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Remember... ALL Of The Match Isn't Included.. Only The Climax And Ending...
The Informer - Hardcore Hack is stunned by what just happened... He goes under the ring, and pulls out a.... a.... a ladder!! He sets up the ladder beside the dumpster... He lifts Owen Hart to his feet. Left, Right, Left, Right... they're slugging it out!! WHAT THE HELL!!? They're climbing the ladder!!! What the hell for!?!? They are exchanging punches while climbing the ladder!! They've reached the top... Hardcore Hack blocks a punch, he shoves Owen Hart, and Owen Hart......
Paul Diamond - GOES FLYING INTO THE DUMPSTER!!! KABOOOM!!! HOLY SHIT!! Owen Hart just fell in the dumpster, got nailed by a M-80 charge, flew back into the air, and fell back into the dumpster!! Hardcore Hack climbs down the ladder... He closes one side... And the other!!
[Hardcore Hack won the match in 7 minutes and 43 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Hardcore Hack!!
The Informer - Kilboy is going to throw him to the corner... Right into that M-80!! Kilboy sets him up, whips him to the corner... No! Reversed, NO! Reversed again!! WAIT!! Reversed AGAIN by Wardog!! KABOOM!!!! KILBOY JUST GOT THROWN INTO THE M-80!!!
Paul Diamond - Wardog picks him up... AND THROWS HIM HEAD FIRST INTO A CORNER WITH A M-80 ON IT!! Kilboy is bleeding vigorously!! Wardog picks up a brick... He lifts it verticly to Kilboy's head... AND DROPS IT!!! BRICK TO THE HEAD!! Wardog lifts him back to his feet....
The Informer - THE SILENCER!!! Mike Hunter counts... 1.... 2.... THREE!!!
[Wardog won the match in 28 minutes and 14 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Waaardog!!
[Diamond Dallas Page is seen in a elevator. He walks out of it, and proceedes into a open room. He see's a box in the middle of the room with the letter's DDP writen all over it. There is also a 'Happy Birthday' sticker on it. He mumbles,]
Diamond Dallas Page - Kimberly, baby, you shouldn't have!
The Informer - What's in it?! OH MY GOD!!!!! DDP HAS BEEN AMBUSHED!!! Chazz Rocco and Devon Snatch came out of that box and are beating on DDP with tire irons! He's busted open!! This is madness!!
[In the back, you see The Anti-Corperate Outlaws come from a closed door. They begin to beat on DDP as well. Princess & Kimona pull out a banana. Princess and Kimona are wearing dominatrix outfits. Princess & Kimona say to DDP...]
Princess & Kimona - It's time for yet another lesson in humility, asshole!
[The ACO pull down DDP's tights, as Kimona and Princess shove a banana into DDP's rear end. The camera feed goes out... All you hear is DDP yelling out blood-curdling screams...]
Paul Diamond - OH MY GOD, YOU DON'T THINK...
The Informer - THEY STUCK A BANANA IN HIS ASS! WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH WRESTLING?! A CRUCIFIXION WAS BAD ENOUGH, BUG GODDAMMIT, THAT'S RAPE!
[The camera feed kicks back in. Suddenly, you see paramedics loading DDP into a ambulence. The paramedics attempt to pull the banana out of DDP's ass, but are un-successful.]
Paul Diamond - The ACO has gone WAY TOO FAR! TOM STONE, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SHIT!
The Informer - HELL, THEY SHOULD'VE BEEN BANNED FOR LIFE FOR THE CRUCIFIXION! STONE, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SHIT!
Paul Diamond - Well, they've got DDP almost into the ambulance... What the hell!?!?! It's Spider-man!?!? He's got a singapore cane, OH MY GOD!!! He's lacing into DDP! GET HIM OUT OF THERE!!!
[No Contest in 4 minutes and 45 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is a No Contest!!
The Informer - DROP KICK FROM THE TOP!! NO!! Death Row grabs him by the legs... THE HOORIDE!!! Will Wardog give up??! He's near the ropes... inching closer and closer.... Death Row pulls him forward into the middle of the ring... Wardog is taping out!! He couldn't take the pain!!
[Death Row won the match in 13 minutes and 10 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Death Row!!
The Informer - They're double teaming Chandler..... THE RIDDLE BOX!!! Blitzkreig picks him up, he throws Chandler to the ropes... Double boot to the face!! Deuce sets up Chandler... Blitzkreig climbs the ropes... Backbreaker by Deuce.... THE EXECUTION DAY!!! THAT'S THEIR SIGNATURE MOVE!! Wait, Danger Inc have left through the crowd!!
Paul Diamond - What a match!! Wait a minute... who's this?? Someone wearing all black clothing and a mask is out here... The Rock and Chandler are both in the ring... slightly on their feet.... The masked man is on the apron... The ref goes over to him... What the hell?? He just threw the Rock some Brass Knuckles!! WHAM!! The Rock just clocked Chandler with the brass knuckles!!
The Informer - HERE COME THE REGULATORS WITH HARRISON WIDGER!!! WHAT IS THIS?!?! Is everyone invited?? Widger is on cruthes... He has IV tubes still in his arms!! The ref is in the ring... Chandler is out!! The Regulators both have chairs..... WHAM!!! WHACK!!! THEY JUST TOOK OUT THE ROCK WITH CHAIRS!! Here comes that gimp, Harrison!! WHAM!!! OH NO!! GROIN SHOT WITH THE CRUTCHES!!!
Paul Diamond - The Regulators are leaving!! But they left their mark!! Thats 6 people who have interfiered in this match already!! Wait a minute!! There's "Big D" Cal Davis!! He pulls Chandler on top of The Rock... Mike Hunter counts... 1.... 2.... 3!!!!
The Informer - Is that legal??
