Exctasy Arcade Episode 17 Season 2 "You're Such An Inspiration For the Ways That I Will Never Ever Choose to Be" ______________________________________________ LAST TIME WE LEFT YOU ON....... EXCTASY ARCADE: RJ - I heard you were getting married Russ. Russ - I am... to Jackie's Mom. RJ - Wow. She's hot. Jackie's Mom - *blush* AND (Taco swings at Scott and lands a right punch righ on the side of his face. Scott falls down.) Sarah - TACO! Karisa - Like ouch! Taco - I.E.I. AND (Donald Trump walks up eating a honey bun.) Donald Trump - Hey... *chewing* Anybody know of a good place to buy lawn darts? Everyone - ... AND NOW..... The story continues.... ______________________________________________ *The Arcade* Jackie - LAWN DARTS?!??! How can you think of LAWN DARTS at a time like this. My mother is going to marry...... RUSS?!?! Donald Trump - Oh. *chewing*. Well, I was just in the mood for some lawn darts. Jackie - YOU SON OF A... (Jackie charges at Donald Trump and tackles him down to the floor. He starts punching away at him. Donald is screaming.) Donald Trump - JUST DON'T HURT THE HONEY BUN!! (Jackie's Mom rushes over and pulls her son off of Donald. She smacks him.) Jackie's Mom - JACKIE! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!? Jackie - Damn it Mom... I just can't take it anymore. (Russ walks up to Jackie.) Russ - Now listen boy... I am going to be your father soon and things are going to have to change around here. Jackie - AHHHHHHH!!!!!! (Jackie charges at Russ. He hits him and sends him flying back into Podracer. Russ hits the back of his head on the pod. He is out cold.) Jackie's Mom - RUSSELL!!!!!! Kenny - Oh my god... Did he...? (Everyone gathers around Russ. Jackie walks away laughing.) Russ's Mom - Oh Russ. See bitch. This is what you caused. Jackie's Mom - Oh don't start with me. Russ's Mom - Whatchu goin' do biatch? Jackie's Mom - OH.... NO.... Tell me you didn't just say that. Russ's Mom - THAT... Jackie's Mom - OH!!!!!!!!! (Jackie's Mom and Russ's Mom start figthing again. Paramedics rush in to check on Russ. Police rush in to break up Jackie's Mom and Russ's Mom.) Oakwood - Hey. Kenny - What. Oakwood - Lets go get something to eat. This is getting boring. Kenny - Ok. Adrian - Cool. (Oakwood, Kenny, and Adrian walk off..... The only people left in the arcade: Russ's Mom, Jackie's Mom, Russ, Melanie, Donald Trump, Ozzie Canseco, and RJ.) RJ - Hey Ozzie, wanna go play DDR. Ozzie Canseco - Sure. ______________________________________________ *Russ's House* (Karisa and Sarah are holding ice on Scott's face.) Karisa - Like are you totally ok Scott? Scott - Ow.... Taco - I sorry. I don't know what came over me. Sarah - Bad taco. Taco - C. : ( Mr. T - What the hell is going on here? Karisa - Like it's totally Mr. T. Like why are you so here? Mr. T - Did you not read the last episode little girl? I pity the fool who didn't read the last episode to keep up with what's going on. Karisa - Like oh yeah.. You.... Ummmm.... ewwwww..... like.... Mr. T - Yeah, I banged Russ's mom. She was good to. I pity the fool who don't bang Russ's Mom. Taco - : ( Papa Smurf - Hey T. Mr. T - What Smurf. Papa Smurf - Want to go driving around and look for chicks? Mr. T - I dunno Smurf. It takes me 6 days afterwards to be able to do it again. *pause* Papa Smurf - ... Mr. T - What? Papa Smurf - ... Sarah - HEY GUYS! Maybe you can all go and play some DDR! Mr. T - D.D.R? Papa Smurf - I'm too small to play. Sarah - That's not what Smurfette says. Papa Smurf - *blush* Mr. T - Lets go see this. D.D.R. (Mr. T, Papa Smurf, Sarah, Karisa, Taco, Scott, Brine, and Schu all head off to the mall.) ______________________________________________ ("Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground" by The White Stripes begins to play. We see inside Russ's head as he still lays unconcious on the arcade floor. We see pretty flowers and rainbows and naked men with long....... hair. Then we go to a meadow full of daisies, deer, rabbits, and various nude images of Jackie's Mom. We see Russ sitting on a throne wearing a crown.) Russ - YES. MY KINGDOM. This is where I rule! I am the greatest here! Oh! LOOK AT ME! I AM KING!!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!1 (Just then Kenny, Oakwood, Adrian, and Brine enter Russ's kingdom.) Russ - HALT! WHO GOES THERE! Oakwood - Oh great... Kenny - It's just us. Russ - US WHO?!?!? Adrian - Us... (Russ pulls out a sword and chops off Adrian's head.) Brine - Oh my god... Oakwood - He killed Adrian... Kenny - You bas.... *he chops off Kenny's head* Oakwood - Damn. That's one mean motherf...... *he chops off Oakwood's head* Brine - *cowering down*.... Please don't.... *he chops off Brine's head* Russ - I AM KING! I AM KING! Random Rabbit - This guy is a nutcase... Random Deer - Yeah he is... Lets get the hell out of here. Russ - I AM KING! I AM KING! ______________________________________________ *Mall* (Ozzie Canseco and RJ are playing DDR. Ozzie starts stomping hard on the left pad.) Ozzie Canseco - Damn it. It doesn't work. RJ - I know. HAHA. (Mr. T, Papa Smurf, Sarah, Karisa, Taco, Scott, Brine, and Schu all walk into the mall.) Mr. T - I pity the fool who play this game. (Mr. T jumps up on the pad and shoves Ozzie Canseco off of it. He starts stomping