EWA Tuesday Night Heat Results For April 13th, 1999, Hosted By Tom Stone & The EWA Informer.
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Match #1: One On One Match
The Iceman vs. Faarooq.
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Blitzkreig - The Iceman kicks Faarooq in the gut, he steps up... DDT!! The Iceman runs to the ropes, he bounces off... Elbow drop!!!
Deuce - The Iceman locks on a headlock... Faarooq is screaming in pain... What a wuss!!
The Informer - Faarooq throws The Iceman to the ropes, The Iceman ducks a clothesline... Running Shoulder Tackle!! The Iceman jumps on Faarooq... It looks like an Inverted STF... Yes!! FROSTBITE!!! Faarooq is taping out!!!
[The Iceman won the match in 1 minutes and 34 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, The Iceman!!
Blitzkreig - Wardog goes to the top... Troy slowly gets up... Shoulder Tackle from the top!! Pollux Troy landed on his head!! Wardog goes for the cover... 1... 2... NO!! Kickout!!
Deuce - Wardog lifts Troy to his feet... The Main Man is dazed... Wardog runs to the ropes, he bounces off... Clotheslin--NO!!
The Informer - Pollux "The Main Man" Troy ducks it... He turns around... LEFT FIST TO THE JAW!!! Wardog is out!! Pollux just knocked him out!! Mike Hunter counts... 1.... 2.... 3!!!
[Pollux "The Main Man" Troy won the match in 12 minutes and 8 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Pollux "The Main Man" Troy!!
Blitzkreig - No comment...
Deuce - Same here... I could pull off that lame shit anyday!!
The Informer - OK... If you say so... Both men are out!! It looks like "Too Extreme" Shawn Walker is getting up first... He just grabbed a chair from inside the dumpster... Van Dam gets up.... WHAM!!! Vandaminator!!!!! Mike Hunter counts... 1.... 2.... 3!!!!
[Rob Van Dam won the match in 23 minutes and 17 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Rob Van Dam!!
Blitzkreig - When did Pollux change his name??
Deuce - He didn't!! They're both out here!! Pollux "The Main Man" Troy and Ray "The Thriller" Miller are both out here at ringside!! Ray is with Hirschey... And a 15 inch TV!! Pollux has a chair!!
The Informer - Tommy Gunn throws Adams into the ropes... Pollux is in the ring!! Ray Miller nails Adams in the back of the head with the TV!! Oh shit!! The ref got nailed by Adams!! The ref is out!! Pollux charges at Tommy Gunn... But nails Adams!!?? What the hell!?!?
Tom Stone - Tommy Gunn goes for the cover... The ref is out!! The Gangsta goes over to the ref... Looks like the ref is getting up... Wait a minute!! Adams is up... He rolls up Tommy Gunn... 1.... 2.... THREE!!!! What a match!!
[Chris Adams won the match in 23 minutes and 34 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Chris Adams!!
Blitzkreig - Stallion is climbing the cage... He's at the top... DMX is up!!
Deuce - DMX shakes the cage... Hahah!! Down goes Italian Stallion!! I think he landed on his head!!
The Informer - Did you get dropped on your head as a child?? DMX picks up Italian Stallion... 187!!!!!!! Stallion is out cold!! DMX is climbing the cage... He's over the top... Italian Stallion is up... He's climbing the cage, He has DMX by the arm!! With his other hand, DMX nails Stallion in the nuts!! DMX wins!!!
[DMX won the match in 33 minutes and 43 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, The EWA Extreme Champion, DMX!!
Blitzkreig - Woah!!
Deuce - That's gotta hurt.
The Informer - What a match!! Chandler goes under the ring... He's got a... a... A PILLOW!?! Well, he's strugling to carry it... What the hell does he need that for??
Tom Stone - Chandler puts the pillow down... He picks up Ray Miller... BIG TIMER-- onto a pillow!!! Mike Hunter counts... 1.... 2.... 3!!! AHAHAHHA!!!
[Chandler won the match in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Chandler!!
Blitzkreig - Chandler grabs the pillow... He turns it upside down... And out comes.... a gigantic BRICK!!!!
Blitzkreig - What the hell?? TNT is climbing the inside of the cage!! He's hanging off the top!!
Deuce - The Brink gets up... TNT lets go, The Brink backs up... TNT comes crashing down into The Brink's foot!!!
The Informer - THE BRINK SUPERKICKED TNT IN THE HEAD ON HIS WAY DOWN FROM THE ROOF OF THE CELL!! OUCH!! After TNT got hit, He did a 360 backwards and landed on his head!! The Brink just hit a modified version of The Downward Plunge!! TNT is out cold!!!
Tom Stone - The Brink rolls TNT into the ring... He's setting him up for the Downward Plunge!!... Wait a minute... The Brink turns to the camera--
The Brink - Nah!
Blitzkreig - I think TNT broke his neck on the outside-- The Brink nails a DDT... He goes for the cover... 1... 2... 3!!!
[The Brink won the match in 43 minutes and 57 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, And NEW EWA International Champion, The Brink!!
Blitzkreig - They are beating him to the ground!!! This isn't good for Thrylla!! Damian and TNT drag Thrylla over here to our commentary table... Watch out!!
