[ The camera brings us to a shot of the EWA symbol, which quickly fades to black. We then see a montage of clips from the EWA's last Tuesday Night Heat show. After a 2-3 minute video is show, the EWA Tuesday Night Heat video is played. Many clips of past matches, current superstars and pyro are shown. We are then brought to a shot of inside the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, California, where THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of fans have flooded the Arrowhead Pond! After a quick view of the fans signs, we are brought to a shot of the annouce table, where The Informer, Vic Canon and Eddie Sensation are ready to kick of Tuesday Night Heat... ]The Informer - This week, we've packed the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, California for EWA TUESDAY NIGHT HEAT! Welcome fans, to what promises to be a great episode of Heat!
Vic Canon - We're only 4 days away from our next great extravaganza... Rock The Boat! There's a lot of tention going on, and we hope that it's going to get out tonight!
Eddie Sensation - Well, we've got 6 matches scheduled... thats it... but knowing the EWA, there will be a lot more then that happening tonight!
The Informer - Some of the matches for tonight include: Divine taking on Travis Gaines... Tiki Tortez stepping in the ring with El GiGante!...
Vic Canon - Eric Walther and Don Michaels will go at it, One on One!
Eddie Sensation - Arthryn will defend his North American Title against Rocky Blonde!
The Informer - Also, Drew Norwood and Howell will get it on, one on one! With No-Interference Rules applying!
Vic Canon - And, lastly... Chandler and Serial Thrylla will team up to take on Nomad and Thorn in some good ole' Tag Team Action!
Eddie Sensation - [Covers his face and whispers] what a moron!
The Informer - So, lets not waste anymore time! Lets get this show on the road!
Backstage... [ Scene opens: The camera is locked outback on a black 2000 Dodge Viper that has just entered the parking lot. As the engine stops, the drivers door opens and out steps a man about 6'5, 230 something pounds. He's wearing a pair of darks shades to compliment the miliatarian style hair cut along with the slightly appearent sideburns and goatee with no stache. As this man walks closer to the back entrance of the arena we see that he is dressed in long black leather pants along with a pair of suede shoes and a white shirt that reads G.O.D. on it. He calmly makes his way in, throwing his black trentch coat out of his way of walking. As he throws open the door he tosses his cigarette to the ground and enters. As the camera enters as well, that man has disappeared somewhere in the back stage vacinity of the arena. The camera goes back to ringside. ]
Recorded Earlier [ The scene opens with Johnny Rage, sitting in front of a camera, just sorta rambling ]
Johnny Rage - Emo. The Merriem-Webster Online Dictionary defines Emo as "No articles were found that match what you entered". But, alas, emo is much more then that. Emo is a feeling, like hunger, or pain, or love. You feel emo. Right now ladies and gentleman, I feel emo. One of my good friends from school just left us recently. And when I say school, I mean wrestling school. The Justin Thibeault School of Wrestling. Not many of you know Justin I assaume. The Justin Thibeault School of Wrestling was the EWA equilivent to the Funkin Dojo back in the early on EWA's history. That's where me and Rick were trained before Stoney signed us to a contract...along with a few other men. Long Time EWA employee Farooq went there...as did Al Capone, Vietnam Sam, and DMX's little brother, RMX. Man...those were the days. I remember the nite after our graduation...
CUE TRIPPY FLASHBACK MUSIC ( Ed. Note: Hum some Dune to yourself. And hey, if you don't know who Dune is...consider yourself fortunate. God I think trance techno sucks cock. Same shit over and over again. Boop Boop De Doop Boop...Boop Boop De Doop Boop...Doot Doot...Boop Boop De Doop--- )
Johnny Rage - JUST GET ON WITH THE FLASHBACK!!!
( Ed Note: Sorry )
[ Anyway, now that we are flashedback, the setting is Justin Thibeaults house in Providence, Rhode Island, where a graduation party is being held. "I Wish" by Skee Lo playes in the background. Jack Daniels is flowing like wine...or something. Sorry, its a bad comparison. I apologize. Anyway, the above cast of characters are there. Rage, Ramos, Thibeault, Al Capone, Farooq, RMX, and Vietnam Sam ]
( Ed Note: Please bear in mind I'm well aware it is impossible for the public to see into Johnny Rage's mind. But then again, this is the world of E-Wrestling. Hell, only in e-wrestling can the whole Timmy Aaron Jr. Dave Fienchal controvery exist because Ethan Tyler pinned TBL at a ppv without TBL's approval...so it all balances out, I suppose )
Justin Thibeault - Guys...HEY! GUYS!!! QUIET DOWN!!!
Guys - [Quiet down]
Justin Thibeault - First, let me say, I'm proud of each and every one of you. You are graduates of THE JUSTIN THIBEAULT SCHOOL OF WRESTLING!!!
Guys - [Cheer loudly... a soft cry of "Kill Whitey" is heard in the background]
Justin Thibeault - What the hell? Farooq, was that you?
Faarooq - Uhh...it was Ramos.
Rick Ramos - GRUNT?!?
Justin Thibeault - Rick, now you know how I feel about killing the white man. I am opposed to it.
RMX - alfmnagoasntge!
Justin Thibeault - Exactly. Now, Tomorrow, you guys will be under contract as official EWA Wrestlers...except you RMX. I'm sorry, but you are just terrible.
RMX - aglmafoent!!!
Justin Thibeault - But, for tonite, you are all free to get hammered! And, I have a special gift for all of you! I bought a prostitute for you all. Ladies and Gentleman...
Rick Ramos - Grunt?
Justin Thibeault - Err, Gentleman, I give you....MANDI THE WHORE!!!!
Mandi, the Whore - Please, thats Mandi The Prostitue.
Faarooq - Hey, Justin, you got any dark meat all up in this peice?
Justin Thibeault - Nope. Sorry Farooq. I only had $3.05 cents on me. Plus I need a couple bucks for a soda and some gum.
Vietnam Sam - Don't Worry man, It doesn't matter what color they are on the outside, its all pink on the inside. ICH ESSE DIE MILZ IHRES ERSTEN KINDES!!!
RMX - You will eat the spleen of my first born child?
Johnny Rage - Whoa, I actually understood that.
RMX - goamuaoudsnt!!!
Johnny Rage - Of course he only understands and can translate german...why do we meet all the fucked up ones.
Rick Ramos - Grunt?
Johnny Rage - Yes Rick, its genetic. Why didn't I think of that.
Faarooq - Come on baby, its time for you to experience some chocolate thunder.
Mandi, the Prostitute - Umm...
Faarooq - [Pimpslaps her] GET ON MY SHIT, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYATCH!!!
Mandi, the Prostitute - [Rides Farooqs shit]
Rick Ramos - GRUNT!!!
Al Capone - [Nods] TOMMY GUN DDT! BANGBANGBANG!!!
Justin Thibeault - I never knew Farooq was so...so...
Johnny Rage - Huge?
Justin Thibeault - No...
Johnny Rage - Thick?
Justin Thibeault - No...
Johnny Rage - Long?
Justin Thibeault - No, I was thinking along the lines of....small.
Johnny Rage - [Ponders] Now that you mention it, Farooq is small...for a black man. I mean, sure, he's still 203.2 millimeters (for all you canucks out there, its a salute to the metric system! Now kindly please go fuck yourselves and bring back inches, feet, and miles).
Faarooq - I'm...gonna...cum...
Mandi, the Prostituwhore - Terrific.
Al Capone - TOMMY GUN DDT!!! [Drives Farooq down onto the floor with the vicious manuver]
Faarooq - MY PRECIOUS ORGASM!!!!
Rick Ramos - GRUNT!!!
Faarooq - I CAN'T CONTROL THE AIM!!!!
Faarooq's Load - [Blows]
RMX - agoamfoasunre! [The load blows a shotgun sized hole in his chest]
Faarooq - DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN. Bitch, that woulda blow a hole out the back yo poon.
Mandi, the Call Girl - NEXT!!!
RMX - aoaoiurm!!!
Mandi, the Prostitute - I dunno, you are bleeding pretty bad. Shouldn't you get medical assistance?
Justin Thibeault - [Hands RMX a Flinstones Band-Aid] There!
RMX - [Presses the Band-Aid to his chest...and watches as it sinks down into his exposed Rib Cage]
Rick Ramos - Grunt!!!
Johnny Rage - Don't worry Rick, he'll be dead soon.
Justin Thibeault - How's about we give Mandi the Prostitute a little break. I mean, she did ride one of the smallest black men in the world at a mere 8 inches. Hell, that Kearse kid is already well over 16 feet.
Faarooq - Fuck you, honkey ass bitch. The Black Panthers will return and our day of vengance will be had.
Justin Thibeault - LETS ALL GET DRUNK AND PLAY FOOSBALL!!!
[ ECW Style Flash Foward...BUT BE SURE YOU DON'T FLASH FOWARD TOO FAR, OR YOU'LL END UP IN THE PRESENT!!!...and I should mention, by this point, everyone is pretty well hammered now ]
Justin Thibeault - What....do you all hope to do in the futurrrrrrrre? What are your dreams?
Vietnam Sam - [Passes out]
Rick Ramos - Grnt. Grrrrtnr. GRUNT!
Johnny Rage - Rick, you are slurring your speech. I can't understand you.
Rick Ramos - Grtntunt.
Justin Thibeault - Al Capone, what are your dreams?
Al Capone - I want to be the best. I want everyone to feel the wrath of the Tommy Gun DDT. I want my name to be fared and respected around the Globe at the same time. I...I...I'm good! I'm good I tell you! WATCH THIS SHIT!!! [Picks up the limp body of Vietnam Sam, and drives it to the ground]
Vietnam Sam - NO SELLS! WOOOOOOOOOO! CHARLIE IN THE TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!!!!
Justin Thibeault - HEY! SAM! SELL THAT! I TAUGHT YOU TO SELL AT MY SCHOOL!!! SELL THAT DDT LIKE YOU WERE JUST SHOT!!!
Vietnam Sam - [Drops to the ground]
Justin Thibeault - Better. What about you Farooq? What are your dreams.
Faarooq - Well....right now..I gotta piss. Lets hope I hit the toilet. [Stands up] Ohh...I just shit my pants.
Justin Thibeault - Thats horrible.
Faarooq - I really can't hold my liquor.
[ Suddenly, Mandi the Prostitue bursts into the room ]
Mandi, the Prostitute - Umm...that other guy finally bled out.
RMX - [Dies]
Mandi, the Prostitute - I think you owe me double now.
Justin Thibeault - No.
Mandi, the Prostitute - BUT I HAD SEX WITH A DEAD MAN...COUGHwithoutrealizingitfor20minutesCOUGH.
Rick Ramos - Grunt?
Johnny Rage - Yeah, I can see how that snapped you back to sobritity. How did you not realize it?
Mandi, the Prostitute - Rigamortis set in. It was kinda...kinky.
Faarooq - I'm gonna be sick.
Vietnam Sam - [Still selling]
Justin Thibeault - GOOD JOB SAM! Johnny, what are your dreams and hopes?
Johnny Rage - Me personally? Well...I want to be known as one half of one of the greatest tag teams of all time. I want to win the belts as many times as my heros, The Dudley Boyz have in ECW. I want Rick and I to be respected world wide for our talents. I want to be paid millions just to go out in front of millions of rabid fans every year, just to do something I find fun.
Justin Thibeault - Thats beautiful.
Rick Ramos - GRUNT!!!
Johnny Rage - And of course Rick wants to have sex with 2 twelve year olds at the same time.
Rick Ramos - Grunt Grunt Grunt.
Johnny Rage - Unprotected, of course.
Rick Ramos - Grunt.
Johnny Rage - "If they are old enough to pee, they are old enough for me" Thats a great motto to go through life with Rick...
[ Fade Out of the Flashback. Fade Ahead to the present day, where we see Johnny Rage again. The scene opens with Johnny Rage, sitting in front of a camera, just sorta rambling ]
Johnny Rage - Yep...Justin taught me everything I've ever known. Its because of him that I am where I am today. Justin harbored my dreams, my thoughts, my wishes, my desires. And Kresses, I am dedicating this match to Justin's memory. Sunday, we will go out, and we will pin you, and Rick and I will become EWA champs for the 4th time in our career 6th overall...and you guys will finally be put in your place, as the second best Tag Team in EWA History.
Rick Ramos - Grunt?
Johnny Rage - Where did Justin Go? Vacation. He went to Ohio for a week....
[ Fade to Black ]
The Informer - That....was....pretty.....damn.....
Vic Canon - ....yeah.....pretty..damn...
Eddie Sensation - FUCKED!
The Informer - Thank you, Eddie!
[ The camera switches to a shot of the Parking Lot, where the Regulators are entering the building... ]
The Informer - There they are now! The Regulators have entered the Arrowhead Pond here in Anaheim!
Vic Canon - HEY! LOOK OUT!!! THERE'S DA BJ BOYZ!! THEY'RE ATTACKING THE REGULATORS!!!
[ Each BJ Boy nails a Regulator with their Tag Team Title. They leave the Regulators laying on the ground, and walk away. ]
Eddie Sensation - HAHA!! CHEAP SHOT!!! I LOVE IT!!!
