Ok... So I bumped things up a bit.... This episode contains some of what I was going to put in episode 3. So don't get confused.... Even though you will.... *sigh* Special Appearance by: A Large Panda, The Plant from The Little Shop of Horrors, and various other people whom I will name when I get to them. Exctasy Arcade Episode 2 "Someone Turn on the Air, it is Really Hot in Here" Old Jackie - Well. Seeking help really wasn't as easy as I thought. I just tried and tried and couldn't find anyone that could help me. Shrink #1 (The scene opens up with Jackie laying on a long couch. We see what appears to be Jackie's shrink... It is a large green plant sitting across from Jackie in a pot.) Jackie - So it all started when that damn game came....... Shrink - FEED ME!!!! Jackie - Excuse me? Shrink - FEED ME SEYMOUR!!! Jackie - My name isn't Seymour and I have nothing to feed you. Shrink - FEED ME!!! (back to Old Jack.) Old Jackie - Yeah. That didn't work out too well. Just a waste of my time and money. So I tried again. This time I didn't pick the cheapest shrink in the phonebook. But alas..... My attempt at help was once again thwarted... Shrink #2 (The scene opens up to another office, Jackie lying on a couch, this time sitting across from him....... is..... a large panda bear?) Jackie - I hope this goes over better than the last person I went to. They were a real freak. Shrink - Hello. My name is Raphael. I am here to help you get over..... Jackie - I have a problem about a game. You see, I run an arcade and..... Shrink - Do you know what panda's eat for lunch? *pause* Shrink - They eat bamboo. Jackie - Ok. That's great? Shrink - Do you have any bamboo? Jackie - What is this? Must I feed everyone before I get help? I mean I'm paying you enough to get a damn golden trophy with a picture of my ass on it with the inscription "I Am Cured". Shrink - Hey look, don't get all angry! I am just a lonely panda with no one to love me. (All of a sudden the office door busts open and we see four guys come barging in. They have stun guns and start stunning the panda.) One of the guys - Sorry sir. He escaped from the zoo earlier this morning. He hasn't hurt you has he? Jackie - Ummmmm...... (The four guys have the panda down on the ground. He isn't moving. They start kicking him and continue to stun him.) Jackie - Isn't that a little harsh? One of the guys - No. This thing is a real beast. (One of the guys jump on top of the Panda and start punching away at his face. Another guy kicks the Panda in the groin.) One of the guys - Hey! Lets take him outside, tie him up, and throw rocks at him! All of the guys - YEAH!!! (Back to Old Jack.) Old Jackie - Luckily my third attempt at help was exactly what I needed. Atleast for the time being. Shrink #3 (Yeah Yeah. Office. Couch. etc...... Real human this time.... Some old dude...) Jackie - So that's my story. Old Shrink Dude - So... You are telling me, this game, this.. Dance... Dance... Revolution... It has, ruined, your, life? Jackie - Pretty much. Old Shrink Dude - I see... Well.... There's only one thing I can say to you my friend. Jackie - What's that? Old Shrink Dude - You must overcome your obsession, you must get that game out of your mind. Jackie - But how? Old Shrink Dude - You must...... Pay me 75 more dollars for that answer. Jackie - Ok. (Pulls out 75 dollars and hands it to the dude.) Old Shrink Dude - Very well... If you must know... A wiseman once said... You never know when my dad will need a good piece of wood. *dramatic pause* Jackie - THAT'S IT!!! That's what I'll do! I'll.... I'll.... BUILD STUFF FROM WOOD!!! Old Shrink Dude - Oh... Yeah... either that or quit your job and become a salesman for Viagra. Jackie - But I don't take Viagra. Old Shrink Dude - No, but I do and I'm really horny right now. Jackie - Sick. Old Shrink Dude - Wake up.... Wake up..... (Camera fades back to Old Jackie.) Camera Man - WAKE UP!!! *kick* (Old Jackie looks up.) Old Jackie - Did I do it again? Damn it. I'm sorry. Where are my manors. So where wuz I? Camera Man - You were mumbling about being horny or something.... Old Jackie - Tell you what youngin', I have a book inside my house here that tells you the story. I mean. It gets sort of confusing with me narrating this whole thing. (fast forward ahead about 10 minutes. The camera man takes the book. Old Jack dies after a vulture lands on his head and pecks his brain out.) *Note* At this point in the story.... It is roughly.... 