[ The camera brings us to a shot of the EWA symbol, which quickly fades to black. We then see a montage of clips of old and new EWA superstars walking, talking, and doing what they do best--fighting. After a 2-3 minute video is shown, a brand new EWA Tuesday Night Heat video is played. Many clips of past matches, current superstars and pyro are shown. We are then brought to a shot of inside the Skyreach Center in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, where THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of fans have flooded the Skyreach Center. After a quick view of the fans signs, we are brought to a shot of the announcer's table, where The Informer, Vic Canon and Eddie Sensation are ready to kick of Tuesday Night Heat. ]
The Informer - WELCOME TO TUESDAY..... NIGHT....... HEEEEEEEEEEEEAT!!!!!! AND WHAT A SHOW WE GOT TONIGHT!
Eddie Sensation - That was a little over the top, Informer!
Vic Canon - He isn't kidding Eddie! We've got a four corners match for the North American Title as Eric Walther tries to keep a hold of his belt from Chris Canton, IcE, and El GiGante! Not to mention in a rematch from Hellacious Halloween, Arthryn vs. Holden Raines!
Eddie Sensation - I wanna see someone put in the hospital with that match! Anything short of their match at HH3 will be a disappointment!
The Informer - Also, the new tag team champions Ken Doe and Omega, The Order, defend against the Fabulosos Los Bastardos!
Vic Canon - Ken Doe is one of the scariest, dangerous individuals in the EWA today!
The Informer - Speaking of dangerous individuals, Vic's buddy Ethan Tyler is in action tonight!
Vic Canon - Tom's Golden Boy, Ethan Tyler takes on Tiki Tortez in a Lumberjack Match, where Tiki gets to pick the Lumberjacks! Tyler's FINALLY going to lose his title right here tonight!
Eddie Sensation - I can't wait for that match! But I want to know what's with the front entrance? Why is it covered in curtains??
[ Suddenly, the arena is engulfed in darkness ]
Vic Canon - You had to ask, didn't you Eddie?
[ A very low baseline fills the arena as we hear a monologue starts up. ]
This is important stuff, I mean these kids are being screwed there's a whole generation of em.
[ Low smoke fills the entranceway, at least what we can see ]
They got constitutional rights that are being violated every day by the police.
They take the kids, they rough em up, they throw em in jail.
[ Police lights go off on all sides of the ramp ]
The judges are cold. They throw the kids in jail and give them a life sentence..
They don't give a shit, they just care about headlines.
[ Just as Simon Dope screams out "Fuck the Police" Ethan Tyler stands at the entrance ramp. The fans boo at him and he just stares out into the crowd, not minding a single face. Not caring about who hates him, and who idolizes him like the God he thinks he is. He's wearing the world title against his waist. It shines and reflects the police lights, as the song fades out, the lights go up, the fog disappears, and the most dangerous thing in wrestling happens.. ]
[ Tyler pulls out a mic. ]
Ethan Tyler - I welcome each and every one of you... I welcome you to an event unseen by anyone, and only made available by yours truly.. I give you.
THE LEGENDS OF WRESTLING!
[ The fans act with awkward boos while the announcers exchange glances. ]
Eddie Sensation - Legends of wrestling?
Vic Canon - What is this, some kind of super card?
Ethan Tyler - I will deliver to you something that Fenichel couldn't do right. I give you something that Daniels could never pull together, I'm giving you something that Jesus Christ himself COULD NOT do. Do I have your attention?
The Informer - What is he talking about? This guy has no connections, no friends!
Ethan Tyler - I've put all my differences aside with everyone, we've all said our piece to each other, and we've moved on. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you tonight, Johnny Hardcore..
[ The fans pop huge at the mention of his name ]
Vic Canon - HIS MENTOR!? THEY PRACTICALLY KILLED EACH OTHER!
Ethan Tyler - Please, I'm not done. Tonight I also bring you Mr. DFA himself, Serial Thrylla!
Eddie Sensation - Wow! Thrylla!?
[ Fans start a DFA chant all throughout the arena. Tyler smiles a new smile, one that seems warm and pleasant ]
Ethan Tyler - If it couldn't get any better, I've got The Hardcore Superstar Reckless!
The Informer - I remember him! Thrylla and him had a violent feud that never finished, could we see the end of it?
Ethan Tyler - Tonight I also bring one of the few Elites in wrestling, "The Franchise" Shane Douglas! I'll even throw in TBL as a bonus.
Vic Canon - This is all too surreal guys! He's got to be lying to us!
Eddie Sensation - I'm a believer!
Ethan Tyler - Finally, I bring you the most heralded man in the history of wrestling. A multiple world champion, an all around good guy, and the best technician this side of the globe. I give you LIGER!
[ A mixed reaction comes down for the future hall of famer ]
The Informer - But Liger hates the EWA! Why would he be here tonight? I thought he was retired anyways!
[ Tyler moves slowly towards one of the dark blue curtain along the end of the entrance ramp, and he runs his hand along it. ]
Ethan Tyler - All these men have been waiting. Waiting since the crews set up today. Waiting behind this curtain to entertain you people, to give you your money's worth. So I won't keep you any longer... I give you...
THE LEGENDS OF WRESTLING!
[ Tyler pulls on the curtain and both sides of the ramp are cleared of it. As soon as it pulls away, the fans break out into unanimous boos for the world champ. ]
Vic Canon - I told you! He's got wooden cut outs of all those men!
The Informer - This is a joke.
[ Tyler reaches down, picks up a bat, puts it over his shoulder and walks around the cut outs ]
Ethan Tyler - Where to begin first... How about Johnny Hardcore huh? This man was nothing, NOTHING. I proved that at Family Reunion. And now what's he doing? Sitting on his ass in Cleveland licking his wounds, like the bitch he is.
ONE MAN DOWN
[ Tyler blasts the cut out with the bat, splintering it. The audience boos. ]
Ethan Tyler - But let's not forget this man.
Eddie Sensation - He's got his arm around the cut out TBL! Ha ha ha ha!
Ethan Tyler - We all remember this joke.. How many times did I kick your ass? How many times did I insult you? No, that's not the issue. How many times did you insult and mock yourself?
TWO DOWN
[ Tyler knocks the head off the TBL cut out and kicks it down. ]
Ethan Tyler - But it doesn't stop there. Look at this. See this smug face?
The Informer - That'd be the face of Reckless.
Ethan Tyler - Look at you. You useless shock value. You tried desperately to make it, DESPERATELY. You wanted to be the real big name from the school of hard bumps huh? Well look who passed you by! HOW MANY WORLD TITLES DID YOU WIN? YOU SAY YOU'RE THE HARDCORE SUPERSTAR!? YOU'RE THE HARDCORE WASTE!
THREE DOWN
[ Another bat crack signifies the end of another cut out. ]
Vic Canon - Is this even necessary?
[ Tyler saunters over to an all too familiar figure, waving the bat ]
Ethan Tyler - Shane Douglas.. The Franchise. My brother in the Elite. You are one of the greats Shane, you are a legend, you are the icon of wrestling, the FRANCHISE...
...in your own twisted reality
Ethan Tyler - I carried your ass! You caused us to lose against the Dungeon Masters! I replaced you, I win. You Shane Douglas are DEAD WEIGHT. Consider yourself lucky by the small fact that you got to ride the coat tails of Ethan Tyler! Now. CUT THE FUCKIN MUSIC!
FOUR DOWN!
[ Tyler crashes the bat on top of Douglas' head, splitting it in half. The fans are giving Tyler so much heat the temperature in the arena just jumped about 10 degrees. ]
Ethan Tyler - Well look who showed up. Mr. Personality himself.
YEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!
[ Tyler belts out a mockery of Liger's call. ]
Ethan Tyler - You sniveling piss ant. Do you know how much I hate the site of your face paint? Do you know how much I hate your theme? Do you know how much I hate the mere mention of your name!? Liger makes me want to puke. He does it for the fans, he's a straight forward, by the book kind of guy, and that makes me sick. Liger is everything that was wrong with wrestling. Liger, your style belongs in a closet with mothballs.. Number five down.
[ Tyler breaks it in half at the waist with the bat and busts the head off as it hits the ground. ]
Ethan Tyler - Last but not least.. Not by a long shot. You my friend...
[ Tyler points the bat at the cut out Thrylla and the fans pop at the reference to their hero. ]
Ethan Tyler - I thought you had something Thrylla. You showed me a fire that I enjoyed, an evil that I embraced, a figure that I idolized. But you were soft. You had a "heart for the fans".
Vic Canon - Damn right he did! Serial Thrylla was a hero to many!
Ethan Tyler - I hated what you became Thrylla. When we had Sticks and Stones, I let you win, it made me feel better, because it showed me that evil that STILL lives in you. God I missed that. But you hid it away, you hid away everything that you could give us for a soft marshmallow save a kitty in a tree super hero persona.
You made me sick, I'm glad you're gone.
[ Tyler smashes the head of the cut out and continues to hit it, after a while, nothing's left except for a pile of wood and an enraged Ethan, breathing heavily. He drops the bat. ]
Ethan Tyler - The world's changed.. What you saw here was that change. The old guard is dead, the old timers are retired. It's time for a new period.
Ethan Tyler - We're meaner, nastier, and more vicious than any of those guys wished they were.
Well, at least I am.
Ethan Tyler - Tiki Tortez, I challenge you. Tonight I challenge you to bring all the hate you have, all the evil, all the nastiness, and let it go. Spill it Tiki. You better hurt me tonight.
Lemme tell you Tiki, this is your last shot in a long long time, make the best of it.
Ethan Tyler - Long live Ethan Tyler, the man who will lead ALL of you into a new age.
[ Dope's "F*cked Up" begins to play again as Tyler stares out into the crowd in a trance. He just stands up there among the woodpile. ]
Vic Canon - What a loon.
The Informer - He has a point, it's a new time and he is the leader of the pack, show me one other man who is as on top of his game as Ethan Tyler is.
Eddie Sensation - There is no one Informer, and Tiki Tortez is going to find that out tonight! Who will he pick as his lumberjacks?
[ Tyler kicks the wood into the crowd as Heat goes to a commercial. ]
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
[ Camera feed cuts backstage to the entrance area as the metallic silver Expedition from last week comes to a halt in the front. Enigma steps out of the vehicle, wearing his usual outfit: black leather pants, skin-tight red shirt, and black leather trenchcoat. ]
The Informer - Enigma has arrived! This man absolutely dominated Mike Jacobs last week on Heat!
Vic Canon - God...that was a sickening display. Not one, but THREE tables were used by this giant of a man.
[ Enigma looks around until he notices the same staff member from a week ago working backstage. ]
Enigma - Well, hello there. Good to see you again.
EWA Worker - Uh...hi, Enigma.
Enigma - Looks like I'm once again looking for Rob DiMarco. Where's he at tonight?
EWA Worker - Uhm...ah...he should be in the interview area, around the corner down that hall.
Enigma - Thank you once again for your help...here, be a doll and go park this for me again and leave the key in my locker room like you did last week.
EWA Worker - I told you last week, man...I'm not a valet...
Enigma - Hmm...you didn't like the surprise I left in my locker room for you when you returned the key?
EWA Worker - You mean that copy of "100 Things You Can Do To Find a Better Job?" What kind of sick joke is that?
Enigma - Hmm...so you didn't like it. I see...well, how about you go park it anyways. Just be a good sport about it...perhaps this week there is a better reward awaiting you.
[ The worker stands there for a moment before speaking. ]
EWA Worker - If it has to do with money, then I suppose I can go park it one more time.
Enigma - Yes, it has to do with money....lots of it.
[ He smiles at the worker, whose eyes light up. ]
Enigma - Thanks, bud. Now, I must be off to DiMarco's area...you know where to put the key once you're done.
[ Enigma walks off after tossing the key to the worker's waiting hand. ]
[ We fade to the back where we see "Thundergod" Leon Sharpe entering in shades, jeans and a Diamondbacks jersey hauling in some bags. We then see Rob DiMarco pass by, notice Sharpe and tries to start an interview with him. ]
Rob DiMarco - Hello Thundergod.. you are just entering the building tonight before your big match with "The Cornerstone" Dino Delsante...
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Rob, yeah.. I am entering the building, but do you notice that I make quite a few apperances on this program every week?
Rob DiMarco - Yes I do, we all do, it's pretty damn obvious that you have alot of airtime...
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Well Rob, that is because EWA Tuesday Night Heat is my show.. it's obvious that if I wanted to, I can make ten appearances, do commentary, have a match, do some other stuff and nothing would stop me. This is my show.. I am essentally the Great One.
Rob DiMarco - You're the Great One? don't they call former Edmonton Oiler Wayne Gretzky the Great One?
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Gretzky? Who?.. hey Robert, talk about my match..
Rob DiMarco - Your match with the Cornerstone? questions on that will be saved until later..
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Well, let me just state that after I defeat Dino.. I will have more proof that I am the Great One. But, to all my true fans, I will always be the Thundergod and I will always be their tag team champion. That's all, I gotta get some business worked out with Tom.
[ Sharpe walks off and goes thru a door as we fade to black. ]
| Pre-Match Interview with Enigma
|
[ Rob DiMarco stands in the interview area awaiting the arrival of Enigma. ]
Rob DiMarco - Fans, I'm here waiting for Enigma to show up for a brief word or two before he takes on Sean Gunn tonight. Enigma apparently has not learned yet the virtue of being on time for a TV spot...ah, there he is.
[ Enigma comes into view at last. ]
Enigma - Alright, let's get this over with...I've got another pink slip to hand out.