The Informer - DA BJ BOYZ HAVE JUST ATTACKED THE REGULATORS! AND I GUARANTEE THERE WILL BE MORE TO THIS!!! STAY TUNED!!!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Pre-Match Interview with Travis Gaines Rob DiMarco - Hey EWA fans! I'm back! It's me! Rob DiMarco! And I'm currently standing beside Travis Gaines, who will step in the ring with an EWA veteran Divine, just five nights before EWA's mid-summer extravaganza. What are your thoughts on the up coming match?
Travis Gaines - People think just because I'm a new comer here in EWA, I can't get the job done, People think I don't have what it takes. Well everytime I hear someone say he can't do this, he will never make it, That just makes my fire burn, If the people say it think that there pissing me off, There right, they are....
[ Suddenly, Zed enters the picture... ]
Travis Gaines - ...And I feel sorry for Divine, Because he is facing a Very, Very Pissed of Travis Gaines tonight on heat.
Rob DiMarco - Well since you have broke into the EWA...
[ Zed grabs a spare mic, and starts shoving it in Rob's face. DiMarco does nothing but move it out of the way... ]
Rob DiMarco - ....uhh, you havn't proven yourself too well... You've lost two matches in a row, and you are 1 match below 500...
[ Suddenly, Zed shoves the microphone near DiMarco's ass! ]
Rob DiMarco - You must be... AHHHH!!!!!
Zed - ...uhh, you must be looking for a win tonight!!!!
Travis Gaines - Yes, Carrying a win into the PPV would help alot, And yes I have lost two matches in a row, but tonight, I can carry a win into the Pay Per veiw, and I can end that streak, Stop it dead.
Zed - Over to you Rachel!!!
Pre-Match Interview with Divine Rachel Stevens - Well, right now I'm supposed to talk to Divine about his match with Travis Gaines, but I cant seem to find him anywhere...Hold on, I guess I'll just check his locker room...
[ Rachel Stevens walks towards Divine's locker room and knocks on the door. ]
Divine - Come iiinnnn!!
[ Rachel Stevens walks in and begins to gag and choke. ]
Rachel Stevens - Oh my God!!! What's that smell?!?!?
[ Divine is sitting in a dark corner of the room. He slowly gets up and walks into the light. As Divine comes closer you can see that he is still covered in the shit from last week's HEAT and is totally naked The camera only shoots Divine from the waist up to avoid any nudity. ]
Rachel Stevens - Divine...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? Why didnt you wash that off of your body?!?
Divine - Rachel...Right now, I'm not really in a mood to talk, but since you and I always seem to be able to have some meaningful "Girl Talk" every now and then, I'll give you a few words. Last week I was covered in shit by three other men....AND I LOVED IT!!! I thought about washing it off, but this shit means something to me, and I dont think I'll EVER wash it off!!
Rachel Stevens - But what about tonight? What about your match with Travis Gaines?
Divine - What about it? Travis was one of the men who did this to me! I owe him something special!! Perhaps tonight...we can have a repeat of last weeks HEAT!!
Rachel Stevens - I dont think that's going to happen Divine, I've heard on good authority that Tom Stone has said if any fecal matter comes into play tonight you'll be suspended indefinitely!
Divine - OOOOH!! I love it when Tom lays down the law!! But tonight, I'm going to lay some of my own law down on Travis Gaines. Last week he flirted with me, but never called. I sat by my phone anxiously waiting for Travis to give me a ring, but the son of a bitch NEVER CALLED ME!!!
Rachel Stevens - Maybe because you didn't wash off the crap...
Divine - Maybe...who knows? Who cares? I've got to go Rachel...Good-bye...
[ "In a Big Country" by Big Country starts to play as Divine bends over and starts to spread his ass cheeks. Rachel Stevens covers the camera and flees from the room. ]
One Fall Match
Divine vs. Travis GainesChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall!
[ "I Defy" by Machine Head blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 5'11" and weighing in at 230 pounds, from Sea Isle City, New Jersey, "That Damn Good" Travis "The Future" Gaines!
[ "That Damn Good" Travis "The Future" Gaines steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... accompanied to the ring by Tito, standing 6'8" and weighing in at 325 pounds, from Candy Land, Divine!
[ Tito and Divine step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
The Informer - The bell has sounded, this match is underway!
Vic Canon - Divine and Travis Gaines circle around the ring... again... and again and again! Finally Divine lunges at him and takes him down to the mat!
Eddie Sensation - There's no way Gaines was going to get out of that one! Divine's 325 pound body would take ANYONE down... especially if they smelt as bad as he did!
The Informer - Yuck! As we all know, Divine is STILL covered in that poop from last week's Poop on a Pole Match... which I find quite disturbing.
Vic Canon - Poor Gaines! ...Divine starts throwing punches towards the head and face area of Gaines! Look out! Gaines flips Divine, and he lands on his back on the opposite side of the ring!
Eddie Sensation - Haha! We're in a damn circus!
The Informer - Gaines gets up, and drops a knee on the face on Divine! Divine rolls around on the mat in pain!
Vic Canon - Gaines picks him up, and throws him to the ropes... he catches him... Backbreaker! Well, that sort of sucked! ...Gaines let go way too early, thus causing Divine to just fall to the mat.
Eddie Sensation - Well I think Gaines realized that Divine is still covered in that crap, and he doesnt want to touch him!
The Informer - For once, I think you're right Eddie!
Vic Canon - Gaines stomps away at the body of Divine... and begins to climb to the top rope!
Eddie Sensation - But Divine is already getting up! Gaines is going to be in some trouble now!
The Informer - Gaines stands on the top rope, and jumps at Divine with a drop kick! No! Divine catches his legs, and drops him to the mat on his back! Divine spreads his legs apart.....!!!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - OOH!!! LOW BLOW!!!! Gaines is going to feel that one for a few days!
Eddie Sensation - Haha! Good! Thats what he gets for boring me to death with his promos and matches!
The Informer - Be nice Eddie! Divine just stands there, waiting for Gaines to get up! Travis Gaines gets to his feet, and stumbles over towards Divine! He swings with a clothesline, but Divine ducks! Gaines turns around.....
Vic Canon - EEEEEW!!!! OH GOD NO!!! DIVINE JUST PLANTED A HUGE KISS ON TRAVIS GAINES! I THINK GAINES IS OUT COLD, AND IN SHOCK!!!
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!!! The ref is checking on Gaines... I think Divine bit his damn tongue off!
The Informer - Aww man! That's disgusting! Wait a minute! Look! El GiGante just came out from under the ring! He's in the ring.... LOOK OUT!!! OOOH!!!! LOW BLOW ON DIVINE!!!!
Vic Canon - And the big gay man is down!! He landed with a thud!
Eddie Sensation - Ha! I think you're right! And I think the ref heard the thud! The ref is checking on Divine now! And LOOK!! TIKI TORTEZ HAS MADE HIS WAY DOWN TO RINGSIDE!!
The Informer - Tortez grabs Gaines by the leg, and pulls him out of the ring! He sets up Gaines.... OOOOH!!!! FACE FIRST INTO THE RING POST!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - And here comes El GiGante! He's kicking at the body of Travis Gaines! GiGante picks up Gaines.... and throws him into the waiting arms of Tiki Tortez!
Eddie Sensation - Tortez scoops him up... OOOH!!! TRICK OR TREAT, RIGHT ON THE CONCRETE! And now GiGante is throwing Gaines back into the ring! The ref didn't even see what happened!
The Informer - And now look! Divine is crawling over to make the cover! Gaines is out, Divine has it won!!
Vic Canon - The ref counts.... 1..... 2..... 3!!!!!
Chris Myers - And the winner of this match, Divine!
Eddie Sensation - Damn! Smart thinking by Divine! He got the win without even doing much wrestling!
The Informer - Well, a win is a win! But something tells me that Divine and Travis Gaines aren't done with Tiki Tortez and El GiGante! We all know those two have a match later on... I think we'll see Divine and Gaines during that match!
Vic Canon - Well duh, Informer! Thats like... COMMON SENSE!
Eddie Sensation - Vic, are you jewish?
Vic Canon - No, why?
Eddie Sensation - Oh, okay.... Just asking....
The Informer - Fans, we'll be right back!
Backstage... [ The camera man is following a man of wrestler physique down a hallway with several locker rooms on it, featuring Chandler, Serial Thrylla, Nuno Nitrowalawitz , Howell, Vinny D, and many other stars. The man has a Wal-Mart bag in his hand filled with little books and brochures. He's humming "Smash Your Radio" from Sister Machine Gun to himself and may not know that he's being followed. ]
Voice - Wow wow wow-wow-wuh-wow wow wow Smash Your Radio! Wow wow wow-wow-wuh-wow wow wow Smash Your... Hmmm, I bet he'll like this one....
[ He digs into a the bag and pulls out a door knob tag, with a pamphlet attached to it. It falls off but he bends down and puts it back on Vince's door again. He still has no clue the camera is just a few feet behind him. He goes over to Chandler's door and pulls a thin roll of duct tape out of his pocket, and tapes a book to the door below his name tag. Moving on... ]
Voice - Jimmity jippers Boothroid! We have a special nook and crannie for you!
[ He puts the remainder of the things on Serial Thrylla's and Tiki's door. Finally he walks off without the camera following him, and it checks out the books and pamphlets on the doors. On Chandler's Door it is just a piece of cardboard covering a copy of a bible quote. ]
"The great day of the Lord is near. It is near and coming quickly. Listen! The cry on that day will be bitter... That day will be a day of wrath, a day of distress and anguish, a day of trouble and ruin, a day of darkness and gloom, a day of clouds and blackness, a day of trumpet and battle cry against fortified cities and against the corner towers. I will bring distress on the people and they will walk like blind men, because they have sinned against the Lord. Their blood will be poured out like dust and their entrails like filth. Neither their silver nor their gold will be able to save them on the day of the Lord's wrath. In the fire of His jealousy the whole world will be consumed, for He will make a sudden end of all who live on the earth...Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, you who do what He commands. Seek righteousness, seek humility; perhaps you will be sheltered on the day of the Lord's anger." Zephaniah 1:14-18 2:3 [ This same thing was on Howell and ZeD's doors. On Tiki's door, it reads... ]
"Jewish Religious Beliefs: A Simple Guide To Convertion, Believe In Us Because We Believe In You" [ And on Vince's door... ]
"Chad And Bob's Coin Collecting Book: The Children's Easiest And Fastest Ways To Raise The Value Of Silver Money, And Learn The History Behind Them" [ And finally, on Serial Thrylla's door, a thick book that had to cost a lot of money, and smuggling... ]
"Anarachy Cookbook" [ The camera cuts off the shot and fades out leaving a big "?" above everybody's head... ]
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
[ The camera cuts to somewhere in the hallways backstage. ]
Travis Gaines - This sucks, I can't believe they would do something like that!
Divine - I know...if they are going to suck, then they should at least do it the right way.
Travis Gaines - Whatever man...you are one sick person. We need to get them back!
Divine - I have a couple ideas [snickers]
Travis Gaines - Um...I don't think you should be mentioning those on television...you could give grown men nightmares.
Divine - Yeah, that could be true. But, we would never know unless we try.
Travis Gaines - Well...no. But, I have an idea. I say we get a little payback tonight. Are you thinking what I am thinking?
Divine - Possibly...does it involve pink underwear, a can of peas, 3 forks, and that Cryderman's dog "Koozma"?
Travis Gaines - Hell no! But that does sound intriguing. Here is what I think we should do tonight...
[ Gaines whispers something into the ear of Divine. After getting some sort of erotic feeling, Divine calms down and agrees. The two of them walk to the back ]
Pre-Match Interview with Rocky Blonde Rachel Stevens - Well I'm here in the back area with Rocky Blonde and Joe. Rocky how do feel about getting a shot at the title you oncel held the North American Title.
Rocky Blonde - How do I feel about it, well I feel grrrrreat. I'm glad I can get a shot, and I'm finally happy that I'm back up there in the rankings, I was there before and now I'm back, and I want that damm title.
Rachel Stevens - Well will Johnny Flash be joining you and Joe to the ring or will he be watching from the back.
Rocky Blonde - BACK!! He'll be watching from the back, I told him I didn't need is help out here. So he'll watching it from the back area of the arena.
Rachel Stevens - Well Rocky I wish you good luck in your match tonight.
Rocky Blonde - Thanks honey how about coming over to my hotel after the show tonight.
Rachel Stevens - I beg your pardon, get out of here Rocky!
Pre-Match Interview with Arthryn Zed - Arthryn, tonight you take Rocky Blonde one on one. Any thoughts you might want to share?
Arthryn - Of course. Tonight, I'll just kick the living shit out of Rocky Blonde, have a bite of the Rocky Chocolate bar, taste it, and then spit it right on his face. Blonde is going to have his teeth knocked out of his mouth, bounce on the ropes and stuck right on his eyes. Because as opposed to your chocolate bar, Blonde, does not melt on Heat. I'll beat you up so badly, you'll be known as Rocky Purple. So badly, I'll turn you brunette. So badly...
Zed - Enough. Now, how about Vince DiNardo? Won't he interfere?
