Chapter15

Sneaking Suspicions

Chilandrea stood in front of the mirror that reflected her newly dressed image. Molandra had pleaded with up to this very day for her to wear white. 'It's traditional,' she had said. 'Everyone will be expecting an angelic beauty, not one who looks about to enter mourning.' She now wore a long gown with large skirts, lace sleeves and collar, a small tiara of silver and a lace veil.

It was all black.

And this was her wedding day.

The prince stood in the corner of her room watching her stare at her reflection in sadness. Her veil was drawn down over her face and he could not see if she was crying or merely blank. "Merrick is a nice man," she said quietly.

"I'm sure he will make an honorable and loving husband," Horace said in reply.

"Yes, I'm sure he will," she whimpered. "But isn't it strange how alike brothers can appear? There will never be a day that I look at him and not think of Alexander." She turned to Horace, her eyes blazing through the veil. "How will I ever hide it from him?"

Horace knew that with any other woman, a hug or a shoulder to lean on would have been acceptable, but he knew better than to touch her. He would have to comfort her some other way. "Chilandrea, I know you love each other, but you must marry Merrick. If you cause your love to be known, Alexander will surely be killed. Do you want that to happen?" She shook her head solemnly. "I'm sure you'll eventually learn to love Merrick and be able to live with him and that's what you must do. Don't let this overwhelm you. It's not worth it."

"How do you know?" she cried. "How do you know that our love is not worth all the power in the world? I've been lying for so long now, and for what reason? To keep my happiness in the dark. I don't think I can lie anymore! I would gladly give up everything I have -- everything I know -- to spend my life with him, but that's not allowed. Why? Why does this have to happen to us? I could only be happy dead!" From behind her back, hidden in the sash tied around her waist, she pulled out a small ornate dagger, pressing the point to her chest.

"No, Chilandrea! Don't!" He lunged forward, thinking of grabbing the dagger away, but realized he might touch her in the process. Stopping quickly, he also noticed that she hadn't actually attempted to stab herself yet.

With her free hand, she threw back her veil and glared at him defiantly. Her eyes flashed like the cold steel of the blade. "Perhaps if you gave me a sufficient reason why I should live, I might consider your plea."

His mind raced, trying to find some way to stop her. "You've said yourself that they look alike. I'm sure Merrick would love you just as much as Alexander has, but maybe you could also love him in return as much as you love Alexander."

"No!! I won't replace one love for another! It doesn't work that way!"

"But maybe you could see Alexander in his brother? It may be possible that you could love the likeness between brothers." Her hand relaxed slightly. He cautiously reached in and removed the dagger from her grasp without touching a hair. He let out a heavy sigh of relief. "You've also lain with Alexander these last few nights. Lay with your husband, Merrick, tonight, and when you know that you're with Alexander's child, tell Merrick it is his own. You will have Alexander with you forever in his child even if you stay with Merrick." Horace waited until she pondered this idea. "Alexander may live in a place where you two may never meet, but his soul will live on in your child letting you stay together for as long as the child is with you."

"And if I conceive Merrick's child instead of Alexander's, what would I do? There is no way I could tell the difference between the two unborn babes, and I may end up caring for a child I do not want!"

"Is there anything you can do to see if you are already with child?"

"No. Only a premonition could tell me, but that would be by pure chance. That is one thing I have in common with other women; I must wait."

"You can always hope, though."

She stared at the floor in thought. She hadn't seen Alexander since that night in the West wing. He'd always kept his promises. Her heart broke just thinking about it. She longed to see him, yet knew that doing so would be taking back what she had insisted on. She made up her mind. "Would you please send for Alexander? I would like to speak with him one last time."

"Of course." Horace nodded and left, leaving Chilandrea to return to staring at her solemn reflection.

"This will be the most saddening day of my life." Her vision blurred as tears welled up in her eyes, rolling slowly down her cheeks. There was a knock on the door and she turned to greet Alexander -- but was met with Merrick.

