Joey Styles - Kick ass!!

Tom Stone - I think Pihulak now has 4 nutz!! That may have happened to this rejects father... Maybe thats why he is who he is today!!!

The Informer - You're insane. Sean "The Eliminator" Pihulak goes to the top again, Lynn is up... Clothesline off the top!! He goes for the cover, 1.... 2.... Kickout!! That was a close one! The Eliminator picks up Jerry Lynn, Lynn swings for a clothesline, Sean Pihulak hooks his arm..... TOTAL ELIMINATION!!!!! Mike Hunter counts, 1..... 2..... 3!!! Mr. X has picked up his first EWA win since his return!!

[Sean "The Eliminator" Pihulak won the match in 6 minutes and 37 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Sean "The Eliminator" Pihulak!!

Joey Styles - Can we go home now?

Tom Stone - I hate jobber matches.... Man, I wish I had my trusty mid-card match pillow.

The Informer - Since I seem to be the only one interested in the match, Rockwell with a Fisher men suplex on blackman... One... Two... NOOOO!! Blackman kicked out! Rockwell and Blackman on there feet... they tie up.... Rockwell with a knee to the gut then followed up with a neck-breaker.

Joey Styles - I wonder if there are any chicks in the audience?

The Informer - I dunno dude, why don�t you go and see?

Joey Styles - Cause I�m getting a bonus for doing this.

Tom Stone - YOU WEREN�T SUPPOSED TO TELL HIM DUMBASS!!! NO RAISE FOR YOU!!

The Informer - Hahahahaha... Rockwell with a pump handle slam on Blackman. Scott follows up with a figure four on Blackman. Blackman is struggling for the ropes.... he might..... HE GOT �EM!! Rockwell is forced to let go. Rockwell is just plain out beating Blackman�s ass. Rockwell with an elbow to the face follows up and locks him in a dragon sleeper? Well, he�s the one in the ring. Blackman Flips around and ends up behind Rockwell and gives him a good kick to the back of the head.

Tom Stone - Man, did you do something with my pillow? I swear I had to under the booth before the show.

The Informer - No, why would I steal your stupid pillow? It�s better when your asleep.

Tom Stone - Good point. Where is that damn thing?

Joey Styles - Dude, I�m sitting on it, these chairs are damned uncomfortable.

Tom Stone - DAMN YOU! GIVE IT BACK!!

Joey Styles - NO!!

Tom Stone - I�m the owner of this company, I can fire your ass!!!

Joey Styles - Fine biatch... here!

The Informer - Back in the ring there has been some excitement Rockwell hit a devastating DDT on Blackman! Rockwell lifts up Blackman and kicks him in the gut, puts him in the powerbomb position, could this be it? Yes it is, he modified version of the Crucifix powerbomb.... ANGEL�S HATE!!! One... two... TTTHHHRREEEE!!!!!

[Scott Rockwell won the match in 9 minutes and 23 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Scott Rockwell!!

Joey Styles - *rubs his eyes* I gotta do this more often!! I get alot more sleep!!

Tom Stone - We almost done this show???

The Informer - Barely. Crazy Wild Man and BlackOut lock up....

Joey Styles - Aren't they both fighting tongiht, again??

Tom Stone - Yes... good point!! Be right back...

The Informer - Uhh.....

[Stone grabs a mic, and runs into the ring...]

Tom Stone - Woah woah woah guys.... Aren't you both fighting tonight, in another TOUGHER match?? [Both men nod] Then why must I watch another jobb-- I mean, another match?!?! Both of you get your asses backstage, or take me on in a handicap match!!!

[BlackOut looks at Stone, then looks at who his tag team partner would be.... And leaves the ring. Crazy Wild Man does the same.]

Tom Stone - I thought so!!

[Suddenly, "Enter Sandman" blasts out of the speakers as Triple Threat run to the ring. Justin nails BlackOut with a cane to the back of the head in the entrance way... Taz and Sandman set up the table and chair inside the ring. Justin carries BlackOut to the top turnbuckle, Sandman stands on the opposite turnbuckle waiting for the signal. Taz nails the Tazmission suplex onto the table. Sandman jumps and nails a Moonsault onto Blackout, who's busted open at the mouth and head. Triple Threat stand there laughing. Sandman picks up the mic and says... "We've got the balls, if you got the time". He throws the mic down and Triple Threat leave.]

