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If FPJ won as president of the Philippines, our money will be like this..
Shoot to Kill(doc)
TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past
year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. 
I have succeeded
36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. 
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times
I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did together:
The reason I laid
still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. 
I wasn't talking
about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on
my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt
me move was because you farted 
and I was trying to breathe. 
Only in the Philippines
Along
a highway in Pampanga: 
"WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"
On
a self-service restaurant in Cebu: 
"PLEASE HELP OUT COMFORT ROOM CLEAN"
In a Baguio grocery:
"FRESH
FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE" 
In
Cubao: 
"NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"
Along
Luneta Boulevard: 
"BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD:
On
Jeepney and Bus signs: 
"BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON BEFORE GET THE OFF"
On a flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
"WE
SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS" 
On a delivery truck:
"NOT
FOR HERE: 
On
window of a restaurant in Baguio: 
"WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"
On a street in San Juan:
"BAWAL
MAGTAPON NG BINALOT NA TAE RITO" 
A graffiti inside the cubicle of a ladies' C.R. in a university:
"PLEASE
DON'T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE A QUEEN." 
At a men's comfort room, above a urinal: (maybe from UP Diliman dorm)
"HAWAK
MO AND KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN!!!"
At
a construction site in Mandaluyong: 
"BAWAL OMEHI DITO, AND MAHOLI BOG-BOG"
Somewhere
along San Andres:
"NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS!"
Vacant lot near Makati Avenue:
"DON'T
PARKING" 
At an eatery in Cebu:
"WE
HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!" 
Sa
pader ng Intramuros: 
"MARUNONG K BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG UMIIHI DITO!"
And
this is the best of them all... para sa mga abugado ito... 
(no offends ha?)
On
a building somewhere in the Philippines:
"NOTARY PUBLIC, TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA KUNG LINGGO."
Isn't
it fun to be Filipino??
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