"Chilandrea, my dear! Why do I see tears?"

"Merrick! You frightened me!" she cried taken aback.

"But that doesn't explain those tears. Why would you cry on our wedding day?" he asked concerned. He reached his arms out and took her hands lovingly, kissing her wrists. "This isn't a sad day for you, is it?"

"No, no. I... cry from happiness. I'm glad to be marrying such a man as you," she lied. She put a fake smile on her face, trying to be as convincing as possible. It seemed to work because he smiled and wiped one of her tears away with his thumb. He was so na�ve, so blind with love that he couldn't see her wandering eyes. She didn't want to hurt him but knew that one day she would.

He kissed her forehead and said, "Dry your eyes, love, and prepare for our marriage. We'll be wed by noon." Hugging her, he pressed her head to his shoulder.

Horace fetched Alexander in his chamber, passing Merrick along the way. As Horace made his way to Alexander's room, he thought of possible ways to make Chilandrea do what she needed to do to keep them both alive. "Alexander, you are my dearest friend, and I know how much you love her. But you know as well as I that she cannot stay with you. She must marry your brother or both of your lives will be lost."

"If there were a way for us to be together without consequences, we'd be happy. Instead, this so called Divine Law tears love apart. I want her to be safe and happy, even if I'm not there with her. Yet, with Merrick, I fear she'll never be happy."

"Why would she be continuously be miserable?"

"Because we can't see each other and she will never love him."

"But could there be a way that would make her happy to be with Merrick?"

Alexander's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What are you suggesting?"

"Is it possible that you could make her believe you don't love her?"

"Are you saying that I should break her heart to save my neck? NO! I won't do it! We've already sealed our fate as one! It would bring her dream to reality and I couldn't do that to her."

"But maybe it would give her a happier life with your brother if she thought that you were--"

"An evil minded man with more loins than brains."

"Er... yes, in a matter of speaking."

"If she thought she wouldn't be betraying my heart, then she'd be betraying her own. She'd curse herself for falling for me. I can't let her do that."

Horace sighed. "I see. I have already talked with her, and it's possible that she could be happy caring for your child rather than Merrick's."

"But then why would you tell her to do one thing and me another? Are you trying to sabotage us?"

"No, I'm just trying to help you two discover a way to solve this mess." He paused, noticing the dismay on Alexander's face. "In any case, she's asked to see you before the wedding."

"Then why do we delay? I must answer her!" He started for the door, but Horace grabbed him hard stopping him. "What are you doing? Let go of me! We have to--"

"Do not be so hasty. I passed your brother on your way here, and he was headed for her room. If you burst in there in the delirium you're in now, all is lost. You must be calm and controlled. Make it seem as if you are in need of her counsel. You request privacy to decide whether you should return home or go off to battle."

"Battle? I heard of no impending war."

"You say that you had a very convincing dream of battle with an invading army and you wonder if it was a vision. I could also join you later to assure your dream, saying there seems to be a threatening army on the border. It should be convincing enough, right?"

Alexander smiled. "I think I even believe it!"

"Good, now you can go forth to her chambers as slowly as you would normally to speak of your dream. Elaborate it and make it as violent as you can so it's believable. If Merrick doesn't believe you, I'll be there to back you up. You two should be alone soon enough to do what you wish before the wedding."

"Thank you, Horace. You are a dear friend." He hugged him and walked calmly through the halls. He quickly imagined the gore of the battles he'd been in, elaborating it to his advantage knowing that Merrick was easily nauseated. The descriptions of the gouges and blade gashes, the shrieks and groans of pain, the feel of a blade piercing through your own flesh. Merrick should be green in no time at all.

