The Nice Arcade Episode #14 "I Love You, You Love Me, Thanks To Jason We're Rated G" (SUNNY DAYS, CHASING THE, CLOUDS AWAY.... ON MY WAY TO WHERE THE AIR IS FREE.... CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET.. HOW TO GET TO THE NICE ARCADE?) (We see a small house... We go inside that house and Mr. Rogers opens a door and walks in.) Mr. Rogers - It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor, would you be mine? could you be mine? Hello boys and girls and welcome to The Nice Arcade. The good folks at Channel 69 have decided to make this an educational program. Now are you ready to go to the neighborhood of make believe? (Just then trolley comes rolling out. DING DING.) Mr. Rogers - Lets go boys and girls! I hope you enjoy! (The camera follows Trolley into a tunnel. DING DING.) (black) (light) (We see a big castle. Trolley goes past the big castle. DING DING. Just then King Friday appears.) King Friday - Hello. I am King Friday. And I am here today to talk to you about Christopher Columbus. He was a Spanish navigator and explorer, the first historically important European discoverer of the New World. Born in Genoa, Italy, to a Spanish couple living there, he began his career as a young seaman in the Portuguese marine. In 1492 he obtained the sponsorship of the Spanish monarchs Ferdinand II and Isabella I for an attempt to reach Asia by sailing westward over what was presumed to be open sea. On his first voyage, he set sail in August 1492 with three ships--the Santa María, the Niña, and the Pinta--and sighted land (in the present-day Bahamas) on October 12. He sailed along the N coast of Hispaniola and returned to Spain in 1493. Named viceroy of the Indies, he made a second voyage (1493-96) with 17 ships, and founded La Isabela (in modern Dominican Republic), the first European town in the New World. This voyage also began Spain's effort to promote Christian evangelization. On his third voyage (1498-1500), he reached S. America and the Orinoco River delta. Reports of his poor administration led to his being replaced as viceroy and returned to Spain in chains. On his fourth voyage (1502-4), he returned to S. America and sailed along the coasts of modern Honduras and Panama. Unable to gain reinstatement of his honors, he died in relative poverty and neglect. His character has long been seen as mixed; unquestionably an intrepid and brilliant navigator, he has also been decried for his vanity, greed, and harshness, as reflected in his treatment of native peoples and others. *pause* King Friday - And that is our history lesson for the day. ________________________________________________________________________ *Mayberry* (Inside of the jail. We see Andy and Barney and Big Bird.) Big Bird - Today, we are going to learn to count to 10! Andy - 1. Barney - 2. Andy - 3. Barney - 4. ......................................... ......................................... ......................................... *vomit* ________________________________________________________________________ ****BREAKING NEWS**** (We see a mob of angry fans protesting outside the Channel 69 Building. They have vulgar signs and are chanting vulgar things. Just then the head of Channel 69 walks outside. They start stoning him.) Channel 69 President Dude - STOP IT! STOP IT! Now listen! We decided to change Exctasy Arcade because of a complaint from one of our viewers..... It is a guy from HARVEST, ALABAMA..... His name is JASON C.............. Well, I don't want to give out everything about him. Some random dude from the angry crowd - WE WANT HIS ADDRESS!!! Channel 69 President Dude - Ok... I'll go up and get it... Another random dude from the angry crowd - WE ARE GOING TO GET HIM!!!! The Entire Angry Crowd - YEAH!!! (The Channel 69 President Dude goes back in the building. The crowd starts chanting, "DOWN WITH JASON!") ****C**** ________________________________________________________________________ (A big pink dog, a large truck driver, 2 small kids, and a duck are singing...) The group - Oh how much fun it is to count to 10. Are you ready for us to sing again? The Big Pink Dog - ONE! TWO! THREE! The Large Truck Driver - FOUR! FIVE! SIX! 2 small kids - SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! The duck - AFLAC! The group - Oh You can never have this much fun saying ****, ****, ****, or ****. So if you want to be happy... Count to 10. The Big Pink Dog - There will be no killing of animals anymore! This is the Nice Arcade, no more fat whores. The Large Truck Driver - I will not catch Scott and **** him in the ***. 