[ DiMarco and Enigma both laugh. ]
Rob DiMarco - Alright, Enigma, tonight you take on Sean Gunn, another one of the EWA speechless. Your thoughts?
Enigma - [Sigh] You know, Rob...I'd love to stand right here and chat with you. But...
[ Enigma grabs the microphone from DiMarco's hand and shoves him out of the camera view. ]
Enigma - You're not needed anymore in this timeslot. So be a good little worker bee and go back to your dressing room or wherever you go hang out when you're not on camera.
[ DiMarco shouts in the background, but his voice trails off as Enigma turns and starts walking toward him. The camera catches DiMarco leaving the scene in a hurry. Finally, the camera turns back to Enigma's determined face. ]
Enigma - Well, hello everyone. It's me, EWA's perverse version of the Pink Panther. Tonight I get to terminate yet another useless waste of talent taking up a space on this promotion's roster. Sean, I would think that after seeing what I did to Mike Jacobs last week that you would be having a lot of second thoughts about obligating your contract for this match. Should you decide to be brave enough to come down to work for one last EWA paycheck, you can be rest assured that the money you get for fighting will only be useful for paying a very pitiful portion of your imminent medical bills. If you thought Stigmata through a table hurt Jacobs, you are about to discover pain even more intense. Good night, Sean Gunn...we never knew thee.
[ Enigma drops the microphone and walks off camera towards the ring. ]
One-Fall Match
"Enigma" Quentin Fitzpatrick VS Sean Gunn
|
Chris Myers - The next match is scheduled for one fall!
[ "Boom" by Royce da 5'9" blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'4" and weighing in at 273 pounds, from Houston, Texas, Sean Gunn!
[ Sean Gunn steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "Crush 'Em" by Megadeth blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'10" and weighing in at 311 pounds, from Charlotte, North Carolina, "Enigma" Quentin Fitzpatrick!
[ "Enigma" Quentin Fitzpatrick steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ Ding, Ding, Ding! ]
The Informer - Sean Gunn charges at Enigma! WHAM! BIG BOOT TO THE FACE OF SEAN GUNN! Sean Gunn gets up quickly... Enigma is ready for him! He kicks him in the gut... POWERBOMB!
Vic Canon - Damn! He nailed hiim with that one! Enigma is going to the outside now... wha'ts he doing?
Eddie Sensation - He's got a table!
The Informer - Enigma is setting up the table on the outside of the ring... perfectly centered between the ring apron and the guardrail! Let's not forget what Enigma did last week guys!
Vic Canon - How could I? That was a whole lot of violence! Enigma slides into the ring... Sean Gunn is up to his feet and waiting.... PUMPHANDLE SLAM!
Eddie Sensation - Enigma lifts Sean Gunn to his feet again... BODY PRESS SLAM!
The Informer - Enigma gets to his feet... and drags Gunn up to his feet.... BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX! Engima is pointing to that table now! This shouldn't be too pretty!
Vic Canon - He lifts Gunn... hoists him into position....... WHAM!!!!!!!!! STIGMATA, RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!! WHAT A DEVESTATING MOVE!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - Enigma is going to the outside now.... and he throws Sean Gunn into the ring! Enigma gets into the ring... lifts up Gunn... irish whips him into the corner...
The Informer - Enigma climbs to the the second rope... he hoists Gunn up into a piledriver position.... OH NO! LOOK OUT!!!!!
Vic Canon - WHAM!!!!!!!!! PILEDRIVER FROM THE SECOND ROPE!!!!!! SEAN GUNN'S NECK MUST BE BROKEN IN 3 PLACES!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - And look at that Enigma guy! He's just staring at Sean Gunn... the referee doesn't know what the hell's going on! COVER HIM YOU IDIOT!
The Informer - Sean Gunn won't reply to the referee... So the referee is counting him out!
Vic Canon - Why the hell won't Enigma pin him?! He's just staring at him! This crowd is silent! They think, as well as I do, that Sean Gunn's neck is broken! He hasn't moved an inch since he got nailed with that Piledriver!
Eddie Sensation - 9.... 10! The ref has reached 10! Enigma is just walking out of here now!
Chris Myers - Ladies and gentlemen... the winner of this match by result of KNOCK OUT.... "Enigma" Quentin Fitzpatrick!
WINNER: "Enigma" Quentin Fitzpatrick w/ Second Rope Piledriver by Knock Out
The Informer - Get some help out here for Sean Gunn!
Vic Canon - Get a psychiatrist for Enigma! He's gone psycho!
Eddie Sensation - That's what I like to see!
The Informer - I hear that now we're going to pre-taped footage from earlier today.
Vic Canon - What's this all about?
The Informer - No idea.
[ The footage plays, showing Holden Raines entering the empty arena a few hours before showtime. Raines walks down to the ring, looking around. He spots a few crew members setting up the ring ropes... ]
Holden Raines - Hey there, fellas.
[ Raines has a huge smile on his face, dasterdly in it's appearance. The crew stare at him, shaking their heads... ]
Holden Raines - What's a matter, gentlemen? Was it something I said?
[ A larger member of the crew gets up from off his knees and stands up to Holden... ]
Crew Member - Look Mr. Raines, you should leave now.
[ Holden thinks for a moment, sarcastically speaking, and looks at the rather portly man... ]
Holden Raines - And why is that, big guy?
Crew Member - It's what you said to Charles the cameraman. He's a good guy who didn't deserve what you did to him a couple days ago.
Holden Raines - Obviously he wasn't a "good guy", and he got what he so richly deserved. He was tainted, and I cleansed him.
Crew Member - Look, bub...
[ Holden grabs the big guy by the throat and begins choking him. The other members of the crew look on, not doing anything to stop him. The crew member turns blue, falling to his knees... ]
Holden Raines - Do you want the same fate, Frank? DO YOU WANT THE SAME FATE??!!! GLUTTONY....GLUTTONY!!!
[ Frank falls to his back, as Holden releases the choke. He breathes deeply, with a slight chuckle. The others in the crew seem angry, but don't help their co-worker. Raines looks at all of this, smiles and walks off... ]
Holden Raines - Arthryn is stained as well. Tonight he will be cleansed as the others have been. So much talent, it's such a shame.
[ Raines walks out of the empty arena, as the footage ends... ]
The Informer - What will Holden Raines do tonight in his re-match with Arthryn?
Eddie Sensation - Easy question .... say it with me... 2 TIME TELEVISION CHAMPION!
The Informer - I would be hard-pressed to disagree. He looks as loathsome as ever.
[ The camera goes to a shot of the backstage area. Divine is walking around with Tito on a leash behind him. He's decked out in shiny back leather pants with the butt cheeks and nipples cut out of them. As Tito follows Divine on the leash people standing in the hallway begin to laugh. Divine stops and looks around. ]
Divine - Is something funny??
[ Divine points to one of the crew members who are laughing. The crew member holds back laughter as the light reflects off of Divine's nail polish. ]
Divine - What is your name?? I'm reporting you to Tom Stone!!
EWA Staff Member - My name is Mike....
Divine - Want to be my tag team partner tonight Mike??
EWA Staff Member - Umm....I cant....
Divine - Just because you're not an EWA Superstar like me, doesnt mean you cant still be my tag team partner!!
EWA Staff Member - Buddy....even if I was an official wrestler, you couldnt pay me enough to be your tag team partner!! Especially in a get up like that!!!
[ The crew member points at Divine's outfit and then begins to laugh. Divine gets a hurt look on his face then smacks his own ass and walks away. ]
Divine - Tito....what the hell am I going to do?!? I didnt know finding a tag team partner would be this hard?!? Why wont anyone be my partner?!?
Tito - Maybe because you are so hot Mistress Divine! Maybe because they know they cant look pretty next to you since everyone's beauty pales in comparison to yours!!
Divine - How true....come Tito!!! The search continues!!!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
| Pre-Match Interview with The Hustler
|
[ We cut backstage as we see "The Hustler Marty Delaney walking with a purpose down the hallway toward the ramp entrance out into the arena. His eyes are locked forward, and in his right hand he is clenching what appears to be a metal pipe. From behind him, Rachel Stevens runs up along his left side, microphone in hand. ]
Rachel Stevens - Hustler! Hustler! Can I get a quick word with you before you step out into the arena for your match?
The Hustler - I have nothing to say to you, Rachel.
Rachel Stevens - C'mon Hustler, the people want to know what your thinking? What about Jimmy Blood?
[ Hustler stops dead in his tracks and turns immediately to Rachel Stevens. She looks into his eyes, trembling and having second thoughts about asking Hustler to stop. She slowly raises the microphone towards Hustler ]
The Hustler - Jimmy Blood? You want to know my thoughts on Jimmy Blood? Goddamn it Rachel, Jimmy Blood has nothing to do with tonight! He's merely a pawn! A fuckin reject of a wrestler who know one will remember or care about after I mangle and defeat him tonight. They'll throw him on a stretcher and dump him out on to the street, just where he belongs! Tonight only matters because it's the return of "Extremity At Its Best".
Rachel Stevens - Are you saying we will see The Hustler of old tonight? The same man who held the Extreme Title for 94 days straight?
The Hustler - NO! CHRIST ON A CRACKER, STEVENS! ARE YOU SLOW? I'm still the same man I was two years ago, five years ago, even ten years ago when I was wrestling in empty warehouses for 15 dollars a match. The same brutality, the same mindset, the same fuckin vulgarity that has plagued wrestling ring every time I've stepped into them. When I came back to the EWA, I didn't want to go this route. I didn't want to be known as a one-trick pony. I wanted to prove I could wrestle with all the top guys; to continue my climb back. That hasn't happened. Know why? Because I was too damn lazy and thought it was all going to be handed to me on a silver platter. Well that stops NOW. I'll leave my mark tonight, and it'll be this pipe I'm holding into Jimmy Blood's cranium. It'll be his blood staining the ring canvas. So, when you see all the matches after mine, you'll see the stain of Jimmy's life marking the ring. It'll be the sign that I was there. And every other wrestler after me on this card can look down and see what I'm capable of doing......what I wanted to do. I want to get in every fuckin active wrestler's mind on this roster. Jimmy Blood ain't worth shit, but what I'm going to do to him in about two minutes, that's going to mean the world.
Rachel Stevens - You have any plans after tonight?
The Hustler - Well, I'll probably go out for a few beers with some of the boys, then head back to my hotel room. I'll wake up, check out, and move on to the next city for the house show. That's what I gotta keep doing, Rachel. I have to keep going. When you stop moving, you start dying. Get busy living, or get busy dying, are the only two options I have right now. My plans are to fight, and keep fighting, or else I'll just been sitting stagnant and wasting away. Let me get this straight, the only man that can really kill me is myself, and that's letting myself waste away into nothingness. This business of fighting is what I do, and like any other business, if you don't work, you don't get anywhere. So that's what I plan on doing, Rachel, and that's to keep fighting my way up the ladder so that I may make something of myself once again.
Rachel Stevens - Well, what about....
The Hustler - No more questions, Rachel, or I'm going to tell that story of how I walked in on DiMarco wearing your thighs as earmuffs! Now get the fuck out of the way and remember....
FEAR IS A WEAPON, AND ANGER IS A GIFT
Rachel Stevens - Back to you, Informer! And what Hustler said is not true! I swear!
Extreme Rules Match
Jimmy Blood VS "The Hustler" Marty Delaney
|
Chris Myers - The next match is scheduled for one fall, and is an Extreme Rules Match!
[ "Walk" by Pantera blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'3" and weighing in at 233 pounds, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, "The Hustler" Marty Delaney!
[ "The Hustler" Marty Delaney steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "Everything Ends" by Slipknot blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'5" and weighing in at 257 pounds, from East Strousburg, Pennsylvania, Jimmy Blood!
[ Jimmy Blood steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ Ding, Ding, Ding! ]
The Informer - And here we go! They lock up... The Hustler knee's him in the stomach, then locks on a hold.... OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX! He nailed it! Jimmy Blood slides out of the ring, and goes under the ring... and pulls out a steel chair!
Vic Canon - The Hustler rolls out of the other end, and takes a baseball bat out from under the ring! Jimmy Blood slides into the ring with his chair, and The Hustler slides in with his bat! They both get up, and Jimmy Blood swings at him with the chair! The Hustler ducks... they turn around and face each other... they both swing!
Eddie Sensation - WHAM! THE WEAPONS COLLIDE IN MID AIR, AND JIMMY BLOOD'S CHAIR NAILS HIM IN HIS OWN FACE!
The Informer - Damn! The Hustler's swing was so powerful that Jimmy Blood's swing looked like a 3 year olds! Jimmy Blood is down, and is holding his face! The Hustler stands over him with the baseball bat, and begins beating him with it!
Vic Canon - OOH!! SHOTS TO THE BACK!! SHOTS TO THE RIBS!!! SHOTS TO THE SHOULDERS!!!! Jimmy Blood must be in pain!
Eddie Sensation - The Hustler slides out of the ring, and takes a lead pipe out from under the ring! Hey... what was that? Hustler just put something in his pocket!
The Informer - The Hustler slides into the ring with his lead pipe! WHAM! He nails Jimmy Blood with it! The Hustler drops the lead pipe... and reaches into his pocket! What's he got?!
Vic Canon - HANDCUFFS!!! The Hustler handcuffs one hand of Jimmy Blood's! With his other arm, Jimmy swings with a clothesline! The Hustler ducks... and now Jimmy is turned in the opposite direction of the Hustler!