Alexander could feel his heart pounding through his chest as he reached the great hall, noticing that Molandra stood waiting for him. He stopped, keeping himself hidden in the shadows gaping at her. Her eyes stared directly at him as if she could see through the darkness. She looked very stern and stone faced and he felt like she knew of his criminal deeds. He took several deep breaths calming his pulse and clearing his thoughts of Chilandrea. It wasn't easy. Having been with her for the past two weeks was bliss, yet any remnants of their passion in his mind would seal their doom. He tried concentrating on creating the dream tale so it could even be believable to Molandra when she read his mind.

Just as he was about to step forward out of the shadows, he realized that she must have known of his obsession with Chilandrea at the beginning. Chilandrea wouldn't have kept that from her All High Priestess. If Alexander approached Molandra with no thoughts of his love, she would almost immediately realize that something was going on. So, maybe this wouldn't be as difficult as he thought. All he needed to do was keep the images of the past few nights out of his head and they would be clear. Right, he thought. This shouldn't be too difficult.

He stepped out of the shadow, noticing Molandra had not shifted her gaze from where he stood. She made him extremely nervous and he wouldn't try to hide that. He walked towards her, keeping her constantly in his sight, stopping before her. "Lady Priestess. Good morning."

She glared at him spitefully. "Very good morning. A wedding day -- especially that of a priestess -- is always blessed with happiness and peace."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. I hope that my brother's marriage makes them both happy."

"But it won't make you happy, will it?" she asked, making Alexander flinch. "I know of your obsession with Chilandrea and the hatred for your brother. Did you think I wouldn't?"

"I suppose not. I assumed that she would tell you of my outburst in fear that I might do something drastic. Yet, thankfully, I've behaved like as much of a gentleman as a brutish warrior can."

"You'd be wise to stay far away from Priestess Chilandrea. Getting too close to her can cause terrible things to happen." A cold fire flashed in her eyes and Alexander felt a strong fiery flame begin to burn below his waist. He looked down and saw little wisps of smoke emitting from his breeches and he began to cry out. Just as he began to jump about, the pain and smoke stopped.

"What are trying to do?!"

"I'm simply trying to warn you of the consequences that would come from getting too close to a priestess," she replied calmly.

"I know the consequences of touching one, Lady, and setting a man's pants aflame was not one of them!!"

"It's simply a warning. Worse things happen as a result of breaking Divine Law."

"I know, Lady," he growled. "I have behaved well." He patted his pants to make sure there were no more stray flames and began to storm off towards Chilandrea's chambers.

"Then what would you want with her so close to her wedding?" she called after him tauntingly.

Halting, he could feel the anger burn inside him hotter than the fire previously housed in his breeches. "I am in need of her counsel," he said gritting his teeth.

"But why not my counsel, Sir Knight? I am closer than she is. Why go so far out of your way?"

"I trust her judgment more than I trust yours. She told me of the penalties without having to set fire to any part of my body."

"I see. Then it would have nothing to do with your interest in her? Your animal lust for the unattainable prize?"

He thought of how Chilandrea had said those same words when he'd first confessed his feelings to her. His heart beat fiercely. "I can't say that I'll stop feeling the way I do. I will continuously want her, but I will accept whatever comes to me in the near future. My destiny does not lie in my hands, but I will allow it to happen with or without my approval." He continued on to Chilandrea and did not stop no matter how much Molandra wanted to keep him there.

He reached the large doors of her chambers and could hear his brother's voice cooing softly to her from the other side. A sickened feeling panged in his stomach and he actually felt the stab of jealousy.

"Chilandrea," he heard Merrick say. "Why must you live in seclusion? You choose to stay away from people and life. Once we are married, I would like us to live closer to the king. It's not good for you to be so separated."

"I like being separated. I can do what I want with no disturbance to anyone else and they will not disturb me. I do not like the clamber of close life."

There was a silence and Alexander suddenly knew what his brother was thinking. "Well," Merrick muttered, "I guess in some cases the distance from people is a good thing."

