[The EWA pyro hits and Tsunami begins, live from Houston, Texas. The camera pans around the arena, which shows the excited sold-out crowd for the last Tsunami before the Pay-Per-View. Signs fill the arena dedicated to the EWA roster, as the camera cuts down to ringside, with Maura Downs and Louis Carvanelie, who look ready for Tsunami to begin.]
Maura Downs: Hello, again. We are ready and waiting for another spectacular Tsunami show to begin.
Louis Carvanelie: And what a main event we have for you tonight! The EWA Universal Champion in Christian Cage is teaming with his former tag partner, John Steele, to face the former US and TV Champions, Tommy Purr and Sam Hain, for a shot at the tag-team champions next week!
Maura Downs: Do not forget about Malinko being the swingman in the ring. Any one of the four other wrestlers can tag him in. However, first up, we have a ladder match between Hain and Edwards, a
Ladder Match
S. Hain vs. J. Edwards
[Hain comes to the ring. ]
[Edwards walks to the ring. The referee checks Hain's boots and knee pads. Edwards tests out the ropes. (ding, ding, ding) Hain drives a forearm into Edwards. Hain kicks Edwards in the back of the leg. ]
[Edwards delivers a kick to the head of Hain. Hain is back on his feet. Hain tackles and begins punching Edwards. Edwards gets back to his feet. Edwards lifts Hain up and drops him on the mat. Edwards and Hain go to the floor toward the ladder. ]
[Edwards chokes Hain. Hain is back on his feet. Edwards takes the ladder back into the ring. Edwards grabs Hain's head and hites him in the face. Hain uses a closed fist on Edwards. ]
[Hain runs and tackles Edwards. Hain punches him in the head. Hain measures Edwards up and drops a closed fist. ]
[Hain gets back to his feet. Hain measures Edwards up and drops a closed fist. Hain is up again. Hain executes a belly-to-belly suplex on Edwards. Hain starts to climb the ladder. Edwards knocks Hain off the ladder. Hain measures Edwards up and drops a closed fist. Hain kicks Edwards in the stomach. Edwards moves back to his feet. Hain drives a forearm into Edwards. Edwards executes a back breaker on Hain. Edwards goes up the ladder. Edwards and Hain move back to ringside. Edwards chops Hain. ]
[Hain gets caught with an elbowsmash to the face. Edwards with a headbutt on Hain. ]
[Hain punches Edwards in the head and then forearm smashes him. Edwards with an illegal chokehold on Hain. Hain stands up. Edwards lifts Hain up and drops him on the floor. Hain is back on his feet. Edwards goes into the ring with the ladder. Hain follows. Edwards slaps Hain. Edwards lifts Hain up and drops him on his knee. Edwards chants start. Edwards stomps Hain. Hain stands up. Edwards rakes the face of Hain in attempt to make a come back. Edwards chants start. Edwards moves to the first step of the ladder. Edwards continues climbing the ladder. Edwards climbs to the fourth step. Edwards moves all the way to the top of the ladder. Edwards grabs the object! ]
Grudge Match
D. McCaine vs. Ebonix Boy
[Out of nowhere, "Ice, Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice begins to boom over the arena loudspeakers. The crowd buzzes curiously, unsure of who might be coming out of the ramp entrance.]
Maura Downs: Who the hell is THIS now?
Louis Carvanelie: I don't know, but hearing this song again reminds me how badly Vanilla Ice sucked.
Maura Downs: And speaking of people who suck.
[A chorus of boos greet the man who steps out onto the stage. It is the joke in human form known as Ebonix Boy. He acts like a hard ass, posing like a hard ass to the disgust of the Tsunami crowd, but his look says "Early 90s Gangsta Wannabe," complete with the jeans so baggy that his shorts covered ass is practically hanging out, an Oakland Raiders shirt, and the ever present backwards baseball cap. He poses in a "B-Boy" stance on the top of the stage, and then begins to hip hop dance down to the ring.]
Louis Carvanelie: Oh...somebody get me a GUN.
Maura Downs: Are you feeling ok, Louis?
Louis Carvanelie: Yeah. Why?
Maura Downs: Well the crowd absolutely HATES this guy. I am just surprised that you're not singing this guy's praises because of that.
Louis Carvanelie: Hey...there's heel heat, and then there's "Get this Sploser off the stage" heat, and I think for once the crowd and I are in agreement on removing this turd of a wrestler off our respective screens.
