Very weak... Exctasy Arcade Episode #4 "Jon's Head Hurts and He is Sleepy" Last time on........ ~Exctasy Hospital~ (Scene opens up in a hospital) Some Woman - Damn it! Save her! She's my only daughter. Doctor - I'm doing the best I can! Some Man - SAVE HER! I LOVE HER! Nurse - You love her? Some Man - YES! I LOVE HER! Doctor - How can YOU love her when..... she's married to my 16th cousin's brothers uncles sisters mothers fathers son? Some Man - NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Opps.... Wrong show. Entry #72 I shot my love today, would you cry for me? I lost my head again, would you lie for me? Yeah, thanks to that damned little kid everything had changed. Not only was everyone in love, it seemed as if DDR faded into the background... The background of love.... Ok... That's really gay.... *Richard Simmons..... Yes.... not SIMMIONS.... Bite me* (The scene opens up outside Madison Square Mall. We see people gathered around and big sign hanging on the entrance to the food court that reads "WELCOME RICHARD SIMMONS WITHOUT THE "I"". All of a sudden a long limo pulls up and a large fat man gets out of the drivers seat and walks to the back of the limo. He opens the door and out steps Richard Simmons without the "I". The crowd goes crazy.) Some crazy fat woman - OH RICHARD WITHOUT THE I! I LOVE YOU! Some other crazy fat woman - OH RICHARD! I WANT TO MAKE BABIES WITH YOU! Yet another crazy fat woman - RICHARD! I LOST 70 POUNDS BECAUSE OF YOU! Yet one more crazy fat woman - OH RICHARD! I WANT TO SWEAT TO YOUR OLDIES! Yes, another crazy fat woman - RICHARD! (A whole line of fat women pull up their shirts and they spell out "Richard Simmons Without the "I"". A newstruck pulls up and out gets someone from Channel 48... Dedicated, Determined, Dependable...) 48 News Guy - Mr. Simmons without the I, can I get a word with you? Richard Simmons without the I - Oh of course sugar dumplin! You can get any kind of word you want! 48 News Guy - What brings you here to Huntsville? Richard Simmons without the I - Oh my adorable little cousin Jackie $p!eg1e asked me to come out for this cute little dancing tournament! Anything that burns that evil fat away! 48 News Guy - ummmm...... Ok? Richard Simmons without the I - I better go inside so that I bring everyone else into this story and not get everyone confused! 48 News Guy - Ok... *note: from here on out Richard Simmons without the I will now just be Richard. (fast forward past Richard's grand entrance. Richard. is standing in front of the DDR machine. His eyes are glued to it. He has never seen one that big before. His eyes get big and his mouth drops open. He moves closer to it. He reaches out his hands to grab it. He slowly kisses it. He looks up at it and smiles. He slowly pulls down his dress pants to reveal his signature "exercise" shorts. He looks back up. He slowly grabs the big bar and squeezes. He slowly slides in his two golden pieces. He gets up on it and begins to move around. He takes it one step at a time. He screams out "Oh this feels so good! I can feel that fat just burning away". Finally he gets finished. He gets off. He looks around at everyone and smiles.) Richard - That was just great! (Everyone gathers around Richard.) Jackie - Thanks for coming by! Richard - Oh, anything for my adorable little nephew. Jason - Nephew? I thought he was your cousin. Richard - It's a LONG story. Jason - *blush* Richard - So what's up? Jackie - Well... Yesterday this little kid in a diaper came in and shot almost everyone with arrows and now everyone loves someone. Richard - Awwww.. How sweet. Jackie - Yeah. Richard - So, what about the tournament? Jackie - We are about to start the second round! Richard - Oh joyus happies of fat burning yay! Jackie - SO... LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE. Round 2 As selected by random drawing... Match 1 Jason vs. RJ Match 2 Mike vs. Daniel Match 3 James vs. a Mystery Opponent (note: everyone that lost in round 1 and all other characters in this