Exctasy Arcade Episode #12 "I've Got This Time On My Hands, You Are The One To Abuse" Due to violent/other content, this episode may not be suitable for younger viewers. Viewer Discretion is STRONGLY advised. Last time on EXCTASY ARCADE -Eeyore plotted to take over Huntsvillee. -Jennifer kidnapped Jackie. -Kenny died. (Corny little theme song... Corny little intro...) ________________________________________________________________________ *at the arcade* (We see Daniel playing DDR. Gaurav walks up to watch. Daniel gets done playing. Sweat pouring from him.) Daniel - What's up G-Money? Gaurav - Don't call me that! Daniel - You want to play me? Gaurav - You'll beat me. Daniel - I know I will. I will soon be King of DDR. Gaurav - Yeah right. You can't beat Jason or Mike. Daniel - Oh, but I have a secret weapon. Gaurav - Your armpits aren't a weapon. Mike beat you easily before. Daniel - Not my armpits... My.... Incredible looks. Gaurav - What? Daniel - You'll see..... You'll all see.... *looking into camera, he begins to laugh, no one cares* ________________________________________________________________________ *University Drive, headed for Wal-Mart* (Russ, Brian, Shaun, Jason, and Kenny are in Brian's car.) Russ - He, lets go to Wal-Mart. Jason - Yeah, I need some shaving creme to shave my head. Shaun - That's sick. Jason - Not that head. Shaun - Oh All 5 - *blush* (They pull up in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Something is going on.) Russ - What the.... (A large stage has been set up. A sign is hanging from the stage that reads "Panda Appreciation Day". We see several people in Panda costumes. Someone is standing on the stage, apparently about to speak.) Russ - Hey... Isn't that... Jason - Scott? (Scott steps up to the microphone.) Scott - People... We are gathered here today to try and forget a tragedy that occured just the other day. A panda... was slain right here in Huntsville by some maniac Panda killing freak. We can not let this stand! *The crowd cheers* Scott - We are going to make sure this person PAYS the ULTIMATE price! *The crowd cheers more* Scott - So today, to prove that we love our Pandas, we are going to...... Kill PENGUINS!!!!!!! *The crowd is in shock.* Scott - Does anyone volunteer to be the first to strike a blow against the Penguin population? *Everyone backs away from the stage, except Kenny.* Scott - You there... Would you like to kill a Penguin? Kenny - Uh... Sure... Scott - Well, come on up here. (Kenny goes on stage. Scott hands him a baseball bat. A cage of 62 penguins is brought out. Scott opens the cage and removes on Penguin.) Scott - Now beat this vile creature! Show the Pandas they mean something to us! Kenny - How is killing a penguin proving that we love Pandas? Scott - JUST KILL THE PENGUIN! (Kenny swings the baseball bat down across the penguin. The penguin dies. Just then the other 61 penguins break free from their cage and attack Kenny. They devour him within seconds.) Russ - Oh My God. Jason - They Killed Kenny. Brian - Hey did you see that? That penguin just fell over dead after he hit it, that's cool. I mean... You bastards. (Just then police rush the stage and arrest Scott.) Scott - NO! NO! Please don't arrest me! I just love Pandas and I want them to be FREE! FREE! FREE I TELL YOU! (Scott is dragged away kicking and screaming. They throw him in the back of a police car and off to jail he goes.) Russ - And this storyline is going where? Shaun - I think it's just promoting useless violence against animals. Jason - Yeah. Jon is a nut. Brian - Hey, I wonder if Scott will be in the next episode? Jason - I dunno. But atleast he didn't die. ________________________________________________________________________ *Underground somewhere* (James is tied up against a wall. Eeyore walks up to him.) Eeyore - MOMMA! James - Yo. Eeyore - I have longed to find you. Ever since I busted out of your stomach.... And now... Now that I have found you, together, we will take over this horrible city and become... become.... The Rulers of ALL of Huntsville. James - Cool. Eeyore - I have to show you this secret weapon I have made. (Eeyore pulls out a..... ummmm.......... gun?) Eeyore - This is my human destroying gun. (Eeyore holds the gun up to James.) Eeyore - This is the handle... Two round circular objects you squeeze to shoot. Then there is this long handle, brilliantly crafted with a mushroom like tip... And then the hole... right at the tip.... When it shoots, out comes this white like substance that covers the human and melts them down into ashes. James - .... Eeyore - This is the most incredible invention ever created! James - .... Eeyore - Would you like a demonstration on how it works? James - No? Eeyore - Glad you want to see it!!! COME HERE HUMAN SACRIFICE #231. (Human Sacrifice #231 walks up. Eeyore begins to........ummmmm..... move his hand back and forth over the long handle of the..... gun..... the gun begins to swell and it finally fires out a white.... substance onto Human Sacrifice #231... He dissolves quickly...) *****WE INTERUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT***** Channel 69 Program