Thurman Skydive presents...
EWA Tuesday Night Tsunami
Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh PA
Tuesday July 22nd 2003

A montage of highlights from the Cage-Malinko feud are shown, to Stravinsky's 'Infernal Dance', and as the piece of classical music rages to a climax, as does the highlight package. We end with a freeze frame of the two faces, both covered in blood. The word 'TONIGHT' appears in flaming letters at the bottom of the screen, and with that Glen's 'Hang On', Tsunami's theme tune, and the opening credits, start to play...

Inside the arena, as 'Hang On' comes to a close, pyro's erupt from the rafters, and the crowd go nuts as Tsunami goes on the air! There are signs all over the place, the majority of them focussing on the Main Event, and the majority of those supporting Christian Cage, surely the emotive favourite in the match.
Finally the cameras swing to ringside and the faces of Maura Downs and Louis Carvanelie. Even Carvanelie looks more jacked than usual, and both of the pair are dressed to the hills. They know as well as everyone else what a huge night this is for the EWA!

Downs: I have never experienced a rush like this in all my years in the business ladies and gentlemen. Christian Cage and The Great Malinko clash one on one, with the Universal title on the line here tonight in Pittsburgh...welcome to the EWA's Tuesday Night Tsunami!!
Carvanelie: For once I agree with you Maura. People it does not get any bigger or any better than it does here tonight. This is one of the most highly anticipated matches in the business right now, and who else but the EWA is going to present it to you? We're not making you pay thirty dollars to watch the big matches, we're giving you to them live, and we're giving them to you absolutely free. This is the EWA, and yes, we are giving our fans exactly what they want to see!
Downs: It's only his third week as CEO of this company, and already Thurman Skydive has managed to produce one of the hugest Tsunami's in the history of the EWA. And Louis, we have to talk about it. What about the sensational revelations this week. Win, lose or draw, this is Christian Cage's final match in the EWA.
Carvanelie: And you know what Maura, that makes me sick. Christian Cage is the Universal Champion. That means he's allegedly the top guy in this company. He's supposed to be the figurehead, he's supposed to be the flagship...he's supposed to back up his claim to be the franchise player. Instead we've got a Universal Champion who is devaluing both the Championship by walking out on it, and this company by walking away from it. I hope Malinko kicks his ass and sends him packing good and proper here tonight in Pittsburgh!
Downs: After all that man has done for this company I don't know how you have the gaul to say that.
Carvanelie: I'm stating the facts. I don't care what the hell his reasons are for leaving. This company would have been better off if he just walked out and no-showed. By agreeing to this match, then announcing he was leaving afterwards, he's made that belt look like a sack of sh*t, and quite frankly I'm appalled by it. Only one man, and that is The Great Malinko, can restore that belt to the glory it once had!

The Phone Call

Maura and Louis are still talking, as the scene cuts backstage to Thurman Skydive's office. At her desk, Cyndi the Secretary is faithfully typing away at her computer, as the CEO reclines on the blue leather couch (with the EWA logo emblazoned into all the leather panels). He has his cellphone pressed to his ear, and a huge smile on his face...

Skydive: So you'll be here tonight to sign the contract?...Half an hour or so?...That's excellent news...welcome aboard...well the cameras are rolling, so I'll let them wait and see...see you later...

He hangs up and puts his phone on the lamp stand next to him, and clenches his fist in triumph...

Skydive: Cyndi...you'll never guess who I've just negotiated a deal to return them to the EWA with...

Cyndi: Who sir??

As Thurman starts to speak we cut back to ringside, and the pleading faces of the two commentators!

Carvanelie: Who Skydive?? Who!! Tell us damnit!
Downs: Did you see him Louis? He was positively beaming...who do you think it is?
Carvanelie: If I thought I knew who it was would I be screaming into a tiny monitor like this you stupid woman?
Downs: Well we know that whoever Thurman's bringing in, they'll be signing later tonight! What a bombshell we're waiting on already...
Carvanelie: Not to mention Malinko's destruction and humiliation of Christian Cage!
Downs: Whatever...and even THAT'S not all we have in store for you tonight. Thurman Skydive's United States title tournament continues here tonight, as we see the second match of the series between Hells Angel and Smoke. If Hells Ange wins -
Carvanelie: - which he will -
Downs - then he progresses to Adrenaline Rush and the 3/5 Falls final and Championship decider.
Carvanelie: And the other semi-final, don't forget that! Davlin McCaine and The Butcher. They've been talking smack to each other for over a month, and tonight, for the first time, we have them meeting one on one in the ring!
Downs: You're not wrong there. Last week Davlin pulled a fast one over Butcher, and left him a bloody mess in the middle of the ring. He needed to be stretchered out of the arena last week! You know he'll be like a wild animal in there tonight. Louis, do you think Davlin McCaine can deal with that?
Carvanelie: Yes Maura, yes I do. Davlin McCaine is a freakin' genius. Don't get me wrong, I like the Butcher, that guys nuttier than the top of a cheeseburger...
Downs: Nuttier than the top of a cheeseburger?? THOSE ARE SEEDS!
Carvanelie: Who cares, I'm excited, wench! McCaine and Butcher...Smoke and Hells Angel...Cage and Malinko...what a night!
Downs: And we're heading to the ring right now, as we see the clash of two of the young stars of the EWA. Andrew Maloney meets the mysterious man that's been referring to himself as PX2 all week...
Carvanelie: Sheesh...these guys suck. Did you hear it when Davlin called that PX2 guy Playstation 2? I love Davlin!

Hardcore Debutants Match
Andrew Maloney vs "PX2"

The camera goes backstage, and sees the man known as 'PX2' walking down a corridor. The camera goes up his body, zooming in on his face. Along the bottom of the screen a caption appears with the name 'Anton James', and with that we go back to ringside...and Maloney's music booming across the arena.

Downs: So his name is Anton James!
Carvanelie: How fantastically uninteresting!
Downs: It should be interesting to see how these two rookies match-up, and if we can see any potential inside of them.
Carvanelie: No Maura, it should be funny watching them compete that's what it should be.
Downs: Shut up Louis, and have some damn respect for the talent.
Carvanelie: Why, it's not as if they are going to entertain me is it?

Downs: (sighs)

Maloney slides into the ring and Anton James connects with a punch to the head. The two trade blows in the ring, going punch for punch, as Maloney gets the advantage, knocking Anton James into the ropes. Maloney steps back and clothslines James over the top rope. He yells at him, telling him to bring it on, laughing at him. Anton James is furious, but he slides in the ring, showing no intimidation towards the young Maloney. Maloney and James square up to eachother, nose to nose, and James slaps Maloney across the face. Maloney staggers back and is met by another right hand, this time a fist, as James knocks Maloney back into the ropes this time, and when he staggers fowards, he is met with a standing dropkick straight to the jaw. Anton James goes for the cover... 1,2.. kick out.

Downs: Anton James there with the first cover of the match, and it looks pretty even between these two at the moment.
Carvanelie: Yeah, but who cares. I'm looking foward to the US championship semi-finals, not to mention the Universal Championship match.
Downs: Well, yeah, I'm looking foward to them too Louis, but there IS a match going on right now you know.
Carvanelie: Well, like I said, who.. cares?
Downs: Man, you're impossible!

Maloney gets straight up to his feet and ducks a kick to the face, and sweeps the legs of James, who for the second time is sent to the mat. Maloney quickly locks in a variation of the boston crap, and James screams in pain. He inches towards the rope, the ref asking if he wants to quit but James refuses to do so. The crowd are getting into the rookie match-up but it is hard to tell who the crowd are behind. With one last reach, James manages to grab onto the ropes. Maloney releases the hold as the ref gets in his face, and then he drags James into the centre of the ring, looking to apply the same submission, BUT NO, James with a roll-up... 1,2... kick out. Maloney, furious James got the better of him in that altercation, stomps a mudhole in James, kicking him into the corner and stomping his mid-section. James lies slumped in the corner, and Maloney runs to the opposite corner. He signals to the crowd, and then runs at Anton James, and what a vicious knee to the head.

Downs: What a shot!! Maloney doesn't look too happy does he?
Carvanelie: What's he got to be unhappy about, he just leveled James with his knee didn't he?

Maloney then punches James again and again in the temple, eventually busting James open. James desperately clambers up the ropes, but Maloney refuses to let James catch any breath, backdropping him to the mat. Maloney then jumps on the top turnbuckle, looks down at James with a smile, and launches himself off, BUT MISSES!! James managed to roll out of the way and Maloney caught nothing but mat. Both men are down and the ref starts a count of ten... 1... 2.... 3... 4... 5... Maloney begins to stur... 6... As does James... 7... Both men are up and the ref stops the count. James reacts first with a shot to Maloney, and Maloney responds with a shot of his own. They trade a couple more shots, and James gains the upper hand, kicks Maloney in the mid-section, and DDT!! Out of nowhere James gets the DDT, and he rolls over Maloney. 1...2.. kick out. James drags Maloney back to his feet, and looks for a powerbomb, but Maloney counters into a back body drop, and James crashes to the mat. James gets back to his feet, and is met with a dropkick to the face. Maloney whips James to the ropes and knocks James down with a straight right that sends James onto the mat, and sliding out the ring. Maloney jumps from the ring and pursues James, who is staggering around the ring, holding onto the apron. He slides back in and Maloney slides in after him, only to be met with an elbow drop on the neck. James ascends the turnbuckle, jumps off, and drops a leg across the neck of Maloney!! James hooks the leg and Maloney gets another kick-out at 2.

Downs: Both men are looking for the important win that could change the course of their careers.
Carvanelie: There's nothing that can get morale down worse than losing on your debut, but to me, both these guys are losers.
Downs: Give them a chance Louis, and stop being a jackass!

