EWA Friday Fever Results For July 16th, 1999, Hosted By Tom Stone & The EWA Informer.
Quick Links
Match #1: Gauntlet Match
Curv vs. The EWA Jobbers.
32:20 Into The Match...
Quick Links
32:20 Into The Match...
The Informer - Technically yes, but all I see is a ring full of jobbers! So far Curv's taken down both of the Rock N Roll Express, and the Headhunters! But, he's got Blackman and Jerry Lynn beating the holy hell out of him!
Tom Stone - Curv with a back body drop on Blackman! Lynn with a lariate on Curv! Curv gets up... he nails Blackman with NO REMORSE!!! Hmmm, I better show him the right way to sucess in the EWA, or else he might get tangled up in some New School shit...
The Informer - HA! You wish.... Mike Hunter counts, 1.... 2..... 3!!! Blackman is out!!! It's just Lynn and Curv now... Jerry Lynn quickly kicks him in the back of the head. Lynn gets all excited, and does a cartwheel!! Wait a minute... his feet are tangled up in the ropes!! Hahah!! What a dumbass!!
Tom Stone - Damn right... Just imagine, the New School only has THESE Jobbers to bring up, when the Old Skool has the entire E-Fed world!!!
The Informer - HHAHHAHH NO. You're pretty dumb Stone...
Tom Stone - I was dumb the night I hired you!!!
The Informer - Yeah, I was dumb that night for taking this job beside you. Curv is planting his boots into the chest of Jerry Lynn! Lynn untangles himself, but Curv quickly nails him with an inverted atomic drop!! Curv picks up Lynn, and puts him on the top rope... Curv gets up to the top rope, Oh no... Don't tell me.... He's going for "No Remorse" off the top!!! YES!!! He nails it!! What power this man has!! Mike Hunter counts, 1.... 2..... 3!!!!
[Curv won the match in 35 minutes and 48 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Curv!!
0:02 Into The Match...
Tom Stone - That's right, and right now we've got a little bidness to take care of, before the match...
[Tom Stone walks over to a bum, and slips him a $50... The bum gets up with a smile, and is handed a black and white shirt, from an EWA Staff member... Stone then comes back, and sits down on the make shift announcer's table]
Tom Stone - Ok, now that I've got the referee business done with, we can get this show on the road!
The Informer - Streets Tom, Streets... This IS btw, an Extreme Street Match.
Tom Stone - Yeah yeah... Back to the match...
The Informer - Shawn Walker handing it to Blackman! Shawn with a piledriver, right onto and through a cardboard box!
Tom Stone - That was Divine's house!!
The Informer - I'm sure he's got plenty of money... I can guarantee that wasn't his house...
Tom Stone - Whateva man... Shawn with an arm bar takedown!! Good move, don't ya think Informer!?
The Informer - ......
Tom Stone - Informer?!?
[Tom looks over, to see The Informer, hands raised, being mugged]
Tom Stone - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Now THAT, is entertainment!!
The Informer - *gasping, and very pale* Damnit! Some help you are man! That little bitch robbed me of a whole months paycheck!
Tom Stone - Damn! Tell that fucker to bring that $5 back to me! That came out of MY wallet ya know!!!
The Informer - Yeah.. A whole $5... *under his breathe* cheap bastard...
Tom Stone - Shawn with a belly-to-belly suplex! Onto another cardboard box!!
The Informer - This is worse than Godzilla!
Tom Stone - ... Yeah....Uh... :::cough::: shitty joke :::cough:::
The Informer - So far we've got two houses ruined, and I've been mugged!
Tom Stone - Big deal... Shawn nails Blackman with a STD!!
The Informer - A what!?!?!
Tom Stone - You know, an STD... You hang out here in the ghetto long enough, and you're bound to get em sooner or later...
The Informer - Yeah... Shawn sets Blackman up... And powerbombs him through another house!! Err... Cardboard box!!
The Informer - Shawn Walker picks up Blackman.... and nails Blackman with The Drop Zone!!!!!
Tom Stone - SHOWS OVA!!!
The Informer - Walker with the pin.... 1..... 2..... 3!!!!
["Too Extreme" Shawn Walker won the match in 6 minutes and 58 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, "Too Extreme" Shawn Walker!!
0:00 Into The Match...
Tom Stone - I did.
Johnny Bones - The next match is scheduled for one fall with a 5 minute time limit... On his way to the ring, standing 6 foot 2, weighing in at 243 pounds, BlackOut!!!
[Tom Stone gets up and steals the mic from Johnny Bones.]
Tom Stone - So, BlackOut... You like having matches with people who aren't even in the EWA so you can get an easy win?? Well, today you get your win, but this will be the last time!! I'm still waiting for the agreement of Big Poppa Pump, but do you accept to that match??
[BlackOut leaves the ring, and starts walking back to the locker room area.]
Tom Stone - ANSWER ME YOU SPINELESS PEICE OF SHIT!!!!
[BlackOut conitunes to walk.]