story are here watching except the most incredible person in the whole entire world (Jon of course).) Match 1 Jason vs. RJ (Jason dominated due to the fact that RJ doesn't move. He just sits there and stares at the screen. Once the contest is over Jason reaches out to shake RJ's hand and the fun begins...) Winner - Jason Jason - Good game RJ. RJ - Jason - You dissing me by not shaking my hand man? RJ - Jason - What, have you got something to say? RJ - Jason - ... (The tension is high. Just then..... Jennifer walks by. They both turn to her with their eyes bugging out of their head and their hearts racing.) Jason - HARK! What goes there? RJ - Jason - Tis that such beauty I haventh seen before. RJ - Jason - Thou hath such beauty. Thy are wonderous. (Just then RJ falls on top of Jason.) *After a long delay the tournament continued* Match 2 Mike vs. Daniel (Mike came prepared for Daniel. He was wearing a rain coat and rain gear from head to toe. Due to an apparent long session of masturbating before the tournament, Daniel was already sweating up a storm. His glasses were fogged over. He was wearing his "Make 7up Yours" shirt with the holes in the armpits. Mike pulled another shocker by pulling out a gas mask! Daniel had nothing now... And he lost... BAD...) Winner - Mike Match 3 James vs. A Mystery Opponent (Since Jennifer was injured at the hands of Brian. And since Brian was too busy building a special secret present for Melanie, no one knew who James would face, but Jackie promised he wouldn't have a free place in the Finals... And.... The news was SHOCKING!!!!) Jackie - James' opponent will be......... *drum roll*............ The Dude that looks like Samuel L. Jackson! (The dude that looks like Samuel L. Jackson walks up slowly to the pad. He looks around. All of a sudden the lights in the mall/arcade go out. (Pretend this it at night so it is REALLY dark)... We hear A GUNSHOT!!!! A scream!!!! A PAUSE!!! The lights come back on and..... and..... RICHARD SIMMONS IS DEAD!!!!!!!!) Jackie - OH MY GOD! Melanie - Who Jason - Killed Jennifer - Richard Karisa - Like Simmons! Russ - I.E.I. (Richard Simmons lays in a pool of blood. Everyone standing around him.....) Entry #73 Well, as you can imagine, things weren't going very well for any of us. Not only was love calling, but now so were the police. I mean... Who killed my cousin? It could have been any of us... This was quickly turning from an episode of The Love Boat into an episode of Matlock..... So, to make a long story short (for Russ).... The police arrived, they questioned everyone, they took away poor Uncle Simmons' body, more questions, crime scene, etc...... The tournament was delayed for atleast 2 hours... Once we resumed..... Even more strange things happened. Finals: Jason vs. Mike (James was too shaken up to continue on. The guy that looks like Samuel L. Jackson was arrested for carrying a loaded weapon into the mall, other small crimes that deal with drugs, stealing, arson, and a few others.... Of course he wasn't a suspect in the murder. Anyway........ The finals...) Jackie - Ok... After we finish this I plan on going to the cemetary where there will be a memorial for my cousin Richard. Everyone is invited. Free food! Don't miss out! But now.... The winner here will 6 free tokens, a ride on the Shuttle Bus to and from Foodworld on Airport Road AND a free years subscription to the magazine "Redbook". So, guys are you ready? Mike - Yep. Jason - Yep. Jackie - Are you ready? Mike - uh-huh Jason - Sure. Jackie - LETS..... GET READY.... TO...... RUMBLE!!!!!!!!! *we will skip the actually playing due to the fact I don't feel like writing it* Jackie - The Winner and DDR CHAMPION OF THE WORLD............... Episode 5 will consist of.... Funnier stuff, I promise.... The winner of the Tournament.... The big buffet gathering to mark the Death of Richard Simmons.... Plus.... YES... The LOVE will become more and more prominent in parts to come..... Oh yes..... and coming soon..... Brian's gift to Melanie.....