Exctasy Arcade Episode #13 "Nobody Knows You, Nobody Even Knows Your Name" ***NOTE*** THIS EPISODE HAS BEEN EDITED DUE TO PEOPLE GETTING UPSET ABOUT CERTAIN PARTS. ***END NOTE*** Last Time on Exctasy Arcade -READ IT AND YOU'LL FIND OUT (Corny little theme song... Corny little intro...) ________________________________________________________________________ *Jackie's parents' house* (Forrest Gump is standing in front of Jackie. All of the other "people" are still there as well.) Jackie - I'm going to hurt you. Forrest Gump - Stupid is as stupid does. Jackie - THATS IT! (Jackie swings at Forrest, Forrest ducks, Jackie hits Donald Trump in the face. Donald falls to the floor clutching his face. Forrest tackles Jackie down to the ground.) Forrest Gump - Your mama always said I was like the Energizer Bunny... She never knows when I'm gonna stop... (Forrest swings at Jackie. Jackie rolls Forrest over and shoves him off. Jackie gets up and grabs a random baseball bat.) Forrest Gump - I guess nows the time I should run Forrest run... (Forrest heads off out of the house. Jackie's mom stops Jackie.) Jackie's Mom - Son. I think it's time we had a talk... (Just then the old dude that's going to marry Jennifer barges in with pitchfork in hand.) *We will now call the old dude Brent Beal.* Brent Beal - THATS IT! You woman! You are coming with me! Jennifer - NEVER!!! (Jennifer turns the gun to Brent.) Jennifer - Now drop that pitchfork! Brent - You won't shoot me! I'm going to rock your world! (The camera cuts to a large bird outside.) *bang* (The bird flies away. We cut back inside. Jose Canseco is dead on the floor. The camera pans to Jennifer.) Jennifer - What.. I didn't do it... ________________________________________________________________________ *jail* (Scott is sitting in a jail cell. His head is slumped over. He is crying. Just then a fat cop walks up to the cell.) Fat Cop - HEY! YOU! Penguin killer. You get your ass up and take this like a man. You suffer the consequences. Got it? (Scott slowly looks up. Tears in his eyes.) Scott - I *sniff* didn't *sniff* mean it. Fat Cop *shoves doughnut in his mouth* Whatever. That's what they all say. (Just then another cop comes walking up. He has a fat truck driver in handcuffs. He opens the cell Scott is in and puts the fat truck driver in it. The fat truck driver looks over at Scott and winks. Scott cries even more.) Fat Truck Driver - Yeah. This is gonna be fun... (Just then the wall of the cell where Scott is shatters. It's the Super Valley Gurls!!! Sarah, Melanie, and Karisa help Scott out.) Karisa - LIKE OH MY GOD! LIKE WE SO FREED YOU! Melanie - We are.... like.... so oh my god strong! Sarah - TOTALLY OH MY GOD LIKE SO! (Just then cops coming running in and start shooting at the Super Valley Gurls.) Melanie - Oh tale me they didn't just do that. (Melanie, Karisa, and Sarah all grab the bullets and throw them back at the cops. Scott runs off crying. The fat trucker runs after him with a smile on his face. ________________________________________________________________________ *walmart* (Brian and Shaun are still fighting. They are now wrestling around in the frozen food section. Brian pulls out some ice cream and smacks Shaun in the head with it. Shaun stumbles back. He opens up one of the doors and pulls out some frozen pizzas and starts chunking them at Brian. Brian tries to dodge them.) Jason - This is so cool. Russ - STOP!!! (Brian and Shaun stop fighting. They look up at Russ.) Russ - Guys.... I think it's time... Brian - Time? Russ - Yes... Time for us to become what we've always wanted to become... Shaun - What's that? Russ - A BOY BAND!!! Jason - *gasp* Russ - We will be... 2 guys, 1 Brian, and Russ. Jason - Who is Russ? Russ - *wink* (fade to black.) (pause) (a few seconds later) (We see the same stage outside of Wal-Mart as we saw in episode 12. All of a sudden music hits.... And on stage we see.... 2 Guys, 1 Brian, and Russ.....) Jason - We are now going to do our first hit single.... "Oh Girl, Oh Horse, Oh Girl, I Think I Love You" it's from our debut CD.... Nuts and Bolts and Screws... (The crowd cheers.) Jason - Girl... When I look into your eyes. I can see something, I have never seen before. Shaun - Girl... When I smack that ass of yours, and you scream out more, I just want you more. Brian - Horse... When I ride you down the road, bare assed I feel so in love with you. Russ - Girl... When I see your womanly arms, I want them around me, I want to feel you all night long. Jason & Shaun - GIRL Brian - HORSE Russ - GIRL ALL 4 - I THINK I LOVE YOU!!! Without you in my life I would be.... Sad... and Not happy.... like I am now.. When.... I'm...... With You..... Jason & Shaun - Girl Brian - Horse Russ - Girl Jason - Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh.......... Girl..... Roses