[ The camera brings us to a shot of the EWA symbol, which quickly fades to black. We then see a montage of clips from the EWA's last Tuesday Night Heat show. After a 2-3 minute video is show, the EWA Tuesday Night Heat video is played. Many clips of past matches, current superstars and pyro are shown. We are then brought to a shot of inside the America West Arena in Phoenix, Arizona, where THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of fans have flooded the America West Arena! After a quick view of the fans signs, we are brought to a shot of the annouce table, where The Informer, Vic Canon and Eddie Sensation are ready to kick of Tuesday Night Heat... ]The Informer - Welcome to Tuesday Night Heat folks!--
Vic Canon - NO! WELCOME TO THE NEW CHAPTER IN THE EWA!!!!!!
The Informer - Well, that too... But if you gave me a damn second, I might have said that! Dont EVER interupt me again!
Eddie Sensation - HA!!!
The Informer - Like I was trying to say... Welcome to Tuesday Night Heat! And on tonights card, we have 5 scheduled matches!
Vic Canon - And dont forget about "Sticks and Stones"! What the hell is that thing?!
Eddie Sensation - Who knows! What I'm looking forward to most, is this whole "New Chapter in the EWA" deal... what the hell is going on?
The Informer - I guess we'll find out tonight! So, without any further introduction, HERE WE GO!
Interview with Thorn [ Cha-Ching! ]
[ Cha-Ching! ]
[ The color of money fills the arena. ]
[ Cha-Ching! ]
[ Fake money falls from the rafters ]
[ Cha-Ching! ]
[ Cha-Ching! ]
[ "Counterfiet" by Limp Bizkit kicks in over the loudspeaker. ]
[ The Counterfeit Promotions symbol shines down onto the canvas. ]
[ ....BOOM! ....BOOM! ....BOOM! ]
[ The pyrotechnics burst to life, the Tuesday Night Heat crowd gives there meager approval for Counterfeit Promotions, as Thorn strolls from behind the curtain, the crowd burts to life when they realize that it's Thorn making his way to the ring instead of Watkins. Decked out in a Counterfiet Promotions hat and shirt, with his grey GAT5 pants on. He walks down the on-ramp and takes a step into the ring. The ring announcer motions to give him a mic, but Thorn holds his hand up to stops him and pulls a mic out of his pocket. Thorn walks over to the turnbuckle, hops up, and takes a seat. ]
Thorn - Nice to see you all too... Nice to be back in an EWA ring... Nice to be in a place where you don't get screwed over in a match that you should have won. Wait.... wrong place. You should be looking at the EWA Heavyweight Champion... You should be looking at a man that weighs twenty pounds more in gold... you should be looking at a winner.... but instead... your looking at a man, that has been screwed... screwed............
Thorn - SCREWED!!!!!
Thorn - I worked my ass off in that match, for no reason. I poured ounces of blood and sweat onto that boat, I took a beating, I got up. I kept getting up. I didn't stop and nothing was going to stop me. Nothing stopped me, but something stopped Chandler. And seeing how he's Tom Stone's kiss ass, Tom couldn't have let anything happen to his Team Ballz boys, he couldn't let the deserving man win... no no no, god forbid that happen. I want my fucking chance again, without any of this Nick Diamante bullshit, without any of this boat bullshit, WITHOUT ANY OF THAT BULLSHIT, I JUST WANT FUCKING CHANDLER FUCKING NOW. I'M SICK OF THIS BULLSHIT! I'M SICK OF TEAM BALLZ! I'M SICK OF TOM STONE! I'M SICK OF CAJUN FUCKING ASS RUNNING THE FUCKING E FUCKING W FUCKING A!!!!! I'VE STOOD ON THE SIDELINES LONG ENOUGH, I'M TIRED OF FUCKING SITTING AROUND! I'M MAKING A FUCKING STAND! I'M NOT GOING TO LET THAT FUCKING CANADIAN NICKY D. GET IN MY WAY!! I'M NOT GOING TO LET FUCKING TOM STONE GET IN MY WAY!! I'M NOT GOING TO LET FUCKING 3D, FUCKING TEAM BALLZ, FUCKING SERIAL FUCKING THRYLLA, NOT FUCKING ONE OF THEM IS GOING TO STOP ME THIS FUCKING TIME!!!!
Thorn - .....The solution?
Thorn - It's quiet simple really.
Thorn - If you think about it.
[ Thud! ]
[ Thorn drops the mic. ]
BLACKOUT [ 5 seconds of darkness. ]
[ "Counterfeit" by Limp Bizkit starts up again. ]
[ 10 seconds of darkness. ]
[ The video screen flickers to life. ]
....The Made Man.... [ 15 seconds of darkness. ]
....The Vile One.... [ 20 seconds of darkness. ]
A Stable like never before... [ 25 seconds of darkness. ]
COUNTERFEIT PROMOTIONS! [ 30 seconds of darkness. ]
[ The video screen fades to static. ]
[ 35 seconds of darkness. ]
[ "Counterfeit" by Limp Bizkit fades into nothingness. ]
[ Silence. ]
and god said.... [ 40 seconds of darkness. ]
TURN ON THE FUCKING LIGHTS!!! [ Cue lights. ]
[ 5 seconds of light. ]
[ Instead of Thorn sitting on a turnbuckle by himself. A man sits on each. ]
"The Made Man" Anton Bailey "The Vile One" Virulent Lord Infamous Add Thorn into the mix, and we have ourselves Counterfeit Promotions. Only one man is missing. Thorn - I want someone to come out here right now, and I want to show him, that what I, Thorn have made of HIS stable.... Counterfeit Promotions. Chris Watkins... I want you to get your ass out here right now, so you can be the leader of this stable. I picked up your mess, so come out here and celebrate with us.
[ "Counterfeit" by Limp Bizkit starts up again, a little while passes and soon, Chris Watkins makes his way to the ring from the back with a grin on his face ear to ear. He quickly gets into the ring and gives Thorn, Anton Bailey, Virulent, and Lord Infamous a handshake and by the look on his face, you can tell he's happy for once. ]
Thorn - Chris, I want you to meet some friends of mine. First, at 6'4" 260 lbs. from Tucson, Arizona, Anton Bailey!!!!
[ Bailey stands up on his turnbuckle and works the crowd as they cheer him on. ]
Thorn - Then... Counterfeit Promotions very own body guard/hitman standing at 6'5" weighing in at 280 lbs. from Long Beach, California, Lord Infamous!!!!
[ Lord Infamous turns to the crowd and flexes his muscles showing off. ]
Thorn - And finally at 6'4" 264 lbs. from Anaheim, California... "The Vile One" himself.... Virulent!!!!
[ Virlunt turns to the crowd on his turnbuckle throws the longest finger on his hand in the air, and then flexes his gigantic muscles as the females in the crowd scream. ]
Thorn - Watkins, this is YOUR Counterfeit Promotions!!
Chris Watkins - Thank you Thorn... thanks.
Thorn - It was the least I could do, you brought me into Counterfeit Promotions to be a leader and take charge in the EWA, and I felt as if I needed some back. Watkins, I promise you that we will work for you as Counterfeit Promotions and take over the EWA with total domination, until the games over.
Chris Watkins - This is great!! I can't wait to show the EWA what we can do!! Domination baby!!! Now let's go to the back and celebrate.
Thorn - Alright sounds good, c'mon guys.
Thorn - Oh yeah...
Thorn - Watkins.....?
Chris Watkins - Yeah Thorn?
Thorn - One last thing....
BLACKOUT Thorn - .....Check.... Mate.......
[ 5 seconds of darkness. ]
[ A low hum buzzes over the loudspeakers. ]
[ 10 seconds of darkness. ]
[ Someone is whispering over the loudspeaker. ]
[ 15 seconds of darkness. ]
...EWA.... [ 20 seconds of darkness. ]
....EWA... [ 25 seconds of darkness. ]
...The.... [ 30 seconds of darkness. ]
....New.... [ 35 seconds of darkness. ]
....Resistance.... [ 40 seconds of darkness. ]
....Comin' to get ya.... [ 45 seconds of darkness. ]
....GUNNA get cha!! [ "New Resistance" (Resist and Desist Remix) by Machine Head blasts over the loudspeaker. ]
[ 50 seconds of darkness. ]
[ A single light turns on over the EWA ring. ]
[ If you want to call it an EWA ring.... the banners on the side of the ring, once... "Tuesday Night Heat" banners now say "The New Resistance." The shirts that were once on The Counterfeit Promotions Team now say "The New Resistance," the man that was once Chris Watkins is now a laying on the canvas of the ring... not moving. What was once a normal EWA canvas is now spray painted on in red and black letters. Three fairly simple letters.... T... N... R. ]
[ All the lights turn on. ]
[ What was once the EWA Big Screen is now a banner hanging in front of the actual big screen. What's on the banner you ask? "The New Resistance" logo hangs the way you think of gods as big in front of the millions of fans. ]
Thorn - All that in under a minute, quiet impressive if you ask me. Back to business.... YOU, Chris Watkins. Are nothing to me now. YOU, Chris Watkins, have always been NOTHING to me. You brought me into Counterfeit Promotions thinking that it would be successful, thinking that it would get me somewhere, thinking that it would AT LEAST get another member. But Watkins, I WAS WRONG. DEAD WRONG. But no.... I didn't pay for my mistake of joining you. YOU payed... you paid dearly. A little man like you doesn't take that much damage before it's lights out I guess. Watkins, in a month of being with you... you didn't NOTHING for Counterfeit Promotions, and in under a minute, UNDER A FUCKING MINUTE. I did more for The New Fucking Resistance then you ever did for Counterfeit Promotions. The New Resistance is fucking here, and we are here to fucking dominate, you see the banners? The Spray paint? Look at the members? Fucking impressive huh? Fuck yeah there impressive. You think we're done? Fuck no we're done. Tonight is going to be a big fucking night. The New Resistance is going to dominate the EWA. Starting with our "biggest" threat of all... and once we're done with them, people are going to realize that The New Resistance does NOT FUCK AROUND. Once we are done with this band of losers, the EWA will be ours, once we are done with Team Ballz, we will be... gods! Team Ballz has fucking ran this place for long enough, Team Ballz has lowered the EWA enough, Team Ballz has pissed on the fucking bible enough, no one else is here to take a fucking stand, no one else here has the fucking power to take out Team Ballz... don't expect this to be the last night that you see The New Resistance tonight....
[ !CRACK! ]
The Informer - Hey, look out!
[ !CRACK! !CRACK! ]
Vic Canon - THORN, DUCK!!
[ As Chandler attempts to swing his Japanese Combat Bo at the back of Thorn's head, the leader of The New Resistance ducks, and Chandler is sent flying over the top rope, and onto the entranceway. He had climbed into the ring from the stands, and taken out both Bailey and Virulent from behind with the stick. On his attempt at Thorn, he missed. ]
The Informer - Aww man!
Eddie Sensation - What a way to spoil a party.
[ Chandler pulls himself back to his feet and drapes his title around his shoulder. He pulls a mic out from his left kneepad, picks back up his bo, and begins to enlighten the fans in attendance, and the three men in the ring... ]
Chandler - You know, I've been representing this company, both as champion and posterboy, for over 3 years now. And I've seen many a powerplayer, backstabber, and politicer in this son of a bitch, but none compared, sadly, to the late...great...Nicholas Diamante.
[ With the ever-growing smart mark population, the fans are a mixture of boos and cheers at the mention of Diamante's name. Chandler continues... ]
Chandler - That son of a bitch balked. And I mean, shit, he can go on "Off The Record" all he wants, he can join any motherfucking company he wants to, and he can talk all the goddamn shit in the world, but the fact remains: I'm the better man. I made you tap, and now you'll never, EVER, even have a CHANCE to repay that fucking favor. Diamante, you're fucking Rollerjam, and I'm Survivor. Clayton Chandler is not human, always remember this.
[ Chandler then looks towards the ring, where all four men are now staring him down, waiting for him to mention them... ]
Chandler - Let me get this right...The New Resistance, is it?
Thorn - [Bringing his mic up] Yeah Chandler, TNR.
Chandler - Great...great. Now, if you'll let me, let me run down a few names right quick, and give you a quick Chandler recap of what the fuck they do with anything.
Chandler - Nick Diamante, choked out.
Chandler - Chris Jericho, decimated.
Chandler - The Fu Man Crew, exposed for the comedy bullshit that it is.
Chandler - Thorn, see all of the above.
[ The crowd boos the champion ]
Thorn - Fuck you.
Chandler - No, fuck you. I mean, lets look at what we got here. Who the fuck is Anton Bailey, and WHAT the fuck is a Virulent? What you have got in that ring with you right now is downright pitiful son! You're better than that, or at least, I THOUGHT I MADE YOU BETTER THAN THAT. But You're God is not one to play these pitiful stable games. I'm a man of motherfucking action.
Thorn - Yeah, hardcore buttsex action.
Chandler - Watch what you say about your grandmother, that's not nice. No, I'm talking about one on one mano y mano WRESTLING action Thorn. Because this belt means something, and from here on out I'm going to show people that. So, I'm going to run through HY2K2 like Tammy Sytch through her medicine cabinet. And it starts TONIGHT...
[ The crowd hushes ]
Chandler - Virulent, is it? Well, no matter that being the dumbest fucking name for a wrestler I've ever heard, you're first on the hitlist. Tonight, you and me, middle of the ring, no Team Ballz, no TNR, me and you. And the next week, it'll be a new buddy, and the next, another, until I reach the big man himself, and I can finally kick the living shit out of Thorn like I should have a month ago.
Thorn - You're on.
Chandler - Damn strait I am.
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Interview with Moral [ The lights slowly begin to fade off and on, as "Children Of The Korn" begins to play over the EWA's speakers. After a few seconds of waiting, Moral emerges from the curtains with yet another angry expression sprawled across his face. The music slowly dies down, and he proceeds down to Chris Myers waiting inside the ring. ]
Moral - Cut the crap Myers, and hand me a fucking mic!
[ Chris Myers hands over a microphone to Moral, with a nervous expression on his face. ]
Moral - Last week I was just peacefully minding my own business, when I get all these threatening notes! So...I paid no attention to them thinking it's just a prank some EWA fan is playing on me! I opened my door to my locker room and some fucker pulls me in knocking me unconciouss! Now, this someone must have a lot of guts to toy with an unstable human being like myself! And I guarantee that when I see this person he's not going to survive long enough to think about what he did!
Eddie Sensation - Moral sounds pissed... no, wait.... I think it's called PMS!!
Vic Canon - You better make sure he doesn't hear you Eddie!
Moral - Don't worry Vic, I think I just heard him! Now Eddie, I have enough problems going on in my life now...do you wan't to contribute to them? I suggest you don't! Unless you want to be added to my "hit" list!
Vic Canon - Yes Moral, I think he does!!!
Eddie Sensation - SHUT UP!!!
Moral - I am willing to bet that the masked man who hit me last week does not have the guts to come out here this minute and reveal just who he really is! I bet he is too damned scared that I will kick his ass in front of thousands of people! Then again, wouldn't anyone think that?! [Evil laughter] So come on Mr. Toughguy, show me what your REALLY fucking made of!!!
The Informer - He's calling out the person that assaulted him last week on Heat!!!
Eddie Sensation - FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
Vic Canon - Shut up Eddie, just listen!
[ As soon as Vic's words are spoken "Awww Shit" by Tha Alkaholiks hits the speakers. A man with a black executioners mask, and a microphone resting in his right hand, walks out through the curtain. He pauses, and stares at the EWA fans jam-packing the arena on hand tonight. He slowly raises the mic to his mouth and begins to speak. ]
Masked Man - No guts Moral? I have no guts? Well if I remember correctly last time I saw you, you were face down in a puddle of your own blood... now who did that?
Vic Canon - It was him... wasn't it?
Eddie Sensation - You're a fucking idiot!
Masked Man - You know...this mask is making me hot...maybe I should just take it off...
Moral - Yeah...you do that you son of a bitch! Now I get to see the face I'm going to pound in a few minutes!!!
[ The masked man raises his hand up to the bottom of the mask and pulls it quickly and drops it to the ground. The camera slowly pans up to see that it's... ]
The Informer - LEX LETHAL?????
Vic Canon - I thought he retired!!!
Eddie Sensation - He did... right after he got his ass beat by Arthryn! What the hell is he doing back??
Lex Lethal - Yeah that's right..."LoCo" Lex Le...no wait. I'm not LoCo anymore...I'm just out right motherfuckin' insane! Moral I know your fucking thinking "But why did he attack me? I'm a pussy!" Well the reason is...I hate you! I hate you as a wrestler...as a person...I out right fucking hate your ass! The one reason I'm here is to make your realize that I hate you...you make sure that you understand what I AM SAYING! Your ass is mine Moral...I'm going to beat you like a red headed step child from the south...now what do you have to say...I can see the steam coming out your ears...nose...and ass!
Moral - I'm a pussy Lethal, I'm a fucking pussy?! Well like I said...in a few minutes I'm going to show you just who the fucking pussy is!!! You wanna go? Do you know how big of an impact I would have on you?!! I don't think you know Lethal, cause if you did you would know not to screw with me!!
Lex Lethal - You actually think that you can BEAT me? Wait...you actually think you have balls? Man...no one is this world can tell the truth any more! Listen fool...you don't even compare to me...I wouldn't let you wipe my dog's ass...now if you want a piece of The Lethal One...get you pantie-wasting ass up here and do something...I ain't afraid of you!
Moral - Fine with me! I'm willing to show you personally what I'm made of! I thought this might wait for a few weeks, but if you wan't to push me now, I guess that's fine with me! Get ready to get your face smashed in cuntsucker!!!
Eddie Sensation - HA! THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT!!
[ Moral throws the microphone down to his side and hops out of the ring. He runs up to Lex Lethal and they both begin to trade left and rights. They both go back through the curtain and another camera picks up the action. Lethal grabs Moral by the hair and throws his face smack into a wall. Moral stumbles around and then charges at Lethal knocking him to the floor...he stares down at the fallen Lethal and begins to speak. ]
Moral - [Evil laughter] You really want this to happen don't you?! I TOLD YOU THAT WHEN YOU FUCK WITH ME, SOMETHING BAD IS BOUND TO HAPPEN!!! AND IT HAS!!! YOU AND ME...NEXT HEAT...A "DOGPOUND" DEATHMATCH!!! WERE GOING TO BE STUCK IN A CAGE FULL OF DOBERMANS...THE FIRST ONE TO BUST A HOLE IN THE CAGE AND ESCAPE IS THE WINNER!!! YOU WANTED TO PLAY THIS GAME...YOU GOT IT!!! TRY ME MOTHER FUCKER!! TRY ME!!!
Lex Lethal - A "Doberman" deathmatch? What are you? Fucking retared? Motherfucker...I'll see you next Tuesday! And by the way....
[ Just as the words fall out of Lethal's mouth he reaches beside him and attempts to smash Moral over the head with it. Moral ducks out of the way and kicks Lethal one more time in the chest. ]
Moral - To finish of the sentecne Lex...by the way...your one dead motherfucker!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
EWA North American Title Tournament Match
Rocky Blonde vs. Eric WaltherChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is an EWA North American Title Tournament Match!
[ "Champion" by Buju Banton blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'1" and weighing in at 235 pounds, from Brooklyn, New York, Rocky Blonde!
[ Rocky Blonde steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "Judith" by A Perfect Circle blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'9" and weighing in at 297 pounds, from Washington DC, Eric Walther!
[ Eric Walther steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - The bell has sounded, this match is underway!!
Vic Canon - Walther charges at Blonde, and kicks him square in the head! Walther moves in, and kicks him a few more times! Blonde backs into the corner, and Walther punches him a few more times!
Eddie Sensation - Blonde is in a bad spot! Get out of the corner you moron!
The Informer - Walther with a dozen more kicks and punches! Now he spins Rocky Blonde around, and sets him up for a powerbomb!
Vic Canon - Walther lifts him..... OOOH!!!! RUNNING POWERBOMB, RIGHT INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!!
Eddie Sensation - DAMN!!! His head bounced off the mat on that one!
The Informer - Now Walther is going to the top rope! He balances.... LOOK OUT!
Vic Canon - OOH!!!!! FROG SPLASH!!!!!!!! RIGHT ON THE MONEY!!!
Eddie Sensation - But Walther isnt done yet!
The Informer - He picks up Blonde... sets him up.... Ooh! Reverse Single-Arm DDT! Blonde goes down again!
Vic Canon - Eric Walther is almost finished with him! He lifts him one more time.....
Eddie Sensation - Another powerbomb?
The Informer - WHAM!!!!!!!! CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - And now Walther is calling for the end!! This is going to be it for Rocky Blonde!!!
Eddie Sensation - Ha! Blonde is already dead!
The Informer - Walther whips him to the ropes....... LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!! THE LAST SHOT!!!!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - DAMN!!!! BLONDE GOT TURNED INSIDE OUT!!!!