Maloney gets to his feet again and James whips him across the ring, looks for the dropkick, but Maloney holds onto the ropes and James crashes to the mat. Maloney dives over James into the bridge pinning predicament but NO, James kicks out at 2. Maloney and James both get to their feet at the same time and immediately lock up once more. James gets Maloney in a side-headlock and is pushed into the ropes, and he comes back with a shoulder block, dives across the ring again and splashes James into the mat, then hooks the leg, but yet another kick out by James. James gets to his feet slowly, and Maloney bounces off the ropes, and OUCH! Both men connect with clothslines, and are both out on the mat. The ref starts the ten count again, but at around 5, Maloney breaks the count, and jumps out the ring. Seconds later, James has done the same thing, and they both are rummaging under the ring apron. Maloney pulls out a kendo stick and James pulls out a trash can lid. They slide in the ring, and the ref gets in between them. Both men shove the ref in the ropes, AND HIT EACHOTHER SIMULTANEOUS WITH THE WEAPONS! Both men are down, and so is the referee.

Downs: Both men connected there, and it looks like they each are busted open now.
Carvanelie: Ha, I take it back, this is HILARIOUS!
Downs: Oh shut up...

Both men are losing blood and stagger to their feet after a good two to three minutes on the mat, maybe more. The referee is still down as both men get to their feet, Maloney whips James into the ropes, and as James comes back, he kicks him in the gut, and lifts him up in a delayed suplex and follows it into a pin but the ref is shaking off the effects of being hung up on the ropes. Maloney gets in the face of the referee, and pushes him. The ref is pushed in the ropes and using his momentum, pushes Maloney back, AND JAMES ROLLS HIM UP BUT NO!! Maloney kicked out. Maloney gets straight to his feet, but James rolls him back into a small package and Maloney kicks out again. James swings for Maloney, but he ducks, taking James down with a neck-braker. James is pulled back upright by Maloney, who puts his middle finger up, kicks James in the gut, and plants James with a sit down powerbomb!!

Downs: Now THAT was impressive.
Carvanelie: It was okay I spose, but it was nothing special.
Downs: Louis for fu-, hey, what's Maloney doing?

Maloney is on the turnbuckle and he raises his arms to the crowd. A mixture of boos and cheers rain down upon him, as he flys off the top turnbuckle, AND HITS A SPLASH ON JAMES!! HE HOOKS THE LEG... 1...2...3!! IT'S OVER!!!

Downs: Maloney wins and picks up his first victory here at EWA!! James has got to be kicking himself after this one.
Carvanelie: Yeah, James needs to get back in the gym and train. Maloney with a win there, but there's a bigger battle to rise up the EWA ladder my friend, a taller, harder and more grueling ladder.
Downs: Very true, and we are anxiously awaiting the US championship semi-finals, as well as the Universal Championship match-up. What a night we have ahead of us!

(fade to commercials)

Office Summons

We come back from the commercial break to see the sweaty and bloodied figures of Andrew Maloney and Anton James standing side by side (looking furiously at each other) in Thurman Skydive's office. Thurman, sitting on Cyndi's desk, looks from one to the other, shaking his head, and finally running his hand through the bleached blonde hair...

Skydive: Do you guys know why I've called you in here?

The two shake their head, now realising they may be in a degree of trouble with the CEO. Thurman gets off the desk now, and walks along in front of them like a drill sergeant.

Skydive: So I need to explain it do I? Well I'll make it simple...do you two have any idea how much trouble you've caused the front office? Your guys stunts this week, your language, your ridiculous crap...do you have any idea of the ramifications and consequences of it?
Sure for you guys I guess you're having a good time. You're shouting the hell out of some guy who's running his mouth about you. But you wanna know what that crap does to guys like me? You run around letting all kinds of uncensored sh*t...you hear that? Notice the bleeping you f*ckin' morons? Here I'll say it again...SH*T...SH*T...F*CK...MOTHERF*CKER! You guys are dumb as F*CK...

In the arena the crowd laugh, but James and Maloney can do nothing but look from the floor to their boss.

Skydive: See your foul little mouths have landed this company in all kinds of trouble with our sponsors, and more importantly...with the freakin' TV network! I had the damn network on the phone this week threatening to axe Tsunami from their schedule if we aired any kind of stuff like that. Do you two idiots want to be responsible for us getting thrown off TV?

Again the two shake their head. The blood from one of their wounds is staining the carpet now...

Skydive: And I s'pose you were wondering why I made your match a Hardcore match. Partly it was punishment. Partly it was paying your dues. If you guys want to go places in this company, here's a few words of advice. Don't cross me, and entertain the people...you can go.

In the arena the crowd applaud Thurman's statement, as the two turn to leave. They reach the door, exchanging hating glances...

Skydive: One last thing you two...great match. You've got a rematch next week...Now if you gentlemen will excuse me, I have some more members of the roster to control...

Carvanelie: Now I'm all for laughing at those two...but Thurman Skydive seems determined to run roughshot over the whole roster. He's drunk on power Maura!
Downs: Will you shut up. You heard those two this week. They have potential, and a lot of unbridled aggression. But they can't go around cutting promo's full of inane profanity. It'll get us in trouble, and it'll get them nowhere in this company...
Carvanelie: And did you hear what Thurman said? He's the man that made their match a Hardcore match. He's trying to eradicate everyone on the roster with his extremist booking...god I hate that man!

Disciplinary Hearing
Cyril Acheston & Hells Angel

Back into the arena we go, and 'The Prisoner' plays loudly, and the crowd go wild as onto the stage comes Thurman Skydive. He looks like he means business as he walks to the ring. He strides through the ropes, and hits the tunbuckles, flinging his arms wide in salutation of the fans. Finally he takes a microphone from the ring announcer and waits for the 'THURMAN...THURMAN' chants to die away...

Skydive: Thank you, Thank you Pittsburgh! Now last week on Tsunami, it's fair to say I didn't take it easy. Hell, I came out here, and I got involved where I felt it was necessary. Now for some reason, that included dealing with Last Vengeance. Now these guys have a chip on their shoulder for some reason. These guys seem to think that because they say so, they're the dominant players in this company.
Cyril Acheston, the World Of Pain Champion, along with Hells Angel, a legitimate player in this company's past and present, and the currently injured Tornado. No doubt they are a talented unit, all of whom have the potential to become mainstays and money players here in the EWA...HOWEVER, what they did last week crossed a damn line...take a look at this...

Thurman indicates towards the tron at the stage. On it they show Acheston and Angel's assault on Thurman Skydive following the Cage-Acheston match, which Thurman referee'd, the previous week on Tsunami, from Skydive's home-state of New York...

Downs: There you see Last Vengeance beating the hell out of our CEO. Now whether you agree with the way he does things or not, that is damn sure not the way to get things done...and I have a feeling Thurman's going to read them the riot act on this one.
Carvanelie: Well we know what he likes to do to people like this. We saw him suspend Jordan Michaels...he threatened to suspend Hells Angel last week. This guy is out of control, and that may have unfortunate results for Last Vengeance here tonight...
Downs: As a sidenote right now, Tornado, who was injured last week at the hands of an enraged Butcher, we understand he'll be back in the EWA in a couple of weeks.

Skydive: So clearly Cyril Acheston and Hells Angel thought that would be a smart thing to do. I don't know, maybe like everyone else that's taken a cheap shot at me in my career. Maybe they're just trying to make a name for themselves off of ol' Thurman Skydive. I don't know, and I don't care. Alls I know is that tonight, Last Vengeance will pay the price for assaulting me last week.

Skydive appeared to be moving towards calling them out anyway, but he's interrupted, as Marilyn Manson's 'Fight Song' starts to play. The lights go low, and the boos from the crowd rise up as out walk the offending duo. Angel raises his arms to taunt the crowd, as Acheston points down at the World Of Pain title around his waist. Together they march towards the ring, stepping through the ropes in tandem, and immediately getting right in the face of the CEO. Angel reaches down and seizes the mic from him...

Angel: So what do you want Skydive? Are you looking for another ass kicking? You want another piece of Last Vengeance, is that what you're saying to us? You want Cyril Acheston and the Living Nightmare Hells Angel to come down to this ring for your little 'Disciplinary Hearing' and stomp your ass into the canvas again?

Skydive: Angel, don't push me tonight. You're already running a damn fine line boy. Don't think I haven't noticed you skipping on your promo time recently. And you came out here last week and helped this muscled-up piece of garbage assault me, even after I told you that you were dismissed for the night...

Acheston: Garbage? You need to watch your mouth Skydive. I don't care what Mike Victory tells you. You are not the boss of us. There are only two people who tells Cyril Acheston and Hells Angel what to do, and that's Cyril Acheston and Hells Angel. I am the World Of Pain Champion, and believe me, he IS the next United States Champion. You might have come out here with the intention of "disciplining" us...but you can forget about it. This right now, it's our time to tell you how things are gonna be done.

Skydive: Oh is that a fact. It's almost sad how deluded you two are. You see, I am the CEO of the EWA. That not only makes me your boss, but it makes me the man that can fire your asses for being insolent little sh*ts...much like right now. But firing...that would be too kind for you. If I fired you, you could just go and find work elsewhere. You could head off and compete for a rival company...and as much as I hate you two, I might as well have you making me money, rather than costing me it...

Angel: You got a point, or are you talking sh*t as usual?

Skydive: Oh I have a point...and my point is this. I was thinking, and looking at the two of you. I mean, Cyril Acheston, you're the World Of Pain Champion! How better to punish you than to strip you of the title? And Hells Angel, he tells me you WILL be the new US Champion? How better to punish you than to pull you from the tournament and suspend you indefinitely...without pay?

Acheston: You wouldn't dare...

Skydive Wouldn't I. Ladies and Gentlemen...on behalf of the EWA...

But Skydive doesn't get to finish his sentence, as Hells Angel grabs him and lifts him onto his shoulders...AND DROPS HIM FOR THE SECOND WEEK RUNNING WITH THE LIVING NIGHTMARE! His spine is drilled against the mat hard, complete with boos and yells of abhorrence and disapproval from the crowd. But Last Vengeance aren't done yet. Hells Angel pulls Thurman up...and throws him straight into the Final Shot from Acheston...BEFORE LOCKING HIM INTO THE ANGEL LOCK!