Arthryn - Look, if he decides to interfere, then so be it. I'm going to kick the living crap out of him as well. Vince DiNardo has stepped over the line quite too much now. Arthryn will not accept that. Vinny D, come down if you fucking dare, 'cause I'll knock your lights out, shove your penis up your rectum, and then kick it 'til it turns blue.
Zed - Anything else?
Arthryn - Anything else would be uncivilized...but do I look like a guy who cares? I think not. And if making a piece of monkey's shit out of Rocky Blonde tonight is uncivilized...I JUST DONT GIVE A FUCK!
Zed - Back to you, or whatever.
EWA North American Title Match
Arthryn vs. Rocky BlondeChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the EWA North American Championship!
[ "Champion" by Buju Banton blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by Joe, standing 6'1" and weighing in at 235 pounds, from Brooklyn, New York, Rocky Blonde!
[ Joe and Rocky Blonde step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
[ "Hangman Jury" by Aerosmith blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'10" and weighing in at 312 pounds, from San Juan, Puerto Rico, the EWA North American Champion, Arthryn!
[ The EWA North American Champion, Arthryn steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - And FOR ONCE, we haven't seen much of Vinny D! Arthryn has finally been in peace for one night, and now he's set to take on Rocky Blonde!
Vic Canon - And there's the bell!! Rocky Blonde charges at Arthryn with a clothesline... Arthryn ducks, and nails Blonde with a side kick! Blonde goes flying into the corner! Arthryn walks into the corner...
Eddie Sensation - OH!!! Attempted low blow by Blonde was blocked, and now Arthryn is pissed! You NEVER get caught trying for a low blow... he's a dead man!
The Informer - Arthryn still has a hold of Rocky's leg! He lifts it up... and up... and up! Wow! That leg is HIGH above Blonde's head!
Vic Canon - Rocky Blonde is screaming in pain! Finally, Arthryn lets go, and proceeds to kick and punch Blonde!
Eddie Sensation - Blonde is now sitting in the corner.... OOOH!!! ARTHRYN WITH A KNEE TO THE MOUTH!!! DAMN! THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK!!!
The Informer - Arthryn picks up Blonde, and brings him into the middle of the ring. Arthryn locks him in.... GERMAN SUPLEX! ...with a release! Rocky Blonde lands hard on his back and neck!
Vic Canon - But Arthryn isn't done! He picks up Blonde, and throws him to the ropes! Blonde comes running back.... Drop Toe Hold by Arthryn! He bounces off the ropes.... OH!!! LEG DROP on the back of Rocky Blonde's head!
Eddie Sensation - HA!!! How does the mat taste Blonde boy?!?!
The Informer - Hey... look! Here comes Johnny Flash! And he's got a steel chair!
Vic Canon - Rocky is going to be pissed! He left specific instructions for Johnny Flash to stay BACKSTAGE!
Eddie Sensation - Yeah, well if someone like Rocky Blonde told me that.... I wouldn't listen either! I mean, it's not like there's anything to be scared of!!
The Informer - Arthyrn lifts Blonde to his feet... and Johnny Flash is on the apron! Flash is yelling something at Arthryn... but I dont think Arthryn can hear him!
Vic Canon - The he must be deaf, because Johnny Flash is only about 5 feet away from him!
Eddie Sensation - Flash lifts the chair above his head... He swings!
The Informer - LOOK OUT!! OOOH!!!! OH NO!!! ARTHRYN DUCKED, AND JOHNNY FLASH NAILED ROCKY BLONDE WITH THE CHAIR.... SQUARE IN THE FORHEAD!!!
Vic Canon - But was it intentional?!?! I mean, look at the smile on Johnny Flash's face! I dont think he's upset at all!
Eddie Sensation - And Arthryn... what a genius! He saw it coming, so he waited... then ducked!
The Informer - And now Arthryn has Rocky Blonde right where he wants him! Arthryn picks him up to his feet.... LOOK OUT!
Vic Canon - WHAM!
Eddie Sensation - OH!!!!
The Informer - EXECUTION! ROCKY BLONDE IS DONE, PUT A FORK IN HIM! 1...... 2....... 3!!!
Chris Myers - The winner of this match, and STILL EWA North American Champion... Arthryn!
Vic Canon - And now look at Johnny Flash! He's trying to help Rocky Blonde to his feet! What a two-face!
Eddie Sensation - Look! Blonde just realized it was him! And now he's refusing his help! But Johnny Flash is insisting on it!
The Informer - Wait a minute... Rocky Blonde just shoved Johnny Flash! And Flash shoved him back!
Vic Canon - Uh oh! Trouble in paradise!
Eddie Sensation - HA! LOOK AT BLONDE! HE'S LEAVING! HAHAHA!! WHAT A WUSS!!!
The Informer - Well, Rocky Blonde obviously doesn't want to ruin his friendship with Johnny Flash... so he decided to leave! Simple as that!
Vic Canon - Regardless, Arthryn has picked up another win in the EWA... He's on his way up the success ladder!
The Informer - Well fans, it's time for another quick commercial break... Don't go anywhere!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Suddenly... [ "Cemetary Gates" by Pantera starts to play and the lights in the arena dim. A "Fu Man Crew" logo flashes over the EWA Big Screen and the fans are on their feet cheering. The Fu Man Crew logo slowly fades away and it goes black then lights up with shots of the EWA Tag Team champions, Da Bj BOYZ. After a few seconds the Kress Brothers come through the curtain followed by Scott Sanders. Adam Kress is wearing his EWA Tag Team Championship belt tightly around his waist while Brian has his over his shoulder. Brian takes a look at the sold out crowd then smiles and high fives his brother three times. Brian and Scott Sanders are both wearing gray Scott Sanders' "Money From Stone" T-shirts and skin tight leather pants while Adam has on a sleeveless "Fu Man Crew" T-shirt and black jeans. Brian takes off his silver ray ban sunglasses and tucks them into his shirt collar as the trio begins to make their way to the ring. On the way down the aisle Adam and Brian high five as many fans as they can. One fan has a "God Bless Adam Kress" sign and a picture of Scott Sanders' face on a woman's body. Adam and Brian laugh but Scott seems hurt. The Kress Express enter the ring while "The Losing Legend" holds the ropes. Adam takes a microphone from a ring attendant then waits a few moments for the music to stop playing. After the crowd stops it's "Fu Man Crew" chant, Adam starts to speak. ]
Adam Kress - Yes, yes, Fu Man Crew ... but tonight the little matter we have to take care of is a little bigger than the Fu Man Crew. You see, last week two washed up has-beens came out here and tried to steal our thunder, and that is one thing that you NEVER do! These two washed up hacks tried to come out here and jump in our spotlight. Not only did they ruin our victory celebration, but more importantly ... they ruined the moment. They ruined a moment that I personally, had been waiting close to 8 months for!!! They ruined our reunion with OUR tag team titles dammit ... now I cant speak for my big bro Brian, but I wanted to hold my championship belt in the center of that ring...I wanted to fondle it .... I wanted to caress it ... but it was ruined by the two homosexual love partners!!! Oh, forgive me, in case you fans don't know who I'm talking about when I speak of the two pee-pee suckers, I'm talking about The Regulators!!!
[ The crowd begins to boo. ]
Adam Kress - YES!! BOO!! BOO FOR THE REGULATORS!!! BOO LOUDER!!! They are idiots!! Don't they know what they've gotten themselves into here?!? Don't they know they've played with fire?!? They could've been successful in the EWA and stayed far, far away from us ... but now they've gone and got themselves into a big heapin helpin of T-R-O-U-B-L-E, trouble!! Sorry, but I had to spell it out for the Regs, they are extremely slow.
Brian Kress - Stop rambling and just get to the point you moron!
Adam Kress - Oh yeah ... well, last week they issued a challenge, and this week, we're gonna give our response to their challenge. And our response is...WE REJECT THEIR DAMN CHALLENGE!!!
[ The crowd gets a little silent and looks around. ]
Adam Kress - Ha, that's right. We reject their challenge, because they are no challenge, but we would be more than happy to kick their punk asses this Sunday on the high seas!! That's right ... this Sunday, LIVE ON PAY-PER-VIEW, The Bj BOYZ are gonna end this little "Best Tag Team Ever" controversy by kicking the Regulators asses on that cruise ship and throwing them over board!!! This match isn't just going to be about who deserves the tag team titles, it's going to be about who's the best and who wants it the most, and in the end you know it's gonna be the Bj BOYZ!!! The time for talking is over boys, and this Sunday ... Tom Stone had better be on life guard duty because The Regs are taking a little dip ... I just hope they can swim and that Tom knows CPR!!!
[ Brian hands his Tag Team title to Scott Sanders then takes the microphone from Adam and starts to speak. ]
Brian Kress - Ya know? This thing is starting to get on my nerves big time. Ever since Da Bj BOYZ started out we've been told how "The Regulators" are the best tag team in recent wrestling history. We tried to break out from being considered only "second-best." So we won the eWWa Tag Titles first off, began our EWA Title Reign which is the LONGEST title reign EVER, bagged the FWF Tag Team Titles, NHBWF was DOMINATED by Hostile Youth 2000, and now ... add the EWA Straps for the second time. Speaking of those FWF Tag Team titles, you know who we won those titles off of?? We beat not only the Dungeon Masters ... but also The Regulators who were holding the tag titles at that time. At that point we beat The Regulators ... plain and simple ... yet we still are considered number dos to them. Well, this come Sunday ... the better team will prevail ... and whoever walks out with those tag team titles ... WILL BE THE NUMBER ONE TAG TEAM! No more no-shows, no bullshit ending, this Sunday ... the winner of our match ... if it will be us ... no wait, WHEN WE DO RETAIN OUR TITLES!
[ Brian stops and catches his breath as the crowd cheers him on... ]
Brian Kress - When we walk into those locker rooms ... I'm expecting ALL OF YOU PEOPLE WHO DENIED US! ALL OF YOU MEN WHO SAID WE WERE MERE RIP-OFFS! I WANT YOU ALL ON YOUR KNEES ... BOWING TO THE CHAMPIONS!!! THERE'S NO WAY DODGING THIS ... THIS SUNDAY ... ITS MORE THAN THE EWA TAG TITLES ... ITS MORE THAN A WIN ... ITS RECOGNITION!!
[ Brian slams down the microphone which Scott Sanders scoops up really quick... ]
Scott Sanders - You heard the man!! THIS SUNDAY!! BJ's VERSUS REGULATORS!! THE TRUE NUMBER ONE TEAM WILL WALK OUT VICTORIOUS!!!
[ Scott Sanders is interrupted by "Cemetery Gates," and when he looks around in the ring he is all alone. The Super Kress Brothers are at the top of the rampway posing for the crowd. ]
The Informer - WAIT A MINUTE! LOOK!! THERE'S THE REGULATORS!! THEY'RE RIGHT BEHIND DA BJ BOYZ, AND THE KRESS' DONT EVEN REALIZE IT!!!!
Vic Canon - WHACK! WHAM!!!! OH MAN!!! THE REGS JUST TOOK OUT DA BJ BOYZ WITH TWO HOCKEY STICKS!!!!! AND NOW THEY'RE HOLDING THE EWA TAG TITLES OVER THEIR HEADS!!! THESE FANS ARE GOING CRAZY!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - LOOK AT SCOTT SANDERS!! HE'S GOING TO SHIT HIS PANTS!!!
The Informer - THE REGULATORS ARE JUST POINTING AT HIM AND LAUGHING!! AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOING TO CRY!!!
[ The Regulators drop the Tag Titles on top of Da BJ Boyz' chests, and disappear behind the curtain... ]
Pre-Match Interview with Eric Walther [ Rachel Stevens is standing in the back, waiting. Eric Walther comes striding into the picture, wearing a long black sleeveless leather duster and a pair of camo fatigues. Stevens gives him a glance, like where have you been, then turns to the camera. ]
Rachel Stevens - I'm here with my guest for the second week in a row, "Rifleman" Eric Walther. Mr. Walther...
[ Stevens gets cut off as Walther steps closer to her, towering over her. ]
Eric Walther Miss Stevens, you made a very large mistake while interviewing my opponent for tonight. You're lucky that my background won't allow me to strike a woman. You commented that this match was a bug match, since everyone expected The Superstar to squash me. Well, maybe that's true. Maybe I'm a barely tested rookie, who thinks that he's really good. Maybe so. But I'll tell you one thing. You all saw how I took apart Masta Baiter, err, Red. He went for his big move, the Masta Plex, and yet I somehow managed to slip out and get the win. What makes Michaels think that I'm not about to pull a repeat performance?
Rachel Stevens - [Slightly shaken] Well, that was Masta Red, and this is Don Michaels. The Superstar. He's classes above Masta Red, classes above most of the roster, and certainly classes above you.
Eric Walther Classes above me in past history, true. Classes above me in name recognition, true. Classes above me in EWA achievements, true. Classes above me when it comes to kicking ass right there in the middle of that ring. Not a chance. Michaels is really, really arrogant. A deaf, dumb, and blind person could feel the arrogance radiating off of him. But his arrogance will be his downfall. No one has EVER underestimated Eric Walther that badly, and lived to tell about it. No one ever will. I'm planning on taking Michaels through Basic Training all over again, because someone needs to fix his sorry ass attitude.
