The Informer - Welcome to Tuesday Night Heat fans! And this week, we've got a great card in store.... AS ALWAYS!!!

Vic Canon - That's right Informer!! We've got 10 KILLER matches for you tonight, AND a few interviews! Tonigh is going to be HUGE!! What are you looking forward to Eddie??

Eddie Sensation - Personally, I can't wait to see Divine vs. Chandler!!! Last week Divine took a handful of Chandler's pot of gold, if you know what I mean!! Chandler is PISSED!!!!

The Informer - Hahaha!! Also tonight, we have Chris Jericho taking on Serial Thrylla!! Another GREAT match!! And that's our main event!!!

Vic Canon - And for the proper reasons too!! Chris Jericho and Serial Thrylla are two of the best that the EWA has to offer!! At Break Down, Serial Thrylla was the fifth opponent of Chris Jericho, but the match didn't end up happening due to interference!

Eddie Sensation - Well, hopefully tonight's match will be attack-free!

The Informer - Also tonight, we've got 2 World Tour Tournament Matches! Rocky Blonde will take on Hacker, and Arthryn will take on Howell!

Vic Canon - PLUS, Masta Red will debut against Brandon Kearse... Moochie will take on Jack Murphy... Ethan Tyler will try to break into the EWA by getting a win over The Wildman.... The Brink will take on Tiki Tortez....

Eddie Sensation - AND MUCH MUCH MORE!!!!!!

The Informer - Damn right Eddie!! Let's get this show on the road!!

[Chris Jericho slowly walks out from behind the curtain with no music.]

The Informer - Well, there's Chris Jericho... but he's got no music! What's going on here? Technical problems??

Vic Canon - I dont think so... just look at Jericho!

[Jericho is wearing a black bikers jacket with the letters FMC inscribed on the sleeves. He looks quite upset... and enters the ring not with his usual flamboyance.]

Eddie Sensation - Maybe he's on the rag!! HAHAHAHA!!

The Informer - Watch your mouth Eddie! We're live across the world!

Vic Canon - Jericho's got a mic! Lets listen to what he has to say!

Chris Jericho - WELCOME FANS.... TO HEAT IS JERICHO!!!!

[Wembly Stadium erupts!]

Chris Jericho - You know... A LOT has happened since that faithful day when Tim Sperm finally got his way... I've lost that piece of crap they call a Heavyweight Belt.... I've been humiliated, and been constantly made the underdog in POINTLESS 2 on 1 or 5 on 1 matches. Well, I'm sick and tired of being the underdog! Team Ballz comes out here talking like there all that, and a side of fries. I DON'T THINK SO! It's time TO EVEN THE SCORE! It's about TIME that the EWA was introduced to more than a revolution... but a constitution!

The Informer - What the hell is he talking about?? A constitution?!?!

Eddie Sensation - If you would SHUT THE HELL UP and LISTEN, maybe you'd find out! ...God damn! I hate commentators!

Chris Jericho - The constitution will state these main rules! Guys in the back, do your work...

[The EWA Big Screen fades into a picture which has "Rules of the Constitution" written on it. Suddenly, rule number one shows up on the screen. Jericho reads it...]

Chris Jericho - ONE! IF YOU HAVE BEEN WITH THE COMPANY FOR MORE THAN 3 YEARS...IT'S TIME TO RETIRE... For example; The Brink, Chandler, Serial Thrylla etc...

Eddie Sensation - HAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!

The Informer - Well, that's not right!

Chris Jericho - TWO! If your name begins with the letters from A-Z and including ANY numbers, you are hereby officialy obliged to JOB to ME at any time in your career!

Vic Canon - What the hell??

Eddie Sensation - Shut it Vic! I'm liking this constitution!!

Chris Jericho - THREE! If you're mentally retarded, thus making you think that you're better than me... GET A REAL JOB AT McDONALDS AND QUIT THE EWA!

Eddie Sensation - INFORMER!! GO CLAIM YOUR JOB!! HAHAHAHA!!!

The Informer - What?! When did I say I was better then him?!

Chris Jericho - FOUR! IF YOUR HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS...

[The thousands of fans in the Wembly Stadium begin to clap!]

Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!!!

Vic Canon - Well these fans are obviously liking this as well!

Chris Jericho - AND FIVE! If you dont like comedy... WE'RE GOING TO STICK IT DOWN YOUR THROATS ANYWAYS, SO YOU BETTER START TO ENJOY IT!

Eddie Sensation - I LIKE!! I LIKE!!

Chris Jericho - These are now the FIVE RULES of the constitution! But who will lead as an example??? WHO WILL MAKE SURE THESE RULES ARE FOLLOWED??

The Informer - That's what I want to know!

Chris Jericho - Last week, I mentioned how my friends enjoy HOMO MILK. If you didn't catch that hint, then you better retire now, because you're too retarded to be in the ring! So, without further adieu, I present the men that will make sure ratings go up, and stay through the roof... NOT WITH SERIOUSNESS, NOT WITH RATIONALITY, AND NOT WITH REALISM... BUT WITH COMEDY!!

Vic Canon - WHO?????

[Suddenly, "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred hits the speakers, and Divine walks out in a bikers jacket that reads: "WE NO BASTARDS, WE FU MAN CREW!"]

Chris Jericho - LADIES AND WORMS... I INTORDUCE TO YOU, ONE QUARTER OF THE FU MAN CREW, DIVINE!!!!

[The crowd in London, England erupts again!]

Eddie Sensation - OH NO!! IT'S DIVINE!!!! THAT FAG!!

The Informer - Uh oh! This is bad news for Team Ballz! Last week we saw Chris Jericho and Divine, as a team, literally destroy Team Ballz! Call it luck if you want, but Jericho and Divine have already prooven to be a great team!

[Divine slowly enters the ring and reaches into the rear of his pants to pull out a microphone. The music fades away and Divine begins to speak.]

Divine - Chris, I have to say that you're taste in clothing is out of this world!! I've always loved the way leather feels against my body!! I wanted to ride my hog to the ring but Tommy Stones said the censors wouldnt allow it.... but he did let me wear these....

[Divine tugs at his pants and they come off to reveal that Divine is wearing small leather speedos with the butt cheeks cut out of them.]

Eddie Sensation - EWWW!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!!!

Divine - "Franchise", Together I think we can bring the EWA to it's knees....then shove something down it's throat, and I'm not talking about comedy!!!

Eddie Sensation - EEEEEEWW!!!!!!!! SOMEONE ARREST THIS GUY!!! HE'S PERVERTED!!!

Vic Canon - And the best thing about it, is that last week he was feeling YOU up!!! HAHAHAHA!!

Eddie Sensation - DONT REMIND ME!!!

Divine - But, when you refer to Chandler and Serial Thrylla as Dinosaurs, you couldnt be more correct, and there's something that has always fascinated me about dinosaurs ever since I was a young lad... and that is their BONES!!!

The Informer - Uh oh...

Vic Canon - Look at the smile on Divine's face! And the crowd here in England can sense something coming!

Divine - I love digging up dinosaur bones.... Chandler..... Thrylla.... can I "excavate your bones"??? It will be quite the experience, I assure you!! I'll slowly uncover them to reveal the top layer... then dust those bad boys off.... shine them up.... Oh Boy!!! Look at me, I'm sweating!!!

The Informer - Hahaha!! Divine is one of a kind.... hahaha...

Eddie Sensation - WHAT?! Are you attracted to him Informer?!

Vic Canon - I'm not sure... but there's one thing I AM sure of... Divine's attracted to YOU Eddie!! AHAHAHA!!!

Divine - But, this cant be all!! The Fu Man Crew cannot conisist of just Chris Jericho and Divine, no... we need.... a tag team.... we need.... milky lickers!!!!

Eddie Sensation - Huh?

The Informer - Milky lickers??

Vic Canon - The only thing I can think of are the Cow--

["Cows In Black" By Will Smith hits the speakers and European and International, The Cows In Black, walk out towards the ring with Bessy not too far behind. They are also wearing shirts that read: "FU MAN CREW; WE SHOVE COMEDY DOWN YOUR THROATS!"]

Chris Jericho - I PRESENT TO YOU, ONE HALF OF THE FU MAN CREW... THE COWS IN BLACK!

Vic Canon - I knew it!

[The cows make their way into the ring, and their music fades out.]

Divine - Look at them Chris!! I like European Cow!!

International Cow - MOOOOOOO!!!!!!! WE FU MAN CREW!!!! MOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

European Cow - Yes... yes! Calm down International!! We are the Fu Man Crew, and we're all about comedy! We're bringing the fun back into the EWA, so then you fans don't have to sit there and bore yourselves to death week after week!

[The camera shows Divine, who's mouth is watering as he stares at Bessy the Cow.]

European Cow - The Cows in Black along with Chris Jericho and Divine will make you laugh so hard that it will hurt!

[Suddenly, International Cow notices Divine staring at Bessy. International gets offended that a man is staring at his cow!]

European Cow - And tonight, we'll give you a little preview! Divine...?

Divine - Hey, England! How many of those utters do you think I could swallow?!?!

The Informer - OH NO!! DONT EVEN THINK OF IT DIVINE!

[The crowd begins to mumble amongst themselves.]

Chris Jericho - LETS FIND OUT!!!!

Vic Canon - OH GREAT!! GET THE CAMERA OUT OF THERE! DONT SHOW THIS!!!

[Divine runs outside, gets on his hands and knees and begins to suck on Bessy's utters.]

Eddie Sensation - EEEEEEEEEW!!!!!!!!!

Vic Canon - LISTEN TO THIS CROWD!!! THEY DONT FIND THIS FUNNY AT ALL, THEY'RE ALL CLOSING THEIR EYES IN SHOCK!! LOOK AT THAT LITTLE BOY!! HE'S CRYING!!!

[Divine suddenly moves out of the way and milk sprays from the utter and drenches Eddie Sensation who is sitting at ringside!]

Eddie Sensation - AWWW FUCK ME!!!

[The thousands of fans in Wembly Stadium all burst out in laughter!]

The Informer - HAHAHAHA!!!

Vic Canon - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Divine - Oh my God!!! Eddie must feel like Tom Stone does when he gets caught singing and dancing to Britney Spears in his locker room!!

The Informer - Huh?! What the hell did he just say?!

Vic Canon - Divine's lost his mind! Tom Stone singing and dancing to Britney Spears?! No way!

Divine - It's true people!! If you dont believe me.... LOOK!!!!

The Informer - Oh great! Now what's he up to?!

[The EWA Big Screen lights up and Tom Stone can be seen in his locker room. He's looking at the wall with his head bowed in silence. Suddenly "Oops I did it again" by Britney Spears starts to play and Stone does a dancing number that would put Michael Jackson to shame. As the EWA owner spins and twirls and sings the words perfectly.]

Tom Stone - [Singing] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I did it again... I made you believe we're more than just friends... oh baby... it might seem like a crush, but it doesnt mean that I'm seriouuuuuus, but to lose all my senses....

[Suddenly someone knocks on the door and Stone quickly turns off the CD player and answers the door.]

Tom Stone - WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!?! READ THE SIGN!!!!! I'M NOT TO BE DISTURBED!!!!!

[The Big Screen turns off as the arena fills with laughter.]

Eddie Sensation - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

European Cow - Holy shit!!! Stone as moves!!! Now I know how he's so damn limber!!!

The Informer - OH MY GOD!!! STONE IS GOING TO GO CRAZY!!!!!

Vic Canon - HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Chris Jericho - Anyways.... I INTRODUCE TO YOU, THE ONLY STABLE THAT MEANS SHIT AROUND HERE, THE FU MAN CREW!!! I LEAVE YOU WITH 5 SIMPLE WORDS...

[Jericho takes of his jacket to reveal a t-shirt that reads: "COMEDY IS A WAY OF LIFE!!! SO DEAL WITH IT B*TCH!"...]

The Informer - Wow!! The Fu Man Crew have formed here in the EWA!!

Vic Canon - I dont know what to say! They're either going to fail miserably, or succeed amazingly!!

Eddie Sensation - By the looks of it so far, the fans love them! These four have made them almost pee their pants tonight!

["You Give Love A Bad Name" by Bon Jovi blasts over the PA system as the Fu Man Crew exit the ring....]

The Informer - WOW, what a way to kick off Heat!

Vic Canon - YUP!! HAHA!! My ribs are sore from laughing so hard!!

Eddie Sensation - AND MY EYE STINGS FROM THAT MILK!! DAMMIT!!!

The Informer - HAHAHAHA!!! Fans, we've got to take a quick commercial break! Dont go anywhere!

Rocky Blonde - Honestly I think this is good for the EWA and it will help a lot of the younger youth of the EWA. Hope fully this tournament will run smoothly, and all wil go right. I honestly think I got a chance at winning this and if I don't I hope one of the new guys goes on to do it.

Rob DiMarco - Also, we know that your new Tag Team partner, Johnny "Big Cash" Flash will be at ringside. Will he be there for any other reason than to just watch??

Rocky Blonde - Well since only the EWA officials no that I have a tag partner everyone will meet this guy for the first time tonight before my match. I have known this guy for the longest time and we finally got together to join forces and take over the EWA tag team division.

Rob DiMarco - Over to you Rachel!

Bry2K - and Bryan "Watch the step on the ramp because I make your panties damp" Allen.

Rachel Stevens - Hacker is about to step into the ring with Rocky Blonde in a first round match of the EWA World Tour Tournament!

[Bry2K pulls out a "Pro fears Hack" sign and holds it behind Rachel.]

Rachel Stevens - This tournament was put together by Dave Fenichel, to give the younger talent a chance to shine. What are you thoughts on this tournament??

Hacker - I'm gonna be completely honest. I will not live a lie anymore. I will be the person that Fenichel fears the most. I will be the one.. the only.. the incredible..

Bry2K - now your intro is getting cornier than mine.

Hacker - whatever.. I will be DISCO HITLER!

[Music begins playing in the background.]

"Disco Hitler! Disco Hitler! Disco Hitler! Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!"

Rachel Stevens - Can someone turn that music off?

[The music is turned off.]

Bry2K - I can see that Rachel's nipples are getting erect.

Rachel Stevens - I'm gonna seriously sue you for sexual harrassment. Hacker, answer the question.

Hacker - I think the tournament is great. It's the best thing in the history of ever. I can't have enough of the tournament. If I have anymore, I will just implode. Look, if you want a answer. Look in the ring.

Bry2K - and if you're looking at me, keep the masturbation down.

Hacker - I will go to the ring, I'll beat Rocky Blonde like a red headed step child. I'll even beat my next few opponents. I still have a feeling that I will lose because I am in a tag team. It's a gut feeling but my foot will be in Rocky Blonde's face and I will beat the odds and beat off Rocky Blonde like George Michael in a restroom.

Rachel Stevens - Also, we know that Bry2K will be at ringside. Will he be there for any other reason than to just watch??

Hacker - Let him tell you himself.

