Exctasy Arcade Episode 6 "Nude Pictures of Russ' Mom Here" After many letters, calls, and death threats, NBC has decided to once again air Exctasy Arcade. Here is a letter from a top NBC Executive: We here at NBC greatly regret cancelling Exctasy Arcade. We cancelled the show due to the actors asking price to continue on. After hearing your voice, we have decided to recast the show and continue where it left off from Episode 4. We hope you enjoy the New Exctasy Arcade and we hope you keep watching NBC. Sincerely, Some Dude from NBC With that.... We return you to the greatest story ever told.... Exctasy Arcade!!! (A corny little theme song plays.... Apparently this is the new intro to Exctasy Arcade. Wow.) When last we left....... Exctasy Arcade..... We were about to learn who won the tournament. But since NBC screwed up everything.... We will never actually know who won.... Darn. Someone at NBC has decided to focus the show more towards this whole damned Love Hexagon thing.. And to think... We will never know who won... *sigh* *Due to low budget... Jennifer is now being played by Smurfette.* (We see Jennifer walking around the arcade. Jackie is not there. She is sad. She pulls out a pen and a piece of paper from her purse.) *Jennifer writing* To my dearest love Jackie, I missed you so today. The arcade wasnt the same without your radiant face of beauty. I felt lost without you. I shant never go to that evil place again without your loving touch awaiting me. I hope to see you soon my love. Love, Jennifer... ps.... without you there is no sun and my day is dark..... I long for you to light me up and help me see again. (She slides the note under the office door. All of a sudden the door opens and out comes Russ.) *Due to low budget... Russ is now being played by a random mexican we found on the side of Governor's Drive.* Jennifer - Hey Russ. Russ - What Izis? Jennifer - A note to Jackie. Russ - Ah. C. Jennifer - Will you make sure he gets it? Russ - Aye Curumba.... Jennifer - What's wrong? Russ - Long day senorita. Very tough. Jennifer - I'm sorry. Russ - Gracias. Jennifer - Well, I'm going home to dream of Jackie now. Russ - Adiós (Jennifer walks off. Russ goes back into the office. Just then Keith (janitor from food court) comes up and starts beating on the office door. Russ opens the office door. He sees Keith.) *Due to low budget, Keith is now being played by the ugliest human being to ever walk the face of the earth. The most pathetic excuse of a lifeform. The single biggest mistake in the history of the universe, Jon.* Russ - ¿Qué el infierno usted le desea hijo gordo del ogre de una perra? Keith - NAM! IT HAPPENED IN NAM MAN! I SWEAR TO GOD! ALL THOSE DAMNED AIRPLANES AND THOSE DAMN GUNS! HOLY HELL MAN! THERES ONE NOW! DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! *pause*stare*chin rub*turn*walk away* Russ- I.E.I. (Russ goes back in the office. Our cameras follow him in. He looks around. He walks over to the desk. There we see a bottle of what appears to be.... lotion? He sits down in a chair. He looks around again. He grabs the bottle of lotion and squirts some on his hand. He slowly looks down at his..... *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* Thank god. Russ gets up. He grabs a paper towel and wipes the lotion off. He opens the door. And we see.... The sickest, most horrid person in the whole entire world, Jon.) Russ - Saludos Jon - Hey. I'm just here because I have no life, I'm pathetic, I have no other place to go. Russ - C. Jon - So I'm going to sit my fat ass down and play a few games. You might have to get a forklift to get my fat ass up. Russ - I.E.I. (Jon waddles away, very slowly. Russ walks over to the redemption counter. He stands and looks out in the food court. He sees a hot asian guy. He gets all hot and sweaty. He looks around. He heads back in the office to his lotion.) ________________________________________________________________________ *Meanwhile at Dick's Sporting Goods... (Editor's note: I didn't know if it was Dick's Sporting Goods..... So I went to Yahoo! and searched for "Dicks"... I guess I wasn't thinking at the time.... Needless to say Dick's Sporting Goods never came up.)* *Due to low budget, RJ is now being played by a shoe box.