The camera shows a parking lot and loud hip hop is playing, the camera pans left to show a Pinto with a stereo system worth more than the car. The music stops and out of the car steps a white guy dressed as a gangsta.
"Wuzzup G? I be da Masta Gangsta Hip Hop Dave from da Ghettos of MO-bile, Alabama, or as I call it, 'Ally.' Aight G, time to rhyme. Check it out yo, I be comin here to feel da flo. Wrasslin each week on da big show. Y'all know I'm grabbin da gold. My star is gonna do nuthin but glow. Slap ya so hard ya be callin me 'Moe.' If you Stooges try to step up, I bring you low. WORD."
The camera fades to black as Hip Hop Dave gets back into the Pinto and cranks the hip hop and drives off.
"Introducing first, from Kame House, standing at 6'1" and weighing 203 pounds, one half of the Super Saiya-jins...GOKU!"
"We Were Angels" the end theme of the Japanese version of Dragonball Z played and Goku came out with his crazy hair and his orange Gi to cheers. He ran down the aisle and slid underneath the bottom rope. He raised both hands into the air and waited in a corner.
Clive: "Introducing next, standing at 5'10" and weighing in at 200 pounds, he is a flyer from Tokyo, Japan, he is Super Kabuki!"
"Time to Go" by Dropkick Murphys started to play and the Philly fans booed as Kabuki came out crossing his arms in front of him in an "X" shape. He walked to the ring and hopped over the top rope. he got in the corner opposite Goku and stared at Goku intensely. Goku looked back, unintimidated. Redneck reminded everyone that Goku beat Kabuki one on one a couple of weeks ago on Oct 7's edition of Fierce.
Clive: "Our third competitor comes to us from Tiajuana, Mexico. He stands at 5'7" and weighs 180 pounds, he is "El Fantastico" Esteban Suave!"
The fans cheered as "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N Roses played. Esteban came out and was obviously hyped up. He ran to the ring, got onto the arpon and flipped into the ring. he then got to the middle of the ring and did a standing backflip. He then headed to a spare corner.
Clive: "And finally our last competitor. He stands at 5'11" and weighs 207 pounds. From 'The Ghettos' of Mobile, Alabama, here is Hip Hop Dave!"
"Gettin Jiggy Wit It" by Will Smith played and the fans booed the music, then they booed the white boy gangsta as he came out. Hip Hop Dave seemed confused by the jeers, tried a 'Running Man' dance, but the boos got louder. Hip Hop Dave shook his head and made his way into the ring. Referee Steve Youngren called for the bell and this match was on!
Match Synopsis: The bell rang and these four men wasted no time in getting at each other. Hip Hop Dave and Esteban Montoya locked horns in the corner, engaging in a chop duel while Kabuki and Goku went at it. kabuki was hot at Goku and let loose with some heavy shots. Kabuki threw Goku through the ropes and hit a nice Cross Body Block.off the apron. With Goku dazed, Kabuki laid a chair across Goku, got on the arpon and hit a scintillating Spinning Leg Drop from the apron onto the chair! Hip Hop Dave won the chop fest and he saw a downed Kabuki and Goku. He ran and as Kabuki and Goku were getting up, he took fligjht. Kabuki saw dave coming and hauled Goku in Dave's path. Hip Hop Dave drilled Goku with the Compton Corkscrew Plancha! Esteban Montoya, who was in the ring, slid out and came around the corner, nailing Kabuki with a One Handed Facebuster on the floor. Hip Hop Dave stunned Goku and then ran over and thrust kicked Esteban. dave slid back into the ring, got on the top rope, and then with all three men below, Dave lept and hit the Turn Table! (Go Round) All four men were down as the fans were chanting, "Holy [Bleep]!" Johnny Redneck said that even thou8gh it was visually stimulating action, at this breakneck pace, the match couldn't last long. Terry Gold said he concurred 100%.
