| Lizzy's Story |
| It was the middle of the school year In the middle of the night The phone rang really loudly And I reached to hit the light The display listed your number But it was your mother on the phone She said, "Phil, have you seen Lizzy? She hasn't come back home." I asked her where you went She said she didn't know She said you mumbled something Like it was time for you to go You left the house at midnight She thought you'd be back soon You liked to take midnight drives And sit beneath the moon But now it was four in the morning And your cell phone was on your bed She thought maybe you weren't out driving And you'd come to my place instead It wasn't unusual for us to talk for hours Our conversations were always deep So she figured maybe you were with me And had maybe just fallen asleep But when I told her you weren't with me And I hadn't seen you since class got out She was suddenly very worried And her mind was filled with doubt I assured her that you were okay You probably just fell asleep in your car While you were lying on the hood Making a wish on a star I told her I'd go out and look for you I knew your favorite locations But as I got into my car I was troubled By one of our last conversations Walking down the halls after class You had just gotten a really bad score On the exam that you had just taken You said you couldn't take it anymore You had told me you were tired Of always giving it your best And never getting anywhere You just wanted to take a rest You'd been trying for so long And still nothing came out right It just took so much energy You were tired of the fight I told you not to worry And I kissed you on the cheek I promised you in the morning Things wouldn't look so bleak You smiled at me, agreeing That everything would be okay So I said goodbye to you for now And we went our separate ways I drove across the city And up to the top of Point Mist Knowing you liked to think there While you stared into the abyss The closer I got to the Point The more I felt something was wrong So I drove a little faster And I got there before long Your car was nowhere in sight But there was a tension in the air I parked on the side of the road I was sure that you were there Then I saw the broken guardrail And the skid marks in the street As I peered over the side below I felt my heart skip a beat There was your car in the canyon Battered and flipped on its side The driver's window was spiderwebbed But I could see you still inside I dialed nine-one-one And an ambulance was on its way Then I climbed into the canyon Without any further delay The tires were still slowly spinning The engine still had heat When I opened up the door You were still buckled in the seat I was afraid that you were dead As your head drooped to its side But when I pulled you from the car You opened up your eyes You were struggling to breathe And there was blood across your face You were shaking from fear and cold I just held you in my embrace You said, "Phil, what are you doing here? I was supposed to die alone." I asked what you were talking about But you just asked me for my phone I asked you what number to dial And you said to call your mother I handed you my cell phone And you simply said you loved her She was crying on the other end But that was all that you could say I told your mom about the accident And I said that she should pray We waited for help to come You pressed against my chest I kissed you on the forehead That was when you confessed "Phil, I've got something to tell you This wasn't an accident I didn't swerve off the road by chance I drove off with conscious intent "I can't take the way things are anymore I'm tired of struggling along I'm sorry things have to be this way I know what I did was wrong. "Please forgive me if you can, Phil I always tried to be true." I said, "Hang on a little longer, Liz." And you said softly, "I'll always love you." Then your entire body convulsed The pain was so intense You had acted on an impulse And never thought of the consequence When your body had stopped shaking I was afraid that you were dead And I regretted every single thing I never did and never said I should have told you I loved you And that you mean the world to me I should have been waiting to catch you I should have been the first to see I knew something was wrong But I didn't give it a second thought When you assured me you were okay And then I just plain forgot Lizzy, how come you didn't tell me That you were down, still feeling blue You know I would have helped you Why didn't I just check up on you You opened your eyes again I breathed a sigh of relief You seemed reassured to see me In your eyes I could see your grief You closed your eyes again, slowly And I brushed away that tear That dared to taint your beautiful face The only evidence of your fear "Lizzy, did you think what you were doing? Or about the people you'd leave behind? Lizzy, don't you know I need you here--?" And then strange thought struck my mind Lizzy, why were you wearing your seatbelt If you really, truly wanted to die If you were happy to be leaving this