Rachel Stevens - Anything else Mr. Walther?
Eric Walther That's Mr. Walther, sir to you. And no. There isn't anything else. Nothing else but the asskicking that I'm about to deliver to the supposed Superstar.
[ Walther strides away towards the ring area, leaving Rachel Stevens to wrap up the interview in his wake. ]
Pre-Match Interview with Don Michaels Zed - I'm here right now with The $uperstar Don Michaels and I--
[ Michaels looks at Zed and then laughs. ]
Zed - What's so funny??
Don Michaels - What you've stooped to Zed, what you've stooped to.
[ Michaels snaps his fingers and his personal goon squad the Paparazzi appear from everywhere and nowhere. Zed finds himself surrounded in seconds. Don Michaels grabs Zed's microphone, and begins to speak. ]
Don Michaels - He's not worthy to be in my pressence, take him away.
[ The Paparazzi drag Zed down the hallway. Even though he was once a legend among men. He's no match for Michaels high priced muscle, as they carry him down the hallway, through him into a broom closet and lock the door. ]
Don Michaels - Now that he's out of the way the fans can hear the one voice, in fact the only voice, that they've paid to listen to. The voice of The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The $uperstar himself. The voice of Don Michaels.
Don Michaels - Isn't it funny how much a person can change in a week? One week before Global Threat Hamric and Hayes were all over the airwaves, making threats and talking trash. Now where are they, after I gave them a taste of my greatness at Global Threat. Now where are they after I've taken back Jeanine Trujillo, and they can't hide behind a defenseless woman anymore. I'll tell you where they are, thier hiding somewhere in Canada, hoping that Tom Stone doesn't book another match between us. Hoping, and praying that by some act of God, I forget what they've done to the woman I love. Well Hayes, Hamric, I won't forget. Starting today the EWA is under a new spotlight my spotlight, and the first person standing under that spotlight is a punk by the name of Eric Walther. Eric, I'm going to make an example of you. I'm going to show the entire world why I'm the $uperstar and you're nothing more than a stage-hand, an extra in a red shirt. So get ready for the beating of your life Eric. It's time for a $uperstar Style Smackdown.
[ Michaels and company begin to walk off when they hear the muffled screams of Zed. ]
Zed - Let me the out of here Michaels, I've got a team of lawyers
[ Michaels and the Paparazzi stop in their tracks and head back to the broom closet all the while Michaels is Autographing an 8 x10 glossy photo of himself. The Paparazzi open the door and Zed bolts out, only to be shoved back in. Michaels then tosses the Autographed photo into the closet with Zed, and The Paparazzi slam it shut! Michaels and crew walk away laughing. ]
Backstage... [ The camera cuts backstage and shows a ping-pong table in the middle of the hallway floor all set up. There is food and cookies on trays all facied on the top too, and a constant drip on the left to the floor. From the side comes a flame that ignites the table on fire, and quickly forms a text figure. ]
"Blue Haired Bongos and Jelly Bellied Fairies Make Chinese Moon Rats" [ The camera returns at ringside.... ]
One Fall Match
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels vs. "The Rifleman" Eric WaltherThe Informer - What the hell was that?!
Vic Canon - I have no idea!
Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall!
[ "My Way" by Frank Sinatra blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by Jeanine Trujillo, standing 6'3" and weighing in at 249 pounds, from Brooklyn, New York, "The $uperstar" Don Michaels!
[ Jeanine Trujillo and "The $uperstar" Don Michaels step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
[ "Last Resort" by Papa Roach blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'9" and weighing in at 297 pounds, from Dusseldorf, Germany, "The Rifleman" Eric Walther!
[ "The Rifleman" Eric Walther steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - Damn! The Paparazzi have almost surrounded Eric Walther! They've left him no place to go except in the ring!
Vic Canon - And why wouldn't he go in the ring? He's no coward... no Don Michaels!
Eddie Sensation - How about you say that a bit louder? This way that man in the ring.... yes, that 6'3" 250 punder... this way he can KILL YOU!
The Informer - Haha! Well, Walther is in the ring.. and the bell has sounded!
Vic Canon - They lock up... Don Michaels shoves Walther back into the corner, but releases the hold on the referee's orders! Michaels backs up... Walther begins to walk into the middle of the ring....
Eddie Sensation - WHAM! HAHAHA!!!
The Informer - Those damn Paparazzi just tripped Walther! And he's pissed! He's got his back turned to Don Michaels... and that's something you just dont do!
Vic Canon - Michaels grabs him by the hair.... Reverse DDT! He goes for the cover... 1.... 2.... No! Eric Walther kicks out in time.
Eddie Sensation - Don Michaels is back on his feet, and he's lifting Walther to his!
The Informer - Michaels throws Walther to the rope.... Michaels swings for The $uperkick! LOOK OUT! No! Walther ducked it, and bounced off the ropes!
Vic Canon - "The $uperstar" tries again for that lethal kick... but Walther ducks it again! Walther bounces off the ropes.... WHAM! OH MAN! THE PAPARAZZI JUST NAILED WALTHER IN THE BACK WITH A CHAIR! BUT THE REF DIDN'T SEE IT!
Eddie Sensation - Walther stumbles foward... Michaels kicks him in the gut, DDT! And he goes for the cover! The referee counts... 1.... 2.... No! Kickout!
The Informer - Don Michaels lifts him to his feet again, and pokes him in the eye! What a damn cheap shot!
Vic Canon - And Michaels applies The Brooklyn Bridge! A Bow and Arrow Stretch!
Eddie Sensation - The ref is asking Walther if he gives up.. but Walther is telling him where to go! Haha!
The Informer - Oh no! Look at this! The referee isn't watching, so Don Michaels is using The Paparazzi for leverage!
Vic Canon - And listen to Walther scream in pain! But Michaels releases the hold!
Eddie Sensation - What a moron! That was his ticket to winning!
The Informer - Michaels grabs Walther by the hair, and begins to lift him to his feet... NO! WALTHER WITH AN INSIDE CRADLE!!! THE REF COUNTS, 1.... 2.... OOOH!!! MICHAELS GOT OUT JUST IN TIME!!!
Vic Canon - Damn! That came out of nowhere!
Eddie Sensation - [Slaps Vic in the back of the head] And so did that! HAHAHA!!!
The Informer - Guys! Calm down! Vic... easy!
Vic Canon - [Staring at Eddie] ........
Eddie Sensation - Ooooh!!! Look at me shake! I'm soooo scared! HAHA!!!
The Informer - Can we call the match please?! Don Michaels is up, and he's pissed! He charges at Walther.... but Walther reverses it into a hip toss! Michaels gets up again... Drop Kick by Walther! Michaels gets to his feet.... And Walther clotheslines him over the top rope, right into the Paparazzi!
Vic Canon - LOOK OUT! WALTHER IS ON THE TOP ROPE!
Eddie Sensation - AHHHH!!!!!
The Informer - OH MAN!!! WALTHER JUST TOOK OUT THE ENTIRE PAPARAZZI, AND DON MICHAELS!
Vic Canon - Walther grabs Michaels, and throws him into the ring! Eric Walther slides in... and ducks a clothesline attempt by Don Michaels!
Eddie Sensation - "The Rifleman" Eric Walther grabs Michaels in a Belly-To-Back position.... GERMAN SUPLEX!
The Informer - INTO A PIN! THE REF COUNTS!
Vic Canon - 1..... 2..... 3!!!!!!
Chris Myers - And the winner of this match... Eric Walther!
Eddie Sensation - MY GOD! MICHAELS IS STUNNED! AND THE PAPARAZZI HAVE HIT THE RING!!!
The Informer - THEY'RE BEATING ON A DEFENSELESS ERIC WALTHER!!! IT'S 5 ON ONE!!!
Vic Canon - And now Walther can't even move! Now what's going on? What are they doing?
[ Michaels lifts the stunned Eric Walther off the ground by his hair. One of the Paparazzi then hand him a gold glossy pen. Michaels uncaps it and proceeds to write across The Rifleman's face. It reads. ]
"Work hard, and maybe someday you'll be like me. A real man. Who's not afraid to get his hands dirty. f--- you very much, and keep working out kid. You can be something special some day. The $uperstar." [ Michaels and crew laugh as the fans jeer his actions, and begin to toss things into the ring at him. As Eric Walther begins to revive himself, Michaels motions for two of the Paparazzi to head back stage. As they do so Michaels lays the boots to Eric Walther. ]
[ The jeers grow even louder, and Michaels begins to duck as cups of soda are tossed in his direction. The two other members of The Paparazzi return from backstage pushing an open dumpster. As they reach the ring apron they too get nailed by popcorn and all other manner of debris. ]
Don Michaels - Come on people. Don't hate, congradulate! Eric Walther is now the newest member of the ever growing Don Michaels fan club!
[ Michaels and the two Paparazzi in the ring lift the helpless Rifleman, and toss him from the ring down into the dumpster, the lid slams shut as "The Rifleman's" body crashes into the dumpsters metal wall, revealing "The Official Don Michaels Fan Club" etched in gold on the lids top. ]
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Suddenly... [ "Hangman Jury" by Aerosmith explodes through the sound system, only to reveal 2 men on the entranceway. They are Eric Walther and Arthryn. As they walk by ringside, that man that was seen earlier stepping out of the Dodge Viper and was wearing a black trentch coat is now seen sitting in the crowd on the top of an exit sign.The camera focus in to see the man smile at Arthryn as he just non chalantly lays back and watches the what's going on. Both men walk together towards the ring, certainly acknoledging but ignoring the man that just smiled at them as the fans show their dislike for Walther and Arthryn. They step into ring, and without much hestitation ]
The Informer - Hey! Look! There are Myst, and Kurt Poser!
Eddie Sensation - WHO?
The Informer - Myst... a former WCWF World Champion! And Kurt Poser, who held that title when the federation sadly shut down! These two are now in the EWA? WOW!!!
Arthryn - Awww, fuck y'all. As I was coming down the ramp towards the ring, I noticed how that girl over there touched my chest. Now, I know Arthryn's body is something you'd desire to have in between your arms, but fact of the matter is, you look like a slut girl, and Arthryn doesn't do sluts. Not anymore at least. But enough about that slut, and lets keep on going. I am Arthryn! Your...
[ Interrupted by the boo's of the crowd ]
Arthryn - Look. I am Arthryn! Your...
[ Interrupted by the crowd's booing once again ]
Arthryn - I AM ARTHRYN! YOUR GODDAMN, MOTHER FUCKING, PUSSY-LICKING NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION! And if none of you like it, suck me. Today, I have an important announcement. As Arthryn steps up one more level each week he comes out here, he needs to get more air time, more 'pushes' as you marks call it...more of everything. So today, I'm going to host a special part of this program. It's called "A minute with Arthryn". In this minute, I will have a guest in the show, and just have fun and relax for a while. Today, today it is an open invitation. Whoever wants to be the guest tonight, speak now...or forever hold your peace.
[ Vinny D's music plays. The lights dim, and a bike is heard throughout the PA system. The fans stand on their feet, as a figure on a bike is seen coming down the rampway. As he approaches the ring, Arthryn stands confidently, with a smile on his face. As the figure steps down from the bike, and enters the ring, Arthryn starts laughing hysterically when he notices the figure limping his way into the ring. As he removes the helmet, a toothless impersonator, dressed as Vinny D stands in front of Arthryn. One testicle hanging out from his jeans, he stands with confidence in front of Arthryn. Out of nowhere, Walther and Arthryn start beating the shit out of this poor man, mercilessly. After a while of beating, Arthryn takes the microphone again ]
Arthryn - See. Just like Vinny D right here, it's a matter of time before we start taking out each and every stupid fucking superstar there is in this federation. Because we're not only the best or the baddest. We're just blood looking out for each other. We're just basically...a family.
[ As the men are walking at ringside, heading out of the place, the mysterious man seen at the beginning of the interview can be seen once again in the crowd. This time he is standing among the fans. He finishes off a beer, and puts out a cigarette which he lit during the course of the interview. He then pushes his coat back some and extends out a finger to both men out of the ring. As the camera focus' in on his face one last time, the glasses are removed. The camera then looks one last time into the man's eyes. He then begins to smile. Suddenly the lights flicker for a split second at the most and the man is gone just like that. Arthryn and Walther continue their way backstage, talking to each other about what just happened and pointing at Myst ]
Pre-Match Interview with Drew Norwood Zed - I am here with "Shadowhawk" Drew Norwood, who is set to take on Howell in a no-interference match in just a few moments. Shadowhawk, the last couple of weeks, you and Howell have done nothing but attack each other from behind. Can you control yourselves enough in a match tonight with no one else allowed to get involved?
[ Norwood turns from the camera to address Zed. ]
Drew Norwood - Zed, this match is not about control. This match is about respect. Howell has continually disrespected my ability as a member of the armed forces of America, and tonight, he shall get what is coming to him...a sound defeat by my hands.
Zed - Howell has mentionned that the ring is his realm, and that you cannot hold your own against him in the squared circle. Your reaction to those words?
