Johnny Bones - In the middle of the ring is a 7 foot by 7 foot tray. In this tray EWA officials have dumped thousands of thumbtacks. This may be used as a weapon. The winner must either pin his opponent or make them submit. There are no count outs and no disqualifications.

Johnny Bones - And now, the contestants. First, fighting out of Lansing, Michigan. Weighing in at 247 pounds, Steeeeeeve Blaaaackmaaaaan.

["Eye of the Tiger" comes on over the public address and Steve Blackman makes his way to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and resting his head on a corner.]

Johnny Bones - And his opponent. From Shreveport, Louisiana (pause for the pop to go down), and weighing in tonight at 225 pounds, the former EWA Heavyweight and Lightweight Champion of the Worlddddddddd, Accompanied to the ring by Stuttering ROD...... Chaaaaaaaandleeeeeerrrrr.

[All lights in the arena go out and "Murderer" by Mystikal (in honor of this match) comes on. The slow riff at the beginning plays through and then suddenly as the ear peircing gunshot sounds, huge blacklight pyro bombs go off in the entranceway as Chandler makes his way to the ring. He does his usual shtick with the ropes and then sits in the corner, waiting for the bell to ring]

The Informer - Hey Tom, do you have any idea why the people in the EWA front office even signed this match? I mean, last month Chandler was the World Champion, Now he�s fighting Steve Blackman.

Tom Stone - I don�t know, Chandler said he wanted this match for some reason so we gave it to him, don�t look at me.

The Informer - Well, anyway, I just heard the bell, and we�re underway. They lock up, Blackman with a hammerlock, Chandler reverses into one of his own, Blackman shoots Chandler to the ropes, and Chandler hits a shoulderblock. Blackman�s up, Chandler off the ropes, leapfrog, other side, go under, other side, Chandler with a sleeper hold!!! Blackman�s fighting it.... and he makes to the ropes. Chandler gives him a clean break.

Tom Stone - Good action so far, that�s not what you�d expect in a match like this. Informer, you�ve gotta think Chandler�s sending a message to the Wildman in this match.

The Informer - I think he�s made that point clear without even saying anything. They lock back up now. They�re fighting for position. Blackman�s got Chandler on the ropes, clean break.

Tom Stone - I like this!!! It�s like they�re just ignoring that bigass tray of thumbtacks in the ring.

The Informer - For the time being Tom. For the time being. The lock up again, wait, no the don�t, Chandler with a kick to the gut. He�s got Blackman in a front face lock now, picks him up, HIGH vertical suplex. He picks him up. Chandler whips Blackman into the corner, he charges in. Dropkick into the corner by Chandler. Oh man that connected.

Tom Stone - They STILL Haven�t used the thumbtacks!!! That�s what the fans wanna see.

The Informer - I wouldn�t say that Tom, they appear to be into this match. The fans like wrestling. What do you think this is? The WW...(censored out).

Tom Stone - We�ll just call them New York. Anyway, Chandler�s setting Blackman up on the top rope for what looks like a superplex. No, Blackman hitting Chandler in the mid section now. Chandler falls, Blackman going for an elbow. WHAM he got him. He picks Chandler up, he�s going for a suplex, NO, Chandler goes behind him, kicks him square in DEEZ NUTZ. BIG FUCKIN TIMER!!!!!!

The Informer - That was early!!! Senior Official Mike Hunter goes down for the count... 1.... 2..... 3!!!!

[Chandler won the match in 1 minute and 32 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Chandler!!

Tom Stone - It�s.... over? What about the thumbtacks? What about extreme? What about hardcore?

[With that the Wildman comes running out from the back, full speed, in his regular street clothes. He grabs a mic from Johnny Bones.]

Wildman - Chandler you pussy, what the hell was that? You�ve got this bigass tray of thumbtacks out here, and you don�t even use them? What the hell�s wrong with you?

[He tosses the mic to Chandler]

Chandler - Listen Mid-Card (crowd lets out an "ooooooooo"), unlike you, I don�t use being "hardcore" as a marketing strategy. If I don�t have to use thumbtacks to win a match, I�m not going to.