Tom Stone - Ok... Fine. You wanna play games??? Well at the Pay Per View, Beyond The Line '99, I'll have something for you. You want it the hard way, I'll give it to you the hard way!!!
The Informer - Oh no... Stone has gone insane... What could he be possibly be planning??
[BlackOut won the match in 0 minutes and 0 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, BlackOut!!
0:00 Into The Match...
The Informer - Oh no, time for a "Soda" match...
Tom Stone - You dickhead, he's injured!! He can't wrestle!!!
[Tom Stone drops his headset and grabs mic...]
Tom Stone - Hasn't this happened before?? You've tried to fight someone who is unable to wrestle?? Well, for you information, PoP is not able to wrestle tonight. Now, either I find you a replacement, or you don't have a match tonight!!
The Informer - I can sence something bad...
Crazy Wild Man - W... Wh.... Who.... Who's the replacement??
Tom Stone - ME!!!
Crazy Wild Man - No that's allright, I think I'll leave.......
Tom Stone - Hahahhaha, You're damn right you will!!
[No Contest in 0 minutes and 0 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Ladies and Gentlemen, this match has been ruled a No Contest!!
0:37 Into The Match...
Tom Stone - WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS??!?!
The Informer - I don't know, and don't give a fuck!!
Tom Stone - Good.... cause.... neither... do I.
The Informer - Sure sure.... AHhhahaha!! STONE IS AFRAID OF BLACKOUT!!! STONE IS AFRAID OF BLACKOUT!!! Hahahha, anyways, back to the match.... K-Dogg and Thurston H. Chatam III are beating the living shit out of Brightblade... for the moment at least. Brightblade with a quick spinning heel kick on THC3, and he spears K-Dogg!! Brightblade climbs to the top, Double Crossbody!! He goes for the double pin, 1..... No! Both men over power him and kickout!! K-Dogg kicks him in the stomach, and THC3 lifts him with a Gut Wrench Powerbomb!! K-Dogg bounces off the ropes, Elbow Drop!! Thurston H. Chatam III jumps from the top... No!! Brightblade rolls out of the way from that attempted leg drop from the top!! Brightblade quickly grabs K-Dogg by the leg and takes out his other leg!! He applies a reverse Boston Crab!! K-Dogg is going nuts!! He's dying in pain!! Thurston H. Chatam III looks at Brightblade, and then he looks at K-Dogg. What the hell!?!? Thurston H. Chatam III sits in the corner and watches!! Brightblade releases the hold, and charges at THC3 knee first!!! K-Dogg rolls out of the ring, and helps up Thurston H. Chatam III. K-Dogg and THC3 shake hands, then K-Dogg kicks him in the gut.... POWERBOMB!! OH NO!! K-DOGG HAS TURNED ON THC3!!!! Brightblade pulls K-Dogg into the ring by his neck.... he sets him up, WHAM!!!! TO THE HILT!! THIS MATCH IS OVER!!! Mike Hunter counts, 1..... 2...... 3!!!
[Brightblade won the match in 8 minutes and 43 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Brightblade!!
33:56 Into The Match...
Tom Stone - Well, I'm pretty surprised at this match, I thought this would be my sleeping match!!
The Informer - Lets take you back to the begining of the match, where The Wildman was attacked by Justin Credible....
[A split screen shows Justin Credible sneak up behind The Wildman when he is entering the ring... Justin Credible nails The Wildman in the back of the head with a baseball bat, and The Wildman stumbles to the ground!!!]
The Informer - That may have been the reason why The Wildman has been taking a beating.... Well lookey over here!!! Here come's Adam's brother, Brian!!! He's carrying Adam's "lucky" black steel chair!!!! Brian unfolds the chair, and takes a seat while Adam NAILS Wildman with a Piledriver!! Adam goes for the cover, but only gets the 2!! Adam picks up The Wildman by his hair, he throughs him to the ropes... WHACK!!! OH GOD!!! BRIAN KRESS JUST NAILED THE WILDMAN IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THAT STEEL CHAIR!!!! Adam holds The Wildman in place.... WHAM!!!! Brian smashes the chair over Wildmans head!!! Wildman is busted open!!! Adam and Brian are enjoying this!! Those sick bastards!!! They pick him up again..... Brian is going to swing at him again!! NO!!! HERE COMES BLACKOUT!!!
Tom Stone - Oh god....
The Informer - He has a barbwire baseball bat!! Hahah, now it's even!! Wait, Da BJ Boyz are leaving the ring.... WUSSES!!!
[BlackOut checks on The Wildman as Da B.J. Boyz laugh and walk up the ailse high fiving each other.]
[The Wildman won the match in 37 minutes and 24 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner by Disqualification, The Wildman!!
16:42 Into The Match...
Tom Stone - Big Deal. Stupid new skooler, look the guy is to big.