Downs: NO...NO! Last Vengeance are assaulting the CEO again. This is disgusting. And damnit Skydive was about to take action to stop acts just like this. Cyril Acheston and Hells Angel have to be stopped!
Carvanelie: Why have they got to be stopped? They're two of the biggest stars in this company, and two thirds of the most powerful faction the EWA has ever seen!
Downs: Why the hell are they laying waste to Thurman Skydive in the middle of the ring, Louis? They make me sick....HEY WAIT A MINUTE WHAT IS THIS??

The crowd start screaming and cheering, as in the midst of the assault, the arena lights go out. Rammstein's 'Sonne' blasts across the PA system...and the sold out arena has absolutely no idea what's going on. Finally a sole blue spotlight shines on a figure in the rafters...COMING DOWN TO THE RING ON A HARNESS!

Carvanelie: What the hell is this about Maura? You're the play-by-play chick...what's going on?
Downs: I...no way...it can't be. But it looks like...
Carvanelie: I...HOLY SH*T IT IS!!
Downs: RACHEL PITT IS BACK IN THE EWA...
Carvanelie: Damn what the hell happened to her? Did she go to a Rocky Horror party and forget to change back?
Downs: AND WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING HERE??

Acheston and Angel have left Thurman Skydive sitting on his ass. He is leaning against the bottom turnbuckle, sitting Raven-style, as he, along with both members of Last Vengeance watching as Rachel touches down in the ring. She looks from one Last Vengeance member to the other, a slightly deranged smile on her face.
She sweeps the long black coat she wears aside, and pulls out a Singapore cane! Before Hells Angel can even do anything about it she slams him hard in the ribs, then WHACK! SHE JUST SNAPPED A SINGAPORE CANE OVER HIS HEAD!

In the corner, Thurman Skydive smiles and laughs as his former tag partner decimates Hells Angel, then stands face to face with the World Of Pain Champion. Acheston takes a swing at her, but she ducks...THEN DROPS HIM WITH A BUZZSAW KICK! She stands over his body, looking down on him, before reaching down and pulling the World Of Pain title from around his waist. She looks at it with a fanatical stare, as Skydive takes the microphone again...

Skydive: Ladies and Gentlemen, the newest member of the EWA roster...Ms Lucretia Black!!

Downs: Lucretia Black...but...that's Rachel Pitt!
Carvanelie: I told you she looked wierd. Maybe she went to a Rocky Horror party...and got so drunk she thinks she's still at one?
Downs: Well whatever her name is, she just left Last Vengeance laying, has herself an EWA contract...and did you see the way she was looking at the championship belt there?
Carvanelie: Just watching a replay here, Maura, that really is Rachel Pitt. Did she get so wrecked one night and found out she'd changed her name the night before?
Downs: She...she looks different too?
Carvanelie: What has Thurman Skydive unleashed on the EWA??

'Sonne' is playing again as Ms Black drops the belt back over the unconscious body of Cyril Acheston, and backs away from the ring, rolling backwards out of it, and turning with a flourish. Her coat flies out behind her as she walks back to the locker room, leaving Skydive in the ring, laughing at the downed bodies of Last Vengeance.

Downs: Well we went from Last Vengeance on the brink of punishment there...to just flat out getting punished by Lucretia Black...or Rachel Pitt...or whoever she wants to be known as. This is as strange as it gets right here!
Carvanelie: Well Hells Angel best recover quickly Maura. He's got a commercial break to recover, because up next it's his semi-final match with Smoke! If he wins the match, he progresses to the final of the tournament!
Downs: And our Main Event is drawing ever closer! Cage defending the Universal one last time here tonight against Malinko. The anticipation for that one here in this arena is unreal!

US Title Tournament Semi-Final Match
Smoke vs Hells Angel
Hells Angel leads 1-0

Downs: Well next up is one half of the EWA United States Title tournament match. Hells Angel, the man who defeated Smoke last week with an assist from his stable mate Cyril Acheston, must now face Smoke again and this time Smoke says hes ready and will tie it up tonight and Hells Angel will go down tonight.


Carvanelie: Well I got to give the advantage over to Hells Angel. He's more experienced, he was the EWA Universal Champion, and he has a hunger in him. Which means he will attack Smoke with everything he can dish out and besides he does have Last Vengeance on his side.


Downs: Well don't let Smoke fool you. He has really stepped up his game and he seems to be more determined than ever. Who knows what might happen.

Carvanelie: Well now it's time for us to begin this big matchup.

The camera cuts to the ring where we see Marlon Marvels in the center of the ring about to introduce the next match for the crowd.

Marvels: This is a United States Championship Tournament Semi-Final Series Match, scheduled for one fall...First making his way to the ring�

The Lights dim, so you can barely see in front of your face. There is a certain calm around the arena. Then a Green firework shoots as The Ruff Ryders anthem hits, and Smoke comes out to the top of the ramp. He stands at the top looking around and then begins to walk down the ramp, high-5ing the fans, and signing autographs.

Marvels: Hailing from Bronx, NY , he stands in at 6ft 8 and weighs in at 265 pounds�He is SMOKE!!!!!

He then slides into the ring, and poses on the top turbuckle in each corner. He talks to the fans in each little corner. He then jumps down and gets a mic from the announcer.

Smoke: The time is NOW!!! Hells Angel get your ass out here right now.

Downs: Smoke seems to be in great condition for this match.

Carvanelie: This will surely be a classic confrontation between these two.

Downs: Yeah, and Hells Angel has got himself a handful to deal with.

The arena lights slowly dim out one by one, putting the whole arena into darkness. As Tool's 'Lateralus' begins to play, words appear on the titantron
No Remorse. No Pity. No Mercy.
Feel...My...Pain.

As the song continues to play, a blanket of smoke rises onto the stage, and after a short while, the rampway erupts into flames, as Hells Angel appears in the smoke, to a loud chorus of boos from the crowd. He begins to walk down to the ring, as more flames to shoot up on either side of him. Once he gets to the ring, he walks round to the side, and steps in, where he walks to the centre, and raises one arm to the air, prompting more flames to flare up around the ring, illuminating the darkness in the arena.

Marvels: Now making his way to the ring from Bakersfield, California, he stands in at 6 foot 7, and weighs in at 297 pounds. He is the one and the only Hells Angel, former Universal Champion.

Hells Angel taunts the crowd and then stands looking at Smoke dead in the eye. Smoke and Hells angel then begin taunting each other and Smoke slaps Hells Angel as the bell rings. Hells Angel grabs Smoke and whips him to the ropes. When Smoke comes back, Hells Angel gives a big clothesline that almost takes Smoke's head off. Hells Angel picks up Smoke and gives him chops to the chest. The crowd goes "woo" after each chop. Hells Angel then runs himself off the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Smoke wraps himself around Hells Angel from behind, lifts on Angel's shoulders, and drops for a roll up. 1�2�kick out. Smoke then immediately grabs Angel's head and keeps a sleeper hold on him. Angel tries to get out, but Smoke has it on tight.But somehow Angel is able to stand on both legs, and pushes Smoke into the turnbuckle. The two tangle up, and the referee counts. 1�2�3�Hells Angel backs away slowly, and then elbows Smoke in the head. Angel then gives punches to the gut of Smoke. He then delivers a snapmare into a dropkick to the back of the head. Angel goes for a quick pin. 1�2� Smoke has the shoulder up. Angel picks up Smoke again and delivers a big right to the head. He then hits him with another right, and another, and another. He then goes for a clothesline, but Smoke spins behind Angel, applies a full nelson, and lifts him in the air for a full nelson slam. Smoke hooks the leg for the pin. 1�2�kick out. Smoke then climbs the top rope and waits for Angel to get up. He does, and Smoke goes for a dropkick, but Angel grabs Smoke by both legs, drops him to the ground, and applies the Angel Lock . The crowd boos as Hells Angel puts full pressure on it. Smoke immediately grabs the bottom rope though, and the crowd cheers as the referee counts. 1�2�3�4� Angel finally lets go. He picks up Smoke and throws him over the top. Smoke hits his head hard on the floor. Angel then starts climbing the turnbuckle to the top. Smoke slowly starts to get up and looks at Angel who is now airborne, and gets hit with a cross body block.

Downs: What a move by Hells Angel.

Carvanelie: He's certainly giving Smoke all he can dish out.

Hells Angel gets up and grabs Smoke by the head. He then goes to whips Smoke into the steel steps, but Smoke reverses it and Angel goes head first into the steps. Smoke then heads over and grabs a chair. While this is all happening, the referee is counting. 1�2�3�4�5�Smoke then starts yelling at Angel while holding the chair over his head

Smoke then goes to hit Angel with it, but Angel moves out of the way, and Smoke hits the steel steps with the chair �6�7�8� Hells Angel runs into the ring and starts running the ropes. Smoke then slides back in, and clotheslines Angel when he isn't looking. Smoke then hits a leg drop on Angel and goes for another pin. 1�2�kick out. Smoke picks up Angel and hits a DDT. Instead of pinning, Smoke turns his back on Angel and begins motioning that the title is gonna be around his waist and the crowd cheers him. But all of a sudden we see Hells Angel getting up and the crowd is yelling for Smoke to watch out but hes is too late.. As soon as he turns around though, Angel kicks Smoke in the gut, and hits the Deadly Sin!

Carvanelie: DEADLY SIN! That's it.

Downs: Smoke just went down.

And indeed he did. Smoke is now knocked out near the ropes. Hells Angel goes for the easy pin. 1�2�NO! The referee looks and notices Smoke's leg on the bottom rope. He informs Hells Angel, and Angel starts arguing with the referee. An angry Hells Angel then picks Smoke up, and goes for another Deadly Sin, but Smoke gives a low blow with the referee not looking. Smoke then signals for the end right here. Smoke picks up Angel, grabs him from behind, and hits Up IN SMOKE!!