The Informer - Walther goes for the cover! The ref counts! 1.... 2...... 3!!!!!!
Chris Myers - The winner of this match... and therefore onto the second round of the North American Title Tournament.... Eric Walther!
Vic Canon - Was that a match, or a humiliation?
Eddie Sensation - That was an embarassment!
The Informer - Agreed.
Backstage... [ Scene: El GiGante's locker room. Lorenzo Pierro walks up to his door, and knocks heavily on it a few times. The camera zooms out to see Lorenzo Pierro has a steel chair in his hand. El GiGante opens the door, and Pierro nails him square in the face with the chair! He then drops the chair next to GiGante, and casually walks away... ]
Suddenly... [ Suddenly "Sanitarium" by Metallica hits the PA system, and the 6'10" 320 pound man of mystery known as Jonathan Creed walks out from behind the curtains, and hears the crowd as they boo and curse at him. With his several Gothic tattoos that basically cover his whole upper body, and his ripped muscles that seem to be etched of granite, he is quite a sight. He just shakes his head and smiles as he walks into the ring and gets a mic. He obviously has something to say. ]
Jonathan Creed - You know, you people really make me sick to my stomach!
[ Crowd boos ]
Jonathan Creed - What you people saw last week was an embarassment. It was not only an embarassment to the EWA, or to you idiots out there watching at home, or to you assholes here around me, but it was an embarassment to me!
[ He walks over and sits on a turnbuckle. ]
Jonathan Creed - After I won the match via submission.. [Snickers] That idiot of a madman that he is, takes the loss like a baby and beats me and the referee senseless with a chair! And the worst part of it all... YOU PEOPLE ENJOYED EVERY SECOND OF IT!!! What the hell is the matter with you people!?
Vic Canon - Oh God, don't tell me we have to go through this professional BS again...
Jonathan Creed - After my match with Madman last week, I went back and watched the video of it, just to get a fix on Madman's style, and I heard one of the ignorant ring announcers say something like, "If Creed was The Wildman's trainer, you think he might want revenge?"... That's a good question. I'm better than revenge. I'm better than most things when it comes to overall fighting ability and the ability to block out certain emotions. When you've seen the shit I've seen in my world, you'd know. You'd know about the winos, the pimps, the whores, and all the bad shit that no one wants to talk about, or see. But it's all there. From the very beginning of my life, I've lived in it. The violence, the fear, the torment. You people out there in your comfortable seats, you know about the fear when you walk down that street in the ghetto, right? Or are you smart and just drive your car and lock the doors? It doesn't matter. When I look into your eyes, you're all cowards. Pathetic souls with so much fear that you wouldn't even know what to do if your house got robbed.
[ The crowd isn't liking what Creed has to say about them, and they let him know by throwing trash into the ring. ]
Jonathan Creed - HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE THROW YOUR TRASH AT ME!!!!
Vic Canon - Well I guess that's a first for him. I take it he's never gone through a trash rummage...
Jonathan Creed - I train, I condition my body, mind, and my soul, and I live, eat, and breathe pro wrestling...not to mention developing my own fighting style that helped The Wildman become the hardcore legend that he's known for now....or is he?
[ The crowd hears that he mentioned The Wildman's name, and they cheer. ]
Jonathan Creed - Ahh, you all remember The Wildman, do you? You see, before I came here to have my meeting with Tom Stone concerning my contract, somehow a rumor was spread that I trained The Wildman before he became a pro wrestler. I don't start rumors. I just do what I have to do to survive and get what I want. But to state the truth, I did train The Wildman, years ago. I gave him the tools he needed to go from the drug abusing, whore fucking, booze hound, street rat that he was when I found him, to the four time extreme champ he became. But what did he really do with that talent? What did he do with all that training we did together? HE FLUSHED IT ALL DOWN THE FUCKING TOILET AND DIDN'T LOOK TWICE!!! I'm better than The Wildman ever dreamed. I gave him the strength he needed to get his ass off the streets, and into the wrestling ring, and he ended up right back where he started. You people really wanna know where The Wildman is today? You think he's livin it up in money and smoking the kind bud like he wants you to believe? You people are more stupid than he gave you credit for. No, The Wildman, sadly enough, IS IN THE OLD INDIANAPOLIS GRAVEYARD, FUCKING HIS DEAD MOTHERS NASTY WORM INFESTED PUN TANG!!!!! THAT'S WHERE THE WILDMAN IS!!! YOU WANTED TO KNOW, AND NOW YOU KNOW!!!
Eddie Sensation - So THAT'S where he disappeared to!
The Informer - Oh shut up Edide! Thats just sick!
Jonathan Creed - The truth is harsh and ugly....but it can also be beautiful, can't it? Just like it was beautiful when I kicked Madman's head into the ring announcers table last week. Just like it was beautiful when Madman's face was covered in his own blood. Just like it was beautiful when I heard the sound of Madman screaming like a little girl as I made him tap out. Madman, you really wanna test me, don't you? You tested my technical ability, and my submissionist ability, and now you wanna see if I can bleed and scream in pain like you did, so you can look better. I know the game, Madman. I've been around for awhile, and I know the rules. I'm here to tell you right now.....you're gonna lose. I'm bigger, I'm stronger, and it doesn't matter how many belts you've won in however many different feds you've been in. Federations don't mean shit. When you've seen what I've seen, felt what I've felt, experienced what I've experienced, all the belts in all the feds in the world won't change the fact that not only have I trained a hardcore legend, but every person that's ever challenged me to a fight....has been defeated. Yes, I'm cocky. I'm a cocky bastard.
[ He walks around the ring again, turning and facing the entry-way. ]
Jonathan Creed - And I've got the muscle, the speed, and the skill to back it up. Madman, your days of acting out like a child are over. Now it's time to go play with the big boys....or should I say...big boy. Hardcore... two can play at this game. I'm Jonathan Creed, and my word is law.....SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
[ The crowd boos and then "Pac Bell" by (hed) *planet earth* blasts over the arena and Madman steps out from behind the curtain with both hands raised to the air, with a huge pop. ]
Madman - Can you ever shut up you jelly blobbed monster!
[ The crowd laughs ]
Madman - You see Creed-entials, you are stupid. You know why?
Eddie Sensation - HA! Look at Creed! I don't think he knows how to answer that!
The Informer - Hey Eddie? Weren't you rooting for Creed to whip Madman's ass last week? Why the hell are you poking at him now?
Vic Canon - Because he's a damn kiss ass, that's why!
Madman - Credit Card Man, have you ever listend to yourself talk? I mean, these people here don't give a fuck what you have to say. The sooner you get your dead beat ass off the ring canvas, and to the back the happier they become. On the other hand, the sooner I get my dead beat ass off the bench, and to the ring, the happier they become.
The Informer - They certainly agree with him on that one!
Madman - We got a hardcore match tonight... If you've been to hell and back, like you sob story sounds like, then maybe you should be getting ready for it. Not out here making your mother ashamed of herself for having her son be YOU! Sure, we all got shit to say and things to do, but nobody in EWA, and I mean NOBODY wants to hear a damn thing your penny worth ass has to say!! Like I said, if you had any common sense, like I mentioned last week, you'd not run your mouth. Be ready Rafiki, your ass is in my house tonight!
[ His music blasts and he disappears behind the curtain. Creed stays in the ring with a mean look on his face. ]
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
EWA North American Title Tournament Match
Lex Lethal vs. Misled YouthChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is an EWA North American Title Tournament Match!
[ "Awww Shit" by Tha Alkaholiks blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'4" and weighing in at 273 pounds, from London, Ontario, Canada, Lex Lethal!
[ Lex Lethal steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "Thief" by Our Lady Peace blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6' and weighing in at 220 pounds, from New York, New York, Misled Youth!
[ Misled Youth steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - The two are in the ring, and the bell sounds!
Vic Canon - They lock up... Lethal throws him to the ropes! Misled Youth bounces back, and Lethal drops him with a clothesline! Misled Youth gets back up, and is met by a dropkick by Lex Lethal! He goes back down!
Eddie Sensation - And now Misled Youth rolls to the outside! Looks like Lethal is in control of this one so far!
The Informer - But not for long! Misled Youth grabs his legs... Lethal cant move! Oh! Youth nails him with an uppercut!
Vic Canon - He jumps up to the apron, knee's Lethal in the gut.... Sunset flip! The ref counts! 1..... 2...... OH! No! Lethal just got out! And now Lethal gets up, and begins punching Misled Youth in the head!
Eddie Sensation - Lethal's pretty pissed! Misled Youth almost humiliated him!
The Informer - Well, as I've learned, these two have somewhat of a past... with Lex Lethal getting the better of Misled Youth. But, this is the EWA! It's a completely different story here!
Vic Canon - Plus, that was a long time ago!
Eddie Sensation - Stop rambling, get back to the match!
The Informer - Right... Lethal hooks him.... SWINGING NECKBREAKER! He goes for the cover.... 1.... 2.... No! Misled Youth kicks out! And Lethal gets right back to his feet... he grabs Misled Youth by the hair...
Vic Canon - He sets him up... Oooh!!! Belly-To-Back Suplex! Into a pin! Lethal goes for the cover! 1..... 2.... No! Misled Youth with another kickout!
Eddie Sensation - Lethal looks pissed! I dont know why... anyone could have kicked out of those moves!
The Informer - And now Lethal is applying a sleeper hold!!! Misled Youth is desperatly trying to get out of it!
Vic Canon - But he cant! Lethal has it locked on!
Eddie Sensation - Something tells me Misled Youth wont give up.....
The Informer - Yeah, duh... Lethal has him down to one knee! No! Misled Youth elbows him in the stomach! And again! Again!
Vic Canon - Misled Youth whips Lethal to the ropes... OOH!!! SPINEBUSTER by Misled Youth!! He quickly gets to his feet, and positions himself behind Lethal.... Lethal gets up!
Eddie Sensation - WHAM!!
The Informer - BULLDOG!!! Misled Youth goes for the cover... the ref counts.... 1..... 2..... no! Lex Lethal just gets out of it!
Vic Canon - Misled Youth quickly gets to his feet, and picks up Lethal. He whips him into the corner, and follows him in with a BIG SPLASH!!! Misled Youth hooks him... LOOK OUT!!! OOH!!!! INVERTED TORNADO DDT!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - Lethal FLEW across the ring!!! What a move!!!
The Informer - And now Misled Youth is jumping to the top rope! He's up there... and he jumps! Look out!!
Vic Canon - OOH!!!! Guillotine Leg Drop!!!! He goes for the cover... this could be it!!! 1..... 2..... OOH!!! Lethal JUST got his shoulder up!!!
Eddie Sensation - Damn! That was pretty close! I thought it was over!
The Informer - Misled Youth looks overwhelmed! He picks up Lethal... but Lex Lethal punches him in the stomach a few times! Lethal sets him up for a Powerbomb! He lifts him!
Vic Canon - WHAM!!! NO!!!! MISLED YOUTH REVERSED IT INTO A HURRICANRANA!!!! ...INTO A PIN! THE REF COUNTS, 1..... 2....... OOOH!!!!
Eddie Sensation - Another near fall!!!
The Informer - What a match this has been so far! And this is only the first round! Misled Youth gets to his feet, and calls to the crowd! This could be it! He's callng for "MISLED WAYS"!!!!
Vic Canon - Lethal is up... he hooks him in a Full Nelson! OOOH!!! LEX LETHAL WITH A LOW BLOW! Misled Youth stands in the middle of the ring, in a world of pain! Lex Lethal bounces off the ropes.... WHAM! FLYING FOREARM puts Misled Youth down!!!
Eddie Sensation - HA! Thats the way! The low blow always works!
The Informer - Lethal picks him up to his feet... he sets him up for a Piledriver! LOOK OUT!! OOOH!!! CORKSCREW PILEDRIVER!!!!! THATS IT, THIS ONE HAS TO BE OVER!!!
Vic Canon - NO! Lethal isn't going for the pin! Instead, he's bringing Misled Youth up to the top rope!
Eddie Sensation - Uh oh!
The Informer - Misled Youth is sitting on the top rope.... Lethal climbs up! Misled Youth punches him a few times, but Lethal pokes him in the eye! He grabs him......
Vic Canon - OOOH!!!!!! POWERBOMB OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!!!!!!!!! THATS IT, THIS ONE IS OVER!!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - Not yet! Lethal has to go for the cover! But he looks hurt!
The Informer - Lethal stumbles over... and FINALLY goes for the cover!! The ref counts.... 1........
Vic Canon - 2.........
Eddie Sensation - THR---NO!!!! NO!!!! HE KICKED OUT!!!
The Informer - MY GOD! MISLED YOUTH KICKED OUT OF A TOP-ROPE POWERBOMB!!!!!
Vic Canon - And Lex Lethal looks more shocked then ALL of us!!! Lethal picks up Misled Youth, and brings him over to the corner!
Eddie Sensation - We're going upstairs again!!!
The Informer - Lethal has Misled Youth sitting on the top rope... OOH!! MISLED YOUTH KICKED LETHAL IN THE CHEST, AND HE WENT FLYING!!!!
Vic Canon - Misled Youth stands up, turns around, and waits for Lex Lethal! ...and Lethal slowly gets to his feet!!
Eddie Sensation - And he's up!
The Informer - LOOK OUT!!!!! OOH!!!!!!! MISLED WAYS!!!!! MISLED WAYS!!!!! HE NAILED LETHAL WITH IT!!!! WHAT A MOVE!!!!
Vic Canon - DID YOU SEE HIM FLY?!?!?! THE REF COUNTS..... 1........ 2.......
Eddie Sensation - ....THREE!!!!!!!!
Chris Myers - The winner of this match... and therefore onto the second round of the North American Title Tournament.... Misled Youth!
The Informer - WOW! WHAT A MATCH! WHAT A FINISH!!!
Vic Canon - Lex Lethal cant beleive it!! But Misled Youth knows he won, and he's getting the hell out of here!
Eddie Sensation - And for good reasons! Lethal is going nuts!! Look at him!
The Informer - Oh god... Lex Lethal is yelling at the referee now... hopefully he doesnt do anything to the poor bastard.
Vic Canon - HA! Nope! Lethal is finally leaving the ring...
Eddie Sensation - Oh well... you win some, you lose some...
The Informer - Exactly Eddie
Backstage... [ We are brought to the backstage area, where Anthony DePalma is seen walking around... ]
Anthony DePalma - I knew this place was big.. but SHIT! This place is huge!
[ DePalma looks in each direction for a few seconds... ]
Anthony DePalma - I dont know where the hell I'm going!
[ Suddenly, he spots an EWA Staff member... ]
Anthony DePalma - Hey... can you tell me which way my locker room is?
EWA Staff Member - Well... I dont know who the hell you are... BUT, all locker rooms are that way! [Points left]
Anthony DePalma - Ok... thanks... [Under breath] prick...
[ DePalma turns left, and walks down a LONG hallway. There are no doors, and nobody around. But suddenly, a man comes walking towards him... ]
Anthony DePalma - Hey... can you tell me where my locker room is??
100 Percent - How the hell should I know?!
Anthony DePalma - Well... you're in an EWA building... i thought you might now!
100 Percent - First of all, I'm new around here... and second, I dont even know who the hell you are! Are you Al Capone? That famous EWA Jobber?
Anthony DePalma - No no.... this is who I am...
[ DePalma digs in his bag, then quickly pulls his arm out and punches 100 Percent in the face! He goes down, and DePalma jumps ontop of him and begins to punch him some more. Finally, security runs down to break them up. ]
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Pre-Match Interview with Madman Rob DiMarco - Before I ask about your match, why the hell did you try to keep your identity when you vandalized everything backstage on Heat?
Madman - It's part of the game Rob. Kind of like...Why did you wear metal underwear before you went to interview Divine last week? You know that can't stop him from piercing you [Laughs]
Rob DiMarco - Rrrrrright... Last week you lost to Jonathan Creed with your EWA in ring debut. What makes you think you'll win this time?
Madman - Rob, I'm a hardcore champion of several underground federations, and he's going to see what my specialty is. Last week he wanted a plain old simple one-fall match, and Tom gave it to him and he beat me by submission...and everybody should know that I am nothing when it comes to technical wrestling. I don't have a clue how to wrap a Sharpshooter or..or a Figure Four or even the damn ankle lock submission that he hooked me with last week.
[ He gently takes the microphone out of Rob's hands, and Rob's face forms a relieved smile... ]
Madman - Creed, last week we went into your house, and you cleaned it pretty damn good. This week you'll go into my house and watch me clean it, using your face as the mop and duster. You said two can play at this game? Heh, well I hope so because it takes two to tango, and I can't dance...
Rob DiMarco - But he's....what the hell does that mean?
Madman - Shut the hell up! Creed, I don't give a shit if you trained Wildman in the past, and he's an EWA Extreme Legend... that doesn't mean you are capable of handling what I'm going to dish out. You...and your red white and blue bitch ass self can go home back to wherever you came from because after this match..you won't want to step back into EWA doors again.
[ He gives the mic back to Rob. ]
Rob DiMarco - Wait, what about what he said earlier?
Madman - What about earlier? He went out there and ran his mouth like a bitch and I got tired of hearing it! Like I said earlier, save the words for the match!
Rob DiMarco - Um.. over to you Rachel.
Pre-Match Interview with Jonathan Creed Rachel Stevens - Here with me now is EWA newcomer Jonathan Creed, who in just a few moments will get in the ring with Madman in a Hardcore Rules match. Mr. Creed, last week you won your first match by forcing Madman to submit, and I understand that you are highly skilled as a submission style wrestler, and you're very agile for a larger wrestler, but the buzz backstage is that that isn't all you can do in the ring. Care to share what other skills you have as a pro wrestler?
Jonathan Creed - I usually like to let my skills speak for themselves, but since no one here knows much about who I am or what I can really do, I'll tell you a little about "The Superstar" Jonathan Creed. Pay attention, Rachel, you might learn something.
Rachel Stevens - Oh, I'm listening Mr. Creed.
Jonathan Creed - My father being a mafia crime boss had already learned the ways of the streets years before I came to be in his life, and so I suppose he wanted to show his enemies what power he could possess by teaching me how to fight and be strong. Soon enough I was training people who wanted to learn how to fight in my own personal gym. Over time, I even developed a fighting style that combined bare-knuckle boxing with street-fighting skills I already had as a teenager. That's when The Wildman came knocking at my door, asking me to train him.
Rachel Stevens - That was a rumor going around the EWA locker rooms, correct?
Jonathan Creed - Yes but please don't interrupt me again. This leads to what's doing down tonight. The Wildman was a four-time EWA Extreme champion, remember that, Rachel?
Rachel Stevens - Yes, how could I forget? He's practically a hardcore legend here in the EWA.
Jonathan Creed - Exactly. Tonight, I'm going toe-to-toe with Madman, in a hardcore rules match. Any fool that had any common sense would be able to figure out that the master only teaches half of what he knows to his student. Just think, Ms. Stevens.....remember all the shit The Wildman could do in the ring? Back in his prime, he was unstoppable, but if you took away his hardcore skills, he was nothing. I only taught him how to be strong and take the punishment, and he did that very well. Ms. Stevens, what you're looking at in front of you isn't just a man that knows his shit. I'm a man that can take one hundred fold of what The Wildman could take in his prime. I don't wanna get into my past anymore then I have to, so that's all I'm gonna say about that. As for Madman.....he's bitten off way more than he can chew. He should have just realized that he were beaten, and walked away.......common sense would have told him that if he had any. But I knew from the first time I laid eyes on him that he didn't have any common sense. I suppose the only thing left to do is to beat some sense into him. It's like he's the little, whimpering, snot nosed brat, and I'm the big brother.....kicking his little ass every time he pisses me off, doesn't leave me alone, or makes a mess all the time. Well Madman......I can play this game bro. I can play any game there is. And you know why that is, Ms. Stevens?
Rachel Stevens - Can I take a guess?
Jonathan Creed - A woman with brains......that's scary. No, I'll tell you. It's because I'm Jonathan Creed, and my word is law.......SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
Rachel Stevens - That would've been my guess. Back to you guys!
Hardcore Rules Match
Jonathan Creed vs. MadmanChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Hardcore Rules Match!
[ "Born Without A Face" by RATM blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'8" and weighing in at 288 pounds, from Havre de Grace, Maryland, "Madman" Matt Gilman!
[ "Madman" Matt Gilman steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "Sanitarium" by Metallica blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'10" and weighing in at 320 pounds, from Detroit, Michigan, Jonathan Creed!
[ Everyone awaits the entrance of Creed... ]
Vic Canon - Where is he??
[ Cody Covington steps out from behind the curtain and is welcomed with loud cheers from the fans. He's wearing street clothes and has black bags under his eyes. He raises his hand and lowers it slowly signaling to cut the music. ]
Eddie Sensation - What the hell is going on?! Jonathan Creed looks like a sickly Cody Covington!!