Bry2K - I'm gonna interfere constantly while the ref is distracted. I'm gonna really mess around and I'm gonna beat Rocky Blonde when Hacker isn't doing that. I mean, do you ever expect this honesty? Every time someone asks that question, the guy answers that he is just watching because he lies. If I interfere, I wouldn't be lying about it.

Hacker - do you think this Interview is lacking something?

Bry2K - Rachel's Bra and Panties?

Hacker - your catchphrases..

Bry2K - ......

Hacker - I don't like how you sound when you do that period thing..

Bry2K - .........

Hacker - Are you on your period?

Bry2K - HEY YO!

Hacker - Heeeeeeyy..

Bry2K - You see.. the Bry Guy has alot of macheeso..

Hacker - I had alot of Ma-cheese-mo when I lived in Wisconsin.

Bry2K - and the Bry Guy will be around to see Big Hack beat up Rocky Fudgepacker.

Hacker - He better..

Bry2K - so.. DON'T SING IT! BRING IT!

Hacker - Don't sing in the first place..

Bry2K - because you are about to get Bry Two Kay crashed

Hacker - and Hacked Down also!

Rachel Stevens - Back to you guys at ringside!

Bry2K - do you have alittle Latino in you?

Rachel Stevens - No..

Bry2K - I'll put some in you in the Hotel.

Vic Canon - We will be seeing Hacker take on Rocky Blonde shortly, and soon after, Howell will take on Arthryn!

Eddie Sensation - Alright, shut up! Let's start then!

Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a First Round Match of the World Tour Tournament!

["Champion" by Buju Banton blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by Johnny "Big Cash" Flash, standing 6'1" and weighing in at 235 pounds, from Brooklyn, New York, Rocky Blonde!

[Johnny "Big Cash" Flash and Rocky Blonde step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring.]

The Informer - There's Rocky Blonde, with his new tag team partner!

Eddie Sensation - Tag Team partner?

Vic Canon - Yes Eddie... Johnny "Big Cash" Flash is his tag team partner... combined, they're the Highly Conceited Bastards!

Eddie Sensation - Hahaha!

["Counterfeit" by Limp Bizkit blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - And his opponent... accompanied to the ring by Bry2K, standing 7' and weighing in at 331 pounds, from Detroit, Michigan, Hacker!

[Nobody comes out. Suddenly, "Counterfeit" stops and "Monster Mash" begins to play. Bry2K and Hacker step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring.]

Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!!! MOSTER MASH!!!! ITS DISCO HITLER!!!

The Informer - Easy Eddie!

Vic Canon - There's the bell! This match is underway!

Eddie Sensation - Hopefully it will be as short as last week's matches!! HA HA!!

The Informer - They lock up! OH! Rocky Blonde with a quick hip toss, into a headlock! Hacker gets to his feet, and throws Rocky Blonde to the ropes!

Vic Canon - Blonde bounces back... he ducks a clothesline attempt by Hacker! Blonde turns around... SPEAR! He goes for the cover! 1... 2....

Eddie Sensation - NO! Hacker kicks out!

The Informer - They both slowly get to their feet! Rocky Blonde grabs Hacker.... Suplex! Blonde goes for the cover agan! 1.... 2.... No! Hacker with another kickout!

Vic Canon - And this time, Rocky Blonde is going to the top rope!

Eddie Sensation - Hey! Look! Bry2K is on the apron!

The Informer - LOOK OUT!!! OOH!!! Bry2K just shoved Rocky Blonde off the top rope, and Blonde landed on the concrete floor!

Vic Canon - Watch out!! Here comes Johnny Flash! He pulls Bry2K off the apron... OH!! BIG CLOTHESLINE!!! Bry2K goes down hard!!

Eddie Sensation - HA!! Did you hear that SPLAT?!

The Informer - And here comes Hacker! He's behind Johnny Flash! LOOK OUT!! OOH!!! HACKER JUST SHOVED FLASH INTO THE STEEL RING POLE!! JOHNNY FLASH WENT DOWN HARD!!!

Vic Canon - And now Rocky Blonde is up! But he's on the other side of the ring!

Eddie Sensation - Uh oh... here he comes! He's running around the ring at full speed!

The Informer - LOOK OUT!!! OOOH!!! DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE BY ROCKY BLONDE!!

Vic Canon - Blonde just jumped off of the steel steps, and nailed both Bry2K and Hacker!

Eddie Sensation - Uh oh! There's the bell!

Chris Myers - Ladies and Gentlemen, the referee has informed me that BOTH participants have been counted out!

The Informer - Oh no! These two have lost track of time!

Vic Canon - But that isn't stopping them! Rocky Blonde and Johnny Flash are still all over Hacker and Bry2K!

Eddie Sensation - Here come some EWA officials.. they'll break it up!!

The Informer - Well, the winner of the Howell vs. Arthryn will get a bye all the way into the Semi-Finals... meaning the winner of that match will have a place reserved for him at Global Threat 2000!

Vic Canon - But, right now, we've got to take a commercial break! We'll be right back fans!

WaR CrYmE - Hey, YOU!

Serial Thrylla - You talking to me?

WaR CrYmE - Yeah, whoever you are.

Serial Thrylla - You're a funny guy. I'm probably your idol or some shit.

WaR CrYmE - Huh?? Wait a minute, I recognize you....

Serial Thrylla - Damn right you do... First ever EWA World Champ!

WaR CrYmE - No no no, you're the guy who burns flags and stuff!

Serial Thrylla - Yeah, that would also be me.

WaR CrYmE - So you're supposed to be all BAD, right?

Serial Thrylla - Wanna test me?

WaR CrYmE - Well, before I humiliate you, I think you better go get your car before it rolls into the building!

[Serial Thrylla suddenly notices his car rolling away, and runs after it. WaR CrYmE then mumbles to himself...]

WaR CrYmE - He's so fucking bad, yet he can't park a damn car!! Pathetic....

The Informer - Welcome back to Heat fans! And before we continue on with the card, I'd like to point out that MISS AMERICA 2000, Miss Heather French is here in attendance tonight!!

Eddie Sensation - WHERE?!?!?

Vic Canon - There she is!

[The camera zooms in to a shot of Heather French.]

The Informer - Wow! Isn't she something!

Eddie Sensation - Let me go say hi!!! Move Vic!

Vic Canon - Yeah right Eddie... Dont humiliate yourself!!

Vic Canon - Yes, a Jobber Match! Cody Covington will be taking on GI Bro!

Eddie Sensation - HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

The Informer - What's so funny Eddie?? Last time we saw a Jobber Match, Al Capone BEAT Nick Diamante!!! We could see the same thing happen tonight!! You never know!!

Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall!

[The EWA Theme blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - Introducing first... GI Bro!

[GI Bro steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring.]

The Informer - And fans, this isn't no Booker T! GI Bro started his career in the EWA, then that hick company in Georgia stole the name!

Vic Canon - Exactly! And one thing's for sure... This GI Bro has a lot more talent then that other ripoff!

Eddie Sensation - Hahaha!!

["My Own Summer (Shove It)" by Deftones blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - And his opponent... accompanied to the ring by GeniPher, standing 6'6" and weighing in at 283 pounds, from Miami, Florida, "Crystal Clear" Cody Covington!

[GeniPher and "Crystal Clear" Cody Covington step out from behind the curtain. They suddenly stop, and point towards the curtain...]

The Informer - Wait a minute... what's this??

Vic Canon - Its... Its.... YOU CANT BE SERIOUS!!!

Eddie Sensation - HAHAHAHA!!! IT'S TITO!!! IN MINI-CODY COVINGTON WRESTLING ATTIRE!!

The Informer - Oh man! This is hilarious!!

Vic Canon - Cody Covington is dressed in street clothes! And Tito is in wrestling attire... does this mean he's going to wrestle?!

Eddie Sensation - You're pretty quick, Vic!

The Informer - Well, Tito is in the ring, and there's the bell!

Vic Canon - GI Bro charges at him! Tito ducks! Tito turns around, and kicks GI Bro in the shin!

Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!!!

The Informer - Tito grabs GI Bro in a DDT! But GI Bro won't go down!

Vic Canon - Wait a minute! OH NO!! TITO JUST BIT HIS NECK, AND ROLLED HIM UP!!!

Eddie Sensation - 1.... 2.... 3!!! TITO WINS!! HAHAHAH!! TITO WINS!!

Chris Myers - And the winner of this match... Tito!

The Informer - And look at Tito celebrate! He's acting like he just won the EWA Heavyweight Title!!

Vic Canon - Hahaha!! Cody Covington is carrying Tito backstage on his shoulders!

Eddie Sensation - GI Bro is still in shock! I think he actually thought he could beat Tito!

The Informer - Lets send it backstage...

[Dressed in an impeccable Brooks Brothers suit, woven from golden metallic threads, jet black. Michaels waits at the side of the car for a moment, and then sticks his right arm back into the limo to help his companion out of the car, and out steps the very definition of perfection. Half Nigerian and half Japanese, Isis Midori has the face of a goddess and a figure that can't possibly be natural. The curves are too round and the proportions too perfect; it's as if a she's the personification of every man's fantasies. As she wraps herself in Michaels arms, Michaels looks to the crowd and winks, signifying that he is the man. Isis Midori her almonds shaped eyes gleam amidst the camera flashes and waving spotlights. Through the crowd, a familiar figures presses her way towards The $uperstar Don Michaels. It's his manager and valet Jeanine Trujillo.]

Don Michaels - Hello Jeanine

Jeanine Trujillo - Hello Don, what's with the EWA camera crew?

Don Michaels - Well, I figured that the common man will never be able to attend a gala event like this one, so I decided to give all of my fans a treat, namely watching me at the premiere of my new movie Time Commando 4.

Jeanine Trujillo - EWA huh what about Lorenzo Hayes?

Don Michaels - Lorenzo Hayes? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that's a good one Jeanine. Lorenzo knows better than to show up here, but if he did I'd have to dislocate his other shoulder. Now Jeanine I'd like you to meet my escort for the night Jeanine this is Isis Midori. Isis this is Jeanine Trujillo.

Isis Midori - You must be the ex.

[Isis clutches Michaels arm tightly and sneers momentarily at Jeanine, who in turn stares Isis up and down.]

Jeanine Trujillo - Escort�.that's something like a prostitute isn't it.

Isis Midori - Why you little�..

[Michaels steps between the two.]

Don Michaels - Ohhhhh-kayyyy, let's be civil here ladies, we've got goons from the Globe and the National Enquirer, not to mention stuttering Bob lurking around somewhere; and I don't need that type of press right now. So let's save the cat fight for the EWA ladies.

[Michaels takes Jeanine and Isis by the arm and strolls into the theater.]

Masta Red - Nervous? Why in the hell would I be nervous about Brandon Kearse? He is EWA's current jobber, he hasn't won a match since who knows when. Kearse is no challenge he is merely a person to beat up. Sure Hustler beat him in like 5 seconds, but it will only take me 3 and those three seconds will be the 1, 2, 3 from the referee counting.

Rob DiMarco - Last week, we saw you get the best of The Hustler, and Masta Plex him onto steel!! Will you be looking over your shoulder for The Hustler, who might want some revenge??

Masta Red - Who is Hustler, why don't you tell me that DiMarco? He is a nobody. I knew I shouldn't have wasted my time on his sorry ass. If Hustler wants to come attack me let him. But he will be reliving what happen to him last week. Ya heard!

Rob DiMarco - Back to you guys at ringside!

["Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by Ashley Kearse, standing 6'3" and weighing in at 250 pounds, from California, "The Foundation" Brandon Kearse!

[Ashley Kearse and "The Foundation" Brandon Kearse step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring.]

The Informer - And here comes Brandon Kearse. He's gotten off to a rough start in the EWA...

["Gotten" by Wild Boyz blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'5" and weighing in at 275 pounds, from Atlanta, Georgia, Masta Red!

[Masta Red steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring.]

The Informer - And here comes Masta Red, who will be having his debut match here tonight against Brandon Kearse!

Vic Canon - And we all know that Masta Red was the aWa Heavyweight Champion, so he obviously has great wrestling skill!

Eddie Sensation - WHAT?! Vic, you think the aWa had competition?! Masta Red could be worse then GI Bro, and still could be aWa World Champ!

The Informer - I doubt that Eddie... Anyway, there's the bell! Masta Red's first EWA Match is underway!

Vic Canon - They lock up!! Masta Red knee's Kearse in the stomach three times, then executes a beautiful T-Bone Suplex!

Eddie Sensation - Nice move! I wouldn't expect this from an aWa wrestler....

The Informer - Quiet Eddie... Kearse gets to his feet, and Masta Red grabs him.... OH! GUT WRENCH POWERBOMB! Masta Red goes for the pin... 1.... 2..... No! Kearse with a kickout at 2 and a half!

Vic Canon - Masta Red picks up Brandon Kearse, and throws him to the ropes! Kearse bounces off the ropes, and misses a clothesline attempt! Masta Red turns around and grabs Kearse..... WHAM! DDT!

Eddie Sensation - He NAILED him with it!

The Informer - Masta Red goes for the cover again! 1.... 2..... No! Brandon Kearse kicks out again! Masta Red gets to his feet, and applies a figure four!

Vic Canon - Uh oh! This could be it for Brandon Kearse! He's screaming in pain!

Eddie Sensation - What a retard! If he turns around, he'd notice that the ropes are right there!

The Informer - Well, he must have heard you Eddie, because Brandon Kearse just grabbed the bottom rope! He's lucky Masta Red didn't have that locked on in the middle of the ring!

Vic Canon - Brandon Kearse slowly makes his way to his feet... But Masta Red is there, and he sets up Kearse for a Piledriver! LOOK OUT!!! OOH!!!! PILEDRIVER!

Eddie Sensation - Kearse might have a broken neck!!

The Informer - But Masta Red isn't done! He's picking up Kearse... now he's got him set up for some sort of suplex.... Masta Red lifts him!!! OOH!!! BRAINBUSTER SUPLEX!!

Vic Canon - And now Masta Red is telling the fans that it's over! Masta Red is picking up Kearse... He's got him set up!

Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT!!!

The Informer - OOH!!! MASTA PLEX!! Brandon Kearse is out, and in the middle of the ring! Masta Red goes for the cover.... 1.... 2..... 3!!!

Chris Myers - And the winner of this match, Masta Red!

Vic Canon - Wow! What a great debut win for Masta Red!

Eddie Sensation - Yeah! He cleaned the mat with Brandon Kearse!

The Informer - I told you he would!!

Vic Canon - So have you changed your mind on Masta Red?? Is he still a jobber, according to you?

Eddie Sensation - Ahhhh.... he's one of those guys who likes fans... YUCK!! He needs to work on that... or else, yeah, I think he's a good wrestler!

The Informer - I thought so...

The Informer - Welcome back to Heat! And now, we're going to take you to a pre-recorded interview with Madman! Check it out!

Rob DiMarco - Alright, now I'm here with former aWa superstar Matt "The Madman" Gilman, and uh... we're in one of the rooms in one of his houses in Rochester. Now, before we get to the main questions, can I ask you... exactly why are you in EWA?