Carvanelie: There it is folks�

Downs: Smoke could pull an upset.

1...2..3... Smoke evens up the score 1 to 1

Downs: Wow Smoke evened up the score

The Aftermath

Smoke celebrates, falling to his knees, knowing he's pulled off an upset, and has come from behind! The score is 1-1, and he will take it to a third and deciding match next week. His challenge for the United States title is not over yet, and the crowd are applauding his efforts rigorously...as someone jumps the barricade from behind him and rolls into the ring...DROPPING HIM FROM BEHIND WITH A REVERSE DDT!

Downs: Oh come on! It's Cyril Acheston! Acheston is back out here for God's sake, and he just dropped Smoke with that DDT...
Carvanelie (laughing): And it gets better! Check it out...he's getting a chair!

As Hells Angel recovers on the outside of the ring, Acheston re-enters, and sizes Smoke up with the chair. The youngster is on all fours, and Acheston brings the chair down right between his shoulder blades. Smoke goes down on his face, and his situation isn't getting any easier, as Hells Angel climbs to the top rope brandishing a chair of his own. He leaps into the air, placing the chair under his arm...AND DELIVERING A CHAIR-ENFORCED ELBOW DROP RIGHT TO THE BACK!
That was absolutely brutal, and Smoke isn't moving. Hells Angel pops up from the mat, clenching at his arm and yelling in pain, as Cyril looks down at the two chairs, then opens them up next to each other. He indicates to Hells Angel, and together they pull the unconscious Smoke up...THEY'RE GONNA POWERBOMB HIM ONTO THE OPEN STEEL CHAIRS!!!

Downs: DON'T DO IT YOU SICK BASTARDS...YOU'LL BREAK HIS BACK!!
Carvanelie: Shut up you do-gooder trash, this will look so cool!

Smoke is lofted into the air, as Alice In Chains' 'Angry Chair' hits loud...AND THE CROWD BLOW THE ROOF OFF THE PLACE! Sprinting to the ring comes the Indiana Terminator!! Hells Angel drops Smoke and scuttles out of the ring, but Acheston doesn't get away in time! Pain Express pulls him in by his pants...THEN DDT'S HIM ONTO THE SEAT OF ONE OF THE OPEN CHAIRS!
'PAIN EX-PRESS' is the chant from the fans as blood starts to pour from Acheston's forehead. But he's not done yet! He looks down at Acheston, then shakes his head, slapping him into the Indiana Deathlock!

Downs: Can you believe your eyes Louis? Pain Express, the Indiana Terminator...he's out here, and by God he is raising some hell!
Carvanelie: Raising some hell? What's his problem? Why is everyone attacking Last Vengeance tonight Maura? Skydive...Pitt...this guy...Oh thank God here comes Hells Angel!

Hells Angel somehow finds the bottle to re-enter the ring, and looks set to break up the hold...UNTIL AN ARM IN HIS CROTCH DELIVERS A LOW BLOW! Pain Express' valet, Kim Extreme just nut-shotted Hells Angel, and the crowd are in hysterics. And now Smoke is back to his feet! This is completely out of control, as he points to the chairs, a sick smile on his face!!...as Thurman Skydive walks out onto the stage...

Skydive: Okay Smoke...as much as I'm finding it hilarious watching those two jackasses get their butts kicked...I am ordering you...DO NOT POWERBOMB THAT MAN ONTO THE CHAIRS!

Smoke raises his arms wide, questioning Skydive's logic...

Skydive: Listen to me son. I understand why you want to do it, really I do. But listen to me, if you do it, you put my US title tournament in jeopardy. If you do it, you risk ending that mans career. Why the hell do you think I didn't already remove him from the tournament and suspend him? He'll make this company a whole lot more money wrestling than he will in insurance pay-offs...DON'T DO IT!

BUT SMOKE ISN'T LISTENING! He hooks Angel's arms, and as Pain Express heads off through the crowd with Kim Extreme...SMOKE TIGERBOMBS HELLS ANGEL ONTO THE OPEN STEEL CHAIRS!

Carvanelie: He did it...sack him Skydive!! Come on...practise what you preach! He just defied a direct order!
Downs: And look at Hells Angel...those chairs are a wreck, and you can only imagine that the same fate has met his damn spine!

Skydive: I HOPE THAT WAS WORTH IT YOU SILLY BASTARD! NEXT WEEK...IF ANGEL CAN COMPETE...AS PER HIS OWN REQUESTS...YOUR DECIDING MATCH WILL BE A FLAMING TABLES MATCH. GOOD LUCK, AND IF YOU END UP ON FIRE NEXT WEEK...REMEMBER THE NAME OF THURMAN SKYDIVE...BITCH!

Downs: SKYDIVE SNAPPED...SKYDIVE SNAPPED!! He just made the deciding match in the series a Flaming Tables match! And for once I agree with you, Louis. Thurman Skydive's booking is getting too extreme for the EWA's own good!
Carvanelie: I never said any such thing, ho! That was a stroke of genius! Hells Angel can get revenge, and send Smoke's miserable ass through a table! Set the asshole on fire next week, whilst your at it Angel!

The show fades to a commercial for Adrenaline Rush with a final shot of Smoke on the second rope, his arms in the air. His music is playing loudly, as up the ramp limps a bloody Cyril Acheston, dragging his unconscious stablemate along with him!

EWA and Thurman Skydive present...
Adrenaline Rush
Monday August 18th 2003

Champion Elect

Downs: Welcome back to Tsunami everybody. And Louis, I really don't know what to say anymore. One thing you can say about the EWA with Thurman Skydive running the show...there ain't never a dull moment!
Carvanelie: Way to make yourself sound like a southern piece of garbage there Maura. You wanna know what I think about tonight?
Downs: No...
Carvanelie: I think everyone has way too much time on their hands. I mean, why is it that seemingly all of the roster wants to attack Last Vengeance tonight?
Downs: Well I can't say they didn't bring it upon themselves to be honest. But they have been involved in some shocking incidents here tonight! We saw the EWA return of Rachel Pitt...but by God there've been some changes in that young lady...
Carvanelie: Like her name apparently...
Downs: And could you believe two minutes ago we saw Pain Express hit the ring to assault Cyril Acheston? I tell you something, if that man has both Pitt and PE on his case, his World Of Pain title reign, and his damn career are in jeopardy...and...oh for God's sakes now what?

The entrance ramp begins to smoke as �Southwest Voodoo� by ICP begins to play. The Great Malinko makes his way through the smoke and down to the ringside with a determined stride�Bob the Cloaked Guy following behind happily. The fans give their usual unfavorable greeting to Malinko, throwing cups and booing the man as he walks around the ringside, however he does not leer or make any obscene gestures as he usually does. He only jumps to the ring and produces his microphone from a coat pocket.

Downs: Looks like the number one contender has something to say. I�m surprised though�usually he�d be giving these fans a piece of his mind as much as they give him.

Malinko: Silence! I have not come here to listen to you�re opinions of me�I know what they are. I�ve come to speak of what happened last week, when Thurman Skydive came down here to call out my attacker. The end result was a whole lot of people claiming the spot light that they had no right to.
Firstly I will address Last Vengeance. Cyril Acheston, you do not concern me! You and your punny stable have claimed I am only a road block to your reign of the EWA�You should concern yourself with your defence of the World of Pain title�a lesser title, as the same with Hell�s Angel. Living nightmare�YOU DO NOT CONCERN ME! I�ve destroyed you time and time again. Your time would be better spent focusing your mediocre wrestling skills on obtaining the US title�yet again, a lesser title� then worrying about how to bring me down. I move next to the Butcher, you have declared that you are the only one properly set up to hold the Universal Title, but once again I tell you that YOU DO NOT CONCERN ME! If you keep flapping you�re big yaw at the world, declaring your destiny of obtaining the title that I and only I have earned the right to challenge for, you will lose your match against that Eminem wannabe Davlin McCaine. I think we�d both be happier if you�d focus yourself on shutting his filthy mouth perminantly then if I had to beat you with in a inch of your life to prove to you how unworthy you are of even contesting for the Universal Championship. Thurman Skydive, YOU DO NOT CONCERN ME! You can act like a CEO if you want, and pretend to intimidate the wrestlers here, but my memory is long, and I recall what great impact you made in the EWA when you were here as a wrestler not so long ago�the impact being your face in the mat, Rachel Pitt saving your ass and giving you the only glory you ever obtained in this federation. To you I say stay out of my way or I will go through you! And Lastly to my masked attacker, YOU DO NOT�I REPEAT, DO NOT CONCERN ME! It doesn�t matter what face you hide behind that mask, or how many times you try to climb into my head to cost me a match, cause when you finally grow a set of balls and decide to face me one on one in the ring, and I get my hands on you, I will crush you. No matter your name, your style, your size, I will END YOU! There is only one man who concerns me tonight, Christian Cage�I know you�re listening�You better be on your game tonight, I want no excuses this time, no re-matches, no whining. When I beat you tonight my hunt for the top will be over.

With that Malinko tosses his mic down and jumps out of the ring, �Southwest Voodoo� plays as he makes his way back up the ramp.

Downs: Big words from Malinko for everyone from Last Vengeance to The Boss, Thurman Skydive himself! There seems to be a determination to his step that says he means it too! Wait a second�did you see the entrance curtain move?

Out of nowhere The Masked Man comes flying out of the entrance hitting Malinko over the face with a steel chair sending him sprawling on his back. The masked man drops the chair and continues to beat on Malinko while he struggles to get to his feet. Finally Malinko gets up and blocks one of the masked man�s blows with his forearm. Grabbing the Masked Man by his throat he hoists him up in the air and drops him in a monster chokeslam down on the steel ramp. Wiping blood from his forehead he leans in close to the man rolling on the ground holding his back.

Malinko: YOU DON�T LISTEN TOO GOOD DO YOU? YOU DO NOT CONCERN ME!