Maura Downs: Sploser?
Louis Carvanelie: It's what happens when a Spaz and a Loser become one. Case in point, the man in the ring with a mike right now.
[We cut back to the ring, where Ebonix Boy does indeed stand in the middle of the ring with a microphone. He doesn't even wait for the boos to die down to begin talking.]
Ebonix Boy: Yo, yo, yo�G-Unit, Baby!!! G-Unit 4 Life!!! (The boos practically tear the roof off the place)
Louis Carvanelie: Ugh�
Ebonix Boy: Yo�.so I was talking to Bannion backstage and he said I have this match tonight with Davlin McCaine. (A mighty cheer breaks out, Davlin chants start) And I said, "Yo Dawg, what's McCaine gonna do to me? Hobble down to the ring and hit me with his crutch? I mean, the dude used to be hard core, but now he's just a broken down, crippled piece of Crap." But Mr. Bannion told me that Davlin wouldn't even show up tonight, and that this was just a way of getting me over BIG TIME. So since "The No Talent" seems to be a no-show�I'm gonna take it upon myself to declare�.myself the winner of this match. (More boos�if that's possible) THE WINNER�EBONIX B�
[The flash of the word "TALENT" on the Kellertron suddenly cuts off his words, the crowd suddenly does a complete 360, and a mighty roar fills the arena. "Stand Up" by Ludacris begins to boom over the arena loudspeakers.]
Louis Carvanelie: YES! PRAISE FUCKING JESUS!
Maura Downs: I have to admit�I'm a pretty hard-core feminist, but I hope Davlin tears this sorry Sploser in two.
[The "Davlin" chants start up in earnest as red pyro and flashing strobe lights begin to go off on the stage. The always-lovely Susie Vixen steps out on stage first, holding her ever-present black Singapore Cane. She smiles and greets the excited crowd, and then steps to the side as the man�the legend�"The New Talent" Davlin McCaine walks out onto the stage. He pounds his chest with his fist and points his fist towards the crowd.]
Maura Downs: Somebody looks mighty un-crippled.
Louis Carvanelie: And look at Ebonix Boy�he looks like he's about to drop a load in his shorts.
[Indeed, there seems to be a look of utter bowel constricting FEAR on the face of the sole representative of G-Unit in the ring. He isn't sure whether to run or try and stand his ground as Davlin and Susie step into the ring. Susie stands guard while Davlin hits one of the turnbuckles, he glances back slightly as Ebonix Boy, and an evil smile crosses his face.]
Louis Carvanelie: Uh-oh�here we go.
[Davlin hops down and slowly begins to walk towards Ebonix Boy, who quickly searches for words.]
Ebonix Boy: Yo Dawg�I didn't mean any of the things I said a few minutes ago. Bannion told me to talk all that crap�to try to get myself over, you know how that is. (Davlin nods, the evil grin still flashing on his face) I mean, really�..I'm a HUGE fan of yours, D. I have all of your shirts and jerseys�..I even have one of your action figures, Yo. Hell�.I'm even a member of the Official Davlin McCaine Fan Club��#46468789. So�..being that I'm a huge fan of yours�..we don't have to do this fight each other thing, right? (Davlin shakes his head) That's awesome��you're the BEST, Davlin. I won't forget this, Dawg!!! (Ebonix even tries to give Davlin a hug, but Davlin shrugs him off. Davlin then nicely reaches out for the mike) Oh�you want the mike? (Davlin nods) Here, yo. (he hands Davlin the mike)
[Davlin pauses as if he about to say something, and then takes the mike and THUMPS Ebonix Boy in the head with it�..HARD. Ebonix Boy falls over like a toothpick house, and seems to have been knocked unconscious.]
Maura Downs: HA!!! Davlin knocked him out COLD! That was Great!
Louis Carvanelie: I just wish Davlin would have made him suffer more.
[Davlin then steps over the knocked cold Ebonix Boy and begins to speak.]
Davlin McCaine: (laughs) Ebonix Boy�..really. (Shakes his head) Well, now that the comedy portion of our show is over�..WHAT THE FUCK IS UP, PLAYERS AND PLAYETTES?!? (the crowd roars back in approval) Y'know, I wasn't even supposed to be here tonight�..in fact, I wasn't even sure if I was coming back to the EWA, but then I saw losers like this (points at EB) starting to invade the federation that I most recently called Home�.and I knew I had to come back. And let there be no mistake here�..DAVLIN McCAINE IS BACK!!!
