["Too Extreme" Shawn Walker won the match in 3 minutes and 42 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, "Too Extreme" Shawn Walker!!

The Informer - Chandler sets up the ladder... He's at the top.. OH NO!! Chandler has the balloon that didn't explode!! He sets it down on the mat... Picks up Blackman... Kick to the gut.... THE BIG TIMER ON A BALLOON FULL OF THUMB TACKS!!! Blackman's face is full of tacks!!! 1... 2... 3!!!

[Chandler won the match in 11 minutes and 27 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Chandler!!

The Informer - The ref is counting... 7... 8... 9... WIAT A MINUTE!!

[The arena goes dim... A green fog fills the arena as a voice is heard saying...]

Voice - Vietnam Sam will never lose!!!!!

[The lights come back as DMX is seen hanging from his feet by Barbed-Wire from the ceiling...]

Tom Stone - NOT AGAIN!!!

[No Contest in 0 minutes and 20 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - This match has been ruled a No Contest!! Therefore, STILL EWA Extreme Champion, DMX!!!

The Informer - Mike Hunter counts... 1... 2... 3!!!

[Wardog won the match in 12 minutes and 24 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, Wardog!!

Tom Stone - Wait a minute... He's not done!! Wardog goes under the ring... Where'd he go?? There he is!! He has hair clippers!!! AND A CHAIR!! WHAM!!! The Undertaker just got nailed in the head with that chair!! What's Wardog doing??! NO!!! He's SHAVING The Undertaker's hair!!

The Informer - Page and Diamond getting into it... OH SHIT! DDP NAILS THE DIAMOND CUTTER ON PAUL DIAMOND! DIAMOND IS OUT!

Tom Stone - WAIT JUST A MINUTE! THAT'S JAMES HAWK BRADSHAW AND KIMONA! THEY CAME IN THROUGH THE MAT! I THOUGHT HE WAS BANNED FOR LIFE WHEN RX LOST TO TEAM BALLZ! HOLY SHIT! HE JUST WAFFLED DDP WITH THE COWBELL!

The Informer - DDP is out cold. WAIT! KIMONA IS CUFFING PAUL DIAMOND TO THE CAGE! BRADSHAW PULLS DAVIS ON TOP OF DDP! THE REF COUNTS! ONE, TWO, THREE! DAVIS WINS!

Tom Stone - This is bullshit! I should go up there and fire the entire ACO on the spot! WAIT A MINUTE! KIMONA JUST GOT A NOOSE FROM THE HOLE IN THE RING WHERE SHE AND BRADSHAW CAME FROM! I'LL SUE THEM FOR THE DAMAGES!

The Informer - Wait! Here comes Siko Shuyama! He's climbing the cage! He's on the roof of the cage! Kimond just tossed one end of the noose up! HOLY SHIT! HE'S TIEING IT TO THE CAGE ROOF!

Tom Stone - BRADSHAW IS TIEING THE OTHER END AROUND DDP'S NECK! I SHOULD'VE NEVER ALLOWED DAVIS AND HIS ALLIANE TO COME BACK!

The Informer - Well Siko is climbing down the cage. He's on the floor. But WAIT! THERE'S PRINCESS! SHE'S GOT THE REMOTE CONTROL FOR THE CAGE! SHE PRESSED A BUTTON!! JESUS H. CHRIST! THE CAGE IS RAISING! DDP AND PAUL DIAMOND ARE BEING HUNG!! THEY WENT TOO FAR WITH THE CRUCIFIXION! THEY WENT TOO FAR WITH THE RAPE! ACO DOESN'T STAND FOR ANTI-CORPORATE OUTLAWS, IT STANDS FOR ANTI-CHRIST ORDER!!

Tom Stone - Security, get your asses out here NOW!!!

The Informer - Finally, security gets the ACO outta here!! Wait just a minute! Listen to the fans! They're enjoying this! They're cheering for the ACO louder than ever!

["Big D" Cal Davis won the match in 38 minutes and 31 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, "Big D" Cal Davis!!

The Informer - Death Row hooks on The Hooride!! Wildman is screaming in pain!! He's headed for the ropes!! The ref asks him if he gives up... He responds with a giant leap towards the ropes!! He's got the ropes!! Death Row releases the hold... He sets up the table in the middle of the ring... He picks up Wildman, and puts him onto the table... Death Row climbs the ropes... Wildman quickly goes over to the ropes and knocks him off his feet!! Death Row is down!!