The Informer - That isn't Jonathan Creed, you idiot. But this isn't on the format... I don't know what Cody is doing here!
[ Covington motions with his index finger for an announcer to get him a microphone. Madman is just waiting in the ring impatiently. Covington has the microphone in hand... ]
Cody Covington - Matt... no disrespect towards you... but I have a few things I want to get off my chest. Could you please give me a few minutes?
[ Madman nods his head approvingly as he leaves the ring and walks up the rampway. Cody shakes his hand and then slowly makes his way towards the ring... ]
Cody Covington - You people want to know what professional wrestling is all about? BULLSHIT! You know what this business does to you? IT RUINS YOUR LIFE! Believe it or not... some people involved with this sport do have personal lives. Personal lives that are filled with broken hearts and promises. From failed marriages to children who barely even know their father.
[ Cody throws the microphone into the ring and slides under the bottom rope. The fans have no reaction to Cody's statements so far... they seem to be hanging onto every one of C4's words. Cody picks up the microphone and starts again... ]
Cody Covington - I wasn't supposed to be here tonight, but I just had to let all of this stress out of my system before it got to the point where it was just too much for me to handle. At the EWA Pay-Per-View. "Global Threat," I not only lost my match against Divine, I lost a family member.
[ Cody takes a loooooooooooong pause... ]
Cody Covington - A family member that hasn't spoken to me ever since the day I made the decision of entering professional wrestling. Probably the worst decision I've made in my entire pathetic life. Because of that "decision," my family turned their back on me... I had no family at all, nobody cared. Wrestling was my family. I thought it would never turn its back on me, NEVER! Yet, just my luck... I thought wrong. Sure, out of all of this I have made some friends... but had nobody who loved me... nobody who gave a shit about me. Until I met GeniPher... she was the best thing to ever happen to me. But what happened to her?! My career got in the way... and it slowly deteriorated our relationship. Wrestling brought GeniPher to me, and wrestling drove her away from me. This business gives and takes... but in the end, when times up... you look back at your life and think to yourself... "Was this all worth it? Was it worth having my family turn their back on me?" Ya know, for the past month... I have felt like killing myself. I couldn't face my family... I couldn't go to the funeral... the only thing I could do was lay around in Miami. In my home, no television, no contact from the outside world... just me and my privacy. My time to think about how much of a waste my wrestling career is, my family, and GeniPher. Let me back track for a minute... I did have contact from the outside world. As a matter of fact... Tom Stone called me a week after the PPV. He was furious that I didn't show up for the "Aftermath" card, so he threatened to fine and suspend me. How could he do such a thing?! How could a man be so cold and uncaring?! He knew a relative of mine passed away, but did it matter to that BASTARD?! Hell Fucking NO! Tom Stone doesn't care about his wrestlers... Tom Stone only cares about his business... and HIMSELF. Tom Stone asked me to come on his television program... and I asked him for my life back......
"Cody Covington, THIS is your life...." [ The hauntingly familiar voice of Ethan Tyler booms throughout the arena as he steps out from behind the curtain with a mic. He slowly makes his way into the ring and looks at Covington. Their eyes lock and Covington extends a friendly hand. Tyler looks down at it, sneers and slowly looks back up at C4. Tyler slowly points directly at C4's head ]
Ethan Tyler - Being in the back and having to sit there and hear your story... Hear how you gave up your family for this business, how you lost not only your girlfriend, but your brother, your own flesh and blood for this business, and hearing how it's cheated you leaves me..... well Cody... it leaves me sick to my god damn stomach.
[ Fans boo as Cody looks hurt by Tyler's comments. Tyler just sits and burns a hole through C4 with his eyes. ]
Ethan Tyler - How can you look at yourself in the mirror? You come down here to this very ring... This ring where people bleed and sweat and expect us to throw you a god damn pity party? Cry me a river Covington, then jump your god damn ass into it and drown!
Vic Canon - Fans, my hate for Ethan Tyler CAN NOT be said on TV....
The Informer - This is way over the line guys, this is Cody's family he's talking about here.
Ethan Tyler - I can't even look at you with any respect anymore... First you get your ass kicked by a FAGGOT, then you come out here expecting to save face by getting on the soft side of these people? I see right through you Crystal Clear.... I see right through your bullshit.
[ Covington shakes his head and mouths something that looks like "now is not the time man". Cody then makes his way out of the ring and up the aisleway. Tyler jumps on the second rope and berates Cody some more. ]
Ethan Tyler - That's right, walk away you piece of human shit! Walk your ass out of here and go pick up the "pieces" of your precious life! I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU WALK OUT FROM BEHIND THOSE CURTAINS AGAIN! DON'T DARE STEP INTO MY HOME AGAIN!
[ Covington steps back behind the curtain and Tyler spits into the direction Cody left in. He climbs down from the rope and laughs to himself. ]
Ethan Tyler - That's more like it....
[ Tyler throws the mic down and exits the ring and back up towards the aisleway. ]
The Informer - Spiteful words by Ethan Tyler, but I'm wondering, what did Cody do to Ethan?
Vic Canon - Jealousy Informer, pure jealousy... I hope Ethan Tyler gets his career ended soon......
Eddie Sensation - HA!!!
The Informer - Fans, I apologize for Canon's comments.. Vic, that's out of line, be better than Tyler... We'll be right back.
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Hardcore Rules Match
Jonathan Creed vs. MadmanChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Hardcore Rules Match!
The Informer - Welcome back to Heat folks! And now we're going to try to have this match, which was interupted by Cody Covington just moments ago... Lets send it to Chris Myers!
[ "Born Without A Face" by RATM blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'8" and weighing in at 288 pounds, from Havre de Grace, Maryland, "Madman" Matt Gilman!
[ "Madman" Matt Gilman steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "Sanitarium" by Metallica blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'10" and weighing in at 320 pounds, from Detroit, Michigan, Jonathan Creed!
[ Jonathan Creed steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
Vic Canon - And here comes Jonathan Creed, RUNNING to the ring! He slides in, and the bell rings!
Eddie Sensation - Madman hasn't even had time to get his weapons ready!
The Informer - Well he might not need them just yet! Madman charges at Creed... Creed takes him down with a drop toe hold! AND CREED GOES FOR THE ANKLE LOCK!!!
Vic Canon - AND HE HAS IT LOCKED ON AGAIN!!!!! But no! Madman grabs the ropes, and the ref forces Creed to break the hold!
Eddie Sensation - I thought this was Hardcore rules?
The Informer - Good point Eddie. This referee should be fired... even Eddie Sensation is picking up his mistakes!!
Vic Canon - Ha! Creed is back on the offensive... He throws Matt Gilman to the ropes, and NAILS him with a Spinebuster! Gilman rolls around in pain!
Eddie Sensation - And now Creed is going for that ankle again!
The Informer - No! Madman kicks him in the face! And Creed stumbles back...
Vic Canon - Matt Gilman gets to his feet, and walks towards Creed. Creed charges at Madman, and misses a clothesline! But Jonathan Creed quickly turns around, knee's Madman in the back, and nails him with an Inverted DDT!
Eddie Sensation - Creed goes for the cover! The ref, who doesnt know the rules, counts!
The Informer - 1... 2.... No! Madman gets out! But Creed quickly goes back to work... he lifts Gilman, and locks on a Russian Leg Sweep! Wham! Snap Russian Leg Sweep!
Vic Canon - Creed still isnt done... he backs off into the corner, and waits for Madman to get up!
Eddie Sensation - Aaaaaaaaand he's up!
The Informer - WHAM! BULLDOG BY CREED!!! And now he's going for another submission! Creed is locking on something.... I cant tell what it is.....
Vic Canon - Damn! Madman is screaming in pain! Creed has his arm twisted back, and he's pulling on his neck! This move could very well seperate Madman's shoulder if he doesnt be careful!
Eddie Sensation - Hey, thats what that Benoit guy uses! You know... in the WW--
The Informer - Who? Where? I dont know what you're talking about Eddie.... but Madman isn't giving up!! And Creed knows that if he's going to get anywhere, it's going to be around his ankle!
Vic Canon - Creed releases the hold, and Madman rolls out of the ring before Creed can stop him! Now Jonathan Creed is climbing out towards Madman....
Eddie Sensation - Wait.... Creed is coming over towards us! What the hell does he want?!
The Informer - Chris Myers' chair! And he's got it! Now Creed is making his way towards Gilman...
Vic Canon - OOH!!!! MADMAN JUST SPRAYED A FIRE EXTINGUISHER INTO THE EYES OF JONATHAN CREED!!!
Eddie Sensation - HA!! I LOVE IT!!! Well, except for the cloud coming towards us!
The Informer - I cant see anything!
Vic Canon - I can! It's starting to clear up... and Madman is reaching for something!
Eddie Sensation - He's got that chair! WHAM!!!!!!!!! OOH!!! HE NAILED CREED IN THE BACK!!!!
The Informer - Now Madman is in control, with his Hardcore style! He's looking under the ring for something..... and he's got a table!
Vic Canon - "Madman" Matt Gilman throws the table into the ring.... and looks under the ring for something else! What's he got now?
Eddie Sensation - He's got a few steel chairs! And he's throwing them in the ring!
The Informer - Now the ring is filled with chairs, and one table! Madman is rolling into the ring, and is setting up the table.
Vic Canon - Jonathan Creed is finally showing signs of life... he's moving around, trying to get to his feet.
Eddie Sensation - Madman has the table set up... and now he's putting two chairs on top if it!
The Informer - Oh great... this doesnt look good... now Creed rolls in the ring, and Madman goes over and grabs him...
Vic Canon - Madman lifts him to his feet, and sets him up for a piledriver!
Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT! THERE'S A STEEL CHAIR UNDER HIM!!!!
The Informer - WHAM!!!!!! OOOOH!!!! PILEDRIVER ONTO THE CHAIR!!!! Madman nailed it!
Vic Canon - And now Creed is in trouble! Madman is climbing to the top rope... and Creed is showing no signs of movement!
Eddie Sensation - Madman balances... and JUMPS!
The Informer - OOOH!! BIG SPLASH!!! RIGHT ON THE MONEY!
Vic Canon - Madman nailed it perfectly! And now what's he doing? He's pulling something out of his boot!
Eddie Sensation - What the hell?? Is that LIPSTICK???
The Informer - I think so! Madman is putitng LIPSTICK ON JONATHAN CREED!!!
Vic Canon - DAMN! He's not going to be too happy about that!
Eddie Sensation - SURE HE IS! LOOK AT HIM! MADMAN DREW A SMILEY FACE ON HIM!!! HAHAHA!!!!!
The Informer - And now Madman is lifting him to his feet.... he sets him up, right beside the table!
Vic Canon - LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!! WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! EDGECRUSHER RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - ....AND TWO CHAIRS!!!!
The Informer - Madman goes for the cover! The ref counts! 1.... 2..... 3!!!!
Chris Myers - And the winner of this match.... "Madman" Matt Gilman!
Vic Canon - And Madman gets some revenge from last week, by beating Creed in a Hardcore Rules Match!
Eddie Sensation - That lipstick is going to piss of Creed more then anything!
The Informer - We'll be right back fans!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
The Informer - Welcome back to Heat folks! And now we're going to send it to--
[ Suddenly, the camera zooms into the crowd, where many fans have turned their attention to something happening among them. After a few seconds, we can see Kurt Poser leading a load of protestors through the audience, chanting "Hell no, we won't job." Kurt Poser is carrying a sign that reads "The Krowned Prince Lays Down...." on one side, and "For No-Damned-Body" on the other. He hops the guardrail, with his followers trailing behind for backup. ]
Vic Canon - Oh great... Kurt Poser is back, now with a load of protestors...
Eddie Sensation - Who the hell are these guys?! I dont recognize ONE of them!
The Informer - Well, thats because they're all being trained still and working house shows only...
Vic Canon - Which is exactly why Poser is so pissed off..... now he's got a mic!
Kurt Poser - No longer will the good up-'n-comers in the EWA be oppressed any longer. Children, you have a new hero. His voice will go unheard no longer. His name..... Kurt Poser. I am here for three reasons: to kick ass, to take names and to fight the oppression that the higher ups, headed by Tom "Needs a Good Kick in the Ballz" Stone. I am a former two-time World Cyber Wrestling Federation World champion, I have ruled the roost before, as you all know. I did not come to this federation to play Jonny Canvasback to Team Ballz or any of his other golden boys. It's a damned disgrace that the only way these veteran punks can keep over in this federation is by keeping Tyrant Tommy in their pocket. Well, I've seen this game played enough. It's time that the good rookies to this federation stood up and fought against the higher ups and stood up for what they believe in. I want results, fair results, and I want them starting right now, punks. HELL NO, WE WON'T JOB!!!! HELL NO, WE WON'T JOB!!!! HELL NO, WE WON'T JOB!!!! HELL NO, WE WON'T JOB!!!!
Eddie Sensation - This guy is a little psycho, if you ask me!
The Informer - And Tom Stone thinks the same thing... which is why he has security coming to the ring!
Vic Canon - But Poser and his protestors are taking off through the crowd!
Eddie Sensation - GOOD! At least they're leaving!
The Informer - Lets send it backstage...
Backstage... [ The scene opens up in the backstage area of the arena, where two slouched figures can be seen leaning against a wall in some random hallway. As the camera zooms in, the two slouched figures soon become easy to identify. They're none other than the dynamic duo of Zed and his short mexican lackey Santoro. The two of them casually talk in the hallway, nodding at random arena employees as they pass them in the hall. ]
Zed - Dude, I'm bored.
Santoro - Me too. Weren't you put on tonights card
Zed - I guess not.
Santoro - This is ridiculous! You say you'll return to the ring as a wrestler, and they don't even use you! I mean, look at you, you're ZED! Someone of your stature shouldn't be waving to stage hands in an arena hallway.
Zed - Well, maybe there wasn't room on the card. Maybe I got bumped off so we could include something like Team Ballz hitting random people with various objects on the show.
Santoro - Probably. But I don't get it, don't ingrates like Tom Stone realize your worth?
Zed - No.
Santoro - I just don't understand it! Your first match back from being an interviewer and you wipe the ring with Fallen Angel and beat him in a CLEAN match! And yet they have the nerve to leave you off the card?! This is an outrage! I think we should overthrow Tom and run this place ourselves!
Zed - Personally, I wouldn't really want to.
Santoro - ....Yeah, me niether.
[ To the surprise of both Zed and Santoro, they see Fallen Angel approaching them from across the hall. ]
Santoro - HA! Look who it is. It's that LOSER you beat Tuesday.
Zed - Hehehe, I know, he's such a NERD! He smells too.
Santoro - Tell me about it, In fact, I heard people saying...
Zed - ...SHHH! Shut up, he's almost here!
[ Fallen Angel walks over and stands in front of Zed. The two stare at each other for a moment, and then Fallen Angel extends his hand. ]
Fallen Angel - I just wanted to congratulate you on your victory over me Tuesday. You truly are one of the greats. You had me beat clean, and I can't make a single excuse for losing. You beat me fair and square, and I just wanted you to know that I'm a good sport about it.
Santoro - You're damn right you...
[ Zed smacks Santoro in the face and then shakes Fallen Angel's hand. ]
Zed - Thankyou for the kind gesture, but it is I who should be praising you. You're the one who should've won that match. It was just a fluke that I won. You're a far superior wrestler when compared to the likes of me.
Fallen Angel - What? Are you crazy? You've got the longest ever EWA Heavyweight title reign, as well as reigns with every other EWA singles title, and yet you're telling me I'm superior?
Zed - Yes. I honestly think that you should've won that match Tuesday. I just got lucky, that's all. It was just luck. I suck right now, I'm riddled with ringrust.
Fallen Angel - So am I! Listen, I'm here to congratulate you, the least you could do is at least accept me good sportsman ship and admit you're better than I am.
Zed - NEVER! It is YOU who's far BETTER than the likes of ME! I think we both know that it was just luck Tuesday, you would've had the victory. If we wrestled ten more times you'd win them all.
Fallen Angel - WHAT?! You're so full of crap! You know you're lying!
Zed - I AM NOT!! I would never lie! I've never lied to anyone!
Santoro - ...[Cough] [Cough]...
[ Zed elbows Santoro in the face. ]
Zed - I never lie, and not only that, when I tell someone they're better than me that person damn well better recognize that I'm complimenting them, and therefore they should accept the compliment. So, I demand that you accept my compliment and admit you're better!
Fallen Angel - OH YEAH?! Well I demand that you accept my good sportsman ship gesture and admit YOU'RE BETTER!
Zed - NO! YOU'RE BETTER!
Fallen Angel - YOU ARE!
Zed - YOU!!!
Fallen Angel - YOU!!!!!
Zed - YOU!!!!
Fallen Angel - YOU!!!!!!!!
Zed - YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Fallen Angel - YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[ Zed sticks his tongue out at Fallen Angel and begins spitting at him. ]
Zed - *THBBTHBPTHHH!!!!*
[ Fallen Angel sticks his tongue out as well and they both begin spitting at each other. ]
Fallen Angel - *THBBTHBPTHHHHHHH!!!!!!*
Zed - *THBBTHHHHBPTHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!*
Fallen Angel - OH YEAH? Well, this is my impression of you! "DUH DUH DUH!! OH LOOK, I'M ZED, DUH DUH DUH!"
Zed - This is you!!! "Hey everyone, look at me, I'm stupid and smelly, and I smell...because I'm Fallen Angel"
Fallen Angel - Smelly? I don't smell!
Zed - You sure the hell do!!
Fallen Angel - Well....you SMELL! And you're a better wrestler than me, so just admit it!
Santoro - Why would you insult him and then compliment him in the same senten....
[ Fallen Angel elbows Santoro in the face. ]
Fallen Angel - Alright, listen Zed. We're acting like little kids here.
Zed - I am rubber, you are glue. Whatever you say to me....
Fallen Angel - SEE?!
Zed - SEE WHAT?!
Fallen Angel - GRRRRRR!!! Alright, just shut up and listen! The bottom line is this.
Zed - Please don't say those three words in the same sentence again.
Fallen Angel - The Bottom Line?
Zed - .....
Fallen Angel - Oh...right. Anyway, it all boils down to this. You beat me fair and square on Tuesday. There's no doubting it. You hit me with your finishing move, you covered me, and you pinned me for the one-two-three. You can't sit here and argue that I should've won the match when you clearly won the match damn near effortlessly. You beat me, fair and square, and now all I want you to do is acknowledge it, because you can't sit here and argue with me when you know I'm right.
Zed - ....uhhh.....
[ Zed points to something behind Fallen Angel. ]
Zed - LOOK!!! WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?!!?!?
[ Fallen Angel turns around and looks. ]
Zed - Run Santoro!
[ Zed and Santoro both sprint away from Fallen Angel as fast as they can. ]
Fallen Angel - I don't see anything. Am I supposed to be looking for something in particular? C'mon Zed, what were you pointing at? Zed? Zed? ZED?
[ Fallen Angel finally turns around and sees Zed and Santoro running down the hall. ]
Fallen Angel - WHAT?! OH NO YOU DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[ Fallen Angel darts after Zed. As Zed and Santoro near the end of the hall none other than Rachel Stevens opens up the end doors and nails Zed right in the face. ]
Zed - AWWWWWW SHITTTT!!!!!!!!! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!
[ Zed collapses to the ground as Santoro turns around and sees Fallen Angel running full speed at the two of them. ]
Rachel Stevens - Oh shit, I'm out of here.
[ Rachel leaps back through the doors and shuts them before Santoro can exit with her. ]
Santoro - RACHEL!! HELP!!!
[ Fallen Angel, seeing that Zed is incapacitated slows down and merely bumps into Santoro with his shoulder. ]
Santoro - GOD NO!!!
[ Santoro flies to the ground and begins sobbing in pain. ]
Fallen Angel - ....dude...are you okay...?
[ Santoro lies motionless. Fallen Angel then looks at Zed, who is trying to crawl away. ]
Fallen Angel - Get back here you little troll!
Zed - Troll?
[ Fallen Angel grabs Zed's foot and begins dragging him down the hall. ]
Zed - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Fallen Angel - Admit you're better!
Zed - NEVER!
[ Zed jumps to his feet and pokes Fallen Angel in the eyes. ]
Zed - Take that!
Fallen Angel - You son of a bitch...
[ Fallen Angel grabs Zed's head and punches him in the temple as hard as he can. Zed goes flying backwards and nails his back on the wall. Zed buckles over and Fallen Angel begins kneeing him in the head. ]
Zed - Ow.
[ Knee to the head. ]
Zed - Ow.
[ Knee to the head. ]
Zed - Ow.
[ Knee to the head. ]
Zed - Ow.
[ Fallen Angel stops. ]
Zed - Ow.
Fallen Angel - ......
[ Fallen Angel throws Zed to the ground and stands over him. ]
Fallen Angel - It's quite apparent that you're not willing to admit you're better than I am.
