The Adventure of Speags, Wasabe, and Alpancake
The day was Saturday, also known as March 11, 2006. We were going to the mall to film an experiment. In this experiment, I would be asking random girls to be my girlfriend for 5 minutes. So, we walk into the mall and we see a giant talking tree. After seeing this tree, Alpancake just has to start filming it. As soon as he starts filming, a security guard comes up to us and says, "you guys can not be filming here, you are going to have to leave." So we had to leave the mall just because we had a camera. So we headed down in a southerndirection to a bridge and filmed a short segment, which went a little something like this:
Speags: I am outside of the mall right now and we were going to do a little experiment where I was going to ask people to be my girlfriend for 5 minutes, but as you can see (holds up paper with an empty t-chart on it) we didn't really get to do anything because the mall won't allow cameras in it. CURSE YOU MAAAALLLLLLLLL (throws a rock at the mall).
Wasabe: (gets hit on head with rock)
Then we filmed another little segment where me and wasabe went across the bridge saying that we were going to find our next victims. So we go across the bridge and we get to an area with many shops and stuff. One of these places was Target. Now Target has millions of shopping carts lying around all over the place. So we film a segment where I, Speags with my tie and my giant sunglasses, say that i am going in a cart, then Wasabe says, "TO THE CART MOBILE" and moves his eyebrows up and down. Then Alpancake with his ultimate video camera skills zoomed in and out upon his face. Then Wasabe pushed me down the walkway in a shopping cart.
Now as I mentioned before, there were a ton of Target shopping carts. So, the good citizens that we are, decided to collect all the shopping carts and make them into a giant train and then bring our train of shopping carts into the store. During the time of our collection, I found a smaller cart from Joanne's Fabric Store and put into a Target Cart, this brought our attention to the fabric store, which will come into the story later. Also, We saw my archnemesis, Speags G. He walked into a game store and i told Alpancake to film him, so he walked passed the store and filmed him throught the window. Then as he walked out, he saw me walk by and then went back into the store. And another thing we were making our train in front of soem girl scouts selling girl scout cookies. They asked us to buy some, which I would have done if I had money. And Alpancake did not have money either. Now Wasabe on the otherhand, said he did not have money, but later he revealed that he had $25. But he had already broughten a box of girl scout cookies from home, so I guess it made it ok in a way. Wasabe also asked them for 2 of their empty boxes for no reason at all. I am glad he did though becasue they turned out to be useful. The girls scouts also made us move our cart train becasue we were blocking there selling area. So anyways, we made our train and realized it was too big to push into the store.
Then Alpancake says that we should go into Joanne's Fabric and ask them if they sell fabric there, which we never did. So I walk in there and find some cool cups, then I see Wasabe is looking for me, so i go up to him and show him the cup and he says we should buy some, that is when he reveals he has money. Then he sees a pole type thingy, then he asks a lady how much it is. Then we saw some talking puppets and Wasabe and I had a puppet show with a horse and a duck. Then Wasabe asks them if they sell coconuts there. Then we leave back to our shopping cart train.
So Alpancake has the idea of instead of pushing all the carts in at once, we decided to just push the carts in one at a time. So we got Alpancake filming us pushing the carts in. Wasabe pushes one in. Then I go in and push one in, with Wasabe following me since he i super quick like that. Then I walk out and Alpancake says that he had to stop filming because a security guard came out and said, "you are not aloud to film on the premises." This was starting to get a bit aggravating. Now what were we to do. Well, we went back into the fabric store. In here Wasabe sees a giant tiki torch. He then tells us that he is purchasing it. Alpancake and I go outside and film Wasabe standing in line with a giant tiki torch in his hand. Then Alpancake had another one of his brilliant ideas, but this one was the best. He said that we should put the camera in one of the girl scout cookie boxes and cut a hole throught it. So we go into Joanne's fabric and see if we can use free samples of scissors, that mission turned out to be a failure. We then remembered that Wasabe had a pen for the original experiment. So I went in their and asked Wasabe for a pen and i proceeded to violently punch a hole inside the box, trying to make people passing by think i am crazy. Once I finished putting the hole in, we placed the camera in and took it for a test run in the fabric store. So I walked in and filmed Wasabe at the checkout counter purchasing his tiki torch. Then we started walking out but Wasabe stopped for some reason, and I got to film a crazy old Mexican Lady yell out random gibberish, which was pretty entertaining. Then we walked out and joined Alpancake outside. At this point, a Mexican Security Guard walks by us and sees us with a camera, a tiki torch, a girlscout cookie box, and a guy wearing a tie and sunglasses. He was cool though, he just started chuckling and said, "What are you guys planning on doing?" We then replied with, "nothing." Then he just continued walking.