Eddie Sensation - The Hustler wraps the cuffs around the ropes... and handcuffs Jimmy Blood's other hand! Jimmy Blood is handcuffed behind his back, and to the ropes!
The Informer - The Hustler picks up the lead pipe.... WHAM!!!!!! WHAM WHAM WHAM!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! THE HUSTLER IS BEATING JIMMY BLOOD IN THE FACE WITH THAT LEAD PIPE!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMY BLOOD IS BUSTED OPEN!!!!!
Vic Canon - Talk about "return to your roots"! The Hustler has returned to his extreme roots in this match! Hey! Look at the referee! He just took some lock-cutters out from under the ring!
Eddie Sensation - The ref gets on the apron, and snips the handcuffs! Jimmy Blood is free'd! The Hustler drops the lead pipe... and picks up the steel chair! He lifts it over his head.........
The Informer - WHAM!!!!! JIMMY BLOOD WITH A LOW BLOW! The Hustler drops the chair... Blood has the lead pipe! WHAM! He nails The Hustler in the stomach with it! WHAM! AGAIN, BUT IN THE FACE!
Vic Canon - Jimmy Blood drops the pipe, and throws The Hustler to the ropes.... WHAM!!!!!!! THE HUSTLER NAILS JIMMY BLOOD WITH A SPRINGBOARD SIDE KICK!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - The Hustler lifts him to his feet... Brain Buster coming up!
The Informer - NO!! WHAM!!!! INVERTED BRAIN BUSTER SUPLEX, RIGHT ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR!!!!!!! IT'S "THE DISSOLUTION"!!!!! THE HUSTLER NAILED IT, AND ONTOP OF A STEEL CHAIR!
Vic Canon - The ref counts! 1....... 2........... 3!
Chris Myers - And the winner of this match... "The Hustler" Marty Delaney!
WINNER: "The Hustler" Marty Delaney w/ The Dissolution by Pinfall
Eddie Sensation - Damn! Look at all the blood! And that match wasn't even 10 minutes!
The Informer - These two are both decent-to-good hardcore wrestlers... I wouldn't doubt it if you see them in the Extreme Title scene down the line!
Vic Canon - Damn right. The Hustler has been there before, and from what I've heard, I know Jimmy Blood wants some Extreme Gold!
Eddie Sensation - Well, he better pick up some wins over good Hardcore wrestlers first! The was one of them, and he lost!
The Informer - Oh well... life goes on Eddie! Back to the bottom of the ladder!
Vic Canon - I guess so.
| A Mysterious Occurrance...
|
[ An EWA worker comes running down the hall and bangs on Tom Stone's door. ]
Worker - Mr. Stone! Mr. Stone!
[ The door flies open and an irritated Tom Stone stands in the doorway. ]
Tom Stone - What the hell do you want?
Worker - Someone defaced Eric Walther's locker room door!
Tom Stone - What do you mean "defaced," Jeff? Graffiti?
Jeff - Yeah, yeah...graffiti...but it's wierd...you've just gotta look at it...
Tom Stone - Hrmpf. Fine, let's go.
[ The two men proceed down the hallways, making a couple of turns before reaching Walther's locker room and stopping in their tracks. They look at Walther's door and the camera zooms in... ]
Tom Stone - Hmmm...
[ Cut to commercial. ]
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
[ The camera cuts to the back to find Divine still roaming the hallways for a partner. Divine stops in front of the mens room and looks at Tito. ]
Tito - Oh Mistress....oh Mistress Divine!! There's got to be plenty of partners in there!!
Divine - You read my mind Tito!!!
[ Divine kicks open the door to the mens room and a huge smile rolls across his face. ]
Divine - HELLO GENTLEMEN!!!! IT IS I, DIVINE!!!! And I'm looking for a tag team partner....who's up for it??
[ The men in the bathroom all scream and run out, not even finishing to go to the bathroom or shake. One man, who must've been making a bile movement puts his feet up to hide the fact he's still in there. Divine instantly notices and rushes over to the door. ]
Divine - Tito....Tito....I think someone's in there!!
Tito - Si Mistress Divine!!
Divine - Well...what the hell are you waiting for?!? CHECK!!!
[ Tito sticks his head under the stall and gets kicked in the face by the man. ]
Tito - AWW!!!
Divine - OH!! YOU BASTARD!!! YOU SCREWED UP BIG TIME!!!
Man - LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Divine - BE MY TAG TEAM PARTNER!!!
Man - I'M NOT EVEN A WRESTLER!!! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!
Divine - BE MY TAG TEAM PARTNER!!!
Man - I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL SUE YOUR ASSES IF YOU TOUCH ME!!! I'LL SUE THE EWA FOR EVERYTHING!!!
Divine - I'm not going to lay a hand on you boyfriend....
[ The camera zooms in on the mans feet. Everything in the room is quiet for a few moments. You can hear the sound of a zipper unzipping. A few seconds later, a liquid is spraying all over the man's feet. ]
Man - YOU MOTHER [Beep]!!!! YOU SICK SON OF A [Beep]!!!!!!! OH MY GOD IT STINKS!!!! WHAT THE [Beep] IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?
[ Divine helps Tito up and the run out of the bathroom into the hallway. Divine collapses on the floor and begins to cry. ]
Divine - Awww.....what the hell am I going to do Tito?!? I need a tag team partner!! No one will be my partner!! What am I going to do?! What am I going to do? If I cant find a partner Tom will NEVER let me wrestle....NEVER.....aww....boo....boo hoo.....boo hoo hoo......boo hoo hoo hoo.....boo hoo.....boo hoo hoo......
[ Divine begins to cry as Tito trys to comfort him and the the scene fades. ]
| Pre-Match Interview with "The Rifleman" Eric Walther
|
[ Backstage, "The Rifleman" Eric Walther walks up to where Rob DiMarco is setting up for an interview. Walther is wearing tiger-stripe fatigues, his army boots, and a black t-shirt that on the front has a picture of the EWA tag team title, and says "Regulators: EWA Forever" and on the back says "GRUNT!" ]
Rob DiMarco - Well Mr. Walther, you're about to defend your North American title yet again, this time against 3 men. What are your thoughts on El GiGante?
Eric Walther - Well, since I've creamed him now three times, and almost ended his career, I think it's pretty safe to say that he's not going to be too much of a problem for me.
Rob DiMarco - What about C2, Chris Canton?
Eric Walther - C squared looked pretty promising for a few weeks, didn't he? Got a few big wins in his first few matches. But ever since he involved himself in my business, trying to get MY North American Title, he's been getting creamed. He's been damn near silent, because I reduced him into nothing. I exposed him as the pussy he really is. And now, he's scared. He's frightened. He doesn't want to get back in the ring with me, because now everyone can see what he really is. I'm going to destroy him one more time, right in front of all of the fans, and when I put him down with the Last Shot, everyone is going to be cheering for me, and laughing at how pitiful he is.
Rob DiMarco - And IcE?
Eric Walther - I dunno man. He doesn't seem like much to me. He was a former Extreme champion, but he got DOMINATED by Ken Doe and the rest of the Order, and ever since, he hasn't seemed like himself. Whatever though. He's just another little punk who's clock I'm going to clean.
Rob DiMarco - What about Nomad, you think he'll get involved?
Eric Walther - I don't care if he does to be honest. If he sticks his nose in my business, I'm going to knock his ass out, just like anyone else. Legend my ass, he's a prick. And if I even see his ugly mug anywhere near that ring, I'll beat him so bad he won't know what day it is. I respect my superiors, I'll give them their due. Nomad, your due is for me to teach you a few lessons in the way things work in the real world. The real world, where pricks like you are a dime a dozen, and where they get their ass kicked. The interview is over.
EWA North American Title Match
"The Rifleman" Eric Walther (c) VS IcE VS Chris Canton
VS "Soul SurViVa" El GiGante
|
Chris Myers - The next match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the EWA North American Championship!
[ "How You Remind Me" by Nickleback blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... THE CHAMPION! Standing 6'9" and weighing in at 272 pounds, from Washington, DC, "The Rifleman" Eric Walther!
[ "The Rifleman" Eric Walther steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "Superthug" by Norega blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Next... standing 5'10" and weighing in at 180 pounds, from Madrid, Spain, "Soul SurViVa" El GiGante!
[ Nobody comes out. "Soul SurViVa" El GiGante is nowhere to be seen. ]
[ "Dammit" by Blink 182 blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Next... standing 6'2" and weighing in at 225 pounds, from Portland, Oregon, Chris Canton!
[ Nobody comes out. Chris Canton is nowhere to be seen. ]
[ "Left Behind" by Slipknot blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And finally... standing 5'11" and weighing in at 211 pounds, from Milbank, South Dakota, IcE!
[ Nobody comes out. IcE is nowhere to be seen. ]
The Informer - What the hell is going on?! El GiGante, Chris Canton AND IcE are nowhere to be seen!
Vic Canon - Have they all died or something?!
Eddie Sensation - I guess so!
The Informer - Eric Walther is just standing there... talking to the referee! He looks pretty confused!
Vic Canon - Chris Myers is on the mic... here comes the official word.
Chris Myers - Ladies and Gentlemen.... the winner of this match by result of forfiet... AND STILL EWA NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION, "The Rifleman" Eric Walther!
WINNER: "The Rifleman" Eric Walther by Forfeit
Eddie Sensation - Good! I didn't really want to watch this match anyway.
The Informer - It's a shame.... all three people have a great opportunity, and nobody shows up. Bunch of idiots.
Vic Canon - I agree, Informer.
[ Backstage in Tom Stone's office, the phone rings. Stone, sitting behind his desk, picks it up... ]
Tom Stone - Stone speaking...
[ Pause ]
Tom Stone - Yes...
[ Pause ]
Tom Stone - Yes...
[ Pause ]
Tom Stone - He's pretty banged up still. I understand.
[ Pause ]
Tom Stone - I've already told him not to compete tonight, but he wouldn't listen.
[ Pause ]
Tom Stone - Right. Ok, then that's that.
[ Back in the arena... ]
The Informer - What was that about?
Vic Canon - Tom looks worried to me.
The Informer - It sounds like something is going to go down.
Rob DiMarco - Fans I'm here backstage, "The Original Outlaw" Vinny D has just arrived, I'm going to get a few words with him.... Vinny D? Vinny D?? Can I get a few words ....
[ "The Original Outlaw" Vinny D walks right past DiMarco as DiMarco stands awaiting an answer ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - No.
Rob DiMarco - But..... But....
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - No.
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
| Pre-Match Interview with "The Future" Jay Flash
|
[ We fade into the backstage area, where Rachel Stevens found stood beside the new-look Jay Flash, which sends the EWA fans into a frenzy of boo's. The couple are currently standing in front of a steel wire and wooden structure, embezzled with the famous EWA logo. Flash, who is currently wearing his new ring attire of black leather pants, dark black boots, and a pair of black shoot fighting gloves, appears to be very agitated. His long brown hair is wet, and hangs over his eyes, whilst his torso has an apparent shine to it. Stevens looks somewhat intimidated, yet she begins to question the 6ft4, 270lbs wrestler... ]
Rachel Stevens - Jay, this week saw somewhat of an attitude adjustment for you. The question that everyone here wants to is "why?"
[ Flash turns to Stevens, and crouches down slightly, bringing them eye-to-eye. His silver-blue eyes wide open, and his finger pointing to his face, the Englishman begins to speak... ]
"The Future" Jay Flash - First things first Rachel, do I scare you?
Rachel Stevens - No...
"The Future" Jay Flash - WELL YOU SHOULD. You see right now, in this shit hole of a city, I am feeling just a little bit crazy.
[ Flash takes his hand away from his face, and stands up straight. Towering over Rachel, he is an intimidating figure to behold. He continues... ]
"The Future" Jay Flash - As for this little "adjustment" of which you speak, it's for the better don't you think? I am so tired of these fans, of these wrestlers, of these promoters, and of air-headed little bitches like you, that I've decided to look out for number one from here on in. No longer do I live for the cheers from my "adoring" fans, the same adoring fans that wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire. All I want to do now is break things. And all that starts tonight.
Rachel Stevens - Yes, tonight. Anything to say to, or regarding your opponent?
"The Future" Jay Flash - What's to say? Does he stand a chance? No. No he doesn't. Sakyo has the gift of the gab, and very little else. In fact, I think I would go as far as to say that he is a sub-par contender. The fact of the matter is, he thinks he has me figured out. He thinks that he has penetrated my skull, and wormed his way into my brain. He's under the impression that once he got through my skull, and into my brain, that he took a little walk around, even took a seat upon the park bench in left hemisphere, and scanned around all the thoughts that are floating around in there. Could this be so? Is it not clear that if Sakyo had indeed figured me out, he would've seen something so terrifying that his hair would've turned white, and a blank stare would pass across his face for all eternity? No Sakyo, you don't have me figured out. If you had me figured out, you wouldn't have turned up here tonight. Nobody has Jay Flash figured out, not even Jay Flash.
Rachel Stevens - You seem very sure of myself.
"The Future" Jay Flash - I don't see how I seem that way. I don't even know who I am anymore. All I know is that I have this burning rage from the fires in my chest, just waiting to be unleashed. I want to hurt people, Rachel, I want to hurt them in ways that are so inconceivable to people like you, that even if I told you of my plans, you would run away screaming in horror. Won't you let me show you Rachel? Won't you let me help you? Help you experience what it's like here in the shade?
[ Flash starts to edge towards Stevens, whose face has turned to a look of sheer horror. ]
"The Future" Jay Flash - How about it? How about I take you into my arms and let you feel what the real cold is like?