Zed - Hey, who's standing and who's not?
[ Fallen Angel thinks for a second, then kicks Zed in the rib. ]
Fallen Angel - Shut up, I'm trying to make a point.
Zed - Listen, the only way we're going to be able to settle this is if we wrestle again.
Fallen Angel - Good idea....howabout tonight?
Zed - ...I am in an unholy amount of throbbing pain...but I guess we could wrestle tonight if you really wanted to.
Fallen Angel - Well, I do.
Zed - Fine, later tonight, me vs. you.
Fallen Angel - What kind of match?
Zed - Cage match?
Fallen Angel - Okay, fine.
Zed - Good.
Fallen Angel - Great.
Zed - Well alright.
Fallen Angel - Right.
Zed - Good.
Fallen Angel - Great.
[ Fallen Angel steps over Zed and then over Santoro, and leaves. Zed slowly crawls over toward Santoro. ]
Zed - You pussy, get up.
Santoro - ...I'm....hurt...you....get....up...
Zed - Dude, I just got pummeled and you're the one complaining? You suck you know?
Santoro - ....Yes, I know.
Zed - Well as long as you know....
[ With that said, the two of them lie there motionless, trying to gain energy until the time comes for Zed's match later in the night... ]
Backstage... [ We are brought to the Regulators locker room door, which is wide open. The camera man begins to walk in, to find the locker room torn apart! Tables are broken, chairs are dented... and most importantly, The Regulators are out cold in the middle of the room. Their tag team titles are nowhere to be seen. ]
The Informer - MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED?!?! WHO DID THIS?!?!?! FANS, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!!!!!!!!
[ The screen fades to black.... ]
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Backstage... [ Heat comes back on the air to see The Regulators being carried away on two stretchers... ]
The Informer - Welcome back to Heat folks, and I'm wondering... who the hell did this?!
Vic Canon - I have no clue, Informer.... but whoever did it did a good job!
Eddie Sensation - Use your head! Da BJ Boyz are pissed off about what happened at the PPV... it was them!
The Informer - That's a possibility... who knows... hopefully we'll find out who did this later in the night...
Vic Canon - All you have to do is look for those Tag Titles!
Interview with Arthryn [ The crowd is still pumped from the events that just occured, when suddenly...an electric guitar pumps a chord or two. Joe Perry electrifies the crowd as "Hangman Jury" by Aerosmith blares over the PA system, as Arthryn steps from out of the curtain. Not a very friendly reminder is given to Arthryn from the crowd, who are booing their life's away as he makes his way down the ramp. Wearing unusual attire, as he's dressed in street clothing and a pair of shades, he removes them and looks very serious as he's about to speak ]
Arthryn - Quite honestly, I don't give a fuck if you like me or not, but tonight I have something to say, and I will say it so people all around the world understand what's going on. So shut the fuck up for a moment.
[ The crowd breaks into an "Arthryn sucks" chant. Very unusal from Arthryn, he seems so focused, he doesn't pay attention to the crowd ]
Arthryn - 85 days. 80 fucking 5 days. June 6th, 2000. That's where it all began. My rise to the top. Although some may question my standing in the EWA in terms of how close I am to the top or whatnot, that was a highlight in my career. Why? Because it's every wrestler's dream to come to the big leagues, and make it...with some gold around his waist. Either that, or get to score a REALLY FUCKING hot girl. I've had the gold around my waist. That did it for me. That really made my day, and my career for that matter. And although I really don't give a fuck, you must be wondering what am I getting to...it's quite simple. Out of respect for a man, out of respect for the business, and out of respect for the fans, sometimes you get to a point where you're asked to do something that for some reason it feels wrong. But you do it. Why? Because it is pointless not to do it, really. Well, last week on heat, I got to that point. Do you think I was satisfied with 85 days? Not really. I wanted more. I wanted that gold for more time. 'Cause it was mine. It's mine. I lost that title to Vince. I loved that title, man. It may seem I'm whining, but I'm giving you the shit that nobody else will.
[ The crowd's totally silent as Arthryn's thoughts are flowing through his lips, and touching each and every fan's soul ]
Arthryn - When I lost the title, he said "I want that title...I was the originator of that title. I want to hold it." Those weren't the exact words, but you know what I mean. Out of respect, sometimes you do some things that you then regret. IN FUCKING LESS THAN A WEEK, the title is up for grabs in a tournament. Vinny D. You know I've got the respect for you coming out of my socks. I respect you. But quite honestly, you deserve a good ol' "You fucked up" chant. Cause my friend, in my eyes, YOU FUCKED UP. And if the marks wanna give me heat for my words, then do it. And if anyone else wants to give me heat, then do it. 'Cause I am Arthryn. And as you all know, Arthryn just does NOT...GIVE...A FUCK!
[ Arthryn drops the mic, as the crowd is in awe. As he makes his way up the ramp, the crowd's heard murmuring amongst themselves. Before going through the curtains, he turns around, and faces the crowd ]
Arthryn - Oh and by the way...Phoenix, Arizona...
[ Arthryn cocks his head a bit, looking at the ceiling. Shutting his eyes, and with full emotion, he continues ]
Arthryn - HOW ABOUT YOU ALL SUCK ON THIS?
[ His music plays, his lips turn into a smile. And as the crowd goes back to booing him, he just smiles and waves goodbye ]
Pre-Match Interview with Don Michaels [ Rachel Stevens EWA personality extraordinnare walks down the a hallway, with a smile on her face and an extra bit of pep in her step. Why? What could make the most miserable woman in the EWA smile. A visit to Don Michaels dressing room that's what. ]
Rachel Stevens - Mr. Michaels
Don Michaels - Rachael, as always it's a pleasure to see you.
[ Michaels winks at Rachael Stevens and gently kisses her hand. ]
Rachel Stevens - Why thank you Don. You're on of the few people in this orginization that knows how to treat a lady.
Don Michaels - Well I have a couple of questions for you. Who am I wrestling tonight? What kind of match is it? And how damn good do I look in these shades?
[ Rachael giggles ]
Don Michaels - And be honest babe.
Rachel Stevens - Well, The Informer has booked you against MMG, Jumping Jimmy Swanson, and GI Bro in a handicapped elimination match. And you look pretty damn fine in anything Don!
[ Despite Rachaels compliment, Michaels looks grimaces. It's almost as if he had bitten into a rotten hamburger, or imbided sour milk. ]
Don Michaels - MMG, GI Bro and Jimmy Swanson.....that's it!?!?! How the heck am I supposed to show the world my true talents when I matched up against three men who are even more talentless than Lorenzo Hayes. Darnit Rachel I told the informer to get me a match, and give me some air-time, and he screws it up by pitting an incomparable talent like mine, against a trio of winless no-names! Informer, you screwed up royally. If I weren't a civilized sports entertainer I would come down to ringside and.......But no matter, I'll just have to be that much more innovative, that much more entertaining to make this match watchable.
Rachel Stevens - If anyone can do it Don, you can. I know you can!
Don Michaels - You know what, you're right Rachael. If the Republican National Party can turn a blowjob into treason, if Mahatma Ghandi can turn starvation into freedom for his people, if Jesus can turn water into wine, if LORENZO HAYES can turn the locker room whore Dominique Toto into a house wife: then The $uperstar Don Michaels can certainly make this an entertaining match!
Rachel Stevens - The only question is how would you do that Don?
Don Michaels - Simple, I'll have to change the stipulations!
Rachel Stevens - But the match has already been signed.
Don Michaels - Yes, but Stone is a smart man, he knows that Don Michaels = Ratings! He'll applaud every stip I add, every move I make! This match is no longer a Handicapped Elimination match, it's a Handicapped One Hand Tied Behind My Back, Don Michaels fan club, Elimination Match!
[ Rachael Stevens is now completely confused. ]
Rachel Stevens - What?
Don Michaels - You heard me right Rachel, I'm going to take all three of those nameless punks out, with one hand tied behind my back, and then "induct" them one by one into the Don Michaels fan club!
[ A loud rumbling noise emanates from the hallway, Rachael pokes her head out to find out what the commotion is all about, and watches as The Paparazzi push a solid gold dumpster down the hallway. Etched in silver on the lid reads: The official Don Michaels Fan Club! ]
Rachel Stevens - Very interesting stipulations Don. But you might be going overboard just a bit.
Don Michaels - What, you don't think I can handle those guys Rachel? Do you doubt The $uperstar?
[ Rachel thinks for a moment, a myriad of outcomes and possibilities fly by in her head, all pertaining to the match at hand. But despite all the outcomes, all the possible conclusions, only one makes sense: Don Michaels' victory. ]
Rachel Stevens - No I don't.
Don Michaels - Good!
Rachel Stevens - Well, that was The $uperstar, now back to you guys at ringside!
Elimination Rules Match
Don Michaels vs. MMG, Jimmy Swanson & GI BroChris Myers - This next match is a special Elimination Rules Match!
[ The EWA Jobber Theme blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... at a total combined weight of pounds, representing the EWA Jobbers... MMG, Jimmy Swanson & GI Bro!
[ MMG, Jimmy Swanson & GI Bro step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
[ "My Way" by Frank Sinatra blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And their opponent... accompanied to the ring by Jeanine Trujillo, standing 6'3" and weighing in at 249 pounds, from Brooklyn, New York, "The $uperstar" Don Michaels!
[ Jeanine Trujillo and "The $uperstar" Don Michaels step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
The Informer - Don Michaels slides into the ring, and is met by all three jobbers! There's the bell!
Vic Canon - Michaels kicks Swanson and GI Bro in the gut.... DOUBLE DDT!!!!! Michaels gets up... MMG charges at him! $UPERKICK!!! THE $UPERKICK!!!
Eddie Sensation - DAMN!!! MMG's neck could be broken!
The Informer - Michaels goes for the cover on MMG.... 1..... 2.... 3!!!
Chris Myers - MMG has been eliminated!
Vic Canon - And Michaels is already done with one EWA Jobber! Two left!
Eddie Sensation - They wont last long.
The Informer - Michaels grabs Jimmy Swanson, and applies "The Brooklyn Bridge"!!! LOOK OUT!! GI Bro nails Michaels from behind!
Vic Canon - But it had no effect on Michaels! He just turned around, and now he has GI Bro by the neck! He kicks him in the gut... lets go of his neck....
Eddie Sensation - WHAM! PILEDRIVER!!!!!!!
The Informer - And now Don Michaels climbs to the top rope! Both Jimmy Swanson and GI Bro are getting to their feet! Michaels waits for both of them.....
Vic Canon - They're up! He jumps! WHAM!!!! DOUBLE DIRECTORS CUT!!!! Both Jimmy Swanson and GI Bro go down!
Eddie Sensation - Don Michaels goes for the pin on Jimmy Swanson! The ref counts.... 1.... 2.... 3!
Chris Myers - Jimmy Swanson has been eliminated!
The Informer - And this leaves only Don Michaels and GI Bro!
Vic Canon - Run you worthless peice of junk, run!
Eddie Sensation - Are you talking to Michaels or GI Bro?
Vic Canon - GI Bro, obviously...
The Informer - GI Bro now see's that he's alone... and he runs into the corner! He's got his head buried in the tournbuckle! He might be crying over there!
Eddie Sensation - Michaels grabs him from behind... WHAM!!! INVERTED DDT!!!!!
The Informer - Ouch. That's the end of GI Bro! No! Michaels isnt done with him! He picks him up to his feet, and signals to the crowd!
Vic Canon - WHAM!!!!!!! THE AUTOGRAPH!!!!!!!! HE NAILED IT!!!!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - He goes for the cover.... 1.... 2..... 3!!!
Chris Myers - GI Bro has been eliminated! Therefore, the winner of this match... "The $uperstar" Don Michaels!
The Informer - What an easy fought victory for "The $uperstar"! How that could have been a handicapped match is beyond me! Michaels dominated throughout the match!
Vic Canon - He sure showed Lorenzo Hayes that he could still wrestle!
Eddie Sensation - Don Michaels is a great wrestler he sure showed that he ain't no push over!
[ Suddenly all the lights go out in the arena. ]
[ A voice is heard. ]
Lights The Informer - All the lights in the arena have gone off! And Don Michaels is still in the middle of the ring celebrating!
[ A spotlight then shines out of nowhere onto Don Michaels. ]
Vic Canon - LOOK THERE IS A SPOTLIGHT ON DON MICHAELS!
Eddie Sensation - Don has a puzzled look on his face! But then again Don usually will do anything to get into the spotlight!
[ The same voice is heard again. ]
Camera [ A camera then focuses in on the face of Don Michaels. Who is now getting somewhat paranoid. ]
The Informer - Look at Don Michaels face on the EWA Big Scree, it looks like he just took a dump in his pants!
Vic Canon - This has got to be the revenge that Lorenzo Hayes has had plotted against Don Michaels for quite a while!
[ The voice once again comes onto the speakers. ]
ACTION [ Suddenly Lorenzo Hayes jumps out of the crowd and sneaks up behind Don Michaels. ]
Eddie Sensation - Don, behind you!
The Informer - It's too late!
[ Lorenzo Hayes turns Don around and before Don can react; Lorenzo kicks him in the gut and nails ShowTime! ]
Vic Canon - SHOWTIME! SHOWTIME!
Eddie Sensation - Lorenzo Hayes has a mic!
Lorenzo Hayes - "IT'S SHOWTIME!" What Don? Don't you like revenge? Besides you usually will do anything to get on camera, so I decided to do you a favor!
[ Lorenzo picks Don Michaels up to his feet and signals for another ShowTime. ]
The Informer - Listen to the crowd they want to see another ShowTime on "The $uperstar"! And you know what so do I!
[ Suddenly Don Michaels goons "The Paparazzi" hit the ring and make the save, as Lorenzo Hayes let's Michaels go. ]
Vic Canon - Damn the Paparazzi! Let Don fight his own war! And look at Don Michaels he is running up the entrance ramp! While Lorenzo Hayes is in the ring battling the paparazzi!
Eddie Sensation - Goddamn Don Michaels is a pussy!
The Informer - Look at Lorenzo Hayes, he has fought off 4 people!
Vic Canon - And look, The Paparazzi are running to the back!
Eddie Sensation - Lorenzo Hayes is furious!
Lorenzo Hayes - Don I'm sick and tired of you running away and getting you're lackey's to try and stop me! So how about next week Lorenzo Hayes the one-man wrecking crew, "ThE kInG oF gLiTz AnD gLaMoUr", takes on all four of your lackey's and if I win they are gone from the ewa! You can't say no Don, I mean you must have some sort of faith in your ass kissing buddies, come on it's four against one! Well get back to me if your boys are up to it!
[ Lorenzo drops the mic and walks to the back. ]
The Informer - Well the challenge has been put out, but we have to go to a commercial break! Dont go anywhere!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Backstage... [ The EWA video comes back on showing Madman walking to his limo carrying his bags over his shoulder, still limping a little bit after last week's incident. ]
The Informer - Well Madman's leaving the building after that hard fought match. I wonder how he's still on his feet after all the blows to his head and body.
Eddie Sensation - Who cares! The sooner he leaves the better!
[ Suddenly a loud scream echoes in the lot and Creed runs up behind Madman and hits him with a leg from the table he was EdgeCrushed through earlier. ]
Vic Canon - OH!! MADMAN'S BEING JUMPED FROM BEHIND AND ATTACKED LIKE--
The Informer - Like a one legged slave caught escaping it's master!
Eddie Sensation - You're damn right Creed is Mad's master! HA HA!!
[ Creed picks up Madman's bags and dumps them out all over him, and then kicks him in his ribs. ]
The Informer - HE'S JUST LAYED OUT MADMAN!
Eddie Sensation - He isn't done with him yet though!
[ Creed then picks up Madman and sky-high's him on the trunk of the limo. ]
Jonathan Creed - Take that you sorry son of a piece of shit! Never humiliate me again! [Spits in Madman's face]
"Sticks and Stones" [ As has become the custom, the arena goes into total darkness as the EWA video screen flickers to life once again displaying a message...... ]
We can't forget, you always get what you give....... "You Always Get What You Give" - New Radicals "Ya know, the EWA has given me nothing but a god damned headache since Rock the Boat... So it looks like it's time that I give back to the EWA.... and trust me I will, in........." [ The familiar movie countdown of Ethan Tyler begins, with the film slowly metling away. ]
5.....
4....
3...
2..
1.[ Two large pyro bombs come screeching from across the arena and meet at the entrance in a huge explosion.... At that point "Rocket Science" by The Pimps plays as the arena fills up with boos.... Out from the back steps Ethan Tyler with a bottle of JD in his left and a baseball bat in his right... He takes a drink from the bottle, throws it up into the air, takes a big swing with the bat and breaks the bottle all over the entrance ramp. He wipes his mouth off and walks to the ring with the bat swinging menacingly at his side. Tyler steps into the ring, takes a mic out of his sweatshirt pocket and props the bat on his shoulder. ]
Ethan Tyler - I'm confident that all of you here have an intelligence level that is high enough to understand good old fashioned nursery rhymes.
[ Boos flow through the crowd as Ethan thrives on it and stays very collected. ]
Ethan Tyler - For everyone who has wondered what Sticks and Stones is, let me take you back, back to a time where you were allowed milk, cookies, and naps during school... A time where you were learning the alphabet and just meeting those people you'd spend the rest of your scholarly lives with..... For all of you still too stupid to figure out what I'm talking about, let me put it in plain english.... Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but names will never harm me.....
The Informer - What the hell does Tyler mean by all this?
Vic Canon - I only know Ethan is up to one thing....
Eddie Sensation - What's that?
Vic Canon - No good.
Ethan Tyler - I'm tired of everyone using names in this place. Everyone's talking smack but no one's doing anything about it. I'm sick of having people sit in the back and have a god damn gabfest like this is The Fucking View. Welp folks, this show is cancelled and we're gonna settle things like before, in the ring. Let me tell you people what sticks and stones is really about. Sticks and Stones is not about me coming out here and talking your god damn ear off....
The Informer - Thank God!
Ethan Tyler - Sticks and Stones is an open challenge..... With only one rule... The only way to win is not by count out, not by DQ, not by submission.... and not by pinfall. The only way to win a Sticks and Stones match is by using your most deep down hatred, your last ounce of courage, you must use EVERY SINGLE FUCKING OUNCE OF BRAVERY YOUR BODY CAN EEK OUT to break a bone of your opponent's.... Could be a leg, neck or even a finger bone... You just got to do it. So right now I'm telling anyone and everyone in the back to come out and see if you have the balls to break me or have the balls to be willing to be broken.... I'm waiting!
[ Tyler throws down the mic and waits in the ring ]
The Informer - Who will step up and take the challenge from this nutcase?
Vic Canon - Personally, I don't think anyone wants to. No one gives enough of a crap about Ethan to bother!
Eddie Sensation - Why don't you get in there Vic?
Vic Canon - Shut up Eddie.....
[ Tyler picks up the mic in fury and lunges himself up on the second rope and leans out towards the aisleway. ]
Ethan Tyler - COME ON YOU COWARDLY FUCKS! GET AWAY FROM YOUR GOD DAMN MICS AND PROVE YOURSELVES AS REAL WRESTLERS! SOME SON OF A BITCH BETTER GET HIS PANTIES WEARING ASS OUT HERE NOW! AND BY NOW I MEAN RIGHT THIS GOD DAMNED SECOND!
[ Tyler throws down the mic and is breathing like a wild animal. Suddenly, someone decides to accept the challenge..... ]
[ "Who Let the Dogs Out" by Baha Men plays as Moochie storms out to the ring. ]
Vic Canon - MOOCHIE!? WHY IS MOOCHIE OUT HERE!?
The Informer - I think he got pissed off by Tyler's ramblings. This is not the fun Moochie anymore, he's serious guys.
Vic Canon - Moochie runs to the top turnbuckle and nails a plancha on Tyler! Moochie is going for the win already! Pulling back on the arm of Tyler.
The Informer - Way too early for Moochie to go for the arm bar. Tyler is too fired up. Moochie is hammering away on Tyler's skull and backs him into the corner. Moochie with a head full of steam and Tyler flips him to the outside!
Eddie Sensation - But Moochie catches himself on the apron, Moochie now to the top rope!
The Informer - Ethan Tyler turns around and sees Moochie perched up top! He throws Moochie right off the top rope! Tyler kicks away at Moochie. Tyler with the headlock and he jams a thumb into Moochie's eye!
Eddie Sensation - Moochie is blinded now and Tyler with a swinging neckbreaker!
Vic Canon - Moochie is down and Tyler is making his way over to us! What's he want??
[ Tyler grabs a headset off of Canon ]
Ethan Tyler - I hope that I don't screw up this piledriver....
The Informer - Screw it up? Oh my god.....
Eddie Sensation - He's gonna break his neck!
Vic Canon - I hate that ass! He now sets up Moochie for a piledriver guys, this could be huge!
