EWA Presents: Tsunami

[Violins begin to play, cutting Louis off in mid sentence. PTB walks out to a wave of booing from the crowd. He gets down the ramp and steps into the middle of the ring.]

Patrick T. Bannion: Many of you have been questioning this so called "alliance" that I have with John Steele. It is very simple. I do something for him, he does something for me. He wanted that Universal Title shot, so I gave it to him. In return, he took out Purr last week in the Main Event last week. Or, so I thought. Apparently, Purr was able to get out of bed this morning and show up for his Title Match against Malinko which, by the way, is now a BARBED WIRE ROPES match.

[One of PTB's associates runs down to the ring, in a huge hurry.]

PTB: What in the blue hell do you want?

[Inaudibly, the tall, bulky man says something to Bannion. PTB drops the microphone, and runs to the backstage area.

MD: What could be so important that he stops what he is saying?

LC: Beats me. Whatever it is, really spooked da boss.

MD: We'll be right back, hopefully with some answers.

[The camera cuts to a promo for the Steele Cage pay-per-view, then a commercial break.]

[Excidium executes a pumphandle suplex on Davlin. Davlin executes a pumphandle suplex on Excidium. Excidium with a chokehold on Davlin. Excidium grabs Davlin McCaine and applies an arm wrench. Davlin recouperates and hip-tosses Excidium. Excidium moves back to his feet. Davlin executes a ropeflip hiptoss on Excidium. Excidium is back on his feet. A massive side kick by Excidium takes Davlin McCaine off his feet.]

MD: We have two men here, both of whom are ready and willing to take that belt that Malinko has over his shoulder right now.

LC: And, this is the first time in Extreme Wrestling Action history that a street fight is ACTUALLY taking place in the streets of Houston, Texas!

[Excidium rolls onto Davlin McCaine connecting with a knee. Davlin McCaine stands up. Davlin picks up Excidium and hits him with the Death Valley Driver. Excidium is writhing in pain, clutching his neck. Davlin punches Excidium in the gut. ]

MD: My God! I don't even know how Excidium is moving!

[Davlin puts the chicken wing on Excidium. ref asks Excidium if he quits... ... ...Excidium trys to escape, and succeeds. Excidium hits Davlin McCaine with a desperation snap suplex.]

MD: Both of these men are giving this their all! Excidium is really showing us determination, especially after being on the shelf for so long!

[Excidium gets up. Davlin McCaine press-slams Excidium onto a street sign. Davlin gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Excidium. Excidium gets back on his feet and fist drops McCaine on the asphalt. Excidium executes an airplane spin on Davlin.]

LC: This is quality sports entertainment!

[Excidium climbs on top of a nearby car and nails Davlin McCaine with a reverse flying elbow drop. Excidium runs at Davlin and smashes him in the head with a trash can, causing him to bleed.]

MD: The gravel is covered with blood from that injury.

[Excidium now applies the camel clutch on Davlin. Referee ref is checking for a tap out... ...Davlin is fighting the hold... (AHHHH!) Excidium breaks the hold, seeing as how it is futile. Davlin McCaine drives a forearm into the head of Excidium. Excidium gets caught with an elbowsmash to the face. Davlin McCaine slaps Excidium. Excidium grabs Davlin's head and DDT's him on the gravel.]

LC: What a DDT!!

[Now Excidium standing. Davlin gets locked into the headscissors submission by Excidium. Referee ref is checking for a tap out. ... ... Excidium breaks the hold. Excidium executes a flying knee drop right to the gut of Davlin McCaine. Excidium is up again. Excidium runs in and leg drops Davlin. Excidium executes the flying head scissors on Davlin McCaine. Excidium hits an electrifying headbutt on Davlin McCaine. Davlin McCaine is up again. Excidium Choke Slams Davlin onto the hard asphault. Davlin McCaine looks to be out cold! Excidium catches Davlin McCaine in a backslide and goes for the pin. ref counts the pin. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

MD: Excidium has won the match! He will be going on to face The World of Pain Champion in the coming weeks!