[ Stevens backs away even further, and just as Flash extends his arms, she flees from the scene. Flash stands alone, yet he continues. He looks into the camera, and is hyperventilating like a madman. His fists are clenched, and he is slightly hunched over... ]
"The Future" Jay Flash - Tonight it begins. My reign of terror is imminent. Prepare yourselves.
[ Flash grips his head, and pulls at his own hair. He lets out a loud, sickening scream... ]
"The Future" Jay Flash - You'll all feel my pain.
[ The scene fades, with a lasting image of a tortured Jay Flash burned upon the minds of all those viewing the scenes. ]
| Pre-Match Interview with Sakyo Kyuma
|
[ Rob DiMarco is standing backstage wiping his brow after finishing a hard interview with one of the biggest wrestling stars today. Sakyo Kyuma walks right by him without him even knowing at first. Rob stops him immediately and begins askingquestions before Sakyo heads to the ring for his second match in his hopefullylong lasting EWA career. ]
Rob DiMarco - Sakyo, I must ask you something before you head to the ring. Now the other day you talked to me about Jay Flash and tonight isthe night!!! Do you have anybutterflies, or atleast comments for us here in the EWA, and the fans at home?
[ Sakyo turns his head towards Rob and stares coldly into hiseyes. He then smirks, gives a smalllittle laugh and turns to Rob. He grabsthe microphone and begins to speak. ]
Sakyo Kyuma - The Future…..The Past…. The Present…. I who havenothing, shall rise up like Lazerous, and slay like Atilla the Hun. Forever, nothing has consumed my soul, andmy body is nothing more than a shell for a man who lives through no pain, feelsno pain, and will push through this war against you Jay to show you that thereis nothing I need to be sorry for, for what I do has no concern to me. My body and soul is dead to the world, but notdead to myself and my master. TonightJay Flash… your going to feel the technique of illusion…. Hell your alreadythere. I was born ready…. the Past hasalways been mine, the Present is mine and shall be till I fall…. And the Futureis mine for no one can make me fall….
Rob DiMarco - Tha…
[ Sakyo Kyuma cuts Rob off, and grabs the microphoneback. He looks deep into the camerawith his cold eyes, burning with fury, and speaks once more. ]
Sakyo Kyuma - Jay Flash…. You think I act Godly because Iknow where my mind, body, and soul as one stand. You think I know you like the back of my hand…. And you think Ihave the idea’s in my mind that there is no way I can lose. You are wrong Jay. I am no God… A Prince of a God… maybe. But not a God. As forknowing you Jay… Its not hard to understand a man’s psyche. I mean, you know me right?!? You say you do…. But I don’t think youreally know WHO I am. And as forbeating you tonight… I will for you live in your anger, therefore you will diein your anger. Don’t you understand theway your life is going? The way yourmind works, and what is ahead of you? You want to be an Avatar to Darkness…. You want to be my Satan as Iquote unquote play God. Before youstart acting as if you’re the worst thing known to man Jay…. Look deep into myeyes. I am your Guardian.Of.Darkness….the retainer of the Avatar…and before you realize who I really am…Jay maybe I am HIM. Maybe my GOD isn’twho you really think he is. And maybeas a median to the Gods of the earth, I am a little different than I speak ofmyself. A God’s body does not alwayslooked chizzled… A God’s look is not always perferct. A God is the earth, sun, moon, stars in the sky that you reflectupon, water, food, and animal that you make obey. A God is everything around you Jay…..
[ Stops Rob from interrupting him once again and stares intothe camera as he finishes his interview. ]
Sakyo Kyuma - ….But as soon as you start falling into the hole ofdeath and despaire and start thinking with self-interested…. things get bad…Jay that is stepping into a whole new world. That’s not becoming a Median to the God’s so that you can warn man ofwhat is next to come for us. Yourright, its stepping into the world of Satan giving your soul to him.. ratherthan for him. But Jay, remember where Icome from. My soul is mine… but restsin another world, with another man…. remember what I have done in the past,…. The present…. And the Future…. JayFlash, I am the master of the technique of illusion and my God may very well beyours. You want to be militant… Its allin the soul and in the mind Jay…. All in the SOUL and MIND!
GENJUTSUSHI!!!!!!!
[ With that Sakyo throws the microphone at Rob and just begins to walk off heading to the ring entrance. ]
One-Fall Match
Sakyo "Genjutsushi" Kyuma VS "The Future" Jay Flash
|
Chris Myers - The next match is scheduled for one fall!
[ "God Send Death" By Slayer blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'4" and weighing in at 278 pounds, from Birmingham, England, "The Future" Jay Flash!
[ "The Future" Jay Flash steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "I Who Have Nothing" by Jedi Mind Tricks blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'5" and weighing in at 164 pounds, from Osaki, Japan, Sakyo "Genjutsushi" Kyuma!
[ Sakyo "Genjutsushi" Kyuma steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ Ding, Ding, Ding! ]
The Informer - Sakyo swings with a clothesline! Flash ducks, and grabs him in a waist lock! DRAGON SUPLEX BY JAY FLASH! Sakyo gets to his feet... DROP KICK by Jay Flash!
Vic Canon - Sakyo Kyuma slowly gets to his feet... he turns around... Jay Flash with a clothesline! NO! Sakyo ducks, and grabs him in a Full Nelson... FULL NELSON SUPLEX BY SAKYO KYUMA!
Eddie Sensation - Jay Flash gets to his feet... and just as he does, Sakyo grabs him in a waist lock!
The Informer - GERMAN SUPLEX! Sakyo holds him still... they both get up... GERMAN SUPLEX! He holds him again! They get up.... GERMAN SUPLEX! 3 German Suplexes by Sakyo Kyuma!
Vic Canon - And now he's going to the top rope! Sakyo is up top, waiting for Jay Flash.... Flash is up! LOOK OUT!
Eddie Sensation - TOP ROPE HURRACANRANA! Into a pin! 1........ 2......... OOH! Kickout by Jay Flash, just in time!
The Informer - Sakyo Kyuma gets to his feet, and so does Jay Flash... Sakyo throws him to the ropes... Jay Flash with a Handspring Elbow! Sakyo didn't see it coming! He got knocked flat on his butt!
Vic Canon - Jay Flash hits the ropes.... ROLLING THUNDER LEGDROP! He covers Sakyo... the ref counts... 1.... 2..... no! Kickout!
Eddie Sensation - "The Future" Jay Flash climbs to the top rope now... Sakyo is slowly getting to his feet! Jay Flash is perched on top! Sakyo charges at him.... Jay Flash kicks him in the side of the head!
The Informer - Jay Flash steps down onto the second rope, and brings Sakyo Kyuma towards him.... LOOK OUT!!!! OOOOOOH!!!!!!! POWERBOMB OFF THE SECOND ROPE!!!!!!!! HE NAILED IT!!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - But he's not going for the cover! Jay Flash is going back to the top rope!
Eddie Sensation - This could be it for Sakyo Kyuma!
The Informer - Jay Flash jumps! OOOOH!!!!!!! FROG SPLASH ELBOWDROP!!!!! HE NAILED IT!
Vic Canon - He covers Sakyo! The ref counts.... 1....... 2............. OOH! KICKOUT! It doesn't get closer than that fans!
Eddie Sensation - I'm pretty sure that was a 3 count!
The Informer - You're wrong, Eddie! Jay Flash looks a little frustrated... he lifts Sakyo Kyuma to his feet.... Hanging Vertical Suplex! No! Sakyo lands on his feet... ROLL UP! ROLL UP FROM BEHIND!
Vic Canon - 1...... 2............... NO!!!!
Eddie Sensation - Damn! That was close! Jay Flash almost got beat!
The Informer - Jay Flash gets up, and faces Sakyo.... he charges at him! OOOH!!! SAKYO WITH A KICK TO THE FAMILY JEWELS!
Vic Canon - Sakyo nailed him with a low blow! The referee was out of a position, he thinks it was a kick to the stomach! Sakyo pulls the doubled-over Jay Flash towards him.... LOOK OUT!!!!
Eddie Sensation - RUNNING POWERBOMB!!!!!!!!! INTO A PIN! 1.......... 2............... NO!!!
The Informer - Jay Flash gets his hand on the bottom rope! Sakyo Kyuma gets up, and takes a breath...... and Jay Flash slides out of the ring!
Vic Canon - Jay Flash is looking under the ring for something.... what the hell does he have there?
Eddie Sensation - Zoom in, dammit! HEY! He's got some brass knuckles! Sakyo Kyuma doesn't know what the hell is going on... all he see's is Jay Flash leaned over on the ring apron! He thinks he's hurt!
The Informer - LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!! CORKSCREW SUICIDE DIVE BY SAKYO KYUMA!!!!!!!!! BUT JAY FLASH PUNCHED HIM RIGHT IN THE HEAD AS HE CAME DIVING AT HIM!!!! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN ON THE OUTSIDE!!!!!
Vic Canon - Wait! Jay Flash is getting to his feet, and he just threw the brass knuckles to the side! He lifts Sakyo Kyuma to his feet...... OH MY GOD!!!!! SPINNING BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX BY JAY FLASH, AND HE DROVE SAKYO'S BACK RIGHT INTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - Damn! Sakyo Kyuma looks to be in a lot of pain!
The Informer - Now what?! Jay Flash is coming towards us.... and he's got a steel chair!
Vic Canon - Here comes the referee! He's warning Jay Flash not to use that chair! ....WHAM!!!!!!!! JAY FLASH NAILS SAKYO WITH THE CHAIR!!!!
Eddie Sensation - Where the hell is the bell?! The referee is letting that one go?!
The Informer - It looks like the referee is warning Jay Flash again! WHAM!!!!!!!! JAY FLASH STRIKES SAKYO KYUMA WITH THE CHAIR FOR A SECOND TIME!
Vic Canon - Now the referee is telling him that if he does it one more time, he's going to be disqualified! JAY FLASH SWINGS!
Eddie Sensation - NO! THE REF GRABS THE CHAIR!
The Informer - OOH! JAY FLASH SHOVED THE REFEREE INTO THE STEEL RING POST! The ref drops the chair... Jay Flash picks it up.... WHAM!!!!!!!! JAY FLASH NAILS THE REFEREE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!!!!!!
Vic Canon - WHAM!!!!!!! AND HE NAILS SAKYO KYUMA WITH IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
Chris Myers - The winner of this match by result of a disqualification, Sakyo "Genjutsushi" Kyuma!
WINNER: Sakyo "Genjutsushi" Kyuma by Disqualification
Eddie Sensation - Jay Flash picks up Sakyo, and rolls him into the ring! Jay Flash gets into the ring.... he places the chair on the mat in the middle of the ring.....
The Informer - Jay Flash hoists Sakyo Kyuma onto his shoulders....... LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE FLASHBACK!!!!!!!!! RIGHT ONTO THAT STEEL CHAIR!!!!!! SOMEONE STOP THIS!!!!!! JAY FLASH IS RELENTLESS!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - Sakyo Kyuma is out cold! Jay Flash has gone NUTS! He was doing fine until he grabbed that steel chair!
The Informer - What about the brass knuckles?!?! FINALLY, Jay Flash is getting the hell out of here, just as help comes down for the referee and Sakyo Kyuma!
Vic Canon - Fans, we'll be right back. Don't go anywhere!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
[ Vinny D sits in his dressing room watching something on a monitor. Tabitha's voice can be heard and as the camera pans over it is shown that it is her interview from last week's Heat. The camera pans back over to Vinny D and tears are rolling down his cheeks ]
The Informer - He's crying?
Vic Canon - Hahaha!!! What a wuss! I guess Vinny D isn't as tough as everyone thinks!
Eddie Sensation - Say it ain't so Vinny D. Say it ain't so.
[ Vinny D gets up and walks out of the lockeroom, tears still flowing down his cheeks ]
| Pre-Match Interview with "Thundergod" Leon Sharpe
|
[ We go to the back where we see Rob DiMarco standing by with a microphone. "The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe is seen walking into the ring with a chair, he puts the chair down and sits down on it with his back to the camera and the words "Thundergod" seen on the back of the chair. ]
Rob DiMarco - Well Thundergod, don't you think that you should face the camera for this interview?
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - I'd do that.. but I frankly have to do something right now. Let me make the call.
Rob DiMarco - Can't you take care of this earlier?
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Sure.. but it'd be more entertaining if I did it now..
Rob DiMarco - Let's wait on Thundergod Leon Sharpe here..
[ Sharpe is seen dialing and putting a cell phone to his ear. ]
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - I'd like to order 32 personal pan pizzas, 4 boxes of chicken wings and some crazy bread... wait, you don't have Crazy Bread? oh... forget that... I'm at 7424 118th Avenue in Edmonton... deliever it backstage, let me give you the number in a moment.
[ Sharpe walks off stage for a moment and then walks back on with the cellphone. ]
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Okay... if you don't find me backstage.. just track down Rob DiMarco.. I'm sure he has $455.93 on him.
[ Sharpe hangs up the phone and puts it in his bag. ]
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - I'm done.. I just had to order some pizza, to celebrate my victory over Dino Delsante.
[ Sharpe smirks. ]
Rob DiMarco - What makes you so confident about beating Delsante?
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Ha! Dino can't beat Mud, he doesn't have a shot of beating me. But, I will just beat him into the canvas before pinning him.
Rob DiMarco - Do you think you are underestimating the Cornerstone?
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Just a bit.. but I know Dino can't win the big matches. Dino's pretty much a choke artist. Has the poor soul ever managed to not blow it? I'd hope that he feels great when he is in pain on the canvas. He must pay the price..