[ Norwood turns his attention back to the camera. ]
Drew Norwood - Howell, since when have you been able to stake a claim on your in-ring prowess? The last few times you have stepped down that ramp and climbed those steps, your matches have ended in bitter defeat for your so-called "skills" in the ring. Tonight will be no different, because I will show the EWA and you exactly what my training and fiom viewing have prepared me for during my time with The Phoenix Organization.
Zed - What caused you to include the no interference clause in this match? After all, we have seen once before what the members of The Phoenix Pentagon seem to be able to accomplish when they work together...
Drew Norwood - Tonight is not about teamwork, although it is a trait that Phoenix exemplifies. Tonight is about one man facing another man in a heated conflict that has gone on long enough without a match. No interference is the best way to ensure that what people see tonight is a fair and true defeat for Howell. Tonight, the dispute may not be settled, but someone will walk out of there victorious, and it will not be Howell. The backstage events we have had have been going on long enough, and the heat that has come about between us has prepared us both for a war in that ring tonight. But Howell, you need to ask yourself one question as you step inside the ring tonight...
[ Camera zooms in for a closeup of Norwood's face. ]
Drew Norwood - Are you prepared for YOUR Silent Flight?
[ Norwood marches off towards the entrance area. ]
Zed - Guys, I think Shadowhawk could seriously extend Howell's losing streak tonight...he seems to have a fire in his eyes. Now, let's go over to Rachel, who's with Howell.
Pre-Match Interview with Howell Rachel Stevens - Here with me is Howell, tonight Howell takes on "Shadowhawk" Drew Norwood, now my question is how do you feel that this is a "No-Interference" match?
Howell - Hey, you know what that mens....his little army friends can't try and kick my ass again! And what does that mean for our friend...well not my friend...but Drew Norwood? He is gonig to get HIS ASS KICKED!! HAHAHAHA!! Without his friends he is a nobody, one little solider lost in a war. And you know in this war, good won't prevail this time. You think you are the greatest piece of shit on the Earth just because you have served the United States in foreign wars...well that it fine...but shooting a man is a lot different then getting a three count. You see you can't use any of your fancy army equipment on me son, I'm not Saddam Hussein....but Norwood I am worse then Hussein. He is nothing compared to me...and tonight you'll see what it is like to go one on one with someone who doesn't care about anything because making sure you wake up in a hospital bed tomorrow.
Rachel Stevens - Also Drew Norwood is talking about respect...how he should be respected by the World for his accomplishments in the past. Why is it that you still do not respect Drew Norwood?
Howell - RESPECT?! WHY THE HELL DON'T I RESPECT DREW NORWOOD?! Rachel you are even stupider then I thought. I don't care what the hell he has done, fought in wars, they have 15 year olds do that now for christ sake, so anyone can fight a war. Did he win the war? NO!! Did he kill anybody in the war? Probably not, and that is why I can't respect the guy. I mean you cross enemy lines, you have a target and as he aims his gun right at the guy's head, what does he do? He probably threw down his gun and started talking about how great the United States are, and then get shot in the arm. So this guy isn't just cowardly and gutless, he is stupid as hell. You can join the army, but does that mean you can wrestle? Hahaha...it is going to be a pleasure kicking your ass and showing it takes a lot more to wrestle then join the army. And Norwood, remember, never hunt what you can't kill!!
Rachel Stevens - Back to you guys at ringside.
No Interference Match
"Shadowhawk" Drew Norwood vs. HowellChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a No Interference Match!
[ The arena gets dark and a dim light shines on the entrance ramp... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'4" and weighing in at 248 pounds, from Parts Unknown, Howell!
[ Howell steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "There Goes the Neighborhood" by Sheryl Crow blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'7" and weighing in at 271 pounds, from Grey Eagle, Minnesota, "Shadowhawk" Drew Norwood!
[ "Shadowhawk" Drew Norwood steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - Look out! Howell has ran out of the ring to meet Norwood in the entrance ramp! They're brawling up and down the entrance aisle!
Vic Canon - OOH!! Norwood just threw Howell into the steel guardrail! And now Drew Norwood is heading towards the ring, with Howell by his hair!
Eddie Sensation - HA! Howell is punching Norwood in the kidneys! Shadowhawk won't let go of his hair!
The Informer - Howell grabs Norwood, and rams him straight into the ring post! Damn! That'll make him let go!
Vic Canon - Norwood is now seated against the steel steps! Howell takes a few steps back... and runs at full speed towards Norwood!
Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT!!!! WHAM!!!!
The Informer - OH GOD!!! OH GOD NO!!! NORWOOD JUST PULLED THE REFEREE IN THE WAY OF HOWELL, AND THE TWO COLLIDED! THE REF IS DOWN, AND SO IS HOWELL!
Vic Canon - And now Norwood is making his way to his feet! He grabs the steel steps, and lifts them high above his head! He walks towards Howell.....
Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT! OH!!! NO!!! NO!!! HOWELL KICKED NORWOOD STRAIGHT IN THE NUTS! LOW BLOW BY HOWELL! AND NORWOOD DROPPED THE STEEL STEPS!
The Informer - Now what's Howell doing?! He's looking under the ring for something!
Vic Canon - What does he have? What's that?
Eddie Sensation - Damn! That looks like a massive Lead Pipe to me!!
The Informer - Oh PLEASE NO! DON'T USE THAT!! DONT EVEN THINK OF IT!!!
Vic Canon - I think he's doing a lot more then just thinking about it Informer! Norwood is up.... Howell charges at him!
Eddie Sensation - OOH!!!
The Informer - LEAD PIPE TO THE STOMACH OF NORWOOD! OOOH!!! AND NOW ACROSS THE BACK OF THE NECK! NORWOOD IS OUT COLD!!!
Vic Canon - Howell grabs Norwood, and throws him in the ring. Now Howell is walking towards the referee!
Eddie Sensation - Howell is lifting the ref to his feet, and putting him back into the ring! Now Norwood and the ref are both in the ring!
The Informer - Now Howell slides in! Will that pipe to the stomach and neck be enough to win Howell the match?!?!
Vic Canon - He goes for the cover... the ref counts! 1.... 2......... 3!!!!!!
Chris Myers - And the winner of this match... Howell!
Eddie Sensation - DAMN! HOWELL WINS! HOWELL BEAT DREW NORWOOD!
The Informer - Norwood is going to be PISSED!
[ As Howell begins to walk back up the ramp as the fans boo, Norwood somehow gets a mic while still laying on the mat in some pain. ]
Drew Norwood - Wait just one minute, you cheating son-of-a-b*tch!
[ The fans pop loudly as Howell turns around. Norwood helps himself back up on his feet and points at Howell. ]
Drew Norwood - You come out here and claim that the ring is your realm, and then you have to resort to using a lead pipe to beat me?
[ Howell smirks as Norwood walks around the ring. ]
Drew Norwood - Alright...if you want to get dirty and underhanded, then how about a rematch at Rock the Boat?
[ Loud pop as Howell stands there smiling. He gets a mic from an assistant. ]
Howell - You want more of this, Norwood? Fine by me...but this time, it will be a No Disqualification match!
[ Norwood looks around to get a reaction from the fans, who love the idea. Norwood smiles and brings the microphone back up to his lips. ]
Drew Norwood - It's a deal.
[ Howell turns to walk to the back. ]
Drew Norwood - But that's not all...
[ The crowd starts buzzing as Howell turns back around. ]
Drew Norwood - This time, we go into MY realm! I'm calling you out for a Marine Destruction Match! We will be inside a deserted Marine supply warehouse with electrical mines all over the floor. If one of us steps or lands on one, we get stunned temporarily by the shock. Along the walls of the warehouse will be explosive mines that are linked to a single remote outside the building. The first person to get outside and set off the mines wins the match, regardless of whether their opponent is inside or not!
[ Huge pop from the fans as Howell starts going nuts. ]
Drew Norwood - This time, make no mistake about it, I will BURY you in a pile of rubble. Your time of getting your way in this struggle will be OVER, and I will walk away victorious. So the question you must ask yourself is not "Am I prepared for my Silent Flight?", Howell. The question you need to ask yourself, and the question which I will answer for you at Rock The Boat is this: Are you prepared to get your ass kicked by a Marine?
[ Norwood drops the mic and stares down Howell as the fans pop once again. ]
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Backstage... [ The show airs again from commercial break. It sits still showing the brick wall on the outside of the building with red spraypaint all over it. The camera zooms out and it says "BOO" in thick block letters overlapping each other. Very artistic and neat. ]
Man - What the fuck? Was this just here a minute ago?
[ Out from the side of the camera walks a tall and stiff man towards the wall. The camera couldn't get a hold of his face except he has a thin Go-T with a white stripe in the center of it. He walks towards the wall and looks to be sniffing the paint for fresh fumes. He backs away coughing heavily.. He found what he was looking for. ]
Familiar Voice - What'd you think it was? A fuckin' peel off brick wall sticker!? Scratch and sniff to shit your pants, while your mommy sucks my ass!!!
[ The camera blacks out.... ]
Backstage... [ Eric Walther and Arthryn are standing backstage, with the bike on their side, talking about what happened out there, when they encountered Myst ]
Arthryn - Ok, what the hell is Myst doing here? What the fuck is he doing here? Walther, did you invite him?
Eric Walther - Right.
Arthryn - What the hell can he be doing here? Is he with us? Against us? What the hell does he want? Last I saw him...he lost the WCWF title to Poser! What the hell does he want now?
Eric Walther - I don't fucking know!
Arthryn - Well, we need to find out soon! If he's with us, he's welcome to join. After all, he's a former WCWF'ite, and he was a good friend of mine. But I see him changed somehow. He's different this time around.
Eric Walther - Myst's a pussy. Always has been, always will be. He's always hiding behind that Lord of Darkness shit. Afraid to step into the light, and take the beating that he has coming to him. He does seem different, but at the core, he still knows that he can't beat any one of us. He's afraid. Because while he talks a good game, he just doesn't have the juice to back it up.
Arthryn - Well whatever, let's roll out of here with our bike. Hahahahahah, our bike. Stupid-ass bikers. All they do is start the engine, ride the bike and whack off. Now Vinny D can only whack off! HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!
[ Out of nowhere, Vinny D his Arthryn in the back of the head with a chair, laying him out cold. Walther notices this, turns around to see Vinny D. As he starts beating on DiNardo, a second man, who's figure can't be recognized, comes from behind Walther and whacks him with a kendo stick. After some more shots on Walther, Vinny D sits on his bike, and looks the 2 fallen men ]
Vinny D - At Rock the Boat, Arthryn. You and your friend Walther here have a match. It's already signed. You and Walther vs Vince DiNardo and his mystery partner! ha! Lets get out of here!
[ As they both leave, only Walther gets up, a bit roughed up, but surprisingly standing after the beating these 2 men received. He helps Arthryn up to his feet. Arthryn is seemingly almost unconscious, as Walther helps him out of there. Only Walther can be heard saying some words ]
Eric Walther - These men will pay for their actions. Pay fucking dearly.
[ With this, both Arthryn and Walther leave the backstage area, and into a medical facilty to get Arthryn some help ]
Backstage... [ The camera shows Rob DiMarco talking to another EWA Staff member backstage... Suddenly, Zed walks up to DiMarco, and pulls his hair!! ]
Rob DiMarco - EEEKK!!! EEEKK!!! EEEKK!!! MY HAIR!!! [Begins crying]
Zed - [Laughs like a little girl] hee hee hee!!! Take that!!!
[ Zed skips down the hallway, with a huge smile on his face. ]
Suddenly... [ The lights in the arena suddenly go out and the arena turns pitch black. Suddenly "I Am A Real American" begins to play over the EWA speakers... ]
Eddie Sensation - Who the hell invited Hulk Hogan here?!
The Informer - I doubt that's who's coming out here....
Vic Canon - Maybe it's a new EWA superstar?
Eddie Sensation - Or Vic's real father! HAHAHA!!!
[ A big shady figure stands at the end of the entrance ramp... ]
The Informer - OH MY GOD FANS!! IT'S.... IT'S... IT'S...
Vic Canon - NICK DIAMANTE??? BUT I THOUGHT HE'S RETIRED!!!
Eddie Sensation - AND HE'S DRESSED LIKE SANTA CLAUSE!!! HAHA!!
[ The big, red Santa Clause with a white beard and red elf like hat slowly walks to the ring, as his fat ass and belly hang out of his tight santa pants... ]
The Informer - Wait a second... That's not Nick! That's someone dressed up like Nick... and it looks like Brian Kress!!!
Vic Canon - Damn! Look at his fat jiggle into the ring!
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!! Just like Vic's Mom getting into bed!
[ "Shake Your Bon Bon" by Ricky Martin interupts the music of Nicky Clause.... ]
The Informer - What the hell? Whats going on now?
Vic Canon - Look! At the top of the ramp!!!
[ A familiar figure stands at the top of the entrance way wearing a cheap K-Mart suit and a blond haired Micheal Bolton Tupee. He begins to dance and shout his way to the ring... shaking his ass profusely... ]
Eddie Sensation - HA! TOM STONE! ITS TOM STONE!
The Informer - Shut up Eddie! Thats not Tom! That's that homo Divine dressed as his dreamlover!!!