2:am... I am sick. I think I have a fever. My eyes burn. So if you were offended by anything above, then, well..... You have every right to be. It wasn't funny, it was offensive, and well, rather sick. But don't worry boys and girls and Karisa, it will get better once I get some sleep! Really, it will.... I promise. *End Note* (Here is where we start a new approach to our story. Instead of having some old guy ramble on, we will actually be reading from that old man's "journal"... We will call it... Jack's Journal..... or Randall's Thoughts.... Or Jackie's Written Experiences... Or...) Entry #65 Once I got help, I realized I needed a change in my life. I knew that these constant dreams of DDR would eventually lead to a nervous breakdown. So, I focused my energy on something else..... (We see a bottle of lubrication and a porn magazine.) No.... not that. I was going to.... Well, I really hadn't thought of what I was going to do yet, so I basically didn't do anything. *Part of story where I introduce all the characters I haven't used yet all at once to make you all confused* (Back to the arcade we go. We see Jason and Brian playing DDR. Jackie is watching. They get done playing and up steps a small, Indian boy. We will call him Gaurav. Next to him steps a guy.... A guy.... well, we call him a guy but we use that term loosely.... We will call this "guy" Daniel. They begin to play. Out in the food court a large man, wearing glasses, and a red shirt stares off in the distance rubbing his chin, we will call him Keith. Over at Subway... No wait.. Sbarro... I mean Crackers... I mean Sakkio.... We see a large woman... With black hair... Very hairy arms... We will call her Barbara. *checks list to see who I've left out* What appears to be the little indian boys sister is watching him play, we will call her Pooja. Up walks a rather big guy, he puts his tokens on the machine, we will call him Mike. Across the way two guys working at a shoe repair place watch on. One has his hair in a pony tail we will call him Brandon. The other is a balding asian man, we will call him Mr. Hakky. And look who just walked up, it's a young african american boy with a very foul mouth, we will dub thee Reggie. Everyone else mentioned previously in part 1 is also there, except the greatest person in the world (Me). AND THEN.... IT HAPPENS...... EVERYONE STOPS..... AS.... SHE WALKS IN..... That's right... It's HER... It's.... It's.... No just kidding, it's a HE and it's me... I mean Jon. They all stop and watch in awe as Jon walks in. They wonder what their hero has in store for them.) Jon - Oh guys! Come on! It's just me! Go back to playing. Russ - Oh great Jon, what have you brought us poor fools today? Jon - Oh my dear Russ, you have so much to learn. I bring you nothing but my love and kindness. James - Oh he is so great. Brian - Wonderful. Jason - Fantastic. Karisa - Like oh my god he is so totally awesome like! Jon - Guys! How many times do I have to tell you. I'm just like every other normal, average person. Just because I donate my time to help orphans, the homeless, aging people that need help getting around, and many others less fortunate than us, doesn't mean I'm any better than you! I mean, what makes me any better than you? (All of a sudden 12 sexy women walk up to Jon. The publishers clearing house guy comes up and hands Jon a check for 20 million dollars. A baby falls from the top of mall only to be caught by Jon. The baby's parents reward Jon with 17 new cars, his own private jet, and the mall names the road around the mall, "Jon is Awesome road".) Jon - See... What did I tell you. (Jon walks away. Everyone stares.) Karisa - I like so totally want to be like that totally. Russ - C. (We notice a 4 foot homeless girl watching the people play DDR from the distance. She is just standing there in her rags. Just then two big fat security guards walk up to her and start talking to her. Since our cameras are so cool, we can zoom in and hear everything that happens!) Fat Security Dude #1 - We think you need to leave. 4 foot homeless girl - Why? Fat Security Dude #2 - You are distracting the mall customers. 4 foot homeless girl - How? Fat Security Dude #1 - You are dressed in rags and it is obvious you are homeless and you are just here to cause problems. Fat Security Dude #2 - Hey, atleast she doesn't stink like all the rest! Fat Security Dude's in unison - HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!! *fat flopping* 4 foot homeless girl - *tear* (Just then Jackie sees what is going on. He makes his way over to the scene of the crime.) Jackie - What seems to be the problem? Fat Security Dude #1 - This is none of your concern. Go back to your pathetic little job while we door our job of making $5.25 an hour plus all the doughnuts we can eat. Jackie - Well, I think she was looking in our store. I think she wanted to play our games. So she is a customer. Fat Security Dude #2 - What? This little thing? A customer? More like a 4 foot troublemaker. Jackie - I'll handle it. Fat Security Dude #1 - Fine.. Fine... but when she bites your kneecaps off, don't come crying to us. *pause for laughter/anger from some* (The 4 foot homeless girl looks up, far up, into Jackie's eyes. Her tears are gone, a glow appears around Jackie.) 4 foot homeless girl - You are.. You are.... My hero!!! Jackie - Oh, it was nothing. Those guys are mean anyway. My name is Jackie, what is yours? 4 foot homeless girl - My name is................................................... .................................................................................... .................................................................................... *figured it out yet?