LC: But I wonder what the hell is going on with PTB. He's my new hero after turning Steele to the dark side!

[The image of Excidium standing on the turnbuckle dissolves into Patrick T. Bannion kneeling down, back in the parking lot. The camera pans over to reveal John Steele spitting up blood.]

PTB: Who the f*** did this to you?

Steele: I don't know. They hit me with a damned sledgehammer from behind. The next thing I knew, one of your associates was trying to get me up.

[John grasps his stomach in pain.] PTB: I know how did this. Tommy Purr. Malinko will take care of hi...

Steele: NO. I mean...I want a match with him! The week after New Years. One week before my match with Cage.

PTB: But...

Steele: NO BUTS! Make it happen! Now, I've got to go get my stomach taped up before my tag-team title match.

[Steele gets up and hobbles away. PTB looks shocked. He hasn't seen that look in John's eyes since Pandemonium last month. The scene goes to a commercial.]

LC: Now, this match should be SICK! For the first time ever, the World of Pain Title will be decided in a Spearhead match!

MD: This is one of our newest creations here in the EWA labs. We have taken pain to a whole new level in this one. The ropes have been replaced with barbed wire, and the turnbuckles have been turned into pincushions. Malinko and Purr are in for a bloody match in this one.

[The entrance ramp clouds with smoke as Malinko steps out of the mist to South West Voodoo by ICP. The fans boo and throw things at Malinko as he laughs at them and walks with confidence to the ring blowing them kisses.]

LC: Here comes the champion, and he seems set for this one. I just hope Tommy will be able to hold up his own in this one.

[The lights in the arena suddenly go out as a wild cat is heard screeching over the PA System followed up by the sound of a snapping whip and the lead singer of Trust Company bellows "UNLEEEEEAAAAASHED!!!" as the sounds quickly fade into "Downfall" performed by the same band. The Bannion-tron displays an array of clips as blue and violet-colored lights begin to flash around the darkened arena. The crowd cheers loudly as Tommy Purr appears at the top of the stage, the leggy figure of Mrs. Robinson appearing next to him. The crowd roars with approval as the two make their way down the steel ramp to the ring. Tommy rushes past the rows of fans, slapping hands with each one as he makes his way to the ring. He hops up onto the ring apron and steps over the second-rope, whipping off his newsboy hat and pointing it into the air to a chorus of cheers, screams, and whistles. He tosses his hat to Mrs. Robinson on the outside, along with his coiled whip, and slips off his jacket, whipping it over the top-rope as he prepares for the upcoming match-up. The bell rings and the two men lock up in the middle of the ring.]

MD: Malinko's been getting worse over the past few weeks. I hope Tommy's ready to face him. He has deteriorated in the violence aspect of things.

[Malinko quickly takes the advantage, shoving Purr backwards towards the ropes. Purr manages to regain his footing a foot before the ropes. Malinko charges forward, but Purr quickly moves out of the way, shoving Malinko towards the ropes. Malinko tries to dive over the ropes, and almost succeeds. His right leg catches the barbed wire and shreads his pantleg. He gets back to his feet and looks over Purr, who is standing proud in the middle of the ring. Malinko quickly moves over and grabs a chair before sliding into the ring again. Purr quickly goes to work on Malinko before he can get to his feet. Malinko slowly gets to his knees, but leaves the chair behind. Purr helps him the rest of the way and both competitors lock up for a second time.]

LC: Malinko had a close one with those ropes earlier. I wonder what will happen if one of these two actually do connect with it. That wire is razor sharp.

[Purr quickly capitalizes, whipping Malinko towards the corner. Malinko connects with the turnbuckle, which has tack-heads sticking out all over them. His chest connects as the whole crowd cheers. Malinko does not seem to slow down, however, spinning and hitting a hard right into Purr's temple. Malinko quickly rushes over for the chair, picking it up and moving back towards Purr. Purr slowly starts getting to his feet when Malinko brings the chair down on his back. Purr grasps his back in pain as Malinko goes for a second shot. And a third shot. And a fourth shot. Purr slowly drops back down onto his stomach as Malinko stares at the chair with an evil glare in his eyes.]