are red, violets are blue, and nothing can compare to you... Shaun - Girl.... When you dress up like an army man and use that big long gun..... Nothing can compare to you.... Brian - Horse..... When I put on my cowboy hat and yell out YEE-HAW!!! Nothing can compare to you... Russ - Girl... When I grab your..... ****BREAKING NEWS**** Channel 69 Reporter - The roof of Chuck E Cheese just magically transformed into three goats, a pig, a coyote, 7 wolves, Barry Manilow, and a 17 ton anvil. Everyone inside was killed instantly... Ironicly enough.... No one was killed by the animals or the anvil. Apparently, Barry Manilow started to sing to calm the crowd down and well.... everyone just fell over dead. We will keep you updated as we learn more. Now back to our regularly scheduled program. ****BACK TO THE SHOW**** Jason - THANK YOU!!! We love you all!!! (The crowd is standing, cheering for 2 Guys, 1 Brian, and Russ. They take a bow and walk off stage.) ________________________________________________________________________ (We see a Woodchuck sitting on a log. He looks up at the camera.) Woodchuck - What the **** do you want? (The cameraman pulls out a piece of paper and begins to read.) Cameraman - How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a.... Woodchuck - Let me stop you right there. I know you think this is funny and all, but you are really pissing me off. Cameraman - Uh.... Woodchuck - You come out here with your ******* camera and ask me this ******* question. I'm cute. I'm a little woodchuck. **** you and **** that. (The woodchuck pulls out a gun and puts a cap in the cameraman's ass. The camerman falls down to the ground. The woodchuck blows over the barrel of the gun.) Woodchuck - Better question for you... How many ******* can a woodchuck kill if a woodchuck has a ************* gun? ________________________________________________________________________ *Back to Jackie's parents' house. The police have arrived.* Police Chief - Ok... Who killed him? (Everyone looks at Jennifer.) Jennifer - I didn't do it. (She tries to hide the gun in her hand.) Police Chief - Eh... Good enough for me... Arrest her. (Cops swarm Jennifer and arrest her. They drag her away kicking and screaming.) Jennifer - I DIDNT KILL JOSE CANSECO!!! (Jennifer is put into a police car. Just then Kyle and Stan waddle in.) Kyle - Oh My God. Stan - She killed Jose Canseco. Kyle & Stan - YOU BASTARD!!! (Just then Jackie starts yelling.) Jackie - OK! EVERYBODY OUT! OUT OF THE HOUSE! THIS IS OVER! Stan - Hey dude, we are here for the.... OR J. (Jackie grabs Stan and slings him against a wall.) Kyle - That's not cool! (Jackie grabs Kyle and slings him against the opposite wall.) Jackie's Mom - CALM DOWN! DONT MAKE ME SPANK YOU YOUNG MAN!!! (Donald Trump walks up to Jackie. He is eating a Honey Bun.) Donald Trump - You know.... *chewing* She really is good... *pointing to Jackie's mom* (Jackie looks at Donald Trump.) Jackie's Mom - Now Jackie.... BEHAVE!!! He is only telling the truth. (Just then the show pauses. It fades to black. Jon appears on the screen.) Jon - First off... I'd like to take this time to apologize to Jackie and well, all of you... It seems as if Exctasy Arcade has become, as Jason calls it, NC-17... Or even worse. I do admit things have gotten a bit out of hand.... So with that... Starting in episode 14... We will have a CLEAN EXCTASY ARCADE!!! No more useless violence... No more sexual references... No more... well... You'll see. Things will change. It will get better! You will soon be able to say... I read an episode of Exctasy Arcade without being grossed out or seeing the word ass or a bunch of these: ********* So.... With that in mind... Lets take you to the end of Episode 13.... (Back to Jackie's parents' house. Everything is now black and white.) Jackie - Oh mom... This has been such a silly day. Jackie's Mom - I know it has... I think we should just forget all the gross things that happened and be a family! Jackie - ME TOO MOM! G-GOLLY! Jackie's Mom - Aw Shucks Mom. Come here... (Jackie and Jackie's Mom embrace. Just then Lassie comes up and starts barking.) Jackie - What is it? What is it boy? Russ is trapped in a well? Oh shucks. I guess someone should go help him!!! (Jackie and Lassie run off to save Russ. Just then the theme from the Andy Grifith show plays. And the NEW title..... "The Nice Arcade" appears on the screen.) *fin* ________________________________________________________________________ Next time on "The Nice Arcade" -Big Bird stops by to help us count to 10. -Mr. Rogers, Jason, Karisa, and Jennifer all learn to tie their shoes! -Can Jackie and Lassie save Russ from tthe well? -Kermit the Frog and Betty White sing a duet about being nice. -All that and MUCH MUCH MORE on the NEWW and IMPROVED... NICE ARCADE!!!!