away.) Mr. T - Hey this is fun. (Just then Drew walks up. He looks around. He tries to find a part in the show. Jon thinks... Jon has a sick perverted idea!!! Drew pulls Smurfette from his pocket and kisses her.) Drew - Oh Smurfette... How I love thee. (Papa Smurf turns around.) Papa Smurf - What in smurfing hell? Smurfette - That's right Papa Smurf. I'm going to a different species! Papa Smurf - Over my dead smurf. Smurfette - Oh Papa Smurf, you just don't understand. *tears* Papa Smurf - Like smurf I don't. You just want to smurf him. Smurfette - *more tears* Papa Smurf - Now listen to me.. I forbid you to see him!!! Drew - How dare you!!! Papa Smurf - No.... How dare you!!! Drew - You can't stop us from seeing each other. Papa Smurf - Just smurfing try to see her again... Drew - *glare* Papa Smurf - *glare* Taco - I.E.I. (Just then Jason walks back in to the arcade. He is holding....... a beaver.) Jason - Crikey! Look what I have... Everyone - ......... Jason - It's Betty White's beaver. And as promised... I get to give it a big ol' wet kiss on the lips. (Jason kisses the beaver. It bites him in the face. He screams and drops the beaver. It runs off through the mall. Betty White comes running by.) Betty White - Damn it! Someone stop my beaver, it's getting away. Everyone - ....... Jason - Crikey! The little bloak took a chunk from me face. Papa Smurf - *glare* Drew - *glare* Jason - *blood pouring from his face* Could someone bring me a bloody wash cloth? ______________________________________________ *near the river* Matt Foley - Now listen here Mr. Chuck. I think in order for us to communicate better we need to make a few ground rules. Woodchuck - Ground rules? **** ground rules... Matt Foley - Now that's not the best way to look at things. *pulls up pants, pushes up glasses* Woodchuck - If you have a ******* problem with me then get the **** out of my sight. Matt Foley - And all that language... You are such a bad little woodchuck. Woodchuck - Alright. I've had it. (The Woodchuck walks over to Matt. He starts gnawing on his leg.) Matt Foley - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! OW! THAT HURTS! STOP IT! OW! YOU'RE GNAWING OFF MY LEG! STOP IT! DAMN YOU! (Matt starts slinging the woodchuck around.) Matt Foley - GET OFF MY LEG! OH MY GOD THE PAIN! (Finally the woodchuck releases and at the same time Matt slings him... he goes flying into the river.) Matt Foley - *looking down at his partially gnawed leg* Now that's gonna leave a mark. (The woodchuck swims off laughing.) Matt Foley - I'll get you you little bastard! And it this isn't going to be Caddy Shack. And I'm not going to be like Wil E. Coyote... I will get your..... (Just then a large anvil falls on Matt Foley. The anvil is labeled "Acme Anvil".) ______________________________________________ *At Jackie's place* (Jackie is seen lying motionless in the floor staring up at the ceiling. His hair is all messed up and he keep repeating the words "Must Die" over and over again. Just then his room mate walks in fresh from jail after brutally killing a panda bear.) Adam - Hey Jackie... Ummm.. What's wrong? Jackie - Must Die... Must Die... Must Die... Adam - Hey, I heard your mom was getting hitched to some skinny little asian boy. Jackie - Must Die... Must Die... Must Die... Adam - Yeah, well anyway... Just so you know... You have 3 days to move out, I found my true love in prison and he is moving in here. Jackie - Must Die... Must Die... Must Die... Adam - His name is Bubba... and when I dropped the soap it was love at first poke. Jackie - Must Die... Must Die... Must Die... Adam - Ok, well, I'm going in my room now to call Bubba and talk dirty to him. Jackie - Must Die... Must Die... Must Die... (Adam walks to his room, he steps over Jackie.) Jackie - Must Die... Must Die... Must Die... (Jackie's cat walks up to him.) Jackie's Cat - Meow. Jackie - Must Die... Must Die... Must Die... Jackie's Cat - Meow... Jackie - Must Die... Must Die... Must Die... (Jackie's cat pisses on Jackie.) Jackie's Cat - Meow. (Jackie stops repeating "Must Die"... He starts gagging.) Jackie - That's it..... It's time.... Time for a change.... And everyone.... I MEAN EVERYONE.... well except the greatest human being to ever be created Jon.... WILL PAY!!!! MWHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! *fin* "3 Libras" by A Perfect Circle from the Cd: Mer De Noms threw you the obvious and you flew with it on your back a name in your recollection, down among a million same. difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed and passed over when i've looked right through to see you naked but oblivious and you don't see me. but i threw you the obvious just to see if there's more behind the eyes of a fallen angel, eyes of a tragedy. here i am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded. but i see see through it all see through and see you. cause i threw you the obvious to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel, eyes of a tragedy. oh well. oh well. apparently nothing. apparently nothing at all. you don't you don't you don't see me. you don't you don't you don't see me. you don't you don't you don't see me. you don't you don't you don't see me. you don't...... see me you don't you don't you don't see me at all.