Exctasy Arcade Episode #11 "The Envelope Please" Last time on EXCTASY ARCADE -The Greeks lost the battle of Madison Square. -Jennifer and The Eldery Old Man escapeed from Captain Big Lizard Creature Thing. -James had his baby... An alien baby. -A small fender bender on University Drrive. -Kenny died. (Corny little theme song... Corny little intro...) ________________________________________________________________________ (The scene opens up to a sewer somewhere below Huntsville. We see James' little baby alien. He is sitting on a throne. He starts yelling.) *Note: from now on, James' little baby alien will be known as Eeyore.* Eeyore - DAMN IT! I MUST TAKE CONTROL OF THIS PATHETIC CITY. (A half woman, half buffalo walks up to Eeyore. We will now call her "Buffalo Woman".) Buffalo Woman - Master Eeyore, we have prepared your weapon of destruction. Eeyore - Excellent b!^(h, now get me some tea. Buffalo Woman - Yes master. (Buffalo Woman trots away.) Eeyore - Soon... Soon... My father and I will be reunited and we will be the rulers over HUNTSVILLE!!! MWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!! MWHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!! (A phone rings. Eeyore picks up his cell phone.) Eeyore - Yo b!^(h talk to me. WAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! Yeah b!^(h... You ain't ****** me? DAMN!!!!!! I didn't know her @$$ was THAT big. (Buffalo Woman walks back with Eeyore's tea.) Buffalo Woman - Here master. Eeyore - Yo b!^(h! Can't you see I on the phone?!?! Don't make me take away yo privileges to ride the E Daddy. Buffalo Woman - I'm sorry master. Eeyore - That's what I thought b!^(h... Now go get me my death weapon... I'm ready to kill me some human @$$!!! ________________________________________________________________________ *The Mall* (Jackie is trying to repair the spear holes put through some of the games during the war. Just then his cell phone rings. It's Russ! He needs Jackie to come help them after their wreck. Jackie rushes out the door. He heads to his jeep. He gets in.) Jennifer - About time you got here. Jackie - AH! What are you doing in here? How did you get in here? Jennifer - That doesn't matter. (Jennifer pulls out a gun.) Jennifer - All that matters is that you are taking me away from this place so I don't have to marry that old guy. Jackie - Ummmm.... Put that away. Jennifer - DRIVE! Jackie - I need to go help Russ. Jennifer - DRIVE!!!! Jackie - Ok.. Ok.. Where do you want to go? Jennifer - Your mom's house.... Jackie - Ok...? (Jackie drives off. Jennifer still holding the gun on him. What she doesn't know is that her supposed to be husband knows what's going on and is following behind them on his tractor.) Elderly Old Man - Yeah... She'll never suspect a thing... Me and my tractor... Just out for a drive. ________________________________________________________________________ *University Drive* (We see Russ, Brian, Jason, Kenny, Karisa, and Halley standing around their wreck.) Russ - Damn it, where is Jackie. He should have been here by now. Brian - Maybe he was busy. Russ - No... He should be here by now. (Just then Melanie runs up.) Melanie - Like oh my god! I so totally know you guys! Jason - Hey Melanie. Melanie - Like HEY! Oh my god! I know that person.... (Melanie runs out in the middle of traffic. Everyone slams on their brakes. She rushes out to the middle of the road. She stops some dude. She starts beating on his door. He opens his door. She grabs him by the hand and rushes him back across the road over to where Russ, Brian, Jason, Kenny, Karisa, and Halley are.) Melanie - Like oh my god! This is like... Like..... *stare* Shaun - My name is Shaun. Melanie - *still staring* Russ - Yeah.. Anyway.. Hello Shaun, so can you help us here? (Brian is staring at Shaun.) Shaun - You got a problem little guy? Brian - Little guy? (Brian gets in Shaun's face.) Shaun - You wanna fight? Brian - Yeah... Lets fight!!! Russ - Guys.. Guys... Calm down.. we need to move these cars first. Karisa - Like violence is like not like the so totally answer like! (Melanie is still staring off. Shaun, Brian, Russ, Jason, Kenny, Karisa, and Halley all start pushing the cars into a parking lot of a gas station.) Shaun - Don't keep staring at me little boy. Brian - Don't make me hurt you... Shaun - I'm so scared. Jason - STOP IT! (They get both cars into the gas station parking lot. Melanie is still staring off.) Jason - Someone go get her. Brian - Fine... I Will. ________________________________________________________________________ *Governor's Drive Overpass* (We see James walking around. He is looking for Eeyore. He walks up to a homeless guy.) James - Hey. Homeless Guy - I need money to get home to see my children. James - Ok. Homeless Guy - No, I can't lie to you, I need the money to pay for an operation that my dear old mom is having. James - Cool. Homeless Guy - Ok.. Ok.. You got me... I need it for beer. James - Oh. Homeless Guy - Now give me some money!!! (James pulls out a picture of Eeyore.) Homeless Guy - I seen that thing! It was down over there... Near the sewer entrance. James - Thanks. (James walks off.) Homeless Guy - HEY! Come back! I need some money! *tears* (James walks a bit and finds the entrance to the sewers. He slowly enters. It is cold and damp. James begins walking... He hears a noise. He looks around... He continues walking... He slips!!! He falls!!! Seven large creatures gather around him... They pick him up and carry him away. He is screaming.) James - No. ________________________________________________________________________ *The Interstate* (Jackie is headed to his mom's house. Jennifer is still holding the gun on him.) Jackie - You can put that away. I'm going to my mom's house. Jennifer - No! Jackie - Why do you want me to go there anyway? Jennifer - No one will find us there! (A small tractor continues follwing them.) Jackie - So, you really don't want to marry this guy. Jennifer - NO! Jackie - But I bet he is awfully cute in a thong. *awkward pause* (Jackie continues to drive.) ________________________________________________________________________ *Back at the gas station* (Russ, Brian, Jason, Kenny, Shaun, Melanie, Karisa, and Halley are all standing around.) Russ - So Brian - What's up? Jason - Not much. Kenny - Cool. Melanie - Like What's up? Karisa - Totally oh my god so! Melanie - Totally like what oh my god! Karisa - Like Totally So My God Oh! Groovy! (Halley smacks both Karisa and Melanie. They both begin to cry.) Shaun - Thanks. Halley - Uh-huh... (Just then a couple of guys walk up and start talking trash.) Guy #1 - Hey yo biatches, wuzzup, y u b standin' round hea? Russ - Uh..... Guy #2 - You Makin Fun ov Us? Russ - Ummmm.... No... Guy #1 - Don't make me bitch slap you biatch! (Guy #2 grabs a gas pump handle and shoves it down Kenny's pants. He then starts it up. They both walk away laughing.) Jason - How rude. Russ - Yeah.... Anyway... Lets go cruising for chicks. Brian - YEAH!!! Shaun - Cool! Brian - Shut up b!^(h. Shaun - Shut up little boy. Jason - STOP IT! Sheesh! Lets go find some chicks. Karisa - Like what about us totally? Russ - Oh yeah... You..... Well.... Bye. (Russ, Brian, Shaun, Jason, and Kenny all walk off. Kenny still has the gas handle stuck in his pants. He is walking away. Gas is dripping from his pants, making a path as he walks. Jason reaches into his pocket and pulls out a matchbook.) Jason - Hey... Look what I found... Russ - Cool... Do they still work. (Jason strikes the match.. A flame comes up.) Jason - I guess so.... Oh well..... (Jason throws the match behind him. Kenny can't walk anymore because the gas hose has run out of hose... He stops to pull it from his pants... Jason's match hits the gas and starts flaming up. The flames are headed right for Kenny. He is trying to get free, but can't. Kenny is engulfed in flames. Jason, Russ, Shaun, and Brine turn around.) Russ - Uh-oh.... (Kenny is on fire. He starts running around flapping his arms in the air. He runs out in the middle of traffic. He is hit by an eighteen wheeler... and then a greyhound... and then an old handicap woman going 25.) Brian - Oh My God! Jason - They Killed Kenny. Shaun - YOU killed Kenny! Russ - You bastard! Brian - Eh.... Oh well.... Lets go get girls. Jason - Ok. ________________________________________________________________________ *Almost to Jackie's parents' house.* Jackie - We are almost here. Jennifer - Good.... (Small tractor is still following...... Jackie pulls into the driveway to his parents' house. He and Jennifer get out of his jeep. Jennifer still has the gun pointed at Jackie. Jackie goes to his parents' door. He knocks. There is no answer.) Jennifer - Are you sure this is where she lives. Jackie - YES! She must be busy or something. (Jackie pulls out his key and opens the door. He slowly walks in. Jennifer following. They hear a strange noise... Like a squeaking noise... And... Moaning?!??! Jackie storms back to his parents' bedroom.... and..... and......) Jackie - WHAT THE ****??!?!?!?!?!? (The camera pans to Jackie's parents bed... And we see Forrest Gump on top of Jackie's mom. Jackie's dad walks out of the bathroom with a robe around him. Richard Simmons comes walking out with him. And then out comes Bea Arthur, Marsha Warfield, Ron Howard, Mr. Hayes, Keith Adams, The dude that looks like Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Willis, Chucky, Hank Aaron, Kobe Bryant, Don Knotts, OJ Simpson, Carol Burnett, Jose Canseco, Rudyard Kipling, Alice from the Brady Bunch, Everyone that works at Cajun Grill, Russ' Mom, Chris Berman, The Backstreet Boys, Their mothers, Brine's mom, Toby Keith, Hulk Hogan, Tim Allen, and Donald Trump carrying nude pictures of Dave Matthews, Betty White, Hillary Clinton, Barbara Walters, Star Jones, Regis Philbin, Pat Sajack, Alex Trebek, Harry Truman, George Washington, Elvis Pressley, Russ, Wes Baker, Some random person's @$$ cheeks, Garth Brooks, Strom Thurman, Elton John, Tony Danza, Ted Danson, Lionel Ritchie, and Burt Reynolds. Jackie looks at Forest.) Forrest Gump - Oh... We were just havin' an Or J. (fade to black) ________________________________________________________________________ Exctasy Arcade 2002 NBC A Jon Production Next time on.... EXCTASY ARCADE Eeyore tries to take over Huntsville with his secret death weapon. Brian and Shaun... The fight begins. Daniel plots to become the DDR king. and who knows what else!!!!