Alexander heard Chilandrea gasp in shock at Merrick's directness. Before Merrick could do anything more to disgust Chilandrea, Alexander knocked loudly on the door and let himself in. Chilandrea stood quickly from the seat near the fire, obviously glad to him. Merrick, though, spotted Alexander, got to his feet from kneeling in front of her and looked at him in disgust. He seemed upset to be interrupted. "Oh, I'm sorry, Lady. Am I disturbing you? I can return later..."

Merrick opened his mouth to say yes, but Chilandrea spoke first. "No, no! You are welcome here. Is there something you need?" she asked sounding relieved.

"But, my dear Chilandrea," Merrick protested, "we were busy discussing our marriage and where we would live--"

"But Merrick, darling, Alexander is obviously distraught. I should hear what he has to say. We can always discuss our home after the wedding. We have the rest of our lives to talk."

Merrick brooded over this for a moment and said, "Fine. I shall wait. Go ahead Alexander."

"Merrick, I would much rather receive her counsel in private. I would not want anyone else here."

"I'm not leaving my bride alone with another man; especially not my brother!"

"Merrick!" shouted Chilandrea. "Do you not trust me?"

"I trust you. It is him I do not trust."

"I must counsel the people the way they ask me to. It is to make them feel more comfortable. If he desires to be alone, let him be."

"No!"

Sighing, she turned to Alexander and spoke. "Is it possible for you to tell me your troubles in his presence?"

"Yes, if I must. I had a dream recently of a vicious battle. I saw it all playing out from above and later from inside it. It was the most gruesome battle I have ever witnessed. Some men came with great maces, others with accurate crossbows. But the most horrifying thing I saw was the group of men that carried with them huge pots of boiling tar. Any man that came in their path would be doused in it, their cries and screams of suffering ringing out to others as a warning. The sound of searing flesh from the boiling tar echoed in my ears. I could smell it." As he told the tale, he watched Merrick. His face had paled and he began to sway to and fro in a sickened trance. Alexander was getting his point across very well.

"Enough!" Merrick finally shouted. "I see now that you wanted privacy. But I do not understand what good describing it all does."

"I need to know whether I should take this as a sign that I should go to battle to die, or if it was simply a fever dream."

"Why would you want to go to die?" asked Chilandrea.

"I don't, but I woke just before it seemed I would die. Shall I continue?"

Merrick looked nervous at the mention of more horrific descriptions. "That's it, no more! I give up!" He stormed towards the door. "Get your counsel in private, but never show your face to me again once this wedding is final!" He slammed the door shut behind him.

Alexander bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. Looking back to Chilandrea, he saw her put a finger to her lips, warning him to stay quiet. "I have heard no news of the battle you speak of. Does this dream seem that real? It could just be a result of the last battle you were in," she said calmly. He noticed that she wasn't looking at him, but staring at the wall behind him.

He realized that she must be watching Merrick through the wall. "It was very real," Alexander continued, moving closer to her. He leaned in almost able to touch her, and spoke at her neck to make her feel his breath. "I could see, touch, taste and smell everything around me. What do you think? Should I describe the events leading to my death?"

Her eyes shifted from the door along the wall towards the great hall. She looked up at him and he could see the desire in her eyes. "No, that is not necessary. Was that dream truth, or did you fabricate it?"

"Did you like it?" he asked lowering his voice. "It was Horace's idea."

"And you elaborated it all on your own? You really are quick on your feet." She finally leaned into his arms, sighing with relief. "What took you so long to get here? Your brother was beginning to frighten me."

"I... ran into Molandra along the way." Chilandrea raised her head with a jolt.

"Molandra? What happened? Did she question you at all? What did you say? What did you think?"

"Calm down. I acted as nervous as I usually am around her and your face was floating around in the back of my mind the whole time. I don't think she noticed anything out of the ordinary."

"Oh, good," she said sighing. She let her head fall to his chest, hugging him tighter. "I was hoping for much more time. All of this is happening so quickly." She took a deep breath. "I felt so confident before you arrived. Now, the only thing I fear is our discovery."

