Ecstasy Arcade Episode 1 "The Beginning of the End" (The scene opens up to a small house in the middle of nowhere in Montana. The house looks bad. The door slowly opens and out walks an old man with a cane. He has little to no hair, and what hair he has life is gray. He looks up at the camera.) Old Man - What do you want? Can't you tell I'm old and want to die alone? What? You want to know what happened to me? Well...... It all started back in Huntsville, Alabama...... *dream sequence* Old Man - Back in the day I was the manager of an arcade in Madison Square Mall... Everything was going good... Until..... --------- Rick Schumacher - Ok. I'll see what I can do. Dance Dance Revolution. I'm sure we can get that game for you. Jackie - That will be cool! I have people asking me about it all time. They will be happy to know we are getting it. ----- Old Man - And with that, my life and everyone else’s life changed.... ----- (Jackie and some fat truck driver are unloading DDR from the back of a truck.) Jackie - Yep. This game is going to be cool. I can't wait to get it up and running. Fat Truck Driver *scratches ass* - Yup. *spit* ----- Old Man - And I should have known that this game was nothing but trouble from the start. As soon as I saw it, I felt something. ------ (We see the game set up in the store. Rick Schumacher and Jackie are standing in front of it.) Rick Schumacher - Wonderful. This will do wonders for business!!! Jackie - I hope so! ----- Old Man - Little did I know that it would do wonders for business, but ruin my life......... Forever....... ----- (Scene shows people playing DDR) Old Man - They all came... Day after day.... Those... Those.... evil people.. to play that evil game...... ("Unchained Melody" by The Righteous Brothers begins to play. The screen fades to black. Fade back in to the night's sky. We see stars. The title "Ecstasy Arcade" appears in the sky. It fades away. More appears: Staring: Brad Pitt as Jon Eric Estrada as The Evil Mexican Man Planning the Demise of DDR Richard Simmons as Queen DDR Harrison Ford as King DDR Jet Li as Russ Billy Bob Thornton as Jason Wayne Newton as Mike Betty White as Melanie Bea Arthur as Jennifer Danny DeVito as James Burt Reynolds as Jackie and Marlon Brando's ass cheeks as Keith Adams & Barbara Featuring: Danny Glover as Angry Black Man demanding tokens Mr. T as the UPS Guy Mel Gibson as Brandon Jackie Chan as Mr. Hakky Gary Coleman as Reggie That "Little Guy" that plays Timmy on that soap opera Passions as Gaurav Gary Coleman in a wig as Pooja Bob Saget as Brian Oprah as Brian's Mom Aunt Bea as Karisa Dom DeLuise as Daniel fade to black.... the music stops.) (The scene opens up to a mall. We see people walking in and out. The camera pans up and we see the words "Madison Square Mall". Fade.) (Fade back in inside the mall. There we see the arcade... Time Out... The Dance Dance Revolution machine blaring out throughout the mall. We hear beat after beat. A guy walks by in a white t-shirt and shorts. He has a towel over his shoulder. The camera follows him. He goes straight to the DDR machine. He pulls out what appears to be a small bag. Inside the bag appears to be something gold... No..... Tokens to play the machine. He puts his towel on the side of the machine and begins to stretch. Jackie walks up to the guy.) Jackie - Hey Jason, what's up? Jason - Not much. Jackie - Cool. *strange pause* (Another guy walks up. A very skinny guy with glasses. A woman is with him. An older woman. She too wears glasses. We will call these people Brian and Brian's mom. Brian is carrying a cup.) Brian - Hey guys, what's up. Hey Jackie, any news on 5th Mix? Jackie - No Brian, not yet. Brian - I hope it's soon. Brian's Mom - Me too! Jason - Yeah. Jackie - *sigh* (Jackie walks away. He pulls out his keys and opens a door. He walks into a room. He closes