Vic Canon - Something's going on here guys!! Brian Kress is dressed as Nick Diamante, and Divine is dressed as Tom Stone! And we still have 3 members of the Fu Man Crew left!
[ The EWA lights go out once more... as "Ball Breaker" by AC/DC begins to play. The blackness is interupted by the EWA Big Screen that begins to show different types of testicles. Big onee, small ones, and even elephant ones. The testicles disappear and the words "WE'VE GOT MORE BALLZ" appears on the Big Screen! ]
The Informer - What the....?
Vic Canon - That was DISGUSTING!!! I think I'm going to be sick!!!
Eddie Sensation - Did someone let Vic's kids out of the house again with no pants on??? HAHAHA!!!
[ Suddenly both Chandler and Serial Thrylla step out from behind the curtain and make their way towards the ring with serious mug shot faces on! ]
The Informer - That's not Chandler and Thrylla! Its Chris Jericho, as Chandler... and Adam Kress as Serial Thrylla! And they look ready to fight...
Vic Canon - What the hell is going on out here??? Last week the Fu Man Crew set The Hollywood Worm on fire.... who knows what they'll do next!! They should be in jail!
Eddie Sensation - They did us a favor by getting rid of that idiot Hollywood Worm!!!
The Informer - But wait... WaR CrYmE is missing! Where's he at?
[ Suddenly, the old Ted DiBiase theme "Money" begins to play over the EWA speakers. The fans begin to question what is going on, but as they watch, Vinny D steps out and down the entrance ramp with a mic in his hand ]
"The Mexican Peso" Vinny D - I don't know what you think your doing!!! The COMMISIONER has a few things to say to you idiot Fu Man Crew members!!!
[ Vinny D gets into the ring with style hopping over the top rope. ]
Vic Canon - You asked for him and you got him!! It's WaR CrYmE's turn...
"The Mexican Peso" Vinny D - The Commisioner says... put your hands up!
[ The 3 EWA superstar immataters and one Tom Stone wannabe put their hands up in the air.... ]
"The Mexican Peso" Vinny D - Now run on the spot while you grunt like pigs!
[ The four look at each other... ]
"The Mexican Peso" Vinny D - I SAID RUN YOU FAT LARDS....
[ The fake Chandler decides to take the mic and begins to talk with a Mike Tyson lisp ]
Chandler - But... But.. we don't like runnin'! We just wrestlers who think they know everyting... But we don't like runnin' Vinny!
[ The commisioner wipes the spit off of his face as the crowd laughs hysterically and begins to cheer... ]
The Informer - Right hand by Vince to the big chin of Chris Jericho... I mean Chandler!
Vic Canon - Looks like we're going to have a match here! NO! WAIT! Jeric--I mean Chandler has the mic again!
Chandler - And now EWA fans...
The Informer - That sounds like Jericho to me....
Chandler - THE FU MAN CREW PRESENTS TO YOU... JURASIC PARK 3--THE RETURN OF THE DINOSAURS: AN OVER THE TOP BATTLE ROYAL!!!
Vic Canon - What the hell?!?! What the hell are they doing???
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!!! OH MY RIBS!!! JURASIC PARK 3!!!!
The Informer - Their just running slowly from rope to rope! Look at that ring shake!!!
Vic Canon - Their not even fighting, but the fans are LOVING it!!! They're cheering their heads off!
The Informer - OH MY! Adam Kre--I mean Thrylla just got clothelined by Chandler...or Chris Jericho! Their supposed to work together if their REALLY a stable!!!
Vic Canon - Thrylla IS ELIMINATED! We're down to four!
Eddie Sensation - LOOK AT NICKY CLAUSE'S FAT JIGGLE!!! HE LOOKS LIKE PROFESSOR CLUMP!!!
The Informer - OH NO!!! NICK WAS JUST ELIMINATED BY CHANDLER!!! HE WENT...well...
Vic Canon - Gently rolling over the top rope!
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!!!
The Informer - We're down to just 3 men... Divine, WaR CrYmE, and Jericho!
Eddie Sensation - Or, for you FMC fans, TIM SPERM, "The Mexican Peso" Vinny D, and Chandilier!!!
Vic Canon - I can't belive Tom hasn't stopped this nonsense yet...
Eddie Sensation - WHAT?! THE FANS LOVE IT!!! THEY'RE GOING NUTS!!! I LOVE IT!
The Informer - He's right Vic! And after all the crap Team Ballz put us through, it serves them right! Im calling this damn match!
Vic Canon - OH MY GOD! Chandler just drop kicked The Mexican Peso Vinny D over the top rope and to the outside...
Eddie Sensation - He's eliminated...WE'RE DOWN TO 2!!! TIM VERSUS CHANDLER!!!
[ Suddenly the lights go out one more time... and an eery feeling fills the arena. Smoke can be seen on the floor, and "American Bad Ass" by Kid Rock begins ot play.... ]
The Informer - OH GOD...NOW WHAT!!!
Vic Canon - TOM STONE??? THE REAL AMERICAN BAD ASS????
Eddie Sensation - Look at the top of the ramp... IT'S THE REGULATORS!!!
The Informer - What the? Look at them! They're wearing huge black trenchcoats, Black hats and black leather boots!
Vic Canon - Look at Jericho and Divine! Their on their knees!
Eddie Sensation - Divine should be used to it....
[ The Regulators enter the ring on opposite sides of the ring.... ]
The Informer - Their walking over and standing right in front of Jericho!
Rick Ramos - BBBBAAAAAHHH!!!!! I MEAN..... GRUNT!
Johnny Rage - We have seen your performance... and are pleased. We would like to join your great, formidable group and maybe one day, we can be as great as The BJ Boys... our heroes!!
The Informer - What the hell??? Is this for real??? The Regs are joining FMC???
Vic Canon - Jericho and Divine still in their stupid costumes are getting up and smiling!
The Informer - Wait a minute... The Regs are getting on their knees!
Vic Canon - Jericho and Divine are up.. WAIT! NO! THEY JUST SPIT IN THE FACE OF THE REGULATORS!!!
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!!! Their not even good enough to get into the FMC!!!
Vic Canon - Wow... This is unbelivable... and WE'RE STILL DOWN TO 2 MEN!
Eddie Sensation - .....Jericho and Divine slapped The Regs in the face!!! HA!! I LOVE IT!!
The Informer - Wait a second.... I don't think that was the Regulators!! Look, their hats fell off! And I think I see Brain and Adam Kress under those huge trenchcoats!!! I think the FMC is trying to get across a message to A LOT of EWA superstars tonight!
Vic Canon - LOOK! Tom threw one of the Regula--I mean BJ Boys out of the ring!
Eddie Sensation - Chandler just tossed the other fake Regulator out and now has his eyes are set on Stone!
The Informer - OH!!! CHANDLER JUST NAILED STONE AND STONE WENT FLYING OVER THE TOP!!!! CHANDLER WINS.. CHANDLER WINS!!!!!
Vic Canon - OH MY GOD! LOOK AT THIS!! WaR CrYmE is bringing a damn trophy to the ring!!!!
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!!! CHANDLER IS ON HIS KNEES CRYING!!!! A BOYHOOD DREAM COME TRUE!! HAHAHA!!!
The Informer - Look...He has a mic! Shhh!!
Vic Canon - THE FANS ARE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY!!! THEY LOVE IT!
The Informer - Now Divin--I mean STONE is in the ring crying with Chandler!
Chandler - Ladies and gentleman.. I would like to take this time to... to... TO GIVE THIS TROPHY TO NICK DIAMANTE!
Vic Canon - What the hell? Nicky Clause is in the ring again... and now he's crying too! Oh god! What the hell is this?! Now NICK has the mic!
Nicky Clause - I have an announcement to make!!! [Sniffle Sniffle]... I.... THE DIAMOND TURD... [Sniffle Sniffle]... AM OUT OF RETIREMENT!!!! After this great win, how could I not come back?!?!?! I LOVE THE EWA!!! And even though my retirement gimmick IS SOOOO OLD IT FARTS OUT DUST... and even though im ALWAYS serious and don't enjoy the comedic actions of FMC... I would like to say... that I..... I LOVE MYSELF!
Eddie Sensation - HA! We all know that's true!!!
[ Tom and Nicky are left crying in an embrace as the lights go off once more.... ]
The Informer - THERE'S MORE???
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!! ENCORE ENCORE!!!
[ The lights coem back on.... and all 5 men are out of their costumes, and standing in the ring. Jericho has the mic once more, as the sellout crowd rises to it's feet and applauses the greatest match in EWA HISTORY! ]
Chris Jericho - Ladies and gentleman... THE FU MAN CREW IS ALIVE AND KICKIN'!!! ALL YOU JERKY'S WHO DON'T LIKE IT... CAN KISS IT!! Listen to these people..... they love us! FMC EQUALS RATINGS!!! Fans, thank you for watching Jurasic Park 3... Let's get rid of the DINOSAURS BACKSTAGE before the EWA becomes extinct! That's right.... THE EWA WILL NEVER E-E-E-EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!
[ Jericho throws the mic into the crowd as "Killing In The Name" by Rage Against The Machine begins to play and the FMC leaves the ring high fiving and laughing merely ]
The Informer - Well the Fu Man Crew have gotten what they needed to get off their chests... and now they're heading backstage...
Vic Canon - I'll tell you something though! Chandler, Serial Thrylla, Tom Stone and The Regulators will all get the Crew back!
Eddie Sensation - Speaking of the Regulators... LOOK!
[ The entire Fu Man Crew are backstage, except Da BJ Boyz, who stayed back to greet their fans in the crowd. And just as Eddie says those words, The Regulators come speeding down the entrance aisle in their hummer. Johnny Rage swerves the car, and JUST MISSES Da BJ Boyz! ]
The Informer - OH MY GOD! THEY ALMOST JUST RAN THEM OVER! DA BJ BOYZ ARE PISSED! THEY'RE STANDING ON TOP OF THE CAR, KICKING AT THE WINDSHEILD AND ROOF!!!
Vic Canon - And here come The Regulators, out of their hummer! Da BJ Boyz immediatly jump on them, and the brawl begins!!!
Eddie Sensation - GOD DAMN! These guys are ALL OVER each other! It looks like there.... well... you know!!
The Informer - Dammit Eddie! You're sick! Here comes a load of officials... at least 2 dozen! And they will ALL be needed to seperate these four!
Vic Canon - Well fans, while they seperate and clean up this mess, we're going to take a quick break! Don't do anywhere!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Pre-Match Interview with Tiki Tortez [ The scene fades in to a the dressing room door of "Tricky" Tiki Tortez. The camera pans to the left and stops on "Zed" who begins to knock. Tiki's voice can be heard in the background... ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Who's there?
Zed - It's me Zed man.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Hold up...
[ A second or two later, the door opens up and Zed walks in. He waits a second and greets Tiki with a handshake. ]
Zed - What's up man?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Ah, not much, just getting ready for my match tonight against that Gigante character. You know what...this may be my first decent match here in the EWA, since joining.
Zed - What about your match with Brink? You knocked the guy out of the EWA! You may have taken his career out the door too!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Yeah that was pretty sweet huh [laughs]
Zed - Yeah, and how about the time you knocked out the Wildman and possibly put an end to his entire "mid-card" career here in the EWA?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Ha, that guy deserved every second of that beating. He didn't deserve this title and we all know that.
Zed - Dude...that's also true.
[ Pause ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - So I suppose that you want a pre-match interview huh.
Zed - Yeah, according to Stone, it is a rule or something. Him and those damn rules.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Yeah, I see what ya mean...so I guess we should begin.
Zed - That's a good idea. Are you ready?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Yep.
[ Pause ]
Zed - [mockingly] Mr. Tortez, tonight you are facing Mr. El Gigante in an Extreme Title match. This will be yet another title defense for you and your Extreme Title. Do you plan on an easy win or do you expect this to be a challenge?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Well, last week when I defeated those three jobbers, I was given the opportunity to fight whoever I wanted. And obviously, I chose El Gigante. He is a great wrestler, with incredible skills and I do not doubt for one second that he is championship material. And I know that this is a good motive to get in the ring and kick somebody's ass. I know for a fact that I can beat him...there is no doubt about that.
Zed - Ah, I got ya man. Now, what is the deal with you, Gigante, Divine, and Travis Gaines?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - There is nothing really, they are just a couple losers trying to get back at Gigante and I for messing up their show.
Zed - Really? You are going to sit here and tell me nothing is up between you four?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Well, yeah.
Zed - C'mon, you can tell me man. What's going on?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [Thinks] Well, Gaines is a little frustrated lately that he can't get "over" here and I think he is taking it out on us. Divine on the other hand is a little frustrated that he can't find anyone get "over" on. Gigante...the name explains his head. Giant!
Zed - How does Gigante relate to giant?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - I don't know! They both start with "Gi".
Zed - Um...ok. So, what is going on in this Extreme Title division man? Just a week ago, you and Ghost from Hell were the only competitors, now you have Gigante, Gaines, Divine, and according to some recent rumors, a couple more coming. What happened?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - No one gave a damn about this division when Wildman was running the show. Now that I am here, people are beginning to notice just how damn good I am. Soon enough, this Extreme Title will be as coveted as Chandler's Heavyweight Title.