*............................................................... .................................*starts with a "J"*................................ .................................................................................... *ends in an "ennifer"*.............................................................. Jennifer! Jackie - Well, hello Jennifer, I just saw you watching the game. Think you could play? Jennifer - Oh, I don't know. It looks really hard, and besides, I don't have any money. =( Jackie - Oh don't worry, I can spot you a few tokens. (Jennifer looks back at Jackie and that same glow appears.) Jennifer - You are wonderful. Jackie - Not really. I just learn from Jon. Jennifer - Who is Jon? Jackie - The single greatest person I have ever met in my entire life. Jennifer - Oh. Jackie - *staring up at the ceiling thinking how great Jon is* Jennifer - Hello? Jackie - Oh.. Oh.. sorry... Come on in.. I'm sure these guys will let you play. They can probably even teach you. *Back to reading from Jack's Journal* Entry #66 Well.. I took her inside and everyone was really nice to her. Mike even taught her how to play. I thought that was really nice. She was a really quick learner. Now all we had to do was get her some real clothes and a place to stay and we could be atleast 5% as good as Jon. So we all gathered up some money and went out to the Salvation Army and got her some really nice clothes. Some even fit. Of course with her being so small, we did have to look in the baby section. We even found her these cute little baby shoes that looked like Barney. How cute. We thought about getting a stroller, but we didn't have enough money for that. So then we all flipped a coin to see where she would stay for the night. Since a coin only has two sides and there were several of us, we had to flip the coin numerous times. We finally decided that she would be most welcomed under the Governor's Drive overpass. So thats where we took her. We told her if she started walking west around 8 in the morning, she could probably make it to the mall by the time it opens. Entry #67 That morning I opened the store, everything was going smooth, until..... It happened. There he was. A large black man dressed in all black with sunglasses on.... He was asleep at Cruisin' World. Druel was coming from his mouth. I knew something had to be done. I thought about calling security but after yesterday, I doubt they would help me. So, for the time being I let him sleep... And he slept for atleast 30 minutes, until RJ showed up.... (RJ is carted in the arcade via handtrucks. He has on his Gilligan hat. He is carted over to NBA Showtime. All of a sudden he is carted around and sees the guy sleeping at Cruisin' World. He is rolled over to him. He smacks up against Cruisin' World waking the man up. The man looks up and sees RJ. The man slowly stands up..... and the confrontation begins.) Angry Large Black Man with Sunglasses - Whatchu talkin' bout Willis? RJ - Angry Large Black Man with Sunglasses - Yo. I said WHAT....CHU.... TALKIN.... BOUT..... WILLIS? RJ - Angry Large Black Man with Sunglasses - TELL ME YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT RJ - Angry Large Black Man with Sunglasses - OH.... IT'S ON NOW!!! (The Angry Large Black Man with Sunglasses lunges at RJ. RJ falls off his handtruck and to the ground. RJ's hat goes flying off in the distance. The Angry Large Black Man with Sunglasses starts pounding away on RJ's face. Jackie comes storming out of the office and sees what is happening. He immediately calls security... No he doesn't.... He...... WATCHES. RJ flips over on top of the Angry Large Black Man with Sunglasses and starts.... well...... just sits there..... the Angry Large Black Man with Sunglasses passes out for no reason at all. RJ wins. Some random people help RJ up. A person with a marker runs up and draws a smile on RJ's face.) Jackie - You ok? RJ - Jackie - That's good. (A mob of people come storming into the arcade, pick up the Angry Large Black Man with Sunglasses and carry him away chanting "No More Taxes".) (Just then Jennifer gets to the mall. She walks in to the arcade and sees RJ. She rushes to him thinking Jackie has found her a new home.) Jennifer - Is this my new home? Jackie - Oh no.. This is just RJ. Jennifer - Oh... *tear* Jackie - Oh don't worry, we will find you a place to stay. Jennifer - You are so grand. RJ - Jackie - So, do you want to play DDR? Jennifer - Sure! *Jackie hands her 2 tokens. She goes to play* Jackie - She is so nice. RJ - Jackie - Yeah, I know... RJ - Jackie - You really think she is going to cause trouble? I don't see how she can. She is so innocent. RJ - Jackie - I know.. I know.. People that look innocent aren't always what they appear. *Back to Jack's Journal* Entry #68 And boy was RJ right. If I had known then, what I know now, I never would have helped her out the way I did. The Love Hexagon was only beginning. And I'll save that for it's proper place.... Entry 69...... *to be continued*