Deuce - They're beating on him with our chairs!!!
The Informer - TNT rolls Serial Thrylla into the ring.... What the?? Damian is... he's... he's lighting a joint!!! TNT gets into the ring... What's this??? The Dance With Dynomite!!!!! He's going for the pin!!! Mike Hunter counts... 1.... 2... TNT just lifted Thrylla off the mat!!
Tom Stone - TNT climbs out of the ring, and grabs a mic...
TNT - Yo' Thrylla... never and I mean never, write a check that your ass can't cash. I had you easily pinned... BUT, you not gonna get out of your asswhoopin' at the Pay Per View that easily. After I beat Nomad at the Fever before NC-17, I'm coming into that Hell On Earth match, not only to win, but to beat the hell out of you, Chandler and Nomad all at once and I'll be damned if you're not gonna be there. I'm gonna say this once... NO ONE and I mean NO ONE will even come close to
beating you before the Pay Per View because quite frankly, it wouldn't be as much fun if I didn't get to get my hands around your scrawny little neck. If I have to do everything in my power to keep
you in that match, then damnit, I will. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, Thrylla... we're outtie!!!
Blitzkreig - TNT and Damian are walking around the ring... Wait a minute... what the hell is Siko Shuyama doing at ringside? He doesn't belong in the match!!
Tom Stone - You're right! Security, get your asses down here right now!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!
Deuce - SIKO JUST THREW A FIREBALL!!! WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS, THE SHEIK?!?! HE JUST TOOK THE WHOLE FUCKING SECURITY CREW OUT WITH THE FIREBALL!!!
[The arena goes dark.... Some music comes on, and a casket gets wheeled out...]
The Informer - WAIT A MINUTE!! THERE'S "BIG D" CAL DAVIS!!! WHAM!!! WHACK!!! HE JUST TOOK OUT BAD COMPANY!!! WHAT THE HELL??!
Tom Stone - Davis throws them into the ring...
[Suddenly, Mike Extreme pops out of the casket with a Barbwired baseball bat... he Suicide Powerbombs both Damian and TNT and pins them both... 1, 2, 3!!]
[Serial Thrylla & Mike Extreme won the match in 2 minutes and 45 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here are your winners, Serial Thrylla & Mike Extreme!!
Blitzkreig - MIKE EXTREME IS BACK!!!! I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD!!!!!!
Deuce - WAIT A MINUTE! THE LIGHTS HAVE GONE OUT! LOOK AT THE EWA BIG SCREEN! AN RX BANNER HAS JUST DESCENDED FROM THE RAFTERS! BRADSHAW AND THE ENFORCERS ARE WALKING TO IT!
The Informer - GOOD GOD! THEY'VE LIT THE RX BANNER WITH A BLOWTORCH! THEY'RE DESECRATING THE RX SYMBOL!
Tom Stone [laughing] - You know, sometimes Davis can be really smart!
The Informer - Tom, why are you laughing?
Tom Stone - Well, uh, let me go to the ring. [Tom Stone goes to the ring and gets the mic from Johnny Bones.] Ladies and gentlemen, what you have just seen is a new day in the EWA! [Crowd boos and starts chanting "asshole" repeatedly.] SHOW SOME GODDAMN RESPECT!!! [Crowd boos even louder.] [Crowd cheers wildly as Davis takes the mic.]
Cal Davis - SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SHOW SOME GODDAMN RESPECT FOR THE BRAND NEW EWA CORPORATE TEAM!
The Informer - WHAT?!?!?!?!?! [EWA Corporate theme plays.] IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!! ANTI-CORPORATE TO CORPORATE?!?!?! HE FUCKING SOLD OUT! [Crowd boos loudly and starts chanting "YOU SOLD OUT" repeatedly]
Cal Davis - You know, we told you that there would be a surprise tonight! AND GODDAMMIT, WE FUCKIN' DELIVERED!!! [Crowd boos and throws objects into the ring.] We have been telling you for several weeks that there would be a brand-new ACO! The only thing we conveniently forgot to tell you was that we would go from "anti-corporate" to corporate! [Davis hands the mic back to Tom Stone.]
Tom Stone - Cal, you and your friends have made the right choice in joining the EWA Corporate Team! You see, the only reason the ACO wiped out the original EWA Corporate Team was because the originals were a weak bunch of PUSSIES! [Crowd boos loudly.] Well, except for Devon Snatch... you were simply marvelous as Kane! [Crowd boos loudly.]
Cal Davis - NOW SOMEBODY SHOW THE BRAND-NEW LOGO OF THE EWA CORPORATE TEAM! DO IT! IF YOU DON'T, YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MR. STONE FIRING YOU, BECAUSE BIG D WILL BREAK YOUR FUCKING NECK! [The EWA Corporate "crossed hammers" logo descends from the rafters. The new EWA Corporate Team starts chanting "HAMMER" repeatedly.]
The Informer - My God, what we thought would never happen has happened. The ACO has gone corporate. Princess and Kimona are passing out cigars to the new members of the Corporation. Fans, what a crazy night. See you this Friday at Friday Fever. Fucking sellouts....