[Chandler tosses the mic back to the Wildman]

Wildman - I don�t think that�s why. I think you�ve gone soft.

[Crowd gives out another "oooooo" as the Wildman tosses the mic back to Chandler]

Chandler - Soft? I tell you what. I�m soft? How about we go at it right now, in this damn ring, with those damn thumbtacks.

[Tosse mic back]

Wildman - You got it.

[The Wildman throws down the mic as Chandler storms across the ring, hitting him with a football tackle. We�ve got a fight on our hands now.]

The Informer - Ahaha, the oldest trick in the book. He takes him over to a corner of the ring. He�s got his head. Uh oh, could this be a bulldog onto thumbtacks?

Tom Stone - The Wildman taking Chandler, NO, Chandler reverses it into a backdrop diver!!!!! SICK!!!! Both men go head and shoulders into a tray of thumbtacks!!!! BUT THEY�RE NOT DONE YET!!!!

The Informer - Chandler and the Wildman combined must have a thousand tacks in their backs!!! Somehow their back to their feet again. WOWEE, Wildman just kicked Chandler right in the nuts!!!

Tom Stone - Whoa whoa whoa this isn�t looking good. The Wildman has Chandler in between his legs.... he�s got him up....

The Informer - THE WILDMAN JUST WHIP POWERBOMBED CHANDLER INTO THAT TRAY OF THUMBTACKS.... HEAD FIRST!!! CHANDLER�S GOTTA BE DEAD!!!

Tom Stone - Wait a minute, the Wildman�s going to the top rope. HOLY CRAP, HE�S GONNA SPLASH HIM INFORMER!!!

The Informer - He leaps..... AND CHANDLER MOVED!!! THE WILDMAN GOES FULL FORCE INTO THE THUMBTACKS!!!! THEY�RE BOTH DEAD, THEY ARE BOTH DEAD!!!

Tom Stone - How did he move? Well fans, just like last week when these two went at it, we�ve got a mess on our hands. We�re gonna go to commercial. We�ll be right back.

The Informer - DAMN!!!

[No Contest in 6 minutes and 23 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Ladies and Gentlemen, this match has been ruled a No Contest!!

The Informer - Faarooq grabs him... OH NO!!! It looks like The Dominator!!! He lifts him, BUT DROPS HIM!! Crazy Wild Man lands on his feet behind Faarooq... Faarooq turns around, Inside Cradle!!! Mike Hunter counts, 1.... 2..... 3!!!!!!!!

[Crazy Wild Man won the match in 8 minutes and 5 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Crazy Wild Man!!

The Informer - Hahaha.... Test is just throwing him around like a child!! Test sets him up on top, WHAM!!! DDT OFF THE TOP!! That's gonna leave a mark!! Test lifts him to his feet... He gives the signal to the crowd, WHAM!!!! The Final Test!!! Mike Hunter counts... 1..... 2..... 3!!!!

[Test won the match in 13 minutes and 57 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Test!!

The Informer - HAHHAAH!! Draven takes him out of the ropes, WHAM!!! Death Drop!!!! He goes for the cover.... Mike Hunter counts, 1... 2.... 3!!! Headhunter 1 rolls into the ring, Death Drop!!!! Mike Hunter counts again, 1... 2.... 3!!!!

[Draven won the match in 17 minutes and 49 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Draven!!

The Informer - Well Tom it looks like he�s going for a.... well, yep, there it is. Zed has pulled a ladder out from under the ring.

Tom Stone - He�s setting that ladder up in the middle of the ring. Whoa, wait a minute Informer, what is that thing being lowered down from the top of the arena.

The Informer - Hey I know that is, that�s his cattle prod! Wait a minute, The Iceman is climbing up the other side of the ladder. Who�s gonna grab that shock stick first?

Tom Stone - It�s Zed, that�s who.

[ZZZAAAAAPPPPPPP]

Tom Stone - Aw man, the Xtreme Icon is out cold. That HAS to hurt.

The Informer - Zed with a frog splash off the ladder on the prone The Iceman. Referee Mike Hunter over for the count... 1... 2.... 3! It�s over.