Madman - Simple Dice man... the money and use of time. What does it matter WHY I'M IN THE EXTREME WRESTLING ASSOCIATION? Why? I'll tell you Di.. It's because EWA has been the top of the line since it became from day one. It's had the best rankings, the best staff and the best leadership and sponsorships. Hell, EWA has made itself so big that it doesn't need a damn sponsor! It sponsors itself! It's not like aWa having to be sponsored by those nasty ass candybars...Snickers, and having to show us, the wrestlers chomping down on one at least once or twice a promotion. EWA is itself, and everybody loves it, including me. Clear?

Rob DiMarco - Okay, I'm sure a lot of people are wondering this, and so am I... What the hell do you have against The Wildman!?

Madman - [Chuckles] I don't know, how 'bout you tell me. Wildman is a fucking psycho, a real psycho. He should have what Thurston calls himself, and what Nomad wants to be called. Wildman isn't wild, he's a fucking lunatic with killing his parents and all that shit. What do I have against him... Hmmm. Well, for one he's the Extreme champion. He's a two or three time champion I forget. I don't like him for who he is and he just bugs me. [Shifts on couch and faces Rob] You ever watch movies when you were a kid, little horror movies like "The Exorcist" and "Friday the Thirteenth" or "Attack of the Killer Bees"? Remember how at certain scenes when the music was like all weird sounding, and wasn't really music, just a sound effect that kept getting louder and louder, and as it was going on, you felt like something was crawling all over you or somebody was going to jump out from behind and stab you or something?

[Rob DiMarco just removes the cloth and gives Madman a blank look. he blinks twice with his eyes half shut and face was a flat expression. Madman's eyes rise and he reacts loudly.]

Madman - You never had that happen when you were young!? Oh come on... you, a little pussy weasel ass goof like Vick and Informer and Sensation. Don't tell me you're a hardass... with the way you fight like little lesbians over a vibrating dildo with cream inside when you interview guys before matches. Don't even tell me that you never got jitters as a kid. Anyway you shit, that's what Wildman makes me feel like. For some reason, I don't know why but he gets to me and... doesn't give me jitters, but gives me that jittery feeling without fright but with annoyance. Just his existence pisses me off. Back in aWa when I was supposed to wrestle him, I thought that if I could do it that night, I'd beat him and hopefully ridden the haunting around me. But the damn place had to blow to pieces, and I found myself here after a few weeks negotiating with businessmen and Tom Stone winding up here in EWA, for more than one reason. Yeah man, I didn't exactly tell you why I'm in EWA, but it's been told by so many other people it should be obvious to you.

Rob DiMarco - So.. what you're saying is that the only real reason you're here is to therapize yourself over this inner conflict with Wildman? Talk about stupid...

Madman - ROBBY SHUT THE HELL UP!!! You have no room to talk about ANYTHING, or address your opinion, especially to me in one of my own damn houses!!! Talk about stupid? What about at Break Down when you and your wannabe bitch Rachel were tightening up before the show started? It wasn't aired on TV but I was there. You have any idea how damn babyish you looked?! Hah! I still crack up when I picture you two running around screaming for your life, especially you you prudent litte....weasel.

Rob DiMarco - Hey, I was just trying to have some fun! What the hell does that have to do with you?!

Madman - In the words of that asshole "The Professionalist" 'YOU ARE A F'N MORON!!!'. Answer your own damn question you tweek. It's not stupid to be here to sober myself from a bug. No wonder you get smacked around so much by people. Now shut the hell up and do your job, and stop putting your un needed two cents in.

[Rob DiMarco just shakes his head and looks down. Score one for Madman, his objective of the day is complete. Rob opens the paper up and reads another question.]

Rob DiMarco - Fine... Why do you keep attacking Wildman from behind and not facing him one on one. Why not challenge him to a match or something?

Madman - It's more fun when you jump somebody from behind.. It's cowardly... but so what?! It isn't like it's a bad thing I mean look, Chandler attacks Jericho at the end of Break Down a few weeks back, and then on heat they have a match on the Russian stage, and he wins the world title. chandler is a coward, but do I care? NO! I respect him for everything he has done. I don't care if he's gone heel of the world and betrayed the american trust. He created the DFA, and is a part of it without care, I'm a DFA and don't care and so is every other american in the EWA. If you live in America, you are DFA. I am but I follow behind Chandler and Serial Thrylla's steps and I see Brink has too. Anyway, I keep jumping Wildman from behind because I want to make him constantly have to watch his back, look over his shoulder and never give his fat neck muscles a break. I want him to be aware of my presence whether he like it or not because I'm gonna be here for a loooooong time. I have his belt, and I know he doesn't like it when people steel his shit. Plus, the fans give a bigger pop when you sneak attack like a little bitch. [Cracks a smile towards the camera.]

Rob DiMarco - Do you want the Extreme title at all? Or just the nightmare to end?

Madman - I want whatever I can get, and I have more than enough reason for desiring the Extreme Championship belt. Hardcore? Yes... Softcore? Yes... Wildman hasn't had to go through hell lately and I know he didn't in that jailhouse match because if the help from that conceited little prick Masta Red. He managed to be able to conduct an interview on Heat, from which I attacked hee hee, and then wrestle Ice Berg Who? the following week where I then attacked him again. I want to get rid of my illness he created and get rid of him too for everybody's sake. We all know he doesn't draw ratings and fame, it's all the opponents. So he can take bumps.. We all need to to be able to wrestle in the squared circle. He needs to take pain, and he can't. What do I mean Dice? I mean look at where he's been for the last six months out on injury and shit. I've only had one bad beating and that was in nWeff where I had a fucking steel cage fall on top of me after I was nailed with construction tools and beaten by six different people. That's the ONLY injury that I've ever had to take me out of wrestling for six months. I've had others but they never stopped me from completing my goals. How many more of those damn questions you got?

Rob DiMarco - Just this last one which I'm already predicting will happen. Are you going to come out on heat and make any big announcements??

Madman - Can't spoil a surprise. Probably not. I'll be in England getting drunk with my buddy Attitude 8000 and who knows I might take some Cee-bee's too! It's July fourth and a happy day for me. I ain't the spokesperson for EWA so no I'm not going to run my mouth to a bunch of Englishmen about how I'm going to take care of Wildman... Just wait and find out if I do anything because I myself have yet to decide...

[He smiles into the camera again as it fades out...]

WaR CrYmE - Whats all the noise about?

Chandler - MY FUCKING CHIPS ARE STUCK!

WaR CrYmE - Well then go complain to Stone!

[Chandler reads the label on the machine...]

Chandler - [Reads the label on the machine] Made in Detroit... of course! FUCKING AMERICANS....

[Chandler punches the glass again...]

WaR CrYmE - Hey, arent you the EWA World Champion or something?

Chandler - Yeah, thats me.

WaR CrYmE - AND YOU CANT EVEN BREAK THAT GLASS?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

[Chandler suddenly jumps on WaR CrYmE, and begins to punch him in the back! Security runs over and breaks the two apart...]

WaR CrYmE - He burns flags and represents the EWA, yet he can't even break that cheap glass!! HA!! YOU'RE PATHETIC!!!

Howell - Yeah this tournament...my thoughts...well I couldn't give two shits about this tournament. For one thing DiMarco I am not a younger talent...I have been in the EWA for about nine months now and finally getting some recognition for having talent, no thanks to Tom Stone. So really I can win this tournament or I can lose this tournament, but it really doesn't matter which one I do as long as I have the chance to keep hurting people, especially the rookies like Arthryn who think they are the greatest thing in the World. So even though I really don't care much for the tournament, at the end you will see me standing alone as your winner simply because I have no sympathy for anyone in the EWA and since no one will be able to take the pain of my Malice Intention!

Rob DiMarco - Tonight, your opponent is Arthryn, the same man that attacked you last week. That attack was only done to piss you off... Did it work??

Howell - Arthryn you did a lot more then piss me off, you enraged me even more then I was so you are damn right it worked. But you see that doesn't work to his advantage, because the more I am pissed off, the more of a beating I will give to my opponent, and that is you Arthryn. So I promise you Arthryn that you will feel the Malice Intention and you will be a prime example of why not to mess with the EWA International Champion, Howell! And remember you don't hunt what you can't kill!

Rob DiMarco - Over to you Rachel!

Arthryn - Rachel, I would shine in a dark room in the middle of a dark night, so don't get me started. Arthryn is without a doubt the most underrated mother fucker around the EWA, so how about you put me on top of the table and see how I shine the hell out of Tom Stone. I mea--

Rachel Stevens - LOOK OUT!!!

The Informer - OH NO!!! MORAL HAS JUST ATTACKED ARTHRYN!! HE NAILED HIM IN THE HEAD WITH SOMETHING.... I COULDN'T SEE WHAT IT WAS!!!

Vic Canon - Neither could I!! But all that matters is that Arthryn is out cold, and he has a match to go wrestle!

Eddie Sensation - Wait a minute... Look! There's Howell! He see's Arthryn's body on the ground, and he's going over to take advantage of the situation!

The Informer - Howell lifts Arthryn to his feet, and puts him over his shoulder! Now what?!?!

Vic Canon - Well, it looks like Howell is carrying Arthryn to the ring!!

Eddie Sensation - What the hell?!?! Why would he do that?!

The Informer - Eddie, Arthryn could be unconcious! All Howell has to do is bring him to the ring and pin him!

Vic Canon - Exactly! Moral could have just won Howell the match!

[The camera switches from backstage to the arena shot.]

Eddie Sensation - Here they come! Arthryn still looks like he's out cold!

The Informer - Yup! Howell dumps him in the ring, and there's the bell!!

Vic Canon - And remember fans! The winner of this match moves on ALL THE WAY into the Semi-Finals, because of Hacker and Rocky Blonde fighting to a double count out tonight!

Eddie Sensation - Damn! Howell could advance to the PPV without doing one move in this tournament! Hahaha!!

The Informer - Howell goes for the cover! The ref counts.... 1...... 2...... No!! Arthryn kicked out!! Right at the last second!!!

Vic Canon - Howell is stunned! He thought he had it won! Howell is up, and he throws Arthryn to the ropes! Arthryn comes running back.... SPINEBUSTER!!

Eddie Sensation - OUCH!

The Informer - Howell goes for the cover... 1..... 2..... No! Arthryn gets the shoulder up again!

Vic Canon - And now Howell is going to the top rope!

Eddie Sensation - Wait a minute!! LOOK!!! There's Nomad!!!

The Informer - Howell jumps..... BIG ELBOW DROP!!! And Nomad is coming towards the ring!

Vic Canon - Uh oh! Howell spotted him!! These two are having a stare down!!

Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT!!! FROM BEHIND, NUNO JUST NAILED NOMAD!!!!

The Informer - NUNO IS CHOKING NOMAD WITH A FEATHER BOA!!!

Vic Canon - NUNO HAS THAT FEATHER BOA WRAPPED AROUND NOMAD'S NECK!!! NOMAD CAN'T BREATHE!!!

Eddie Sensation - Feather what?! It's a damn scarf!

The Informer - Yes, exactly! Feather boa!

Eddie Sensation - SCARF!

Vic Canon - BOA!

Eddie Sensation - SCARF!

Vic Canon - BOA!

Eddie Sensation - SCARF!

Vic Canon - BOA!

Eddie Sensation - SCARF!

The Informer - GUYS, SHUT UP!!!! Arthryn is up!! Howell has his back turned! Arthryn rolls him up.... 1..... 2...... No!! OH MAN!! Howell kicked out at 2 and nine tenths!

Vic Canon - Howell is pissed! They're both up... Arthryn swings for a clothesline!!! NO!!! HOWELL HAS IT LOCKED ON!!! MALICIOUS INTENT!!!! MALICIOUS INTENT!!!!

Eddie Sensation - OH MAN!! ARTHRYN JUST COLLAPSED TO THE MAT!!!

The Informer - The ref is checking Arthryn.... AND THERE'S THE BELL!!! ARTHRYN IS OUT!!! HOWELL WINS!!! HOWELL ADVANCES!!!

Chris Myers - And the winner of this match.... Howell!

Vic Canon - Wait a minute!! Look at Nomad!! He's got Nuno set up on the top of the ramp!

Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT!!!!!

The Informer - OOOOOOH!!!!!!!! OH MAN!!!!!! WANDERING OFF THE TOP OF THE RAMP AND DOWN THROUGH A TABLE!!!! NUNO IS OUT!!!! GET AN AMBULANCE OUT HERE!!!

Vic Canon - LOOK AT THE SMILE ON NOMAD'S FACE!!!

Eddie Sensation - Wait a minute... Nomad is back on the ramp! And he's got a mic!! Shhhhh!!!

Nomad - Listen up, fuckbucket, and listen good. You stole MY property. You took MY title. And now I'm getting it back.

The Informer - Howell looks confused, he doesn't know what Nomad's driving at here! Howell actually thinks that it's HIS title!

Nomad - Haha.... that's right, THURSTON. I'm challenging you to a little match. You want to be the International Champion? You want your shot? YOU GOT IT. At EWA's Global Threat, you'll get your shot. The whole world will see if you have what it takes to become what I have become three times over. You beat me, Howell, and you beat the best there is. But as we all know, that just won't happen.

Eddie Sensation - Nomad is pissing Howell off!! He's furious!!!

Nomad - Hahaha.... you like that, eh? Then catch this: We're not gonna' have a normal match, Howell. We're gonna' have us a little match some people call a.... GLASS MATCH.

Vic Canon - HOLY SHIT! THE CROWD JUST ERUPTED WITH CHEERS!!!

The Informer - THAT'S NOMAD'S MATCH! THAT'S THE MATCH HE INVENTED, THE MATCH HE PUT ON THE MAP!!!

Eddie Sensation - HE NEARLY KILLED TNT IN THAT MATCH!!!

Vic Canon - HOWELL IS NODDING, HE'S ACCEPTED THE MATCH!!! AND NOMAD IS SMILING EAR TO EAR!!!

Eddie Sensation - OH MY GOD!!!!! INTERNATIONAL TITLE GLASS MATCH AT THE PPV!!! AHHHHH!!!!!

The Informer - FANS, WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK!! DON'T GO ANYWHERE!!!

Vic Canon - That move of Howell's is vicious... a lot worse then you fans think!! So far, he's used it twice, and both times the recipient was carried away on a stretcher.

Eddie Sensation - Damn! He really is psycho!

The Informer - Wait a minute... look! There's Moral! What's that in his hand?? WAIT... NO!! NO!!!! DONT DO THAT!!!

Vic Canon - MY GOD!!!! FANS, MORAL HAS A FLAME THROWER IN HIS HANDS!!!!! AND ITS LIT!!!! HE'S AIMING TOWARDS THE UNCONCIOUS BODY OF ARTHRYN!!! DONT DO IT MORAL!! THAT'S A HUMAN BEING!!!

Eddie Sensation - Oh man! This guy is crazy!

