Exctasy Arcade Season 2 Episode 18 "A Mother's Love part 1... The Wedding" ("Get Away" by Earshot begins to play... We see Jackie in a small secluded room. He has a bunch of three liter bottles... He is sitting in a corner with lots of tin foil on the floor around him. He is making little tin foil balls. He has a weird strange look on his face. He continues making little tin foil balls..... Just then his room mate opens the door to the small secluded room.) Adam - Hey Jackie... Ummm..... Bubba is coming over tonight so could you.... well... You know..... set up the video camera? Jackie - VIDEO CAMERA?!?!? YEAH!!!! SURE!!!! WHY NOT!!!! MWHHAHHAAHAHAH!!! Adam - You ok? You seemed really stressed out. Jackie - ME?!?! Stressed out? NO! NEVER! I'M HAPPY! (Jackie walks over and pushes play on a cd player. Clown music begins to play. Jackie starts dancing around.) Jackie - HAPPY!!!! HEHEHEHEHEHHE!!!! Adam - Ok.... Just set that camera up.... Ok... (Adam leaves.) Jackie - Oh... I'll set up the camera all right..... AND I'LL MAKE SURE EVERYONE SEES YOU AND BUBBA HAVING HOT WILD ANA................ ****WE INTERUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU THE NEWS!!!**** Channel 69 News Anchorwoman Touchaloto Boobays - This is Touchalota Boobays reporting live here for Channel 69. We have a late breaking story.... It appears as if the Regions Bank next to Madison Square Mall has been quarantined.... One of the workers.... Apparently a woman named Helen has contracted the dreaded Jacaloopaso disease. Everyone currently inside the bank will have to stay there until further notice..... Anchorman Eyewanna C. Newdmen - Today.... In the Tennessee Valley... A horrible act was caught on tape... Roll that tape.... (A video starts up. We see a small boy eating ice creme in a local ice creme store. A catholic priest walks up to the kid. He sits down besides him. He puts his hand on his the little boy's leg.) Catholic Priest - Nice weather we are having... Little Boy - Touch my penis and die you son of a bitch... Catholic Priest - ... (Back to the newsdesk.) Anchorman Eyewanna C. Newdman - The little boy was immediately arrested and taken to juvenile prison where he faces 73 counts of harassing a catholic priest and 64 counts of public intoxication. What are our young children doing these days... What a shame..... We have 12 murders from a serial killer reported today but first... lets take a look at the weather. (The camera cuts to the weatherman. It's Donald Trump. He is eating a honey bun.) Donald Trump - Oh... *chewing*... Um..... Yeah... It's either going to rain, be sunny, or cloudy.... Now back to... *swallow* you..... Anchorwoman Touchaloto Boobays - Now for sports!!! With Justin N. Breeder... Justin N. Breeder - Thank you Touchaloto.... Today.... was a big day in sports... Today.... A lot of teams won.. A lot of teams lost... but you know what really matters the most? The fact that it doesn't matter if they win or lose... It's how they play the game. Back to you Touchaloto..... Anchorwoman Touchaloto Boobays - So true.... So true.... Well. That's all the time we have for now... Have a good day.. A good night... And a spectacular tomorrow... We will see you again at 7:30, 8:15, 8:45, 9:05, 9:11, 9:42, 10:00, 10:46, and 11:19 to give you all your local news needs!!! Until then!!! LATER..... **BACK TO THE SHOW** Jason - Crikey! Me bloody nose is gone... That damned beaver took it!!! I'll catch Betty White's beaver... and when I do... I'm gonna pound it until I can't pound anymore... I'm gonna teach Betty White's beaver a lesson. I hope her beaver is ready for a good thrashing. Everyone - .... ______________________________________________ *the next day* ("Here comes the Bride" begins to play. We see some little white chapel somewhere in the middle of nowhere. The camera cuts inside the church... There we see Russ, with a bandaged head waiting for his soon to be wife, Jackie's Mom, to walk down the aisle. Just then....... HERE SHE COMES!!!! She