that I'd arrange for a sitter.
Jenna: But you did and Chandler was here to witness it. So either both Chandler and I are lying or you simply forgot what you told me.
Joey: Ok, I'll give you today. But what about all the other fights we've had the past couple of weeks?
Jenna: Are you referring to the incident where you told me you had bathed Jet when in fact you hadn't?
Joey (after a long pause): Ok, there's gotta be something where I was in the right.
Jenna: Why are you so concerned?
Joey: Because I don't like arguing with you. I don't want you to come home someday and serve me with divorce papers because we hadn't talked out our differences.
Jenna: You think I want a divorce?
Joey: The thought has crossed my mind.
Jenna: Well I don't. I love you too much.
Joey: Then why do we keep fighting?
Jenna: I honestly don't know.
Joey: I don't want to fight with you anymore.
Jenna: Ok. What would you like to do?
Joey: I want to go to a counselor with you.
Jenna: A counselor?
Joey: A marriage counselor. I want to talk out our differences with a marriage counselor. It's worked for Monica and Chandler and Ross and Rachel too. I think it could really help us.
Jenna: Ok. I'll go.
Joey: Really?
Jenna: Yes, if it's important to you that we go, then I'm all for it.
Joey: I'm stunned. I thought I'd have to drag you to see a counselor.
Jenna: No, all you had to do was ask and you did. You obviously care about our marriage as I do so I'm all for going to seeing a counselor. You'll set up the appointment?
Joey: Yeah. I'll do it tomorrow.
Jenna: Ok. I won't worry about it. Just let me know the time and date and I'll be there.
Joey: Ok. (long pause) You know this is the first thing we've agreed on in two weeks.
Jenna: That's not true. Earlier today we both agreed not to speak to one another.
Joey: Damn, I forgot about that.
Jenna: Come here. (hugs Joey) I love you and I'm not going anywhere.
Joey: I love you too.
CLOSING CREDITS
MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Monica, Chandler, Michael, Stephen, Peyton, Jack and Judy are present. It's the middle of the night. Jack and Judy are sleeping on the couch. Chandler gets up to get some water. He's in the kitchen pouring a glass of water when he hears Judy say something)
Judy: Oh Jack that feels so good.
Jack: Well you've been a bad little girl.
(Chandler drops his glass and runs back to the master bedroom and jumps back into bed awaking Monica)
Monica: Could you be a little less subtle?
Chandler: Your, your, your parents were doing it in the family room!
Monica: Oh God, please make them go home tomorrow.