The Informer - NOOOOO!!!! NO!!! GET A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!!! MORAL HAS JUST LIT THE STRETCHER ON FIRE!!!! AND HE'S LAUGHING!!!!!!!!

Vic Canon - WAIT..... HERE COMES HELP!!! THANK GOD!!! THEY'VE PUT THE FIRE OUT!!!!

Eddie Sensation - That Moral guy is NUTS! He just set Arthryn on fire!

The Informer - And now they're handcuffing Moral! He's a lunatic! He just tried to burn Arthryn to death!

Vic Canon - Luckily, an EWA Staff member got his hands on a fire extinguisher and put it out before Arthryn could suffer any severe injuries!

Eddie Sensation - And the funny thing is, Arthryn isn't even concious!! He cant react!! HAHAHA!!!

The Informer - THAT'S NOT FUNNY EDDIE!!

Vic Canon - Fans, we've got to take another break... this is crazy....

The Informer - Ladies and gentlemen, over the last few weeks, a certain someone has been in negotiations with the Extreme Wrestling Association interested in speaking his mind and advancing his career. Now, it's not who you think it is, trust me. He's the current EWA Commissioner, and was once the co-founder of this company! That's right, he's "Top Dollar" Vinny D! Now, this past week I had an opportunity to sit down with Vince Di Nardo and discuss a whole load of things... from his early involvement in the EWA, to his days as a manager! We covered everything about Vince Di Nardo, including asking him why he feels this time around will be different from the last time. Over the course of the next 4 weeks on Tuesday Night Heat, we will be bringing you portions of this in depth chat I had with the EWA Commissioner. So, right now, let's go to part one of this interview. This week "Top Dollar" Vinny D speaks about his early years in the business and the birth of the EWA!

The Informer - Welcome EWA fans into the home of the EWA Commissioner "Top Dollar" Vinny D... Mr. Di Nardo has asked for this opportunity to speak to myself, the fans, and the pro wrestling world in general about a lot of topics. First off, thank you for bringing us into your home, Vince.

Vince Di Nardo - No problem, it's my pleasure to have you and the fans here!!

The Informer - Now Vince, can you briefly explain to the fans watching all over the world why it is that you asked for this opportunity?

Vince Di Nardo - Well, quite simply, I think it's about time that Vince Di Nardo, not "Top Dollar" let his true feelings and thoughts be known, and I also sincerely believe that it is my time to step out of the shadows and into the spotlight.

The Informer - Let's get this out of the way right now. You've specifically asked me to ask you the hard questions, is that correct? Basically, you want to go all out and answer all the questions I throw at you because there's a lot to talk about.

Vince Di Nardo - Well, sure, I mean, I do owe it to the fans and my friends to answer those tough questions, everyone's been wanting to know the truth about me, so I feel it's time I let them know it.

The Informer - When this show eventually goes to air, it will be divided into a few segments... each targeting a specific topic of conversation. This week we'll be speaking about your early days in the business. So tell me, Vince... how did you get started off in pro wrestling?

Vince Di Nardo - [Smirks] Well, to tell ya the truth, I kinda stumbled into it. First off, I should say, I used to wrestle with kids on my block every day, and I was pretty damn good if I do say so myself, me and Nick made quite the formidable tag team, and eventually we won our neighbourhood tag championships!! [Smiles] Wrestling was my passion, but one day, I was visiting an indy fed, and I left my address for what I thought was there weekly newsletter. Two weeks later, I recieved a letter from a wrestler asking me if I was interested in managing him. I took him up on the offer, and that's pretty much where I began with the buisness.

The Informer - I understand you reached a very high level of success as a manager before the EWA even existed. Can you tell us about some of the feds you were in and what some of your accomplishments were?

Vince Di Nardo - Well, I was the manager of the Devil's Advocates in the EOCW, they were the biggest stable in that organization's history. I led Vader and Mankind to the tag titles, Papa Shango to the Television Title, Sycho Sid to the U.S. Title, and The Macho Man to the Heavyweight Title. I left that organization and brought the Advocates to the ECW, where again, I had Vader and Mankind take tag gold, and Sycho Sid to the heavyweight Title. I left that orginization and returned to the EOCW where I led The New Age Outlaws to Tag gold, and Triple H to Heavyweight gold. I then went off to the newly opened EWA and wreaked havoc with DX. Triple H held the EWA Heavyweight Title, Razor Ramon held the International Title, Mankind held the Extreme Title and the New Age Outlaws held the EWA Tag Titles. I led Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart to an International Title rein, and Extreme Velocity to a Tag Title rein. I also had a short lived rein with The Rock, as he was handed a title, that was renamed the people's title. So, I have had many champions under my wing.

The Informer - Tell me about your friend, Tom Albanese. How did you meet?

Vince Di Nardo - Well, Tom lives next door to Nick, and that's how I met him. We began to hang out and wrestle whenever I went over there, Tom was a cool guy... he still is. [Chuckle]

The Informer - Is it true that Tom pulled you aside and asked you if you were interested in helping him out with a new pro wrestling organization?

Vince Di Nardo - Ya, I had pretty much pulled Tom into wrestling, and then, he, with his brains and insights, and power, decided to start his own, or, our own company!!

The Informer - When you first agreed to his offer, what was the deal? Would you be co-owners and operators of the Extreme Wrestling Association?

Vince Di Nardo - I would take care of all the creative work, and Tom would handle all the other stuff. He took on a much greater load of work than I was faced with.

The Informer - Why do you think Tom decided to ask you to help him run the EWA as opposed to asking Nick Diamante?

Vince Di Nardo - At that point in time, Nick just didn't have the enthusiasm I did, and I think Tom wanted someone who would be into the project all the way.

The Informer - Ok, so the journey began. Vince Di Nardo and Tom Albanese.... No.... Vince Black and Tom Stone set out to revolutionize the wrestling world! What do you think about the early months of the EWA?

Vince Di Nardo - For the circumstances we were faced with, I think we did pretty well, and we managed to attract some great athletes and entertainers. We had some pretty damn good creative ideas also, and I think that that is a big part of why people liked us.

The Informer - I understand you and Tom had some creative differences, and it almost lead to the demise of the EWA. Is that true?

Vince Di Nardo - Well, like I said, Tom took on a much larger role than I did, and it did get to him. Dealing with the idiots that didn't know what they were doing was also a great stress on Tom's head, a lot of people are just stupid, and Tom had to deal with them.

The Informer - When the EWA got back up and running again, your role would be different, would it not? On top of helping out Tom with the creative side of the EWA, you became a manager. Tell me a little bit about your days as the manager of D-Generation X... an era that is often overshadowed and passed over, when in fact, it was a very exciting era!

Vince Di Nardo - Well, me and Tom had agreed that the EWA was too good to just throw out, so he reopened, knowing what he was going to take on and setting a plan of action that would keep us running. I, in the meantime, wanted back in again and wanted to manage myself some more champions. I had done so in the first run of the EWA, but I wanted to do so again.

The Informer - What did you think of Team Ballz at the time?

Vince Di Nardo - Team Ballz was a very strong faction, we beat them, but not without some dirty tactics. Actually, although the DX team had put in an outstanding effort in the match, it wasn't a DX member who got the win for us, it was The Rock. [Chuckling]

The Informer - Things were running smoothly and the EWA was becoming very popular. However, with the Team Ballz / DX feud coming to an halt, things slowed down for you too. Team Ballz went their separate ways and all went on to achieve great singles glory. At this time, both you and Tom Stone were trying to coax your friend Nick Diamante into entering the EWA. Tell me a bit about that.

Vince Di Nardo - Well Nick truly is the stubbornest SOB I have ever met. He, at first, would not even consider getting into the bizz. He loved wrestling, but didn't have the time to dedicate to it, and so, wouldn't give it an opportunity.

The Informer - You guys finally got to Nick and made him crack. You spent some time trying to figure out a good storyline, and low and behold, X-Pac shows up one day on Heat and turns his back on DX, proclaiming a time for change. Tell me about your long term plan with Nick Diamante to truly revolutionize the EWA as never before!

Vince Di Nardo - Well, me and Nick sat down one night and racked our brains for a huge idea, something that would blow wrestling fans away, something so big it would lay claim, to one of, if not, the most historical event in EWA history. Then, it hit us. DX would drop X-Pac, X-Pac would come back, and vow to get revenge on DX, because they were selling out. So X-Pac, formed RX and eventually, The Bad Guy Razor Ramon, began to lead that group. Two factions who hated eachother, yet most of them were once the best of friends. These two groups feuded bitterly, and the fans loved it. Me and Nick, we knew that in about six months time, we would be dropping the biggest bomb on professional wrestling ever, even more revolutional than the nWo. What this feud all led up to, would shock the world, and most especially, Tom Stone.

[The scene fades to black and back into the arena.]

The Informer - Well, next week we'll be going to part 2 of that segment where Vince Di Nardo will talk about the most controversial era in EWA history... the RX days! We've got to go to a commercial, we'll be right back!

Jack Murphy - Well, I can see where the rumors make a point. I made my name as a singles wrestler in Japan and the DOA-Pro, so yeah, you could say I'm a great singles wrestler. In fact, you should say I'm a great singles wrestler. But I've never had as good a tag partner as THC 3, and I honestly feel that we're gonna have a huge impact in the EWA tag ranks. So, we'll just have to see if the rumors are true.

Rob DiMarco - We know that El GiGante will be at ringside... does this affect your mind frame at all?

Jack Murphy - Do you stop watching the trapeze artist at the circus when a clown is standing to the side? Of course not. THC 3 will be at ringside, and he's always got my back, so I ain't worried. What's the spanish word that describes El Gigante best? It's mariposa, and I ain't worried about no mariposa.

Rob DiMarco - Over to you, Rachel!

Moochie - Eh Meng, it's prolly cuz they actually wanna see me by myself. I mean, dey wanna see da Moochie-Man. They wanna see me walkin' solo to see da skill dat I have esa. Stone knows I got da talent to do anythang mang.

Rachel Stevens - Your partner, El GiGante, will be at ringside. But, you two haven't been on the same page latly... Will GiGante be more of a distraction, or help?

Moochie - Eh, as long as he keeps hisself away from das match, I think dat everythang will be under da control of da Moochie-Man.

Rachel Stevens - Back to you guys at ringside!

Vic Canon - This is where these competitors proove themselves! Sure, they're good in tag teams, but can they do as well in singles action?

Eddie Sensation - We're about to find out!

The Informer - Lets send it to Chris Myers!

Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall!

["Expendable Youth" by Slayer blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by THC III, standing 6'5" and weighing in at 255 pounds, from Birmingham, Alabama, Jack Murphy!

[THC III and Jack Murphy step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring.]

The Informer - And there are the Dark Ryders! Tonight, Jack Murphy will be representing them in singles action!

Vic Canon - Against Moochie! Ha! Jack Murphy might not need too much skill to win this match!

Eddie Sensation - WHAT?! MOOCHIE IS GREAT!!! HE'S MEXICAN!!!

The Informer - Hahaha!!

["Rap Superstar" by Cypress Hill blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - And his opponent... accompanied to the ring by El GiGante, standing 5'9" and weighing in at 170 pounds, from Mexico City, Mexico, Moochie "The Disgruntled Mexican"!

[El GiGante and Moochie "The Disgruntled Mexican" step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring.]

The Informer - Uh oh!! El GiGante is walking to the ring with a chair in his hand!! I dont like the looks of this!!

Vic Canon - This can only mean trouble!! You know that GiGante's intentions are to use that chair!!

Eddie Sensation - WHAT?!?! You dont know that!! GiGante could just be carrying it to look dangerous!!

The Informer - I doubt that... There's the bell! Moochie charges at Murphy! Murphy drops to the mat, and takes down Moochie with a trip!

Vic Canon - Murphy gets up, and so does Moochie! Murphy nails Moochie with a dropkick! Moochie gets up again... and Murphy puts him over the top rope with a clothesline!! Moochie is out on the concrete floor!

Eddie Sensation - And now El GiGante is trying to help Moochie to his feet! See!! He's not causing any trouble!!

The Informer - GiGante is whispering something to Moochie!

Vic Canon - Uh oh... they might be planning something!

Eddie Sensation - Why do you guys always think badly about them?!?!

The Informer - They've brought it upon themselves! GiGante helps Moochie into the ring... Jack Murphy lifts Moochie to his feet, and throws him to the ropes! No! Moochie reverses!

Vic Canon - Jack Murphy ducks a clothesline attempt by Moochie! He bounces off the ropes.......

Eddie Sensation - WHAM!!!!! OOOH MAN!!!!!!

The Informer - OH MAN!!! EL GIGANTE JUST NAILED JACK MURPHY WITH A CHAIR TO THE BACK!! AND THE REF DIDNT SEE IT!!

Vic Canon - Moochie is going for the cover!! But THC III is on the apron! He's got the referee distracted!

Eddie Sensation - DAMN CHEATERS!! MOOCHIE HAD IT WON!!!

The Informer - And now El GiGante is getting into the ring with that chair!! THC is telling the ref to turn around, but the ref wants THC off the apron!!

Vic Canon - Moochie has Murphy's arms held back!! El GiGante has the chair over his head...... WHAM!!!!!! OH NO!!! OH NO!!!!

Eddie Sensation - AHHH!! GIGANTE HIT MOOCHIE!!! MURPHY MOVED OUT OF THE WAY!!

The Informer - And now Jack Murphy kicks El GiGante in the groin, and throws him over the top rope! Wait a minute.... THC got off the apron, and the ref is turned around! Now Murphy is going for the cover!!

Vic Canon - The ref counts.... 1...... 2....... 3!!!!!!!!

Chris Myers - And the winner of this match, Jack Murphy!!!

Eddie Sensation - OH NO!!! MISCOMMUNICATION BETWEEN THE MEXICAN CONNECTION HAS COSTED MOOCHIE A LOSS!!!

The Informer - And Moochie is pissed! He's going to the outside to talk to GiGante, but GiGante is out cold on the floor! And Moochie is just leaving him there!! Moochie is walking to the back, ALONE!!

Vic Canon - GiGante has pissed him off! But you have to remember, Moochie did the same thing to GiGante last week!

Eddie Sensation - Well, The Dark Ryders are happy!! They outsmarted GiGante and Moochie...

The Informer - How hard is it to do that?!?!

Divine - Hello Robby....I must say, you're looking exquisite tonight! Chris Jericho...a tasty dish indeed, and yes, we have had a controversial past, but Divine knows how to play nice when he's told. Chris Jericho and I might not have a lot in common, but we both dislike Chandler and Serial Thrylla. I just cant stand anyone who bashes the USA!! What other country can a guy like me get away with being as gay as I am?? Believe me, you cant do it in England!! You cant do it in Mexico!! Only in the USA can a raging homosexual like Divine express himself!! And as far as the "Barbie Doll Death Match" goes....that was my last match before Tommy Stones brutally fired me. Chris Jericho brutalized my ass and put me in a dress. I had a hurricane of emotions flowing through my mind after that match. Do you know what I was feeling Robbie?!?