Tom Stone - The Wildman climbs the ropes... Drop Kick off the top!! The Wildman sets up Death Row infront of the table... WHAM!!!! BACK-BREAKER PILEDRIVE THROUGH THE TABLE!!! MIKE HUNTER COUNTS... ONE!!!

The Informer - TWO!!!

Tom Stone - THREE!!!

[The Wildman won the match in 36 minutes and 6 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, The Wildman!!

Chandler is seen in the rafters above the arena. Wearing just his normal street clothes and drinking an alchoholic beverage (isn't that illegal?) he is attached to a ripcord that extends all the way to the center of the ring.]

The Informer - No damnit no, not that punk again. I swear to god Tom, he ruins everything. FUCK YOU CHANDLER, FUCK YOU!!!!

[Slowly coming down the ripcord, he jumps off of it and lands in the ring. Both Nomad and Ozone are out cold. Standing over their limp bodys, he feels a sudden sense of power. He picks both men up and gives them a double chairshot to the head. Both men are unconscious. He picks Nomad back up and gives him a Big Timer (it just wouldn't be a card without that). Then, apparently for no reason, he pulls Nomad on top of Ozone as the ref counts the 1.... 2.... 3. It's over. Smirking and finishing his beer, he gives the techs the cue and he is raised back up to the ceiling.]

The Informer - I SWEAR TO GOD, I HATE THAT PUNK, I HATE HIM!!!!!

[Nomad won the match in 31 minutes and 17 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here is your winner, The EWA Heavyweight Champion, Nomad!!

The Informer - Both Enforcers are up!! Snatch picks up a chair, and laces it with Barbed-Wire... He sets it down in the corner... Devon Snatch climbs to the top... Chazz Rocco lifts Ramos up, Snatch puts him on his shoulders.... SMACK DOWN OFF THE TOP!!!! THAT WAS A POWERBOMB INTO A NECKBREAKER OFF THE TOP ONTO A CHAIR OF BARBED WIRE!!!

Tom Stone - The Enforcers are climbing the cage!! They've won!!!

[The Enforcers won the match in 32 minutes and 30 seconds.]

Johnny Bones - Here are your winners, The Enforcers!!

Johnny Rage - Well, this is it. Its been a nice tag run in the EWA, but, I just can't do it anymore. There's no point in me staying with Rick as his partner and preventing him from winning any tag team gold. So, I am now offically done with The Regulators, and I am now the teams co-manager, with Harrison Widger. I did recruit a replacement for myself. Hopefully he'll do as good a job as I did, and get you fans to support him as much as you supported me. Ladies and Gentlemen,

:::the lights around the arena dim. Welcome to the Jungle begins to play off in the background:::

Johnny Rage - He has driven women mad with his rugged good looks, not much unlike those of your nearest mountain man. Hard work and persistence through the years can attest to why he has so few teeth. Such neglect of his own well-being ranks him up there with many of our most favorite toothless spitfires such as Chris Benoit and Mick Foley. It was a testament to his own testicular fortitude when he threw the match against Mick, hoping against hope that his pal might make it to the Survivor Series finals. The man doesn't even have to try!!!!! He's laughing at you Bob Holly!!! Clowns like that Austin guy amuse him! You call Rob Van Dam an athlete??? You think Austin is good on the mic??? WRESTLING FANS, I BESEECH YOU! YOU WILL RECOGNIZE THIS MAN AS THE MOST EXCITING WRESTLER IN THE GAME TODAY! It is truth! It is justice! It IS the American way! HE IS THE MAN, THE MYTH, HE IS, DUANE GILL!!!

:::Welcome to the Jungle now erupts over the Public Address System. Duane Gill appears wearing a black tee shirt with the EWA logo on the front, and black jeans. He is wearing his WWF Lightweight Championship belt, and is carrying a garbage can. Gill grabs the mic, as the crowd is stupified:::

Duane Gill - GILLBERG IS DEAD! You see this piece of trash the WWF gave me?

:::holds up the belt:::

Duane Gill - It meant shit to me then, and it means shit to me now. The entire time, all it was was a farce.

:::Gill drops the belt in the trash:::

Duane Gill - I was never taken seriously. Not as Duane Gill, and defenatly not as Gillberg. I am now honored to be in the EWA, and honored that Johnny Rage selected me to be his replacement.

Rick Ramos - Grunt?

Johnny Rage - Well, no I never technically have seen him wrestle before, but I knew that he was the light heavyweight champ in the WWF, so he has to be good right?

Harrison - YEAH JOBBER!

:::The crowd begins to boo Gill, and throws paper cups, nacho boxes, hand grenades, anything they can find at Gill, who is now running to all four corners of the ring with his arms raised:::