LC: Malinko seems to be enjoying this, and he didn't even seem phased that hundreds of tacks just pierced his chest.

MD: Malinko has always loved the pain. I don't think this will slow him down one bit.

[Malinko tosses the chair aside and helps Purr to his feet. Quickly, Malinko sets up a suplex. He manages to pull it off nicely, using every ounce of force he could muster. He placed it perfectly as well, because Purr's boots hit right across the top rope, sticking there. Malinko, slightly shook up by the connection, gets back to his feet and looks over at Purr, who is struggling to get his boots free. Malinko grabs the chair and quickly moves to the spiked turnbuckle. He climbs it and jumps off, nailing Purr directly in the face with the chair as he fell. Malinko gets to his feet as a chorus of boos fill the arena.]

LC: This is one of the most brutal matches thus far, and we're only three minutes in. Why did they decide to make this hardcore on top of the strange stips?

MD: Are you kidding me?

[Malinko quickly gets to his feet and smiles, taking in all the disapproval. He makes his way under the ropes and quickly charges up the ramp.]

LC: Where the Hell is he going?

[Malinko suddenly comes back, pushing a large shopping cart full of various objects he had collected from the back. He starts fishing through the cart, trying to find his next choice. Meanwhile, Purr is slowly stirring, trying to get his feet free. Malinko finally sees what he was looking for. He picks it up and uses all of his force to toss it into the ring.]

LC: My god! He just tossed a full toilet into the ring. And he didn't even bother to empty out all the water!

[Malinko smiles and slides back into the ring, moving towards Purr. He helps Purr get to his feet again. Purr is still dazed from the chair shot earlier that he has trouble regaining his feet at first. Malinko quickly rushes over and goes to set up the toilet again, preparing for something brutal. Purr, however, manages to regain his posture and rushes over, kicking Malinko hard in the chest while he was bent over. Purr grabs Malinko and turns him over into a Tombstone position. He drops Malinko down slightly, still gripping his legs.]

MD: Purr just gave Malinko a swirly!

LC: I don't think that was the intention.

[The crowd begins to roar with laughter. Purr, who is smiling, hoists Malinko up and does it again. He does it once more with a bit more force, then lets go, leaving Malinko standing on his head with his head in a toilet bowl. Malinko tips over slightly, trying to get free. The toilet falls to its side. Malinko slowly pulls his head free. Purr quickly moves in, helping Malinko up and quickly lifting a knee to the midsection for his troubles. Purr then sets Malinko up and delivers a Tommy Bomb onto the toilet. The toilet shatters to pieces, cutting Malinko's back in small places. Malinko lays motionless in the heap as Purr looks on.]

MD: I guess that's what happens when you force a little too much.
LC: Have you ever gone for therapy?

MD: Have you ever given praise to the porcelean God?

LC: No.

MD: Malinko has.

[Purr quickly goes for the pin. 1...Malinko kicks out. The pain surging through his back forced him to convulse. Purr quickly gets to his feet and looks around. He helps Malinko back up and moves him over to the turnbuckle. Malinko stands there, dazed and teetering from the painful power bomb onto the toilet. Purr rushes over to the far turnbuckle and charges forward, ready to dropkick Malinko into the turnbuckle. Malinko steps forward, however, and picks Purr up by the waist, dropping backwards.]

MD: NOOO!!

[Purr goes face first onto the spiked turnbuckle. The tack heads pierce his face. Malinko gets to his feet slowly as Purr steps back, holding his face. Malinko regains his senses and smiles at Purr, who is still struggling with the pain.]

LC: Tommy is definitely going to be feeling that tomorrow! Look, small pinholes of blood are already forming!