Rob DiMarco - I have no clue....

Divine - PLEASURE!!!! I was never so turned on in my entire life!!! How do you humiliate a gay man by putting him in a dress? But one thing about that situation did tickle me the wrong way, and that was the EWA commentary crew....who I know is watching right now!!! Boys....when I was put in that dress Informer, Vic Cannon, and "Special ED" Eddie Sensation, all voiced their pleasure in what was happening....guys....while I was exiled from the EWA I watched that tape over, and over, and over again....and I've forgiven Chris Jericho for turning me on, but not engaging in unprotected anal sex with me, I've accepted that Tom Stone was justified in firing me....but I HAVE NOT AND WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU FASCIST FUCKS FOR GLORIFYING MY ATTEMPTED HUMILIATION!!!!! Especially Eddie Sensation. Eddie...can I share a little secret with you? When I was in high school...my favorite class was "PHYS ED" would you like to play a game with me sometime Eddie? You can be the "PHYS ED" teacher...I can be the naughty student....but I've got something in store for the commentary boys.....That is why....paybacks are sweet....and filled with meat!!!

Rob DiMarco - Ok....Tonight, your opponent is the EWA Heavyweight Champion, and the man who's testicles you had in your hand last week, CHANDLER! Are you at all nervous, or scared about stepping in the ring with Chandler after what happened last week?

Divine - YES!! I am EXTREMELY nervous!! Look at my hands Rob!! They're shaking uncontrollably!!

[Divine shoves his hands in Rob DiMarco's face.]

Rob DiMarco - My God!! You're fingers reek!!! What is that God awful smell?!?

Divine - Umm...I had a little itch in the region below my waist and above my knees....that area would be...

Rob DiMarco - Disgusting!!!

Divine - You might say that, but remember Rob, these hands were on Chandler's crispy nuggets last week, and this week I hope to fondle his entire body!! Yes, I may have touched the EWA Champion...but he touched me too!! You might not of seen it...but he did!! He touches me every time he walks that ailse and shows off that curvaceous caboose of his!! I must say that Chandler has a perfectly shaped ass!! I am nervous for many reasons tonight...the main reason is that I hope I can control myself when I'm alone in that ring with Chandler, the best the EWA has to offer....OH MY GOD HE'S HOT!!! The way he moves...the way he COMMANDS respect....OH MY GOD I'M GETTING ORGASMIC RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

[Divine sticks his hand down his pants and jams it up his ass. Rob DiMarco drops the microphone and flees for cover. Divine falls to the ground and shakes violently for a few moments then slowly gets up and takes the microphone.]

Divine - Chandler.....MMMMMMMMMMMmmmmm.....tonight.....you enter myicho world...and you will never be the same again! I'm going to scar you for the rest of you're life! I've had mexican food....I've had Chinese...earlier today I had some Italian when that pizza delivery boy came to the arena...tonight....I TASTE CAJUN!!!! Over to Rachel....uuhhhhhhhh......

Chandler - Shut the fuck up bitch. You see, if I wasn't the god damn shit, and I am, I would be enraged at what Divine did last night. But this is a WRESTLING ring, and shit that goes on in that ring that has nothing to do with wrestling...well...I couldn't care less about. Divine, your fucking comedy act ends tonight boy, because I am the UNIFIED EWA World Heavyweight Champion, the one, true, champion, and I am the greatest god damn wrestler to ever walk through that curtain. You wanna fuck with me, Divine? Like Dre said, now its time that I fuck with you.

Rachel Stevens - What are your thoughts of the "Fu Man Crew"??

Chandler - Just shut the fuck up Rachel, and where the hell's DiMarco anyway?

Rachel Stevens - I...

Chandler - I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP, you god damn mattress. The "Fu Man Crew", for all I care about, is a joke. Jericho and Divine are nothing but big fucking jokes. THIS [Chandler points to his chest, and his title], is NOT A GOD DAMN JOKE! I've beaten better men than you, I've put better men that you out of the damn business....

[Chandler stares at the camera with a cynical contenance.]

Chandler - AND TONIGHT I FUCKING TAKE YOU LIFE!

Rachel Stevens - Back to y....

Chandler - [From the hallway] I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Vic Canon - Also, these two are on opposing rival groups!! Chandler represents Team Ballz, while Divine represents the Fu Man Crew!

Eddie Sensation - Those bastards squirted MILK in my face! DAMN BASTARDS!

Vic Canon - [Trying to speak with a chinese accent...] THEY NO BASTARDS!! THEY FU MAN CREW!!!

The Informer - HAHAHAHA!!! Lets start this match!

Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Non-Title Match!

["I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by The Cows in Black and Chris Jericho, standing 6'8" and weighing in at 325 pounds, from Candy Land, Divine!

[Chris Jericho, the Cows in Black and Divine step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring.]

The Informer - And there are the Fu Man Crew! A funny bunch if you ask me! But if you ask someone like Eddie Sensation, he'll beg to differ!!

Vic Canon - Hahaha!! How's the eye doing Eddie?!?!

Eddie Sensation - SHUT UP!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!

The Informer - Hahaha!!

["Ready or Not" by The Fugees blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - And his opponent... accompanied to the ring by Serial Thrylla, standing 6' and weighing in at 240 pounds, from Shreveport, Louisiana, the EWA Heavyweight Champion, Chandler!

[Serial Thrylla and the EWA Heavyweight Champion Chandler step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring.]

The Informer - And there is Team Ballz! They look focused, and somewhat pissed off!

Vic Canon - Dont they always??

Eddie Sensation - Chandler is in the ring, and there's the bell!

The Informer - Divine and Chandler are inching closer and closer... neither of them want to make the first move!

Vic Canon - Divine reaches for Chandler's leg, but Chandler quickly pulls it away!! He doesn't want Divine touching him like he touched him last week!

Eddie Sensation - Thats sick! Divine should be arrested! I'm bringing him to court for what he did to me!!

The Informer - Chandler charges at Divnie, but Divine moves out of the way! Divine quickly turns around, and kicks Chandler in the stomach! But Chandler catches his foot! Chandler lifts his foot higher, and higher! Divine finally falls on his back!

Vic Canon - Divine quickly kicks his leg, and he nails Chandler right in the chest! Chandler goes flying backwards, into the ropes! Chandler bounces off the ropes, and jumps over the body of Divine... Divine gets up, Chandler bounces off the ropes again...

Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT!!

The Informer - Chandler swings for a spinning heel kick, but Divine ducks it! Chandler turns around, and Divine grabs him! Divine lifts him in a suplex.... No! Chandler gets free, and lands on his feet behind Divine!

Vic Canon - Divine turns around, and Chandler kicks him in the gut! Chandler lifts him.... POWERBOMB!!! NO!!! Divine landed on his feet!! Chandler knee's Divine in the gut....

Eddie Sensation - WHAM!!!!! OOOOH MAN!!!!!!

The Informer - BIG TIMER!!!!!! BIG TIMER!!!!!! CHANDLER NAILED HIM WITH IT!!!!!!

Vic Canon - AND DIVINE IS OUT COLD!!!

Eddie Sensation - WHAT THE HELL?!?! NO!!! STAY AWAY FROM ME DIVINE!!!

[Eerie music begins to play, when suddenly the following logo appears on the EWA Big Screen...]

The Informer - HUH??? JULY 30th... THAT'S GLOBAL THREAT!!

[The lights come back on.]

Vic Canon - Look at Chandler!! He's standing there, stunned!! BUT LOOK!!! DIVINE IS UP!!!

Eddie Sensation - OH NO!!! TURN AROUND CHANDLER!!!

The Informer - Chandler turns around... Divine scoops him up..... WHAM!!!!! DIVINE INTERVENTION!!!!! HE NAILED IT!!!! CHANDLER IS OUT!!!!!!

Vic Canon - DIVINE IS GOING FOR THE COVER..... 1........ 2........

Eddie Sensation - NO!!!! SERIAL THRYLLA JUST PULLED DIVINE'S LEG, CAUSING THE COUNT TO BREAK!! HAHAHA!!! I LOVE IT!!

The Informer - SERIAL THRYLLA JUST KEPT CHANDLER FROM LOSING TO DIVINE!!! WAIT A MINUTE, LOOK OUT!!!!! HERE COMES CHRIS JERICHO!!!!

Vic Canon - WWWWWHAM!!!!!!! OOOOH MAN!!!!!! JERICHO NAILED THRYLLA WITH A CHAIR!!!! SERIAL THRYLLA HAS TO BE UNCONCIOUS!!! DID YOU SEE HOW HARD HE HIT HIM?!?!

Eddie Sensation - OH NO!!! LOOK!!!

The Informer - DIVINE IS GOING FOR THE COVER AGAIN!!! THE REF IS IN POSITION, AND THRYLLA IS OUT COLD!!!! 1....... 2.......

Vic Canon - NO!!!!! CHANDLER KICKS OUT!!! CHANDLER KICKED OUT!!!

Eddie Sensation - PHEW!!!

The Informer - WOW!!! That was close!!! Wait a minute... the Cows are on the apron!! They're distracting the ref!!

Vic Canon - AND LOOK! Chris Jericho is getting into the ring with that steel chair!! Chandler is getting to his feet... Jericho is setting him up!!! ......WHAM!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - OH MAN!!!!! JERICHO JUST NAILED CHANDLER WITH THE CHAIR!!! CHANDLER IS DOWN, AND OUT!!!

The Informer - And now Jericho is putting the steel chair on Chandler's chest!! What's he doing?!?! Jericho runs to the ropes..... OOOOH!!!!!!!

Vic Canon - ASAI MOONSAULT, RIGHT ONTO THE CHAIR!!!! CHANDLER'S CHEST MUST BE COLLAPSED!!!!

Eddie Sensation - WHAT CHEATERS!!! THEY CHEATED!!!

The Informer - Shut up Eddie! Jericho is rolling out of the ring, and the Cows are getting off the apron!! Thrylla is still out on the outside, and Divine is on his feet!!

Vic Canon - Divine lifts Chandler, and scoops him up!! OH!! BACKBREAKER!! Divine has Chandler right in the middle of the ring!! Divine goes for the cover.... 1......... 2......... 3!!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - NOOO!!!! THEY CHEATED!!! THATS NOT FAIR!!!

The Informer - DIVINE HAS BEATEN CHANDLER!!! DIVINE WINS!!!! DIVINE WINS!!!!

Chris Myers - And the winner of this match, Divine!

Vic Canon - THE FU MAN CREW HAVE SMILES ON THEIR FACES FROM CHEEK TO CHEEK!! THEY'RE GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!

Eddie Sensation - THOSE CHEATERS!! HEY, LOOK!!! THRYLLA IS GETTING UP!!!

The Informer - And so is Chandler!! They're both trying to get to their feet, but they can hardly stand straight!!

Vic Canon - Neither of them know what the hell happened!

Eddie Sensation - I'LL TELL THEM!!! THE FU MAN CREW CHEATED TO WIN!!!

The Informer - Look at Chandler! I think he just realized that he lost!! And all the fans here in England are shoving it in his face!! Chandler is PISSED!!!

Vic Canon - Chandler looks like he's going to SNAP!!! We better get some security out here!

Eddie Sensation - That won't be necessary... Chandler is leaving the ring, all by himself! He doesn't need security to escort him!!

The Informer - Wait a minute... Chandler just stopped in front of Miss Heather French, Miss America 2000!!! He's staring at her!!

Vic Canon - OH NO!!! NO!! NO!!!! CHANDLER HAS HER BY THE THROAT!!! LOOK AT ALL THE FANS AROUND THERE, THEY'RE RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES!!!! CHANDLER IS CRAZY!!!!

Eddie Sensation - GET SOME HELP OUT HERE!!!!! HE HAS MISS AMERICA BY HER THROAT!!!

The Informer - AND NOW HE'S LIFTING HER OVER THE GUARDRAIL!!! NO!!! NO!!!! CHANDLER, DONT DO THAT!!!!!

Vic Canon - CHANDLER IS STARING HER IN THE EYE..... AND NOW HE'S WHISPERING SOMETHING IN HER EAR!!! LOOK AT HER!!! SHE'S CRYING!!!!

Eddie Sensation - SHE'S JUST AN INNOCENT WOMAN!!! BUT CHANDLER DOESN'T CARE!!!!!

The Informer - OH NO!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!! CHANDLER HAS -HIROSHIMA- APPLIED!!!!!!!! MISS AMERICA 2000 IS LOCKED IN CHANDLER'S HIROSHIMA!!!!!!!!

Vic Canon - STOP THIS!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!!! GET SOME HELP OUT HERE!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Informer - Welcome back to Heat folks... and paramedics have finally gotten Chandler away from Miss Heather French, who happens to be Miss America of the year 2000....

Vic Canon - Chandler is insane! He's still standing in the ring, laughing at this as they carry her away on a stretcher! This man is crazy!

Eddie Sensation - You wanna know what's crazy?!?! The next person to try and talk to Chandler!! He's going to snap on ANYONE that comes in his way!!

Vic Canon - Oh yeah?? HA!! I'll be right back...

The Informer - Vic, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!?!?!

Vic Canon - Just dont worry!! I'll be right back!!!!

Eddie Sensation - NO..... DONT TELL ME......

The Informer - I THINK HE'S GOING TO TRY AND TALK TO CHANDLER!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - AHAHAHHAHA!!! GOODBYE CANON!! SEE YOU IN HELL, YOU DEAD FUCK!!!!

The Informer - I cant beleive Vic! He's got a microphone, and he's getting into the ring!!!

Eddie Sensation - Shut those camera's off, unless you want to see a murder happen!!!

Vic Canon - Chandler!! Umm... Chandler!!! Over here!! Vic Canon here.... I just wanted to get a few words with you...

The Informer - NO!! DONT DO IT VIC!!!! YOU'LL REGRET IT!!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - HE'S A DEAD MAN!!!!!!!

Vic Canon - WHAT THE HELL WOULD POSESS YOU TO ATTACK A WOMAN!?!?!?!! A DAMN WOMAN!!!!!! SHE'S NOT A WRESTLER, SHE'S A WOMAN!!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU CHANDLER?!?!?!

The Informer - OOH NO!!!!!! CHANDLER HAS VIC CANON BY THE THROAT!!!! CANON JUST DROPPED THE MIC, AND NOW HIS LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE HIM!!!!

Eddie Sensation - HAHAHAHAHHA!!!! CANON, SAY GOODBYE!!!!

The Informer - WHAM!!!!!! OH MAN!!!!!!! CHANDLER JUST NAILED VIC CANON WITH A BIG TIMER!!!!!! CANON IS OUT!!!!!! GET AN AMBULANCE FOR VIC CANON!!!!

Eddie Sensation - BUT LOOK!!! CHANDLER ISN'T DONE!!!!! HE'S APPLYING -HIROSHIMA-!!!!!!!