The Informer - If only you knew Vic.. If only you knew.... Moochie is up and...he's got his legs wrapped around Tyler's throat! He's choking him out! Moochie converts it into a hurrincanrana! Wow!
Vic Canon - Moochie with the upper hand and he drags Tyler to the corner.... Inverted Tornado DDT! He hit it! Moochie now goes outside the ring and has a chair! Tyler is out in the ring and Moochie climbs back in. He's got the chair up high in the air.
The Informer - Moochie brings it down and Tyler barely gets his fingers out of the way! Moochie tried to break them with that chair! Damn Tyler! Moochie swings the chair and connects to Tyler's gut... Moochie sets Tyler's ankle in the chair and he's going up top....This is the end! The match is over!
Eddie Sensation - Moochie jumps and NO! Tyler gets his foot up and shoves the chair down Moochie's throat! Moochie is hurt and Ethan is screaming in pain! His ankle is broken! Ring the bell, this match is over!
The Informer - Wait a second! Tyler is back up on his feet, I don't think he'd be able to do that with a broken ankle!
Vic Canon - As much as I hate to say it, The Informer is right.... Tyler is up and around. But he's lacking sense, he's still got that chair on his foot.
Eddie Sensation - That right there is why Informer! He just kicked it right into Moochie! Tyler now throws the chair off his foot and has the leg of Moochie locked up.
Vic Canon - Ethan Tyler is going to snap Moochie's ankle in half. Look at him wrench away on it! Moochie has nothing to do but wait for the end.
The Informer - Moochie is just laying there, squirming in pain but he can't do anything at all. Wait a minute, Moochie's reaching for that chair Tyler had earlier and he has it!
Eddie Sensation - WHAMMO! Moochie just threw that chair right into Tyler's head! Tyler flops out and Moochie is laying there, buying time!
Vic Canon - Moochie is back up and he's set the chair up in the ring. Moochie now waiting for Tyler to get back to his feet.... Tyler has staggered back up and Moochie runs off the ropes and catapults himself into the air! Tyler stops him, Tyler setting him up.
The Informer - THE HANGOVER! GOOD GOD! Moochie was just plastered headfirst right into the mat! He is OUT.
Eddie Sensation - Tyler licking his chops, he knows that the match is his... This guy sucks!
The Informer - Tyler now drags Moochie and is leaving him hanging halfway out the ring... What's he doing?? Tyler now standing outside on the apron over Moochie's dangling.... arm...... don't tell me.
Vic Canon - NO NO NO NO NO NO! OH MY GOD! Ethan Tyler ran and leaped up and dropped that chair and his leg on the draping arm of Moochie!
Eddie Sensation - DID YOU HEAR THAT SNAP!
Chris Myers - And the winner... Ethan Tyler!
The Informer - It brought Moochie back to life as he's holding that arm... that was sick....... There's the bell, Ethan Tyler has won this match, unfortunately....
Vic Canon - Tyler continues a vicious beatdown on Moochie now, what the hell is this guy's problem?
[ Suddenly, Cody Covington slowly makes his way to the ring. Tyler hears the cheers and stops beating on Moochie. Covington slides into the ring and stares at Tyler. ]
The Informer - Staredown..... No one is budging........ Not even a single fan is moving...... Tyler scratches his chin and is slowly backing away... Tyler has turned around and is leaving the ring! Covington is checking on Moochie....
WHAM [ The entire arena is silent except for the chair cracking across the back of Cody Covington. Tyler stands over Covington and breathes heavily... Cody doesn't move for seconds which feel like hours..... Finally Covington gets up and hammers Tyler in the face as the arena blows up in cheers ]
Vic Canon - FINALLY! SOMEONE IS STANDING UP TO ETHAN TYLER! COVINGTON IS THROWING LEFTS AND RIGHTS! HE'S BEATING THE UNHOLY HELL OUT OF TYLER! HE SETS HIM UP NOW.... YES YES! CLEARLY CRIPPLING ON THE CHAIR!
The Informer - This place has gone NUTS!!! Here comes Nomad and Serial Thrylla! Covington is out of the ring and going through the crowd, not even looking back at Tyler! Thrylla and Nomad are now checking on Tyler!
Vic Canon - This is nuts! Tyler is out, Moochie is out! We've got to go to a commercial!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Backstage... [ Nomad and Serial Thrylla are helping Ethan Tyler into the back. Ethan, a bit woozy, is pissed off. ]
Ethan Tyler - I'm gonna find that son of a bitch, even if it takes all night... and when I find him, he's gonna wish he never looked at a ring.
Nomad - We'll slit that fuck bucket's throat like he was a little piggy in a butcher shop......
Serial Thrylla - Hahahahaaaaaa! HOMICIDE!
[ The three men head off in search of Cody Covington. ]
The Informer - This does not look good for C4 folks.... Not good at all....
Interview with Crisqo [ The lights dim ]
Oooh
[ 5 is on the screen ]Oooooooh...
[ 4 is on the screen ]Ooh
[ 3 is on the screen ]Oooooh
[ 2 is on the screen ]Ooooh
[ 1 is on the screen ]Ooooooh yes, I'm coming!
"What'll we get for ten dollars?
Every 'ting you want
Everything?
Every'ting
Ooh! Don't do that, baby! Ahh!
Hold on this! Oh, sock it to me! Aaahh!
Ooohh!Ahh, Me so horny!
Me love you long time!"[ Crisqo and Adam Thurgood walk out. Crisqo is in a Baltimore Ravens jersey. Both men get to the ring and Thurgood gets a mic. ]
Adam Thurgood - Phoenix, Arizona.. The temperature just rose 20 degrees because the man with the heat, The man whose penis and fucking skills wore down Anna Kournikova, The One Man Sex Machine, Crrrrrrrrrrisqo!
[ The crowd boos ]
Adam Thurgood - Now.. since the One Man Sex Machine is too big for people like Al Giantgee and Hoochie, he won't be your North American Champion. As you see, North Americans aren't endowed. Crisqo is packed and jacked down there, or so he told me.
[ Thurgood stops for a moment. ]
Adam Thurgood - People like to ask me, "What is your goal with Crisqo in the EWA?" His goal in the EWA is going to the top. When you think main eventers, you think Chandler, Serial Thrylla, Thorn and Crisqo. In fact, Crisqo will break his silence tonight. Crisqo, the floor is yours.
[ Thurgood hands the mic to Crisqo. ]
Crisqo - Dank ya' Mr. Durbaad... ah' am hono'ed ta be in de EWA wid so's many biotches.
[ Silence fills the arena. ]
Crisqo - Yes, mah' cock be very big. Dat be true. What it is, Mama! ah' am such some sex machine in bed, biotch. When ah' see sucka's likes Clayton Chandler, ah' know dat dey are some bunch uh honky bitches dat neva' went on de streets fo' one day in deir lifes. Syracuse? Shrevepo't? Po'tland? Reeeal bad ass towns dey mosey on down from. 'S coo', bro. I's gots'ta be some big man, ah' am some big punisha' in de rin' and in de bedroom. 'S coo', bro. ah' smoke da damn chronic and ah' kick asses.
[ Crisqo smiles for a moment. ]
Crisqo - You's duzn't be seein' too much smilin' fum me cuz' I'll be busy fuckin' de hoes and kickin' asses in de rin'. ah' am Crisqo cuz' I'm baked so's much and ah' gots'ta toast all uh dem honky whitey suckas in de EWA.
[ Crisqo pauses. ]
Crisqo - Now, when ah' dink about Phoenix, ah' dink about Phoenix bein' some bunch uh honkies dat gots' Confederate Flags on deir cars and deir mamas wid one uh my broders.
[ Crisqo stops for a moment ]
Crisqo - I know dere be one guy fum Phoenix dat kin defend his broders uh de soud. Scott No'wood, de fo'ma' Bills field goal kicka' is now some wrestla' from Phoenix. No'wood, yo' damn foot cost me 30 bucks on some bet. No'wood, I'm gonna kick yo' ass cuz' ya' are stupid, ugly, fum Arizona and listen t'Falco.
[ Crisqo smirks. ]
Crisqo - No'wood, afta' I whup' yo' ass, I'm gonna find yo' honky chicks and show ha' whut some real dude feels likes. You are just a biotch and if it starts in your backyard, I will squash yo' ass in Phoenix because I will Crisqo-ize ya biotch.
[ Crisqo and Thurgood leave. ]
Backstage... [ Out of nowhere Da BJ BOYZ with Scott Sanders barge into Tom Stone. He is startled at first... but now obviously angry. Adam and Brian have title belts of some sort around their wastes. They sit down in the two seats in front of Tom's desk as Sanders leans against the door with his arms crossed. Tom finishes off scribbling something down on a piece of paper and looks up at the two... ]
Tom Stone - What do you want?
Brian Kress - We want... OUT!
Tom Stone - Out of what?!
Brian Kress - Out of our EWA contracts...
Tom Stone - Quit joking around... I have business to attend to.
Brian Kress - Joking?? This is serious Tom. I have been doing research on the EWA and have come to the conclusion that EVERY referee is crooked! Why else did we lose to the Regulators at Rock The Boat?? Those damn refs! They pick favorites... and they even GAMBLE! Yes Tom, its true! They bet on the matches... and make their 'pick' win the match! Its all obvious now! There is no other explanation WHY The Regulators won! They even went so low as to bringing some 'HELP' in the form of the eighties sensation, The Mountie. Now its evident that the two men needed help... they were going against the best tag team in the world... but using a taser?! What is that Adam?!
Adam Kress - That is DISGUSTING! That is DOWN RIGHT DIRTY! Total DESECRATION of the sport itself!
Brian Kress - Exactly! And we don't need that kind of pressure! Tom... you want to know what Vic Canon did yesterday??
Tom Stone - What?
Brian Kress - He OFFERED me a cup of coffee!
Tom Stone - Are you insane?! What's wrong with that?!
Adam Kress - What's wrong with rape?! TOM STONE! YOUR IN ON IT TOO!!
Tom Stone - What the hell are you talking about?!
Brian Kress - I couldn't turn Canon down, I knew how much it meant to him to get coffee for me. But I kept my eye on him... he slipped a pill into my coffee cup! What is that Adam?!
Adam Kress - That is AWFUL! That is ATROCIOUS! That is AGRICULTURE WRONGNESS!
Brian Kress - Two out of three ain't bad! And then, the cocky son of a bitch winks at me and tells me he put two 'cubes' into my coffee! Can you believe that?!
Tom Stone - My God... get the hell out of my office!
Adam Kress - Leave?!? LEAVE?!? You're telling us to leave when Vic Cannon is running around backstage trying to give your employees the date rape drug for Christs sake!!!
Brian Kress - If we walk out of this room, you will NEVER see us again Tom! I wouldn't do that if I were you seeing how there is basically NO tag team competition what so ever! We ARE your tag team competition! You should be begging at our feet right now! Because... I got myself a lawyer. A man that will take your company... and make it BANKRUPT! Lets see what's going on here Tom... your wrestling promotion is filled with whores, illegal aliens, drugs, rapists, grunting child molesters, nude colonies, homosexual tendencies, and what would a wrestling federation be without steroids?! You know how hard it is for Scott Sanders to deal with that issue?! You know what kind of stress is put on my lawyer, Scott Sanders?! Tell em Scotty...
Scott Sanders - Normally I take a shower after the Kress Brothers are in action. Do I really need to? No, but it puts me in that mood! The mood that I actually made a difference in their matches! Its great! So I get undressed and I walk into the showers. Its horrible in there... hair is clogging up the drains, soap is bitten, and flies are everywhere. But the worst thing of all is the shrunken penis! I'm not gay, but when I come out of the showers... all the men play around and snap their towels at each other. And I am reduced to look at their small rotten steroid penis. They are about two inches, and flop up and down when they jump... its been giving me nightmares for weeks! How could they do such a thing to their sex organs?! Especially the African Americans... they have monstrous, throbbing, COCKS... but with steroid use... they look like Vienna sausages. It just doesn't make any sense...
[ Scott Sanders shakes his head while the three other people just give him a dirty look.... ]
Adam Kress - We've heard enough... we really feel bad for you... so just go wait OUTSIDE you damn meat gazer!!
[ The Losing Legend lowers his head and leaves the room... ]
Brian Kress - Now as I was saying before we had to hear about the shrunken penis... we are tag team champions elsewhere, and no longer need this bullshit. Its been a pleasure working for you, but we can no longer continue with such a biased, crooked, gambling staff. Its not working conditions... what is it Adam?!
Adam Kress - That is UNFAIR! That is UNWORKABLE! That is UNNECESSARY!
Tom Stone - And this is the biggest waste of time ALL NIGHT! I'm sorry, but you guys can't get just get up and leave... you signed multiyear contracts, REMEMBER?! And you have no proof against me, or any of my staff members. So quit being petty and leave me alone....
Adam Kress - This is TERRIBLE! This is a TRAVESTY! This is TESTICULAR! Wait... sorry. No, it isn't...
Brian Kress - You'll hear from our lawyers! We won't rest until their are small African Americans running this show you racist swine! And until your behind bars!!
Adam Kress - Yeah, you Canadian Booty Licker!!
Brian Kress - You dirty FREAK!
Adam Kress - You limp dick FAGGOT!
Brian Kress - You cock sucking fudge packer!
Adam Kress - PICKLE DICK!
Brian Kress - You PIMP! YOU...
[ Tom Stone slides the one end of his pen off to reveal a knife. He jumps up from his seat and chases the brothers out of his office with it. He locks the door, and walks back to his chair in relief. A loud pounding can be heard on his door then two voices screaming things from the other side... ]
Brian Kress - Don't worry Tom! We will show you how powerful we are next week... we are no longer spiritually contracted to the EWA! And our asses are no longer on the market to be sold and tenderized you nasty human being!
Adam Kress - Yeah Tom, I bet your ratings go up when the new name of Tuesday Night HEAT is UniverSOUL Wrestling, featuring the talents of Jethroe, Tyrone, and the Amazing Jones Brothers.
[ Tom Stone laughs to himself, shrugs his shoulders... and continues with his work. ]
Pre-Match Interview with El GiGante [ Rob DiMarco is seen standing in front of the Tuesday Night Heat logo with a cordless microphone in hand. On the right of him is El GiGante and his bodyguard ZOOMER. ]
Rob DiMarco - I'm standing here right now with the 1 contender for the Extreme Title. Mr. GiGante tonight you and Divine will square off against Tiki Tortez and Ethan Storm. Any comments?
El GiGante - Wait wait just one second there esa. Where's mah chica.
Rob DiMarco - Huh? Your chica?
El GiGante - Yeah esa Rachel Stevens. Ya know she likes me, right?
[ Out of no where DiMarco burst out laughing. GiGante stares at him and see's nothing funny.... ]
El GiGante - Whats so funny esa?
Rob DiMarco - Oh nothing really. I just thought of something....
El GiGante - Oh well, where is my chica?
Rob DiMarco - I don't know. But can we please get on with this interview, we don't have that much time.
El GiGante - Yeah, Yeah just go meng!
Rob DiMarco - All right.... Now as I was saying you and Divine will take on Tiki and Ethan Storm in a tag match tonight. Any comments?
El GiGante - Tonight meng I promise to you that me and that flammer will destroy those 2 pansy's. Tortez is nothing but s*it meng. I've said it from day one and tonight I'll show you all. ToTal Annihilation will hit someone tonight esa. Either it'll be that Storm or that wanna be extreme champ Tortez.
Rob DiMarco - Lately you've had a hard time winning here in the Extreme Wrestling Association. What do you have to say about that?
El GiGante - Yes I'm aware of that esa. Lately Tortez and his little butt buddies have screwed me over. And I proclaim tonight the night where I start of winning. No more losing for this MeXican. From now on you will see my arm getting raised in the air. So Tortez, you and those homo's better be prepared for El GiGante is on the prowl. Now how bout ya bank on that one brotha!
Rob DiMarco - There you have it.... Over to you Rachel!
Pre-Match Interview with Tiki Tortez & Ethan Storm [ The scene fades in to backstage of the arena. The hallways are packed with the staff and backstage crew. Moments later, a camera crew and Rachel Stevens steps up to the scene. She looks at her watch and mutters... ]
Rachel Stevens - Where the hell are they?
Cameraman - I'm not sure, they should be here by now.
[ Suddenly laughter is heard as "Tricky" Tiki Tortez and Ethan Storm step into view. They walk over to Rachel and the cameraman. ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [To Stevens] Hey...what's up sweetie.
Rachel Stevens - Get bent, you guys are like 5 minutes late!
Ethan Storm - Ah, I know you don't mean that, after all...we were just thinking which one of us would have you tonight.
Rachel Stevens - My pick would be neither of you. I don't go for you wrestlers. I've seen more brains come out of a camel.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - So what exactly did you and this camel...do?
Rachel Stevens - Oh shut the hell up and let's get this interview out of the way.
Ethan Storm - Only if we get something in return.
Rachel Stevens - How about a nice slap in the face if you don't get your mind on the match you are about to be in.
Ethan Storm - Move that slap down a bit and you've got yourself a deal!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Calm down there Rachel, we don't want any trouble...just you.
Rachel Stevens - Ok, enough of this it's time for some questions.
[ Pause ]
Rachel Stevens - What do you guys have against El Gigante and Divine?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Personally, El Gigante is just a big stupid bastard who has less brains than that camel you were talking about earlier. Divine on the other hand, well just the thought of him touching me in the ring makes me shiver. Those two are perfect idiots, and with them on the same side of the ring, this match shouldn't be a problem. Just think of it like this...you've got two of the best stars in the EWA facing off against some Mexican Moron and the faggot of the year.
Rachel Stevens - I beg to differ, El GiGante is a former Tag-Team Champion, and Divine is a 2 time Extreme Champion... and you mean to tell me that this is going to be a walkover?!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Take it away Storm...
Ethan Storm - Notice the word "former" in that sentence Rachel...I mean, for all we know, you could be a "former" stripper at the club down the street, but we wouldn't care, now would we?
Rachel Stevens - So, what you guys are saying is that Society X hates both of these guys?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [To Storm] I don't think she was paying attention to anything we just said.
[ Pause ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [Sarcastically] Yes Rachel, we don't like these scary people.
Ethan Storm - Man...I don't think she pays attention anywhere [Nudges Tiki]
Rachel Stevens - You guys are assholes, anyway, time for the next question. What are your goals for Society X? Obviously you guys are going somewhere with this.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Society X is the new era for the EWA girl. Don't you worry about us. We got everything under control, and eventually we will have the EWA "under control".
Rachel Stevens - Oh really?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Yeah really.
Rachel Stevens - Whatever...what's the deal with these rumors about a tag-team forming in Society X?
Ethan Storm - Actually Rach... I've been hearing some "other" rumors... actually involving you with the...now infamous camel!
Rachel Stevens - Drop the camel routine and answer my question! That is...unless of course, you are hiding something.
Ethan Storm - [Nervously] Okay, okay, okay... Rachel, how the hell can a tag-team not form in a stable?! I mean... are you a tit?! Tit! WHOOO!
Rachel Stevens - How dare you call me a tit!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - How about we call you a dyke?
Ethan Storm - A bitch?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - A slut?
Ethan Storm - A whore?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - A camel-humping, trash bag eating, lesbian?
Ethan Storm - Tiki...let's just leave it at a...whore who enjoys getting it one with ALL sorts of animals.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Yeah, that sounds about right.
Rachel Stevens - [Embarrassed] You guys are a couple of low-lifes...you know that? I'm surprised Tom Stone let you in this federation!
Ethan Storm - And I'm surprised the doctor didn't throw you back up your Mom when they saw your face.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Actually, there is no factual evidence that he DIDN'T do that Ethan. Her head does look a little deformed, kinda like someone "pushed" forcefully on it at an early age.
Rachel Stevens - Ok, I've had enough of this...if I weren't here under President Stone's direct consent, I would be gone right now. I have one more question. What is this special surprise that you guys are planning for tonight?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Don't worry, you will all see soon enough.
Rachel Stevens - That's all you got to say?
Ethan Storm - Well, it involves the referee position.
Rachel Stevens - What?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - That's all for now...as for Society X...we're out!
[ Tiki and Ethan smile to themselves as they exit the scene. Rachel Stevens has a disgusted look on her face as she looks back into the camera ]
Rachel Stevens - [Mumbles] Idiots...[Louder] Back to you Rob.
Pre-Match Interview with Divine Rob DiMarco - Right now I'm here with Divine who....what the hell??
[ Divine rides into the scene on a mighty white horse. ]
Rob DiMarco - ARE YOU CRAZY?!? YOU CANT BRING THAT IN HERE!!!
Divine - Watch me!!! Tonight my Mighty Steed will help me ride the victory!!! Tina Tortez and Ethan Hunt wont even know what happened by the time I'm done with them!!! YEE-HAW!!!!!
Rob DiMarco - Whoa!! Settle down for a second!! You're opponents are Tiki Tortez the Extreme Champion I might add, and Ethan STORM, not Hunt.