Hip Hop Dave rolled Goku back into the ring while Esteban Montoya and Super Kabuki battled on the outside. Esteban got the better of Kabuki and sent him head first into the ring post with a Slingshot. Back in the ring, Hip Hop Dave had Goku in the corner and dropped him with a nice Tornado DDT. Hip Hop dave went for the pin, but Esteban broke it up at 2. Esteban then tried pinning Goku but Hip Hop stopped that attempt before the 1. Kabuki rolled back into the ring and grabbed Hip Hop Dave, Kabuki then dropped Hip Hop with a Jumping Reverse DDT. Esteban punched and kicked Goku down, grabbed the arm and tried La Magistral, but ended up in the ropes. Esteban then went up high and tried a 450 Splash but Goku moved out of the way. He then went high and nailed a beautiful Saiyan Splash but Kabuki and Hip Hop both hauled Goku off. Kabuki then tried to hit Dave, but Hip Hop ducked, got behind Kabuki and Dropkicked him. Dave then dropped down and did the Salmon. It didn't do any damage Johnny pointed out, but it could demoralize your opponent, maybe. Terry Gold said that was the saddest example of dancing since the Urkel dance.
Esteban and Goku locked up and both men traded blows, each man driving the othjer out of the ring, they disappeared into the crowd, fighting leaving Hip Hop Dave and Kabuki in the ring. Dave looked at Esteban and Goku in the stands while he was in the corner, then from behind, Kabuki did a School Boy, Kabuki put his feet on the ropes for leverage and got the 1-2-3!
"Time to Go" by Dropkick Murphys played as Kabuki had his hand raised in victory, Hip Hop Dave tried to complain to referee Steve Youngren, but Steve would have no part of it. Hip Hop Dave shook his head and then Superkicked Kabuki! He got on the top rope and hit the GANGSTA DROP! The fans had a mixed reaction, but both Johnny and Terry said Hip Hop Dave was like a kid throwing a tantrum. Johnny said that now the EIWF Bruiserweight title match was Rave v Darkchylde v Kabuki...they just needed one more wrestler...and the match to decide that was next!
Commercial Break: "Stanley Hosspiss Beer. Brewed since 1932, beer the way it should be. Hosspiss."
The camera comes to life showing a weight room. The camera pans right and shows someone doing deadlifts with an impressive amount of weight. Burning out reps is none other than Hulk 2k5. Hulk ends his routine with a loud yell and the weights come down with a loud thud on the rubber. Lene Gene runs up to Hulk 2k5.
Lene Gene: "Hulk 2k5, nobody has seen you since Oct 7's TV show when you and the '66 Batman lost, is this where you've been the whole time?"
Hulk 2k5 stares ahead, his massive back to the camera, his head is hung, then he quickly turns and has a look of intensity on his face.
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SO THEN I DECIDED THAT IF I WAS IN GOOD SHAPE BEFORE, I'D BE IN 10 TIMES BETTER SHAPE FOR THE PAY PER VIEW BROTHER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL BE IN, BUT BROTHER, I WILL BE TAKIN HOME A TITLE DUDE! I'VE BEEN IN THIS GYM FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS BOMBING MY BISCEPS, DEVESTATIN MY DELTS, PUNISHING MY PECS, TORTURIN MY TRAPS. I'VE ALSO BEEN PRAYING AND TAKING THE VITAMINS DUDE. I'M LIKE A CYBORG BROTHER, I HAVEN'T SLEPT BRAH AND I'VE BEEN EATING THUNDER CRAPPIN LIGHTING IN HERE BROTHER. DON'T WORRY HULKAMANIACS, HULK 2K5 IS GONNA GET BACK IN THAT EIWF RING AND I'M GONNA BE BETTER THAN EVER....WHA'CHA GONNA DO? WHEN HULK 2K5 ROCKS AND RUMBLES ALL OVER YOOOOOU?"
Lene Gene: "There you have it folks, a fired up Hulk 2k5ster!!"
The camera fades to black as Lene Gene watched Hulk do more deadlifts.
Julia: "Ahem, tell me, how do you prepare for a team as formidable as the Priests of Nocturne?"