[Purr's face is speckled with blood. Malinko quickly runs over and kicks Purr in the head. Purr drops backwards, just avoiding the barbed ropes. Malinko helps Purr to his feet and grabs the back of his head. He runs with Purr towards the far ropes, planning on bulldogging Purr onto the ropes. Malinko jumps in the air, but Purr quickly shoves Malinko forward. Malinko lands in a sitting position on the top rope. He bounces off, but his clothing is caught on the rope. He flips under, entangling himself with the middle and bottom rope. The barbed wire cuts into his skin as he screams in pain from the wire. Purr looks on, shocked with the horror Malinko is going through. A chant of "Holy Sh*t!" starts in the crowd.]

[Malinko begins to struggle in the wire. A quick snap is heard as the top rope breaks from the pressure. The second snaps. Then the third. Malinko drops hard to the floor, still covered in pieces of wire. The ropes are completely gone on one side of the ring. Malinko has foot-long pieces of barbed wire sticking to him. Slowly, he gets to his feet, breathing hard from the pain. Purr can't believe his eyes.]

LC: Malinko is one tough bastard, that's for sure! He's cut up pretty badly from those ropes. I can't see this match lasting much longer.

[Malinko slides into the ring, but rolls in pain as he pushes a piece of the wire deeper into his skin. Purr slowly moves forward, scared to come near the Fourth Horseman. Malinko slowly gets back to his feet as Purr kicks Malinko in the midsection. Malinko doubles over as Purr steps back. Purr quickly charges forward, hitting Malinko with a dropkick. Malinko stumbles backwards and falls out of the open ring. He lands back onto the barbed wire, rolling and screaming in pain.]

LC: Let this stop! End it!

[Purr, disgusted by what just happened, moves over to the open end of the ring. He jumps down and helps Malinko back to his feet. He rolls Malinko into the ring and quickly goes for the chair. He nails Malinko twice in the head, dazing him and knocking him down. He drops the chair and quickly makes his way over to the turnbuckle. He climbs it carefully, avoiding the tacks. Malinko slowly stirs and gets to his feet. He stumbles around as Purr gets ready.]

MD: It looks like Tommy's getting ready to finish this now. He looks to be setting up his Tommyknocker finisher. Now all he needs is Malinko to stand up and turn around.

[Malinko is still doubled over, trying to regain himself. He slowly starts to turn as Purr jumps off. Before Tommy hits his finisher, however, Malinko swings the chair he had just picked up, stopping Purr in his tracks. Purr collides with Malinko and both men hit the mat.]

LC: Tommy never saw Malinko grab that chair when he was stumbling around! And now both men are out!

[Malinko slowly stirs and gets to his feet. Purr eventually follows suit, but is now bleeding badly from the various cuts on his face. Malinko's bleeding as well, and still has pieces of barbed wire sticking out of his skin. Both men back away, trying to regain their posture. Purr takes a deep breath and puts his hands on his knees. Malinko sees his opening and lifts up the chair. He lifts it over his head and slowly begins moving forward.]

MD: Something's falling from the rafters!

[Malinko reaches his spot and is about to follow through with the chair when Purr gets covered with a black canvas cloak. Malinko stops short, staring on in horror. Purr starts struggling with the cloak, trying to pull it off. Malinko starts backing away in shock. Malinko takes another two steps when Purr manages to get it off of him. Malinko's look of shock fades and anger takes over. He charges forward and slams the chair hard over Purr's head. He then hits Purr as hard as he can three more times. He drags Purr into the middle of the ring and lifts him to his knees.]

LC: It seems as if Malinko's gotten his second wind now! He's gone crazy!

[Malinko wraps his left arm around Purr's head and reaches behind his back.]

Malinko: You want your crown? Come on freak!

[Malinko pulls out a bloody piece of barbed wire from his back and wraps it around Purr's head. Purr tries to struggle with the pain, but Malinko's hold is much too strong. Malinko lets him go. Purr drops to his stomach, breathing hard. Malinko walks over and grabs the chair. He places it on Purr's back and kneels on it with both legs. He reaches down and sets in his Make A Wish finisher. Purr struggles and yells that he quits, but Malinko wont let go. The bell rings and Southwest Voodoo by ICP fires up. The crowd begins to boo loudly.]