The Informer - NO!!!!!!! HIROSHIMA!!!!!!!! CHANDLER HAS HIROSHIMA LOCKED ON!!!!!!!!!! VIC CANON IS A DEAD MAN!!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - GET SOME SECURITY OUT HERE!!!!! GET CHANDLER AWAY FROM VIC CANON!!!!! HE'LL KILL HIM!!!!!!!

The Informer - FANS, WE'RE GOING TO ANOTHER COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!! DONT GO AWAY!!!!!!!

[The scene opens to a shot of an ambulance driving away...]

The Informer - Welcome back to Heat folks, and there goes Vic Canon to the local hospital! Eddie, Chandler is a SICK, SICK man!

Eddie Sensation - I'd have to agree!! He SNAPPED!! First he took out Miss America 2000, and then Vic Canon! This guy is nuts!!

The Informer - Hopefully Tom Stone will do something about this situation.... I'm pretty sure Stone isn't here tonight, but hopefully he can do something to Chandler for this...

Eddie Sensation - Wait a minute! Speak of the devil, there's Tom Stone! He's right in Chandler's face!

The Informer - Stone is saying something to Chandler, but we can really hear it!! OH MAN!!! STONE IS YELLING AND SCREAMING!!!!

Eddie Sensation - Uh oh!! Stone might be next!! Chandler is a psycho, he could very well attack his boss next!!!

The Informer - MY GOD!! LISTEN TO STONE YELL AND SCREAM AT CHANDLER!!! HE'S FEARLESS!!!

Eddie Sensation - WHAM!!!!! OH NO!!!!! CHANDLER JUST SLUGGED STONE RIGHT IN THE FACE!!!! STONE IS DOWN!!!! AND CHANDLER IS WALKING AWAY!!!!!

The Informer - OH NO!!!!! CHANDLER HAS PUNCHED TOM STONE IN THE FACE!!! STONE MIGHT HAVE A BROKEN JAW!!!! CHANDLER IS A LUNATIC!! SOMEONE ARREST HIM!!!

Eddie Sensation - I think that's what they're trying to do!!! Security is chasing after Chandler!!!

The Informer - Well fans, we'll keep you updated on this situation as we get updated on it...

Don Michaels - Will you two cut it out?? The movie's about to start!!

[No response from either lady. Suddenly a familiar face appears on the huge movie screen. You start to hear people in the theater mumbling in surprised tones of voice. As the people get louder and louder and as Don Michaels looks on in horror, the one and only "KiNg oF gLiTz AnD gLaMoUr" Lorenzo Hayes wearing a custom made Versace suit begins to talk. His eyes, which are covered with silver Oakley sunglasses, seem to be focused straight into the camera. This ladies and gentleman is when the term "Actions are louder than words" comes into place.]

Lorenzo Hayes - Hello there Mr. Don Michaels, are you surprised to see me? What, you didn't think that I'd use your movie ticket that you gave me? I just took it a little further than you thought!

Don Michaels - What the hell?!?!

Lorenzo Hayes - Now this, Don, is really going to help get you some good reviews! Yes, that's right, this movie just got a hell of a lot better now that the TRUE $tallion of Showbiz has made a special appearance! This movie has definitely gotten Oscar written all over it! Ebert, this is unquestionably getting thumbs up now that my beautiful face is on it!

Don Michaels - That son of a BITCH!!

Jeanine Trujillo - Calm down Don, the media.

[Michaels clenches his fists and somehow forces down his anger.]

Lorenzo Hayes - What, Don, you didn't think I'd pay you back for the public humiliation? For the past two weeks I've sat in a hospital bed, watching and thinking about what you did to me at Break Down. I've thought about what I will do to you when I get out. Attacking you was one option, but I thought to myself "That's over-rated". I thought about stealing your woman from you, but why the hell would I do that?? She's nasty!!! Then as I looked to the side of my hospital bed and saw the TC4 movie ticket that you gave me. A huge grin came upon my face. You see Don, I'm a good looking fellow... not only that, but I am a nice fellow and that is why I stole the reel and decided to put in a better and more lively reel!!. Plain and simple, your movie is terrible Don. It might just be me, but I cannot see any enjoyment in watching some old man run around with no top on; you're to old for the movie business Don, and that's why I am here! It's a known fact that I am the newest heartthrob in Hollywood, and it's a known fact that I am the most wanted man in the world!! And that is why I am here. I didn't just come here to get some payback, Don... I came here to make the women melt in their seats drool over my heavenly physique!

Lorenzo Hayes - So, right now, I'm imagining your face. You must be very mad Don! But not as mad as I was after the PPV! Two weeks ago, my life went from paradise to hell, and it's all because of you Don! Not only did you make me look like a grade "A" idiot, but also you humiliated me! You made my fianc�e say words that NEVER in my life I'd think she would say! Don, you made my woman lie, and for that you will pay. And don't think this is all that I am going to do to you Don... Oh no, I've got lots in store for you, your women and Iceberg Slim! Two weeks ago Don, you made the biggest mistake in your life, besides taking up acting... you messed with the up and coming superstar Lorenzo Hayes, and trust me, not only does it make me mad, but it makes all my fans mad! You made my PiCtUrE pErFect face look not so perfect, and that's where my fans come into play. My fans hate you Don, because you took me off of TV for two whole weeks. And that, my friend, is a living hell for the males and females who idolize me! So when your walking down the streets and people throw garbage at you, not only is it because your movie and wrestling talent is terrible... but it's because you took Mr. Ratings off of the tube for TOO GOD DAMN LONG!

[Michaels hops out of his seat, and heads for the entrance.]

Isis Midori - Where are you going Donny baby.

Don Michaels - I'm going to take out the trash, just eat your popcorn Isis, I'll be right back.

[Michaels sprints out of the theater and away from the gaze of his Hollywood contemporaries. Lorenzo's PicTuRe pErfEcT face is still on the big-screen.]

Lorenzo Hayes - Don, the best part of your movie is about to end, but all that you must remember is payback is a bitch and ShowTime is coming your way! Ladies and Gentleman, sadly the highlight of this film, the KiNg oF gLiTz AnD gLaMoUr, must leave now. Look for me soon in some up coming movies. And trust me, my movies will actually have some action in them!

[The screen then fades into a Lorenzo Hayes logo. The scene switches to a shot of Don Michaels rushing up a flight of stairs, at the top is the projection room for his theater. Michaels kicks down the door to the projection room, rushes in and grabs the projectionist. Michaels shakes him up a bit, and then slams him into the wall.]

Don Michaels - Where are my movie reels?!?! And where the hell is Lorenzo Hayes?!?!

[Michaels begins to shake the projectionist violently.]

Don Michaels - ANSWER ME!

[The projectionist points a finger to the area behind Michaels, Michaels turns instinctively only to be smashed in the head with a by a grinning Lorenzo Hayes. Lorenzo opens the movie reel, unravels it, and drops the film onto the chest of the unconscious Michaels.]

Lorenzo Hayes - Don, who's the real $tallion of Showbiz now... Bitch?!

[Lorenzo Hayes walks out of the projection booth laughing.]

Ethan Tyler - First of all Robbie D, it's not my wrestling debut, it's my television debut, I've been wrestling for this company for over a year... Over a year of sitting by and watching guys who couldn't cut shit in that ring come right on in, and leave town the next week. I sat on the bench, ready and eager to step up, to show my dedication I have to this federation... When I went in that ring and bled, I bled EWA colors, I sweated EWA...... And it's all lead up to this, it's all lead up to me getting in that ring tonight and getting MY chance.

Rob DiMarco - and tonight is that chance Ethan. You are wrestling the Extreme Champion The Wildman, however it isn't an Extreme Title match. Don't you think it's unfair?

Ethan Tyler - Unfair to not get a title shot in my fist match? It's a blessing to just be on the card! Look, all I'm doing is looking to go out there, wrestle the best I can, and take the win... I don't care about titles, I don't care about who I wrestle, I just care that I'm finally going to get the chance I wanted, the chance to wrestle on Tuesday Night Heat!

Rob DiMarco - What about your opponent The Wildman? It's going to be a tough debut match for you.

Ethan Tyler - Robbie D, I know what The Wildman's capable of, I saw the jailhouse match, I've watched him, I'm prepared for anything and EVERYTHING he has for me. Now, let the countdown begin, let the show fire up, because in just a few moments, the Underground is going MAINSTREAM!

Rob DiMarco - There goes Ethan Tyler to the ring, back to you guys!

Eddie Sensation - Hahaha!! Yup!! Up next is Ethal Tyler against The Wildman! Extreme Rules, but NOT for the Extreme Title!

The Informer - Exactly! Lets send it to Chris Myers!!

Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is an Extreme Rules Non-Title Match!

["Calm Like A Bomb" by Rage Against The Machine blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'4" and weighing in at 304 pounds, from Indianapolis, Indiana, the EWA Extreme Champion, The Wildman!

[The EWA Extreme Champion, The Wildman steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring.]

The Informer - There's the Extreme Champ!! And he has nothing to worry about!! It's extreme rules, and his title is NOT on the line!!

Eddie Sensation - Exactly! On the other hand, Tyler HATES Extreme Rules, and has to win in order to get into the EWA!

The Informer - Ethan Tyler has the odds stacked against him!! Lets see if he can pull through!!

["Fire up the Shoesaw" by Lionrock blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'3" and weighing in at 246 pounds, from Portland, Oregon, "The Underground Hero" Ethan Tyler!

["The Underground Hero" Ethan Tyler steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring.]

The Informer - There's the bell, here we go! Ethan Tyler charges at the Wildman! Clothesline by Tyler! The Wildman gets up again... Drop Kick by Tyler!! And The Wildman goes tumbling to the outside!!

Eddie Sensation - Wow! Tyler is kicking his ass! But, the tables are about to turn!! The Wildman has a baseball bat in his hand!!

The Informer - But Ethan Tyler doesnt see it!! The Wildman climbs up on the apron, and hides the bat behind his back!! Tyler gets closer.... WHAM!!! THE WILDMAN JUST NAILED TYLER IN THE HEAD WITH THAT BASEBALL BAT!!!!

Eddie Sensation - DAMN!!! Tyler went down hard!!!

The Informer - And now The Wildman is getting a steel chair! The Wildman slides into the ring, and gets to his feet. Ethan Tyler slowly gets up..... WHACK!!!! THE WILDMAN NAILS TYLER IN THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - And now The Wildman is saying it's over!! He's going to end this match!!!

The Informer - The Wildman picks up Ethan Tyler, and sets him up...... OH! The Wildman locks it in.... aaaaaaaand SLAM!!!!! THE AFTERSHOCK!!! The Wildman just buried Tyler into the mat with that move!!!

Eddie Sensation - And The Wildman is going for the pin!!! 1.... 2..... 3!!!!

Chris Myers - And the winner of this match, the EWA Extreme Champion, The Wildman!

The Informer - And Tyler loses in his chance to get into the EWA! All he had to do was beat The Wildman, but those Extreme Rules stipulations killed him!!

Eddie Sensation - Yeah... Tyler had control of the match, but The Wildman whipped out the extreme side of him and defeated Tyler the only way he knows how.... Using weapons!!!

The Informer - Well, we haven't head the last from Ethan Tyler... That's for sure!! He'll be back next week, I guarantee it!!!

Eddie Sensation - Hopefully he'll scratch up Fenichel's car again!! HAHAHA!! That was good!!

Tom Stone - FIND THAT SON OF A BITCH, AND ARREST HIS ASS!!!!! IF HE RUNS, SHOOT HE FUCKER!!!!!! JUST GET HIM!!! I DONT CARE WHAT YOU DO, JUST ARREST THAT F*CKING BASTARD!!!!!

International Cow - THAT'S RIGHT... MOO! WE ARE THE GREATES NON TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS IN THE EWA!

European Cow - Rob, you're wrong! I can remember it clearly, our FIRST EWA Match! The Tag Team Turmoil Match! We ALREADY beat the Iconz of Perfection!

Rob DiMarco - Well, now you're part of the "Fu Man Crew"... does this just add more pressure, or does it make it easier for you guys knowing that you've got others looking out for you?

International Cow - The Fu Man Crew is a stable that is going to make the EWA fun again! It's going to add to the ratings... and add to the excitement of the E-W-MOO!

European Cow - What do you see when you walk backstage Rob?? You see EWA superstars working as hard as they can! You see them working out, you see them kissing Stone's ass, and you see them all focused... almost robot-like! The Fu Man Crew brings excitment back into the wrestling scene!! We're bringing fun and loosness into the backstage air! And this is why Stone doesnt like us... because we're not kissing his ass!! We are the Fu Man Crew, and we do whatever the hell we want to do!

Rob DiMarco - Back to you guys at ringside!

["Cows In Black" by Will Smith blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by Bessy, at a total combined weight of 545 pounds, International Cow and European Cow, the Cows In Black!

[Bessy and the Cows in Black step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring.]

The Informer - And here are one half of the Fu Man Crew... The Cows in Black!! These two are pretty strange if you ask me!!

Eddie Sensation - PRETTY strange?! WHO THE HELL DRESSES UP IN COW SUITS?!?!

The Informer - Hahaha!!! Okay Eddie, okay!!

["Raw" by Staind blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - And their opponent... standing 6'2" and weighing in at 245 pounds, from Albany, New York, WaR CrYmE!

[WaR CrYmE steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring.]

Eddie Sensation - Wait a minute... I thought this was supposed to be a Tag Team Match!!

The Informer - Same here... But I just remembered that Lorenzo Hayes is at Don Michael's movie premeire!! There's no way Lorenzo will make it here on time!!

Eddie Sensation - Oh yeah!! I forgot about that!!

The Informer - Well, there's the bell! We're going to have some handicap action now... Both cows are in the ring, and WaR CrYmE doesn't know what to do!

Eddie Sensation - The Cows are now surrounding WaR CrYmE!! WaR CrYmE is looking over his shoulders constantly!! He's going to get dizzy soon!!

The Informer - And European Cow attacks him from behind!! And now both Cows are kicking and punching at WaR CrYmE!!! WaR CrYmE doesnt stand a chance alone against two others!

Eddie Sensation - The cows are choking WaR CrYmE using the bottom rope!!! Not only are they double teaming him, but they're choking him!! HAHA!!!

The Informer - Now the Cows have WaR CrYmE on his feet! The throw him to the ropes... International Cow grabs him! OOOOH!!!! BEAUTIFUL MOVE!!!! SPINEBUSTER INTO A NECKBREAKER!!!!

Eddie Sensation - Damn! That'll give you a sore neck!!!

The Informer - Yup!! But the Cows aren't going for the cover!! They're going for the kill!! They've got WaR CrYmE on his feet, and they're setting him up for "SKIMMED MILK"!!!

Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!!! These two are crazy!! They have the weirdest names!!

The Informer - International grabs WaR CrYmE... European gets in position..... WHAM!!!!!!! SKIMMED MILK!!!! THEY NAILED HIM!!!!

Eddie Sensation - HAHAHAHA!!!