Back to do what I was doing three months ago, prior to my injury, and that was turn this god damned federation on its ass. I mean, think about it�..the last time I was here, I was the US Champion, a belt that I was never beaten for, by the way�..and I was one step away from fighting for the top belt in the EWA�.the Universal Championship, which I would have most likely won because I had beaten the champion twice before. And what happened? I got jumped by a bunch of ass masters who are no longer even in this federation for me to wreak unholy revenge on. Long story short, I got a nice 3 month sit out, while I watched lesser talents than me get the fucking brass ring that I had within my grasp. Fucking BULLSHIT is what it was��so now I'm back, and all of you ass wipes back there that wanted to try and crack on me, but jump on my nuts at the same time�..The Ride's OVER, Fuckers�..because I'm back here to�..
[Suddenly, Davlin's music is interrupted by the voice of Patrick T Bannion, who walks out onto the stage with a group of huge men in business suits.]
PTB: Hold Up! Hold Up! What the hell do you think you're doing here?
Davlin: Uh�doing my comeback promo?
PTB: That's what I mean. You can't make a comeback. You don't work here anymore.
Davlin: The shit I don't. I have a contract�.
PTB: Not with me you don't. It's bad enough that I had to lose several advertisers and affiliates over Purr and his�sexual orientation. I'm not going to lose any more because of you and your�..potty mouth.
Davlin: "Potty mouth?" What are we in Kindergarten? (The crowd laughs) By the way, nice suit. Is Wal Mart having a sale or something?
PTB: Laugh all you want, McCaine, because the last laugh is going to be mine. (To the suits) Get him and escort him out of my arena.
[The men in suits make their way down to the ring, but by the time they have gotten there, Davlin and Susie are already standing amongst the fans. Davlin (who still has his mike) stands on the 2nd level guardrail.]
Davlin: Hey Jackass. You didn't let me finish. You obviously didn't take a good look at the contracts when you bought the company. Because when Mike Victory reopened the fed, I signed a pretty sweet deal to be a part of EWA Version 2.0. The deal was a one year contract that protected me from any unjust firing�..in fact, any firing at all. The contract can only be terminated by one person�..and take one guess who that person is. (The Davlin chants start again) So one way or another�..you have Davlin McCaine until June of 2004, and after the bullshit you just pulled, you can be sure I'm going to spend the next 6 months and change making your life a living hell. So choke on that, you bad business suit wearing, ass licking, boy fucking, donkey blowing, rat fuck bastard ass Biiiiiiiiittttttttccccccchhhhhhh!!!
["Stand Up" kicks back in again as Davlin and Susie celebrate with the fans on their way out. We see Bannion, who does not look pleased.]
Louis Carvanelie: Well�Davlin might have won a battle against the Powers That Be here, but I think the war has just begun.
Maura Downs: I have to agree with you again, Louis. Interesting times ahead for the EWA...because Davlin McCaine is BACK.
[We go to commercial on a shot of Davlin.]
WoP Title Match
T.G. Malinko � vs. M. Victory
[Victory comes to the ring.]
[The entrance ramp clouds with smoke as Malinko steps out of the myst to South West Voodoo by ICP. The fans boo and throw things at Malinko as he laughs at them and walks with confidence to the ring blowing them kisses.]
[The Thrill Seeker walks around the ring. Victory gets nailed with a charging axhandle bodyblock from Malinko. (ding, ding, ding) The Thrill Seeker delivers a low blow to Malinko. Malinko is back on his feet. The Thrill Seeker slaps Malinko. Malinko gouges Victory's eyes out. Malinko bounces Victory off the ropes and faceslams him onto the mat. Victory gets back to his feet. The Thrill Seeker swings the ringbell and hits Malinko. Malinko is bleeding as a result. Victory goes for a figure four. New Referee 1 is checking for a tap out. ... Malinko reverses it, forcing Mike Victory to let go.]