[Chandler won the match in 33 minutes and 1 second.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Chandler!!
Paul Diamond - Wait a minute!! Here comes Siko Shuyama and the former Insiders, Now called The Enforcers!! They all have baseball bats!! They're all in the ring... OH NO!! THE ROCK IS GETTING BEATEN WITH BATS!! STOP THIS MADNESS!!
[Cal Davis proceedes to give the Rock a Rock Bottom through the announce table.]
"Big D" Cal Davis - Hey Diamond, I heard what you said about us and what we are doing to DDP...
[SMASH!!! Davis smashes a beer bottle over the head of Paul Diamond... They drag him up the entrance way to the ACO symbol. It is a pair of crossed hammers. They tie him down, and do yet another mock crucifixtion. Chandler walks up to them and tells them to do what they have to do in order to get ahead. All of a sudden Princess and Kimona come out and hit Chandler repeatedly with chairs. Then Princess and Kimona throw Chandler down to the floor where a table is sitting. Princess and Kimona give Chandler the "Smackdown", a powerbomb into a neckbreaker, through the table. Police officers come to arrest the ACO for the violent beating, but the ACO run out before the cops get their chance to arrest them.]
The Informer - Who's going to take Paul Diamond's place?!?
[Suddenly, The EWA Theme kicks in as Tom Stone walks down...]
Tom Stone - You want me to do something about it?? I WILL! Not only will I fill in for Paul Diamond, but I am ordering The Enforcers to wrestle The Regulators in a Bowrey Death Cage Match!! And 1 more thing... Davis, you think your tough?? Well Cal Davis, you will be fighting Diamond Dallas Page AND........ Paul Diamond!! Did I mention its Aa Hell In A Cell Match??
[Chandler is seen getting up... He rolls into the ring... The arena goes dark. DFA is shined down upon the ring and a shirt is suddenly lowered in down from the rafters right infront of Chandler. It's a EWA Official Chandler T-shirt. It's lowered infront of a turnbuckle. It has DFA Written across it in Duct tape. Suddenly a flame shoots from the turnbuckle and the shirt bursts into flames. Then on the EWA Megatron, it is read 'NC-17 "Pure Violence"... "Hell On Earth" It's not a match, It's life or Death.' It all Dissolves into DFA, the reign will continue, as that fades away to a yellow smiley face.]
The Informer - Wildman slowly gets up... DMX swings... Wildman ducks... DMX does a full 360 swing with the chair... and knocks out Mike Hunter!! OH CRAP!! DMX turns around, Wildman kicks him in the gut... DMX drops the chair... Wildman NAILS a DDT ONTO THE CHAIR!! The Wildman goes to the outside... He gets a table from under the ring... He throws it inside the ring and sets it up near the corner... He throws DMX into the corner... Climbs on top....
Tom Stone - WAIT A MINUTE!! There's X-Treme!! He gets on the apron... NAILS WILDMAN WITH A CHAIR!! X-Treme moves DMX to the opposite corner... He sets up Wildman... THE SHOWSTOPPER THROUGH THE TABLE!!! X-TREME PUTS DMX ON TOP OF THE WILDMAN.... Mike Hunter see's the pin....
The Informer - One........ Two........ TTTTTHRRRREEE!!!!!!!
[DMX won the match in 38 minutes and 16 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, And NEW EWA Extreme Champion, DDDMMMMXXX!!
The Informer - Serial Thrylla sets up the table right in the middle of the ring... WHACK!! HE JUST NAILED DDP IN THE HEAD WITH THAT CHAIR!! Serial Thrylla puts the chair in the middle of the table... He lifts DDP off the ground, and puts him leaning on the table... Serial Thrylla climbs to the top... He grabs onto the roof of the Cell, and climbs across to the middle!! He is right on top of DDP.......
Tom Stone - DFA OFF THE CELL ROOF THROUGH A TABLE AND CHAIR!!!!! MIKE HUNTER COUNTS.... 1.... 2....
The Informer - THREE!!!!
[Serial Thrylla won the match in 27 minutes and 41 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, And rightfull owner of Kimberly for 30 Days... Serial Thrylla!!!
[The arena goes dark... The cell bursts into flames... "Serial Thrilla" from Prodigy starts up over the PA system, Serial Thrylla is seen in the rafters, He's got a microphone.]
Serial Thrylla - Nomad... On April 18th, your gonna feel just what "Hell On Earth" is all about. Muuuuuahahahahahahhahahahahhahah!
[The lights SLIGHTLY come back on... It is still dark because the fire on the cage has subsided. Serial Thrylla is no where to be seen.]
The Informer - I can bearly see Nomad and Deuce!! Wait a minute... Whats that noise??! Get a close up, dammit!! WAIT A SECOND!! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO BREAK INTO THE CELL!! HE'S IN!! He walks up to Nomad.... OOOH!! STIFF DDT!!! ANOTHER ONE!!!
Tom Stone - AGAIN!! ANOTHER DDT!! WAIT A MINUTE... THATS CHANDLER THAT BASTARD!! WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE!?!?! THAT'S "THE BIG TIMER"! HIS SIGNATURE MOVE!! IM GOING TO SUSPEND HIS ASS... ITS A NO INTERFIERENCE MATCH!!!
The Informer - Your right!! Thats why Mike Hunter is calling for the bell!!
[No Contest in 45 minutes and 24 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - This match has been ruled a No Contest!!
[Nomad is up.]
Nomad - Hey Deuce, the match has been thrown out the window... Deal's off!!
Deuce - HOLD ON A SECOND.... Lets pull out the Contract here... Nomad, read the Clause please...
Nomad - Fine. If Nomad Does Not Win The Match..... YOU SON OF A BITCH....
Deuce - AHAHAHAHAHAH!!! REGULATORS, HIT THE ROAD!!!
