Exctasy Arcade Episode 7 "So You Say I've Lost My Mind?" *Due to the fact that our budget is low, Regis Philbin will NOT be guest staring in this episode. We apologize to those of you expecting to see Regis. But now onto the show.* (Corny little theme song... Corny little intro...) 10:am *due to complaints, Jackie is now being played by a fat bald dude named Bubba.* (Jackie opens the gates to the arcade. Jason comes walking in.) Jason - Hey Jackie, what's up? Jackie - Not much. Just opening the store. Jason - Cool. Jackie - Yeah. (Jason pulls out his little bag of gold and sets it on the DDR machine. All of a sudden the end of the rainbow appears at the bag. Jason takes two tokens and puts them in the machine. He selects his song, etc.... He begins to play. All of a sudden someone appears... An evil... evil... woman. Jackie walks up to watch Jason play.) Evil Woman - What be this game I see? Jackie - This is.... Dance Dance Revolution. Evil Woman - I see this game before me but I do not believe in what I see. Jackie - ... (Jason is playing, all of a sudden the evil woman jumps up on the pad next to him and begins to stomp furiously.) Evil Woman - I am playing this game! I am angry! I am mad! Woo-Hoo! Woo-Hoo! Look at me! Be gone evil game! (The woman looks over at Jason and smacks him across the face. Jason slips and falls off the pad. The back of his head hits Silent Scope. He is out cold.) Evil Woman - I am the captain and I am the force! I will be the evil one to destory this! (Jackie rushes to the office. He grabs the phone and calls security. He rushes back out to the game. The woman is still stomping away.) 1:pm (Finally security shows up. Three fat men (not as fat as Jon) waddle in. The woman is still stomping away. The fat security guys grab her and sling her to the ground.) Evil Woman - Who shalt dare to assault this? Fat Security Guy #1 - Shut the hell up you nut. *eats doughnut* Fat Security Guy #2 - Lets drag her outside and take turns running over her in the security truck. Fat Security Guys #1 + #3 - YAY!!! (They drag the evil woman out kicking and screaming. Jason slowly gets up. He looks around.) Jason - Where am I? Jackie - You ok? Jason - Who are you? Jackie - Jason... You ok? Jason - Who is Jason? Jackie - Come on. Stop pulling my leg. Jason - What do you mean? My name is Peter. Jackie - Peter? Jason - Peter... Jackie - I think you need to see a doctor. ________________________________________________________________________ *Up on a cloaked spaceship above Earth.* (We see what appears to be a robotic woman. She is watching what is happening on a huge monitor.) Robotic Woman - Damn them! They harmed my mother, now I shall destroy them all.... They will feel the wrath of..... THE HYPER-CURVE!!!!! MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!! MWHAHAHHAHA!!! (Hyper-Curve grabs what appears to be some sort of high tech gun. She stands up and vanishes.) ________________________________________________________________________ *Back down on earth... In the mall parking lot.* (Hyper-Curve reappears in the mall parking lot with her high tech gun. She looks around. Some old man saw her appears out of nowhere. She shoots him with her high tech gun. He falls over clutching his chest.... He then turns into a small minature elephant like creature. He waddles off.) Hyper-Curve - Those who hurt my mother... Shall be destroyed with my magic human into small elephant ray gun! MWHAHAHHAHAH!!! MWHAHHAHAHAHA!!! MWHAHAHHAHAHHA!!! (Hyper-Curve heads into the mall. Russ is also on his way in the mall. He walks in the door in front of Hyper-Curve. She looks at Russ.) Hyper-Curve - YOU! (Russ stops. He turns around.) Russ - C. Hyper-Curve - Who are you? Russ - Mi nombre es Russell Southerland. Hyper-Curve - DAMN IT! I may be from outer-space but I don't understand Mexican. (Hyper-Curve pulls out another gun. She shoots Russ.) Russ - What the... Hell? Hyper-Curve - Much better. Russ - What did you do? Hyper-Curve - You are no longer a Mexican. Russ - Woo-Hoo! (Russ rushes off to the arcade with a smile on his face.) Hyper-Curve - Now.... To destroy all that gets in my way! (Hyper-Curve