Divine - Oh yeah, Ethan Hunt is that hunk!! Ethan Storm has a saggy ass...
Rob DiMarco - But your partner is a man you're very familiar with, El GiGante. Can you trust him?
Divine - Can he trust me Rob??? CAN HE?!? HAHAHA!!! Sometimes, I dont even trust myself!! And believe me...you should never leave a guy like me alone with a horse...did you see the shlong on this bad boy?!?
Rob DiMarco - Disgusting...
Divine - And one last thing that might be a little off the subject...A new chapter in the EWA begins tonight? Well...Divine is going to make this entire chapter a must read for all homosexual men, because it shall culminate with the viscous, violent ass raping of Tom Stone...AT MY HANDS!!! HAHAHAHA!!! Come Lightning...WE RIDE!!!!
[ Divine rides down the hallway as Rob DiMarco looks around puzzled. ]
Rob DiMarco - What the hell?
Tag Team Match
Tiki Tortez & Ethan Storm vs. El GiGante & DivineChris Myers - Ladies and gentlemen, this next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Tag-Team Non-Title Match! Introducing first...
[ "Rap Superstar" by Cypress Hill hits the speakers. Moments later El Gigante steps out from behind the curtains and begins to walk toward the ring with Zoomer at his side. They step into the ring and begin to prepare for the upcoming match. ]
Chris Myers - ...accompanied to the ring by Zoomer, standing 5'10" and weighing in at 175 pounds, El Gigante!
[ The lights suddenly fade to black. Pink lighting fills the arena. All of a sudden "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred blasts across the arena. The man they call Divine steps out from behind the curtains and veers toward the ring. ]
Chris Myers - ...and his partner, standing 6'8" and weighing in at 325 pounds, the most controversial wrestler in EWA history... Divine!
[ BOOM ] [ The lights go out for a few moments. Suddenly the jumbo-tron flashes on. Static is heard then some numbers come into view. ]
3 2
1
0
...Beep...
[ A loud eruption is heard as "Break Out" by Foo Fighters hits the speakers. The fans give a loud array of boos as Society X comes down the aisle. ]
Chris Myers - ...and their opponents... accompanied to the ring by Christian Sein, weighing in at a total combined of 478 pounds... Society X members, the EWA Extreme Champion "Tricky" Tiki Tortez and Ethan Storm!
Vic Canon - Wait a minute, what is the deal with this? Why is Christian Sein coming down the aisle?
Eddie Sensation - Obviously something is up, why don't you just wait and find out?
[ Society X steps into the ring. Tiki Tortez grabs a microphone and begins to speak. ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - I know you are all wondering just what exactly is going on right now. It is quite simple, this match could be quite boring. So, according to a little talk I had with Mr. Stone, there is a new stipulation...[coughs], let me rephrase that. There will be a special referee, and he is none other than...
[ Pause ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Christian Sein!
The Informer - What?!?! That's not right!!! That's totally unfair!
Vic Canon - Well, what do you expect? It's Society X!
Eddie Sensation - HA! I love it! There's nothing wrong with stacking the deck!!
[ Christian Sein pulls off his Society X shirt and reveals his referee tee-shirt. He then signals for the bell. ]
The Informer - And this one is underway.
Vic Canon - It looks like Ethan Storm and Divine are going to start this one up.
Eddie Sensation - What is Divine doing? He is stretching out his hand for some sort of...friendly gesture?
The Informer - Its called a handshake Eddie.
Vic Canon - Ethan Storm doesn't know what is going on, but he extends his in return. Now they're shaking?
Eddie Sensation - AWWWW MAN!!!!
The Informer - Good god... Divine just pulled Storm in and kissed him on the cheek!
Vic Canon - [heels over] Damn, that guy is weird.
Eddie Sensation - Oh, and there goes Storm delivering punch after punch to Divine's face!!
The Informer - That kiss pissed him off pretty bad! Storm is going nuts on Divine!
Vic Canon - Look at him go!!!
Eddie Sensation - Actually, it may have enflamed him. Get it...enFLAMEd him?
Vic Canon - You're an idiot Eddie.
Eddie Sensation - Shut up man, you just don't know a good joke if it hit you upside your face.
The Informer - Guys, shut up... back to the match!
Vic Canon - Yeah.. Storm just tossed Divine into the ropes, and he goes for a clothesline!
Eddie Sensation - Divine ducks! Whoa, he just turned around and nailed him with a standing face-buster!
The Informer - What a move by Divine!! This man may have a lot of problems, but he sure knows how to fight!
Vic Canon - He is pummeling Storm to the ground. Now he is climbing the top rope!
Eddie Sensation - What is he going to do now?
The Informer - LOOK OUT!!!!
Vic Canon - OH GOD! THATS SICK! Divine just grabbed his crotch and did a flying "crotch" drop onto the face of Storm!
Eddie Sensation - DAMN! Thats some sick shit!
The Informer - Now Divine is going for the cover!
Vic Canon - Christian Sein, the special ref, counts the pin...
Eddie Sensation - 1.....
The Informer - Not even a 2 count!
Vic Canon - What is this guy thinking?? There's no way he'd get a pin this early in the match!
Eddie Sensation - He's an idiot, obviously! There is no other way of putting it!
The Informer - Of course there is! The guy is pure talent, he knows what he is doing and he has a great future here in the EWA.
Vic Canon - I mean, he IS the greatest North American Champion in EWA history!
Eddie Sensation - Whatever, the guy is a faggot.
The Informer - Well Eddie, thats your opinion. Some people love the guy, you obviously hate him.
Vic Canon - Look at him now... He just tagged in El Gigante, the former tag-team champion!
Eddie Sensation - Notice the phrase "former".
The Informer - Eddie, didnt your mother tell you... if you cant say anything nice about someone, dont say anything at all?
Vic Canon - Exactly. Now Gigante is throwing punches left and right at Storm! Storm is taking a big punishment today!
Eddie Sensation - ...from a fag, and a guy who cant hold a title!
The Informer - Quiet Eddie. Gigante tosses Ethan Storm into the ropes, and catches him.... SIDEWALK SLAM!!!!! He nailed it!
Vic Canon - And now he's lifting him up again... He is pulling him over toward Divine! He tags in Divine, and the pink avenger climbs the turnbuckle! GiGante has Storm on his shoulders... it looks like a doomsday device coming up! Divine JUMPS!
Eddie Sensation - NOPE!!!!
The Informer - Christian Sein, the referee pulled on Gigante's leg!! I knew he'd take sides!!!
Vic Canon - This is so unfair! The match could have been over right there!
Eddie Sensation - Hey, it's strategy, it's all strategy.
The Informer - NO Eddie... its cheating! And this is going to be a one-sided match if Sein keeps this up, there is no chance of Divine or Gigante getting the win!
Vic Canon - Never say never, you don't know what can happen here in the EWA.
Eddie Sensation - Oh great... here we go again.... Vic and his stupid lines...
The Informer - Their better than yours Eddie!
Vic Canon - HA! Thanks Informer! Now Gigante is arguing with Sein... He doesn't see Ethan Storm crawling over to his corner!
Eddie Sensation - Go Storm Go!!!
The Informer - And Storm tags in Tiki Tortez!! This doesn't look good for El GiGante!!!
Vic Canon - He doesnt see Tortez sneaking up from behind! LOOK OUT!!!
Eddie Sensation - OOH!!! Tortez just nailed him in the back of the head!!!
The Informer - And now Tortez tosses him outside of the ring... Oh, great! Tiki has a chair! And with Sein as the referee, you KNOW he's going to let him use it!
Vic Canon - You're exactly right Informer! Sein just turned around, pretending like he doesn't see what is going on!
Eddie Sensation - Pretending? The guy is calming down the crowd!
The Informer - WHAM!!!! OH MAN!!!!! TORTEZ JUST NAILED GIGANTE IN THE BACK WITH THAT STEEL CHAIR!!!
Vic Canon - This isnt right!!! This is NOT a hardcore match!!
Eddie Sensation - Hey, if the referee doesn't see it, it is definitely OK!
The Informer - Yeah until it is the other way around...
Vic Canon - Exactly!
Eddie Sensation - Hey, don't turn this around. Look at Tortez go though... He is an animal!!
The Informer - Yeah, when he has a chair in his hand!! Why do you think he's the EXTREME CHAMPION, and not Heavyweight or International?
Vic Canon - Look at him just toss the limp body of GiGante back into the ring! LOOK OUT! Divine is trying to get a piece of Tortez, but Sein is holding him back!
Eddie Sensation - Wait a minute, look! Ethan Storm is climbing the ropes! I smell trouble for GiGante!
The Informer - Tortez picks up Gigante...
Vic Canon - He's setting him up for a powerbomb!! Storm JUMPS!
Eddie Sensation - OOH!!!! SPIKE POWERBOMB!!!!!! That was DEVASTATING!!!!!
The Informer - For once, I agree with Eddie. GiGante is motionless on the ground!
Vic Canon - And look! NOW Sein turns around!
Eddie Sensation - He is going for the cover!
The Informer - 1.. 2..
Vic Canon - No!
Eddie Sensation - Dammit...Divine broke up the count!
The Informer - You call that a count?! He went so fast, it was like one big motion to me!
Vic Canon - That wasnt a two count... it was less then one!
Eddie Sensation - Oh shut up and just watch the match! Don't yell at the guy for every single detail, this is his first time as referee!
The Informer - Yeah, and he is doing a horrid job!
Vic Canon - Now look at him! He is shoving Divine back into his own corner! This is just pure carnage!
Eddie Sensation - HA! I love it! Tortez and Storm are killing Gigante!
The Informer - Tortez is now on the mat, and he's applying the Figure Four!
Vic Canon - And look! Storm is climbing the ropes again! He JUMPS.... and CONNECTS with a frog splash on the face of Gigante!!! This man must be out cold!!!
Eddie Sensation - Uh oh!!!!!! Divine just pushed past Sein!!!! You NEVER touch a referee!!!
The Informer - He is charging at Tortez! He dropkicks Tortez!
Vic Canon - He turns to Storm, and nails him with an inverted atomic drop!! Both men are down!!! But wait... look at Sein!!!
Eddie Sensation - YES! Christian Sein just NAILED Divine with a devastating reverse neckbreaker!!!!!! That was incredible!! He may have broken Divine's neck!!
The Informer - And thats a GOOD thing?!?!
Vic Canon - That's not right, Sein is supposed to be the referee!! HE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THAT!!
Eddie Sensation - Tortez is slowly getting up, as is Ethan Storm. They walk over to Christian Sein, who is standing valiantly over limp body of Divine!
The Informer - Oh great... 3 on 1 now...
Vic Canon - Tortez shakes Sein's hand as the three of them begin to beat down Divine!!! You called it Informer!!!! Gigante is unconscious!!! He can't do anything!!! Somebody stop this!
Eddie Sensation - NO! DONT STOP THIS!!! THIS IS GREAT!!!
The Informer - Sein lifts up Divine! He his holding him up in the middle of the ring... Tortez and Storm climb the ropes!
Vic Canon - What are they going to do?!
Eddie Sensation - Tortez and Storm jump at the same time! LOOK OUT!!!! OOH!! INCREDIBLE!!!!! They just did a double doomsday device on Divine!!!!! I have never seen that before in my whole life!!!!!!!
The Informer - Because NO ONE else is this sinister! Just look at the limp bodies of Gigante and Divine!!!
Vic Canon - This isn't right... we need some help down here for Divine and GiGante!
Eddie Sensation - What the hell?! Whats going on?!?!
[ The lights suddenly go out, and some weird music is heard. Moments later the lights come back on as another figure is in the ring, with a chair in hand. ]
The Informer - It's TyranT, he's back!
Vic Canon - What's this guy up to now?
Eddie Sensation - He is cleaning house!? No! He just drilled all three members of Society X with that chair!!!!!
The Informer - ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!! Look at Gigante, he is slowly getting up!!
Vic Canon - He crawls over and gets an arm on top of Ethan Storm!! But there is no referee to make the count!! GET A REFEREE DOWN HERE!!!!
Eddie Sensation - WHAT THE HELL?!?! WHAT IS TYRANT DOING!?!
The Informer - TYRANT GRABS THE ARM OF CHRISTIAN SEIN, AND BEGINS TO COUNT THE PIN!!!!!
Vic Canon - 1..........2..........3!!!!!
Chris Myers - And the winners of this match... El GiGante and Divine!
Eddie Sensation - NO!!!!!! This can't happen! Why would TyranT do this?!
The Informer - Beats me!!!!
Vic Canon - Wait a minute, what is he doing now!?
Eddie Sensation - He picks up GiGante, and knocks him RIGHT BACK DOWN TO THE MAT with a devastating chokeslam!! Everyone is unconscious on the mat!!!!
The Informer - Everyone except TyranT that is, and this is the second week in the row he's done this!
Vic Canon - This is just insane. A guy shouldn't be able to do something like that!
Eddie Sensation - I know!!! He shouldnt be able to be in the same ring as Society X!!!!
The Informer - HUH?
Vic Canon - What are you talking about?! I meant the wrestling in general, I don't give a damn about Society X and all of their psycho-babble bullshit!!!
Eddie Sensation - TyranT is now leaving through the crowd, but not after stomping El GiGante onto the outside!
The Informer - All 3 members of Society X are slowly getting up.... This leaves a 3-on-1 with Divine! I smell trouble!!
Vic Canon - Yes definitely... I think they are going to take out their anger on him!!
Eddie Sensation - What are they doing? Sein and Storm just picked up the limp body of Divine, and begin carrying him to the back!! What is going on?
The Informer - I have no clue! Hopefully we'll find out sometime during the show... We'll be right back fans.
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Suddenly... [ The camera views shift to a very dimly lit locker room, with one small deep green light trying to cut through the abyssmal darkness that envelops the room. There is a shadowed figure sitting in the corner in a chair, towel over his head. ]
"They told me that the time had come for me to prove myself in another realm. They told me that the time had come for me to debunk the theory that I was a fluke. They told me that the time had come to kill once again."
The Informer - What in the hell is he talking about?
"I was not sure that it would be a good idea to take someone out in a realm where death only occurs by accident. I was unaware that the consequences would be quite so severe if I followed through with the plan laid out before me. But as a puppet on a string, I knew no other master. I knew no other way."
Vic Canon - This guy is freaking me out, mainly because I have no idea who he is!
[ The figure slides the towel off his head, and somehow, the green light captures the ice blue glow in his eyes. He stares into the camera with a look that could pierce into your soul if you were weak enough to let it in. ]
"Many were unsure of what to expect from someone like me...someone coming in from another facade of the world...another profession...invading their territory with a militant passion. One decided to cross my path and I was given the order to destroy him. Perhaps I crossed a line, but perhaps I did everyone in EWA a favor."
Vic Canon - Who is he talking about? Reveal yourself, damnit!
[ The figure stands up and walks closer to the camera. The green light luminates his attire just enough to reveal his full set of camouflage fatigues. As he gets closer to the camera, the focus shifts to his face, which now fills the screen to reveal "Shadowhawk" Drew Norwood. The fans cheer as the identity is revealed at last. ]
"Am I sorry for what happened to Howell at Rock the Boat in our Marine Destruction Match?"
Eddie Sensation - You should be sorry, you spineless bastard, for killing Howell!
The Informer - Fans, as you may remember [Footage of the Marine Destruction Match is shown] Norwood set off a trigger that imploded the warehouse, which collapsed on Howell after Norwood had already claimed the victory in the match!
[ Norwood pauses for a moment to reflect before speaking again. ]
"No, because one, he had it coming, and two, he started his own downfall by attacking me. But Howell, you were not the problem...I now realize that, perhaps too late. My problem was the puppetry that has been going down within The Phoenix Organization as of late. I have been yanked around like a mindless drone, expected to follow every order issued and punished if I failed to do so. What I did to Howell was more out of hatred over punishment given to me for losing the first match between us. I retaliated in the only way that seemed logical at the time...destroying the building and getting rid of my opponent. And you know...as I have thought about things since that match, I have come to a simple conclusion about myself that I would like to share with you at this time. I have discovered that the only way for me to break through in the EWA...the only way for my skills to get noticed...the only way for me to climb the ladder of success and become a title holder in the EWA...the only way for me to separate myself from the rest...is for this puppet [Norwood thumps his chest] to cut the damn string!"
[ Loud pop from the fans in attendance. ]
"Waltzer...you are a disease. You set me up within your grand scheme and then pulled me around to execute your own brute desires. It was you that wanted Howell dead, and you that used me to get your wish. But as of now, your orders have no effect on this Marine, sir."
[ As Norwood stops for a moment, the fans continue to cheer. ]
Vic Canon - What a statement by Norwood, who has just officially cut himself off from the umbrella of The Phoenix Organization!
[ Norwood walks over to his locker and pulls a piece of paper out. He walks back to face the camera and shows the paper to the screen. ]
"This is an open contract. No ifs, ands, or buts...just a simple dotted line contract to anyone who wants to offer me the chance to prove myself once again. If no one takes me up on it, EWA can prepare for a methodical disruption of its roster until someone does. I am done playing the games. I am done playing "Follow The Leader." As of tonight, Shadowhawk is going to make sure that he watches out for his own success so that the EWA will show him the respect he has earned, and will continue to earn in the weeks to come. So, members of the EWA...as you sit there in your locker room waiting for your match tonight...as you sit in your hotel room watching the festivities...as you drink yourself to sleep tonight after Heat is over, there will be one question burning through to your soul...one question that you will be asking yourself from now until the end of all things..."
[ Camera zooms to a closeup of Norwood's face. ]
"Are you ready for your Silent Flight?"
[ The feed cuts off as the camera shifts back to the announcer's table. ]
Cage Match
Zed vs. Fallen AngelChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall!
[ "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'5" and weighing in at 270 pounds, from Chicago, Illinois, Zed!
[ Zed steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - Take a look at Zed... he's giving high-five's too all the fans as he comes down... and now he's even circling around the outside of the ring!
Vic Canon - Oh my... and here he comes now!
Eddie Sensation - [Looks at Zed] DONT TOUCH ME!
The Informer - Hey Zed, good luck in your match! [Shakes Zed's hand]
Vic Canon - And now Zed is finally in the ring...
[ "Piggy Pie" by ICP blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'1" and weighing in at 220 pounds, from Detroit, Michigan, Fallen Angel!
[ Fallen Angel steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - And here comes Fallen Angel...
Vic Canon - What the hell? What's he doing?
Eddie Sensation - It looks like he's starting a chant in the crowd! But he's yelling "LETS GO ZED!!! [Clap, clap.. clap clap clap!] LETS GO ZED!!! [Clap, clap.. clap clap clap!]"
The Informer - Oh my... these two are a little strange, if you ask me...
Vic Canon - Why the hell would he be chanting for Zed?!
Eddie Sensation - You moron! You saw that backstage encounter that they had!
Vic Canon - Oh.. yeah... [Confused]
The Informer - You know, the one where they argued that the other is better? Then started spitting on each other?
Vic Canon - Oh, right! Now I remember! Well, Fallen Angel is in the ring, and the ref locks the door on the cage.... there's the bell!
Eddie Sensation - Zed and Fallen Angel are on opposite sides of the cage...
The Informer - Now their circling... neither man wants to be the first to try something...
Vic Canon - And they're still circling....
Eddie Sensation - still.....
The Informer - still.......
Vic Canon - still........
Eddie Sensation - Oh! Fallen Angel just taunted Zed! And now Zed is taunting him back!
The Informer - Listen to this crowd! They're LAUGHING at these two!
Vic Canon - HA! And so am I!!!! These two are a handful!
Eddie Sensation - Now what?
The Informer - Now Zed is telling Fallen Angel to hit him!
Vic Canon - But he wont! Fallen Angel is telling Zed to hit HIM!
Eddie Sensation - But he's not! And now they're going back and forth, arguing! SHUT UP AND FIGHT!
Zed - C'mon, hit me, you know you're better!
Fallen Angel - No, you hit me!
Zed - You started it!
Fallen Angel - No you did!
Zed - YOU DID!!!!
Fallen Angel - YOU DID!!!
Zed - NO, YOU!!!!!
The Informer - Oh... my... god...
Vic Canon - I cant beleive these two....
Eddie Sensation - They're STILL arguing! And now even the referee is yelling at them to start wrestling!
The Informer - Zed seems fed up! I think he's going to hit Fallen Angel!
[ Zed TAPS Fallen Angel on the arm ]
Vic Canon - What the hell?! Fallen Angel is fell backwards, and is acting like he just got hit by a car!
Eddie Sensation - What the?!?! ZED JUST FELL TO THE MAT!!! AND NOW THEY'RE BOTH DOWN!!!!!
The Informer - Oh..... my..........
Vic Canon - These two have some problems! Fans, so far, Zed has TAPPED Fallen Angel, and they're both "out cold"!