MD: Malinko retains the title! He wins!

[Malinko won't release the hold.]

LC: Get some officials down here! Someone stop him before he causes serious damage to Purr.

Malinko: Come on, big man! You want to play games? Come on!

[The bell continues to ring as officials run out, trying to stop Malinko. They finally get him off of the chair and away from Purr. Purr holds his back in pain as Malinko makes his way back up the rope with an evil grin on his face. He pulls out a second piece of barbed wire and tosses it into the crowd as they begin to throw things at him. The officials in the ring help Purr to his feet and help him into the back.]

MD: Now that was a brutal match!

LC: Whoever is in the running for the World of Pain title will have a challenge now. The bar has just been raised.

MD: This was sick!

LC: I don't know HOW we are going to top THAT one!

MD: We'll be right back. Our ring crew has to replace the ropes and clean up the carnage.

[Blanchard & Bouchet are starting it off. SSB executes a pumphandle suplex on Tyler Bouchet. Tyler Bouchet executes the guillotine choke on Steve Blanchard. Tyler Bouchet legsweeps "The Stunning One". "The Stunning One" moves back to his feet. SSB short clothslines Tyler Bouchet.]

LC: These teams have been absent as of late.

[Tyler Bouchet gets hit with a frog splash from SSB. The ref starts a super-fast count. .1.2.3..Tyler Bouchet kicks out, after the fact. ]

MD: I can't believe it. SSB did it!

[PTB comes onto the newly-renamed "Bannion-Tron", sitting at his desk, sweat pouring down his face.]

PTB: I really don't need this s*** right now, after my man John Steele got ambushed backstage. Oh, yea. You are wondering why the referee fast counted you? Well, it's because you didn't look at the fine print when you signed up for this match.

[Rock & Bouchet, in the ring, look at each other with a questioning look in their faces..]

PTB: This was a "You're Fired" match. And guess what? You lost. Get the f*** out of my arena!

[The new tag-team (which never got off the ground) is livid. The show goes to a commerical break.]

["Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin Park plays on the PA. The fans are wondering what is going on. The song then fades into "Faint" as the lights go off and a strobe light comes on. There is a huge burst of pyro, seemingly ligthing up the arena. John Steele comes out, wearing dark sunglasses and a trench coat. He stands in the entranceway and stares at the crowd, getting a huge pop. He begins to hobble down to the ring, clutching his stomach.]
MD: Well, it looks like Johnny Steele is going old-school for this match!

LC: But how much good is this change going to do? He looks to be in a lot of pain!

["Seek and Destroy" hits the PA as The Universal Champion appears on the entrance ramp, and the crowd give him a huge pop. He walks down to the ring and joins Steele in the ring. The two men stare each other down. Cage hands his title belt to the referee as he exchanges some words with John.]

MD: I really hope that these two men can pull it off. We need to have some worthy tag-team champions for once.

LC: You know that I don't agree with you that much, but for once, you are right. This is the only undefeated tag-team champions in EWA history. They forfeited their titles because of personal issues. When these two men were together, they never got pinned!

["The Worlds Greatest" hits the PA system and the fans immediately boo as Tornado and Hank Williams make their presence known. Their tag-team titles are draped over their shoulders. Tornado & Hank are sliding into the ring as the cage finishes it's decent.]

MD: This match will be under tornado rules...no pun intended.

[Christian Cage immediately goes after Tornado, and they start exchanging blows. Steele clotheslines Williams to the outside & follows him out.]

LC: Cage & Steele are working pretty well as a team. Hopefully, they will be able to keep it up for the rest of the match...

[Cage whips Tornado against the ropes and nails him with a massive clothesline. He goes for a cover...1...Tornado kicks out. Steele is getting pummeled on the outside. Hank is using Steele's vulnerable midsection against him. Hank reaches under the ring and pulls out a table. Before he can set it up, Steele executes a running bulldog, right onto the concrete. Steele takes this opportunity to set up the table and lay Hank across it. John holds one-half of the tag champs down and Cage sees what his partner is doing. Tornado is still down from a powerbomb he was hit with a few moments ago.]