Malinko looks to start an assault of his own when suddenly he pauses looking to the front row of fans where his new lady love is standing shaking her head. Malinko drops the Masked Man on the ground, and walks back to his locker room shaking in rage.

Downs: Could this be a new Malinko we�re seeing tonight?
Carvanelie: I don�t know�but something stayed his hand right there! I�ve never seen him restrain himself�Bizarre!
Downs: Well we do know that his latest pursuit, that young female nurse is at ringside tonight to watch Malinko in the Main Event. You...you don't think he's letting her opinions influence the way he's approaching this match do you?
Carvanelie: I really hope not. You women suck...all you do is screw things up! If Malinko doesn't leave as champion tonight because he was distracted by some broad in a kinky nurses outfit I'll scream. Christian Cage is filth and has disrespected this entire company. There's no way he can be allowed to walk away with our title belt Maura. Surely you can see that?
Downs: I see your point yes. I think it is a valid opinion, but I personally believe that after all that man has done for the EWA, he's earnt the right to walk away. He's paid his price and owes this company nothing. If he wants to spend more time with his family...how can you begrudge a man of that?
Carvanelie: Because this isn't just his decision to make. He's the Universal Champion. Certain responsibilities come along with that!
Downs: Well we'll have to agree to disagree...or as is more often the case - just disagree on that one. Anyway, this next match should be an intruiging one. For the first time ever it will be The Butcher and Davlin McCaine meeting face to face in the ring!
Carvanelie: Davlin's come to save the EWA, Maura! We can see the light...Salvation is at hand!
Downs: Thank you reverend...

US Title Tournament Semi-Final Match
The Butcher vs Davlin McCaine

As we get geared up for this one, we get a split screen of the two competitors as they walk down separate corridors towards the 'gorilla position', and eventually ringside. McCaine looks calm and relaxed, talking leisurely with The Xecutioner, and walking with a definite strut. In the other screen, Butcher looks intense. Water drips down his body, and he hits and kicks at several doors and boxes lining the corridor as he approaches.

Downs: Well I assume both men have their game faces on for this one, Louis. With McCaine it's hard to tell. He could actually be taking this match very seriously, and this relaxed, almost over-confident front is just that - a front.
Carvanelie: Maura, last night the guy was wasted in a hotel room in Albany thinking he could communicate through telepathy! He knows Butcher will be a walkover tonight! That man right there is the next United States Champion...
Downs: You know, I don't think Hells Angel will be pleased that you're kissing Davlin's ass and not his anymore.
Carvanelie: Well...Last Vengeance are still my favourite stable in the EWA!
Downs: Louis, they're presently the only stable in the EWA.
Carvanelie: Would you shut your mouth. You wouldn't want me blabbering all over national TV that you have a crush on Thurman Skydive now would you?
Downs (gasping in shock): You son of a b*tch...you gave your damn word you wouldn't say that on air!
Carvanelie: Ooops...oh well, what are you gonna do. Like anybody would believe me if I gave them my word anyway...stupid b*tch!

'In Da Club' - 50 Cent starts to play, and there's a surprising pop as McCaine walks through the curtain. Between the split-screen shot and the stage he and Xecutioner have been joined by Susie Vixen, and in between Vixen and Xecutioner stands the 'New Talent', a smile on his face. Throwing a baseball bat down the ramp in front of him, he leads his entourage towards ringside, hitting the ring smiling cockily as the crowd chant his name, and simply put - can't get enough of him.

Downs: What amazes me is the popularity of Davlin McCaine right now, Louis. He couldn't give a sh*t about these people, but they love him anyway.
Carvanelie: Exactly! Davlin McCaine is the shiznit, Maura. He's the type of man you should try to get with, not Thurman Skydive!
Downs: You know, just because you blabbered that, it doesn't mean you should keep bringing it up. You owe me a drink or two once we go off the air to earn my forgiveness mister. And Mr Skydive, if you are listening. I honestly am sorry for his unprofessionalism. I promise I won't let this interfere with my work...I hope you can just let me do my job...
Carvanelie: Seriously Maura...shut up and just...you know. Bow to Davlin or something!

McCaine is on his third lap of honour around the ring, not actually high-fiving any of the fans, just you know...honouring. Finally 'Kill You' starts to play, and the fans immediately boo loudly. Sitting on the ring apron now, Davlin is in hysterics as the crowd vent their hatred of The Butcher, as the former BCW Heavyweight Champion makes his way down the ramp...
But for all his fun and games, Davlin isn't waiting for this one to get anyway! As Butcher hits the bottom of the ramp, he jumps to his feet...and springboards off the bottom rope into a somersault plancha! It's obvious Butcher was coming out here looking to go off like a house on fire, but Davlin immediately took away all his momentum, and in the ring the referee orders the bell to be rung.

Davlin immediately goes on the offensive, pulling Butcher up, then suplexing him over back onto the metal ramp. The back hits the metal ramp hard, and Butcher lets out a loud yell of pain. He gets to his feet and takes a kick to the stomach for the trouble. Now McCaine gets a hold of Butcher's tights...and sends him head and shoulder first into the guard-rail lining the aisle! Butcher slumps to a seated position, leaning back against the rail, as Davlin puts the boots to him, stomping him in the face and chest.
Now he turns, and indicates something to Susie Vixen, who immediately makes her way towards the referee, taking his attention from the two competitors in the match. Now Xecutioner makes his way over, and in a second has thrown McCaine the black kendo stick he carries to the ring with him. The referee is still distracted, and McCaine looks down at Butcher...NAILING HIM RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES WITH THE STICK!

Butcher rolls sideways, crawling into the tech area next to the staging. He holds his face, yelling in agony at the force of the shot with the kendo stick. Jogging up the ramp onto the stage, Davlin points down at Butcher in the tech-pit, and the crowd give him an encouraging cheer! The referee is still caught up with Susie Vixen. He takes a breath...THEN JUMPS OFF THE STAGE! He soars through the air...AND SMASHES THE STICK INTO PIECES OVER BUTCHER'S SKULL!

Downs: REFEREE COME ON! Davlin McCaine just exploded that stick over Butcher's skull...and he should be disqualified, but that incompetent official is over there oogling over Susie Vixen!
Carvanelie: Are you kidding me? Listen to these people chant 'HOLY SH*T' Maura. This is what the fans want to see, why can't you just deal with it?
Downs: Because, whatever the fans want, I want what's right. The Butcher is down in that technical area with a huge welt on his head thanks to Davin McCaine's cheating. This match is in the US title tournament, Louis!

McCaine landed on his feet after jumping over ten feet to the floor, and he may have done some damage to his left foot, because he is limping slightly. Finally the referee is back with us, and he meanders into the pit, wondering what the hell's going on. The match he's supposed to be presiding over has broken down into a street fight in the first five minutes, and he has no choice but to let it go for now!
Davlin is still trying to get some feeling back into his foot, but he pulls Butcher up, and slams his head into the staging, then as Butcher falls backwards, Davlin poises...then scores with a superkick to the jaw. Butcher goes down like a tree in the amazon, and hits the ground hard, sending up a pile of dust from underneath him. Davlin now climbs up onto a huge speaker, and claps his hands, coming off into a big leg drop across Butcher's throat. He stays on the ground, sitting with a leg over Butcher's throat and smiles broadly as he hears the fans chant his name!

Clearly he enjoys hearing his name, but finally he gets up, and drags out a few feet of electric cable...then wraps it around Butcher's neck! Putting a knee in between the shoulder blades, he wrenches back...HE'S CHOKING THE BREATH OUT OF THE BUTCHER! The referee desperately gets in his face, pulling at his arms trying to make him stop as Butcher starts to turn blue!
The referee inanely starts to use his count, but McCaine isn't even listening...and it's up to Butcher to get himself out of this predicament. Looking around with a look of panic in his eyes, he sees a bottle of water on the ground next to his thigh. Unscrewing the cap, he reaches backwards - and throws the water into McCaine's eyes! It doesn't get the 'New Talent' off, but it loosens his grip enough for Butcher to get to his feet, pull Davlin towards him...AND DRILLS HIM INTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR WITH A BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!

Davlin moans, his eyes rolling back into his head as he puts his hand to his pained back. But he doesn't stay down, as Butcher pulls him up, and in a phenominal feat given all he's already been through...HE PRESSES DAVLIN OVER HIS HEAD! His whole body trembling violently, he turns, and walks back onto the ramp, and towards the ring.
As he makes it to ringside, Xecutioner and Vixen get in his face, trying desperately to make him drop McCaine...which he does...RIGHT ON TOP OF THEM! McCaine's entourage just got taken out of the equation temporarily, and Butcher needs to capitalise. But now it's his turn to get caught up listening to the fans. They let out a deafening chorus of 'BUTCHER SUCKS', and he gets preoccupied by giving as many of them the middle finger as possible. By the time he turns back to his opponent, he's already moving around. As Butcher looks to whip him into the ring-steps, McCaine reverses it...and Butcher hits the steps with a noise so loud it echoes through the Mellon Arena.

The pop for that is unreal, and Davlin turns to the people, and takes a big, stooping bow. They give him another pop, then scream loudly as Butcher rises to his feet, his eyes wide with fury. He charges at McCaine, who turns just in time to almost get his head taken off with a stiff clothesline!
Butcher shoves Davlin underneath the ropes, and for the first time the match has actually found itself taking place in the ring. Butcher stands on the second rope, leaning back on the top turnbuckle as he waits for his nemesis to get to his feet, before coming off with another hard diving clothesline. Now he hooks the leg and yells at the ref to count (1...2...kickout by Davlin)

Downs: Well finally this one has made it into the ring. This isn't even a match, Louis, it's a brawl. Davlin and Butcher hate each other, and we're seeing all of that hatred here and now.
Carvanelie: And I like this let anything go attitude of the referee, Maura.
Downs: He's not letting anything go, he's just too intimidated by the crowd to disqualify McCaine...or takes his eyes off the ball...
Carvanelie: And onto the globes of Susie Vixen?
Downs: Well all I can tell you is we're ten minutes into this match and they've spent less than two of those in the ring...
Carvanelie: And I don't think Butcher's hometown fans are too appreciative of his efforts huh?