The Informer - Zed doesn�t give up... he�s going to the top again! Another Shoulder Tackle... The big man is still up!! Tongan is just standing there. Zed to the top again... Shoulder Tackle.... NO!! Tongan is still not falling. Zed is sick of this he goes against the ropes.... chop block. Tongan is on one knee, Zed to the top one more time... Missle Drop Kick!! Tongan is down!!!
Tom Stone - Yeah, but look how long it took him to do it! One of my old skoolers coulda done it with the snap of my fingers!
The Informer - Not this guy... Tongan is a machine. Zed with a leg grapevine on the Tongan! Tongan powers out of it!! Zed and Tongan are standing face to face. Tonga~ with a head butt on Zed, that took Zed off his feet!
Tom Stone - Cause he is New Skool that is the whole f�n point here damnit!!
The Informer - Zed back to his feet, LOW BLOW!!! Oh man, that was cheap, but what else can you do to the big guy? Tongan is on the ground holding his crotch!! Zed with boots to the face, Zed is whaling away at The Tongan!!
Tom Stone - The only reason is because he hit him in the jimmy. These new skoolers are full of cheap shots, I guess cause that�s the only way they can win! Old Skoolers actually wrestle!
The Informer - That�s the shit Tom... now back to the match. Tongan is up but somewhat dazed... Zed�s going for a vertical suplex?! I don�t think that he is going to get the big man up. NO!! Tongan with a reversal, but Zed with another one and slips behind The Tongan... Rabbit punches to the back.... ANOTHER LOW BLOW!!!!
Tom Stone - Figures....
The Informer - Zed with a reverse DDT!!! Tongan is down and looks to be hurting!! What�s this? Santoro is on the ring apron, he�s getting the ref attention, Zed with the cattle prod!!
Tom Stone - Is that the only way this guy can win?
The Informer - Shut up! He is a great wrestler! Zed�s sneaking up on Tongan... CATTLE PROD TO THE CROTCH!!! OH MY GOD!! I don�t think Tongan is getting up after this one folks.
Tom Stone - I�m thinking about banning that stupid thing.
The Informer - Go ahead... he�ll still win... Zed with the pin..... ONE...... TWO...... THREE!!!!! ZED WINS!!!
[Zed won the match in 28 minutes and 47 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, and STILL EWA International Champion, Zed!!
20:19 Into The Match...
Tom Stone - .... It�s ok, and when I say ok... I mean dull...
The Informer - Thorn with a kick to the gut.... front face DDT!! DMX is down, Thorn to the top, moonsault.... MISS!! DMX MOVED!!
Tom Stone - meaningless...
The Informer - 0DMX is up... german suplex on Thorn, DMX with a camel clutch!! Thorn is edging towards the ropes......... He got em. DMX let�s go.
Tom Stone - stupid...
The Informer - Thorn�s up... Spinning Heel kick on DMX.... DMX didn�t fall!! Thorn with a standing side kick!! DMX is still up!! DMX isn�t going to fall for anybody... Thorn with a huracanrana.... NO DMX REVERSED!!! POWERBOMB!!!
Tom Stone - worthless....
The Informer - Thorn�s body looks limp, DMX is taking him up the ladder, why is he taking him up the ladder? JOURNEY�S END!!!!! DMX JUST DID THE JOURNEY�S END ON THORN!!! I DON�T BELIEVE IT!!!
Tom Stone - not worth the time....
The Informer - Thorn and DMX are lying there, Thorn looks busted open and DMX is trying to catch his breath. DMX is staggering to his feet and Thorn is also trying to get to his feet.
Tom Stone - crap on a stick...
The Informer - WHATS THIS?!?!?! IT�S ZED!!! IT�S ZED!! He�s climbing the cage, and he has his cattle prod!!!
Tom Stone - lame....
The Informer - WHAT NOW!?!!?!? IT�S NOMAD!!! NOMAD IS CHASING AFTER ZED!!! Zed�s over the top and in the ring and NoMaD is climbing up the top too!!! All four men are in the ring!!! There is a brawl going on in there!! Zed and NoMaD.... DMX and Thorn's fists are flying everywhere!! This is a bar room brawl!!!
Tom Stone - boring...
The Informer - *ZAP* Zed just zapped NoMaD with the cattle prod.... Now he�s going after DMX.... he moves!!! Kick to the gut of Zed... DMX grabs the cattle prod!!! *ZAP* Zed just got a taste of his own medicine... Thorn comes up behind DMX... BULLDOG!!! Thorn goes up the ladder LEG DROP!!! DMX is out cold.... Thorn grabs the Cattle prod... *ZAP* DMX just got the worse of the cattle prod, now Zed did... he drops the cattle prod... sets up the ladder... HE GETS THE BELT!!! THORN WINS!! THORN WINS!!! Thorn and NoMaD are up.... Zed and DMX are struggling.... this people are going at it again!!! Will this ever stop?!?!?!
Tom Stone - UN-stimulating
[Thorn won the match in 28 minutes and 54 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, and STILL EWA Extreme Champion, Thorn!!