[Victory applies a Boston crab to Malinko. The referee is checking the situation. ... Victory tightens the hold. ... ... ... The Fourth Horsemen tries to escape and succeeds. The Thrill Seeker grabs Malinko's head and bites him in the face. Malinko tackles Victory and pummels his head. Victory moves back to his feet. The Thrill Seeker puts Malinko in a reverse chin lock. Referee New Referee 1 is checking for a tap out. ... Victory tightens the hold. ... Victory tightens the hold even further ... As a last ditch effort, A flying lariat by Malinko takes Victory down. ]
[Malinko climbs to his feet. Victory gets hit with the shooting star press from Malinko. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 The Thrill Seeker escapes. Victory puts Malinko in a reverse chin lock. New Referee 1 is checking for a tap out. ... The second 'One' champion tightens the hold. Malinko escapes. They head outside.]
[Victory swings a briefcase and hits Malinko. They head down the aisle. Victory rakes the face of The Great Malinko in attempt to make a comeback. Victory gets tiger suplexed by Malinko. Victory is back on his feet and throws Malinko into the crowd. ]
[Malinko goes for a gut-wrench powerbomb but The Thrill Seeker dodges the attack. Malinko swings the ringbell and hits The Thrill Seeker. The Thrill Seeker is bleeding as a result. ]
[Victory hits the floor. Malinko sucks chants start in the crowd. They head back to ringside. Malinko swings a briefcase and hits Victory. Victory is bleeding as a result. ]
[Malinko goes off the top and hits a flying sitdown splash on The Thrill Seeker. Malinko sucks chants start in the crowd. Now The Thrill Seeker standing. Malinko hits The Thrill Seeker with a straight punch! Malinko and The Thrill Seeker head into the aisle. The Thrill Seeker and Malinko are headed back to the technical area. Malinko picks up The Thrill Seeker and executes the cradle DDT. Malinko sucks chants start in the crowd. Malinko is up again. Malinko fist drops Victory on the floor. Malinko is back on his feet. Malinko with the Flying Elbowdrop on The Thrill Seeker! Malinko locks in his "Make A Wish" finisher. The referee checks for a submission � Victory taps out!]
Tag-Team Title Match
Tornado & H. Williams � vs. SSB & Blood Thirst
Louis C: SSB and bloodThirst two main veterans of the sport are teaming up tonight to take on the EWA tag team champions Tornado and Hank.
Maura Downs: This is gonna be a great match Louis experience versus size and youth
Louis Carvenelie: True it is however remember wh the champs are they always have the advantage
'The Worlds Greatest' hits the PA system and the fans immediately boo as Tornado and Hank Williams make their presence known. They point down to the ring and start laughing hysterically, as they make their way down.Their opponents SSB and BloodThirst are already in the ring SSB is telling BT something and BT then nods
SSB and BT waste no time as they both hit the ropes and baseball slide Hank and Tornado, who both stumble backwards. SSB goes to the ropes and hits a suicide dive on Hank, knocking him towards the ramp, and BT grabs Tornado and they fight all over the ring until SSB low blows Tornado, and Tornado goes down but Hank is now back in the action and he grabs a kendo stick from untder the ring and smashes it down on SSB's head, BT has now grabbed a chair. Another shot with the kendo stick on SSB's head sees it broken in half, as SSB doesn't appear to know where he is. Meanwhile, Hank has got to his feet, straight into a steel chair shot that rings out throughout the arena, and Hank and SSB have fallen down to the floor.
Louis C: Damn
Maura: You said it
The ref is counting and SSB is back in the ring and Hank is now up too, Tornado and BT are going away at each other with lefts and rights and SSB and Hank lock up in the ring. Hank goes for a test of strength SSB shakes his head and obliges and its on but Hank goes to kick SSB in the mid section but SSB catches him and trips him and Hank is down and SSB goes for the cover 1!!! KICKOUT!!!!
Tornado and BloodThirst are now in their respective corners and are cheering for their partners, SSB tags in his partner BloodThirst and BT then pulls Hank up to ddt him but Hank is able to make a quick tag to his partner and Tornado comes charging in and knocks BT down and then is beating the hell out of Blood thirst while yelling you want Blood here it is, SSB then gets in the mix and pulls out brass knucks and goes to knock out Tornado but Blood Thirst stops him with a reverse drop ddt.
BT goes in for the count but Tornado is too resilient and kicks out at the 2 count and Tornado then reaches out to get the tag but he's not close enough and SSB comes rushing in as BT had tagged his partner SSB then tries to use some classic technical wrestling and he goes for the figure 4 after kicking at Tornados leg, Tornado is able to get to the ropes and the ref forces SSB to break the hold and he does..