As if answering his question, the crowd break into another round of 'BUTCHER SUCKS' as he starts disrespectfully treading on the face of the New Talent. For the third or fourth time he rakes his boot across Davlin's face...as The Xecutioner climbs onto the ring apron, and starts trying to gain entrance to the ring. The referee rushes over, cutting him off, as (to wild cheers) on the other side, Vixen rolls under the ropes...AND KICKS BUTCHER RIGHT IN THE TESTICLES!
His mouth opens wide, and either he's screaming at a pitch so high even dogs can't hear it, or he's in too much pain to even make a sound. From underneath him, McCaine rolls him up, and Xecutioner jumps down for the referee to count (1...2...Thrrr NO!)

'LETS GO DAVLIN' is the cry now as McCaine takes the referee by the shoulder and points at someone in the crowd, and as the ref looks away...HE STOMPS DOWN ON BUTCHER'S BALLS FOR A SECOND TIME! Now Davlin breaks into a Ric Flair style strut, before pulling up Butcher's leg...and wrapping him into a Figure 4 Leglock!
Butcher yells in pain again, slamming his elbows against the mat to try and gain some momentum to get out of the hold. Davlin looks across the ring smiling at him. He starts mocking Butcher, making duck noises, then he looks over at Susie...and he tells her to toss him his sunglasses! The crowd laugh as he lies back on his own elbows, pulling the shades over his eyes and settling back as if he's all set for a day on the beach!

Downs: Look at that cocky son of a b*tch! I can't believe this guy! He's in the middle of the United States Championship tournament, and he's out there acting like a clown...and a piss poor one at that.
Carvanelie: Please, he makes such a damn good clown, you can guarantee even Malinko would applaud him for this!
Downs: We still have Christian Cage defending the Universal title against Malinko to come tonight folks, but that's not the story.
Carvanelie: Nope, the story is that Davlin McCaine rocks!
Downs: The guy is a fool!

The referee gets into Butcher's face, asking if he wants to give it up. This gives Davlin the perfect opportunity to reach back...and he starts to gain extra torque on the legs as he pulls on the middle rope. Butcher's screaming intensifies, and he points back fervently at McCaine. But as the ref turns, McCaine resumes his 'sunbathing' position, looking at the official innocently.
The Butcher is in trouble here, and he lies back against the canvas...and quick as a flash the referee is down making the count. Butcher shoots his shoulder up right before the three...but it's met by Davlin increasing the intensity of the Figure 4! He hasn't taken the sunglasses off, but his face has changed to one of intensity, as he insultingly slaps Butcher right in the face!
Butcher again drops to the mat, and once more only just gets his shoulder up before the three. He's not far away from the ropes...just not close enough to reach out for them without one last desperate effort.

Screaming at the top of his voice, he lunges for them and makes it...NO HE DOESN'T! Susie Vixen, ducking down out of sight, is pulling the bottom rope back! She's keeping the rope out of Butcher's grip!! The crowd pop for this again...and Butcher is livid!
Rocking his arm back and forth like a wildman, he starts...AND YES, HE IS SUCCEEDING IN TURNING McCAINE OVER! The boos are just unbelievable as Butcher FINALLY rolls onto his stomach, reversing the pressure of the Figure 4. Now it's Davlin's turn to yell out desperately, as Butcher laughs sadistically!

Downs: Butcher is having to fight himself back into this farcical match...and by God he's determined to do it!
Carvanelie: Whether these people in Pittsburgh like it or not?
Downs: It's not about whether they like Davlin or not. There are rules for a reason, and at the moment Davlin and his two buddies are taking complete liberties...you see what I mean, Louis?

Downs question comes as a result of The Xecutioner again getting onto the apron. The official comes over, and this time Xecutioner stands towering over him on the ring apron. The referee looked set to berate him for trying to get involved. But one look from The Xecutioner told him that just wasn't a good idea!
Meanwhile on the other side of the ring, Butcher is still piling in the pressure in the deathlock-style reversal to the Figure 4. But Susie Vixen is directly opposite him on the outside, hurling abuse at him...AND FINALLY SLAPPING HIM IN THE FACE!

Butcher snaps at this, and releases the hold...HE'S CHASING SUSIE VIXEN! Her face is the absolute picture of terror as the 300+ lbs Butcher chases her around the ring. He's gaining on her, and she slides into the ring to escape him. Sprinting past McCaine, he nips up...AND DELIVERS A SPINNING HEEL KICK RIGHT IN THE FACE! Butcher goes down in a hurry, and it looks like chasing Susie was the wrong thing to do! Davlin McCaine has completely snapped!
He smiles sickly as Susie shoves a steel chair under the ropes, which he picks up gratefully. Butcher is using the ropes to pull himself up, and he has no idea of the fate that awaits him!

McCaine raises the chair...BUT THE REFEREE'S SEEN HIM! As he holds it above his head, the ref grabs it, and Davlin swings nothing but thin air into Butcher's craneum! And to Butcher's credit, he reacts in a flash. He lifts McCaine onto his shoulders...AND PLANTS HIM WITH THE BUTCHER'S BLADE!
He hit his finishing move, and he covers. But the referee is distracted momentarily, throwing the chair out of the ring. Finally he turns back to make the count (1...2...thrrr XECUTIONER PULLS THE REFEREE OUT OF THE RING!) The crowd are going nuts as the official looks into the face of the Xecutioner, who shakes his head. He wasn't going to let the man get the count of three!...AND NOW BUTCHER'S LOST IT!
He heads out of the ring and picks up the steel chair, and comes up from behind Xecutioner. He looks to take his head off...BUT DAVLIN BASEBALL SLIDES XECUTIONER OUT OF THE WAY! Butcher missed his intended target...AND CRACKED THE REFEREE RIGHT IN THE FACE!

Downs: THE BUTCHER JUST HIT THE REFEREE...AND COME ON THIS IS A FREAKIN' THREE ON ONE!
Carvanelie: What are you talking about? The Butcher just assaulted a licensed EWA official! He should be facing a disciplinary hearing next week Maura!
Downs: Are you high or something when you come out here and talk this schpiel? You are beyond question the most deluded man I've ever met in my life!

If it wasn't a handicap match before, with the referee down it sure as hell is now! Xecutioner turns...AND SPEARS BUTCHER INTO THE CROWD BARRIER! That had to hurt, and he now throws Butcher into the ring, then walks around the ring, helping Susie to pull a table out from under the ring.
In goes the hardware, and Davlin's minions soon follow, and they stomp down on The Butcher as Davlin sets up the table in the corner. He's done, and he points to the top rope. In a flash Xecutioner is lifting a barely conscious Butcher onto his feet, and sitting him onto the top rope!

Downs: Whether this incredibly pro-Davlin crowd like it or not, this is ridiculous. The referee is down, there are three people beating the hell out of The Butcher, and there's a table in the ring.
Carvanelie: I told you Maura - Davlin McCaine is the man. How can you not like his win at all costs attitude?
Downs: This isn't win at all costs, this is a mugging.

Davlin climbs to the top rope now, and hooks Butcher up in a suplex position. He points down at the table, and grins widely at the pop that his cruel intentions receive. He grabs the leg...AND HITS THE TALENT DROP RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE! Butcher is unconscious in the wreckage of the table, and right now McCaine isn't looking much better. Susie scrambles about dumping the shattered table pieces out of the ring, as Xecutioner lifts the referee and slaps him in the face, before dumping him back into the ring!
The ref is barely conscious, but he has enough of his wit about him to spy Davlin with an arm over Butcher (1...2...3!!)

Downs: Now this is ridiculous. You can't tell me that Davlin McCaine has gone 1-0 up in this Semi-Final? It took three people for crying out loud!
Carvanelie: Cry as long as you want, for as loud as you want, Maura! Davlin McCaine just used a masterful strategy, and whether it pleases you or not, he has indeed taken the first match in the series!

'In Da Club' plays again, although it's struggling to be heard over the cheers of the fans. Butcher has lost the first match, and Davlin enjoys the glow of victory. Xecutioner and Susie roll into the ring and help their man to his feet. The ref tries groggily to get through them to raise McCaine's hand, but Vixen turns and slaps him hard in the face, sending him flying to the canvas. The trio leave the ring and set off up the ramp.
On the stage they turn back, and Davlin raises his arms aloft, and looks back at the ring. Butcher is moving now, and he lies on his front, his ice-cold eyes boring a hole through McCaine's chest, right before the New Talent disappears backstage...

Downs: Oh look at the fury in that mans eyes, Louis. He knows he just screwed like a Bangkok showgirl, and I'd hate to be Davlin McCaine when Butcher finally catches up to him one-on-one!
Carvanelie: I guarantee you McCaine will have a plan for that eventually you silly fool. Davlin McCaine is a thinking man, and very soon he will be a champion of champions. Skydive designed this tournament to give some prestige to the US title...and what a prestigious belt it would become with Davlin McCaine as it's holder!
Downs: You know, I personally have to cast my own personal doubts upon the reality of that claim...but no matter, we'll be right back.

Next Week Thurman Skydive presents...
EWA Tuesday Night Tsunami
Target Center, Minneapolis, MN
Tuesday July 29th 2003
See The Backlash from Cage-Malinko LIVE!

Anton Attacks

We return from commercials to a shot of the dark parking lot. Walking across it, bag on his shoulder and bandage round his forehead is one of the newest EWA recruits, Andrew Maloney. He reaches his car, and presses a button on the keys, making the trunk spring open. It opens...AND A FIGURE JUMPS OUT OF THE TRUNK! It's Anton James, and he raises a tire iron...AND BUSTS MALONEY OPEN ALL OVER AGAIN WITH IT!