West Coast Gangsta: "Look, Paladyn is nuthin but a trash talkin punk. He think he all big and bad, look what EJB did to Paladyn's b-[bleep] Kindred one on one. Paladyn and that giant foo Nightspawn, they looked big and bad against the Mexican and Japanese midget they fought. Then in their match against Hulk and Bats, the big goon just smothered Bats in the corner. Well, y'all won't smother me, I'll drop Paladyn wit a quickness and Nightsapwn, ain't no way you smotherin tha BGN!"
BGN: "Only smotherin goin on Holloween is when I smother my candy is sweet gravy...And my ladies with my sweet love, oh baby!"
Julia: "What about the masked attackers. First there was one, now there are two! Any thoughts?"
Dolemite: "I got a thought, those are two more chumps who are goan git wasted! Come at us from behind, what are you, queer? Why doan you two punk[bleep]s get rid of the masks, and meet us face to face!"
The lights went out and when they came on, all three men were down! Standing in the ring with a shaken Julia were the two masked assailants! The one with the Confederate Flag on his back grabbed the mic and spoke into it.
"You boys want us with our masks off? Well, at Devil's Night you'll get your wish. Until then, watch your backs, BOYS!"
Commercial Break: Dickie Simons Homo Brand Milk. Creamy, white and goes down smooth for all your nutritional needs. When you think Milk, think Wholesome, think Homo. Dickie Simons Homo Brand Milk."
The location is shot at a hair slaon in what appears to be a certain district in Manhattan, or Queens. The sun shines in through the window and someone is seated in a chair. the chair swivels and a blonde man with a big, toothy grin leaps up flamboyantly and speaks with a lisp.
"Well hello boys! Oh my goodness, I can't believe this happeneing! This is just so exciting, it's been a while since I've been in a wrestlnig organization I can call 'home.' You see, my last wrestling home was in NMW and boy oh boy was it ever fun! I met so many interesting and unique people there! My last two places in wrestling were ok, but not great. I was in Las vegas, in DRW, and I know a lot of boys in EIWF used to be there, but I had the shortest time of anyone, 2 days! Yeth, ith true! I was there 2 days and then I got called to New York, in UCE, and although UCE was kinda fun, I got really busy, and well, the people there weren't as fun to work with, it was too weird. "
"But EIWF, oh my, I watch it, and I see all the beef in the ring and I say 'Chow time!' This fed has so many good looking hunky wrestlers that I would love to pin, or maybe pin me! Oh I'm horrible! But I want to introduce my manager, my first one was so much funner, is that a word, 'funner?' Oh never mind, my first manager was Ben Dover...GLADLY! Hee hee, I'm bad, but this is my second manager. He has a rod up his butt, and althought I can't believe it, I mean it as a bad thing! This is Elder Layton. Say 'hello' to the EIWF!"
Elder Layton: "What you're doing goes against Heavenly Father's plan, wouldn't you rather have 6 wives?"
"Anyways, EIWF, I'll be making my debut on October 21, and I'm told if I win, I get to go to the Holloween PPV and fight for a title! This is so awesome! By the way...just so you know...Phillip Mianes is my name...but EIWF, filling up your anus is my aim! Toodles!"
Mianes wiggles for the camera and then goes back to sitting in the chair while reading Cosmo. Fade to black.
Terry: "Make sure he isn't behind you!"
Johnny: "Oh good grief. Folks, it's Main Event time. Let's go to Clive Johnson."
"We Gotta Power" the opening theme for the Japanese Version of Dragonball Z played as Vegeta came out to boos. He ignored and went straight to the ring with little fanfare.
Clive: "Next, originally from Hartford, CT, but now claiming 'The Closet' as home. He stands at 5'7" and weighs 170 pounds, being accompanied to the ring by Elder Layton, he is a former NMW Light Heavyweight and Women's Champion, he is, 'The Queen O' Wrasslin' Phillip Mianes!"
The fans were in a state of shock as "Dancin Queen" by ABBA began to play. Out through the curtain stepped Phillip and Elder Layton, who looked very uncomfortable. Mianes was dressed in a pink Ric Flair type robe that had "Queen" on the back in sequins. Mianes strutted down to the ring with an air of regality. Mianes stepped into the ring and took the mic from Clive Johnson.