Zed - The Heavyweight Title compared to the Extreme Title...I never thought I'd see the day.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Well, think again...times are going to change. The society here in the EWA is going to change drastically, people are going to realize that this Extreme division is just as important as any other division, including the World Title division.
Zed - Wow, so what society are you talking about here?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - A society where I run the show!
Zed - A new society...sounds intriguing.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Be prepared man...it's coming...and when it does, I'm bringing the world with me. I've gotta go, my match is just about underway. Peace...
[ Tiki shakes Zed's hand and walks out. Zed has a confused look on his face as he peers back into the camera. ]
Zed - There ya have it folks. Tiki Tortez reveals some breakthrough information about some "Society". I really hope that he clears this up for us in the near future. Back to you guys...
EWA Extreme Title Match
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez vs. El GiGanteChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is an EWA Extreme Title Match!
[ "Rap Superstar" by Cypress Hill blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by Bret Sheer and Jay, standing 5'10" and weighing in at 175 pounds, from Brooklyn, New York, El GiGante!
[ Bret Sheer, Jay and El GiGante step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
[ "Break Out" by Foo Fighters blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... accompanied to the ring by Trč Parker, standing 6'6" and weighing in at 252 pounds, from Lisbon, New York, the EWA Extreme Champion, "Tricky" Tiki Tortez!
[ Trč Parker and the EWA Extreme Champion, "Tricky" Tiki Tortez step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
The Informer - El GiGante is out here infront of us, grabbing some weapons! He just threw a steel chair in the ring, and now he's got a baseball bat in his hands!
Vic Canon - GiGante is crawling into the ring cautiously... and the bell sounds! GiGante gets to his feet... and slowly approaches Tiki Tortez! But Tiki isnt moving!
Eddie Sensation - What the hell would you do if someone approached you with a baseball bat in their hands???
The Informer - I'd grab the steel chair thats right beside me! Haha! OOH! GiGante swings the bat, and nails Tortez right in the back of the leg! Tortez lands on his back!
Vic Canon - But GiGante jumps right on top of him, and starts choking him with the baseball bat! GiGante is putting all his weight on that baseball bat, which is across Tiki's throat!
Eddie Sensation - GiGante finally gets off.. and lifts Tortez to his feet!
The Informer - El GiGante throws Tiki to the ropes, while holding the baseball bat in his other hand! Tortez bounces off the ropes.... OOOH!!! GIGANTE NAILS HIM IN THE CHEST WITH THE BAT!! TORTEZ GOES DOWN. AND GIGANTE GOES FOR THE COVER!
Vic Canon - The ref counts.... 1..... 2..... OOH!! OH MAN!!! TORTEZ JUST GRABBED THAT STEEL CHAIR AND NAILED GIGANTE IN THE HEAD WITH IT! GIGANTE DIDN'T SEE IT COMING, AND IMMEDIATLY BROKE THE PIN!
Eddie Sensation - Hey, look! Here comes Divine and Traivs Gaines!
The Informer - Ha! I told you they'd come out here!
Vic Canon - They slide into the ring, and Gaines goes for Tortez! Divine jumps on the fallen El GiGante, and starts throwing punches to his face!
Eddie Sensation - Travis Gaines grabs Tiki from behind, and nails him with a German Suplex!!
The Informer - Oh man! Tortez landed right on that steel chair!
Vic Canon - Divine and Travis Gaines have left a disaster in the ring!
Eddie Sensation - God damn! These two are nuts!
The Informer - And finally... THANK GOD... Divine and Gaines are leaving the ring!
Vic Canon - Wait a minute.... GiGante is getting to his feet! And Tortez is TRYING to get up! LOOK OUT! DIVINE IS RUNNING BACK TO THE RING!
Eddie Sensation - GiGante swings for a clothesline! No! Divine ducks, GiGante turns around..... WHAM!!! OH NO!!! DIVINE JUST NAILED EL GIGANTE WITH A BIG FAT KISS, RIGHT ON THE LIPS!!!
The Informer - And now Divine is taking off! He got his pleasure! Now he's leaving!
Vic Canon - And El GiGante is stumbling around in the ring! Tortez is up... he sets up GiGante!..........
Eddie Sensation - WHAM!!!!!! TRICK OR TREAT!!!! TORTEZ NAILED IT!!!!
The Informer - He goes for the cover! 1...... 2....... 3!!!
Chris Myers - The winner of this match, and STILL EWA Extreme Champion, "Tricky" Tiki Tortez!
Vic Canon - Well, a win is a win! And Tortez is taking it! He's got his Extreme Title, and he's on the outside of the ring!
Eddie Sensation - Divine and Travis Gaines are standing at the top of the ramp, just smiling at the mess they've left! And I dont know how the hell Gaines can be SMILING when he's standing beside that shit-covered Divine!
The Informer - I dont even want to know! Fans dont go anywhere, we have to take a quick commercial break!
Vic Canon - Dont go anywhere!
[ The EWA Video Wall goes black. A series of commercials of EWA sponcers are shown. ]
Backstage... [ The scene fades in to a hallway in the back. "Tricky" Tiki Tortez is viewed wiping the sweat off of his forehead as he is about to enter his dressing room. Suddenly, El Gigante is viewed running toward him. ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - What the hell do you want?
El GiGante - Hey man, I don't want to see you any more than you want to see me...but what happened tonight deserves some payback.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - I think so too, but what are we gonna do, those two faggots are nowhere to be found.
El GiGante - Not exactly, I just spotted them a minute ago standing by the Pepsi machine. I say we get'em right now, when they least expect it.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - You know what...for the first time in a while, I actually agree with you...let's go...
[ The two of them walk down the hallway, and soon enough, they spot Divine and Gaines up ahead at the Pepsi Machine. Gigante and Tortez immediately charge at them and begin a 4-way brawl. All 4 wrestlers are involved in a feud with each other here. Some referees are now showing up. They are breaking up this brawl, but are to no avail so far. Suddenly Tom Stone appears from around the corner. He walks over and interrupts the brawl. ]
Tom Stone - STOP!
[ Everyone pauses ]
Tom Stone - Now you 4 are going to listen, and listen good. I am sick of you guys interfering in each other's match night after night. I have a little proposition for you guys.
[ Tiki breaks from the pile. ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - What is it now Stone!
Tom Stone - That's President Stone to you Tortez...and the proposition is quite simple. You 4 are going to wrestle at the PPV. This won't be a simple match either...this is for the Extreme Title and in order to win, all three of your opponents must be pinned or submit.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - What the hell are you talking about!?
Tom Stone - You heard me...now this is going to happen! Now let me here some confirmation from you freaks so I don't hear any bitching later.
Travis Gaines - Yeah I'm in Tom.
El GiGante - Sure, why not, I could use the Extreme Title on my resume.
Divine - 3 sweaty guys in a ring all at the same time...you have to count me in!!!!!!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Now this is what I am talking about...a challenge. Count me in.
Tom Stone - Great, I look forward to watching you four kick each other's asses...now don't look like idiots and try to make a pleasant exit.
[ Tom exits the scene as all 4 wrestlers go their separate ways. ]
Backstage... [ Arthryn, Walther and Poser, are all in the parking area, Arthryn is on the Original Outlaw's bike, and Poser and Walther are in a car. They stop at the exit gate which is closed, and Arthryn turns his focus to the Parking attendant ]
Arthryn - Hey, fucking cockboy!!
[ The Attendant, truns around and answers Arthryn's request ]
Attendant - Y... Y.. Yesssir??
Arthryn - Open the doors me and the boys gotta leave........ COME ON, HURRY IT UP!!
Attendant - Yes, right away sir!!
[ The Attendant then leaves the booth and walks around the corner, while Arthryn, Walther and Poser all wait for the gates to be opened. Shortly there after the attendant, walks back into the booth and sits down, he seems to be holding an object, yet it cannot be made out. Arthryn, now a little upset, begins to yell ]
Arthryn - HEY!! Fuckface!!! What the hell are you doing?? How the hell did you get this job, huh?? Litlle fucking shitface, I think it's time, I teach you how to do your fucking job!!
[ The Attendant, looks over and cowers back, as Arthryn makes his way towards him. The attendat, whose hair is covering his face, crouches down, and puts his hands to the floor as if to grab something. Poser and Walther are both in the car having an argument. Arthryn steps into the booth, and as he does, the attendant stands up and removes his hat, and flings his hair back ]
Arthryn - FUCK!!
[ Arthryn turns around and tries to run, but can't, the attendant, was none other than The OriginaL Outlaw in disguise, and The Outlaw grabs a hold of Arthryn, before he can go any further. The Outlaw, slams Arthryn's head into the control board, and then grabs the object he was carrying, a steel chair. He then lines Arthryn up, and cracks him over the head with that steel chair. Poser and Walther, hear the noise that the steel chair makes, and they both leave the car. They look at the booth and see nothing, they both walk towards it, and see their friend Arthryn laid out. Then, Poser feels a tap on his shoulder. He urns around and is met with a steel chair shot to the skull. Then Walther turns around ]
Eric Walther - Oh Fuck........ I thought we got rid of you, you fucking jackass. Well, I guess I'll just have to do it now then, huh??
[ Walther throws a punch, but the Outlaw ducks and grabs a hold of Walther's arm, and tightens his grip ]
Eric Walther - Fuck, I swear when we get a hold of you Vinny D, you'll regret....
Vinny D - Shut your mouth...... Your my play toy now........
[ The Outlaw, walks Walther towards the car, and slams his head into the windshield, shattering it. He then, launches Walther head first to the steel gate, he leaves the battered Walther on the floor, and goes to grab his steel chair. He stands waiting, and as Walther stands up, he cracks him with a vicious chair shot ]
Vinny D - YOU GUYS WANNA PLAY GAMES?? YOU WANNA TAKE MY BIKE FOR A SPIN?? WELL YA LITTLE BITCHES, TONIGHT I PLAYED A GAME, IT'S CALLED, BEAT THE FUCK OUTTA THE THREE LITTLE SHITS!! Saturday night, Arthryn, you bring one of your friend, cause you are gonna be in a tag team match, with me, and, if I can find a partner by then, then you and you're buddy better be real worried, but if I can't, well......... EITHER FUCKING WAY I WILL KICK THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUTTA BOTH YOUR SORRY ASSES!!!
In Tom Stone's office... [ We are brought into Tom Stone's office. There is a heated arguement going on between Rob DiMarco and Tom Stone! ]
Rob DiMarco - Tom, I'VE HAD ENOUGH! First he steals my job.... then spills coffee all over me.... then pulls my hair.... then sticks a microphone where it's not wanted! AND NOW YOU WANT TO CUT SOME OF MY SALARY?!?!?!?
Tom Stone - Rob... it's nothing personal... but Zed... well, he's...
Rob DiMarco - He's what?
Tom Stone - Zed is......
Rob DiMarco - WHAT??!?!?!
Tom Stone - He's a little more--
Rob DiMarco - MORE IMPORTANT THEN ME?? IS THAT IT STONE???
Tom Stone - WHAT?! NO ROB! I DIDNT SAY THAT!
Rob DiMarco - WELL I'VE HAD ENOUGH! SO MUCH THAT IM WILLING TO FIGHT HIM FOR MY JOB!!
Tom Stone - Huh? No way Rob... you CANT step in the ring with Zed!
Rob DiMarco - I WANT TO! THIS SATURDAY NIGHT! ROCK THE BOAT! GIVE ME A MATCH!
Tom Stone - NO Rob... I WILL NOT do that!
Rob DiMarco - GIVE ME MY MATCH, OR I QUIT RIGHT NOW!
Tom Stone - FUCK FUCK FUCK! FUCK YOU ROB! FINE, HAVE YOUR MATCH! AND WHEN YOU GET HURT, DONT BLAME ME!
Rob DiMarco - FINE!
[ Rob DiMarco storms out of Stone's office, excited about his Pay Per Vierw match... ]
Pre-Match Interview with Nomad Rachel Stevens - Here with me now is the EWA International Champion, Nomad! Tonight, he's pairing up with Thorn to take on Team Ballz, Serial Thrylla and Chandler, in a tag match! A short while ago you cut a promo in which you said you were going to stay out of the whole Team Ballz affair....but then you answered Serial Thrylla's "American Pride" challenge. Why the sudden change of heart?
Nomad - Simple. I thought about what Team Ballz was doing. What they stood for, and what impact they had on not just the EWA, but everyone. When I first thought about it, I figured they were just letting their egos get out of control. They were on a power trip that would eventually run itself out. But then I thought twice, and realized that wasn't true. I know both Thrylla and Chandler fairly well, and neither of them are the kind of guy who would do something without thinking it through.
Nomad - I'm 100% sure that they both have a dead-set game plan, and they will stop at nothing till they're done. In short, I realized that this situation was a lot more dire than I thought it was. Someone had to do something about it, and it looked like everyone buy me and Thorn were afraid to step up to the plate. Tonight, I have every intention of ending Team Ballz once and for all.
Rachel Stevens - Okay, but what about your rivalry with Serial Thrylla? Will that be your driving force in the match, or will you remain focused on both men?