the door. I hate stupid descriptions like this. Here....... This is better: Jackie pulls out his keys, opens the office door, and walks in. Better? Yeah. By magic, our camera appears inside the office and we see Jackie. He walks over to the phone, picks it up, and begins to dial.) Jackie - Mr. Hayes, this is Jackie, just wondering when we will be getting DDR 5th Mix in. Mr. Hayes - YEE-HAW!!!! HOW YOU DOIN? Jackie - Ummmm..... Ok I guess. Mr. Hayes - THAT'S STUPENDOUS!!! Jackie - Ok. Mr. Hayes - IT'S A WONDERFUL BEAUTIMUSS DAY!!! Jackie - ... Mr. Hayes - TALK TO YOU LATER!!! *click* Jackie - Aww.... Shucks, he didn't tell me anything. *KNOCK KNOCK* (Jackie walks to the door. He opens it. And there stands the greatest assistant manager, the world's sexiest man, the all around greatest person ever, Jon. He is of course with 7 really hot girls.) Jackie - What's up. Jon - Not much. Just wanted you to meet a few of my friends. Jackie meet Bambi, Lexus, Janine, Chasey, Anna, Jenna, and Bunny. All Girls - Hey Jackie! Jackie - *blushing* Hey... ladies. Jon - Well, we just wanted to stop by and say Hello. They promised to take me out to lunch and then go buy me lots of things that I don't need and then take me back to their place for lots of sex. Jackie - Ok. Well have fun! Jon - I'll try... (Jon and his 7 ladies walk away.) Jackie - Oh how I wish I was Jon. (Jason walks up.) Jason - Man, did you see those girls? Jon is so lucky. I wish I were him. Jackie - I think we all do. I mean he has everything. The looks, the ladies, the charm.. He is smart, funny, sweet, kind, and well..... Fantastic. Jason - Yeah.... Fantastic..... (Jackie and Jason stare out in the food court. All of a sudden we hear the opening from the Good, the Bad, the Ugly. Jackie and Jason turn around and there stands Russ. He is wearing all black, a black hat, and a bandana. He also has a sword.) Russ - Yes. I am here. You may now rest easy. *bows* Jackie - Ummmm... Hey Russ. What did I tell you about bringing that sword to work? Russ - Oh... Oh... Sorry Masta Jackie. I go put it up. Jackie - No, that's ok. I'm ready to go. Just leave the sword out here on the counter so no one gets hurt with it. Russ - Yes..... Yes.... (Russ lays the sword down on the redemption counter. All of a sudden we hear a loud clap of Thunder.) Jackie - What the.... Russ - STAND BACK! I shall protect you. Jason - From what? (The lights in the mall go out. We hear people screaming. The lights come back on and on top of the redemption counter stands an evil..... evil...... man. He is dressed similar to Russ. He has Russ' sword in his hand.) The Evil Mexican Man Planning the Demise of DDR - So...... You think.... You can..... Defeat.... ME?! Russ - C. The Evil Mexican Man Planning the Demise of DDR - You dare....... challenge.......... ME?! Russ - C. The Evil Mexican Man Planning the Demise of DDR - And You....... You dare...... Bring in....... 5th Mix?! Jackie - ummmm..... C? The Evil Mexican Man Planning the Demise of DDR - AND YOU!!! You dare...... Play..... DDR?! Jason - *looks puzzled*..... C? The Evil Mexican Man Planning the Demise of DDR - *looks out into the food court* AND ALL OF YOU...... Dare....... Eat while..... I...... SPEAK?! Everyone in the Food Court - *no response* The Evil Mexican Man Planning the Demise of DDR - DAMN YOU ALL!!!! I WILL GET MY REVENGE!!! I WILL DESTROY DDR!!!! AND NO ONE..... AND I MEAN NO ONE..... CAN STOP ME!!! MWHAHAHHAHAHHAA!!!! YOU ALL WILL DIE!!! (All of a sudden the most incredible person alive and his 7 ladies walk by.) Jon - See you later guys!!! (This distracts The Evil Mexican Man Planning the Demise of DDR. He looks over at Jon, slips, and falls to the floor with the sword jamming into him... He dies instantly.) Jackie - JON!!! Jason - JON!!! Jackie - YOU SAVED US ALL FROM SURE DEATH!!! Jason - YOU ARE.... Jackie - YOU ARE..... Jason & Jackie - OUR HERO!!! Russ - C. (The scene cuts back to Montana. Old Jackie has fallen asleep. He is laying on the ground. Our camera man kicks him. He looks up.) Old Jackie - What?! Oh..... You're still here. Where was I? (The scene cuts back to the arcade.... The word "A few weeks later..." appear on the screen. We see the UPS man wheeling his cart into the arcade. He bangs on the office door. The door opens. It's Russ.) Russ - Hey. UPS Man - I pity the fool who don't sign for his package. (The UPS Man hands Russ the little machine you have to sign when you get a package. Russ signs it. The UPS Man throws a box in the floor.) UPS Man - I pity the fool... Russ - Have a good day? (The UPS Man walks away with his little cart. Russ takes the package and takes it inside the office. He opens it.) Russ - 5TH MIX!!!! (Russ grabs the CD and runs out screaming throughout the arcade.) Russ - 5TH MIX IS HERE!!! 5TH MIX IS HERE!!! (Everyone gathers around. Drool coming from their mouth.) Brian - PUT IT IN SO WE CAN PLAY! Russ - Ummmm...... I can't do that. Jason - Where is Jackie? Russ - I...... don’t know...... Jason - DAMN IT MAN!!!! (Jason and Brian assault Russ. They beat him down to the floor and start kicking him. Just then Jon walks in.) Jon - What's going on here? What are you guys doing? That's so mean! Be nice! (Jon helps Russ up.) Jon - Sorry about that. Russ - Gee Jon, you are so great. Jon - Now, apologize to him! Jason & Brian - We're..... Sorry.... *hanging their heads in shame* Jon - That's better... Now what seems to be the problem? Russ - We just got in 5th mix and they want to play it. Jon - Oh... Is that it? No problem. (Within 6 seconds Jon has DDR 5th Mix up and running.) Jason - Gosh.... He is...... Brian - So...... Russ - Fantastic..... Jon - Well, there ya go guys... I hope you have fun. I'm going out to help some orphans then I'm going to build a house for some poor old woman and then I'm going to give up one of my kidneys for a dying little boy. (Jon leaves. Brian, Jason, and Russ are all standing there in shock.) Jason - Can anyone be any better than him? I mean... He is.... Perfect. Brian - I wish I were only 1 percent as good as he is. Russ - Me too. (Jason and Brian begin to play.) ...the next day... Jackie - WHAT?!?!?! What do you mean Jon installed 5th Mix!??! He can't do that!!! I must uninstall it and do it myself!!! ...after the uninstall and reinstall... Jason - Jackie... The game just froze. ...a week later... Jackie - Ok Jon.. I'm sorry I redid your installation... but could you please fix the game so that it doesn't mess up anymore? Jon - Oh silly little Jackie. Of course. (Within 2 seconds, the game is up and running fine.) Jackie - Thanks pal. You are the best. You should be the manager. Jon - No Jackie. I don't need the money. You need it more than I do. I mean after all, all I need is the satisfaction of knowing I've helped people. Jackie - You are so great. Jon - No I'm not... I'm just.... human. (The scene cuts back to Old Jackie in Montana.) Old Jackie - Yeah... That Jon... He was the best. If it weren't for him, I probably would have ended up like this years ago...... *shakes head and begins to cry* Old Jackie - This.. This.. it's so..... *cries harder* Old Jackie - Why did it happen to me..... (The scene fades.... "A Story About A Girl" by Our Lady Peace begins to play. We see the picture of a "girl". A voice over by Old Jackie...) Old Jackie - That's "her".... The "girl"..... that.... ruined my life. (The song continues to play as we see various people playing DDR.) (song fades. Cuts back to Old Jackie.) Old Jackie - But.... It never would have come to that if it hadn't been for that damned machine. I mean... It got to the point where I would even dream about it!!!! (Dream Sequence...) (Black and White) Jason (dressed as Opie) - Paw. Can