is being led down the aisle by Ozzie and Jose Canseco. She walks up to Russ. She looks in his eyes. He looks in her eyes.) Priest - Today... We are gathered here... to watch the marriage of.... Mister Southerland... And Mrs. Jackie's Mom. I believe you two have written your own vows... Is that correct? Russ - Yes... Jackie's Mom - Yes... (Russ pulls out a piece of paper. He looks over at RJ, Kenny, Adrian, Oakwood, Brine, Taco, Scott, Drew, Papa Smurf, Mr. T, Donald Trump, Lassie, Otis Spunkmeyer, Gaurav, Reggie, Keith Adams, Mr. Hakky, Brandon, Mr. Hayes, Totem Pole Johnson, James, Wes Baker, Bruce Vilanch, and the dude that played Dober from Coach. He gives them all a big thumbs up. He smiles. He opens up the piece of paper.... He looks.... upset.. he looks around.. he reaches in every pocket.) RJ - What's wrong Russ? Russ - The vows.... I... sorta lost them... Kenny - Then what's that? (Russ drops the piece of paper in his hands... The camera zooms in on it... It appears to be a grocery list.) Russ - Ah. To hell with it. I know what I want to say. And it comes from the heart... Jackie's Mom... I love the way you look at me... I love the way you smack my ass... I love the dirty things you do... I have control of you... The first time I laid eyes on you, I knew, that you..... you were the one for me... I..... Just can't wait to be.... Mr. Jackie's Dad!!! (Brief pause.... Not a dry eye in the room.) Jackie's Mom - Oh Russ.... I had prepared what I wanted to say too... But to hell with it. I will speak from my heart.... Jackie's mom's heart... Russell David Southerland..... I had always dreamed that someone like you would come into my life. You are so wonderful..... oh to hell with.... Lets just get married.... And go off on our honeymoon and make Jackie's Little Sister!!! Priest - Ok.... So... Ummm..... Lets hurry this along... I have some hot young boys in the back waiting for me to teach them the right way of life... So... Unless anyone has any objections over this marriage.... I guess I now pronounce you.... (The church door busts open... IT'S JACKIE!!!! He is dressed as Santa Claus. He has a large red bag over his shoulder.) Jackie - HO HO HO... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! (Jackie drops the bag.... He pulls out a 3 liter bottle... He shakes it up a lot and tosses it down the aisle....) Priest - What in the little boys pants.... *BOOM* (A large explosion..... Everyone starts to scream. People start running out of the church. Jackie is walking up the isle. Russ is shaking. Jackie's Mom has a stern look on her face. Jackie walks up to them.) Jackie - I OBJECT!!!! Jackie's Mom - OVER RULED!!! Jackie - ... Jackie's Mom - ... (Just then a beaver comes running into the church. The beaver is followed by Betty White. Betty White is followed by Jason.) Betty White - Damn it! All I want is my beaver! Come back here! I just want to pet you and play with you! Jason - Come back here you little booger. You bit off me nose. I'm gonna pop you a good one Betty White's beaver! (They run by Jackie, Jackie's Mom, and Russ and into the back of the church. They keep running. Past the little boys... Past the priest's office..... Past the priest's secret photo developing room.... Past the stairs that led to the priest's secret "dungeon where bad little boys go to be punished"... They run out of the back of the church... Past the FBI as they are just about to raid the church... Out into some woods behind the church. The beaver gains some distance between himself and Betty White... Jason is gaining on Betty White. They run past some bunnies... some birds... some wolves... some crazy homeless man having sex with a tree... there's an owl... ooohhhhh... a snake... what's that? A wild boar... Jason has caught up to Betty White. He tackles her down to the ground.) Betty White - AHHHHHH!!!!!! (Jason hogties Betty White.) Jason - Atleast I caught you, you little monster. Betty White - Get your filthy hands off of me you freak. Jason - I'm not a freak! You're the one who wanted me to catch your beaver. Betty White - That's not the beaver I wanted you to catch.... Jason - ..... ______________________________________________ *back at the church* Jackie's Mom - Why can't you understand......... I..... I love him. Jackie - How can you love..... that? *pointing to Russ* Russ - Racist! Jackie's Mom - He is.... What I want in life. He is..... My dream come true. He is..... My little dream boat. Jackie - That makes me sick. Russ - Racist! Jackie's Mom - Why can't you let me be happy? Jackie - ...... Russ - Oh come on. Let true love find its course.... Jackie - ..... Jackie's Mom - So, can we.... Do we have your blessing? (Jackie pulls out another 3 liter bottle... It has some liquid in it... He opens it up... He throws some tinfoil balls in it.... He shakes it up... HE GRABS RUSS!!!) Russ - AH! (He stretches Russ' pants... He shoves the bottle down the front of Russ' pants. He pulls out some rope and ties Russ pants to him!!! He then ties Russ to a pew.) Jackie's Mom - NO! NO! NO! (Jackie takes some more bottles.... he shakes them up and sets them all around Russ. He walks off laughing.) Jackie's Mom - NO! MY RUSS! NO! (Jackie's Mom tries to grab the bottles away from Russ. BAM! It's too late, the one in Russ' pants explodes. Russ cries out in pain as his genitals are destroyed. Just then the one in Jackie's Mom's hand goes off... Her hand goes flying across the church and smacks Jackie in the back of the head. He turns around. He looks down and sees his mother's hand... He looks up... Tears are coming from his eyes...) (Just then Jackie wakes up in his tiny little secluded room. Someone is banging on his door.) Jackie - What a horrible dream. (Jackie goes to the door. He opens it up. It's Russ.... And Jackie's Mom.... Russ has on a tux and Jackie's Mom has on a wedding dress.) Russ - HEY SON! (Jackie passes out on the spot.) Jackie's Mom - I knew he'd take it hard... But not this hard... Russ - Yeah.. Well... he'll get over it. Lets go on our honeymoon now. I can't wait for you to see my 1/2 inch pe.... (RJ comes running up and interupts Russ.) RJ - HEY! Jackie's Mom - What... RJ - I have some bad news. Jackie's Mom - What...? RJ - Your honeymoon plans have been cancelled. Jackie's Mom - Why? (Russ' mom comes walking up.) Russ' Mom - Your honeymoon plans have been cancelled... Because... I'm taking your tickets and I'm going on MY honeymoon. Russ - But mom... You didn't just get married. Russ' Mom - Yes I did. (Russ' mom puts her arm around RJ and they start making out.) Jackie's Mom - Didn't see this coming... Russ - Oh.. snap... (Russ tries to cover his eyes.) *to be continued* "Quicksand" by Finger Eleven from the Cd: Tip slow sinking feeling kills the mood you're conveying and it pulls me far down below it might be best if you go can it not wait and hope for the best will it not stop a while to rest i need to get up yeah I need to get up never mind cause i've done enough cause the world waits around but i keep slipping and losing ground do i not try so hard so good i can't keep changing just because you think i should said all i need to and you don't understand still wish you saw picture my mind's eyes are deep and they're cynical one taken four more kills the pain healing that sore i've taken what's left i took it all and now you won't let me forget forget forget now that the world waits around but i keep slipping and losing ground do i not try so hard so good i can't keep changing just because you think i should stop you're talking down i lack the strength to sit or stand i lost my self confidence in the quicksand in the quicksand in the quicksand in the quicksand not now or ever sink slowly my treasure not now or ever sink slowly my treasure not now or ever sink slowly my treasure not now not now not now not now cause the world waits around but i keep slipping and losing ground do i not try so hard so good i can't keep changing just because you think i should