The Informer - Mike Hunter counts... 1... 2... 3!!!

[Mr. X won the match in 9 minutes and 14 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Mr. X!!

The Informer - Look Out!! Here comes Brian Fury off the top.... 450 SPLASH!!! We've witnessed "Backdraft"!! Mike Hunter counts... 1... 2... 3!!!!

[The Fury Clan won the match in 12 minutes and 51 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here are your winners, The Fury Clan!!

Chandler - You know, i've beaten this jobber at least a thousand times now. Frankly I don't feel like kicking his ass again. So here's what I do, in one corner we have Faarooq, who's a big black fatass. In the other corner we have, making his in-ring EWA debut, for probably the only time, everyone's favorite left guard... Stuttering ROD...

[Chandler turns to Stuttering Rod...]

Chandler - Reg, are you ready? Now this man's a former WCW world champion. Do you think you can take him?

Stuttering Rod - y-y-y-y-yeah i know i c-ca-c-can. BRING IT FATASS!!!

The Informer - Rod goes to work on Faarooq... Rod throws Faarooq into the ropes, WHAM!!! Chandler hit Faarooq with an illegal foreign object!!! Faarooq turns around... Rod nails a scoop slam!! He runs to the ropes... over Faarooq, and back again... the BIGGIEBOMB!!! Faarooq is twitching!! He's crippled for life!!! Mike Hunter counts... 1... 2.... 3!!!

[Stuttering Rod won the match in 1 minutes and 4 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Stuttering Rod!!

Tom Stone - Wait a minute, here comes TNT!!!

TNT - Hey jobber, I mean Chandler... You should've wrestled that match because Sunday will be the last time that you EVER wrestle!! Your reign stops Sunday, be prepared..........

The Informer - LOOK OUT!!! Here comes Pollux Troy.... AND Rick Ramos!!! All 4 men are in the ring... they're battling it out, Rage clotheslines Pollux over the top!! Ramos has Castor by his hair... He throws him over the top rope, and into the Spanish announce table!!

[No Contest in 32 minutes and 56 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Ladies and Gentlemen, this match has been ruled a No Contest!!

The Informer - Here comes Johnny Rage!! Pollux throws Ramos to the ropes... Ramos reverses it... Johnny Rage grabs Pollux's legs and pulls him outside of the ring!! He's beating on him!! LOOK OUT!! There's Castor Troy... He came out from the crowd!! Ramos bounces off the ropes... He jumps... OH MY GOD!!! SUICIDE DIVE ONTO THE OUTSIDE BY RAMOS!!!! Now thats some fat shit!!!

[No Contest in 36 minutes and 19 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Ladies and Gentlemen, this match has been ruled a No Contest!!

[Suddenly, "All In The Family" by KoRn begins to play over the PA as the crowd turns to see The Splat Attack Posse running down the aisle to the ring]

The Informer - What are they doing down here?

Tom Stone - Like Brink said, they're shootin the shit!

The Informer - HaHaHa... Eric and Chad hook Cinergy's legs to the ropes... WHAM!! Brink with the superkick!! Cinergy took the PPLLLUUUNNNGGEE!!!!

Tom Stone - Brink with the cover... 1... 2... NO! Eric picked Brink off! What's he doing? Eric picks Cinergy up... Setting him on the top rope... Ouch!!! Journey's End!! Eric with the Journey's End!! Brink with the cover now... 1... 2... 3!!!!

[The Brink won the match in 25 minutes and 13 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, and STILL EWA International Champion, The Brink!!

The Informer - Wardog is standing there stunned!! Thorn kicks him in the gut, he picks up a chair... WHAM!!! Wardog is out!!! Thorn sets up Wardog, Crown of Thorns!!!!! Thorn is leaving the ring laughing!! Umm, Tom.... Is it just me or is Wardog's hand on The Wildman's chest??

Tom Stone - No it isn't you idiot, or else you'd be hearing a count.....

The Informer - Well lookey here!!! Mike Hunter counts, 1... 2...... 3!!!!!

[Wardog won the match in 41 minutes and 32 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, and NEW EWA Extreme Champion, Wardog!!

The Informer - Mike Hunter counts... 1..... 2.......

[Blackout. Suddenly, the letters T-N-T catch fire above the entrance aisle.]

Tom Stone - Look out!! There's TNT!!! TURN AROUND CHANDLER!!! WH--

[TNT nails Chandle with a chair as the show goes off the air.......]

[No Contest in 27 minutes and 9 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Ladies and Gentlemen, This match has been ruled a No Contest!!