Now we were going to smuggle the camera into Target. So Wasabe walks in first, and the security guard does not seem to mind that he is walking in with a giant tiki torch. Then Alpancake walks in, then I proceed to walk in with my girlscout cookie box (we just left the other box out by the entrance). he doesn't seem to notice the camera hole so we walk in and we start walking down the aisle. If you are to watch the tape you would then see some sweet booty action and occasionly the bottom of a tiki torch. We then proceed to the frozen food section which Wasabe and Alpancake did not know they put in there. Then we got to an aisle filled with Peeps. At this point I hand the camera to Alpancake. Now Wasabe says how he should buy some peeps with his extra money and starts sharing his infinite wisdom about peeps. While he is doing this I quickly start running down the aisle and get on a little pink girl bike and start riding it back to the crew. While riding I almost run over a guy and quickly swerve out of the way. Then I ride it back and sloppily place it back on the bike rack. Alpancake gives me the camera back and puts it back more neatly. Then we head over to the section with all the keyboards and piano type things. I set the camera down and start playing some songs. I play part of Welcome to Tally Hall and then I play some of Chopsticks. Now if you were to watch the tape, everything after this point inside of Target would be black and then some of it would blue. But what we did was we looked at stuff, got a toy microphone and sang songs and yelled dumb stuff in it, put on a lot of hats, and probably some more dumb stuff that is not worth mentioning. After these things, we realized that it would look really suspicious if we walked out with a big girlscout cookie box. So the plan was that i was going to smuggle it out in my sweatshirt pocket (which was blue, hence why it is blue on the tape) while Alpancake and Wasabe would buy some candy. So I walk out with the camera and I get out fine. Now as I am waiting for the team to finish buying the candy, I am bored, so I stand up on top of a bench and start filming people. I filmed a couple cars that went by, one of which the whole family was watching me film them and it had a crazy old lady in it. Another memorable person I filmed was a guy walking and he waved at the camera thinking he was funny and then i just stood there and kept filming him and then he waves again and I just stand there and continue to follow him with the camera. Then he starts to walk faster. After watching the tape we realized that this guy might be someone from SNN. Oh yes, I also filmed a piece of trash.
So know at this point of the story, Alpancake and Wasabe have come out of the store and have rejoined me. They then tell me that they bought some altoids and made the cashier (which i guess was someone form Alpancake's English class) put into a bag. Alpancake also noticed that someone spit in our other girlscout cookie box. Once this happened, I started asking people if they wanted to be in a movie. The first guy said no and as soon as his back was turned I started filming him. I then continued to ask people if they wanted to be in a move and no one would say yes. Finally Some lady walks by and I ask her and she says, "it matters, what is it for and what is it about?" So I respond with, "It is just a movie I am making." Then she asks what she has to do. I say, "you have to say MMMMMMMM carpet." She then replies with this response, "Well I am on my break and I should probably get back to work." I then tell her to just say it real quickly. She then says, "MMMMMMMMM CARPET." I got that on tape. But that was the last thing that we did get on tape because the battery soon ran out afterward.
Now we are waiting for our ride to pick us up. As we are waitng we do stupid things. I take Wasabe's Tiki Torch and stand up on top of a bench and yell, "BEHOLD MY WRATH" to a group of people that walk by. Then shortly afterwords I take the torch once more and run across the street yelling random gibberish. I also start eating some of Wasabe's cookies. I then walk up to some lady walking with her son who was walking into Target and say, "Do you want a cookie?" She then looks at me with my tie on and my sunglasses on and then says, "You Wacko!" I found this amusing. Then I go back to Alpancake and Wasabe. We sit there for a while and then some guy walks up to us and asked us what was in the box. Alpancake opens it and shows him and tells him it is just stuff we bought (the bag was covering the camera). Then I told this man that there were also cookies in the box, then I offered him one. He declined. The I said, "they are poisoned." This man then said, "that's not good, you shouldn't poison a cop," he then showed us his badge. After he said this I ate the cookie. Then he complimented my tie and sunglasses and then he left. After watching the tape, we realized that this cop was the same guy I almost ran over with the bike. We waited some more, I stood in front of Target with Wasabe's tiki torch and stood there like one of those english guards. We then continued to wait and then finally our ride came. Wasabe stepped in the vehicle, then I, Speags went into the automobile, and then Alpancake started to step into the car, but before he shut the door he yelled, "THANK YOU, YOU'VE ALL BEEN GREAT!"