I go play DDR now? Jackie (dressed as Andy) - Did you do your chores like you were supposed to do Opie? Jason (as Opie) - Yeah Paw. I cleaned my room, I took out the trash, I did the dishes, and I even washed each pair of Aunt Bea's panties by hand. Jackie (as Andy) - Then I guess you can go play... Just don't hurt yourself now youngin'. (fade) Old Jackie - And the dreams got weirder... (aboard a starship.) (Jackie, Russ, and Melanie are wearing Starfleet uniforms on "the bridge" of the U.S.S. Arcadeprise.) Jackie - Captain's Log...... Rather small when erect...... I mean... Star date..... Ummmmmm.... Something or other... We are headed to Planet Konami where we are supposed to meet with Ambassador Jason and Princess James to talk of a treaty between the federation and the DDRians. Status number 1..... *flush* Jackie - Ahhhhh..... much better...... Russ - Captain.... Ambassador Jason is hailing us..... Jackie - On main viewer.... (Jason appears.) Jason - Ah..... Captain Jack. Nice to see you again. Jackie - Yes. Jason. We are here to talk about a treaty. Jason - WHAT TREATY?!?! NEVER!!! FIRE ALL DEATH WEAPONS!! MWHAHHAHHAHAA!!! (All of a sudden Princess James appears.) James - BUT NO!!! DONT DESTROY HIM!!! I LOVE HIM!!!! (As all the death weapons head for the ship Captain Jack goes crazy.) Jackie - FIRE BACK!!! SHIELDS UP!!! LT. MELANIE GET US OUT OF HERE!!! DAMN IT!!! HELP ME!!! *pulling out hair* Melanie - Calm down. Jackie - CALM DOWN!?!?!? ME?!?!?! I'm CALM!!! RUSSELL!!! What's the square root of 63,872,912,002? Russ - Damn it Captain, I'm Philippine not Chinese. (All the death weapons hit the ship and it blows up.) (fade.) Old Jackie - I couldn't escape it. (back to dreams) Jackie (as a contestant on Hollywood Squares) - I'll take RJ to block. Host - According to researchers.... Which of these two are most commonly found in relationships... Silence or Laughter... RJ - Jackie - Ummmmm..... I agree? Host - SILENCE!!! IS CORRECT!!! Jackie - What do I win? Host - It was just for the block dumbass. Jackie - =( Other Contestant (some fat whore) - I'll take Karisa for the win. Host - Karisa..... How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? Karisa - Like totally..... Ummmmm........ That's so much like a hard question! Like! Ummmm..... Totally...... So...... Like....... 10? Other Contestant (some fat whore) - I disagree..... Host - You're right!!! The correct answer is..... 2..... YOU WIN!!!!!! (Confetti falls from the ceiling onto the fat whore.) Host - You've won............ A FREE DDR MACHINE!!!!!! Fat Whore - YAY!!!! NOW I CAN LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!! Host - Jackie..... You lose.... and now you will be forced to WATCH DDR FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!! Jackie - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Jackie wakes up.) (fade back to Old Jackie.) Old Jackie - And the worst dream was yet to come...... (back to dreamland.) Jackie (as Mary Jane) - Oh Spiderman. You play DDR so well. *removes part of mask* *kiss* Spiderman - OH YEAH BABY... *removes mask all the way to reveal Spiderman is really Adam.* (Jackie wakes up in a cold sweat, screaming.) Jackie - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (back to Old Jackie.) Old Jackie - And that was the last straw. After that dream.... I knew I needed to seek help...... Professional help........... *To Be Continued* Episode 2: Jackie gets professional help..... Jon saves the world...... and we introduce more characters into the story (Gaurav, Pooja, Daniel, Keith, etc......) Episode 3: Enter Jennifer..... RJ fights a homeless man...... and we try to answer the question....... Who Loves Who? Episode 4: The Evil Hyper Curve is out to destroy everyone.... The Love Triangle...er..... Hexagon continues...... Episode 5: The Tournament... More to come.......?