The Informer - International goes for the cover.... 1...... 2...... 3!!!!

Chris Myers - And the winners of this match, the Cows in Black!

Eddie Sensation - Well, that was obvious!! No matter how much the Cows suck, one guy isn't going to beat two!!!

The Informer - Very true Eddie.... You know, I like it a lot better when it's just me and you, and NO Vic!

Eddie Sensation - I know!! He's so damn annoying!!

The Informer - Hahaha!!

Cody Covington - [Speaking softly] Huh? What happened........

GeniPher - You were in a car accident.....

[Cody sits up and rubs his head....]

Cody Covington - The only thing I can remember is getting ready for my match with Divine.....

GeniPher - Well, you found Tito .... in the women's dressing room. Then you thought it'd be fun to go celebrate with Tito and those half naked woman, so you got into a limo where Divine was in the drivers seat. He put on his seat belt and rammed straight into a wall.... WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!? HOW DO YOU THINK I FELT?!?

Cody Covington - Oh ... shit. I'm sorry honey I musta been caught up in all the excitement......

GeniPher - OH YEAH?! I haven't seen you at all this week, what if you were seriously hurt?!?

Cody Covington - Listen GeniPher, I'm trying to be nice hear ... but GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM IF YOUR GOING TO SCREAM AND YELL YOU STUPID BITCH!!

[Tears begin to form in GeniPher's eyes.... she gets up and walks out of the room and then turns back to Cody....]

GeniPher - Its like your a whole different person now.... I'm sick of this bullshit Cody, I really am.....

Cody Covington - Gen wait.... I didn't mean that!

GeniPher - But you still said it.....

[GeniPher leaves the room as Cody is left there ... alone....]

Cody Covington - I can't believe this.... GeniPher is right.... I am a whole different person now.... DIVINE has changed me for the worst. Yeah I won the match last night, but does that really matter? This thing will never end until someone gets HURT! It doesn't matter who ... it'll just happen ... and I promise you..... neither ME or Divine will NEVER be the same.....

[The camera fades back to the hospital room. Cody Covington's face is almost in front of the camera as he slowly begins to talk...]

Cody Covington - Ya see, I was planned for this the moment this got serious and personal. A while back I had a very short stint in Chris Watkins', American Wrestling Association. During my time there I met some pretty interesting people to say the least. Some people more than others, some I didn't understand but still accepted. Ya see, since the beginning of my time I never really liked to wrestle "hardcore" in a sense. It just didn't excite me like others, what is so fun about going out there seven nights of the week and putting your body and wrestling career on the line. Making that internal countdown of how many wrestling matches you have go faster than others, two times faster. Those men have no sense at all, pointless if you ask me. But times like this call for drastic measures ... really drastic when it makes me go against my wrestling beliefs. This has to happen though, this is the only way that this will end, finally come to an end. And when this is all over, I may be a little sorry ... but it will be worth it if I get my sanity back. Some of you "new school" guys might not know of this man. But he will be always remembered for his "Japanese Death Matches." Ladies and gentleman ... the three lettered LEGEND! Zed, nah. TBL, HA! GVA ... Gavin Van Allen!

[The camera swings over towards the doorway. Gavin Van Allen in standing there in the doorway with a smirk on his face.....]

GVA - Well... Well,... Well,... Cody Covington. Nice to see you again, how's it going?

Cody Covington - Pretty damn good...yourself?

GVA - Couldn't be better.

Cody Covington - All right, then let's get down to business. Me and Divine... Japanese Death Match ... have you thought of anything?

GVA - Have I thought of anything?! Ohh yes Cody...Ohh yes...

Cody Covington - Well, let's hear the stips!

GVA - Well ... here ... read them.

[GVA hands Cody a piece of paper. The camera focuses� in on the piece of paper�]

"A large, covered cell is placed around the ring. On any two sides of the ring, 6 pirranah tanks will be placed on the outside. On the other two sides, 6 scorpion tanks will be placed. Ropes will be replaced with Electrified Barbed Wire and the whole ring will be lined with barbed wire. C-4 explosives will be set-up in the 4 corners of the ring. Chairs, tables, and any other desired weapons will be placed amongst the canvas; along with thumbtacks scattered all about. At the top of the cage will be a pot of glass. If you have the balls, climb up the twenty foot cage and spill them on to the mat below. If you guys are still battling ... after fifteen minutes the cage will EXPLODE! You will be forewarned with a countdown starting at ten."

GVA - [Laughing] I think I've outdone myself this time. But, hey ... you asked for it!

Cody Covington - Uhh, Uhh.. you sure about this?

GVA - Yeah Cody... I'm sure. You guys wanted a Death Match. The Death Match is sacred ... it has an ever-lasting meaning. And, if you are going to participate in a Death Match... ya' might as well make it one that will be remembered forever. I suggest Divine and yourself get some veterans of the Death Match to give you some advice. I would do it ... but...

Cody Covington - But, what? C'Mon can't you j.....

GVA - I have appointed myself the special guest referee. And, the ref must be un-biased at all times ... so there you have it.

Cody Covington - Gavin, what are the chances I'll get out of this match without an injury.

GVA - Cody, my friend ... you're going to get injured. Injury in a Death Match is natural... I just hope you guys don't get killed.

Cody Covington - Killed?!

GVA - [Laughing] I'm just jokin' with ya' Cody. Chill man...

Cody Covington - Yeah, yeah ... well ... it has happened before. Hasn't it?

GVA - Yeah ... but, don't worry about it, just let it flow.

Cody Covington - LET IT FLOW??!! GAVIN, WHAT TH.....

GVA - Cody, Cody ... lower the volume. I'll talk to you later, right now I'm going to give good 'ol Tommy Stone a call and finalize this.

Cody Covington - Ugh, okay ... see ya' later man.

[As Covington steps out of the room, a slight grin lurks across GVA's face as he stares directly in to the camera lens...]

GVA - Covington and Divine want something special? Well, they got it. Those punks in EWA are finally going to get a taste of what �EXTREME� really is. This brings back memories from BJPW in the great land of Osaka, Japan. In my first Deathmatch, taking on Takori Yoshimitsua. That crazy f*cker nearly ended my career. In a Deathmatch you truly find out the meaning of the fighting spirit. I lost that match because I was young and reckless � and it nearly took my life. I have participated in 5 other documented Deathmatches� won them all and have the scars to prove it. I am not too proud of being that 'stupid' about the care of my body but, that is how I found my fighting spirit� Divine, Covington� I pray to the God lord above, that you find yours. Now if you excuse me...

[GVA sits down in a nearby chair, leans back and picks up the phone. He lights up a cigarette, hits it slowly ... then dials... The scene fades away...]

The Informer - OH MY GOD!!!!! DID YOU HEAR THOSE STIPULATIONS?!?!

Eddie Sensation - YEAH!!!!! THOSE ARE CRAZY!!!!!!

[The camera switches to a shot of Divine, who is watching a monitor...]

The Informer - Well, there's a shot of Divine, who just saw what we did!

Eddie Sensation - Yeah... Who knows what he's thinking right now!!

The Informer - LOOK OUT!!!!!!! OH NO!!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - OH MY GOD!!!! CODY COVINGTON JUST SMASHED DIVINE'S FACE INTO THAT MONITOR!!!!!!

The Informer - BUT HOW?!?! WAS THAT INTERVIEW TAPED?!?!!

Eddie Sensation - I GUESS SO!!!

The Informer - MY GOD!!!! DIVINE'S FACE HAS JUST BEEN SMASHED INTO A DAMN TV MONITOR!!!! GET HIM SOME HELP!!!!!!

The Brink - I wouldn't call it a rivalry... more like a pointles--

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - What a wonderful day this has turned out to be. Not only did I have a wonderful morning... [Motions to Michelle] ...I would like to thank you for that babe. But, I get to beat the living snot out of someone who has no respect for myself, and feels as though he is on top of the world, when in fact he is just as low as dirt.

[The crowd boos.]

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Whatever...just let me finish. We all know Brink and we all understand him right?

[The crowd cheers.]

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Then why is it you all cheer for him? He is nothing but a mere cheater and can't even understand talent if it walked up to his face and landed the "Trick or Treat" on him. Brink, time and time again I have always told you that I am better, yet you fail to recognize that fact. Everyone here knows that I am better than you...why can't you figure it out??

[More boos from the crowd.]

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Even your wife knows I am the best. You should have heard her last night!! Wow, she wouldn't shut up!! At first I was afraid she was going to wake the neighbors, but then I realized we were in a warehouse and you know... people couldn't hear you yell for miles in there. [Looks at Michelle] Honestly sweetie, you were great...

[As soon as those words were muttered "DescenT" by Fear Factory is struck on the speakers. The crowd goes wild as The Brink comes from behind the curtains with a look of rage on his face. He tears off his tee shirt as he runs toward the ring. Right before he enters, Tiki grabs Michelle by the hair and signals for Brink to step back. He does so and is handed a microphone by the ring announcer.]

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Whoa... hold up their big guy. Don't come running into the ring with an attitude like that. I wouldn't want to be forced to do anything drastic to this cute little lady up here... [Rubs his fingers through her hair]

The Brink - I swear to god... if you do anything to her at all, your life will be a living hell from now until all of eternity. Every time you go to bed, you will have to wonder where I am hiding, whenever you take a shower, you must wonder when I will attack, and every time you just aren't paying attention, you will have to wonder if I am behind you and ready to KILL YOU.

[Brink gets a huge face pop from the crowd, but hardly a reaction from Tiki.]

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Is that so? Well, I think that you are nothing but a load of bullsh[bleep]. I am not even the least bit scared of you... you see, I am in control of this situation.

The Brink - You are never in control! You may disregard many of the things I have said, but that doesn't mean it is not going to happen. The definition of pain will quickly change in your book and be in the "don't touch" section. And under that definition if will read... Brink.

[Crowd gives an even bigger face pop.]

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Poor...poor...Brink. I feel so sorry for you. You rant and rave about all these threats when you fail to recognize that your wife is in my hands and better yet... I control this damn situation. So you are going to listen to me and like it!

[Brink climbs up to the side of the ring and Tiki immediately tugs on Michelle's hair.]

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Not so fast there Brink. Tonight things are going to be just a little bit different. According to the card, we are having a One-Fall match up. C'mon, how boring is that?? That is why I am making a different sort of match tonight.

[Crowd boos as they can sense what is coming.]

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Tonight's one-fall match will be changed to a... HARDCORE RULES MATCH!

[The crowd cheers.]

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - But...but...I am not done yet. In this match, only I can use the weapons, and only I can not be disqualified, and only I can pin you anywhere. You on the other hand can't do jack sh[bleep]!

[Crowd gives a loud array of boos.]

The Brink - What do you think I am... a moron? I am not going to accept that match under those stipulations, that is just stupid! We are going to fight the old fashioned way.

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [Pulls his head close to Michelle's and gently kisses her on the cheek] I beg to differ!!!

The Brink - FINE, you got your match!

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Hahaha!

[Tiki tosses Michelle to the side and she falls to the floor.]

The Informer - AND HERE COMES THE BRINK!!!! LOOK OUT!!!! TIKI HAS SOME CHAINS IN HIS HAND!!! OH NO!!!!! NO!!!!!! HE'S WHIPPING BRINK WITH THE CHAIN!!!!! AGAIN!!! AND AGAIN!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!! TIKI IS RELENTLESS!!!!!! THE BRINK HAS RED MARKS ALL OVER HIS BACK, AND HE'S YELLING AND SCREAMING IN PAIN!!!!

Eddie Sensation - DAMN!!!! TORTEZ JUST BEAT HIS ASS DOWN!!!!

The Informer - And now Tiki Tortez is going to the outside!! OH NO!!! He's got a table!!

Eddie Sensation - YES!!! I love Extreme wrestling!!

The Informer - Tiki sets up the table inside, and lifts the Brink to his feet! Tiki sets him up......

Eddie Sensation - WHAM!!!!!!! OH MAN!!!!!! THAT TABLE EXPLODED INTO MILLIONS OF PEICES!!!!!!

The Informer - MY GOD!!!!! TIKI JUST NAILED BRINK WITH "TRICK OR TREAT" RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!! AND NOW HE'S GOING FOR THE PIN!!!!

Eddie Sensation - 1....... 2........ 3!!!!!!!!!

Chris Myers - And the winner of this match... "Tricky" Tiki Tortez!!

The Informer - Well, what did you expect?! Tiki had FULL advantage, and sucked The Brink into it!! The Brink had no chance!!!

Eddie Sensation - Wait a minute... Tiki has a mic!! Shhhhh!!!

[Panting as he hovers over the sprawled body of Brink.]

"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - You see Brink, you never stood a chance. Like I said... I would come out on top. And by the looks of it, you don't give a damn about your wife, otherwise you would have tried just a tad bit harder. And one more thing... "Trick or Treat" bitch.

The Informer - OH NO!!! TIKI IS LEAVING HERE WITH BRINK'S WIFE, MICHELLE!!!

Eddie Sensation - Damn!!! If that was my wife, I'd go chase after her!! The Brink doesn't give a damn about her!!! That bastard!!

The Informer - WHAT?!?!?! THE BRINK IS OUT COLD, HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!!!

Eddie Sensation - Hahaha!! Chill man!! I was just joking!!!

The Informer - Well, the Brink isn't going to sleep well this week... I'll tell you that much!!

Tom Stone - DID YOU FIND HIM?!?!

Security Guy - No sir--

Tom Stone - WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! WHY DID YOU COME TO ME IF YOU DONT HAVE CHANDLER?!?! GO FIND HIM......... NNNNNNNNOW!!!!!!!

Security Guy - Mr. Stone!! Mr. Stone!! We've looked EVERYWHERE! He is NOT hiding in the building... it is impossible!! He has to be outside... there's no way he's inside still!!

Tom Stone - WELL THEN GO LOOK OUTSIDE!!!! I SAID FIND THE BASTARD!!!!!

Security Guy - Yes sir!

Tom Stone - WAIT!!!! Forget about that.... I have a better idea!!! Serial Thrylla still has a match tonight....

Security Guy - SO?!

Tom Stone - Chandler WILL be there.... We'll just wait for Chandler to come to us!!

Security Guy - Yes sir! We'll be waiting then!

Rachel Stevens - The last time we saw this individual, he took one of the scariest falls in recent memory. After some time in the hospital, and extensive rehab, he is with us once again. Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome back, the Pegasus Warrior!

["Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me" by U2 begins to play and the Pegasus Warrior emerges from the entranceway. The crowd jumps to its feet as the "Real Man" makes his way to the ring. The crowd begins to chant "Welcome Back" as the Pegasus Warrior walks up to Rachel Stevens, and makes the "cut" symbol to the sound guy...]

Rachel Stevens - Pegasus Warrior, great to have you back! I thi--

[Pegasus Warrior grabs the microphone out of Rachel's hands.]

Pegasus Warrior - Hear the Pegasus and... oh fuck it, kiss my ass if you think I'm down and out for the long run! And while you're at it... answer my fucking call!