world Why did you start to cry But I didn't ask the questions Because I already knew the reply "Phil, I don't think I was thinking. Phil, please don't let me die." I heard the sirens of the ambulance Help was on its way "I'm sorry I have to leave you, Phil. I wish that I could stay." I asked you to hang on if you could As I slowly got to my feet Every movement hurt you I could almost feel your heart slow its beat Your eyes were still open and watching But I could feel you growing cold And before it happened I already knew How the rest of the story would be told You were still, but I was trembling As I struggled to bear this load I carried you out of the canyon We met the paramedics by the road It took all my strength and energy I knew I had to stay composed But I was on the verge of breaking down Every inch of my soul exposed You didn't seem to notice You were eerily serene As the medic stuck you with needles And hooked you up to a machine I held you the whole ride to the hospital To remind you I was near I kept begging for you to hang on But you didn't seem to hear You were fading in and out of consciousness The paramedic shook his head They rushed you through the ER doors Your life hanging by a thread I paced outside the trauma room All I could do was wait I already knew the outcome I knew it was too late The doctor came out to speak to me The look on his face wasn't good He said that he was very sorry That they did everything they could Your mom arrived at the hospital And broke down into tears She held her baby one last time This had been her greatest fear Your dad had died ten years ago And was always just your mom and you Now that it was her, alone She didn't know what to do She said to me, "I don't understand Lizzy didn't deserve to die Did I do something that's very wrong? I just don't understand why..." I didn't tell your mother How you took your own precious life It was enough for her to lose you I refused to add to her strife "Maybe we're running low on angels And Liz was first to join the ranks Maybe instead of shedding tears We should instead be giving thanks." I didn't believe a word I said But I hoped it helped your mom She wearily sunk into a chair Took a deep breath, and was calm Then she looked at me and smiled "You were with her until the end That means so much to me, and her Phil, you are truly her best friend "Did you know how much she loved you? She was always telling me You were the one person she could count on She was right, as you can see." I didn't realize I was crying Until I found I couldn't speak So I simply slowly leaned over you And placed one last kiss on your cheek We buried you the next Sunday Not a single cloud in the sky White roses around your casket So many came to say goodbye For a long time I just stood there Though everyone else had gone I don't know how to keep on living I'm still not sure I can carry on Lizzy, I just can't understand Why you didn't pick up the phone I would've met you at the Point Why did you go out there alone Why didn't you want to talk to me What was it you couldn't say I wish I could've helped you We could've found another way Lizzy, life was never supposed to be easy We always knew it'd be tough I thought I made you happy I guess I just wasn't enough I don't know what I could've done To make the world easier for you to bear Did you know I would have done anything Lizzy, why is life so unfair Would anything have made a difference Or would everything wind up the same My world has fallen completely apart And there's no one for me to blame I can't be angry with you For giving up or losing hope And I can't be bitter at the rest of the world For pushing the envelope I can't get rid of the guilt I feel Because I should've done something more I can't see through the same eyes I had Nothing can be as it was before You were the best friend that I ever had You decided you didn't want to live And I didn't even know it Is that something that you can forgive I was supposed to know you best Lizzy, did I know you at all I was the one that was supposed to catch If ever you were to fall I wasn't the person I should've been I was absent in your hour of need I was a complete and miserable failure When it was vital that I succeed I'm sorry I didn't see it coming I'm sorry I wasn't aware I'm so sorry I couldn't save you, Liz I'm so sorry I wasn't there. |
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| For Phil... and for Lizzy. Check on the people about whom you care. If you have a feeling something wrong, something probably is. It never hurts to ask. It let's someone know you're concerned. And sometimes that's all they need. But they do need it. They need to know they are not forgotten, they are not unwanted, they are not unloved. The teeth are smiling, but is the heart? If there is any doubt, check. Often, it's the ones who always appear to be okay that most need you to ask. Talk to people you love and trust. They love you. That's all that really matters. Don't be afraid to face them. Don't be afraid to tell them. They want to help you. And they can. If you let them. |