Maura: We have seen a lot of action tonight, that's for sure
Louis: Yep we are seeing old classic wrestling plus a few new things and the champs are holding on to their titles.
Maura: But for how long? THAT is the question.
Tornado has tags in his partner and Hank is now back in action. Williams and SSB face off they start mouthing off then Hank pushes SSB and SSB gets angry and pushes Hank back. A slugfest commences as both Tornado and BloodThirst get involved. The ref has completely lost control of the match, and he calls for the bell.
Maura: After all of that, Tornado & Hank Williams retain their titles!
Louis C: We'll be right back with our Main Event!
MAIN EVENT
J. Steele & C. Cage & Malinko vs. T. Purr & S. Hain & Malinko
[All of the wrestlers are in the ring. John Steele and Tommy Purr are going to start it off. The referee attempts to get some order in the ring, forcing Malinko, Hain, and Cage to each go to a different neutral corner. Steele & Purr begin to exchange blows, each coming back with no relent. Steele gets the upper hand and whips Purr towards the ropes. Purr bounces back and runs right into a back body drop from Steele. Right in front of the referee, Steele chokes the life out of Purr. John picks up Purr and throws him into the only remaining neutral corner. Hain and Cage are beginning to seem a little antsy on the apron of the ring. Malinko has blood running down his face from the Title defense he had earlier in the night. Steele stomps a mud hole into Tommy's chest.]
Maura Downs: John is completely dominating Purr, showing why he is the number one contender for the Universal Title.
Louis C: Hell, I damn well don't like the guy, but he's got some real talent.
[Steele drags Purr over to Malinko and tags him in. Cage is livid! Malinko begins to work on Purr, taking over where Steele left off. John begins to root Malinko on. Cage goes to swing at Steele, but who walks on the stage, Patrick T. Banion. PTB has a steel chair in hand as he walks calmly down the ramp to ringside, sets up the chair, and sits down. Cage thinks better of it. Back in the ring, Purr is beginning to pummel Malinko. Malinko is whipped into the corner where Cage is standing. Cage tags himself into the match and immediately makes a beeline for Purr. Purr sees this and runs over to his corner and tags in Hain as Malinko rolls out of the ring, falling on his face.]
Maura Downs: We've seen a more civilized match than any of us thought possible. Every time any two of these men get together we know that there will be an explosion, but it looks like everyone is trying to actually wear down their opponents.
[Cage brings Hain to the neutral corner and superplexes him, folding Hain like an accordion. Cage goes for the cover�1�2�Hain gets the shoulder up in the nick of time. Cage brings Hain over to Steele, wanting to tag in Steele, but John jumps off of the apron, leaving Cage stranded. PTB begins to smile sadistically.]
Maura Downs: You know, something is seriously wrong with our boss.
Louis: What are you talking about? He is a [beep]ing genius!
Maura Downs: You can't say that on TV!
Louis: I just did!!!
[Cage goes to the top rope and jumps off with a massive frog splash. Hain is grabbing his stomach in excruciating pain. Cage goes for the cover, hooking the outside leg�1�2�Purr breaks up the count at the last second. Steele runs into the ring and begins to distract the referee. Cage gives both Purr and Hain a low blow, then covers Hain�1�2�3!]
Maura Downs: REVOLUTION X HAS DONE IT! THEY ARE GOING TO FACE THE TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONS NEXT WEEK!
Louis C: God dammit.
[Malinko slides into the ring and chases Cage into the crowd. Hain is unconscious Purr is about to go attack PTB on the outside, but John Steele cuts him off. Steele hits the S-Factor on Purr in the middle of the ring. PTB reaches under the ring and slides John a sledgehammer. Steele begins to hit Purr with no remorse at all. PTB slowly climbs into the ring, steps over the fallen Hain, and stops John from continuing. John presents PTB with the sledgehammer. PTB smashes Purr in the ribs, then drops the dangerous weapon on top of the fallen Tommy Purr.]
Maura Downs: Now that is just wrong!
[John Steele shakes PTB's hands. The fans are beginning to throw garbage into the ring.]
Louis C: I KNEW that John had it in him!
Maura Downs: We'll see you next week on a special Saturday Night edition of Tsunami.
[The show now fades into a montage hyping up the Steele Cage Pay-Per-View in a few weeks. Fade to black.]