Tom Stone - Great match. This Zed�s got a real future ahead of him.

[Zed won the match in 23 minutes and 55 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Zed!!

[Marv Albert walks out. He has grey balding hair, and he's wearing a TIGHT pink dress.}

[ECW Fast Foward to the match.]

The Informer - It's a pleasure to have you here Marv, we all know about your messy pass with cross dressing and transvestities.

Marv Albert - YES!!!!

Tom Stone - What???

Marv Albert - STARKS.. FOR 3... YES!!

The Informer - Low blow by DeRaNgEd, Dragon Suplex!

Marv Albert - YES!!!! Tom Stone - DeRaNgEd with repeated stomps on the back of the head... What's this!?

The Informer - He's going old school... GARVIN STOMP!!! IT'S OVER!!! 1.....

Marv Albert - YEEESSS!!!!!

Tom Stone - No... he kicked out dude...

[Over the PA system: "That's some tight stuff right there"]

The Informer - What the.... No... Thumb to the eye by Xtreme Icon, He rakes the back... What's this... Norweigan DDT!

Tom Stone - He picks him back up... DeRaNgEd is set up on the top rope... What's this!? East Coast Bomb... or the ECB... Will DeRaNgEd get up?

Marv Albert - YES!!!

The Informer - Good call Marv... wouldn't ya say Tom Stone?

Tom Stone - DeRaNgEd gets up after that weak move... He's hulking up... Fist-a-cuffs are flying... Icon is being set up on the top rope... Death Valley Driver from the top rope... It's over with..... What's this.

Marv Albert - STARKS FOR 3... YES!!!

The Informer - No dude.... DeRaNgEd has him ready... It's THE END... THE END!!! Mike Hunter counts...1... 2... 3!!!!

[DeRaNgEd won the match in 26 minutes and 44 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, DeRaNgEd!!

The Informer - Damn right it was!! Thats why we are what we are today... Both men are basically crippled, and aren't moving...

Tom Stone - Interesting.

The Informer - Yep. Thorn is getting up... He goes under the ring and throws 2 tables, 6 chairs, and the steel steps from the outside into the ring. He gets into the ring, and somehow sets them up to make a huge ass platform in the middle of the ring!!!! If someone goes through that, they're finished.

Tom Stone - I'll confirm that. Thorn pulls the crippled Wildman into the ring... He sets him up on top of the platform... LOOK OUT!! THERE'S NOMAD!!! WHACK!!! HE JUST NAILED THORN IN THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR!!! Nomad sets them both up..... DOUBLE WANDERING THROUGH THE PLATFORM!!! THEY'RE DEAD!!! MAKE THE FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS!!!!!

[Thorn won the match in 37 minutes and 26 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner by Disqualification, Thorn!!

Tom Stone - Wait a minute... Tar Heel Manic Matches are No DQ and No Interfierence!! What the hell is the ref doing?!

The Informer - THE WANDERING!!!! This could be the begining of the end!! Nomad sets him up on top.... JOURNEY'S END!!!!! Nomad goes for the cover... Mike Hunter counts, 1..... 2....... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nomad won the match in 41 minutes and 19 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, and NEW EWA International Champion, Nomad!!

[As Nomad is celebrating in the ring, Tom Stone grabs a mic and walks down the aisle from his announce table.]

Tom Stone - Nomad.... Do you like attacking people in their locker rooms??? Do you like interfiering in NO INTERFIERENCE MATCHES?! Let's read the rules shall we?? "....Nobody Is Aloud To Interfere. If Someone Does Interfier, He Gets Suspended AND/OR Fired....." Well well well!! Look what we have here!! Basically Nomad, what that means is that.... YOU'RE---Wait a minute, I got a better idea!! Ref, toss me that belt over here....... What this is Nomad, is the EWA International Title, and it belongs to the EWA International Champion, THE BRINK!!!!! No you're not suspended... No you're not fired... But YES, I have reversed the decsion!!

[With that Nomad chases Tom Stone off into the backstage area as the show fades to black....]