2 small kids - And we won't talk about the priest grabbing our *****! The duck - AFLAC! ________________________________________________________________________ (Big Bird, Lassie, Tito Jackson, Jackie, and Russ are standing in a meadow.) Jackie - Gosh Lee Everybody. I can't believe we saved Russ from the well. Russ - Thanks guys! You are all my heroes! Big Bird - It was no problem. Lassie - WOOF! Tito Jackson - Yeah. Russ - I think I am going to go home now and thank my parents for having me and then drink my milk, take a bath, and do my chores! Jackie - ME TOO! Lassie - WOOF! Tito Jackson - Alright! Big Bird - Hi. ________________________________________________________________________ (Kermit the Frog, Karisa, Jose Canseco, and Jennifer are seen.) Kermit the Frog - Kermit the Frog here.... Jose Canseco - Can I say something here? I just want to say that yes I did use steroids while playing baseball and yes Cookie Monster and I are gay lovers. Kermit the Frog - Excuse me Mr. Can Say Co. This is a children's show. You can not say that on here. Jose Canseco - Damn it Kermit, I have to get it off my chest. I am gay and Cookie Monster is my lover!!! Karisa - LIKE OH MY GOD! Kermit the Frog - Ok. This is getting out of hand. We are here today to learn how to tie our shoes! Now! Jennifer, show us how... (Jennifer looks around.) Kermit the Frog - What's wrong, Jennifer? Jennifer - I don't know how to... tie my shoes : ( Kermit the Frog - That's ok... Karisa, show her how. Karisa - Like oh my god! So totally tie my shoes! (Karisa bends down to tie her shoe but falls in the floor instead.) Karisa - Oh my god! I can see the ceiling! Kermit the Frog - Mr. Can Say Co? Jose Canseco - *rubbing his nipples* - Oh Cookie... I can't wait to see you again. We will play homerun derby... (Security rushes in and shoves Jose Canseco out of the picture.) Kermit the Frog - If only I could blush... So apparently no one is going to get shown how to tie their shoes. Jennifer - It's all my fault. Kermit the Frog - Yes it is... But next time I will get an actual group of people that can tie their shoes. (Jennifer grabs Kermit's head and rips it off. We see a hand. A fat dude stands up with his hand shoved in Kermit's rear.) Fat Dude - What the hell are you doing? You just broke Kermit. Jennifer - He was mean!!! ________________________________________________________________________ ***BREAKING NEWS*** Channel 69 - We have just been informed that in EPISODE 15... Everything WILL return back to normal. Exctasy Arcade WILL return next time!!! So, to all of those still wanting to write this Evil Jason person or go to his house and kidnap him.... In Episode 15, we will give you his address... So don't worry all of you Jason Haters! We will allow you to get your revenge for this CRAPPY episode!!! So lets continue this "DOWN WITH JASON" campaign and prove that the NC-17 Exctasy Arcade RULES!!! YEAH!!! ROCK ON DUDES!!! ***END OF BREAKING NEWS*** ________________________________________________________________________ (Jon is seen crying in front of his computer. He drops his head on his keyboard. 3qu5r90jfd93mnc9njcoihjfi3jc839hfp9nhcohbfoqabnc39rh39p8fh9p38fhp93hfp394hr n23uifh29fh2rh9pothqp98hqp98tp9rq98f98p9qhpq8hp98qqpfhpqth. He looks up and sees this horrible episode of Exctasy Arcade. He shakes his head.) Jon - This can't get any worse.... (Jon's nude pictures of Bea Arthur spontaneously combust and burn up.) Jon - I guess it can............ *tears* ________________________________________________________________________ Mr. Rogers - We hope you had a good time today boys and girls..... *corny music plays* Mr. Rogers - It's such a good feeling to know you're alive. It's such a happy feeling: You're growing inside. And when you wake up ready to say, "I think I'll make a snappy new day." It's such a good feeling, a very good feeling, The feeling you know that I'll be back when the day is new and i'll have more ideas for you and you'll have things you want to talk about and I.... will..... too... See you later boys and girls!!! *Mr. Rogers waves to the camera. He opens his door..... AND GETS SHOT!!!!! HIS HEAD EXPLODES AND BLOOD SPLATTERS EVERYWHERE..... Just kidding!!! -The End- ________________________________________________________________________ Next time on Exctasy Arcade -random things happen that no one will care about -you will get lost even more -the vulgarity returns...... lucky you