"We shouldn't be made to fear love. We can't hide it forever." Pulling slightly away from her, he peered into her eyes with a plea. "This is our last chance. We can run from this, run away to be together."

"But... the wedding... your brother..."

"Fuck the wedding! You don't want it! We can leave and never come back!"

"And what if they find us? The order knows how to find a stray priestess, I've seen it done. I know how it works. What happens then?"

"We run further. You know how it's done, then you can find ways around it. They can't follow our tracks forever."

Tears had begun to form in her eyes. "But we cannot run forever. You can't expect me to run whenever we're about to be caught. That could be everyday; everywhere we go. Neither of us can do that."

Alexander's brow furrowed and his lips tightened in frustration. "But couldn't we try for a little while? Just so we can be together for a little while longer."

"I wish I could do that, but it would only prolong the fear and suffering. Our happiness would suffer from it and never measure up to our pain. I wouldn't be able to take it. And when they found us and took you away from me... I would die..."

Alexander paused. "Then this will be our last time alone together." They pulled each other close and held tight. Chilandrea's tears were warm against his skin. "I don't want this moment to end. I don't want you to marry Merrick."

"I have to," she whispered. "But I'll always love you. No ceremony can change that. And no one can change what I hold inside me." She believed that he would take that statement as meaning her love for him, which -- in a way -- she did. But mostly she knew that by the end of that week she would be with child and may never know to which brother it belonged. Whatever she did, she would raise it with Merrick, but when it was old enough she would tell it of Alexander. The two would keep it secret from Merrick, but she would make sure the child knew that Alexander was the true father. Maybe one day the child would encounter Alexander and they would be able to show the world the truth about her order.

Suddenly, she felt a presence drawing near and she gasped. "Chilandrea?" asked Alexander, concerned.

"Someone's coming. Quickly." She pushed him away and went to the fire. "You must start speaking of the dream again or... make something up!"

"Uh..." He sat down in the nearest chair and began to speak of the nightmares he'd been having. "I can see various demons, snakes, and fiery pits stretching out before me, and yet when I turn around I face a brutal, bloody war. Everywhere I see inevitable peril. I fear there's some power pushing me towards my death, and it wants to be torturous."

The door opened on its own and Molandra soon stepped through. Alexander stood nervously. "All High Priestess, what are you doing?"

"I came to see my prot�g� on her wedding day; to make sure she stays out of trouble. What, may I ask, are you doing?"

"I told you before -- I am in need of her counsel."

"On dreams? Dear boy, don't you know that dreams have no impact on daily life? Especially in a non-magic person such as you! How silly! He's so easily swayed by dreams!"

"Molandra, why are you so unkind? You know as well as any priestess that dreams have a large impact on one's daily life. Even some of the least magical people can have premonitions in their dreams."

Molandra glared at Chilandrea. "Why are you so defiant of me lately? First it is your wedding dress, and now it's dreams. Someone must be enchanting you. Have there been any signs of dark magic lately?"

"Why does it have to be magic? Am I not capable of defiance on my own? Can I not begin to do my job and live my life without your authority hanging over my head!?" Chilandrea screamed.

"But this is the way it is done! The All High Priestess watches over new priestesses in their first year! You know that!"

"But I'm different! You told me that I was more independent and powerful than any other! Do I really need you counsel at all times of the day?" Chilandrea's passion was flaring in all emotions. Her anger was causing her eyes to tear, and something told Alexander that she wanted to tell Molandra what this was really all about.

Molandra had quieted and looked completely astonished, yet Chilandrea continued her rants. "There are many other priestesses besides me. I'm sure they need your help much more than I do. If I need anything I can always contact you, but you are always nearby. You may stay for my wedding, but I want you to be gone by noon tomorrow."

Molandra's mouth was agape in shock. Barely any sound escaped but a short sputtering noise. "Well," she scoffed. "How dare you! I have been nothing but caring and helpful to you and what you do here, and this is how you repay me? I have been like a mother to you! You cannot throw me out!"

