The Speech quotes are finally up!  Oh my gosh!  I forgot how funny these were!   I felt like such a dork, laughing to myself as I was typing them up.  Sorry Wil and Kramer that it took me so long to get these up.. I know how much Brian relies on my site: 

"The only recollection I have of my life is what is on your website." (Kramer)

Also, Brian, you say entirely too much stuff...

Speech was a lot fun this year, especially since we kicked Harriton's butt and won Districts!  Also, almost everyone on the team participated in the state competition at Susquehanna University.  We're awesome.  

Kramer

Speak well, or forever hold your speech. (Kramer)

Come on, I'll set you up with Arth. I'll pay you! What do you mean "what's the benefit of that?" Break his spirit! 
(Kramer)

I could just stab him right now! (Kramer, talking about Virginia Dynasty)

Kramer: Look at him! So dynastic! He's an imperialist now. He goes from event to event raping and pillaging, pillaging 
and raping. 

Mr. Karpyn: Will you let it go already!

What is this, an inhaler? What's next? Do you have cataracts? Do you have anything wrong with your eyes? Are your 
eyes afflicted with cataracts? They are? Good. (Kramer, to Wil, I think.)

The past doesn't exist. It doesn't matter. If that's not true, then bring me something from the past. (Kramer)

Wil, if you don't file, I'll break your ankles! (Kramer)

Bring stuff to tear or I'll tear your stuff. (Kramer)

We need some sort of hazing-we're seniors. It's not the speech team without hazing...though, we've never had hazing before this, so I guess that means we never had a speech team. (Kramer)

Yes, I'm sure my name is Jessica...my parents were hippies.. yes, in the 80s. (Kramer. He said he would try to speak for me and was acting out what would happen when a judge questioned him.)

Ben

Kramer: I moved the files closer to the cheerleaders. 

Ben: Oh crap! They just looked at me!

Ben: Shut up, Kramer!

Kramer: Why don't you go die!

Kramer: We got the cookies in our files. (Ben had stolen the cookies from the cafeteria at a competition)

Ben: Yea, Bush's Fudge Factory Plan. Domestic. (They were hidden in the Domestic files)

Kramer: Look at it go! There's no friction!

Ben: Kramer, you're an idiot. Of course there's friction. Why do you think it's slowing down? (Talking about a little plastic eye they kicked down the hall)

Shut up Freshman!  Shut up Wil!  (Ben, x1000)

Wil, aka Freshman

You guys get to sit down! You're so much lucky! (A moment later) My English are bad today. (Wil. Extempers have to stand while they speak.. Commentators get to sit down.)

I spoke for a minute and thirty seconds...I saw the five card.. they started with 7. (Wil)

I'm going to act like Stuart (from Mad TV) for the rest of the day. (Wil)

I don't want to be here! (Wil, at a competition)

Susquehanna quotes

Lately, I've been telling everyone that my parents are assassins for the CIA and that I live in a bunker. There's this website where you can get satellite pictures of everyone's home. (Kramer)

First I went to Switchboard (a website) and got her address. Then I got directions from Mapquest (another site) and then I got a satellite picture of her house and sent it all to her. (Kramer, talking about how he found information where a girl from Haverford, Nina, lived.)

For as much as our society has progressed, there's always Mustang Sally. She's the constant in a variable world. 
(Kramer. I don't want to have to explain Mustang Sally...)

(I think Kramer said this. It could have been Ben)
Kramer: You got that book for 50 cents?

Wil or Chris: Yea.

Kramer: For that price you could use it for toilet paper. 

Wil or Chris: Yea, but it would be awfully abrasive. (yea, I don't remember who actually had this conversation, but...oh well.)

Me: Your shoes are untied- be careful.

Kramer: I know. I'd rather kill myself. 

Erica: Did you just lose (the poker game)?

Wil: Yea. Anybody wanna go play air hockey?

Ben: Wil, this the part where you put your money on the table. 

Jess, good luck with this joker (Wil) next year. (Ben)

Wil, if you're high on life, I'm going to end your addiction! Shut up! (Ben)

You look like a hick. (Ben, talking to Dan (I think), who was wearing his new Hoss's Hat)

I hit my shin against this metal part...this metal part that feels metally and hard. (I think Wil said this, but I can't remember)

Hi Mom.. Hi Dad... (Wil...every two hours, like clockwork)

Beware. Heavy Traffic. (reading a road sign.) There's one car on the road! (Wil)

Dan! Get up, Dan! Get up now! Dan! (Lauren, beating Dan awake...One of the funniest things I've ever seen)

Oh great. I'm in a room with people who don't like to kill animals. Jess, do you eat meat? (Allie)

Mama, Mr. Karpyn called it magic juice... I thought it was Kool Aid...tasted a little funny, though. (Jim)

Look, the US Pot Office! (the building was missing the S). I'm glad they're supplying it directly to us now. (Chris, who took a million pictures with the best digital camera ever made. It's huge, has an awesome zoom, and saves pictures on 
floppy discs.)

Erica: I'm driving!

Mr. Karpyn: No you're not!

A word about the car ride to Susquehanna: First, of all, we could hardly fit everyone in the car. Miraculously, we did, though Jim had to sit on the wheel cap (This was a couple hour trip) Also, our luggage was piled so high that it blocked the entire rear window. Keeping that in mind...

Erica: Doc is coming? Why isn't he is this car? 

Allie: Erica wants Doc to sit on her lap!

Kramer: In case we need to kick someone out, let's take an advance vote: Wil. All in favor? (Everybody) All opposed? (Wil only raises his hand.) 

Mr. Karpyn: Guys, we're violating so many laws right now, so think good thoughts because I don't want to get fired. 

We're going to the chapel and we're gonna leave Susquehanna! (Kramer)

(**Any changes or corrections, let me know)