I did my Open Talk today.  It didn't go well.  I started out OK, but I was very very nervous.  After about 15 minutes into it, I am not sure how long really, I sort of froze, and just quit talking.  Everyone was very nice about it, but it fucking sucked.  I felt like puking.  I still feel kind of like shit.  I came home and ran a mile on the treadmill, to try and kill some of the nervous energy, it helped a little.  If I am honest, I must admit that after the talk, and dropping a fellow cult member off, I thought about buying a bottle of booze.  I felt that bad about how I did.  It was a fleeting thought, but it was there.