Eddie Sensation - Hey! Look! I just saw Zed peek at Fallen Angel to see if he's getting up!
The Informer - And now Fallen Angel peeks at Zed! But they're still pretending to be unconcious!
Vic Canon - Wait a minute... the referee is climbing the cage! He's getting into the ring!
Eddie Sensation - HA! What the hell for?!
The Informer - We're about to find out!
Vic Canon - The referee just yelled something at both men.... but the laughter in the crowd is overwhelming! I couldnt hear what he said!
Eddie Sensation - And now the ref is climbing back OUT of the cage!
The Informer - Zed and Fallen Angel still havent moved once since the referee got in there!
Vic Canon - And the ref is out of the cage, and back on the outside! Now he's making his way over to Chris Myers.... whats going on?
Eddie Sensation - I dunno!
The Informer - What the hell?!! The bell just sounded!
Vic Canon - And now Chris Myers grabs a mic!
Chris Myers - Ladies and Gentlemen.... if I could have your attention please.... The referee, Lance King, has decided to STOP THIS MATCH.....
Eddie Sensation - HA! LOOK! ZED AND FALLEN ANGEL JUST STOOD UP AT THE EXACT SAME TIME!
Chris Myers - ....and has decided that the winner is...
Vic Canon - Look at them! They're pointing at each other!
Chris Myers - NOBODY! This match has been ruled a NO CONTEST, since neither individual would respond to the referee!
Eddie Sensation - What the hell?!
The Informer - Well, the ref didnt want to wait here all night! Good decision!
Vic Canon - Wait a minute... look at Fallen Angel and Zed! They're standing side by side at one end of the cage, as if they were going to race!
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHAHA!!!!!
The Informer - And there they go! Fallen Angel and Zed have sprinted to the cage, and are climbing it! They're at the top... and over!
Vic Canon - Now they're climbing down.... lets see who hits the bottom first!
Eddie Sensation - .....OOH!! THEY LANDED AT THE SAME TIME!
The Informer - And now look! They're racing up the entrance ramp! I guess its all the way to the curtain?!
Vic Canon - I guess! They're almost there! And they're neck and neck! What a race this is folks!
Eddie Sensation - [Slaps Vic]
Vic Canon - OWW!!!!!
The Informer - Its a race right to the finish! Aaaaaaaaand.......
Vic Canon - HA! Zed but the brakes on, and Fallen Angel went through the curtain!!! Now Zed is celebrating because Fallen Angel won!
Eddie Sensation - This guy has PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Informer - Fans, we'll be right back!!!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Suddenly... [ Darkness ]
[ In the dark, a Chinese Mandolin's distinctly tinny plucking filters through the speaker system. Each chord creating a sense of suspense, and yet, it is soothing to the air. All is calm. Up on the big screen a single letter has slowly materialised in huge blue lettering - X. It shimmers with a watery effect. ]
[ Then silence. ]
BOOM! [ A deafening bomb-blast rocks the arena, accompanied by rapid machine-fun fire, and the wailing of dying victims; the unmistakable sound of warfare. In more huge lettering, this time metallic silver -Society- slammes next to and above the other. Chaos segued rapidly into the harsh guitar riffs and violent vocals of "Invaders" by Iron Maiden. ]
#Longboats have been sighted the evidence of war has begun#
#Many Nordic fighting men their swords and shields all gleam in the sun#
#Call to arms defend yourselves get ready to stand and fight for your lives#
#Judgement day has come around so be prepared don't run stand your ground#[ Then comes the stuttering spotlight trained on the curtain-draped entrance that served as tonight's focal point for EWA wrestlers entering the fray. ]
#They're coming in from the sea#
#they've come the enemy#
#beneath the blazing sun#
#the battle has to be won#
#Invaders ... Pillaging#
#Invaders ... Looting#[ The spotlight shuts-off for a brief moment sending the crowd back into darkness. When it had resumed two diminutive figures stand under it's flashing gleam. Ethan Storm, adorned in a pair of black baggy leather trousers with a sky blue lightning bolt down each leg and they hang half way over Ethan's black boots and Christian Sein, clasped in a black singlet. Each member of Society-X has a tag team title belt draped over their shoulders. ]
#Set ablaze the campfires alert the other men from inland#
#Warning must be given there's not enough men here for a stand#
#The Vikings are too many much too powerful to take on our own#
#We must have reinforcements we cannot fight this battle alone#[ SX strolls confidently to ringside, confident smirks across their faces. ]
#They're coming over the hill#
#they've come to attack#
#they're coming in for the kill#
#there's no turning back#
#Invaders ... Fighting#
#Invaders ... Marauding#[ Slowly climbing the ring-steps the smiles on their faces grows with every boo from the jam-packed audience. ]
#Axes grind and maces clash as wounded fighters fall to the ground#
#Severed limbs and fatal woundings bloody corpses lay all around#
#The smell of death and burning flesh the battle weary fight to the end#
#The Saxons have been overpowered victims of the mighty Norsemen#[ Center ring, Ethan pulls the mic to his mouth. ]
#You'd better scatter and run#
#the battle's lost and not won#
#you'd better get away to fight another day#
#Invaders ... Raping#
#Invaders ... Plundering#[ Cut music. ]
Vic Canon - What the hell is this?!?
Eddie Sensation - What does it look like Vic? IT'S OUR TAG-TEAM CHAMPS!!!!
The Informer - Shut up Eddie! You know damn well that The Regulators are the Tag-Team Champions! It must have been Society X that stole the belts from Regs!
Ethan Storm - Well look at we have here.. It seems that Society X has decided to grace you low-life commoners with their monumental presence. Yes. Yes. I know, you people are probably thinking in your porno driven minds, "What the fuck are these two doing with the Titles?!" Well you better get used to this sight.. Because unless The Regulators are gonna come out here and take their precious titles back... I guess we'll just have to... keep them!
Christian Sein - That's right, kiddies! Possession is nine-tenths of the law and right here, right now we possess the one thing that means more in this sport than anything else. We're the NEW breed of EWA superstars and I've got a notion that the Regulators don't have the balls to come out here and take back what's theirs. Society-X is starting a revolution in this business, and it's about damn time that someone stand up and take notice.
Vic Canon - YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!
Ethan Storm - You damn right Christian! Society X is all about RECOGNITION! And what better way to do get some recognition than to take the tag-team titles away from two of the most loved professional wrestlers of recent memory. I mean, it's common logic, now I dunno if you damn nobodies have enough brain-power to figure this out, but mark my words: EWA. you have now fallen into the dark age and Society X will come out on top, for sure!
Christian Sein - There's no doubt about it. Society X is about success and winning breeds success, so here we are, pushing the envelope and calling out one of the greatest tag teams in recent memory. Regulators, we've laid down the gauntlet, we've put a beat down on your sorry carcasses, and now we're DEMANDING a title shot!
The Informer - These two are idiots!
Vic Canon - Damn straight Informer!
Ethan Storm - Whether you like it or not folks, you're just gonna have to accept the fact. and that is, no matter what Team Ballz, FU Man Crew or anyone in backstage says, Society X is and forever will be a force to be reckoned with! Why? BECAUSE WE CAN TAKE OUT ABSOLUTELY ANYONE, AT ANY GODAMN TIME WE WANT TO!
Christian Sein - It's about perspective. And the way we see it, we're the top dogs on the block and no one, not the Regulators, not Team Ballz, not Tom Stone, NO ONE is going to stand between us and what we deserve. Sure, we're a new team, but we're also an extremely talented team. We've proven ourselves over and over. We've beaten Divine and GiGante, we've did more in a smaller amount of time than any other team in the history of the sport could even imagine. And now, we've taken what's rightfully ours..
[ Ethan and Christian smile at eachother and stroke the titles that lie slung over their shoulders. ]
Ethan Storm - But ya gotta admit, these titles look damn good on us!!
[ The crowd go hysterical in a HUGE chorus of boos. ]
Eddie Sensation - Jesus! I always knew Phoenix was a shit ass place!
Ethan Storm - It's time for the big guns to step up to the plate. GiGante.. Divine. HA! They're nothing but rookies. Ethan Storm, Christian Sein. a sight for sore eyes!
Christian Sein - Two men on a mission, two men reaching for their destiny, and that destiny.. is greatness!
Ethan Storm - By now, you should all know, and you should all now believe that a new day has been born on the EWA, and I guarantee! This is new era, this new day.. Will not be for the faint at heart!
[ Ethan drops the mic and flashes the crowd a rye smile. Christian taps him on the shoulder, and Ethan turns around instantly. The two gingerly exit under the middle rope and slowly make their way back up the entrance ramp, gold in hand. Christian tops at the very top and raise the Title high over his head, Ethan follows suit, and after a few minutes of showboating, the two disappear behind the curtain. ]
Backstage... [ We see the back of a body wearing a Cody Covington shirt. Suddenly Team Ballz, Serial Thrylla, Nomad, and Ethan Tyler jump out and beat the hell out of him ]
Ethan Tyler - Screw you Covington! Your ass is ours!
[ Thrylla takes vicious shots with his hockey stick. He steps back a bit as Nomad and Tyler continue to beat the shit out of Cody. Then a look of surprise comes over Thrylla's face. ]
Serial Thrylla - Dudes.... Dudes........ DUDES!
[ Thrylla throws Nomad and Tyler off of Cody. ]
Serial Thrylla - That ain't him.
Ethan Tyler - What the shit???
[ Tyler picks up the fallen body by it's hair and it's EWA Jobber TaSoCYDONIA. ]
Nomad - Shit.... The hunt goes on.
[ Tyler shakes his head in disgust and throws Taso's head into the ground. The team moves on. ]
Vic Canon - FUBAR!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - Shut up Vic, if anything is a FUBAR, it's your career!
The Informer - We'll be back in a few fans.
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Backstage... [ The scene fades in to somewhere in the back of the arena. The lights are dimmed to near darkness. As the camera sets into view. A vague image of 2 wrestlers is seen. The camera zooms in closer and 2 wrestlers are revealed. One man, Tiki Tortez is shown standing in the middle of the room. A few feet in front of him, the man they call Divine is tied up to a chair. Tiki moves in with a smile on his face. Divine slowly opens his swollen eyes. ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - So, how are you Divine?
Divine - Wha..what? Where am I?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [Smiles] You are in a basement of an EWA arena. Today is the day you learn a lesson.
Divine - Oh my God...Tiki!!! You dont know how long I've dreamed of this!! I never knew you were fruitish!! Had I known I would've set up a mattress down here for us to lay on!!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - SHUT UP! Throughout your career here in the EWA, you have declared yourself as...well...a fag. And I personally am sick of it. So tonight, you learn your lesson.
Divine - If you're talking about my pissing on the toilet seat in the dressing room I already apologized to Tom.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [Aggrivated] ...!!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID SHUT UP!!!!!!! Are you ready to learn your lesson??
Divine - Hey, just hold on a second pally...you cant boss me around like this!! I have rights too!! Tom Stone will hear of this!! I'M HERE, I'M QUEER, GET USED TO IT!!!!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Ha, thats what you think. After the beating you went through tonight, you are lucky to be alive. Wait a minute, I was the one that kicked your ass...now I remember.
Divine - Oh...you naughty little boy...but I have to give you credit...mmmm..
[ Divine licks his lips and rubs his legs together. ]
Divine - ..mmm...you know all the right spots to hit me!! You really are kinky Ticki, arent you? Why dont you untie these ropes and let me give it to you Raw Dog!!!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Raw Dog? What in the hell is that?!?!
Divine - Raw Dog is when I fuck the living shit out of your tight virgin ass without using a condom!!! HAHA!!
[ Tiki punches Divine in the mouth. ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [Laughing] Hurts doesn't it? Now sit back and listen, because today, you will change, and you will no longer be a faggot.
Divine - Ticki...you cant change what you are...but if you'd like to give it a shot, you're more than welcome!!!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Whatever homo...are you ready?
Divine - OH YES!!! GIVE IT TO ME!!!
[ Tiki takes a wooden baseball bat and nails Divine in the ribs. Divine howls in pleasure as anger strikes across his face. ]
Divine - OH!!! OOOOH!!! YES!!! Give it to me in my ass next time, PLEASE!!!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [Ignores what Divine said] Now I'm gonna beat you with this bat until you are straight!
Divine - I have something you can beat straight...
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - ....[Swings]
[ Tortez bunts him in the chest. Divine gasps for air as Tortez nails him across the neck. Divine is howling in pleasure once again. ]
Divine - MMMMMmm Mmmmm....Ticki....oooh Ticki...give it to me....
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - How do you feel now?!
Divine - ORGASMIC!!!!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - You stubborn son of a bitch! I should bash your brains in!!
Divine - I'm going to cum!!!!
[ Tiki is enraged. He raises the bat above his head and is about to connect on Divine's skull before he stops. A smile spreads across his face. ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - You know what, I'm not going to hit you anymore. I've got a better idea...I'm just going to leave you here. And don't worry about yelling, no one can hear you. Bye...
[ Tiki walks for a minute or two until he is out of complete sight. Divine is all alone in the dark, dark, basement. Isolated, depressed, and one hell of a headache. ]
Backstage... [ The camera cuts backstage as we see Team Ballz' own, Ethan Tyler arriving at the America West Arena. Tyler walks through the loading dock area and enters the building. Ethan walks down the long hallway corridor until reaching the Team Ballz locker room. Tyler opens up the door and steps inside the dark room. He feels around the wall for the light switch, and he flicks it on, but no lights turn on. He does it again, and again, but still the same result, the lights won't turn on. ]
Ethan Tyler - What the hell is going on here? God damn lights.....
[ Then Tyler hears a noise behind him like a chair following to the ground. ]
Ethan Tyler - What the shit was that?
[ Again, Tyler hears another loud noise behind him. ]
Ethan Tyler - Very god damn funny, joke's over asshole
[ Suddenly a large bang is heard again and Ethan Tyler hits the ground. ]
Voice - Nothing personal Tyler, it's the EWA's fault....
[ The lights then turn on in Team Ballz locker room with Ethan Tyler lying unconscious on the floor with no one else around him. ]
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Pre-Match Interview with Virulent Rachel Stevens - I'm backstage right now waiting for the "The Vile One" Virulent... Oh, here he comes now, Virulent?
"The Vile One" Virulent - What's Crackin...Rachel right?
Rachel Stevens - Yes, that's right... What are your thoughts about taking on the World Heavyweight Champion in your very first match as an EWA superstar??
"The Vile One" Virulent - Well Rachel, The Vile One can't wait to get his hands on that half pint, two-bit joke of a wrestler Clayton Chandler, and no not Divine style.
Rachel Stevens - So then it's safe to say that you're very physically and mentally prepared for your first match?
"The Vile One" Virulent - Wow Rachel, you DO have an IQ of atleast 2! Shit, what's to prepare for? I'm about to fight someone who's about sixty pounds when he's wet and wearin boots! Mentally, Yes i'm very prepared. I discussed with my partners in The New Resistance, which will soon be dominating the EWA, before this match... and physically?? sheeeeit Da mufuckin Vile One got his last night, much love baby!
Rachel Stevens - OH, well...Then I guess all I can say is good luck on your match tonight.
"The Vile One" Virulent - Luck? nah fuck that, Virulent doesnt rely on luck, luck is not a dimension of Da Vile One's game...
[ Virulent takes the mic from Rachels hands and looks directly into the camera ]
"The Vile One" Virulent - You see chandler, The Vile One only lives by 4 fuckin rules, and that's fucking bitches, gettin fucked up, being a baller, and BEATIN SORRY BITCHES LIKE YOURSELF TO A BLOODY PULP!! Why, you ask?? Because I'm bad chandler, very bad..No wait!! Fuck That! I'm not bad, no no no..not in the least.. you see Chandler I'm worse than bad, I'M VILE MOTHERFUCKER!!! So be ready, because you can't breathe under water, and the tides comin in... but remember this Chandler, as Vile as I am, you will always be Given ONE LAST BREATH!
[ Virulent then drops the mic and walks off ]
Rachel Stevens - Well there you have it, Virulent is obviously ready! Over to you, Rob!
Pre-Match Interview with Chandler Rob DiMarco - Thanks Rachel, I'm here with EWA Hea...
Chandler - God dammit Rob, you know the drill.
Rob DiMarco - Hey man, back off!
Chandler - You can back off against my crotch fuckweed, now, get the hell out of here!
[ Rob DiMarco stands his ground, and Chandler simply laughs ]
Chandler - Hey, 5 fucking seconds...
Rob DiMarco - You're fucking cliched.
Chandler - Yeah DiMarco? Well, heres another one...
Rob DiMarco - ...and what would that be?
Chandler - In the words of myself, circa 1997, if you've got an itch with Chandler...you're ass...better...come...scratchin'...
[ Chandler shoves DiMarco into and through the Tuesday Night Heat backdrop. He picks up the microphone... ]
Chandler - And Virulent, let that shit be a lesson. Don't fuck with me son, I'm out of your league.
Chandler - I'm a fucking god.
[ Chandler slits his throat with his finger and walks off the set. ]
EWA Heavyweight Title Match
Chandler vs. VirulentThe Informer - We're back! Lets take it down to the ring for the introductions for this next match, its impromptu, its for the EWA World Heavyweight Championship, and its Virulent vs. the best wrestler on the planet today, Clayton Chandler.
[ We cut to the ring ]
Chris Myers - Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the EWA Unified World Heavyweight Wrestling Championship!
[ "Loc'd To Da Brain" by Brotha Lynch Hung begins to play over the PA system ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Lord Infamous, from Anaheim, California, weighing in at 264 pounds, he is a member of Hostile Youth 2000, this...is...VIRULENT!!!
[ Virulent steps out from behind the entrance curtain and begins to make his way to the ring among a green and black lightshow. He enters the ring and stands in his corner. ]
Chris Myers - And...his...opponent...
"Ready?" [ A lone spotlight shines atop the EWA entranceway as Chandler, clad in black wrestling boots and kneepads, two fully taped forearms, and black/red faded wrestling trunks (the color of the night I suppose), slowly walks out into the awaiting arena and stares coldly into the very heart of Virulent. The vicious chords of "Bulls on Parade" backing up this scene makes for one that displays the utter greatness that surrounds this man's every move this day and age. ]
[ Chandler steps into the ring and hands his belt to referee Lee Flemming, leans against his turnbuckle, and awaits the opening bell. Virulent, looking somewhat anxious for his "big break", paces in his side of the ring, also awaiting the bell. ]
[ ...and there it is... ]
[ !DING! ]
The Informer - Here we go! Chandler and Virulent are both storming the center of the ring! Collar-and-elbow!
Eddie Sensation - Lets see what the Virulent kid's got. Gutcheck time, he's in there with The Man.
The Informer - Chandler with a go-behind, Virulent with a reversal, Chandler grabs a leg, roll-through, half-crab!
Vic Canon - NICE!
Eddie Sensation - Guys, he is not the EWA World Heavyweight Champion because he's some roided up monster, he's the champion because the man can go, hate him or not. and most of us do, by the way.
The Informer - Chandler really pulling back on that leg, this move causes damage to the mainly the 12th and 13th vertibre, for those who would want to know.
Eddie Sensation - Virulent to the ropes!
Vic Canon - Did he?
The Informer - Yes, Virulent made it to the ropes. Chandler...releases the hold?
Eddie Sensation - NOT FOR LONG VIC, MAFIA KICK RIGHT TO VIRULENTS TEMPLE!
The Informer - Chandler putting it in high gear now, Irish whip, farside, back, SPINEBUSTER!
[ Chandler leaps back to his feat, and swings his arms in a "THATS IT" motion. ]
The Informer - Lateral press!
Eddie Sensation - Only a one-count! Chandler can't believe it!
Vic Canon - Wow.
The Informer - Chandler's throwing Virulent into the corner, he's going to the opposite side of the ring!
Vic Canon - Look out!
The Informer - Chandler, full speed, RUNNNING RYDER KI...NO!
Eddie Sensation - There you go kid, now get on his ass!
The Informer - Virulent with rights, lefts, rights, lefts! He whips Chandler to the opposite corner, and the champion hits in sternem-first, he's down!
Eddie Sensation - RUNNING BASEBALL SLIDE ON CHANDLER'S SHOULDER!
Vic Canon - Nice!
The Informer - OUCH! And to make matters worse (OOC - and to please the psycology marks), he's locking on a cross-arm breaker!
Vic Canon - JUJIGATAME! JUJIGATAME!!
Eddie Sensation - What?!
Vic Canon - Nevermind [sigh].
The Informer - But, Chandler's legs are under the bottom rope! Virulent has to break the hold!
Eddie Sensation - Aww, man!
The Informer - He's picking him back up! Whip to the near side, back the other way, hipt..NO, reversed into a Dragon Sleeper!
Eddie Sensation - Right in the center of the ring too!
[ Referee Lee Flemming checks on Virulent ]
Vic Canon - Aww man, he's screwed.
