Tom Stone - That was sweet!!

The Informer - He'll never have kids thanks to Mr. X.

Tom Stone - GOOD, because I would hate to be the one to tell them that their father SUCKS ASS.

The Informer - You're cruel. Mr. X goes to the top again, Lynn is up... Clothesline off the top!! He goes for the cover, 1.... 2.... Kickout!! That was a close one! Mr. X picks up Jerry Lynn, Lynn swings for a clothesline, Mr. X hooks his arm..... X BOTTOM!!!!! Mike Hunter counts, 1..... 2..... 3!!! Mr. X has picked up another win, over another jobber!!

[Mr. X won the match in 8 minutes and 58 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Mr. X!!

Tom Stone - I don't know... They come to me... I'll be right back........

The Informer - Oh no.

[Tom Stone walks into the ring, and both men stop and look at him. He kick's Big Poppa Pump in the gut and PLANTS him with The Tom Stone Piledriver!! Headhunter 1 is all happy... Stone makes him go down on his stomach, and order's him to lick his shoes....]

The Informer - Stone makes me sick!! HE should be fired!!

Tom Stone - [Grabs a mic] Hahahhaha!! Hey Little Pop-A-Shroom, what makes you think that you can come into the EWA and waste my time?!? Maybe you did this in some other federation, but that shit doesn't go on here. You've been lucky over the last 3 days... But today you luck comes to an end!!! "Big Poppa Pump".... YOUR FIRED!!!!!!!!!

[No Contest in 8 minutes and 45 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Ladies and Gentlemen, this match has been ruled a No Contest!!

Tom Stone - These young punks dont know anything!!

The Informer - Oh please. Who the hell was PoP before he entered the EWA for the SECOND time???

Tom Stone - How the hell should I know?!?

The Informer - YOUR THE DAMN OWNER OF THIS COMPANY!!!! If someone with brains would run this company, the EWA would be A LOT better than it is right now!!

Tom Stone - How much better can you get??

The Informer - Well, you got me there... I don't think there's much more you can do.... PoP smashes Steve Blackman's face into the tournbuckle!! He climbs up top.... OH!!! Pure Perfection!!!! Stick in a knife in him, he's done!!!

Tom Stone - A plastic knife would do just fine...

The Informer - Probably would... Mike Hunter counts, 1.... 2..... 3!!!

[PoP won the match in 5 minutes and 41 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, PoP!!

Tom Stone - Good question...

The Informer - All 3 men are in the ring, BlackOut jumps... Drop Kick on Headhunter 1!! He jumps, Drop Kick on Headhunter 2!! They both get up, Double Clothesline!!! BlackOut throws them both to the ropes, The Headhunters hold on to the ropes... They think they're smart!! Turn around retards!! They turn around... BlackOut swings for a Double Clothesline, and connects!!! But The Headhunters don't fall!! Headhunter 1 jumps at BlackOut and BlackOut goes flying to the other side of the ring!!! Headhunter 2 runs in for a BIG SPLASH but BlackOut moves at the last second!! Headhunter 1 swings at BlackOut, but he ducks!! BlackOut throw's Headhunter 1 into Headhunter 2!! They both stumble around... BlackOut clotheslines Headhunter 2 over the top... He walks over to Headhunter 1 and tries to body slam him!! But Headhunter 1 is too big for BlackOut!!!

Tom Stone - What a weak bastard!!!

The Informer - BlackOut suddenly falls and quickly locks on an inside cradle!!! Mike Hunter counts, 1... 2.... 3!!! BlackOut wins!!! BlackOut wins!!!

[BlackOut won the match in 23 minutes and 3 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, BlackOut!!

The Informer - Uhhhh, okay.

[Tom Stone heads to the location of the Skywalker Death Match, and after Mr. Extreme and Thorn come into the ring, he begins to speak......]

Tom Stone - Thorn, you've been in these kind of matches and they are nothing short of extreme, so seeing that you are the Extreme Champion, I would allow you to participate in these matches... BUT; Mr. Extreme... I'd NEVER waste a Skywalker Death Match on YOU... but sticking with the Star Wars Theme... I've got and idea, JEDI... A Light Saber Death Match... It may sound corney, but hey, it's the ONLY thing you deserve!! This is a CLASSIC EWA match and I'd never waste one of them!!! Let the Match begin!!

The Informer - Hahahahah!! Stone is a cocky motherf*cker!!!

Tom Stone - Alright, you now have the plesure of sitting with the most powerful man in e-wrestling...

The Informer - MUST you say that EVERY TIME you sit beside someone??!

Tom Stone - A-Yup!

The Informer - Ok, just checking... So ladies and gentlemen, the Skywalker Death Match has been changed to a Light Sabre Death Match... Stone, how does this thing work??

Tom Stone - Both lose--I mean wrestlers are in the ring and are both provided with Light Sabre's... They try to knock their opponent out of the ring by using their Light Sabre's only... ONLY I APPOINT THESE MATCHES!!!

The Informer - Ok, that's a pretty fruity match man.

Tom Stone - Only used for fruity wrestlers!

The Informer - Yeah... Thorn charges at Mr. Extreme, he drops the Light Sabre and spears him!! Thorn grabs his light sabre and attempts to take off Mr. Extreme's head with it... Luckily for the clean up crew, Mr. Extreme rolls out of the way!! Mr. Extreme picks up his light sabre, and both men swing... What the hell?!? Mr. Extreme's Light Sabre broke!! It's not working!!

Tom Stone - AHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!! NEVER MESS WITH THE BOSS!!!!

The Informer - You... You.... You SMART asshole!! Thorn charges at Mr. Extreme... He knees him in the nuts!! Mr. Extreme is leaning on the ropes... Thorn steps back, and attempts to shove the light sabre up Mr. Extreme's behind!!! Mr. Extreme jumps, and goes flying over the ropes!!! Thorn Wins!!!

Tom Stone - Hahah, I'd like to see the next time Mr. Extreme trys to sign one of these matches!!!

[Thorn won the match in 3 minutes and 27 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, The EWA Extreme Champion, Thorn!!

Tom Stone - Who gives a fuck about that poor ass city!

The Informer - DMX sure does after that power bomb through the hood of that car... Mikey is not moving at all... This match has been all DMX. He must be getting all that frustraion out after being pent up in his hospital.

Tom Stone - Man that guy is a pussy...

The Informer - Then why is he whooping the ass of your Hired Body Guard, Mike Extreme??

Tom Stone - Fuck You, and there goes another months pay!

The Informer - Holy shit! Did you see that DDT off that car in to that dumpster... DMX is controling this match... Holy Shit that is the Homicide powerBomb in to the dumpster again... DMX goes in after him... there goes a shoe... a baseball bat... A Death Row Record? Wow... DMX tosses Mikey out of the garbage... Mikey is lying lifelessly on the ground. DMX picks him up one more time... DMX has created some new moves in his off season. There is the foot stomp... the eye gouge... DMX picks him up... Belly to Belly suplex in to the building! Mikey is cut open badly.

Tom Stone - It looks like there was a gang fight here earlier...

The Informer - Back body drop in to some boxes... Wait a minute... DMX has ran out of the camera man's view, Where is he going?

Tom Stone - He is going to whack off!

The Informer - No he isnt with The Regulators anymore... But that look whats is coming it looks like a white 89 topaz and DMX is driving... Yes he is and he screeches to a halt and pops his trunk open and then gets out and goes to the trunk... Shit... Baseball bat to the head of Mikey! How is mike standing?

Tom Stone - Becasue he is a man...

The Informer - *whispers to his mic* Yeah the man that was in your pants last night... God Damn.... DMX is going for his signature move... He is getting on the top of the white car, he signals for the 187 but... No! He nails the Shooting Star Press... Some jobber referee from Boston (who was hired for 1 match only) counts....

Tom Stone - 1... 4.... 3!!! The retard can't count!! That shouldn't be a legal pinfall!!!

[DMX won the match in 21 minutes and 39 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, DMX!!

Tom Stone - BRRRRRRRRIIIINNNNNNNKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

The Informer - Yeah man, it's Brink...

Tom Stone - You damn right it is!! OLD SKOOL 4 LIFE!!!!!

The Informer - Yeah... Sure... *cough* sellout *cough*

Tom Stone - Huh?!?

The Informer - Back To The Match... Brink with a huge pump handle slam!! Bret Hart appears to be out cold!! Brink is relentless!! The Brink picks up Hart by his hair, and nails him with another pump handle slam!!

Tom Stone - That's my Brink for ya!!

The Informer - Your Brink?

Tom Stone - Yeah bitch, you heard me, MY BRINK!

The Informer - Back to the match please... Brink now follows that up with a Lyin Tamer!! Hart taps!! NOOOOOO!!!!! Brink lets go of the hold!! What the hell is he doing Stone?!? Is this YOUR doing?

Tom Stone - Umm... Nooo....

The Informer - Tom, you are sooooooooooo full of shit... but back to the match... Brink throws Hart into the turnbuckle... He signals to the crowd...

Tom Stone - YESSSSSSS!!!!!!! Hart is going to take... the... PPPPPLLLLLLLUUUUNNNNNGGGGGEEEE!!!!!

The Informer - Hart falls face first down onto the mat, Flair style!! Brink now setting him in the Sharpshooter!! Hart tapping again!! NO BELL?!? Where's the ref?!?!?

[The camera pans over, to see the referee out cold, and Stone walking back over to the announcers booth, with his chair in hand. He walks back over to The Informer, and sits back down]

Tom Stone - *Cough* Now, where were we?

The Informer - Well, apparently the ref got knocked out somehow, and Bret is tapping like a pimp does ass...

[Camera pans over to The Brink putting on the Sharpshooter, then says "Damn this move sucks" and lets go of the hold]

Tom Stone - HAHAHAHA!!!!

The Informer - Yeah... ha... ha... Brink now setting Hart up in the ropes again...

Tom Stone - DOWNWARD PLLLLUUUUNNNNGGGGEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Informer - Again... Brink with the pin. Mike Hunter counts... 1... 2... 3!!!

[The Brink won the match in 23 minutes and 14 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, The EWA Heavyweight Champion, The Brink!!

Tom Stone - Ok, SHUT UP with the Spoiler shit... Because I gave you MORE THEN ENOUGH time each week to fill the ears of innocent wrestler's of all your bullshit... Shut Up, or No More Spoiler!!!

The Informer - Why don't you ask the fans what they want??

Tom Stone - They want Me!!! You remember what happened in that hospital in Canada?!? All those fans were there waiting for me to arrive with that scum sucker Serial Thrylla!!

The Informer - I think they wanted Thrylla more then you....

Tom Stone - How the FUCK would you know??

The Informer - I wouldn't....

Tom Stone - Exactly... No shut up and call the match.

The Informer - Aye Aye captain.

Tom Stone - I'll poke out your eyes and send you to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean so you can REALLY be a pirate.

The Informer - Y-E-A-H... Whatever you say, boss.

Tom Stone - Damn right, now tell everyone how much this match sucks....

The Informer - Zed jumps from the top... Oh!! Sunset Flip into the cover.... 1..... 2.... No!!! The Wildman kicks out!! The Wildman gets to his feet, Zed is up too, Wildman nails him with a belly to belly suplex!! Zed slow at getting to his feet now, as Wildman bounces off the ropes, and nails Zed with a bulldog!! Wildman picks Zed up by his hair now... Zed with a low blow!! Wildman clutching the family jewels!!

Tom Stone - He has none.

The Informer - Easy there... Zed relentless now, he picks Wildman up... Ouch!! Gut wrench powerbomb!! Wildman dazed now... As Zed picks him up again, another powerbomb!! How much can Wildman take?!? Wildman to his feet now, he got back up!! Zed with a kick to the gut... Wildman with right hands!! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6!! Zed returns it with a few of his own!! Wildman with a clothesline, that takes Zed off his feet! Wildman bounces off the ropes again... running lariate!! Wildman follows up with an armbar! Zed wincing in pain!! Wildman not letting him up at all! Mike Hunter checking for the tap... is Zed going to give?!? NO!!! Zed has his foot on the ropes!! Wildman releases the hold, and backs off as Zed slowly recovers... The Wildman picks up Zed.... PILEDRIVER!!! The Wildman goes to the top..... Zed quickly gets up and runs over, OH!! The Wildman should go get his "tool" checked out... He's been getting most of the pain in this match from being hit there!! Zed climbs up to the top rope... He lifts Wildman to his feet... Both men are dangerously standing on the top!! The Wildman suddenly gets a burst of energy and jumps on Zed's shoulders... What the hell!??! Both men are doing anything to keep balance up there!!! Zed with a rake in the eyes... He lifts The Wildman....... UNFORGIVEN!!!!!! UNFORGIVEN!!!!!! UNFORGIVEN!!!!!! ZED GOES FOR THE PIN..... 1.......... 2............... THREE!!!!!!! ZED WINS!!!! WE HAVE A NEW INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION!!!!

[Zed won the match in 46 minutes and 29 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, and NEW EWA International Champion, Zed!!

The Informer - See!! I told ya so!! Zed just need 1 match to claim some gold!!! Wait a minute, who the hell is that?!?! WHAM!!! ZED IS OUT!!! SOME PERSON JUST NAILED ZED WITH THE INTERNATIONAL TITLE!!!!

Tom Stone - That's Scott Rockwell!! He's some new guy...

The Informer - The Wildman is up... He see's Rockwell beating on Zed!! The Wildman goes over to Rockwell and grabs him by the hair!! Rockwell nails The Wildman in the nuts and rolls under the ropes and out through the crowd!! Ladies and Gentlemen, thanks for watching Friday Fever on a night where Big Poppa Pump gets fired, and Zed wins the International Title!!! This is The EWA Informer, Signing off!!!