Jory Styles - YES!!!! YES!!!! MY BOYS!!!!!!!!!

[The Informer quickly backhands him.]

[No Contest in 3 minutes and 22 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Ladies and Gentlmen, this match has been ruled a No Contest!!

Tom Stone - Welcome Brink! Brink will fill Joey Styles' position for this one match..... Glad to have you on the show... *mumbles* for once..

The Brink - Uh... Yeah... Sure man, no prob... I'm glad to be here...

The Informer - Wish I could say the same...

The Brink And Tom Stone Simultaneously: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

The Informer - *under his breath* fuckers... Anyways... As I was gonna say... Let's get to the match between...

Tom Stone - TWO JOBBERS!!

The Brink - Damnit b, PoP is pretty damn good, and if you'd take your eyes off of my skillz for one second, you'd notice that...

The Informer - For once Brink, I think you're right...

The Brink - You damn right I am, now let's get to the damn match, I have a feeling that it's gonna be a good one...

The Informer - Yeah, I think we better do that... Stone, lead things off for us...

Tom Stone - Soda with a hanging vertical suplex on Weapon now! Weapon not really moving hardly at all... but Soda is persistant! Soda picks Weapon up, and nails him with a neck breaker!

The Brink - Damn, he just laid that foo down!

The Informer - Yes, thank's Brink, for putting it in laymans terms for all of the south west side viewers out there... Weapon dazed, but he appears to be regaining some consciousness! PoP lunges, but Weapon dodges! Weapon walks over... BAM!! Weapon opens him up with a 320� Russian DDT!!

Tom Stone - What the.... Is he thirsty??

The Informer - WHAT?!?

The Brink - That fuck stole my move! Somebody's always gotta be stealin my moves...

Tom Stone - Soda gotta POPPED! Weapon walks up, and executes a side russian leg sweep!

The Informer - Yeah, his name is PoP... not Soda! Anyways, PoP up now, as he gets Weapon with a face to the turnbuckle! You know what's comin, don't ya Brink?!?

The Brink - A nosebleed?

The Informer - PUUUURREEE PERRFFECCTTIONN!!!

Tom Stone - Soda nailed it perfectly!! Mike Hunter with the count! 1... 2... 3!!!

[PoP won the match in 17 minutes, and 45 seconds]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, PoP!!

Joey Styles - Zzz... Zzz...

Tom Stone - Zzz... zzz... Zzz...

Joey Styles - Zzz...

Tom Stone - Zzz... Zzz....

Spanish Announcer From The Table On The Right Side - Yo quiero... somethin somethin... WAKE THOSE AMIGOS UP!!

Tom Stone - *waking up from his nap* What the fuck!? Who the hell woke me up from my damn nap!?!

Joey Styles - *waking up as well* Damnit Tom, you had to make me catch the end of Jobberfest 99' didn't ya?!?

Tom Stone - Damnit, it was that Pedro dude over there!

Joey Styles - You don't have anyone employed named Pedro..

Tom Stone - WHO CARES?!?! They all look the same, so who cares what his name is?

Joey Styles - Point made... So, now what's going on with the match?!

Tom Stone - BlackOut nailed Mr Extreme with the JOBBER-FLOW!! Or whatever his finisher is! But the ref is knocked out!! BRB...

[Tom Stone slides into the ring as BlackOut goes for the cover... Stone makes the count! 1..... 2.......]

Joey Styles - That's three!! BlackOut wins!! No... Why'd Stone stop?!?

The Informer - OH NO!!! Stone with a rake to the eyes of BlackOut!! Stone lifts him to his feet...... Tom Stone Piledriver!!

Joey Styles - Now Stone's coming back!

Tom Stone - Now fellas, we can rest...

[The trio go back to sleep, and awake several minutes later, as strangely "Wake Up" by Rage Against The Machine plays over the PA]

The Informer - *waking up* Damn... What's going on with the match?