LC: DON'T DO IT, CAGE! IT ISN'T WORTH IT!

[In a moment of selflessness, Cage runs to the ropes, jumps over, and lands with a textbook frog splash on Hank - breaking the table, & sending them both crashing to the floor. Cage grabs his stomach and crawls over to pin Hank...1...2...Tornado comes out of nowhere and saves the titles for his team. Steele reaches under the ring as Tornado begins to pound on the Universal Champion.]

MD: It looks like Johnny is looking something specific.

LC: I'll give you one guess...but stop calling him Johnny! He hates being called that.

MD: I wasn't aware that you were so "buddy-buddy" with him.

LC: There are a lot of things that you don't know.

[Along with Louis' hunch, John pulls out a twenty foot ladder. The crowd goes nuts! John slides it into the ring, and follows it. Steele sets up the ladder in the center of the ring, and begins to climb it. Tornado and Hank are pummeling on the downed Cage, and don't realize what Steele is preparing to do. Steele gets to the top of the ladder, his head almost touching the top of the cell.]

MD: Oh my God! He's going to jump. that's f***ing suicide!

LC: Maura, I've never heard YOU curse before. Probably because you can't say that on TV.

MD: I'm sorry. It slipped.

LC: Like your tounge last night?

MD: PERVERT! Let's get back to the action.

[Steele screams at the top of his lungs, playing to the crowd. The tag-team champions look up and see John falling, coming closer and closer. They want to move out of the way, but they can't...because Cage is holding onto their ankles. They try to break free, but before they can, John hits them with a crossbody block that sent a rumble through the building. The fans begin to boo, as they notice Tommy Purr running down to the ring. He has huge bandages all over his face - barely recognizable. Some of the tack-holes in his face are still pouring out blood, however. Purr tries to get into the cell, knowing Steele will get the pin. He climbs up the side of the cell in record time and begins to kick the panels on the roof with no relent. Finally, one of them gives way.]

LC: Now there is going to be a REAL explosion.

[Purr drops down into the cell, landing in the ring. He runs and flies between the ropes, taking out both Steele and Cage. He drapes Tornado's arm over John's chest...1...2...Cage musters up enough strength to break the count. Purr is livid! He picks up Cage and slams his head multiple times against the chain-link walls, then throws the three-time Universal Champion to the ground. Steele, in the meantime has gotten back to his feet and is waiting for Purr to turn around. When Purr does, Steele lifts him up into the S-Factor. The crowd goes nuts! Cage, with a last desperation move, blood dripping down his face, hits Hank Williams with the Event Horizon. Steele rolls Tornado, over and locks in an ankle lock submission he calls the Xirtam.]

MD: I never knew Steele was a submissionist. The referee is checking to see if the big man will tap out....

[Tornado is trying to fight the hold, but he can't. He tries to reverse the pressure, but Steele is just locking it on harder. Purr is back up, hobbling over to Steele with a folding chair. He lifts it up...as Tornado is tapping out, Steele gets smashed over the head with a sickening thud. The bell rings.]

MD: STEELE & CAGE HAVE DONE IT! REVOLUTION X IS BACK ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AS FAR AS THE TAG TEAM DIVISION IS CONCERNED!

[The crowd is going nuts as John's head hits the concrete. The cell is beginning to raise as Tornado & Hank begin to realize what is happening. The referee calls for the medics to come down to the ring. Steele & Cage are both put on stretchers. The referee drapes Steele's tag title on his chest. He hands Cage's two belts to the EMT tending to Christian.]

LC: What a way to end Tsunami! PTB must be damn proud of himself!

MD: Exactly, Lou. We'll be back with another great night of EWA action on January 8th, one week prior to the pay-per-view extravaganza! Happy Holidays to everyone and God Bless America!

[The event ends on an image of Patrick T. Bannion in the entranceway, laughing sadistically.]