Maloney is down in a pool of his own blood, and he isn't moving! James laughs darkly, dropping the iron across Maloney's midsection, before closing the boot and taking the car keys - getting into the Scotsman's car! He fires the engine into life, and the tires screech as Anton James drives out of the parking lot!

Downs: I cannot believe I just saw that! Anton James just stole Maloney's car! These two rookies just don't know when to quit do they?
Carvanelie: For the first time those two morons just entertained me! Anton James just stole the man's car...what hilarity!
Downs: Oooh, but look at Maloney. He's busted badly. We need some EMT's out there and quickly. Louis, do you even think he'll be able to go in their rematch next week?
Carvanelie: Man I hope not...I mean...errr...who knows?

The Hype aka The Calm Before The Storm

Downs: Well Louis, it's been a wild ride tonight, but as crazy as this coaster's been so far, it ain't over yet!
Carvanelie: This is it Maura! We've waited for a long time to see this one, and finally it's here!
Downs: It's the biggest match in the history of EWA's v2.0, and it seems like everyone's got an opinion on it!
Carvanelie: Here's my opinion - Cage is showing blatant disrespect for this company, for the Universal title and for the fans. Malinko needs to tear him apart tonight if this company is going to maintain a shred of credibility after tonight...
Downs: I again go back to - after everything Christian Cage has done for the EWA, surely you can't deny him the chance to go out on top. He wants a family life, but is willing to fulfill his obligations before he goes. You can't help but respect the guy!
Carvanelie: He's walking away with our top championship! Do you want that title, and thereby this company to look worthless? Like I said, it would've been better if he'd just skulked off into the night and vacated the belt.
Downs: Whatever, Louis. Anyway folks, throughout the night, EWA reporter Buck Barlow has been in the locker rooms getting some of the EWA superstars opinions on the huge match tonight...here's what they had to say!

Buck with Andrew Maloney

Barlow: Andrew, it was your debut tonight, and you won the match, you have to be proud. I'd like your opinion on tonight's Universal Championship match between Christian Cage and The Great Malinko. You're new to this place, but surely even you can sense the tension and the anxiety as the match draws closer?

Maloney: You know what, sure I can feel the tension...sure it's a real big deal for the EWA. And for what it's worth, I hope they go out there, get their little kicks from having their precious match, and make the EWA a ton of money. But I'm not interested. All I care about is number one, that'd be me. Until it's me out there in the Main Events, and in the big Championship matches...I really couldn't give a f*ck...

Buck With Cyndi, Thurman Skydive's Secretary

Barlow: Cyndi, can you believe the atmosphere backstage tonight. It's unreal!

Cyndi: I know...like...wow man!

Barlow: So who's your money on to win the big match tonight?

Cyndi: Oh I'm not a gambling woman...urrm...whoever you are.

Barlow: It's a figure of speech. You know...I want your opinion over who's going to win tonight...Cage vs Malinko!

Cyndi: Umm...well I heard Cage wants to leave after this to go and have a family life. Now I am all for home-husbands mister...it's so new millenium!

Buck with Last Vengeance

Barlow: Guys, you've had a tough night tonight. Hells Angel, you lost to Smoke...Cyril, you've found yourself on the less than positive end of attacks from both Lucretia Black and the Indiana Terminator. But surely your thoughts must now be turned onto tonight's Main Event?

Neither member of Last Vengeance respond to him. They just look at him, apparently incredulous that he has the nerve to ask them such a question.

Barlow: You know...because...it's a huge...guys...GUUUYS!

Angel and Acheston have turned their back on him and are walking towards their locker room...

Buck with Thurman Skydive

Barlow: Thank you for your time Mr Skydive. I know you're a busy man...but I was just wondering if I may - who would you like to see win the Universal title match tonight?

Skydive: Buck, I've told you before. I'm the CEO, therefore I'm supposed to remain impartial in such matters. All I will say is, I hope they have a great match. I hope we get a clean finish, and I wish the best of luck to both men.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank Christian Cage for his dedication to the EWA, and convey my gratitude for fulfilling his obligation to compete in this match here tonight.

Barlow: You know, there are those here that thing he's bringing the Universal Championship and the EWA some amount of discredit by walking away from the company whilst holding the title...

Skydive: Everyone's entitled to their opinion. I would, however, point to the fact that he's here tonight, and ready to defend that belt one more time. Should he win the match, myself and EWA Chairman Mike Victory will meet first thing tomorrow morning to discuss the future of the Universal Championship...

Buck with Mike Victory

Barlow: Thank you for inviting me into your Skybox, Mr. Victory. It's good to see you here tonight sir...you haven't been present for the last couple of shows.

Victory: Well with Thurman fulfilling his role as CEO so well, a constant presence on my part is no longer necessary. I am, however, here tonight because like everyone else - I want to see Cage vs Malinko!

Barlow: So who's going to win?

Victory: It's too close to call, Buck. Obviously I'd love to see Christian win. It's his last night with the company, and after he's given so much, it'd be fantastic to see him gain one last triumph. On the other hand, Malinko's been on an unstoppable role since Scars And Stripes...who'd bet against him?

Buck with Davlin McCaine (live)

Barlow: Davlin...we are just moments away from Christian Cage's final defence of the EWA Universal Championship. Would you like to see him retain it one last time here in Pittsburgh tonight?

McCaine: Errr...whoever you are...Aren't you here to interview me about my match?

Barlow: No sir. I've been backstage all night getting people's opinions on the Cage-Malinko match...

McCaine: But now you've come to interview me about my victory over The Butcher right?

Barlow: No sir...

McCaine: You've not come to talk to me about my destruction of that fat piece of sh*t. You've not come to interview me about the way I outsmarted his tiny-minded self for the second week running?

Barlow: No...about Cage and Malinko...

McCaine: Get out of my face junior...who cares about those guys? Davlin McCaine is your next United States Champion...biiiiiiiitch!

(back at ringside...)

Downs: Thanks Buck...nice work there.
Carvanelie: Nice work? He's been backstage all night and the only person he got to express an opinion either way was Thurman Skydive's secretary, who sounds like she has the IQ about on a par with road kill!
Downs: Oh come on...give the kid a break. He's been backstage trying to get opinions from guys with more ego than sense! But no matter, here we go Louis!
Carvanelie: Oohhh yes! People - sit back and fasten your seatbelt. This one's going to be a bumpy ride!
Downs: It's Cage and Malinko...the Universal title on the line...here we go!

Universal Championship Match
Christian Cage (c) vs The Great Malinko

The arena lights go out, and Insane Clown Posse's 'Southwest Voodoo' plays across the arena. Normally Malinko would expect to be greeted with an absolute torrent of abuse from the fans as he steps through the curtain, and he gets a lot of boos, but the majority of the crowd audibly suck in their breath, feeling the tension of the moment. Whether they like Malinko or not, they're about to witness EWA history, and he is a part of it. Even he doesn't seem to be his usual exhuberrant self. He strides purposefully towards the ring, and slides under the ropes, looking out at the mysterious (and beautiful) nurse, who's attention he hopes to seek, and adulation he hopes to earn by winning the Universal title here and now.

Carvanelie: He looks ready doesn't he Maura? He doesn't look like he might be letting that woman get inside his head and take his focus off the match right?
Downs: Who knows what goes on inside Malinko's head. All I know is, he's wrestling a Christian Cage who for the first time in a long time, has nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Carvanelie: Malinko is fighting for the Universal Championship, and for the pride of the EWA. I fully expect you to be supporting him one hundred percent in this match Maura.
Downs: Then you fully expect wrong. After everything's he's done in the EWA, this is Christian Cage's swansong...AND HERE HE COMES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...WOULD YOU JUST LISTEN TO THIS OVATION!

'Seek And Destroy' - Metallica is what's booming over the speakers, and through the curtain one last time steps Christian Cage! The crowd are blasting the roof of the Mellon Arena all the way into New York state for the arrival of the Universal Champion, and he thumps his heart repeatedly, high-fiving as many people as possible as he makes his way down the ramp.

Downs: There you see him. He's on his final walk to an EWA ring. We are witnessing history in the making. I can't believe the tension and anticipation in this arena.
Carvanelie: You know what I'd really like right now, Maura...a Cherry Coke...
Downs: Are you thirsty or something? You have water right in front of you...
Carvanelie: No, I want a can of soda to throw at Cage then blame it on a fan. This guy makes me sick. He makes me want to hurl right on the ugly kid sitting behind me!
Downs: Oh please, he's not that ugly. Not anything that a wash, a comb through his hair and...ewww...about ten thousand dollars worth of dentistry can't fix...

The music by this point has faded away, and has been replaced by an enormous roar from the fans. And EWA Senior Official Bill Morris points to the timekeeper, who rings the bell. If it's even possible, the roar from the crowd gets louder as the two circle each other. The battle for the Universal title is underway, and the amount of flashbulbs going off is immeasurable.
You could be forgiven for thinking there was a nod of respect between the two long term rivals as they go on one last circle around each other...before butting heads in an inTENSE lock-up. They already appear to be sweating profusely as they jockey for position and superiority in this battle. Malinko looks to work Cage into a headlock, but Cage rolls away from the grip, and takes Malinko's left arm into a hammerlock. He pulls back briefly, but soon finds himself flying over Malinko's shoulder as he gets taken over with a snapmare.
Malinko looks to drop an elbow, but Cage moves out of the way, and bounds to his feet immediately, then drops to look for a leg drop. But Malinko moved this time, and from the ground he swings a kick for Cage's face. Cage lies flat on the mat and avoids the kick. Nipping up, he shoots himself of the ropes and comes back, ducking under an attempted huge right hand from the challenger. He comes off the opposite ropes and looks for a dropkick. Malinko swats the attempt away, then pulls Cage up, finally securing the headlock he was looking for earlier. But Cage breaks free, pushing him to the ropes. Malinko shoots back, and goes under the leapfrog. From the other side, and Cage goes low, looking for a drop toehold. Malinko jumps over that attempt, looking for a leg drop of his own. This time it's Cage moving out of the way, and amazingly, Cage offers Malinko a hand, and pulls his opponent to his feet!