Rob DiMarco - Pay the price for that?
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - The price for Tom Stone's PMS causing him to not give me back MY tag team titles. You know what? I beat both Fabulous Bastards easily. I am not dealing with dOeMEGA Force tonight.. I am dealing with Dino Delsante, after I beat Dino, I will be closer to taking back my tag team title belts.
[ Sharpe makes belt motions around his shoulders ]
Rob DiMarco - But, what about Dino? you think he might upset you?
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Eh... it could happen, but I don't concern myself with the unlikely things. Dino has a major case of envy, he tries to psych me out thru his ineffective tactics while he cannot win a match without help. Dino knows that I am more of a man than he is. Dino knows that he is just a pussy. Dino knows that the fans that are on his side can't help him. In fact, I will silence those fans of his. He knows that the people on my side, the thousands.. and thousands.. of my fans in this arena, are the majority. Those fans know that you are with me, or you are against me.
Rob DiMarco - You have taken a more hostile attitude to the fans lately.. while becoming more of an egomaniac..
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Yes.. you see, those fans didn't do jackshit for me last week and they are around cheering for an asshole like Delsante. It proves that it is not worth my time to kiss up to them.
Rob DiMarco - Any last comments?
[ Sharpe takes his cellphone out of the bag and puts it to his ear. ]
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - I just got a call.. Dino, you gotta go to the hospital after your match, for it appears that you will be destroyed in just 5 minutes. And that, my son, doesn't need to be written in stone, it's a damn GUARANTEE!
[ Sharpe walks off from the set. ]
| Pre-Match Interview with "The Cornerstone" Dino Delsante
|
Rachel Stevens - Dino, you are about to face a man who has a real vendetta against you. What are your thoughts as you get ready to face "Thundergod" Leon Sharpe?
"The Cornerstone" Dino Delsante - My thoughts? I'll tell you what I'm thinking. I---
[ Dino is struck from behind and we see M.U.D. standing above him. ]
Rachel Stevens - Guys, back to ringside!
The Informer - Actually, keep the camera rolling back there! This may affect the match somehow.
[ M.U.D. runs over to Dino and drops with a drifting kick to the side of Dino's head and knocks it against the wall. He gets back up and begins to drop elbows and brute fists on his neck. ]
Vic Canon - I didn't even know M.U.D. was here tonight!! Dino is stuck against the wall!! His arms are trapped underneath of him!! GET UP!!
Eddie Sensation - Shh! I wanna hear what he's saying?
M.U.D. - We never finished what we had intentions for, Dino! Now, I'm just sending you a reminder!
The Informer - It sounds like M.U.D. isn't finished with Dino yet!!
Eddie Sensation - I see why… he never got a fair match…
The Informer - Fair match? It was a double pin!
Vic Canon - Yeah, and he never got an even match against Vito Techno either... but he's been fired. Get over it, I say!
Eddie Sensation - You would!
[ M.U.D. takes a step back and let's the camera zoom in on Dino, lying on the floor breathing heavily. M.U.D. grabs Dino's head and begins to punch it repeatedly for good measure. ]
Vic Canon - Dino's busted open again.
Eddie Sensation - That's real observant of you, Canon.
M.U.D. - This is just to let you know we are not finished yet. I never walk away from anything until it is complete. And you and I and our purpose, have yet to resolve. Dino, I can smell your blood. It smells like melody, you wretched filth. *smiles* I love to see you curl like a baby inside of a womb that has yet to be born. You remind me of when something still grows before it begins to die.
[ M.U.D. picks Delsante up and sets him up against the wall. Dino somehow holds himself up. M.U.D. crescent kicks Dino on the side of his face and knocks him out cold. Blood stains are left on M.U.D.'s shoe. ]
M.U.D. - Hmmph... [Another close up smile]
[ He wipes the blood off on Dino's shirt and walks out of the room. ]
M.U.D. - Let me turn the lights out for you so you can think back on what just happened…child.
[ M.U.D. is looking to end it right here. He grabs a steel box used for holding electrical wires and picks it up over his head. ]
The Informer - Oh GOOD GOD, DON'T! Dino's already out cold! He may not make his match with Sharpe!
Eddie Sensation - That's what he gets for playing with M.U.D.
[ Just then, "The Hustler" Marty Delaney rushes in to make the save. M.U.D. runs off as Delaney tends to his fallen friend. EMT's enter the scene now. ]
Eddie Sensation - What the hell was that all about?
Vic Canon - These guys are going to be at it for a long time. M.U.D. literally tore the hell out of Dino, short and sweet, and made sure he won't get up for a long time…
One-Fall Match
"The Cornerstone" Dino Delsante VS "Thundergod" Leon Sharpe
|
Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall!
[ "Dragula" by Rob Zombie blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first, standing 6'11" and weighing in at 305 pounds, from Kingman, Arizona, The self-proclaimed Great One, "The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe!
[ Sharpe walks out of the curtains holding a ring mic as we notice the visable boos for him. ]
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Hello Edmonton!! Hello to all my fans.. I still don't care about you but I know you are better than any Deano Delsante fan. Now, I have invited one of the World Series winning Diamondbacks to this event.. let me introduce him to you...
[ Sharpe has stepped into the ring by this time. ]
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Number Forty-nine... the first Korean to play in the World Series... Byung-Hyun Kim!
[ We see Byung-Hyun Kim stand up from his seat and bow as we hear some clapping for him, but a chant of "Sharpe sucks!" is heard, irking the Thundergod a bit. ]
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - So, before I take out the Kidneystone.. I want Byung-Hung to get in the ring with me to recongize the fact that he is from a Sports team that won a championship.
[ Byung-Hyun seems reluctant at first.. but he decides to step over the guardrail and go into the ring. ]
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - Byung-Hyun may not remember the Korean War, but I have read that the South Koreans got their tails kicked until America bailed them out. In this series, Kim got his tail kicked twice and Americans bailed out the Diamondbacks. But B.H. Kim.. your teammates have no hard feelings against you for losing two games, why should they? you won the series..
[ Sharpe smirks as Kim grins a bit. ]
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - But, since I don't have my belts back, I won't be so forgiving..
[ Sharpe throws his mic down and lays out Kim with a size 23 boot to the face ]
Vic Canon - DAMNIT! DON'T DO THAT LEON! YOUR DAMN TEAM WON THE SERIES EVEN IF HE LOST TWO GAMES! FORGIVE HIM DAMNIT!
Eddie Sensation - Well.. Byung-Hyun Kim was 22.. may he rest in peace..
[ Sharpe starts pounding on the 5'11", 177 pound Kim until security breaks that up and manages to restore order. ]
[ "Alive" by P.O.D. blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'3" and weighing in at 240 pounds, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, "The Cornerstone" Dino Delsante!
[ Gold and white pyro rain down from above the EWA-Tron. Rising from a trap door in the stage is a bandaged, banged up Dino Delsante. "The Cornerstone" limps to the ring, his eyes dead set on "The Thundergod." Dino gets to ringside and removes all of the bandages and tape and slides into the ring. ]
[ Ding, Ding, Ding! ]
The Informer - Here we go! They're circling... Sharpe wants to test Dino's strength! They lock hands.....
Vic Canon - Leon Sharpe kicks him in the stomach! Dino falls to his knees... their hands are still locked! Leon Sharpe lowers Dino's hands to the mat.... AND STOMPS ON THEM! MY GOD!
Eddie Sensation - That's going to fracture something!
The Informer - OOH! LEON SHARPE DROPS A KNEE ON DINO DELSANTE'S HANDS! I guess Leon Sharpe plans to break Dino's hands, so he can't use them!
Vic Canon - Haha! Leon Sharpe lifts Dino to his feet.... SHOULDERBREAKER! But Leon gets right back up... and grabs Dino in a Full Nelson!
Eddie Sensation - The referee is asking Dino if he gives up! Dino says no, obviously!
The Informer - Leon Sharpe releases the Full Nelson, moves his arms down, and NAILS A GERMAN SUPLEX!
Vic Canon - Dino is taking a beating! Leon Sharpe stands over Dino Delsante... and applies a Camel Clutch! The referee is asking Dino if he gives!
Eddie Sensation - Dino replies with a "Screw you, Sharpe!" Dino crawls towards the ropes... and grabs the bottom rope!
The Informer - Leon Sharpe releases the hold, and lifts Dino to his feet... he scoops him up... TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! NO! DINO CRAWLS BETWEEN HIS LEGS, AND ROLLS HIM UP!
Vic Canon - 1......... 2........ NO! Sharpe just gets out!
Eddie Sensation - Leon Sharpe gets up, and charges at Dino with a clothesline! Dino ducks... Short Arm Clothesline by Delsante!
The Informer - Leon Sharpe gets right back up... Fisherman's DDT by Delsante! He covers Sharpe... 1.... 2.... No! Kickout!
Vic Canon - Dino Delsante lifts Leon Sharpe to his feet... he scoops him! THE STEEL CURTAIN! NO! Leon Sharpe flips over his shoulder and lands on his feet! Dino turns around, Sharpe scoops him.... THE LSS!!!!
Eddie Sensation - NO! DELSANTE GETS OUT THIS TIME!
The Informer - Dino lands on his feet... Sharpe HEAVES a clothesline at Dino! Dino ducks, and ROLLS HIM UP!
Vic Canon - 1.......... 2...........
Eddie Sensation - HAND FULL OF TIGHTS!!! HAND FULL OF TIGHTS!!!
The Informer - 3!!!!!!!!!!!! DELSANTE WINS!!!!!!
Chris Myers - And the winner of this match... "The Cornerstone" Dino Delsante!
WINNER: "The Cornerstone" Dino Delsante w/ Roll Up by Pinfall
Vic Canon - Well that was a cheap way to win!
Eddie Sensation - Hey, a win is a win! Doesn't matter how you get it!
The Informer - Exactly Eddie. Any way you look at it, Dino Delsante just defeated Leon Sharpe.
Vic Canon - Yeah yeah yeah.... lets move on....
[ Vinny D is walking in the lockerom area and gets to a door. He knocks on the door and Tabitha answers. Before she can speak he raises his finger to her lips ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Shhhhh. Before you say anything. I think I jumped to conclusions last week. Maybe I was a little brash on ending what we shared. I came here to say I'm sorry and see if maybe there's a chance, we can fix what I broke.....
[ Tabitha, stunned, says nothing as Vinny D drops his finger from her lips, she motions for him to come in and he does so. The door is closed ]
Vic Canon - What is this?? Has Vinny D seen the light?
Eddie Sensation - Seen the light? I think he's got dirt in his eyes. What's wrong with you Vinny D?
| Pre-Match Interview with The Order
|
[ Backstage, a camera catches the backs of Captain Loco and Senor X as they are waking toward the entrance en route to their Tag Team Championship match against The Order. They are inaudibly discussing what appears to be strategy, but upon turning a corner, a sudden sight changes their tune! ]
Captain Loco - AYE, AYE, AYE!!!!
Senor X - NO ME GUSTA!!!
[ Striking as if spring-loaded, all three members of The Order jump the Latinos with viscious force! In the background, Hannah leans against a wall and watches admiringly as Ken Doe drives Captain Loco through a table with a fireman's suplex! Nearby, Alpha and Omega whip Senor X headlong into a vending machine! ]
Vic Canon - Now this is good stuff!
The Informer - Ken Doe may be the Extreme Champion, but this isn't the Tag Title match!
Eddie Sensation - Normally I'd call the Order a bunch of pussies...but something about seeing those two Mexican morons getting slaughtered just seems right!
[ Ken Doe joins Hannah a little bit aways from the mayhem, and they go arm-in-arm out of sight as Alpha and Omega pull Captain Loco and Senor X up from their respective spots and drag them in tow behind their leader. ]
EWA Tag Team Title Match
The Order (c) VS Fabulosos Los Bastardos
|
Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall and is for the EWA Ta--
[ Suddenly, Staind's "Just Go" cuts Myers off! To a surprising amount of cheers, Ken Doe and Hannah appear with Alpha and Omega, bearing the beaten-down forms of Fabulosos Los Bastardos, close behind. ]
The Informer - Well, I guess we're gonna' have a match...
Eddie Sensation - And we use that term loosely!
The Informer - Alpha and Omega, the Order-assigned nicknames of the men once know, respectively, as Rick Randle and Rocky Blonde, are rolling Captain Loco and Senor X into the ring while...HEY! What are you doing?!
Vic Canon - Ken Doe has joined us at the announce table!
Ken Doe - Indeed I have...
Eddie Sensation - And to what do we owe this honor, oh Extreme One?
Ken Doe - Bite your tongue, Eddie, or I'll rip it out!
Eddie Sensation - Ooh, did I strike a nerve?
Ken Doe - I am in no mood for the immature blabbering of just three men who, like the wrestlers you praise week-after-week, are blind to truth...
Vic Canon - Hey Ken, mind if I ask you something?
Ken Doe - ...Three men who preach greatness to the ignorant, and thus pass on to them your own blindness.
Vic Canon - Uh, Ken?
Ken Doe - Observe the ring, people. Watch the added power of truth!
The Informer - Well, apparently Alpha and Omega are representing the Order tonight despite the fact that it was KEN DOE and Omega who won the title off of Leon Sharpe.
Eddie Sensation - Hey, speaking of blind people...are you guys really dumb enough to think you won those belts fairly?
Ken Doe - Fair is a judgement you make based on YOUR rules.