[The crowd cheers. Pegasus Warrior looks towards Rachel Stevens]

Pegasus Warrior - Wow, I know Stone promised me a hooker when I returned, but I figured he'd do a little better than this.

[Rachel Stevens grabs the microphone back...]

Rachel Stevens - Dammit, I'm not a hooker! I'm here to interview you!

Pegasus Warrior - That Stone, making the hookers do interviews. He sure as hell must be a cost cutter!

[Rachel Stevens, obviously exasperated, throws her hands up in disgust.]

Pegasus Warrior - Well, you're here to interview me, now get with the questions!

Rachel Stevens - Well, we all saw the horrible fall you took during the Scaffold Match between Serial Thrylla and Reckless at No Fear. What kind of injuries did you sustain?

Pegasus Warrior - Well, I had a few cracked ribs, a separated shoulder, and a bruised kidney.

Rachel Stevens - Are you 100%?

Pegasus Warrior - Well, I don't think any wrestler ever wrestles free of injury, but I'm close, my ribs are still a little sore, and it still burns when I pee, but I don't think that's from the kidney bruise. Now that I look closer, you DO look a little bit more familiar, ya whore.

Rachel Stevens - Uhhh, ok... Now, why did you come out at No Fear to help Reckless?? From what I saw, Reckless very well could have won that match. Many people even go as far as to say that you may have been the cause for the loss!!

Pegasus Warrior - Ah, piss off. Reckless always wanted me out there. Every other match he had with Thrylla, I was there. Why wouldn't that one be any different? And to say that I cause him to lose? Many people say that? I can only think of one, and thats Reckless, nothing's ever his fault... Just ask him!

[Heartbeats are heard over the loudspeakers as the EWA Video Wall flashes on with the following phrase...]

["Last" by Nine Inch Nails plays and "The Hardcore Superstar" Reckless emerges from the entranceway. Reckless surveys the crowd and they begin to boo as he looks at them smugly. He walks to the ring, slingshots over the top rope, and walks right up to Rachel Stevens.]

Vic Canon - Oh boy..

Eddie Sensation - HERE WE GO!!!

Rachel Stevens - Reckless! What is the meaning of this?! This is Pega--

[Reckless shoves Rachel Stevens out of the way, grabbing the microphone as she falls. He then tosses it to Pegasus Warrior, and grabs another out of his back pocket.]

Pegasus Warrior - Wow, fancy seeing you here Reck. I figured you would pull one of your retirement scams until FWF opened, seeing as how you'd get a free ride there.

Reckless - No way man, I wouldn't want to miss your sappy ass comeback interview. Always the hero, always the good guy.

Pegasus Warrior - Well, at least I have the stones to ask Stone for an interview segment, you just like to steal everyone else's time. You did it to Thrylla, and you're doing it to me. You and your fragile fucking ego. I make a comment about you, and lo and behold, you come back.

Reckless - Fragile egos?? Who here is the one who refuses to acknowledge the match we had in ACF? You know, the match I WON!

Pegasus Warrior - Uhhh, what match? The only matches you had a handle on in ACF are the ones you lit in the shitter after you took a crap, shithead.

Reckless - Ahhhhh, I can't stand it anymore. Hey Peggy, you still doing that "Answer my Call bullshit"?

Pegasus Warrior - Yeah, sure, I guess, why?

Reckless - Answer this!

The Informer - OH MAN!!! RECKLESS JUST SMACKED THE TASTE OUT OF PEGASUS WARRIOR'S MOUTH!! AND NOW PEGASUS WARRIOR AND RECKLESS ARE EXCHANGING PUNCHES!!!

Vic Canon - Reckless begins to shove Pegasus Warrior onto the ropes and......

Eddie Sensation - OUCH!

The Informer - Reckless just kneed Pegasus Warrior in the groin!!! Now, Reckless flips over the ropes.... MY GOD! IT'S THE TARANTULA!! RECKELSS JUST LOCKED ON THE TURANTULA ONTO PEGASUS WARRIOR!!!!!!

Vic Canon - RECKLESS IS WORKING ON THOSE SORE RIBS OF THE PEGASUS WARRIOR!! LOOK AT PEGGY!!!! HE'S IN A WORLD OF PAIN!!!

Eddie Sensation - He deserved it! He accused Reckless of being a self-absorbed egomaniac!

Vic Canon - Well... HE IS!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - SO?!?!

The Informer - FINALLY, here comes security to separate the two!!

Vic Canon - It's about time! They should have been out here when Reckless came out!

Eddie Sensation - Yeah, this was almost predictable!

The Informer - Well fans, we've got to take our LAST commercial break! Don't go away!

Chris Jericho - LEGEND??? Sorry If you looked at the constituion this guy should have retired with Ric Flair. He should be the one that is nervous... He's stepping into the ring with the leader of the Fu Man Crew!!!

Rob DiMarco - What about Chandler? We saw him snap earlier tonight!! Are you concerned that he'll be a factor in this match?? Or will the Fu Man Crew be there to take care of him??

Chris Jericho - The Fu Man Crew is not a stable to interfere with matches, but merely entertain the fans. Something the other wrestlers in the EWA know nothing about. The Fu Man Crew take care of each other like a brotherhood. NO, I DIDN'T SAY THAT WE WERE BLACK! Rachel are you racist??? Where does Tim find you plebians? Anyways... Chandler is, as my fellow cows would say, A GRADE "A" MORON! Chandler, you think your tough?? Tough is having to beat up your brother for the winter jacket so you don't freeze, boy!! Ummm, sorry... I was having a Faarooq/Nation of Domination moment... What I MEANT to say, is that... THE EWA WILL NEVER E-E-EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN... AND THE FU MAN CREW WILL MSKE SURE OF THAT!

Rob DiMarco - Over to you Rachel!

Serial Thrylla - Ya know.. it's a real funny thing about legends. They're either dead, or retired. I'm niether, so I guess I'm not a legend, huh? But Chris, I'll tell you what I really am... I'm simply the deadliest man in the EWA... maybe even walking god's green earth. Christopher, you can talk all the trash you want. Ya know why? Because I've talked better. You can pull all the funny little segments you want. Ya know why? Because I've pulled better. And most importantly, you can put together all the little gangs you want. Go ahead Rachel.. ask why?

Rachel Stevens - Why Thrylla?

Serial Thrylla - Because I've put together better. Christopher, it's about time for THE MOST undeserving ex-champion on the planet to step out of the bush leagues and step up to major leagues. No more Cody Covington, Hustler, or Fallen Angel for you... Those days are LONG GONE. You've pissed off the two most dangerous individuals on the EWA payroll. Don't bother praying to your god Chris, because you're looking at him right now, and I took the phone off the hook.

Rachel Stevens - What are your thoughts of the "Fu Man Crew"??

Serial Thrylla - How fitting... On America's birthday we see the birth of new group; 4 mindless idiots, coming together for a common goal! ... What's so unique about that?? There are over 250 million of mindless idiots in America. I smell a ratings spike here Tom. Jesus Christ, if you wanted to bring a crew back that bad, bring someone in we actually want to see. We go from Rev-X, Hy2K, and 3D to the Fu Man Crew!? I'd rather pay money and go see the "Blue Man Crew". Unless they got great health insurance, I recommend they stay out of my way.... Jericho time to see whether you "got it" or you don't.

Rachel Stevens - Back to you guys.....

Eddie Sensation - And Chandler deserves it!! Earlier tonight, he applied the -HIROSHIMA- on Miss America 200, Heather French, and then did the same to Vic Canon!! He hospitalized BOTH of them!!!

The Informer - Yeah, Chandler's a nut....

Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall!

["Walls Of Jericho" blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 5'11" and weighing in at 230 pounds, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, "The Franchise" Chris Jericho!

["The Franchise" Chris Jericho steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring.]

The Informer - Wow... that's strange... No Divine, No Cows, NO MANDI!!! Jericho is out here ALONE!!!

Eddie Sensation - Hmm... Something's up with that!!!

The Informer - That's what I'm thinking!!

["Serial Thrilla" by Prodigy blasts through the speakers...]

Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 6'2" and weighing in at 237 pounds, from Syracuse, New York, Serial Thrylla!

[Serial Thrylla steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring.]

The Informer - And here comes Serial Thrylla!

[Eerie music begins to play, when suddenly the following logo appears on the EWA Big Screen...]

Eddie Sensation - Oh great!! AGAIN?!?!

The Informer - There's that picture again!!

[The lights come back on.]

Eddie Sensation - Look at Serial Thrylla!! His eyes are fixed on the EWA Big Screen!! He's thinking of who this "TRUE AMERICAN HERO" could be!!!

The Informer - LOOK OUT!!!!! OOOOOH!!!!!!! CHRIS JERICHO JUST NAILED SERIAL THYRLLA WITH A MISSLE DROPKICK OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - AND THRYLLA HAD HIS BACK TURNED!!!!! THAT'S LIKE DOUBLING THE IMPACT!!!!!

The Informer - SERIAL THRYLLA IS OUT COLD ON THE OUTSIDE, AND CHRIS JERICHO IS IN THE RING!!!

Eddie Sensation - The referee is counting him out!!! Thrylla better hurry up and get his ass in the ring!!

The Informer - The ref is at 4..... 5...... Wait a minute! There's Divine!! He's lifting Thrylla to his feet!!

Eddie Sensation - What's he going to do?!

The Informer - And Divine throws Thrylla into the ring!! Looks like Divine is here to make sure Jericho has a clean match with a proper ending!! Not some cheap count out or disqualification!!

Eddie Sensation - Jericho has Thrylla on his feet, and he throws him to the ropes!! Thrylla bounces back, and leap-frog's over Jericho!! Thrylla bounces off the ropes again, and attempts a drop kick!!!

The Informer - NO!!! NO!!!! JERICHO GRABBED HIS LEGS!!! CHRIS JERICHO HAS THE WALLS OF JERICHO SET UP!!! THIS COULD BE THE END OF SERIAL THRYLLA!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - NO!!! Thrylla kicks Jericho in the chest before he can turn him over, and execute the move!! Thrylla gets to his feet, and throws Jericho to the ropes!

The Informer - Jericho bounces back, and gets NAILED by a Spinebuster from Serial Thrylla!!! Thrylla has silenced this crowd, and now he's standing over the body of Chris Jericho with his arms in the air!!

Eddie Sensation - Listen to these fans boo Serial Thrylla!! Uh oh!!! Look at Thrylla!! He's calling for his big move, the DFA!!!

The Informer - Thrylla picks up Jericho, and throws him to the corner! Thrylla runs in..... BIG SPLASH!!!!

Eddie Sensation - Wait a minute!! Divine is on the apron!! He reaches over, and grabs the back of Thrylla's head....... EEEEEEW!!!!!!!

The Informer - OH NO!!! DIVINE JUST KISSED SERIAL THRYLLA, AND NOW THRLLA IS IN SHOCK!!! JERICHO IS IN POSITION.... HE ROLLS UP THRYLLA!!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - THE REF COUNTS.... 1....... 2.......... 3!!!!!!! YES!!!! CHRIS JERICHO HAS JUST DEFEATED SERIAL THRYLLA THANKS TO DIVINE!!!!

Chris Myers - And the winner of this match, "The Franchise" Chris Jericho!!

The Informer - LOOK AT THRYLLA!!!!! HE'S IN SHOCK!!!!!! HE'S SPITTING AND WIPING HIS TONGUE!!!

Eddie Sensation - HEY, LOOK!!!! HERE COMES CHANDLER!!!!!! CHANDLER IS WALKING DOWN THE ENTRANCE RAMP!!!!

The Informer - AND LOOK!!!! THERE'S TOM STONE RIGHT BEHIND HIM!!!! TOM STONE IS GETTING IN CHANDLER'S FACE!!!!! THERE'S A STARE DOWN!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - OOOH!!!! AND CHANDLER SLUGS TOM STONE AGAIN!!!!!! STONE GOES DOWN!!!!!! HERE COMES SECURITY!!!!!!!!

The Informer - BUT CHANDLER DOESN'T SEE THEM COMING!!!!!!! YES!!! YES!!!!! THEY GOT HIM!!!!!! THEY GOT HIM!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - CHANDLER HAS BEEN ARRESTED!!!!!!! CHANDLER IS UNDER ARREST!!!!!!!

The Informer - STONE HAS BEEN KNOCKED OUT AGAIN!!!! BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER, BECAUSE CHANDLER IS UNDER ARREST!!!!! STONE CAN CHARGE HIM WITH ASSAULT IF HE WANTS TO!!! THIS COULD RUIN CHANDLER'S LIFE!!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - ALL BECAUSE CHANDLER SNAPPED, JUST BECAUSE HE LOST A MATCH!!!!! CHANDLER IS CRAZY!!!!! BUT NOW HE'S UNDER ARREST!!!!!

The Informer - AND LOOK AT SERIAL THRYLLA!!!!! HE'S STILL IN SHOCK!!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - WAIT A MINUTE.... JERICO HAS A MIC!!!!

Chris Jericho - I AM THE GREATEST!!!

The Informer - LISTEN TO THIS CROWD EXPLODE!!!!!

Chris Jericho - DIVINE AND I KICKED YOUR FOSSIL ASSES IN A TAG TEAM MATCH, AND NOW WE'VE BEATEN YOU IN SINGLES MATCHES! The Fu Man Crew is unstoppable! In fact, I THINK I COULD BEAT YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW CHANDLER!!!! But, you're obviously uncapable of wrestling right now, since you decided to throw a hissy fit and get your ass arrested!!

Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!!! A HISSY FIT!!!!!

Chris Jericho - CHANDLER, FORGET ABOUT THE STUPID PPV!!!!! NEXT WEEK... IN TORONTO, PUT THAT TITLE ON THE LINE AGAINST ME, CHRIS JERICHO!!!!!

The Informer - A TITLE MATCH NEXT WEEK?!?! WOW!!!!! THIS IS HUGE!!!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - AND THE CROWD IS LOVING IT!!!!!!!!

Chris Jericho - Unless, of course, you're scared your going to get beat!!! Because unlike the girl and Vic....... I FIGHT BACK!

The Informer - LOOK AT CHANDLER!!!!! HE'S OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!! HE'S BLOWN HIS LID!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - AND CHANDLER IS NODDING!!!!!!!! HE ACCEPTS THE CHALLENGE!!!!!! NEXT WEEK ON HEAT, CHANDLER vs. JERICHO FOR THE WORLD TITLE!!!!!!!!

The Informer - OH MY GOD!!!!!!! FANS, WHAT A SHOW IT HAS BEEN!!!!!! THE FU MAN CREW ARE HERE, AND KICKING ASS... AND TEAM BALLZ IS HAVING ONE OF IT'S WORST TIMES EVER!!!!!!! FOR EDDIE SENSATION, I'M THE INFORMER... SAYING SO LONG FOLKS!!!!!!!

Eddie Sensation - CHANDLER VS. JERICHO!!!!!!! NEXT WEEK!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!