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| Dear Visitors, "I'm one to contemplate life, as I contemplate myself. And in this I realize that this whole universe is forever in its offerings. Ya know, people will say how there's not a place for 'em, but there's an enormity of places, ya just gotta choose one. I've found my place. Welcome to My Life as an Obi-Wan Action Figure Who is in Love With Ewan McGregor, I keep no secerets and I burrow into my life. 'Cause that's the kinda person I am." -excerpt from "the phantom me" You are most certainly welcome to stay a while, being the only limit is your tolerance to the sometimes strange and bizzare.... Sincerely, Obi-Wan Action Figure |
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| Episode 3 A Dinner Party of the Highest Sort |
| Missed an ep? Check out the Archives |
| Well, it had been a leisurely Friday evening, and I had sat down for a charming dinner with some of the other folks in the house. They were all yuppie of course and it made me feel like I stood out slightly from them; it was as if all my life I had lived in some sort of subordinate class to them. I couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. Yet again, it might have something to do with the fact that I was eight times their size. Bambi: It was so nice that you could make it tonight, Obi-Wan. Obi- Wan: Well thank you for inviting me!! I must say, this is the first time I've ever been invited�.to anything�. Comet: Well we're glad you're here, aren't we honey? Bambi: That's right! Gargoyle: I'll tell you quite frankly neo-conservatism is going to be the end of a free democracy! |
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| That was Gargoyle. I had heard about him through others as a hot-headed shouter of politics. He had the potential to really piss someone off, I'd heard. But, his rants were usually in such elaborate big words that I was lost from the start. I couldn't help but feel his presence was slightly annoying. Comet: Now Gargoyle, that's simply untrue, and you know it. Don't you get ever get the facts before you argue? Bambi: Comet- Gargoyle: Oh, I have facts! I have plenty of facts!!! I've done and in-depth investigation, and have viewed Fahrenheit 9/11 to the point where I have the entire film memorized, thank you VERY much! |
| Well, I was at a loss for words...What the hell does "frankly" mean? Bambi: Let's just enjoy our meal, *please* Comet and Gargoyle. The dinner table is not a place for politics! Gargoyle: Apparently, the rest of this nation isn't a place for politics either, being how we're practically George Orwellin' it over here!! |
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| Bambi: Gargoyle!!! (composes self) So, Obi-wan, did you enjoy your Christmas? Obi- Wan: Well, I didn't really get what I wanted for Christmas� Comet: What did you want for Christmas? Obi-Wan: Oh, well...Ewan McGregor. Bambi: Who's that? Obi- Wan: Who's that?! |
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| I was shocked, appalled, flabbergasted, hoodwinked, shut-eyed, lambasted, hoozlehummed, JEZEBELLED!! Actually, not really surprised. I had dealt with this many a time before; it was just another lost soul who hadn't seen his radiant light. My need to educate ran deep, along with several other feelings I don't want to discuss. Obi-Wan: Well Ewan McGregor is�..well, quite simply he is�..he's kind of�. Here, let me sing it for ya-- |
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| EWAN, Ewan MCGREGOR, You're the coolest guy around Wonderful and smart What a delightful little tart! (Symphony begins to play) I know I'm small, In the shadow of his greatness Many times I've called him God Don't think of that as lameness! |
| But oh to look upon that face not separated by a cell bars or a screen, Is that obscene? Because, he is attractive Makes me hyperactive Want to reach out an' grab him Sing him a fab hymn Wanna tell him of my love This is not very uncharacteristic of! |
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| Cause he is perfect in every way Makes me want to chant U-S-A!!! Like in the movie Miracle About those hockey players down on their luck But they win in the end Yea it's a really good movie And people chant USA with true affection And my love is like that Boundless and without direction! |
| -MEANWHILE- |
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| O EWAN, Ewan MCGREGOR Don't say no, Cause I love you so Made of plastic I may be But my hearts true, as you can see Right here in my hand! (Symphony concludes as he poses, there is a long pause) Gargoyle: I hate Bush! (Silence still) |
| Well, I didn't really know what to do next. I mean, I knew I went a little overboard. But it wasn't even my sudden musicality and accompaniment by a full string orchestra that brought the look of pure horror on their faces. I soon discovered that the lump I had felt in the wood floor during my number was actually the now flattened corpse of Jinx, their cat/mini leopard. |
