Exctasy Arcade Episode #8 "Running Around Nude in Traffic" Last time on EXCTASY ARCADE... Jason turned into Peter. The Evil Hyper-Curve was banished from Earth by RJ... for now. The Jackie Voodoo doll was revealed. A shocking revelation that James is pregnant. and Russ is now non-mexican! Now... For the show..... (Corny little theme song... Corny little intro...) 10:AM (Jackie opens the arcade. He looks around, surprised that no one is there to play DDR. The phone rings. He heads into the office to answer the phone.) Jackie - Hello... Ummm.... Yeah, Russ works today... Who is this? Peter...? Jason??? (Jackie hangs up the phone shaking his head.) Jackie - Why am I here.... (Just then we hear a beating on the door.) Jackie - Now what. (Jackie opens the door and there stands Drew and Jennifer. Jennifer has a trash bag in her hand.) Jennifer - Hey Jackie... Jackie - Hey. Jennifer - I just stopped by to give you this. (Jennifer hands Jackie the trash bag.) Jackie - What is this? Jennifer - Ummm... Just some things that I don't need anymore. (Jackie dumps the bag out on the floor. He then falls in the floor.) Jackie - What the.... (He looks over and sees that among the things in the bag is a voodoo doll, of him.) Jackie - What is this? Jennifer - Well... I made that in hopes it would help me get to you, but now, I see I can never have you because... well... you are gay. Jackie - I am? Jennifer - Yeah. Jackie - But I can't be gay. Jennifer - Why? Jackie - I like females. Jennifer - Did you not read "The End"? It says you become a gay pornstar and that's just nasty. I can't chase after someone that's..... gay. And to help you in the future, I bought you this. (Jennifer pulls out a pink feather boa. She hands it to Jackie.) Jennifer - Thanks for everything. I hope to see you around sometime... (Jennifer and Drew walk off. Just then an angry large lizard rips the roof of the mall off and grabs Jennifer. Everyone is screaming. The lizard slowly walks away.) Jackie - But I'm not gay... (Jackie hits the voodoo doll. His head jars back.) Jackie - Ow. ________________________________________________________________________ *Over at the hospital* Doctor Kevorkian - Say Jason. Jason - Peter. Doctor Kevorkian - Jason. Jason - Peter. Doctor Kevorkian - Jason. Jason - Peter. Doctor Kevorkian - SAY JASON OR ILL INJECT YOU WITH THIS DEATH SUBSTANCE! Jason - ...Jason Doctor Kevorkian - Exactly. So who are you? Jason - Peter. Doctor Kevorkian - Damn it.. That's it. I quit. (Doctor Kevorkian pulls out a needle and injects it into his arm. He dies instantly. Another doctor walks in. The doctor has a large hammer in his hand.) Jason - Top of the morning to you. (The doctor smacks Jason over the head with the hammer. Jason falls to the floor. The doctor smiles and walks out.) ________________________________________________________________________ *At Russ' House* (Russ is seen dusting his room with a pink feather duster in french maid outfit.) Russ - *singing* I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up hear me shout! Tip me over and pour.. me.. out. HEHE! I just love that song! (A knock on Russ' door.) Russ - Come in. (Just then porn music begins to play as Russ' mom walks in wearing a teddy.) Russ' Mom - *in a sultry voice* Hey Russell... You work tonight, right? Russ - Yeah. Russ' Mom - Good.. Cause I got some company coming over.... If you know what I mean. *wink* Russ - Ok mom. Russ' Mom - And do you think this looks good on me? Russ - Mom.... That's disgusting. Russ' Mom - That's not what all the guys say when they are pounding away on......... *********THIS JUST IN********* A Channel 69 Newsflash Reporter - A large panda bear has been found beaten to death behind Linens and Things and Circuit City. We do not have any word on how this Panda bear made it to Huntsville, but we do know that a suspect is in custody... All we know is that his first name is Adam and he lives in the condos right behind Circuit City. We will keep you posted as more details become available. Now back to our regularly schedule program already in progress. *********END NEWSFLASH********* (Russ is seen sitting on his bed with a sad look on his face.) Russ - *sigh* I don't want to go to work today. I can't wear this to work. Oh well. I guess I better get ready. I feel sad not being a Mexican. Atleast I always have my C. (Russ pulls out a bowl of rice and starts eating it.) ________________________________________________________________________ *University Drive* (We see Brian and Melanie headed for the mall in Brian's 1969 Pinto. Behind the car, Brian is dragging his large wooden horse.) Melanie - Like oh my god where are we going like we are moving so fast! *at a red light* Brian - It's ok my dear. Once I show you my new dance, you will be completely and madly in love with me. Melanie - Look at the pretty red light it's like.... RED! Brian - Red... The color of my love for you. *Melanie is in a daze staring at the light.