Tom Stone - *also waking up* Well, apparently... It's over, and Mr. Extreme won the North American Title!

Joey Styles - *waking up as well* Its over???

[Mr. Extreme won the match in 24 minutes and 9 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, and NEW EWA North American Champion, Mr. Extreme!!

[The Informer sets down his headset and trys to get out of the way, Styles and Stone are still sitting there... Styles saying something about this being Extreme.. Situation: Mr. Extreme laying on Table... Thorn heads to the ring, top rope now, LEG DROP!!! Styles is hit, and the limp body of Mr. Extreme knocks the book out of Stones hands.]

Tom Stone - (yelling at top of lungs) YOU MADE ME LOSE MY FUCKING PAGE YOU PIECE OF SHIT PIG FUCKER!! NOW YOUR GOING TO PAY!!!

[Stone stands up and picks up his chair, folds it up, and precedes to live by the name of Canadian Rage. After Numerous chair shots on Mr. Extreme Stone gets a new chair, gets his book and begins to look for the page he was on like nothing happened.]

The Informer - Well.... we don�t have a table and Mr. Tom Stone has gone crazy on Mr. Extreme, Joey Styles has finally lost his connection, so it looks like it�s just you and me now. Thorn sat there and laughed the whole time that Stone was getting chair shot happy. NOW Thorn is picking up Mr. Extreme and drags him into the ring with the chairs. Thorn is now taking his shots at Mr. Extreme with a chair. He sets one on his face, goes to the top ONCE again, what are we going to see this time? Theres the answer.... ELBOW DROP!!! Mr. Extreme�s blood is in each of the three rings, He is covered in blood. Thorn puts a chair around the ankle of Mr. Extreme, HE�S TRYING TO BREAK HIS ANKLE!!! Mr. Extreme�s face is now coming to life as you see it wincing in pain. He hasn�t been a fighting force in this match at all. Thorn gives up on the ankle and sets chairs all over the floor by the turnbuckle, he stands up Mr. Extreme and sets him on the top rope, he himself gets up there.... JOURNEY�S END!!! That must have something to do with his HY2K partner NoMaD. Mr. Extreme holding his head in pain, and he stands up a bit wobbely. Thorn tosses him into the ropes.... Drop Toe Hold onto the chairs!! Thorn is totally showing us tonight why he is the Extreme Champion. Thorn kicks him out of the ring under the bottom rope, Mr. Extreme is laying there trying to catch his breath or at least try to stay alive. Thorn throws himself against the ropes... Springboard Leg Drop from inside the ring to the outside! Man, not only is he being extreme, he is being risky and he is showing me a lot of this talent that he is supposed to have too. Thorn himself is now showing fatigue, he is having trouble getting up, maybe he hurt himself doing that move. He seems to be ok just a bit winded, he picks up Mr. Extreme and pushes him into the ring with the tables in it. He sets up a table and lifts Mr. Extreme up onto it.... what could he possibly be doing now?!!? Back on the top rope, which we have seen him up there a lot tonight, Shooting Star Press!!! Man, he is going to be sore after this one. Both men are lying in the rubble of broken tables, there must be five or six broken tables in that ring. Thorn�s up, and it doesn�t look like he�s done with the tables. Another table is set up, He picks up Mr. Extreme, Pump Handle Slam through that table!! I didn�t think that he had the strength to do it but he got the job done. Looks like Thorn is done with this ring as he rolls Mr. Extreme�s body over the to the other side of the ring and takes him into the Slugger ring. He gets Mr. Extreme into the ring, sets him up in between the bottom and middle rope. His arms are tied up in the ropes... we know what�s coming up now. Thorn goes to the top as Mr. Extreme�s Head is inside the ring, arm�s tied up in between the bottom and middle rope, and half his body just hanging like a rag doll on the outside, Thorn goes to the top.... CROWN OF THORNS!!!! Apparently, Mr. Extreme didn�t handle with care. Wait, Thorn left him in the ropes, is he going to do it again?!?! NO DAMNIT NO!! This man is showing no mercy... NONE AT ALL. There it is again... Crown of Thorn�s, looks like Thorn is practicing what he preaches. Looks like Thorn his going to get him out of the ropes now... NO!!! NO HE�S NOT!!! DAMN HIM!!! Thorn goes up to the top again.... CROWN OF THORNS!!! DAMNIT THAT�S THE THIRD ONE!!! Mr. Extreme is done, he HAS to be dead. Finally, Thorn gets him out of the ropes. He goes for the pin, this should be an easy victory for Thorn. One...... Two.............. three!!!! Man that was a long three count!!