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| Obi-Wan: I'm so sorry!! Comet: Well, she lived a long life... Obi-Wan: Is there anyway I can make it up? I know "Don't worry, be happy" by heart- Bambi: NO! That's quite alright, let's just eat, and we'll deal with...Jinx later. So we had dinner, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Bambi was a good cook. Comet is one lucky guy. I also in that time discovered that Bambi was a man. Could've fooled me! Seriously, toys these days! Seems you're either humano or homo! Yet, time began to stand still after dinner, and Gargoyle was now in full swing. He was so...annoying. Yet again, maybe it's just the fact that the spotlight wasn't on me, and for cryin' out loud I did a song and dance! |
| Gargoyle: So when we're all being drafted, don't come cryin' to me Comet! Comet: I don't wanna talk about it anymore Gargoyle, seriously, we have a guest! Well, seems there was a sudden dramatic spotlight change, on the set of the dining table! Here we go, ME TIME!! Comet: Well, I guess in the rush of dinner we kind of strayed from it, but how long have you been a fan of this�Eeewan McGregor? Obi-Wan: U-an. It's U-an. |
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| Comet: Oh. Obi-Wan: See, the E and the W create a U sound like "you". Therefore I guess you could say the E and W could be theoretically replaced by a single U. But the pronunciation is very important, and is commonly mistaken, obviously because of the spelling. Also, being a name of more foreign descent, sometimes it is easily mispronounced by us Americans�. Bambi: Well we'll remember that next time Obi-Wan, thank you. (There is a pause) Gargoyle: So when are you going to get a life? Bambi: Gargoyle! Obi-Wan: I'm afraid I've misunderstood you� Gargoyle: Well, all I can say is that I leave the movie star idolatry to the 12 year olds� Obi-Wan: Well, we have a disagreement then. See I don't believe that fanship is childish at all, I think it is in fact, a very supplemental and fulfilling part of life. Comet: Yes, I would say so as well. I'm a fan of several things! Like��Eric Clapton! Obi-Wan: Fanship is just something that brings happiness in my life, and my personal view is that one should be able to freely pursue their happiness. Gargoyle: Okay, easy their big guy! I meant no offense. You and that Eeewan guy can be happy as two peas in a pod! |
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| Now, he had done this on purpose, that sculptured piece of stone! I had thoroughly explained the proper enunciation. I guess now he had left himself with no choice but to die. Obi-Wan: It's U-AN!!! WITH A U, you ANNOYING, SHORT STATURED, BIRD NESTING JERK!!! Bambi: Please now, stop this- Gargoyle: Oh, BRING IT ON you pathetic hume!! He had called me a hume. The slang word for people who were humanosexuals and it was meant with hatred. This, my friends, was war. Reality was lost. (Moments later after much crashing and killing about) Comet: he's dead. |
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| Bambi: You reduced Gargoyle to rubble. Obi-Wan: I just lost it. I can't believe I've killed 2 things in such a small timeframe! Comet: Thank you, Obi-Wan. Thank you. Obi-Wan: What? Bambi: We were plotting to kill him, plotting for so long. Granted, you can tell, he's just...annoying. We can't take annoying. Annoying is not to be in our homes or to seep into our walls or to contaminate our water. It's not to cover us in a thin film or take residence in our lungs from the very air we breathe. Not annoying now, not annoying ever. Never, Never! And most definitely not now, no siree! |
| Bambi: Well, I still feel bad about their daughter, Comet; she always struck me as nice. Comet: Oh Bambi, she'd find her Gargoylian roots eventually, and then you'd be sorry! Bambi: But they're all gone now, we're finally free!!! The Sheep's, the Platypus's, the Trinket's, the Gargoyle's, all gone! Comet: Yep! We were going to poison his after-dinner drink with arsenic, but you saved us the trouble! Thanks buddy!! Obi-Wan: Yea�.you're welcome�heh heh�. |
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| Well, claiming the title of serial killer in less than 30 minutes, one by accident, and the other by rage, I had had enough. Besides, the fact that this seemingly charming couple were just two doubtfully sane murderers was enough to politely excuse myself out the door. So much for friends and possibly crawling out of the depths of my lonely patheticness. I guess the only people interested in me are pyscho, irration-phobic killers.. Sigh sigh, woe is me. Well I gave them my dearest thanks and goodbye's, wouldn't want to be "annoying" and strolled.......sprinted home. Obi Wan: Bye! Comet and Bambi: Goodbye! |
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| I've bolted the door shut, boarded up the windows, and have feverishly built a bomb shelter. Why I have done the third, I'm not so sure. Yet, with this glass of warm milk in my belly these panicked nerves should calm. Hopefully the rest of the neighbor's won't be nearly as murderous. But, never mind them now. I'm going to snuggle into my cozy computer chair, and from the glow of the monitor� I've got readin' to do!!! |
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| a Torr production. Please don't steal these pics or dialouge, they are my creations. and once again I stress "fun" for this..not meant to be offensive or profit making. If you have questions, e-mail me. |