Eddie Sensation - The rules of nature, you mean! I don't care who you pray to or what you believe in...a two-on-one is a two-on-one!
The Informer - A-hem...what about the girl?
Eddie Sensation - RIGHT! I forgot...THREE-on-one!
The Informer - Well, the leader of the Order has tuned us out to watch his boys in action, and they sure are looking sharp here as Alpha whips Senor X into a dropkick from Omega!
Eddie Sensation - Captain Loco isn't even on the ring apron! He's still whiped-out down on the mat!
The Informer - The official is demanding that Alpha go outside the ropes, and he's complying after a sick smile to his partner! Omega now whipping Senor X into the ropes...TILT-THE-WHIRL backbreaker!
Ken Doe - Flawless...
The Informer - Omega now with the tag to Alpha, and the lightweight is going up top! Senor X had to be halfaway across the ring here, but nonetheless...SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!!
Ken Doe - Spectacular...
Vic Canon - Ken, could you answer my question?
Ken Doe - ...And you people dare have the gaul to hate us? We give you everything you've ever asked for, and yet you chastise us!
Vic Canon - Guess not...
The Informer - Alpha with the tag to Omega, and now it's Omega going up top while Alpha pulls Senor X off the mat.
Ken Doe - I grow weary...
The Informer - What do you me--
[ Sound of a headswet being removed... ]
The Informer - Well, there goes Doe!
Eddie Sensation - DARN! I was really enjoying that...
The Informer - Ken Doe with a steel chair in hand, and he's coming up on Captain Loco on the other side of the outside floor! Meanwhile, Alpha scoops up Senor X and delivers him to a waiting Omega on the top rope!
Eddie Sensation - I smell injury...
The Informer - Captain Loco has pulled his way up onto the ring apron, sitting on a single knee, but Doe is right behind with the chair!
CRAAAACK!!!
Vic Canon - Call a chiropractor!
The Informer - And Loco just fell right back down at the feet of Doe! But look up top: Omega's got Senor X up on his shoulders...AND DOWN THEY GO!!!
Eddie Sensation - FALLING POWER BOMB!
Vic Canon - Make that TWO chiropractors!
Eddie Sensation - Couldn't the same chiropractor work on both guys?
Vic Canon - WHY DO YOU CRITICIZE EVERYTHING I SAY?!?!?!
The Informer - Whoah...calm down Vic!
Eddie Sensation - Don't cry, Vicky...
The Informer - Omega now with the pinfall... and it's one-two-three... over! The Order, as expected, walks away with ease!
Chris Myers - The winners of this match, and STILL EWA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS.... THE ORDER!
WINNERS: The Order w/ Falling Powerbomb by Pinfall
The Informer - Ken Doe and Hannah are waiting at the foot of the ramp, and they quickly joined by their companions. They came, they destroyed, and they leave with total confidence.
Eddie Sensation - Too many more wins like this, and they'll be insufferably cocky!
Vic Canon - You're the expert on that!
Eddie Sensation - Hey, what were you gonna' ask Doe, anyway?
Vic Canon - N-Nothing...
Eddie Sensation - Huh? What was it?
Vic Canon - Bug off!
The Informer - Kids, stop fighting!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. Suddenly, the following is shown. ]
[ We fade off to a commercial thats at a car lot. We see a man walk up to the front to buy a car, when "Thundergod" Leon Sharpe walks out of the dealership. ]
"Thundergod Ford!"
[ We see Sharpe asking the customer something and him replying with a no. ]
"At Thundergod Ford, no credit? we don't care!!"
[ We notice Thundergod asking the customer something else and him nodding no. ]
"No down payment? We still don't care!!!"
[ We see the customer 'several months later' at the dealership explaining something to The Thundergod ]
"Don't make your payment!?! THEN WE CARE!!!!"
[ Sharpe picks up the customer into a press slam and throws him into the windshield. ]
"THUNDERGOD FORD! Located in Kingman, Flagstaff, Yuma, Tuscon and Phoenix, Arizona! The best damn deal in the state of Arizona!"
[ Sharpe glares at the camera. ]
"The Thundergod" Leon Sharpe - And if any of the other Arizona dealerships say they have a better deal, we'll kick their asses and make our deal better!!
"Thundergod Ford! The best damn deal around!"
[ We fade out. ]
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA! That was great! I gotta get a car from Leon Sharpe sometime! That has to be brillance in marketing.
The Informer - Christ! How much Leon Sharpe can I stand? he's even getting LOCAL ads played on this show...
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
| Pre-Match Interview with Holden Raines
|
[ Backstage, Holden Raines is standing, holding his ribs and grimising a bit. Rachel Stevens looks visibly nervous standing beside him... ]
Rachel Stevens - Holden Raines, tonight you get your re-match against Arthryn. Any...
[ Raines interrupts... ]
Holden Raines - Keep your mouth shut, Ms. Stevens. You obviously lost those tic-tacs that you eat before every interview.
[ Rachel, obviously peeved, huffs a bit... ]
Rachel Stevens - HOW IN THE....??!!
[ Raines smiles, grabs her mic, and points toward the side to exit the interview. Stevens sighs and walks out of the area... ]
Holden Raines - Good. Now Arthryn, it's put up or shut up time. You talk about me like I don't know what I'm talking about. But apparently, the thought never crossed your mind that this is exactly what I intended on doing. To give you that little glimmer of hope, thinking that you could overcome The Rainmaker. How truly sad and pathetic you are. The time for talking is over. Let the torture from me to you begin.
[ Raines walks off the set, as Stevens comes back into view. Her mic isn't on, and believes the camera is off... ]
Rachel Stevens - Has anyone SEEN my TIC-TACS??! DAMNITT!
EWA Television Title Match
Arthryn (c) VS Holden Raines
|
Chris Myers - The next match is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the EWA Television Championship!
[ "Schism" by Tool blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first...standing 6'2" and weighing in at 230 pounds, from Cleveland, Ohio, Holden Raines!
[ Holden Raines steps through the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - Holden doesn't really look to well off right now.
Eddie Sensation - He looks fine! Write this date down in your little journal, Informer. October 13, 2001...the day Holden Raines won back HIS T.V championship!
The Informer - Easier said than done, Eddie.
[ All of a sudden, out from the curtain emerges Tom Stone. The crowd pops, as Stone pulls out a mic... ]
Eddie Sensation - WHAT THE HELL IS STONE DOING HERE??! This is Holden's moment!! This is Holden's night!!
The Informer - What are you? His Public Relations consultant??!
[ Stone looks at the sold-out crowd who cheer "Stone! Stone!" and then looks at Raines with a scowl on his face... ]
Tom Stone - Raines, I'm here because I just got off the phone with someone who has a problem with this title match happening tonight.
[ Raines, with a questionable look on his face, asks for a mic and gets one from Chris Myers... ]
Holden Raines - Let me guess...my doctor, right? Look Thomas, I don't give a shit what that douchebag sa....
[ Stone interrupts... ]
Tom Stone - NO HOLDEN! It's NOT your doctor! I've talked to your doctor, and he agrees that you shouldn't be competing tonight...
Holden Raines - SO RING THE DAMNED BELL AND GET ARTHRYN OUT HERE THEN!
[ Stone waives his arms, and shakes his head... ]
Tom Stone - Let me finish. Like I said, it isn't your doctor who I spoke with earlier today...
[ From behind Stone, 10 police officers walk out from behind the curtain. The arena goes nuts. Raines is smiling sadistically... ]
Holden Raines - You've GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, STONE....
[ Stone points the officers in the right direction, as they walk to the ring, and get it. They surround Raines... ]
Tom Stone - That's just the thing, Holden...I'm NOT kidding. I spoke with the police. You're being arrested for physical abuse to two members of my staff! We have it all on video....there isn't a court in this country who won't find you guilty.
[ The crowd pops for this, as the officers handcuff Raines, and grab him. Holden starts mouthing off in Stone's direction, saying "I'll get you for this, Stone!"... ]
Tom Stone - Yeah, yeah yeah. Whatever Holden. You have the right to remain silent! HAHA!
[ The cops take Raines out of the ring, and up towards Stone. They walk past him, as Holden shoots Stone a deranged look, smiling at him in the process... ]
Tom Stone - Oh and if you couldn't tell by now, this match has officially been called off. Have a great time in the pokey, Holden. You'll get used to it...freaks galore. It'll almost be like home.
[ Stone laughs, as Raines is being dragged out of the arena... ]
The Informer - Ladies and gentlemen....Holden Raines is going to jail!
Vic Canon - YES! I LOVE IT! It's about time that psychopath got what he deserved!
Eddie Sensation - This is an abomination! This is an outrage! Holden needs a good lawyer. JOHNNY COCHRAN! SOMEONE HIRE JOHNNY COCHRAN!
The Informer - Settle down, Eddie!
Eddie Sensation - YOU settle down! THIS IS INJUSTICE TO IT'S GREATEST POINT!! HOLDEN RAINES IS A VISIONARY!!! HE'S A ROLEMODEL FOR TODAY'S SOCIETY, AND WHAT DOES TOM STONE DO??!! HE THROWS HIM IN JAIL! THIS IS LIKE...LIKE...NELSON MANDELA ALL OVER AGAIN!!
The Informer - ENOUGH ALREADY! Go to commercial!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
The Informer - Welcome back to Heat fans... and Arthryn is in the ring with a mic!
Vic Canon - What does he have to say?!
Arthryn - Listen up.... I came out here ready to defend my title against Holden Raines. But where the hell is Holden Raines? In a jail cell, somewhere...
Eddie Sensation - Only because of that PRICK Tom Stone!
Arthryn - My point is, I'm ready to fight. So what I'm going to do.... is send out an OPEN CHALLENGE TO ANYONE who wants a piece of Arthryn, or the EWA Television Title!
The Informer - Damn! Arthryn really wants to fight!
Arthryn - Just come on down.... and I'll teach you a lesson you've never been taught before!
[ Suddenly, a little midget comes out from behind the curtain. He's dressed exactly like Arthryn... he looks exactly like Arthryn... and he's got a fake EWA Television Title over his shoulder. He begins to speak... ]
Midget - YO HOMIES! IM ARTHRYN..... AND I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU A LESSON...... SAAAAAAAAAAVIO STYLE!!!!!!!!!!
The Informer - What the HELL is this guy talking about?!
Vic Canon - I have no clue Informer.
Eddie Sensation - I hope Arthryn kicks the shit out of him!
Midget - ...BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE FROM PUUUUUUUUUUUUERTO RIIIIIIIIIIIICO........ SAAAAAAAAAAAAVIO VEGAAAAAAAAA IS GOING TO KICK..... YOUR.......... BUM-BUM!!!!!!!!
The Informer - What the hell?!
Vic Canon - This little midget is running down to the ring... or trying to! He's trying to run, but he's waddling!
Eddie Sensation - The midget reaches the steps...... and begins climbing them......
The Informer - And the midget finally gets into the ring, underneath the bottom rope!
[ Ding, Ding, Ding! ]
Vic Canon - He charges at Arthryn..... DROP TOE HOLD BY ARTHRYN! And the midget lands on the bottom rope!
Eddie Sensation - Arthryn grabs him................... LIGHTS OUT, BITCH!!!!!!!!!
The Informer - DAMN!!!!!!! HE NAILED IT!!!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - Arthryn doesn't look satisfied! He grabs him again........... LIGHTS OUT, BITCH!!!!!!!! TWO TIMES!
Eddie Sensation - What the hell?! Arthryn is laying beside the midget........ and Arthryn covers him with his pinky finger! The referee counts.... 1........... 2........
The Informer - 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chris Myers - The winner of this match... and STILL EWA TELEVISION CHAMPION..... ARTHRYN!
WINNER: Arthryn w/ Lights Out, Bitch by Pinfall
Vic Canon - Well, that was nothing short of hilarious.
Eddie Sensation - I wonder who the hell that midget is.... and who sent him here. [Looks at The Informer...]
The Informer - I have no idea, Eddie.
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
[ Blackout ]
Vic Canon - Here we go!
The Informer - You gotta love these blackouts.
[ "Killing In The Name Of" by Rage Against The Machine begins to blare over the PA. The fans begin booing crazily ]
Vic Canon - Here comes thr reformed Vinny D!
The Informer - As reformed as he is, these people still hate him.
[ Vinny D comes out from behind the curtain to a chorus of boos. He stops, looks around at the fans and smirks, he goes back behind the curtain and drags out Tabitha. With duct tape strapped on her mouth, her hands handcuffed, and eyes red as blood, the fans boo even louder, as Vinny D smirks once again ]
Vic Canon - My God!!
The Informer - Oh no. I.... We all thought that Vinny D had reformed, but this. This is an all new low.
Eddie Sensation - Reformed!! Haha!! He's back!! "The Original Outlaw" is as alive as ever!
[ Vinny D drags Tabitha down the ramp as the fans continuously boo. He stops midway to the ring, and motions behind him. Suddenly two men, dressed in coveralls walk out from the curtains pulling a garbage bin ]
The Informer - Does it ever end with this man? Who are those two men? And what are they gonna do with that dumpster?
Eddie Sensation - I think Vinny D has got something devious up his sleeve. And I personally cannot wait to see what it is....
[ Vinny D pushes Tabitha up the stairs and into the ring. He steps into the ring and pulls a mic out of his back pocket ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Screw you all.
[ A loud chorus of boos fills the arena ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Last week, I decided that what was going on between myself and this "Woman" standing next to me was done with. Over. Through. Finished. I decided that in her best interest, we'd leave it out of the public eye and continue on with our own individual lives.... What do i mean you ask? Look up at that video wall and watch, watch what I decided to not have shown on Heat last week. Watch, what I personally told Tom Stone not to air on the show.