"Yes I can, and I will. You will leave this kingdom tomorrow and not return unless you have news or I summon you. Is that clear?"

Molandra's eyes shifted from Chilandrea to Alexander, making his skin cold. He became nervous and looked away, but felt her cold stare on the back of his neck. "This is all your doing!" she growled.

He looked back up with wide eyes. "Excuse me?"

"You are the cause of her change of heart. She was silent, obedient, powerful, and intelligent, and then you arrived causing her to doubt me. You and your animal desires have driven her to doubt!"

"Molandra!" Chilandrea spat.

"You had to tell her you loved her so you could weaken her! yet your love is false! You wanted to possess her so entirely that you drove yourself to lies to bend her to your will! Well I won't have it!"

"Molandra!!"

"She won't be ruled by her emotions anymore. You cannot control a priestess with your lusty mind games!"

"I beg your pardon?" he asked but didn't wait for an answer. Molandra had raised her hands intending to do something lethal to him.

"No, Molandra!!" Chilandrea cried and threw her own hand up in protest, stopping Molandra from moving. Small sparks danced along Molandra's fingertips that pointed straight up. "I won't let you hurt... my husband's brother."

"Let me go, Chilandrea. You don't know what you're thinking."

"Nay. You have been unbelievably evil to Alexander since you heard of my premonition. If you would stop treating him this way, perhaps you would see that he is an honorable man. Have you ever wondered if your anger is what could cause my vision to solidify?" Letting her hand down but not allowing Molandra movement, Chilandrea stepped towards her. "How could you accuse me of being ruled by my emotions when you see how you are doing the same? You would kill an innocent man to keep me from falling into a trap of lust, desire, and animal behavior. Yet look at me. I am marrying today. You should have no more worry now."

"I only want your powers to be fulfilled. Your destiny is to be great, and any distraction could prevent it. You should not have to settle for less than you deserve!"

Chilandrea looked into Molandra's eyes. "My decision is final. You will leave this man alone and leave this castle tomorrow."

Molandra's hands dropped to her sides. The expression on her face showed her shattered dreams for Chilandrea. "You don't know what you've just done." She glanced between Chilandrea and Alexander and turned to leave. "Examine your conscience, Chilandrea. You will soon be judged." Molandra walked out the door and disappeared.

Alexander went towards Chilandrea but she signaled him to stay put. Her eyes told him that she could sense something. "Sir Knight, come here and I'll show you your dream's truth." She conjured sand and threw it on the floor, kneeling beside it. She wrote a small phrase in the ancient language in the sand: Lye aa' ilelea he, nan' re neva sal'.

He knelt beside her, translating the words in his head and nodded. He watched as the words quickly rewrote themselves into strange shapes that he could only imagine were symbols representing different elements of his dream. "What of your All High Priestess, Lady? Will she be well again?"

"I do not know, Sir Knight. I wish her well, yet I do not wish ill on your innocence."

"Nor do I on myself or on you. But, I am hardly innocent. Yet what do you see in the sand?"

"I see no war, no army, no danger... no lady in your near future. I see the wedding completed and you alone."

"Is that your interpretation or truth?"

"I see what I see, and I see you alone."

"Lady... what do you mean by this?"

"Why, simply that I do love you, but must marry another. Goodbye, Alexander. You must leave me now to your brother."

He watched her stare into the sand and felt a dull aching in his chest. The passion they'd felt all this time seemed trivial and painful to think of. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "No matter what occurs, my love will not fade." He looked into her eyes for a moment, kissed her forehead and quickly left the room, his cloak billowing behind him.

Watching him leave, Chilandrea could only think of what this meant -- he would live. This was all for the best. For the best. It all repeated in her mind as she cleaned the sand from the floor and prepared herself for the wedding.

For the best.

On to the next chapter!
Back to the start...

<<<- Previous

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws