EWA Friday Fever Results For June 11th, 1999, Hosted By Tom Stone & The EWA Informer.
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Match #1: Ladder Match W/ Zed's Cattle Prod
Zed vs. Steve Blackman.
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The Informer - Who know's, he's a jobber!!! Wait, Zed turns around... He see's Blackman getting up... He jumps, Diving Clothesline!!! Zed hops to his feet... He pulls Blackman to his feet by his hair, he lifts him onto his shoulder.... WHAM!!! UNFORGIVEN!! Looks like Blackman broke his neck!! Zed climbs the ladder, he has the Cattle Prod!!! He jumps down, and Zap's Steve Blackman in the nuts!!! That's Extreme..... Extreme humiliation!!
[Zed won the match in 8 minutes and 56 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Zed!!
The Informer - Tom... Looks he hurt himself on that one... He's favouring his knee!! The ref is checking him out, Wait a second, Miss Fire is on the apron.... The Iceman gets up, it looks like he likes what he see's!! Miss Fire takes a swing, she NAILS The Iceman in the head with a bottle of beer!!! The Iceman stumbles backwards, Firehazard was playing possom!! He kicks The Iceman in the gut..... FireStone Powerbomb!! Mike Hunter counts... 1.... 2..... 3!!!!!!
[Firehazard won the match in 17 minutes and 45 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Firehazard!!
The Informer - What the hell?! DeRaNgEd is getting up, and he's the one who got hit with the move!!! He grabs Justin Jabronie, and throws him in the ring... He whips him into the corner........ TORNADO DDT!!! DeRaNgEd signals, this could be "The End" as he would call his signature move... He sets up Jabronie on top..... THE END!!!! WOW!! WHAT A MOVE!!! Mike Hunter counts, 1.... 2..... 3!!!!
[DeRaNgEd won the match in 19 minutes and 0 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, DeRaNgEd!!
The Informer - Mr. X gets to his feet, Dead~Bolt swings with the frying pan... DING!!! Mr. X is stumbling!! Dead~Bolt sets up the table... He kicks Mr. X in the gut, looks like he's attempting a Double Arm DDT threw the table!! He sets up, NO!! Mr. X knee's him in the groin, THE X BOTTOM threw a table!!! Mike Hunter counts, 1... 2.... 3!!!!
[Mr. X won the match in 22 minutes and 56 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Mr. X!!
[Suddenly the EWA Big Screen opens to a scene of Divine�s locker room, where he appears to just now be putting his wrestling attire on. He has some sort of white substance on the rim of his lips and in the background you can continue to hear a man�s voice, very deep, saying "Where you going? You�re not done here! Hey, Divine!"]
Tom Stone - What the hell? This doesn�t go on in my company. This little homo thinks he can just barge in here and please someone in MY locker rooms? Oh hell no. I�ll be right back.
[Tom Stone takes off his headset and storms back to the back, where minutes later he can be seen dragging Divine, who just has his pink jock strap on, out to the ring. In a disturbingly fruity manner, Divine is trying to get away from Stone, but it is to no avail. Stone tosses him into the ring with ease. He grabs the mic from Johnny Bones]
Tom Stone - You wanna be gay? YOU WANNA BE GAY???! Well, this is my company, and I�ll be more than happy to get happy on your ass. Ring the damn bell.
[The time keeper rings the bell as the owner of the EWA, Tom Stone, goes over to the cowering body of Divine and bring him too his feet. He kicks Divine square in the nuts (or lack thereof) and gets him in position for what looks like a tombstone piledriver]
The Informer - Folks, that�s not the Tombstone, that�s the TomStone!!! WAMM, the owner of this company just took out Divine with the finisher named after himself. He�s covering Divine with 1 foot!!! 1..... 2....... 3!!!! It�s over!!! Tom Stone has beaten Divine!!! Wait, the owner�s got the mic!!!
Tom Stone - You�re pathetic. I want you to get the hell outta this arena right now. And get outta this company. See ya later.
[Stone goes over to the ropes and climbs them in an Austin-esk style]
Tom Stone - And this goes out to anyone else who is thinking of getting on my bad side... IF YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A CARDBOARD BOX HOME...
[The fans yell "HAVE THE BALLS TO MESS WITH TOM STONE!!!!"]
[No Contest in 1 minutes and 54 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Ladies and Gentlemen, this match has been ruled a No Contest!!
The Informer - Umm, Okay.... What's he doing?? The Brink sets up Scott Sanders..... OH MY!!! MFS!!! MONEY FROM STONE!!! THATS THE FIRST TIME THAT MOVE HAS BEEN EXECUTED!!! Mike Hunter counts, 1.... 2...... 3!!!!
[The Brink won the match in 12 minutes and 57 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, The EWA International Champion, The Brink!!
The Informer - Thorn throws him to the ropes, The Rock bounces back, Thorn jumps for a flying clothesline... The Rock moves and Thorn goes flying to the outside!!! The Rock follows him out... What's he doing?! The Rock just pulled Handcuffs out of his boot!! He handcuffs Thorn to the guard rail, and grabs a chair... He gets in the ring, climbs to the top and jumps.... CRACK!!! CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAD OF THORN FROM INSIDE THE RING TO THE OUTSIDE!!!! Thorn is cripled!! Call an ambulance!!!
[Thorn won the match in 34 minutes and 12 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Here is your winner by Disqualification, Thorn!!
[Paramedics come down to the ring and carry Thorn away on a stretcher....]
Tom Stone - Yeah but that�s the past! This is the present baby! And the present ain�t lookin� too good for the Wildman. Chandler has him in a front face lock... it�s all academic now...
The Informer - BIG TI....... NO! THE WILDMAN REVERSES!!! NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!!! MIKE HUNTER COUNTS... 1..... 2.... THR.... NO!!! NO NO NO NO!!! Chandler�s out. Just barely.
Tom Stone - And let�s not forget, this isn�t a ring these two are fighting on, this is a steel beam that�s about 50 feet in the air. That sucker ain�t that wide either. Falling off is what you DON�T want to do here....
The Informer - That�s for damn sure. Both men are out. Their not moving. I don�t know what it is about these two, but they bring out the best in each other. This series of matches between these two has been amazing.
Tom Stone - I�ll be the first to admit, I didn�t expect the Wildman to push Chandler like this. But he has! This match is great!
The Informer - The Wildman getting back on his feet now, Chandler�s up too. Wildman takes a wild swing at Chandler! Chandler ducks!
Tom Stone - WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?!?!?!
The Informer - Chandler looks to be setting the Wildman up on that ladder leading to the scallfold! That thing rises 12 feet above the steel beam!!! Holy crap...
Tom Stone - No way. There is no way in hell he is going to....
The Informer - CHANDLER JUST SUPER BACK SUPLEXED THE WILDMAN ONTO THE STEEL SCALLFOLDING!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!! THEY�RE DEAD!!! THEY ARE BOTH DEAD!!!
Tom Stone - That�s gotta be one of the craziest things I�ve ever seen. Neither man is moving. Sure Chandler was the one doing the move, but did you see his head hit that beam? You�ve gotta think he took the worst of that one.
The Informer - Fans this is serious. Mike Hunter is administering the 10 count. He�s at 8..... 9...... 10!!!
Tom Stone - That�s it, Hunter is calling for the bell.
The Informer - And that�s really the smart thing to do. Now lets get some paramedics in here quick. They�re still not moving.
Tom Stone - Well fans this has been a wild night... and we�re outta time! We�ll see you on Heat!!
[Double Countout in 47 minutes and 34 seconds.]
Johnny Bones - Ladies and Gentlemen, this match has been ruled a Double Count Out!!
