Exctasy Arcade Season 2 Episode 19 "A Mother's Love part 2... The Honeymoon" Due to sexual content (it is the honeymoon), this episode is rated MA... Last time on EXCTASY ARCADE!!!! (Jackie goes to the door. He opens it up. It's Russ.... And Jackie's Mom.... Russ has on a tux and Jackie's Mom has on a wedding dress.) Russ - HEY SON! (Jackie passes out on the spot.) Jackie's Mom - I knew he'd take it hard... But not this hard... Russ - Yeah.. Well... he'll get over it. Lets go on our honeymoon now. I can't wait for you to see my 1/2 inch pe.... (RJ comes running up and interupts Russ.) RJ - HEY! Jackie's Mom - What... RJ - I have some bad news. Jackie's Mom - What...? RJ - Your honeymoon plans have been cancelled. Jackie's Mom - Why? (Russ' mom comes walking up.) Russ' Mom - Your honeymoon plans have been cancelled... Because... I'm taking your tickets and I'm going on MY honeymoon. Russ - But mom... You didn't just get married. Russ' Mom - Yes I did. (Russ' mom puts her arm around RJ and they start making out.) Jackie's Mom - Didn't see this coming... Russ - Oh.. snap... (Russ tries to cover his eyes.) ______________________________________________ And now.... The conclusion..... (Russ' mom and RJ are still making out. Russ can't take it anymore. He screams.) Russ - AH! (Russ' mom stops kissing RJ. She looks over at Russ.) Russ' Mom - Russell... I've found happiness, just like you've found happiness... What's wrong? Russ - It's.. It's... SICK. Russ' Mom - AND HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL ABOUT YOU?!?!?! Russ - Yeah... I guess.. Oh mom. We are so silly. Russ' Mom - Yes we are... Russ - Wanna ditch these two losers and go for ice creme? Russ' Mom - YEAH! That would be nice. (Russ and Russ' mom head off for ice creme. RJ and Jackie's mom are left standing.) RJ - Well... That sucks. Jackie's Mom - Yeah. RJ - Wanna do it? Jackie's Mom - Ok. *fade to black* *a few seconds later* ("Days Go By" by Dirty Vegas begins to play. We see RJ and Jackie's Mom in Jackie's bed getting it on........ 4 seconds later.... RJ rolls over.) RJ - Man that was good. Jackie's Mom - What was good? RJ - What we just did. Jackie's Mom - ummmm.... RJ - What? Jackie's Mom - All I felt was that toothpick you were playing around with. RJ - ....... Jackie's Mom - Oh.... (RJ's face is red. He gets up and runs off crying.) Jackie's Mom - Woah is me... Alone again. (Just then Jason comes in...) Jason - Crikey! What kind of creature are you? Jackie's Mom - Come a little closer and I'll show you. (Jason walks closer) *fade to black* *a few seconds later* ("Days Go By" by Dirty Vegas begins to play. We see Jason and Jackie's Mom in Jackie's bed trying to get it on..... an hour later...) Jackie's Mom - Um..... Jason - What? Jackie's Mom - Do you even know what you are doing? Jason - I'm not going into that jungle. There's no telling what kind of wild creatures are there. Jackie's Mom - *smack* how dare you! Jason - How dare me?!?!? CRIKEY! (Jason walks away.) Jackie's Mom - I feel so unloved. (Just then Ozzie Canseco comes strolling in.) Ozzie Canseco - I hear you want it... Jackie's Mom - You got it? Ozzie Canseco - Oh yeah baby... *fade to black* *a few seconds later* ("Days Go By" by Dirty Vegas begins to play. We see Ozzie Canseco and Jackie's mom... But... Ozzie is running out.) Jackie's Mom - Ozzie, come back. Ozzie Canseco - *covering himself up* This has never happened to me before, I promise. Jackie's Mom - OZZIE! WAIT! ugh..... alone once more. What could happen next? (Toby Keith comes walking in.) Toby Keith - Howdy Ma'am. I hear you looking for a real man. Jackie's Mom - Oh Toby... Toby Keith - Oh Jackie's mom... *fade to black* *a few seconds later* ("I Wanna Talk About Me" by Toby Keith begins to play. Toby Keith and Jackie's mom are going at it....................) (screen goes blank.... color bars..... Please standby.) (about 30 seconds later) (Jackie appears on the screen.) Jackie - Ok... I've had enough. Jon has talked bad about my mother long enough. I can't stand it anymore. So now I present to you... MY VERSION... of Exctasy Arcade... We will call it Jackie's Exctasy Arcade... Boy I'm smart. (Jackie disappears.) (fade to black) (fade back in) (We see Jon on the screen.) Jon - No.... No..... No..... It doesn't work that way.. It works like this: (Jon disappears.) (fade back in.) (Jackie's mom and Toby Keith are through doing it. Jackie's Mom is smoking a cigarette and Toby Keith is finishing up eating a foot long sub.) Toby Keith - Damn that was good. Jackie's Mom - Yeah it was... Toby Keith - Oh, I was talking about the sub. Jackie's Mom - *sigh* ______________________________________________ (At the ice creme place.) Russ - Oh