[Thorn won the match in 32 minutes and 56 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, The EWA Extreme Champion, Thorn!!

Tom Stone - Yeah, whateva!! These Blow Job Boyz really are handing it to the Cy... Cy...

Joey Styles - Cydonia Strikeforce!!

Tom Stone - Yeah... them...

Joey Styles - Brian Kress with a huge dropkick! That took Dynamo Dragon off of his feet!

Tom Stone - You damn right! That Dynamo Jobber is getting his ass handed to him!

Joey Styles - Brian tags in Adam now, and Adam is taking this match outside!!

Tom Stone - If those damn Blow Job Boyz break another table of mine, It's going to be out of THEIR paycheck!!

Joey Styles - Dynamo trys to throw Adam Kress into the stairs, but Adam reverses and sends Dynamo crashing into them!!

Tom Stone - That's comin outta someone's paycheck! How about.. Dynamo's!!

Joey Styles - Adam picks up the stairs... WHAM!! Right onto Dynamo's head!! Adam rolls him into the ring now... Adam nails him with belly to belly suplex!

Tom Stone - Excellently executed!

Joey Styles - Yeah man... Adam proceeding to whip the shit right out of that Hong Kong piece of shit! Adam with another lariate!

Tom Stone - Excellently executed!

Joey Styles - Yeah, that too... Adam with the tag on Brian... Brian with a swinging neck breaker! Dynamo Dragon is out like a fatgirl in dodgeball! (Quote The Thrylla, Nevermore!!!)

Tom Stone - Which is bad... right?

Joey Styles - Yeah man... but things are about to get worse for Dynamo!

Tom Stone - Yeah Yeah... Where's my book?

Joey Styles - DEEP THROAT DEATH DRIVER!!!!!!!!

Tom Stone - That's nice man... Where's my book?

Joey Styles - Mike Hunter with the count! 1... 2... 4!! Err... 3!!!!!!!!

[Da B.J. Boyz won the match in 18 minutes and 27 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here are your winners, Da B.J. Boyz!!

Tom Stone - Tonight our main event features Zed Vs. Crazy Wild Man. But this match seemed dull... So I thought that I should try to make it interesting since it IS a new skooler match. So I figured that a guest Ref would do fine, so I called up Brink, and he was busy with some Hoe�s or something, Then I called up Chandler, but he was out Swamp hopping, so then I called Mike Extreme, and he was no where to be found. I couldn�t think of anyone to call, so I succumbed to the dark side and saw Thorn in the back and asked him if he would, so he said he would and now let�s get onto the match.

[The lights flicker, fade, and dim away, Silver and blue pyrobombs burst into the air one by one on top of the on-ramp. "Just Like This" by Limp Bizkit blasts over the loudspeakers as out of the curtains walks Thorn, he is wearing a ref shirt and black cargo pants. He may not be a ref, but he can do it in style at least. He is still tired from his match earlier, but hell, he wants to ref. He makes his way into the ring and stands there looking stupid like most ref�s do.]

["Just Like This" fades off into the sunset and soon "Unforgiven" by Metallica takes its place. The fans begin to boo there ass� off as Zed comes through the curtain Airplane style, Santoro isn�t far behind. He airplanes it down to the ring and slides under the bottom ropes. He stands up and signals for the Unforgiven... then holds up his newly acquired International Title high, as the fans still boo like hell.]

[The music settles and the crowd still boo�s as "The Jobber Anthem" blasts over the loudspeakers.... Out of the curtains walks Blackout.... someone tells him it�s not his cue and he goes back to the locker room. Finally after all the jobbers realize that it�s not them, Crazy Wild Man walks out of the curtains proud.... lord knows why... but he�s proud. He slides under the bottom rope and precedes to act like he is crazy and wild by screaming and yelling.]