"I hope everyone liked my intro video just a couple of moments ago. There is one thing in the introduction that Mr Johnson...I LOVE that name...but there was one thing he left out. As great and as sexy as Commissioner Caldwell is, he neglected something in his fed, however, I have brought it with me...Elder Layton, hold the mic please?"
Layton took the mic and Mianes opened his robe, and removed it. Around his waist was a Toy WWE Championship belt with a large sticker on the front that had "Women's Champion" written in black marker.
"EIWF doesn't sanction a Women's Title, so this is not the EIWF Women's title...this is 'The Women's Champpionship' and I am THE 'Women's Champion!' So before I hand the mic back and the other boys come out for this hot foursome, I have one thing to say...Vegeta, it sounds like you're named after vegetables, well if so, perhaps after the match I can take you to my garden and show you my cucumber!"
Terry: "Can I go home now please?"
Johnny: "he is a character to say the least...WHAT A SHOT BY VEGETA!"
Match Synopsis: After the rude comment by Mianes, Vegeta ran in with a Leap Heel Kick to the back of the head. Clive Johnson dove out of the ring and GeraldMacKenzie called for the bell. Vegeta mounted and threw hard punches at Mianes, as El Diablo Tigre and then Pelvis Wesley ran to the ring with his manager, Col. Tom Parker in tow. As Vegeta was on Mianes, Tigre and Pelvis did an exchange that saw Pelvis get a Headlock takedown. Pelvis then let go when he saw Vegeta go for a pin, so he broke that up and then got Vegeta into the corner, he stomped and put a boot to Vegeta's throat as Diablo and Mianes then squared off. They tied up in a test of strength with Diablo taking Mianes down first. As Mianes was on his knees he tried to bite at El Diablo Tigre's crotch! Diablo was so shaken up, that Mianes battled to his feet and got Diablo on his knees. When Diablo was down, Mianes started gyrating in front of Diablo's face! Pelvis got Vegeta back to his feet and threw a hard chop that sent Vegeta back down to the canvas. Vegeta rolled out of the ring to catch his breath and Pelvis gave chase. Back in the ring, Mianes let go the test of strength but still maintained a grip on El Diablo Tigre's arm. Mianes then dopped an elbow, then followed up by straightening the arm out and dropping the knees on it.
Vegeta was on the floor and Pelvis had a chair in hand, he slid into the ring and when Mianes turned, he was met with a Running Chair Shot by Pelvis Wesley! The Adult Elvis Impersonator dropped the chair and did some R rated shuckinn and jvin to the displeasure of the crowd. Terry Gold said that they were in Philadelphia, and even though he hated hardcore personally, he said the fans paid to see hardcore wrestling, not gay porn or cheap 3rd rate strippers. Johnny started laughing because he said this was the first time Terry Gold asked to see chair shots. Vegeta had recovered and had slipped into the ring where he hit a nice Standing Moonsault Splash on Diablo. vegeta quickly followed up with a Standing Somersault Leg Drop. He went for the cover but got 2.
Pelvis hauled Mianes up and threw Mianes into the corner, where Maines hit the turnbuckle face first. Pelvis then hit a nice dropkick that sent Mianes Face first back into the turnbuckle. Meanwhile, vegeta was in another corner, waiting for El Diablo Tigre to get up, he did so and Vegeta ran in, nailing him with the Big Bang Attack! Diablo went down in a heap and Vegeta made the cover again. However, the count was broken by Mianes, who had recovered. Mianes and Vegeta then went to the floor outside while Diablo and Pelvis battled in the ring. Mianes nailed Vegeta with a few chops and then blew a kiss at Vegeta, Vegeta became enraged and then did a Karate Rush, where he threw relentless middle roundhosue kicks and punches and overhand chops until Maines was backed into the guard rail. Vegeta then backed up, placed a chair in the middle of the pathway, ran, and leapt off the chair, catching Mianes with a Leg Lariat. Back in the ring, Pelvis threw clubbing blows down on the back of Diablo, but Diablo got back to his feet, Pelvis threw a kick that was caught and El Diablo Tigre countered with a Dragon Screw. Diablo then grabbed the leg of Pelvis, stomped on it a couple of times and executed the Wraparound Leg Drop. Back outside, Vegeta took a chair and threw it at the face of Mianes and then did a Jumping reverse Spin Kick that sent Mianes over the rail and into the first row. Elder Layton tried to get between them with his Book of Mormon, but Vegeta started mouthing off at Elder Layton, Mianes recovered, hopped the rail, and hit a Low Blow followed by Mianes throwing Vegeta's head back into the guard rail! Mianes then grabbed a chair and drove it down into Vegeta's ribs. Back in the ring, Pelvis was still working over El Diablo Tigre, he whipped Tigre off the ropes and hit a Hot Shot slam.
Mianes dragged Vegeta away from the guard rail, got Vegeta to his feet and then rolled Vegeta back into the ring. Mianes sat Vegeta up in the corner, took a few steps back, ran in and humilated Vegeta with the Bronco Buster! Terry Gold asked once again if he could go home and Redneck told him to behave. Pelvis whipped Diablo into the opposite corner and threw a 4 Punch combo. he then signalled to Phillip, who then proceeded to whip Vegeta, Pelvis whipped Diablo and it looked like there would be an in ring collision, however, Vegeta reversed the whip, sending Mianes into Diablo! Diablo went down, Vegeta went up and hit the Saiyan Splash! Mianesd wandered over to Pelvis and Mianes felt the fury of the Roadie Shake, Rattle and Roll Vegeta had a cover, but Diablo got a foot on the ropes. Vegeta tried to haul Diablo up, but Diablo countered with a nice elbow to the gut followed by a quick Neckbreaker. Pelvis however hit the Rocker Dropper on Mianes and tried to get the pin., only to be thawrted by El Diablo Tigre. Tigre and pelvis went blow for blow, then Vegeta got up and attacked Pelvis. he pushed Pelvis back to the corner and let loose with karate kicks and punches when Diablo was watching. Mianes recovered and was slipped a chair by Elder Layton. Mianes snuck up behind Tigre and leveled him with a chair chot! He then pinned Tigre and got the 1-2-3 before Vegeta or Pelvis could notice!
"Dancin Queen" by ABBA played and Mianes dropped and rolled out of the ring before an irate Vegeta could get him. Mianes held his "Women's Championship" high as he was helped to the back by Elder Layton.
The feed switches to a high school gym, and on the mats in his wrestling singlet and even headgear, is Curtis Vector.
Vector: "I'm here in my world Walt Peterson, on the mats. All day I've been slamming high school punks and twisting their bodies out of shape, and in my mind burns one image, YOU! Last week in Montreal was the biggest farce of my career! You and I battled for 15 minutes in what was an intense chess match, hold for hold, submission attempt for submission attempt. "Pure Gold" v "Mr MMA" and despite all your UFC s[bleep], you couldn't beat me in the 15 minutes alotted. In fact Mr MMA, I had you caught in the Maple Leaf! If it weren't for the time limit on this pathetic excuse of a TV wrestling show, yould would have been in that hold for 15:30, 16, 17, and if need be, 30 minutes...basically the time needed to make you say 'I Quit.' No, you got lucky, and I was forced to settle for a draw. But you couldn't have that could you? Oh no, you caught me off guard with your request for 5 more minutes, the fans loved it, the scum that they are. I was suckered into it, and when it seemed I had you up for the Spiral Bomb, you hit your little Waltmission and get the win."
"Well Walt, I know it, you know it, and these pukes that are watching me right now know that you fluked out. Oh yeah, I've seen cheap wins, and yours ranks up there as being in the highest. Walt, I dunno where you are right now, maybe in Montreal in your fancy townhouse eating your crappy poutine with your frog fans...maybe you're in Hawaii with your wife celebrating the Fluke of the Century. Maybe you're in your old pal Duncan Fraser's apartment and you guys are drinking a beer while watching TV. I hope you're watching this Walt, because I'm calling you out. After Pay Per View, after the Titles have been awarded, I'll be calling you out. rest assured, after I call you out, I'll slam you headfirst into the mat and before you lose consciouness, you'll be the one slurring 'I Quit!'"
Fade to Black