Director - We here at Channel 69 feel the nature of this program Exctasy Arcade has become too violent, too sexual, too, well, just plain nasty. Therefore, we have asked the writer of Exctasy Arcade, the most pathetic human being on the planet, Jon, to write things a bit more clean. We hope you like the NEW Exctasy Arcade as much as we do. We now redo the scene you just saw in hopes that any sick, penis like images, are erased from your head. ****BACK TO THE SHOW***** *Underground somewhere* (James is tied up against a wall. Eeyore walks up to him.) Eeyore - MOMMA! James - Yo. Eeyore - I have longed to find you. Ever since I busted out of your stomach.... And now... Now that I have found you, together, we will take over this horrible city and become... become.... The Rulers of ALL of Huntsville. James - Cool. Eeyore - I have to show you this secret weapon I have made. (Eeyore pulls out a..... ummmm.......... grenade?) Eeyore - This is my human destroying grenade. (Eeyore holds the grenade up to James.) Eeyore - This is the pin... It just slides right in with ease. It goes slowly into the opening, the moist, wet, opening. The opening is so moist and wet so that the pin slides right in. And this is the part I call the.... *****WE INTERUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT***** Channel 69 Program Director - We here at Channel 69 were not pleased with the new version of Exctasy Arcade Jon showed us. And I'm sure you can tell why. So, we had the same person who writes for our children show "People Are Good and We Love Birds", write this part of Exctasy Arcade. We hope you enjoy it! ****BACK TO THE SHOW***** *In a Daisy filled Meadow* (James and Eeyore are frolicing through the meadow hand in hand. Butterflies are flying around them. The sun is shining bright. Just then a stuffed frog puppet appears.) Stuffed Frog Puppet - Hello, Zermit the frog here. (Just then a chainsaw crazed maniac runs into the meadow and cuts up Zermit. He heads after James and Eeyore. Just then Jon stops typing. He ponders his life... He ponders where this part of the story is going. He realizes it's stupid. So he decides....) *In a Sewer* (Eeyore sees James. Just then a large anvil falls on Eeyore. He dies. James leaves.) ________________________________________________________________________ *Over at Dick's Sporting Goods* (RJ is just sitting there. A customer walks up to him.) Customer - Hey... Where are your golf clubs? RJ - Customer - Ummmm....... RJ - Customer - May I speak to your manager? RJ - Customer - This is an outrage. I am demanding service! RJ - (The customer picks RJ up and chunks him down to the floor. RJ rolls over. The customer begins to stomp on RJ. JUST THEN..... WHAT IS THIS?!??! IT CANT BE?!?!?! THE REAL RJ!!!) *The Real RJ is being played by that dude who played Urkel.* The Real RJ - So.... Picking on someone smaller than you, eh? (The customer turns around and faces the Real RJ.) Customer - Yeah. What's it to you? The Real RJ - You don't mess with my buddy... my box... now back up b!^(h before I go mideval on your @$$. Customer - Oh... You think you can hurt me? The Real RJ - That's what I said... (The customer charges at The Real RJ. The Real RJ side steps him and he goes flying into some clothes. The Real RJ goes over and grabs a golf club. He walks back over and smacks the customer in the face with it.) The Real RJ - Is this what you were looking for, b!^(h??? (The Real RJ drops the club on the customer. He turns around and picks up RJ the box and they head out of Dicks. Just as they go through the door The Real RJ turns around.) The Real RJ - I really love Dicks. ________________________________________________________________________ *In Wal-Mart* (Russ, Shaun, Jason, Brian, and Kenny are walking around.) Russ - Hey, I thought you got killed by some penguins earlier. Kenny - Eh... Jon wrote the first part a few days ago.. I guess he forgot. Russ - That's cool. (Brine stops to look at some diapers. Shaun bumps into him on accident.) Brine - OH THATS IT!!! (Brine shoves Shaun down onto a display of Q-Tips. Brine takes a run and leaps on top of Shaun. He starts ripping open boxes of Q-Tips and stabbing Shaun with them.) Jason - Oh, this isn't good. (Shaun flips Brine over and they land near the razors. Shaun pulls out a razor and shoves it at Brine. Just then Kenny runs to the grocery side of Wal-Mart. He grabs a jar of Honey. He opens it up and begins to rub it all over his body. Just then a swarm of Killer Bees from Mexico come into the store and start stinging Kenny. He starts running around screaming. He eventually falls over dead near the ladies lingerie where Wes Baker is browsing around.) Some Fat Whore - Oh My God. The Fat Whore's Mother - They Killed Kenny. *off in the distance* Stan and Kyle - You bastards! (fade to black) ________________________________________________________________________ Exctasy Arcade 2002 NBC A Jon Production Next time on.... EXCTASY ARCADE Can Jackie break up the OR J before it's too late? Is Kenny really dead? Who will break Scott out of jail? and...... How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?