[DING, DING, DING!!!]

The Informer - Looks like we are going to have a dandy of a match here.

Tom Stone - What?!? Are you serious?! Both of these men and I use that term lightly are JOBBERS!

Joey Styles - I know what your saying Tommy Boy...

Tom Stone - DON�T CALL ME THAT!!

Joey Styles - Alright man damn... anyways... I mean look at Crazy Wild Man, he is neither Crazy, nor is he wild. Maybe we should call him Sane Timid Boy.

The Informer - Can we get to the match please? Ok, Zed with a barrage of punches to the face of Crazy Wild Man. Crazy Wild Man with a few of his own!

Tom Stone - I�ve hand enough of this....

[Stone pulls out a pillow from under the commentating booth and lays his head down.]

Joey Styles - I hear ya brotha

[Styles reaches under the booth, but can�t hand his pillow... dunno... musta left it at home.]

The Informer - Looks like it�s you and me.... Zed with a snap suplex on Crazy Wild Man.

Joey Styles - You know... that name reminds me of the show "Crazy and Wild Kids" man... that show kicked ass.

The Informer - Anyways back to the match, the new IN champ is literally beating the snot out of CWM, Zed tosses CWM into the ropes and hits him with a clothesline! That knocked him out, Zed�s got him in a STF!! Man, I love that submission move.

Joey Styles - Eh... I�m kinda an Extreme guy... you know?

The Informer - I know, I was here earlier when you were going crazy during the Thorn-Mr. Extreme match. Zed is forced to let go of the STF and sets him up.... Hanging Vertical Suplex by Zed. TIMBER!! Man, CWM fell like a bag of bricks! CWM doesn�t now here he�s at. Zed picks him up... DDT! Oh man what a DDT Zed just did on Crazy Wild Man.

Joey Styles - Man, Zed is sure beating the shit out of CWW.

The Informer - CWW?

Joey Styles - Yeah man, Crazy Wild Woman.

The Informer - Man... that was SO NOT FUNNY! But what is going on in the ring isn�t funny either, Zed just belly to back suplexed CWM and then followed up with an inverted boston crab... Zed is torturing this boy! WHAT�S THIS?!?! Thorn just got out of the ring and got something from under it, oh no! He�s walking over here....

Thorn - Hey guys, nice match we got goin here...

The Informer - What�s that?

Thorn - oh nothin.... gotta get back to the match.

[Thorn takes off his headset, but before he leaves he goes over to Tom Stone and yells, "WAKE THE FUCK UP!!" Right in his ear, then goes back to the ring.]

Tom Stone - *yawns* oh man I had the weirdest dream... and you were there... and so were you Styles.

The Informer - That�s great... Thorn just got back in the ring and drop whatever that thing was on the canvas. He trying to get Zed�s attention.... Zed finally notices and finishes off with the inverted boston crab, he goes over picks up the idea, and gives Thorn a high five?!? What is that thing?

[Thorn turns his back and pretends he has something in his eyes as a loud *ZAP* is heard]

The Informer - We know what that thing is now!! It�s Zed�s cattle prod... surprised he couldn�t figure that out. OH GOD NOT AGAIN!!!

Joey Styles - YES AGAIN!! AND AGAIN!! I LOVE THIS ZED GUY!!! AGAIN!!!

Tom Stone - Eh.... you call that hardcore? He�s to new skool... maybe when he gets older.

The Informer - Nice to see you finally join us. Thorn still has his back turned. Zed has gotten him about ten times with that Cattle prod. FINALLY! He�s done with it and tosses it down to the floor. Thorn has finally gotten that "Thing" out of his eye�s and is going to ref this match. Zed�s Signaling for the Unforgiven!! This could be it... Zed lifts him up..... THERE IT IS!!! WHAM!!! CRAZY WILD MAN IS GONE!! Zed with the pin.... Thorn goes down for the count.... Onetwothree!!! What a fast count!

[Zed won the match in 42 minutes and 57 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, and STILL EWA International Champion, Zed!!