Exctasy Arcade Episode #10 "I've Never Seen One That Big Before" Last Time on EXCTASY ARCADE -Brandon and Mr. Hakky fought back agaiinst The Greeks. -The father of James' baby was revealedd. -Karisa learned her ABCs and then drovee off with Halley. -Kenny died. (Corny little theme song... Corny little intro...) ________________________________________________________________________ (The Greeks are in deep battle with Brandon and Mr. Hakky. Brandon grabs one of the Greek soldiers by the head and slings them through the glass and FYE. Mr. Hakky gives one a karate kick right into Hibbets. Mr. Hakky grabs some soccer balls and starts throwing them at the Greeks. Brandon goes into FYE and grabs some cd's and starts throwing them like buzzsaws. The Greeks are falling left and right. Meanwhile in the parking lot.) Russ - I wonder when this war will be over. Violence makes me sad. Kenny - Me too. Jason - Hey guys, how about we go drive around and pick up chicks. Brian - Cool. (Brian, Jason, Kenny, and Russ all get in Brian's 1969 Pinto and head off. Jackie and Melanie are left in the parking lot watching the war rage on.) Jackie - Well.. I guess I should call Mr. Hayes and tell him the store is closed for a while. Melanie - Hey! Hey! I have an idea! Lets play in traffic! Jackie - No... Lets not. Melanie - Oh come on! It will be fun! I want to catch a car! Jackie - Calm down. Mealnie - I wanna chase a car! I wanna chase a car! (Melanie runs off after Brian's pinto. Jackie is left alone.) Jackie - Guess I'll stand out here until something important happens. ________________________________________________________________________ *Inside Captain Big Lizard Creature Thing* (Jennifer has a candle going and is drawing a map.) Jennifer - Ok.. So if I make my way down his intestines, I will end up in his testicles and then I can make it out through his penis. Either that or go out his ass. (Just then Jennifer hears a noise. She looks around... And sees... An elderly old man.) Jennifer - Who are you? Elderly Old Man - Honey? Is that you honey? Jennifer - Excuse me. Elderly Old Man - Who are you? I can't see without me glasses. Jennifer - My name is Jennifer and I was swallowed by this... this... beast. Elderly Old Man - Oh... You too. Yeah... Back in 1969 I was working out in the fields, plowing... A shadow came over me and the next thing I knew, me, my tractor, my dog Spot, my overhauls, my pitch fork, my pig, my horse, my cow, my barn, my mistress, my uncle, my mailman, my mailbox, my grandma, my llama, my zebra, my taxi, my nude pictures of farm whores, my car, my outhouse, my fence, my corn crop, my laundry, my bear, my one legged cat, and my glasses were all inside this beast. Jennifer - That's gotta suck. Elderly Old Man - Yep. And I've been in here ever since. Jennifer - You poor thing. Elderly Old Man - Yep. I've tried to escape 1726 times. Jennifer - That's a lot. Elderly Old Man - Yep. And I've given up. Jennifer - That sucks. Elderly Old Man - Yep. Jennifer - I'm going to escape! Elderly Old Man - Yep. Jennifer - You're cute. I love you. Elderly Old Man - *blushes* Yep. (Just then a large noise is heard... Water comes streaming down from above onto the old man and Jennifer.) Jennifer - That's disgusting. Elderly Old Man - You ain't seen nothing yet. Wait til he eats. Talk about NASTY. Almost as Nasty as that JON guy. You know he is the most disgusting creature I've ever seen in my entire life and I've been alive a LONG time. He makes me sick. ________________________________________________________________________ *Crestwood Hospital* (James is laying on a hospital bed. His legs are spread (a sheet is covering it, don't get the wrong idea you sickos.) A doctor is standing in front of him.) Doctor - Ok James, I don't know how this is going to work. I've never delivered a baby from a guy before... So.. Umm... Just push, I guess. James - Ok. Doctor - Do you feel any pain? James - Yeah. Doctor - How bad? James - Bad. Doctor - Look man, these one word answers aren't helping me any. You are the one having a space alien child. I think you need to give me as much help as possible. James - Ok. (The doctor looks furious. He storms out of the room. He slams the door behind him.) James - Wait. ________________________________________________________________________ *University Drive* ("My Girl" is playing on the radio. Russ, Brian, Jason, and Kenny are headed down the road.) Jason - I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. Brian - When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May. Russ - I guess you'll say... What can make me feel this way... All 4 - MY GIRL... MY GIRL... I'M TALKING BOUT MY GIRL... MY GIRL!!! Kenny - I've got so much honey the bees envy me. Jason - I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the tree. Brian - I guess you'll say... What can make me feel this way... All 4 - MY GIRL.... MY GIRL...... MY GIRL..... IM TALKING BOUT MY GIRL!!!!! MY GIRL!!!! *All 4 doing head swinging motions* All 4 - Hey Hey Hey......... Hey Hey Hey.... Russ - I don't need money, fortune, or fame... Kenny - I got all the riches baby, that one man can claim... Jason - I guess you'll say... What can make me... (All of a sudden Brian plows into the back of another car. It's Halley and Karisa. Brian, Jason, Russ, and Kenny get out and rush up to the car. Halley and Karisa get out.) Karisa - Like Woah! That was totally weird. Jason - You guys ok? Halley - Yeah. Kenny - Cool. Halley - Who is that? Russ - That's Kenny. Karisa - Like who is Kenny. Russ - He is! (Russ points to Kenny. Kenny stumbles back from Russ' finger and trips. He stumbles back into traffic and gets hit by an eighteen wheeler... And then a Greyhound... And then an old handicap woman going 25.) Russ - Oh My God. Jason - They Killed Kenny! Halley - Those Bastards nyo. ________________________________________________________________________ *Back inside Captain Big Lizard Creature Thing* Jennifer - Ok Old Guy. Here is our chance. You take off running through his colon and I'll go through his intestines. Elderly Old Man - That's just nasty. Why can't you go through his colon? Jennifer - It might mess up my hair. Elderly Old Man - Fine... Fine... I'll go into his colon. But if we make it out alive, you'll be my bride? Jennifer - Ok. Elderly Old Man - YEE-HAW! (The Elderly Old Man takes off through Captain Big Lizard Creature Thing's colon. Jennifer heads through the intestines. The camera cuts outside to show the beast's face. He shows a puzzled look.) Jennifer - Now... If my calculations are correct, I should be able to wait here, and when he urinates, I will be free! FREE!!!! (Back in the colon.) Elderly Old Man - Now where am I supposed to go... And what's that smell? ________________________________________________________________________ *Back in the Mall parking lot* Jackie - Still waiting to be used decently in this story... ________________________________________________________________________ *Crestwood Hospital* (James is sweating and breathing hard.) Nurse - PUSH! PUSH! PUSH! I think I see a head..... No wait.. Wrong head. James - Ok. Nurse - PUSH!!! KEEP PUSHING!!! I'm not sure where it is going to come out... BUT PUSH! James - Ok. (All of a sudden we hear a large ripping noise. James' stomach rips open and out pokes an alien baby. It is screaming out.) James - Wow. (The alien baby pushes its way out of James and stands on his chest. The baby looks in James' eyes.) Alien Baby - MAMA! Nurse - Awwwww.... Isn't that sweet. (The alien baby turns around and stares at the nurse. He leaps and devours the nurse with one gulp.) Alien Baby - *burp* James - Cute. (The alien baby waves goodbye to James, he then busts through the hospital window and out into civilization.) James - Bye. ________________________________________________________________________ *Back in the mall* (Brandon and Mr. Hakky have ended the Greek threat. Everyone still alive is safe. Brandon and Mr. Hakky high-five each other. Just then Jackie walks back into the mall.) Jackie - Hey... Good job guys! (Just then the rest of the mall's roof is ripped off by Captain Big Lizard Creature Thing. He looks down and sees Jackie. He reaches down to grab Jackie. Mr. Hakky gives him a huge karate chop to the arm, his arm breaks off. Captain Big Lizard Creature Thing starts screaming... He messes all over himself... And out come Jennifer and The Elderly Old Man.) Jackie - What the.... (Just then Captain Big Lizard Creature Thing begins to shrink. He grows smaller and smaller and smaller and he...... Turns into...... *GASP* Richard Simmons?!??! Jackie walks over to Richard.) Jackie - Richard... Why did you do it? Richard - Oh shut up Jackie... You don't understand how it feels. When everyone thinks you are weird. I mean... I am probably the weirdest, most disgusting person in the world. (Just then Jon walks by.) Jon - Hey guys... (Jon passes by and heads out to the parking lot.) Richard - Boy... That made me feel A LOT better. (The Elderly Old Man gets up from the mess. So does Jennifer. The Elderly Old Man looks over at Jennifer.) Elderly Old Man - YEE-HAW! Get ready biatch, you'ze gonna be my ho! (Jennifer has a horrible look on her face.) (fade to black) ________________________________________________________________________ Exctasy Arcade 2002 NBC A Jon Production Next time on.... EXCTASY ARCADE It's time to plan a Wedding!!! James searches for his baby. Russ, Brian, Jason, Halley, and Karisa go Cruisin for guys and girls. and...... Did Melanie ever catch her car?