Eddie Sensation - Or not Vic, look at him fight!!
The Informer - Virulent just picked his legs up and tossed Chandler forward with a headscissors takeover! AND HE'S GOING RIGHT BACK TO THE SHOULDER! BARELY LEGAL, BARLEY LEGAL!
Eddie Sensation - Made famous by the great Black Top Bully!
Vic Canon - Ha!
The Informer - Chandler getting to his feet, he's trying to break this hold before the pain gets to him, AND HE DOES, He backs Virulent into our righthand nearside corner! LOOK OUT!
Vic Canon - OOOOOOOOO! THAT'S A CRACKED RIB!
The Informer - Chandler just CRUSHED Virulent with a reverse roundhouse kick square in the kidney! Virulent just fell like a sack of bricks!
[ Chandler takes a breif time out to fix his trunks and wipe his brow. He leans against the top rope and stares at the booing audience, then flips them off. He walks back over to Virulent... ]
Eddie Sensation - UH OH, TREE OF WOAH!
Vic Canon - YES! THE TREE OF WOAH!
The Informer - Virulent has been strapped to the Tree of Woah, and now Chandlers running!!!
Vic Canon - AWWWWWWWW MAN!!
The Informer - TWO FOOT DROPKICK TO VIRULENTS RIBS!
Vic Canon - That's two broke!!
Eddie Sensation - Well, now he's loose, but he has to be HURTING!
The Informer - Chandler trying to end it right now!
[ 1......2....... ]
Eddie Sensation - NO!! 2!!! WHAT WILLPOWER BY VIRULENT!
[ Chandler his his marquee, mouthing "FUCK" after getting the nearfall ]
The Informer - Chandler picking Virulent up, Irish Whip, REVERSED, LARIAT!!!!
Eddie Sensation - BUT HE DIDN'T HIT ALL OF IT!!!
Vic Canon - I THINK HE REALIZES THIS!!!
The Informer - I THINK HE'S GONNA TRY IT AGAIN!!
Eddie Sensation - NO VIRULENT, STUPID VIRULENT, CHANDLER'S TOO DAMN GOOD FOR THAT!!!
[ Virulent picks up Chandler and throws him into the ropes, upon Chandler's return, he ducks the 2nd attempted lariat, picks up Virulent from behind, and drops him RIB-FIRST onto the rope. ]
Vic Canon - NO NO NO!!!
Eddie Sensation - WHAT DID I SAY?!?!
[ Virulent bounches back off the ropes and Chandler spins him around, thumbs him in the eye, and puts him in a front face lock. He gives Virulent a vicious knee to the ribs for good measure.... ]
[ ...BIG TIMER... ]
Vic Canon - DAMMIT!
[ Chandler covers Virulent as Lee Flemming academically counts...1....2.....3.... ]
The Informer - YOUNG MISTAKE GUYS, YOUNG MISTAKE!!
Vic Canon - And Chandlers so good, THAT'S ALL IT TOOK, ONE MISTAKE!! NEVER, EVER, TRY TO REPEAT THE SAME MOVE TWICE IN A ROW!!
Eddie Sensation - Great match, though.
[ Here's Chris Myers with the results ]
Chris Myers - You're winner, VIA PINFALL, at 10:23, and STILL EWA World Heavyweight Champion, CHAAAAAANNNDDLLLLLEEEEERRRRR!!!
The Informer - Well, he is the champion for a reason, and he just proved it.
Vic Canon - One mistake guys...one mistake.
[ Chandler retrieves his belt and poses atop the top turnbuckle, and chalks up the first win on his quest for Thorn. Virulent has absolutely nothing to be ashamed about, he took The Best to The Limit. ]
Backstage... [ Nomad and Ethan Tyler are running ahead of Thrylla a few feet as they are searching the backstage area for Cody Covington. Ethan Tyler spots the Pussy Posse standing in front of the bathroom door... ]
Ethan Tyler - Where's your boyfriend at?!
Ronny Garbage - Where's the tic tacs at?! Nasty ass bastard...
[ Nomad kicks Ronny in his large head and he falls backwards through the restroom doors. Tyler grabs Basulto by the throat and pushes him backwards... TBG backpedals and knocks his head off a towel dispenser.... ]
Ethan Tyler - NOW... WHERE IS HE?!
Mike Basulto - I... don't... [Gasps for air] know!!
Serial Thrylla - Fine, it didn't have to be this way!
[ Nomad picks Garbage up by the legs and Thrylla opens up a bathroom stall door. Nomad tries to stick Garbage's head inside the toilet... ]
Nomad - God damn! This guys head isn't fitting inside the bowl!
Serial Thrylla - Now, now... where's your manners?? Put the seat up!
[ Thrylla puts the toilet seat up and Nomad dips Ronny's head under the water. Ethan has a bear hug on Mike Basulto, who seems to be enjoying it. Ethan is abnormally holding him below the waist, as he takes a few steps forward and falls backwards! Basulto's head just got KNOCKED off!! His chin made a sickening smack as he landed on the steel sinks. Nomad lifts Ronny's head out of the toilet bowl, he's spitting out water everywhere... and Thrylla gets in his face... ]
Serial Thrylla - Are you going to tell us... or are we going to have to let Ethan have fun with you?!
Ronny Garbage - Okay... okay. The last time I saw him... he was going to the ring!
Ethan Tyler - Next time it would help to be a little more cooperative...
[ Tyler punches Garbage in the head and Garbage goes down hard, Tyler shakes his fist and starts laughing. ]
Ethan Tyler - God damn that one hurt! What a punch.
The Informer - Great going by those two slack jawed brain dead monkey jockeys.
Eddie Sensation - True, but I bet they'd book better than Fenichel.
Vic Canon - HAHAHAHAHAHA! FICH DICH JUDE!
Eddie Sensation - Say what Vic?
Vic Canon - That's German for let's take a commercial break.
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Interview with Nomad [ Suddenly the lights flicker, fade, and shut off with a loud "clunk" that echoes throughout the arena. The hypnotic intro to "Carousel" by Nothingface blasts over the speakers as Nomad steps out to a volley of neon green pyro. He's wearing black Caffeine cargo pants, black combat boots, and a black long-sleeve t-shirt with the Team Ballz logo on the chest in vivid red and a stylized "TB" on each wrist in matching red. His dirty-blonde hair, once chin-length and unkempt, is now about 1 and a half inches long and spiked up. He's sporting a new blonde goatee, and his eyes are covered by a pair of Oakley X Metal Juliet sunglasses. And of course, his EWA International Championship belt is strapped tightly around his waist. Nomad enters the ring and grabs a mic ]
Nomad - All you fans at home....I can only assume that you're all tuning in tonight to EWA Tuesday Night Heat like the mindless drones Tom Stone has programmed you to be. All you fans here in the arena....I know full well you spend $40 of your hard-earned money on a ticket to come here tonight like the mindless little drones Tom Stone has programmed you to be. Good, because I have something I want all you maggots to hear. At Rock the Boat, the world witnessed something unprecedented in the wrestling business. The joining of forces so powerful that they cannot be stopped. Serial Thrylla, Chandler, Nomad, and Ethan Tyler. Team Ballz.
[ The fans boo loudly in disapproval of the mere mention of the most evil assemblage of wrestlers in history ]
Nomad - Heh. But not your parents' Team Ballz. An edgier, cutting-edge Team Ballz to push the envelope and draw ratings? Fuck no. We're not some marketing ploy slapped together by the writers and the booking committee just to make the big bucks. We're legit. We're pissed. And the world is our playground.
[ A grin flashes across Nomad's face as the fans boo, and he continues to speak ]
Nomad - We don't draw cheers. We don't cater to the fans. WE SCARE YOUR CHILDREN. Why do we do it? Because we're sick of it. Sick of the cheers, sick of the fans, sick of the adoration, sick of the autographs....sick of each and all of YOU. We all have our reasons. Some shared, some individual, but each of them more than justify our actions.
Nomad - But what are my reasons? Why did I do it? Simple. It came naturally. Do you think I gave a flying fuck when I stepped through that curtain and you all screamed your love for me? Do you think it mattered to me when I saw a Nomad sign in the crowd that some kid spent six hours on? Think again. I hate everyONE and everyTHING. ALL OF IT. This....
[ Nomad gestures to the Team Ballz logo on his chest ]
Nomad - This is just a natural progression. It doesn't matter if I'm a face. It doesn't matter if I'm a heel. I'm Nomad. I'm angry, and I hate. That simple. You people thought I was actually a good guy, that I would fight the good fight because it was the right thing to do? Ha. That just proves how mindless all you lemmings really are. Everything I've ever done has been for myself.
[ The fans stand and jeer their former gothic hero, some toss sodas and popcorn into the ring ]
Nomad - I'm not a nice guy, I'm not a people person, and I'm sure as hell not a role model. I joined Team Ballz for two reasons, and only two reasons: One, they're my friends, and I stand by them. Two, because I agree 100% with everything they've been saying and doing week after week. You want something more? You want a better reason than that? Go fuck yourselves.
Nomad - Now, there's one more issue I have to address. This title here is my pride and joy. My bread and butter. Since my return, I won it with the first shot I got and defended it time after time. At Rock the Boat, I defended it against Serial Thrylla and Ethan Tyler at the SAME TIME.
Fans - "BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!"
Nomad - My point is this: I'm running out of opponenets. Sure, there's still half a roster left. But they're all WAY under my level. So I guess it's this simple....I need an opponent. I need a challenger who....well, I need a challenger who doesn't suck. So anyone, anyone at all who thinks they're deserving of a shot at this title....come out here right now and you'll get it. Simple as that.
[ Nomad stands in the ring for several minutes waiting, but no one comes out. The fans are booing loudly, not only because they hate Nomad, but also because they're bored as hell... ]
WAKE THE FUCK UP... [ "I" by Taproot kicks over the system as pyrobombs hit the sky. 1..2..3..4 CINCO BITCH. Clanking the metal of the entrance ramp, are a pair of white Converse all-stars filled by the frame of a 6'6" 266 pound machine. With a mic in hand, the figure slowly walks towards the ring. Wearing a pair of red cargos, and a white "Madhops" promotional t-shirt, he grins and continues his journey until he reaches the metal steps that sit ringside... STOP ]
The Brink - My journey's end. Ha.
The Brink - It's been a long time, "friend". Long time no see, long time no talk, long time no care. Nomad, everyone in this worthless arena knows our past. Everyone and their mother knows what you've done to me, what you've taken from me, so now... it's MY turn.
[ He takes one step up the stairs, pausing ]
The Brink - After all I've been through lately... You'd think that shit like that would really take a lot out of a man... Well, I'd like to think I made it out alright... with a few minor drawbacks...
The Brink - One being... THAT I'VE FUCKING HAD IT WITH PRICKS LIKE YOU... and two being, THAT I'VE FUCKING HAD IT WITH TOM STONE.
[ The crowd begins to cheer loudly ]
The Brink - Why..why..why drag Tom Stone back into this? No, I'm not going to beat his ass from pitch to post..I'm gonna get him back another way.. by representing his fucking company.. I'm going to be his International Champion. Which brings me to YOU.
[ He takes another step up the steel, and stares at Nomad ]
The Brink - You happen to be the one thing stopping me. You're the brick wall at the end of my train tracks... CHOO CHOO MOTHER FUCKER, you're about to collide with three months of pent up anger.. How ya like that?...
[ The Brink steps up once more, and climbs under the top rope into the ring ]
Nomad - You want a shot at MY International Title? You want MY property?! YOU GOT IT, YOU SHIT-SUCKING LITTLE BAG OF PUKE!!!
The Brink - Thank you.
[ The Brink and Nomad face off as the camera cuts to a commercial ]
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Pre-Match Interview with Anton Bailey Rachel Stevens - Well everyone I'm here right now with one of the newest members of the Extreme Wrestling Association...Anton Bailey.
Anton Bailey - You know what Rachel..you don't have to go through and tell everyone that I'm the newest member here, because it just makes me sound like a rookie who has no skills at all. And that is as far from the truth as you can possibly get.
Rachel Stevens - Well Anton I'm sorry that..
Anton Bailey - You know what Rachel? Don't even try to apologize for your oh so many stupid mistakes. Just do what you are paid to do and ask the questions around here. Okay?
Rachel Stevens - Um..alright.
Anton Bailey - Thank you.
Rachel Stevens - Alright Anton, tonight you go into the ring with one of the legends of the EWA and a member of the EWA Hall of Fame...Serial Thrylla. How do you think you will fare against a memeber of the most dominate stable right now?
Anton Bailey - Rachel, is it just me or are you trying to make me feel intimidated by Thrylla? You make it sound as if the man is unbeatable. But despite your pathetic tries at intimidating me it still doesn't matter what you say because I'm going into that ring to do the thing that I do best...wrestle. Now just because I'm going up against what some might like to call a "Legend" doesn't mean that I'm going to change my ways. You can ask anyone I've worked with and they'll all tell you that if there is one thing that I don't posess it would have to be fear.
Rachel Stevens - Still even though you say you don't posess fear, you still have to have butterflies seeing as how this is your very first match in the EWA. Don't you?
Anton Bailey - Butterflies? What kind of a person do you think I am? A pansy? I don't get butterflies Rachel and that's the honest truth. Butterflies are for the weak at heart who think that they don't have a chance. On the other hand I know for a fact that I have chance to win this match. So why would I have butterflies?
Rachel Stevens - Well I was just saying that..
Anton Bailey - Rachel...don't. Just stop talking. Your voice annoys me and you questions piss me off. I don't know why I even stuck around this long. This inteview is over.
Rachel Stevens - Thank god.
Anton Bailey - What did you just say?
Rachel Stevens - Um..uh..nothing.
Anton Bailey - That's what I thought.
One Fall Match
Serial Thrylla vs. Anton BaileyChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall!
[ "Loose" by Primer 55 blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'4" and weighing in at 260 pounds, from Tucson, Arizona... Representing The New Resistance, Anton Bailey!
[ Anton Bailey steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "Everything's Cool" PWEI blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'2" and weighing in at 237 pounds, from Syracuse, New York... Representing Team Ballz, Serial Thrylla!
[ Serial Thrylla steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - Thrylla slides into the ring... Bailey charges with a clothesline! No! Thrylla ducks... he turns around...... WHAM!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - OH MY GOD!!!!! STANDING CRESENT KICK!!!!!! HE NAILED BAILEY WITH IT, AND HE JUST COLLAPSED TO THE MAT!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - MY GOD! THAT WAS ALMOST AS UGLY AS VIC'S MOM!
The Informer - Hey, be nice! Serial Thrylla drags the body of Anton Bailey into the corner.... Thrylla jumps! WHAM!!!! OOOOH!!!! SPLIT LEGGED MOONSAULT!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - RIGHT ON THE MONEY! Thrylla goes for the cover.... 1.... 2.... Bailey kicks out in time.
Eddie Sensation - Damn! Two kickass moves, one after the other!
The Informer - And Anton Bailey still kicked out! That takes a lot!
Vic Canon - Now Serial Thrylla is back on his feet... he throws Bailey to the ropes.... SPINEBUSTER! RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!
Eddie Sensation - Ouch! Thats 3 in a row!
The Informer - Thrylla is now climbing to the top rope! He stands there for a second... then jumps!
Vic Canon - LOOK OUT!! OOH!!! ELBOW DROP OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - DAMN!! FOUR!!!!
The Informer - He goes for the cover.... the ref counts.... 1...... 2........ NOH!!!! Bailey kicks out AGAIN!
Vic Canon - And now Thrylla is yelling at the ref, telling him to hurry the hell up with his count!
Eddie Sensation - He should! Look at how long it took him to count that last one!
The Informer - Well, whatever... Serial Thrylla now rolls the body of Anton Bailey onto the outside! Oh, great... now he's going to try and kill Bailey!
Vic Canon - WHAM! You guessed it! Bailey just met the EWA Ring Post! And now he's on the cold concrete floor!
Eddie Sensation - The ref is out there giving Serial Thrylla shit... but Thrylla is just ignoring him!
The Informer - As usual... Thrylla picks up Bailey, and grabs him in a bear hug!! WHAM!!! OOH!! LOWER BACK, RIGHT INTO THE RING POST!!!!
Vic Canon - DAMN!!! Bailey is taking a beating!!!
Eddie Sensation - HA! Welcome to the EWA!!!
The Informer - Serial Thrylla is finally rolling Bailey back into the ring!
Vic Canon - Hey, look! LOOK!!!
[ Cody Covington is seen walking down the entrance aisle, looking behind him every 2 or 3 seconds... ]
Eddie Sensation - Its Cody Covington! And he's still alive?! DAMN! I guess Team Ballz didnt find him!
The Informer - LOOK OUT!!! HERE THEY COME NOW!!! CHANDLER, TYLER AND NOMAD ARE ALL OUT HERE!!! THEY'RE ATTACKING CODY COVINGTON!!!!!
Vic Canon - HOLY SHIT! LOOK AT THEM KICK HIM!!!!! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL THE GUY!!!
Eddie Sensation - GUYS, GUYS!!! BACK TO THE RING!!
The Informer - Right.... Thrylla hooks Bailey... TILT-A-WHIRL SUPLEX!! And now look! Nomad is getting on the ring apron! For what?!
Vic Canon - THATS WHY! ETHAN TYLER IS GETTING INTO THE RING, WITH A HOCKEY STICK!
Eddie Sensation - And look at Chandler!! He's KNEEING Covington's face into the steel steps!!! DAMN!!!!!
The Informer - Thrylla stands behind the fallen Anton Bailey, who slowly gets up... Tyler swings!
WHAM! [ Bailey jumps out of the way JUST IN TIME, but Tyler's hockey stick is still moving. As he follows through, he completely misses Bailey, and NAILS Serial Thrylla right in his bad knee. Thrylla collapses to the mat immediatly, and holds his knee. His face says it all... He's in a world of pain. ]
Vic Canon - OH MY GOD!!!! TYLER NAILED THRYLLA IN HIS BAD KNEE!!! THRYLLA IS DOWN!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - AND LOOK!!! HERE COMES THORN AND VIRULENT.... THE REST OF THE NEW RESISTANCE!!!!
The Informer - THORN NAILES CHANDLER WITH A CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL, THEN PULLS NOMAD OFF THE APRON!
Vic Canon - MEANWHILE, IN THE RING.... BAILEY CLOTHESLINE'S ETHAN TYLER OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!!!! AND NOW BAILEY IS GOING FOR THE PIN ON THE INJURED SERIAL THRYLLA!!!
Eddie Sensation - THE REF TURNS, AND COUNTS.......
The Informer - 1.......... 2............. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - WHAT?!?!? OH MY GOD!!! BAILEY HAS DONE IT!!! ANTON BAILEY HAS DEFEATED SERIAL THRYLLA!!!!!!!
Chris Myers - And the winner of this match.... Anton Bailey!
Eddie Sensation - DAMN!!!!!! LOOK AT THIS DAMN RING! ITS A MESS!!!!!!!
The Informer - CODY COVINGTON IS ALL OVER ETHAN TYLER!!!!!! THORN AND CHANDLER ARE BRAWLING IT OUT..... AND NOMAD IS GETTING DOUBLE TEAMED BY BAILEY AND VIRULENT!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - AND HERE COMES THE BRINK!!!!!!! THE BRINK IS ON HIS WAY TO THE RING!!!!!!!!!! AND HE COLLIDES WITH NOMAD!!!!!! NOMAD AND THE BRINK ARE GOING AT IT, THORN AND CHANDLER, COVINGTON AND TYLER..... THIS IS CRAZY!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - THRYLLA IS STILL OUT!!! HIS KNEE MUST BE IN BAD CONDITION!!!!!!!!
[ DOZENS of officials fill the ringside area, and break up the two teams.... ]
The Informer - MY GOD! This is CHAOS! Look at all these officials!
Vic Canon - Screw the officials! LOOK AT THE RING! Thorn, Cody Covington, The Brink, Virulent and Anton Bailey are all in the ring, and ALL weaing "New Resistance" T-Shirts!!!!! This IS The New Resistance! Brink and Cody included! Thorn said he wasnt done!
Eddie Sensation - Dammit, screw them! Look over there! Thrylla is still down on the outside! And now Ethan Tyler is running over... he cant beleive what he did! But it was an accident!
The Informer - This wont sit well with Thrylla! Tyler is carrying Thrylla to the back...
Vic Canon - Team Ballz is re-grouping! This could be the answer to Team Ballz folks!
Eddie Sensation - DAMN! This is BIG!!!
The Informer - DAMN RIGHT! But we're out of time! For Vic Canon and Eddie Sensation... I'm The Informer! Thanks for joining us, and dont miss out NEXT WEEK on Heat! THE NEW RESISTANCE IS HERE!!! THIS COULD BE A CRACK IN TEAM BALLZ!!! THIS IS THE NEW CHAPTER IN THE EWA, AND WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED!
Vic Canon - SO LONG FOLKS!