[ The camera fades into a view of Vinny D's lockeroom. He sits, next to Tabitha, who's eyes are filled with tears, and he speaks ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Listen, don't cry there's no reason to. You and me, we were just a flash in the pan, a five minute spark. We weren't made to last. That's why we should end it now, you know? I used you, and as much as it might hurt you to hear it out loud, wouldn't you rather have me be honest with you, and confirm your inner fears, rather than lie to you, and use you for sex??
Tabitha - But you always told me how much you loved me, and how good we were tog....
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Hun, I LIED!! You were the best weapon to use against that scumbag Deuce, so I, the uncaring and selfish son of a bitch I am, used you to my advantage. Now, I'm ending it.
Tabitha - But you were so...
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Shhhh. It's over, don't try to save it, it's already dead. It's been dead since the start. I'm still here cause I want you to agree on something with me... I figure it would be best if we go our own ways without really making an issue of it. I'm bad with issues, and quite frankly I don't need the stress. Though, I understand you're hurt, I say you go on with your life as if nothing happened.
Tabitha - I don't know if I can do.....
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Of course you can. You can do anything if you put your mind to it. I think it would be better for both of us this way. Don't you agree?
Tabitha - Umm... Well, I guess. But I really think we should give us another....
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - No. No. No. It's better this way baby. trust me.
[ Vinny D stands up and walks off before Tabitha can say anymore. As he leaves the door, she bursts out into even more tears bawling heavily. The screen fades to black. We are brought back to a view of Vinny D standing in the ring, next to the tied up Tabitha ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - That, you simpletons, was an agreement. Wasn't it Tabitha dear??
[ He looks over at Tabitha and waits for a response. Nothing. He steps a little closer and speaks ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - ANSWER BITCH!!
Vic Canon - There's no need for that kind of language!
The Informer - He should be ashamed of himself...
Eddie Sensation - Hey, I think she must deserve it, for him to be this upset.
Vic Canon - You would Eddie...
[ Tabitha nods her head ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Good. Now, you didn't live up to your end of the bargain, huh?
[ Again, no reaction from Tabitha ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Did I stutter? I said.....
[ Vinny D gets two inches away from Tabitha's face and screams ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - YOU DIDN'T LIVE UP TO YOUR END OF THE BARGAIN.... DID YOU BITCH?
[ Tabitha nods ]
Vic Canon - This is disgusting.
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - You came out last week... Well, how bout I refresh your memory huh? Take a look.
[ The video screen fades into a view of Rachel Stevens standing with tabitha from last week's Heat ]
Rachel Stevens - Thanks guys... I'm here with Tabitha Alexander, Deuce's estranged wife. Tabitha how are you?
Ms. Tabitha - Not very well thank you.
Rachel Stevens - Is it true that you have not heard from Deuce since Hellacious Halloween 3?
Ms. Tabitha - Thats right Rachel... when I was watching what that... BASTARD, Vinny D, did on Hellacious Halloween I was devestated.. I tried to call Deuce on his cell phone but no one answered.. it just rang and rang. I can't believe he would do that!!
Rachel Stevens - You seem shocked that Vinny D showed the video but you seemed alright in the video.
Ms. Tabitha - I didn't know what Vinny was using the tape for.. I had just asked him what he would ever say to Duane if he were to ever find out, thats when he went into that long spiel about the chair shot and whatever.
Rachel Stevens - Tabitha, earlier tonight you were with Vinny D and told him that you were not happy with what he did to Deuce... what are your plans with your relationship with Deuce.
Ms. Tabitha - I love Duane.. he and I have been together as long as we both can remember... what I did with Vinny D was wrong.
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - It was what? IT WAS WHAT? You never complained while we spent those countless hours rolling around sweating and screaming eachother's names did you? DID YOU??
[ Vinny D steps in a little closer with a fist raised ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - DID YOU?
[ Tabitha shakes her head. Then back to the bigscreen ]
Ms. Tabitha - It was never sexual... Vinny well... he could never... he uhh..
[ Tabitha leans over and whispers in Rachels ear. ]
Rachel Stevens - VINNY D COULDN'T GET IT UP!! AHAHAHAHA!!
Ms. Tabitha - Kinda like all huff and no puff!
[ Back to the ring ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Then bitch. THEN! THEN THE LITTLE WHORE THAT COULD INSULTS MY MANHOOD HUH? ALL HUFF AND NO PUFF? YOU NEVER COMPLAINED WHEN YOU USED MY TOOL AS YOUR OWN LITTLE LOLIPOP NOW DID YOU??
Vic Canon - Someone stop this. This man is sick. This language is foul and disgusting and Tabitha is crying her poor eyes out.
The Informer - It takes a low man to do this.
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - YOU NEVER COMPLAINED WHEN I WAS USING YOU AS MY OWN PERSOANL DRILLING HOLE! IN FACT YOU ALWAYS WANTED IT HARDER AND ROUGHER DIDN'T YOU? ACTUALLY, YOU NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO SAY MUCH DO TO ALL THAT MOANING. DID YOU?
[ Tabitha is sobbing heavily. She does not react ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - ANSWER ME YOU STUPID SLUT OR I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL BREAK YOUR GODDAMN NECK LIKE A TWIG!
[ Tabitha nods again and tries to fight back her tears ]
Vic Canon - I fear for her. Someone please get out here and get Vinny D out of the ring.
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Cut the tape. You know Tabitha. I wanted to keep it peaceful. I wanted it to end nicely. Two mature adults, having a mature, lustful relationship. But you, you went ahead and made it something more. You made me realize how much of a whore you really are. You opened my eyes to your true tramp self. Cause that's all you are isn't it? HUH? A whore? A slut? A two dollar tramp?
[ Tabitha looks away and cries even more ]
Vic Canon - How can he do this? Especially to a woman? He's degrading her....
The Informer - He has no morals... No respect.
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - You ain't nothing more than a filthy, trashy, smeely skank and you know it. Don't you?
[ Tabitha once again looks away, holding her cuffed hands to her eyes ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - I SAID YOU KNOW IT, DON'T YOU??
[ Tabitha once again reluctantly nods ]
Vic Canon - Fans, I appologize for what is happening. If you have children get them away from the TV, it doesn't seem like this twisted man will stop this rampage.
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - And you think Deuce would take you back? Stupid slut. Who would want you now? Now that everyone knows what you really are. Who in the hell would want washed up trash like you? Who would want to touch, something like you? You're worth no more than a litre of piss in a bucket. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY ONIONS I HAD TO SNIFF TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I WAS CRYING OVER YOUR PISS POOR SELF?
The Informer - Jesus this is sick.... Just disgusting.
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - You Tabitha are worthless whore, a worthless whore who pissed me off. Now, you're gonna pay bitch. YOU'RE GONNA PAY HARD!!
Vic Canon - What is he planning here? What is he going to do?
The Informer - Get some help down here before something bad happens.
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Joey, Bruno, you know what to do....
[ The two men lift up the apron and one pulls out a tables. They put it in the ring and both get in the ring themselves. They set the table up parallel to one of the corners ]
The Informer - No....
Vic Canon - He cannot do this. There's no way.
[ Vinny D sits himself on the top ropes, waiting. The men grab the helpless Tabitha, she tries to struggle but cannot do much because the men are simply too powerful. One of the men hoists up Tabitha and puts her on Vinny D's shoulders. The other man holds a mic to Vinny D ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - PAYBACK MAY BE A BITCH.... BUT IN THIS CASE, YOU ARE THE BITCH TABITHA, AND THIS IS YOUR PAYBACK!!
CCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHHH
[ Vinny D jumps, and brings down the helpless woman through the table with a powerbomb ]
Vic Canon - OH MY GOD GET SOME PARAMEDICS DOWN HERE!!
The Informer - I CANNOT BELIEVE MY EYES. THIS IS THE MOST VILE ACT I HAVE EVER WITNESSED!!
[ Vinny D grabs the mic as litter fills the ring, the fans boo lustily, but he shrugs it off ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Damn bitch. I told you not to fuck with me you fucking whore. You're nothing but a slut. YOU'RE DIRT!! YOU'RE TRASH!! AND THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE TRASH BELONGS!!
[ The two men open up the dumpster. Vinny D lifets the limp body of Tabitha, he exits the ring and walks toward the dumpster. He stops near it, looks at the fans who haven't stopped booing, and dumps Tabitha inside. He then shuts the lid ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Something stink in here? GOD, SOMEONE GET RID OF THIS TRASH, IT'S SMELLS CHEESY, SLEEZY AND JUST PLAIN LIKE SHIT!!!
[ Vinny D and the two men begin to walk towards the back ]
Vic Canon - Fans, I.... I.... I....
The Informer - We gotta go to a commercial break fans.....
Eddie Sensation - Guys, that was sick.....
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
The Informer - Welcome.... uhh, welcome back fans... and I deeply apologize for the act that just took place in the ring.
Vic Canon - I can't believe him... Vinny D is a sick, cold hearted piece of sh--
Eddie Sensation - ....SHERBERT ICE CREAM!
The Informer - Vic, as much as we all want to throw Vinny D in a room and stone him to death, you must control yourself. Fans, Vinny D has really crossed the line this time. Tom Stone, the EWA, and the sponsers of this program won't have anything nice to say about Vinny D after tonight.
Vic Canon - Hell no... and I'm pretty damn sure Vinny D's pay will get cut in half, or more this week! He's going to need a lot of money to pay off all the fines that are coming his way.
Eddie Sensation - What about the cops?! Tabitha could go to the cops with this one! Then he'd be really screwed!
| Pre-Match Interview with Tiki Tortez
|
[ Rachel Stevens is shown with a microphone in hand as she stares blankly into the camera. ]
Rachel Stevens - Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce former EWA Extreme Champion, and #1 contender for the World Title, 'Tricky' Tiki Tortez.
[ HUGE POP as Tortez comes into view. ]
Rachel Stevens - Hello Tiki.
Tiki Tortez - Hi Rach.
Rachel Stevens - Well, tonight is the big night, world title on the line, lumberjack match, 4 mystery men of your choice.its going to be crazy!
Tiki Tortez - [Gloomly] Indeed.
Rachel Stevens - Well Tiki, I don't want to sound ignorant, but this is the chance of your lifetime, you don't look all too pleased.
Tiki Tortez - Chance of a lifetime? Weren't those three words used at the PPV?
Rachel Stevens - Well Tiki, we all get second chances.
Tiki Tortez - This isn't about second chances.
Rachel Stevens - Well what is it about then Tiki?
[ Tortez runs his fingers through his hair. His face remains the same. ]
Tiki Tortez - Its about honor.
Rachel Stevens - Honor?
Tiki Tortez - Tonight is not about world champions, its not about the coveted belt... its about one thing, and I know Ethan Tyler is thinking the same.
This will be a match neither of us will ever forget
Rachel Stevens - With all due respect... Ethan Tyler seems much more prepared for this, as shown in his promos a few nights ago.
Tiki Tortez - Is that the one where he referred to me as the little puppy?
Rachel Stevens - I believe so.
Tiki Tortez - Well Tyler.
[ Tortez peers his head up, there is no smile on his face, just pure intensity. ]
Tiki Tortez - Its not the size of the dog that matters... its how hard the bastard can bite.
And I am going to take one big chomp out of you.
[ Tortez nods to the camera and exits the scene, not even clueing us in on who the 4 mystery men will be. ]
Rachel Stevens - Back to you guys.
| Pre-Match Interview with Ethan Tyler
|
Rob DiMarco - With me, as you can see, is Ethan Tyler. Tonight you're going to face Tiki Tortez in a rematch from HH3. Are you going to use the same strategy that you did last time?
Ethan Tyler - If it's not broke don't fix it Rob. I'm going to punish Tiki Tortez.
Rob DiMarco - I'm sure you saw Tiki meeting up with Max Marvel earlier this week, how will his presence affect you?
Ethan Tyler - Who?
Rob DiMarco - Max Marvel.
Ethan Tyler - Who?
Rob DiMarco - Max Marvel
Ethan Tyler - WHO!?
Rob DiMarco - Max Marvel!
Ethan Tyler - MY POINT EXACTLY! Who the hell is this chump? He's a joke, that's what. I'm not afraid of some no named NHBWFer.
Rob DiMarco - Also tonight, the cards are stacked against you, Tiki gets four lumberjacks at ring side, how does this affect you?
Ethan Tyler - It doesn't, Tiki's got his help, I've got mine...
Rob DiMarco - That reminds me, what was it you whispered to Alpha last week?
Ethan Tyler - That's between me and him. None of your damn business.
Rob DiMarco - Any last words?
[ Tyler grabs Rob by his shirt ]
Ethan Tyler - Yeah, good questions..
[ Tyler drops DiMarco and walks away ]
MAIN EVENT: EWA World Heavyweight Title Lumberjack Match
Ethan Tyler (c) VS "Tricky" Tiki Tortez
|
Chris Myers - The next match is scheduled for one fall! It is a Special LUMBERJACK MATCH, and is for the EWA World Heavyweight Championship!
[ "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'6" and weighing in at 252 pounds, from New York City, New York, "Tricky" Tiki Tortez!
[ "Tricky" Tiki Tortez steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "More Human than Human" (Meet Bambi in the King's Harem mix) By White Zombie blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - His opponent, and champion... standing 6'3" and weighing in at 246 pounds, from Portland, Oregon, Ethan Tyler!
[ Ethan Tyler steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - And they're both in the ring! Here we go!
Vic Canon - Wait a minute... Tiki Tortez just rolled out of the ring... and he has a mic!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Woah woah woah, big guy! Are you forgetting something?
Eddie Sensation - The lumberjacks, you moron!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Have you forgotten that this is a LUMBERJACK MATCH? I hope not... because here they come! First... Arthryn!
[ "Headhunter" by Front 242 blasts through the speakers, and Arthryn steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - Wow! Our Television Champion, Arthryn, is a lumberjack! Good picking by Tiki Tortez!
Vic Canon - Arthryn and Tiki Tortez, although enemies, respect each other.... and apparently, have each other's back.
Eddie Sensation - Now that's a twisted friendship.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Your second Lumberjack will be.... "The Hustler" Marty Delaney!
[ "Walk" by Pantera blasts through the speakers, and "The Hustler" Marty Delaney steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Next up.... "THE RIFLEMAN" ERIC WALTHER!
[ "How You Remind Me" by Nickleback blasts through the speakers, and "The Rifleman" Eric Walther steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
Vic Canon - Walther?! I didn't see this one coming!
Eddie Sensation - That kid has no reason being here.
The Informer - That kid has become quite impressive lately, I think he deserves every right to be here.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Finally... the FOURTH LUMBERJA--
[ The EWA Theme blasts through the speakers, and after 30 or 45 seconds of waiting, Tom Stone steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - TOM STONE?! A LUMBERJACK?!
Vic Canon - What the hell?! Look at Tiki Tortez! He looks confused! I guess his REAL fourth choice wasn't Tom Stone!
Eddie Sensation - I guess Stone wants a close up of this World Title Match!
[ Ding, Ding, Ding! ]
The Informer - And here we go! The bell has sounded, and Tiki Tortez is in the ring!
Vic Canon - He charges at Tyler.... CLOTHESLINE BY THE CHAMP! Tortez gets up... Drop Kick by Tyler! The Trickster gets up agin... HIP TOSS! And Tiki Tortez slides under the bottom rope, and onto the concrete floor!
Eddie Sensation - GET HIM!!!
The Informer - Tom Stone is over there! He lifts Tortez to his feet... OOH! TORTEZ JUST SHOVED STONE!
Vic Canon - WHAM!!!!! FROM BEHIND, ERIC WALTHER NAILED TORTEZ IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A CLOTHESLINE! Walther picks up Tortez... and whips him into the steel ring post!
Eddie Sensation - And here goes Stone! He's stomping away at Tiki Tortez! Stone's going to kick him until he bleeds!
The Informer - No, he's not... Stone picks up Tortez, and rolls him into the ring! Ethan Tyler is taunting Tortez! He's yelling some profanities in his face!
Vic Canon - Tyler picks up Tiki Tortez... and he sets him up for a piledriver! NO!! BACK BODY DROP!!!!! ETHAN TYLER LANDS ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR!
Eddie Sensation - And check out Stone! Some fan must have pissed him off, because Stone is turned the wrong way!
The Informer - TURNED THE WRONG WAY?! COME ON EDDIE! You know as well as I do that Tom Stone is pretending that he doesn't see Ethan Tyler!
Vic Canon - Arthryn walks over to Tyler, picks him up, and rolls him into the ring! At least we have ONE unbiased Lumberjack!
Eddie Sensation - What are you talking about?! The Hustler has done perfectly fine so far!
The Informer - Oh, shut up Eddie! Tiki Tortez raises Ethan Tyler to his feet... and raises him onto his shoulder! Tortez steps back a few feet... here goes!
Vic Canon - .....RUNNING POWERSLAM! TORTEZ NAILED IT! He covers Ethan Tyler... the ref counts! 1.... 2........ 3!!!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - NO! HIS FOOT IS ON THE ROPE!!!! HIS FOOT IS ON THE ROPE!
The Informer - WHAT?!?!? HIS FOOT IS ON THE ROPE?!?! LET ME SEE THE REPLAY!
[ The replay is shown, and Tom Stone clearly puts Ethan Tyler's foot on the bottom rope. ]
The Informer - A HA! HIS FOOT IS ON THE ROPE.... ONLY BECAUSE TOM STONE PUT IT THERE!!!!!
Vic Canon - THAT PIECE OF CRAP! HE REALLY IS ON TYLER'S SIDE!
Eddie Sensation - Ohh bullshit! He just doesn't want Tortez to win! I'd rather have Tyler be my champion than Tiki Tortez! Just listen to that name!
The Informer - Tiki Tortez gets to his feet... he grabs Tyler from behind.... Belly-To-Back Suplex coming up! WHAM!
Vic Canon - NO! Ethan Tyler landed on his feet! He flipped over, and landed on his own two feet! But Tortez still thinks he's flat on his back! Tortez slowly gets up, and turns around......
Eddie Sensation - WHAM!!!!!!!! HUGE CLOTHESLINE!!!!!!!!!
The Informer - MY GOD!!!!!! TIKI TORTEZ'S ADAM'S APPLE MUST BE CRUSHED AFTER THAT ONE!
Vic Canon - Ethan Tyler lifts him to his feet... DDT! The referee counts... 1..... 2..... No! Kickout by Tortez!
Eddie Sensation - Ethan Tyler lifts Tortez up again.... and throws him over the top rope! WHOOPS!
The Informer - WHOOPS?! I'm sure that was an accident! .....OOH!!!!!! ERIC WALTHER AND TOM STONE ARE KICKING TIKI TORTEZ IN THE RIBS REPEATEDLY!
Vic Canon - AND HERE COMES THE HUSTLER! HE'S JOINING IN ON THE BEATING! AND SO IS ARTHRYN!!!!! HAVE THEY ALL JOINED TOM STONE?!
Eddie Sensation - YOU IDIOT! It's a Lumberjack match! They HAVE TO do that! It's their job, wether Tiki Tortez likes it or not!
The Informer - The Hustler lifts Tortez to his feet, and throws him into the ring! Ethan Tyler gladly accepts the gift of Tiki Tortez on his hands and knees, and kicks Tortez in the face! Tortez stumbles backwards onto his back!
Vic Canon - Ethan Tyler lifts him to his feet.... and hooks him! Hanging Suplex! Tortez is still up there, Tyler hasn't dropped him yet!
Eddie Sensation - WOW! Tyler has some impressive strength!
The Informer - I won't lie, Eddie... he's a strong man! Wait a minute! Tortez got out of it, and landed on his feet behind Tyler! Tyler turns around.... CLOTHESLINE!
Vic Canon - Ethan Tyler jumps to his feet, just as Tiki Tortez bounces off the ropes........ OOOOOOH!!!!!!!!! MID-AIR SPEAR!!!!!!! WHAT A SHOT!!!!!!!! TIKI TORTEZ NAILED HIM!!!! HE COVERS TYLER!
Eddie Sensation - 1........ 2.......... NOT EVEN CLOSE! The champion kicks out!
The Informer - Tiki Tortez lifts Ethan Tyler to his feet.... and...... and.....
Vic Canon - and...... and......... throws him over the top rope!
Eddie Sensation - OOH COME ON! THAT WAS INTENTIONAL!!! WHAT A JACKASS!
The Informer - Oh, shut up, Tortez is just doing what Tyler has been doing! AND THERE GO THE LUMBERJACKS!!! ERIC WALTHER, THE HUSTLER AND ARTHRYN ARE KICKING THE HELL OUT OF ETHAN TYLER!!!!
Vic Canon - Tyler is trying to get up, but the Lumberjacks are kicking the hell out of him! NOTICE HOW TOM STONE ISN'T ANYWHERE NEAR TYLER?! HE'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RING!!!!
Eddie Sensation - He's just watching Tortez, that's all!
The Informer - Bullshit! Watching Tortez my ass!
Vic Canon - Uhh... I'd rather watch Tortez than your ass, Informer...
Eddie Sensation - HAHA! Me too Vic! Me too....
The Informer - And the Lumberjacks finally throw Ethan Tyler into the ring! Tortez lifts him to his feet... GERMAN SUPLEX! Into a pin! The ref counts... 1.... 2... No! Kickout by Tyler!
Vic Canon - Tiki Tortez lifts Ethan Tyler to his feet.... WHAM! FACE-BUSTER! And now Tiki Tortez is going to the top rope! He climbs up... looks at Ethan Tyler... looks at Tom Stone... and jumps!
Eddie Sensation - OOOOOOOH!!!!
The Informer - BIG SPLASH!!!! TORTEZ NAILED IT! He covers Tyler... the referee counts! 1.... 2..... NO! Kickout by Ethan Tyler!
Vic Canon - Tiki Tortez looks a little frustrated! He lifts Ethan Tyler to his feet... and sits him on the top rope! What's he going to do?!
Eddie Sensation - "Tricky" Tiki Tortez climbs up there... and grabs Tyler.... LOOKS LIKE A TOP ROPE SUPLEX!
The Informer - LOOK OUT! NO! ETHAN TYLER SHOVES TORTEZ OFF OF THE TOP ROPE! Tortez lands on his back... but gets back up.... WHAM! CLOTHESLINE FROM THE TOP ROPE BY ETHAN TYLER!
Vic Canon - Tyler gets to his feet... runs to the ropes.... WHAM! SECOND ROPE ASAI MOONSAULT! HE NAILED IT!
Eddie Sensation - The ref counts! 1.... 2.... No! Kickout!
The Informer - Ethan Tyler gets to his feet, and throws Tiki Tortez to the ropes! Tyler kicks him in the gut........... WHAM!!!!!!! HE NAILED IT!!!! HE NAILED IT!!!! THE HANGOVER!!!!
Vic Canon - ETHAN TYLER JUST NAILED THE HANGOVER!!!! HE GOES FOR THE PIN!
Eddie Sensation - No! Tiki's leg is ALREADY on the ropes! It landed their just from the impact of that move!
The Informer - Ethan Tyler lifts Tortez to his feet, and pushes him into the ropes.... CLOTHESLINE OVER THE TOP ROPE!
Vic Canon - AND THEY BOTH GO OVER! Somehow, Ethan Tyler got trapped in Tortez's arms, and went over the top rope with him! The Lumberjacks are running over there!
Eddie Sensation - Eric Walther, The Hustler and Arthryn are kicking and beating on Ethan Tyler! Tom Stone is focussed on Tiki Tortez!
The Informer - Stone throws Tortez into the ring?! Why wouldn't he beat on him?
Vic Canon - Check out Tom Stone! He's heading over here.... and he's got..... A STEEL CHAIR!!! This isn't good, guys! I wonder what he's going to do with that!
Eddie Sensation - Stone slides into the ring! The referee's attention is on Ethan Tyler on the outisde of the ring, who's getting beaten by Lumberjacks!
The Informer - Tortez gets to his feet...... WHAM!!!!!!!! TOM STONE NAILS HIM WITH A CHAIR SHOT!!!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - WHAM!!!!!!!! WHAM WHAM WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FOUR MORE SHOTS FOR TIKI TORTEZ!!!!!!!!! TOM STONE IS BEATING THE HELL OUT OF THE LIFELESS BODY OF TIKI TORTEZ!!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - LOOK! THE REFEREE TURNED AROUND, AND SAW TOM STONE WITH THAT CHAIR!
The Informer - BUT TOM IS ORDERING THE REFEREE TO PRETEND HE DIDN'T SEE IT! STONE IS THREATENING THE REFEREE'S JOB!
Vic Canon - Eric Walther rolls Ethan Tyler into the ring! Tyler is flat on his back from the beating given to him on the outside!
Eddie Sensation - The referee is counting both men down! 1..... 2....... 3....... 4........ 5.....
The Informer - 6....... 7......... Ethan Tyler is on one knee! He's slowly getting up!
Vic Canon - Wait! Tyler just saw the lifeless body of Tiki Tortez! He's going for the pin! The ref counts!
Eddie Sensation - 1..........................
The Informer - ...............................2..............
Vic Canon - ...................3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - YES! ETHAN TYLER RETAINS HIS WORLD TITLE!!!!!!!!!!
Chris Myers - And the winner of this match..... Ethan Tyler!
WINNER: Ethan Tyler w/ help from Tom Stone by Pinfall
The Informer - Now look at Stone! He just grabbed Tyler's EWA World Title! And he's getting into the ring with it!
Vic Canon - There go the Lumberjacks! They don't care too much about what's going to happen now... their job is done!
Eddie Sensation - Tom Stone is in the ring! Ethan Tyler is sitting in the corner, trying to get up... and he finally does!
The Informer - Tom Stone walks to the center of the ring, with Ethan Tyler's World Title! Ethan Tyler slowly walks forward.....
Vic Canon - Is Stone going to hand him his title?!
Eddie Sensation - Looks like it! Yes! He does!
The Informer - WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!! OH NO HE DOESN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM STONE JUST ROCKED ETHAN TYLER WITH HIS OWN WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!!!!!! ETHAN TYLER GOES DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - ETHAN TYLER AND TIKI TORTEZ ARE LAYING SIDE BY SIDE!!!!!!! THIS CROWD WAS JUST BOOING TOM STONE, AND NOW THEY'RE CHEERING HIM!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
Eddie Sensation - I DONT KNOW! I'M CONFUSED! STONE IS IN THE MIDDLE?!
The Informer - WE'LL FIND OUT NEXT WEEK EDDIE, BECAUSE WE'RE OUT OF TIME! THANKS FOR TUNING IN..... DON'T MISS NEXT WEEK'S SHOW! SO LONG EVERYONE!!!!!!
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