mom. Why did I ever fall for Jackie's mom? Russ' mom - she's a ho Russ. Plain and simple a.... Oh my god look at that hot hunk of man over there. I'm gonna go try and **** him. Russ - .... (Russ' mom gets up and walks over to the hot hunk of man.) Russ' Mom - Hey there... *in a sultry voice* Hot Hunk of Man - Hello! Wow! Don't you just look fabulous in that outfit! Oh my god! Where did you get it? Russ' Mom - ... Hot Hunk of Man - What? Russ' Mom - Are you....? Hot Hunk of Man - Totally! *flips wrist down* Russ' Mom - Will I ever be happy? (Russ' Mom sits back down with Russ. She puts her head down on the table.) Russ - Oh mom. Cheer up.. Russ' Mom - What's the use. Russ - You are.... a fine woman.... you will eventually find true happiness. Russ' Mom - I don't know... I just don't know... *tears* Russ - There there mom.... (Just then the hot hunk of man walks up to the table.) Hot Hunk of Man - Excuse me. (Russ' mom looks up.) Hot Hunk of Man - Is that your son? He sure is cute... Russ - *blush* (The hot hunk of man winks at Russ and walks away.) Russ' Mom - He likes you. Russ - *blushing* I know.... t-hehehehhe... Russ' Mom - Maybe you should.... Nevermind. Russ - What? Russ' Mom - Nothing... Russ - What is it mom? Russ' Mom - Maybe you should...... be gay? Russ - *ponders* You know... A great big penis would be nice right about now. *dramatic pause* Russ - I mean a great big ice creme cone sure would be nice right now. *crickets chirping* Russ - Oh to hell with it... I'm not gay... Russ' Mom - Are you sure son? Russ - I'll prove it! Russ' Mom - And how will you do that? Russ - You'll see in the next episode! ______________________________________________ (on the set of The Golden Girls reunion special) Betty White - Damn it. I can't believe I lost my beaver. I tried to get that nice young man to help me find it, but he just couldn't do it. I miss my beaver. The woman who played Blanche - I never miss my beaver. I play with it every night. Bea Arthur - Oh Rose. I mean Betty... Don't worry about your beaver. I'm sure it is safe... Betty White - Oh I don't know.. I just hope my beaver doesn't get out in the rain and get all wet. The woman who played Blanche - Mine is much better when it gets wet. (Jason, minus his nose, storms in holding Betty White's beaver.) Jason - CRIKEY! Look what I found! Betty White - Oh! My beaver! You found my beaver! Jason - Yes I did! Betty White - Is my beaver ok? It isn't hurt is it? Jason - No, but once I cornered your beaver I fell on top of it and started pounding your beaver. That way your beaver wouldn't bite me again. Betty White - You pounded my beaver!!! The woman who played Blanche - All this talk is making me.... Well.. Excuse me. Jason - Yeah. I pounded your beaver until it couldn't take it anymore. I pounded it over and over and over again. The little bloak took of me nose. Betty White - I can't believe you abused my beaver. Jason - I hope you got your beaver its shots, cause if I get some sort of funky disease from your beaver, I'm going to be very angry! Betty White - Oh don't worry. I clean my beaver every night. I'm more worried that my beaver will get something from you. Jason - Crikey?! From me... Betty White - Yes you. You sick... sick... little man. Bea Arthur - Calm down you two. Now Betty, he did return you your beaver, shouldn't you be happy? Betty White - Well... I guess. I'm sorry I got so angry at you. Jason - Oh shucks. It's ok. Betty White - Is there anything I can do for you? Jason - Well... I did lose me lizard... Bea Arthuer - ... Betty White - ... ______________________________________________ *Over at the arcade* (Jennifer is playing DDR. Brine walks up carrying his trusty ol' horse Riggy. His mom is with him. Jennifer gets done playing. She turns around and sees Brine.) Jennifer - Hey Brine. Brine - Hey Jennifer. Brine's Mom - Hey. Riggy - *horse sound* Brine - Sup. Jennifer - Not much. Brine's Mom - Cool. Riggy - *horse sound* (Kenny, Oakwood, and Adrian walk up.) Kenny - Yo. Brine - Sup. Oakwood - Not much. Adrian - Cool. (James walks up.) James - Yo. Kenny - Sup. Jennifer - Not much. Brine - Cool. (A large buzzsaw comes streaking through the mall and chops off Adrian's head.) Brine - Oh My God. Kenny - They killed Adrian. Oakwood - Damn that was smooth. (Melanie rushes over with some paper towels to clean up all the blood and stuff.) Kenny - *looks down at Melanie's ass* Wow.... Look at that ass. Oakwood - Dude, she's cleaning up Adrian's blood. Kenny - So.... Just look at that ass. (Melanie gets up, she looks at Kenny. *smack*) Brine - Oh my god. Jennifer - She smacked Kenny. Oakwood - This is getting old...... *fin* ______________________________________________