* (We see RJ standing around. A little kid walks by and crushes RJ.) ________________________________________________________________________ *Over at Melanie's house...* *Due to low budget Melanie is now being played by a transvestite.* Melanie - Like oh my god! It's like 8:00 and I'm so totally not tired! Whatever shall I do? (A rock hits Melanie's window.) Melanie - The sky is falling! Totally! My god! Run! The sky is like so falling! (Another rock hits her window.) Melanie - So! Run! Like! What am I going to....... *pause and stare*..... like do? (We hear someone yelling.... Yelling outside her door.) Melanie - Like Oh my god! Someone is yelling for me! It must be.... It must be... Where am I? Oh yeah! I'm home! Awesome! (More screaming...) Melanie - Where is my door? My god! I lost my door! How am I supposed to get out of my.... OH! THERE IT IS! (Melanie walks to her door. She walks right in to it.) Melanie - Like ow! Why didn't it open? (She looks around. She sees a lamp. She picks it up and throws it at the door. The lamp shatters.) Melanie - Like open! (A light bulb appears above her head.) Melanie - Oh my god! The door knob! (She turns the door knob and pulls the door.) Melanie - OPEN! (She finally pushes the door and she goes flying outside. She hits the ground and rolls a couple of times before coming to a stop.) Melanie - Like... Ouchies. (Just then we see..... BRIAN! He was the one throwing rocks at her window. And he has.... A GIFT?!?! A huge box... A present for Melanie.) *Due to low budget... Brian is now being played... Er..... still being played by Bob Saget.* Brian - Melanie my dear. I have brought you a gift to show you my love. Melanie - Like.... Who are you? Brian - I am the one.. That dances like the wind.. The one that makes your dreams come true.... I am..... Melanie - Oh wait. Oh my god! I know who you are! You are that guy that dances while I work! Oh my god! I know you! Like do you live here too? Brian - Ummmm... No... But I brought you a gift my love! Melanie - Like a present?! Is it my birthday! Is it Christmas! Where is Santa! Oh my god! Santa! I've been good! Santa! Like! Where is Rudolph!?! OH my GOD! Brian - ... Melanie - RUDOLPH LIKE THE REDNOSE REINDEER! He had like a very shiny nose! And like if you ever oh my god saw it, you would totally even say it glowed! Like! Brian - ... Melanie - FROSTY LIKE THE SNOW OH MY GOD MAN! Brian - OK! Enough with this ****. I refuse to work with this dumb piece of **** (Bob Saget walks off camera.) Director - Bob.... This is in the script. Come on now. We agreed to pay you $37 an hour. Bob Saget - But this is an outrage. I mean... Look at this. My character is supposed to be madly in love with... with.... this??!?! I draw the line at.... This.... Director - Alright Bob..... BRING IN THE NEW BRIAN!!! *Due to Bob Saget being a jack ass, the part of Brian is now being played by Gumby.* Director - And action.... Melanie - FROSTY LIKE THE SNOW OH MY GOD MAN! WAS LIKE TOTALLY... Brian - Melanie my dear... Take your ******* present. (Brian removes the wrapping from the present to reveal.... A WOODEN HORSE and a cowboy hat!) Melanie - Like oh my god! A horsey! For me! Like awesome! Brian - This.... is.... RIGAMORTIS! He is my horse and I will DANCE with him LIVE at the arcade tomorrow night.... In honor of.... YOU MY LOVE! Melanie - Oh my god! ________________________________________________________________________ *Over at Jackie's place...* *Due to low budget, Jackie is now being played by RuPaul.* (We see Jackie asleep. A dream bubble comes from his head. We see into his dream. We see the arcade. All of a sudden Jackie walks up with a gun and starts shooting everyone in sight. The camera pans back down to Jackie's face, he has a huge smile on his face. The screen fades to black.) Exctasy Arcade 2002 NBC A Jon Production Next time on..... EXCTASY ARCADE!!! Regis Philbin guest stars for a jacked up version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire". Watch as Jason and Mike play "Who Wants To Be With A Midget?". RJ meets DMB. Jennifer's quest continues. And..... Rumors from Texas run rampant... Is James really pregnant with Halley's baby? All this and MUCH MUCH MORE (probably not much more) next time on...... EXCTASY ARCADE!!!