Nomad - That's a retarded fucking question, if ever there was one. I hate Thrylla's guts. We've always had one hell of a fierce rivalry that was tempered by our mutual respect for each other. You could even say we were friends. But there's no question that each time we stepped in the ring together, we tore shit up. Friendship went right out the window. Now that the friendship isn't even there, it's gonna' be fucking BRUTAL.
Rachel Stevens - So the gloves are off this time around?
Nomad - The gloves were never ON, Rachel. Now, we're out for blood. Sure, I may be after both Thrylla and Chandler, but that won't be a problem. Thorn has Chandler's number, and he's more than capable of kicking that Cajun's sorry ass. So Thrylla....tonight, you're MINE. Tonight....you meet your JOURNEY'S END.
Rachel Stevens - Strong words from Nomad! Back to you, guys!!!
Pre-Match Interview with Team Ballz Tom Stone - ZED, DO THIS INTERVIEW OR ITS YOUR JOB!!
Zed - No! Not these two, NOT TEAM BALLZ!
Tom Stone - FUCK YOU THEN!!!
Zed - I'M NOT GOING TO GET KILLED JUST FOR AN INTERVIEW!! EVEN MEAN GENE SAID SO!!!!
[ Zed throws down his microphone and heads towards the EWA Personelle locker room. Tom Stone picks up the mic, looks around, and then begins laughing his ass off as he hands the microphone to Serial Thrylla, who is offstage, and Stone exits the scene, still laughing himself a new asshole. ]
[ Serial Thrylla enters. ]
Serial Thrylla - VIOLENCE!
[ Chandler enters from the opposite side, carrying his own microphone ]
Chandler - PREJUDICE!
Serial Thrylla - MAYHEM!
Chandler - CARNAGE!
Serial Thrylla - HOMICIDE!!
Chandler - GENOCIDE!!
Serial Thrylla - ASS KICKINGS!!!
Chandler - NAMES TAKEN!!!
Serial Thrylla - LIVES, WILL BE LOST!!!!!
Chandler - MASSES...WILL....DIE!!!!!
[ Both men look at each other, then, side-by-side, face the camera ]
Chandler - Two men. One motherfucker I can't stand and never could stand my entire career. Another loudmouthed little BITCH who think he's gonna take my spot. Nomad, Thorn, you two motherfuckers are both in the Team Ballz crossairs, dipshits. And tonight, you both die. You BOTH DIE!!! Now, excuse me, I have to go do something.
[ Chandler throws down his mic and begins walking towards the open locker room door. ]
Serial Thrylla - Excuse my partner here. But, you two overacheiving sons of bitches better be celebrating. Because tonight will be the last night of your lives. Because Because Homicide is From the Heavens... And the MOTHERFUCKING APOCALYSPE...COMES..FROM...ABOVE!!!
[ We fade to black...where was Chandler going...? ]
Pre-Match Interview with Thorn Rachel Stevens - I'm here with Thorn. Tonight Thorn, you have a tag team match against Chandler and Serial Thrylla, Team Ballz. Your partner is NoMaD, awhile back, you and NoMaD where in Hostile Youth together, but that friendship ended on a sour note. Do you think that you'll be able to work things out in the ring, and work like a team again?
Thorn - Did something intelligent just come out of your mouth?
Rachel Stevens - I guess... Does this mean you like me again?
Thorn - I liked you in the first place?
Rachel Stevens - Well, I thought you did.
Thorn - Well, you thought wrong.
Rachel Stevens - Oh...
Thorn - Back to the point. NoMaD and I had a pretty good friendship in the past, we were both against the Team Old Skool, and the New Skool Team. I was Hostile Youth, but no one was on my side with me. He joined me and we formed Hostile Youth, I fucked him over, he was pissed. I guess everything is ok with us now, I don't have a problem with him. Will NoMaD and I be able to work as a team and forget about our past? I'm willing to put it in the past if he is. Do you know why?
Rachel Stevens - Wel-
Thorn - Fuck no you do! Bitch. NoMaD and I, once again, are fighting for the same cause that brought us together in the first place. Well... kinda. We don't fucking like Team Ballz, they don't fucking like us, the pieces fit, but this time, let's keep it straight business. NoM-
Rachel Stevens - If you weren't such an ass, I would warn you.
Thorn - Did you just interrupt me?!
[ Rachel Doesn't say anything, she just points behind Thorn. Thorn turns around to look. ]
- THWACK! - [ He never saw it coming. ]
[ Laughter fills the air. ]
- THWACK!! - [ More laughter. ]
Rachel Stevens - I take it this interview is over! Hehehe...
[ The sound of Metal clashing onto the ground is heard. ]
Chandler - Good luck with the match Sweetie...
[ Laughter fills the air once again, this time it's Chandler's as he walks away from the scene. ]
Tag Team Match
Chandler/Serial Thrylla vs. Nomad/ThornChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Tag Team Match!
[ "Time Bomb" by Godsmack blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'2" and weighing in at 256 pounds, from New York, New York, the EWA International Champion, Nomad!
[ The EWA International Champion, Nomad steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "The Big Fuck You" by Primer 55 blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his partner... standing 6'1" and weighing in at 201 pounds, from Sacramento, California, Thorn!
[ Thorn steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against The Machine blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And their opponents... at a total combined weight of 477 pounds, the team of the EWA Heavyweight Champion, Chandler and Serial Thrylla... Team Ballz!
[ Team Ballz steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - Well, this is certainly going to be a great match!
[ Suddenly, "Fire up the Shoesaw" by Lionrock blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing now, the Special Guest Referee of this contest... "The Underground Hero" Ethan Tyler!
[ Ethan Tyler steps out from behind the curtain dressed in a referee's shirt. He heads towards the ring... ]
Vic Canon - WHAT?! ETHAN TYLER IS THE SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE??? WOW!!!!
Eddie Sensation - Damn! This is getting better every second, and we haven't even started!
The Informer - Tyler is in the middle of the ring, and he signals for the bell! And there it is!
Vic Canon - It looks like Thorn is going to start this one off against Serial Thrylla! They lock up....
Eddie Sensation - Thorn pushes Thrylla back a bit... but Mr. DFA shoves Thorn all the way back into his corner! Tyler tells Thrylla to release the hold, but he doesnt!
The Informer - OH MY!! ETHAN TYLER JUST THREW SERIAL THRYLLA OFF THORN, AND INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!
Vic Canon - Damn! Tyler is really causing some shit in there! Thrylla is pissed!
Eddie Sensation - Serial Thrylla gets to his feet... but Thorn rushes in and drop kicks him back down! Thorn gets up, and bounces off the ropes... he jumps over the body of Serial Thrylla, then bounces off the ropes again. Thrylla is up! Thorn runs towards him.... OOH!!! SPINEBUSTER BY THRYLLA!! THORN IS DOWN!
The Informer - And now Thrylla is standing, waiting for Thorn to get to his feet! And he does! Thorn faces Thrylla...... WHAM!!!! OH MAN!!! Thrylla nailed him with a Standing Cresent Kick! And now he's going to the top rope!
Vic Canon - Thrylla is perched on the top rope! He signals to the crowd.... Wait a minute!! OOOH!!!! OH MAN!!! ETHAN TYLER JUST KNOCKED THRYLLA OFF THE TOP ROPE! LOOK AT CHANDLER! HE'S GOING CRAZY!
Eddie Sensation - And now Thorn is heading towards his corner! He's moving very slowly, but it looks like he's going to make the tag!
The Informer - Wait! Serial Thrylla has his head up, and he see's Thorn heading to his corner! Thrylla lunges at Thorn's ankles, and grabs ahold of them!
Vic Canon - Thorn is kicking his legs, trying to get Thrylla off him! But he's not letting go!
Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT!!!!
The Informer - HAHA!! ETHAN TYLER JUST STEPPED ON THRYLLA'S FINGERS, AND HE LET GO OF THORN!!!
Vic Canon - HAHA!! I like Tyler as the ref! He does a good job!
Eddie Sensation - Thorn is almost there..... YES! He tags in Nomad!
The Informer - Nomad walks towards Thrylla, and picks him up! He kicks Serial Thrylla in the gut, and sets him up.... WHAM! DIVING REVERSE DDT!
Vic Canon - Nomad picks him up, and throws him to the ropes! Thrylla comes bouncing back..... OOOH!!! SIDEWALK SLAM!! Nomad nailed him with it!
Eddie Sensation - Nomad runs over to his corner, and tags in Thorn! Nomad grabs Thrylla, and puts him on his shoulders! Thorn climbs to the top rope... what's this they're doing??
The Informer - LOOK OUT! CHANDLER DIVES AT NOMADS KNEE, AND NAILS HIM! Nomad goes tumbling down, and Thrylla lands on the mat! Chandler runs to the corner... WHAM!!! OH MAN!! He just knocked Thorn off the top rope, and down onto the concrete floor!!!
Vic Canon - And now Chandler is going back to his corner! Thrylla is moving, and he's crawling towards Chandler to make the tag! Yes! He tags in Chandler! Chandler runs towards Nomad.... WHAM!!! OH MAN!!! ETHAN TYLER JUST CLOTHESLINED CHANDLER FROM OUT OF NOWHERE! CHANDLER IS DOWN!
Eddie Sensation - And these fans are going CRAZY! Ethan Tyler is causing havoc in that ring!
The Informer - Nomad and Thrylla are up! They're side-by-side, infront of the ropes! LOOK OUT!!! OOOH!!! ETHAN TYLER JUST CLOTHESLINED THEM BOTH OVER THE TOP ROPE! AND NOW THEY BOTH GO TUMBLING TO THE OUTSIDE!
Vic Canon - Thorn is up! And he's getting back in the ring! Chandler is up again, and Thorn is back in the ring! Thorn charges at Chandler, Chandler ducks.... HIROSHIMA!! HIROSHIMA!! HIROSHIMA!! CHANDLER HAS -HIROSHIMA- LOCKED ON!!!
Eddie Sensation - THIS COULD BE THE END OF THORN!!! NO! THORN HAS A HOLD OF THE ROPES! ETHAN TYLER IS MAKING CHANDLER BREAK THE HOLD!
The Informer - And Chandler does so! After seeing what Tyler did to everyone tonight, I doubt that Chandler wants to disobey his orders! He could very well cost him the match!
Vic Canon - Look here on the outside! Nomad and Thrylla are up! Thrylla swings for Nomad, but he misses! Nomad grabs Thrylla.... LOOK OUT!!!
Eddie Sensation - WHAM!!!!!!!!!!
The Informer - OH NO!!!!! NECKBREAKER RIGHT THROUGH OUR ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!!!! NOMAD NAILED HIM WITH IT!!!!! SERIAL THRYLLA MUST BE OUT!!!!!
Vic Canon - Oh, shit! Back to the action in the ring! Thorn looks a bit shaken, but he's on his feet! Chandler rushes back over towards him... Thorn ducks, turns around.... WHAM!!! SPINNING REVERSE DDT BY THORN! HE NAILED HIM WITH IT!
Eddie Sensation - Thorn goes for the cover! Tyler counts 1... 2.... 3!!!!
The Informer - WHAT?!?! THORN WINS??? THORN WINS!!!! THORN WINS!!!!! THORN HAS PINNED CHANDLER!!!
Chris Myers - And the winners of this match... the team of Nomad and Thorn!
Vic Canon - CHANDLER IS STUNNED!!! HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT HE HELL HAPPENED!!!!
Eddie Sensation - IT WAS A FAST COUNT! TYLER COUNTED FAST! HE'S BEEN CHEATING FOR THORN ALL NIGHT!
The Informer - THAT WASN'T FAST EDDIE! IT WAS PERFECT SPEED! BUT CHANDLER DOESNT BELEIVE THAT! HIM AND THORN ARE STILL BRAWLING IN THE RING!
Vic Canon - AND LOOK OVER HERE!!! NOMAD IS SETTING UP SERIAL THRYLLA ON THE TOP ROPE FOR THE JOURNEY'S END!!!
Eddie Sensation - Thrylla is sitting on the top! Nomad is up there! LOOK OUT!!!! WHAM!!!! ETHAN TYLER JUST NAILED NOMAD FROM BEHIND!!!
The Informer - TYLER SETS UP NOMAD.......... WHAM!!!!!! ILLEGAL IN 48 STATES!!!!!!! ILLEGAL IN 48 STATES!!!!!!! ETHAN TYLER JUST NAILED NOMAD WITH ILLEGAL IN 48 STATES!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - CHANDLER AND THORN ARE STILL BRAWLING ON THE OUTSIDE!!! THRYLLA IS SITTING ON THE TOP ROPE, UNCONCIOUS... AND NOMAD IS OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!!
Eddie Sensation - CHECK OUT ETHAN TYLER! HE'S GOT THE INTERNATIONAL TITLE!
The Informer - WHAT THE HELL??? ETHAN TYLER IS IN THE RING, STANDING ON TOP OF NOMAD WITH THE INTERNATIONAL TITLE HIGH ABOVE HIS HEAD!!!!!! ETHAN TYLER WANTS A PEICE OF NOMAD!!!!!!
Vic Canon - WAIT, FANS, WE'RE OUT OF TIME!!! SEE YOU IN 4 DAYS, AT ROCK THE BOAT!!!!!! DONT MISS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