* Brian - Oh if you only knew my true feelings. Melanie - LIKE OH MY GOD! IT JUST TURNED GREEN! IT MUST BE MAGIC! (They head off.) ________________________________________________________________________ *Mall* 2:pm (Jackie is waiting for Russ to show up. Still messing around with the voodoo doll.) Jackie - What am I going to do with this? If I destroy it, I will destroy myself. But if I keep it, someone, something, might get its hands on it and destroy me! Woah is me! (Just then the most grotesque human being ever created, Jon walks up.) Jon - Hey, what's that? Jackie - God you are fat. Jon - I know. Maybe I'll kill myself later. What's that? Jackie - It's a voodoo doll. Jon - Wow. Can I have it? Jackie - No, you can't eat it or have sex with it. Jon - Damn. Jackie - Yeah, now go on about your pathetic excuse of a life. Jon - I guess I will. Maybe on my home tonight I'll get in a car wreck and die. Jackie - Hopefully. (Jon waddles away depressed and lonely. A stream of tears roll down his disgusting face. Just then Peter...er... Jason walks up. He has a bandage on his head.) Jason - Hey Jackie. Jackie - Better? Jason - Yeah. All it took was another knock on the head. Now I'm back to my old self again. Jackie - Cool. (Jason pulls out his bag o gold and gets ready to play DDR. Just then we see Brian carting in his large wooden horse. Melanie is on top of it riding it.) Jason - What. Jackie - The. Random Person Walking By Since I Don't Have a Third Person In the Arcade - Hell. (Brian wheels his wooden horse up to the gate. Jackie and Jason walk over.) Jason - That thing is huge. How did you get it in here? Brian - Oh, there was a big hole ripped into the mall from earlier in the story. Jackie - Oh Yeah. Speaking of that.... ________________________________________________________________________ *At The Space and Rocket Center* (The large lizard like beast has climbed the rocket and still has Jennifer in his grasps. Helicopters are flying around the beast. He is just swating them. A fighter jet comes from out of nowhere and shoots at the beast. The beast falls from the rocket and down to the ground. The thud is deafening. Jennifer crawls free from the clutches of the beast. She crawls up to his face.) Jennifer - Oh, please don't die... Please... I... I... Love... (Just then the beast wakes up and eats Jennifer.) ________________________________________________________________________ *Back to the mall we go* (Brian is setting up to do his dance for Melanie. Melanie is staring off in the food court. Just then Keith comes running up. He grabs Brian by the neck and slings him into DDR. Keith pulls Brian up and slings him out of the arcade onto a bench. Keith goes charging at Brian, landing on top of him, breaking the bench. Both end up in the floor. Keith gets up, he PICKS UP THE PHOTO BOOTH AND THROWS IT DOWN ON BRIAN!!! Brian is in extreme pain. Keith then stops, stares, rubs his chin, and walks away.) Jason - That was cool. Jackie - Yep. Melanie - Oh my god! I think I like know that girl sitting over there! (Melanie runs off in the opposite direction of where she was looking. She smacks into the potted tree and she too falls to the floor.) ________________________________________________________________________ *Up on a cloud somewhere* Cupid - Oh screw them. I tried to make everyone happy by spreading love, but what do I get? Nothing. They are all stupid. I quit. (Cupid takes a running leap off of his cloud.) ________________________________________________________________________ *Mall* (Jason and Jackie are helping Brian up. Brian is battered and bruised. Just then Rigamortis begins to OPEN UP!??! An army of Greek soldiers rush the mall and take everyone prisoner.) ________________________________________________________________________ *In the Lizard Beast's stomach* Jennifer - *sigh* Now I'll never see Jackie again... (fade to black) ________________________________________________________________________ Exctasy Arcade 2002 NBC A Jon Production Next time on.... EXCTASY ARCADE Who is the daddy? James' baby's father is revealed. Can anyone save the people at the mall from the Greeks? Like Oh My God, Karisa learns her like ABCs! And a character from our story....... DIES!!!!!!!!! Who will it be?!?!?! Find out next time on...... EXCTASY ARCADE