heads to the arcade. She sees Jackie. She pulls out her magic human into small elephant ray gun. She aims it at Jackie. Just then.... She gets hit from behind. The ray gun goes flying from her hand and into the arcade. Hyper-Curve falls to the floor. The camera pans around and we see..... RJ! He just saved Jackie! Hyper-Curve disappears... Jackie picks up the magic human into small elephant ray gun. He looks at it. Then it vanishes.) ________________________________________________________________________ ("On The Road Again" by Willie Nelson is playing. We see a small car going down a long stretch of Highway. Our cameras go inside the car and we see James and Halley driving along.) James - So... What's up? Halley - Nothing. James - Ok.... Ummmm..... I'm pregnant. Halley - Who is the father? James - I dunno... ________________________________________________________________________ *Meanwhile back the arcade...* Jackie - For you saving my life RJ, you get to play NBA Showtime for FREE... For the next week! RJ - Jackie - Hold back your excitement! RJ - Jackie - And I've even built a special stand to sit you on so you can play. RJ - Jackie - But right now this guy is playing... He has been playing all day. (RJ glares over at this guy... We watch him start a new game. He puts in the intitials DMB.) Jackie - You think you can beat him? RJ - Jackie - Well... lets see. (Jackie carries RJ over to the game. He sets him down on his special stool and gives RJ a free game. RJ glares over at DMB, DMB glares back at RJ.) DMB - Sup. RJ - DMB - Good luck. RJ - (The two play... 15 mintues later... DMB wins. RJ just glares at him.) DMB - Good game man. (Just then a fat, pathetic loser walks in to the arcade, it's Jon.) Jon - What's up guys? Jackie - RJ just lost to DMB. Jon - Heh. Jackie - So, why are you here? Jon - Because I have no life. Not only that but I'm so fat that it took me 17 minutes to walk from my car in here. And I'm so ugly that when I passed by a few people back there, they started screaming and running away. Jackie - Cool. (Jon waddles away. Everyone laughs at him.) ________________________________________________________________________ *At Jennifer's house* (We see that Jennifer has set up a shrine to Jackie in her room. She is sitting in front of the shrine. She has candles lit.) Jennifer - Oh my love... One day... One day it will happen. One day you and I will be together. One day I will be happy. (Jennifer grabs what appears to be a voodoo doll of Jackie. She kisses it.) Jennifer - One day... That will be real, I will feel your lips on mine.. A day I long for... ________________________________________________________________________ *Back the arcade.* (Jackie is covered in what appears to be water.) Jackie - What the hell... Where did this come from? ________________________________________________________________________ *At Karisa's house* (Karisa is on the phone) Karisa - Oh my god! Like! James?!?! He is like... Pregnant! That's so like totally weird! So like who is the daddy? He doesn't know!? Like Oh my god so like totally! Like when are you so like totally coming back? Soon like... Totally cool! Like see you then like totally so cool like totally. ________________________________________________________________________ *At Huntsville Hospital* (We see Jason sitting on an examination table. He is looking around. A doctor walks in.) Doctor - Hello Jason. How are you feeling? Jason - For the last time... I'm NOT Jason... My name is Peter and I am a proud transsexual. Doctor - No son, you are Jason, and you are straight. Jason - No... No... I am Peter and I love........ RUSSELL SOUTHERLAND!!! Doctor - Great... This is going to take some work. We are going to need to call in a specialist... (A nurse walks in.) Doctor - Nurse... Get me Doctor Jack Kevorkian... (fade to black) ________________________________________________________________________ Exctasy Arcade 2002 NBC A Jon Production Next time on.... EXCTASY ARCADE Voodoo = Bad. Jason or Peter... Which will he be? Since Russ is no longer a Mexican... How will he act in society? And... Brian does his dance for Melanie...