Downs: A wonderful display of technique and athleticism from those two there...and nice sportsmanship from Cage there.
Carvanelie: Awww bless...is the pussy feeling all sporting in his last match. I guarantee you the only reason he's doing this is for a nice big fat paycheck.
Downs: For God's sake show some respect!
Carvanelie: Where it's due I most certainly will! In Cage's case...I don't feel he deserves any respect. The man is single-handedly throwing a shadow over the company here in now. Malinko is the sunshine...burn that f*cker up Malinko!

For the second time the two visually size each other up, before going into another titan-like collar-and-elbow tie-up. Once again Malinko goes to the side headlock, but this time gets a volley of forearms to the kidney. Cage breaks the hold, and as Malinko turns, Cage takes him to the mat with an arm drag. Malinko hits the mat, but gets to his feet, and as Cage follows him in, he drags him to the mat with an armbar takedown, and holds the armbar in for a few seconds, then getting to his feet, pulling Cage up with him and acknowledging the applause of the fans. He makes a special glance into the crowd at ringside, and spies the nurse he's so fond of giving him a generous hand as well.
The crowd break from applause to 'LETS GO CAGE', as Malinko extends his hands, looking for a Greco-Roman knucklelock - he wants to test Cage's strength! The crowd are as suspicious as Cage, who only with great reluctance, cautiously moves his hands towards Malinko's.

Finally they clamp hands, and their chests crash together as both tries desperately to gain an advantage. Malinko is the bigger of the two, but it seems like Cage's lack of size is giving him a manoeuverability advantage here! He looks to be working himself into an advantage, his own knuckles and fingers applying all the pressure on The Great Malinko! The crowd are loving it...as Malinko drops to his knees, pain etched all over his face. Morris is getting in Malinko's business, asking him if he wants to give it up. Malinko starts telling him to put his head somewhere...but catches a glimpse of the nurse and just shakes his head, grimacing continuously.
He puts up a knee, and presses up from it, enduring still more pain to get back to his feet...AND HE'S STARTING TO COUNTER CHRISTIAN CAGE! He's working his hands up and around...yes! It's Malinko applying all the pressure now, and Cage is in trouble. But he steps through their knuckles, and jerks Malinko over his own shoulders to the mat! Stepping through again, he drops an leg over the arm, stretching Malinko's shoulder joint.

Cage gets to his feet again, and waits for Malinko to return to a vertical base. Malinko looks for a forearm, but Cage ducks under it...and he drops Malinko hard with a belly to back suplex! The ring shook with the force of that one, and Cage looks for a cover. Malinko kicks out before the referee had dropped to count, but the signal of intent was there. Cage is through with the wrestling and the feeling each other out...he's ready for the fight to start!
Malinko gets back to his feet, and he starts swinging for a right hand at Cage, and it would have caught him full-flush on the jaw...but Malinko stopped mid-swing! He looks across briefly at the nurse, the grabs Cage's arm, wrenching it tight, making Cage yell out...

Carvanelie: What the...what the hell was that? Why wouldn't Malinko hit him?
Downs: I...you don't think. You don't think Malinko's adopting his style here and now to make that nurse think he's a really a nice guy?
Carvanelie: Please...no...say it ain't so? The pride and respectability of the entire company rests on the shoulders of a lovesick man??
Downs: If you want to look at that way, it would appear so...

Cage reverses the arm wrench, then goes behind in a waistlock, lifting Malinko off the mat, then dropping him face-first onto it, in an amateur-style takedown...then riding in circles around Malinko's back to applause from the fans!
He gets up, and lets Malinko up as well. Cage holds his arms wide...it's clear he came to fight and wants Malinko to do the same. Now the two walk across the ring and it's time for a staredown. The two are sweating bullets by this point, and after six or seven minutes of straight wrestling, the crowd are intrigued to see what's going to happen next. The trash talking has started now...well Cage is talking trash. Malinko is just standing there, shaking his head and looking with pure (yet restrained) fury into the champion's eyes. Cage is losing his cool at the uncharacteristically controlled behaviour of The Great Malinko...AND HE SLAPS HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE! The 'OOOH' from the crowd is clearly audible...yet still Malinko isn't snapping! Cage can't believe it, and he reaches back AND SLAPS MALINKO IN THE FACE FOR A SECOND TIME!

Malinko blinks, and clenches his fists so tight they're pure white and shaking vigorously. But still he isn't rising to Cage's provocation...and Cage is through with it! Out of nowhere he jumps on top of his challenger forcing him to the ground and pummeling him with a flurry of stiff shots to the face. The crowd noise has re-risen to deafening levels as Cage hammers away. Malinko manages to get his legs up...and he monkey flips Cage through the middle rope, and Cage hits the arena floor with a thud.
What is obvious as Malinko gets to his feet and cups his head in his arms, is that he's struggling to maintain his composure here. He knows the Universal title is on the line, and he's aching to let loose and go at it hammer and tongs with Christian Cage...but something's stopping him. Periodically he looks over at the smiling nurse in the crowd, and somehow he finds the will to restrict himself...as Cage sweeps his legs out from under him and drags him to the outside!
He grabs Malinko by the hair and slams his face into the top of the crowd barrier, then hangs him over it, before climbing onto the barrier himself, then coming off into a bionic elbow right into the exposed small of the back. Malinko comes backwards, clutching at his spine, as Cage spears him in the midsection, forcing him back into the side of the ring with a sickening crack.

He leans his head against the bottom rope, moaning aloud, as Cage starts peppering his face and body with hard rights and lefts. Cage screams 'HIT ME' at the top of his voice, begging Malinko to take a swing...AND FINALLY MALINKO BLOCKS A RIGHT HAND! Is he about to lose his patience? NO...and the crowd groan as Malinko puts Cage into a bearhug!
Malinko lifts Cage into the air and looks towards the ringpost. He runs towards it, apparently looking set to drive Cage's back against it, but he changes his mind! He stops just inches short, and literally screams in frustration! Cage has the opportunity he needed, and he grabs onto the middle rope, and pulls himself free of the bearhug, and onto the ring apron. He looks down at Malinko and dives at him...BUT IT'S COUNTERED INTO A POWERSLAM ONTO THE ARENA FLOOR!

Carvanelie: Well at least he's got some offence in...but Maura will somebody please throw that goddamn nurse out of the building? Malinko is out here acting like an idiot...and the pride of Extreme Wrestling Action is on the line!
Downs: Oh come on Louis...that was a pretty extreme bearhug!
Carvanelie: Will you drop your pro-Cage BS for a second and at least admit that that b*tch in the crowd is ruining the match...
Downs: Point taken I guess. Malinko's attitude to this match is damn sure not going to win him any Universal titles!

But Cage has at least been hurt with that powerslam! He is down on the floor writhing in pain, and Malinko lifts him up and rolls him inside. Cage lies flat on his back, and Malinko stands over him. Malinko takes hold of both Cage's legs...and just for a second it looked like he was going to finally take the gloves off and stomp on Cage's testicles - but instead he steps through, and rolls Cage over into a Sharpshooter!
Cage is too close to the ropes though, and he makes it to them pretty quickly, then rolls back to the outside, breathing heavily now and stretching his back out. Malinko looks out on the crowd as they chant Cage's name, and he really is struggling now. He jumps to the top rope...AND FLIES FROM THE TOP INTO A CROSS BODY ON THE CHAMPION! Cage goes down in a heap...but how much did that take out of Malinko as well?
Both men lie flat out on the floor, breathing heavily as they both catch their first real breathers since the start of the match. It's Malinko that gets to his feet first, and he pulls Cage up, and scores with a couple of forearms, not full-blown, closed-fist right hands, but legal forearms...then backs off. He looks for a run at Cage...who moves aside...AND SENDS MALINKO INTO THE TIMEKEEPERS TABLE! The fragile silver box-like structure smashes into oblivion under the force of the attempted spear from Malinko, and he lies in a mess on the floor, the ringbell, the title belt, pieces of paper and bottles of water lying all around them.

Cage picks up a bottle of water, and takes a deep swig, then throws the bottle into the crowd, pulling Malinko up...then smashing his face down against Downs and Carvanelie's announce table. Malinko comes up and backwards, his eyes rolling all kinds of crazy directions in his head. Cage jumps onto the announce table...AND MISSILE DROPKICKS OFF OF IT! He scored with the kick right into the chest, and Malinko goes backwards...right into the ringsteps!
They become dislodged with a crash, and Cage takes this as his cue to use them! He pulls up the upper piece of the steps, and lifts them high...HE WANTS TO DROP THEM RIGHT ONTO MALINKO'S HEAD!...BUT MALINKO MOVED! He just saved his own skull there, and as he gets to his feet he grabs Cage...AND S-FACTORS HIM ONTO THE RINGSTEPS! In an ironic twist, given that Cage's long-time Revolution X partner was John Steele, he just hit Steele's move onto the ring steps...and he's busted Cage open!
The crowd boo loudly, but it's nothing to the reaction of The Great Malinko! He slams his hands against the mat in frustration, and looks out at his nursely sweetheart, who has a less than approving look on her face. Cage has been knocked silly, and Malinko lifts him into the ring, at least hoping to get the match over with and be able to go his locker room and rectify the damage. He covers (1...2...thrr KICKOUT!)

There's no way Christian Cage is done yet, and he gets to his feet, touching his forehead, and looking at the blood on his fingertips. Now looking to Malinko, he smiles and applauds him. Turning to the nurse in the crowd, he points to the wound with a knowing smile on his face. Malinko holds his arms up, shaking his head...proclaiming it was an accident. But Cage has turned his back on Malinko, and even in Malinko's present state that's a bad idea. The challenger for the Universal title grabs him round the waist...and lifts him over into a German suplex with a bridge (1...2...kickout again!)
Malinko hits the canvas again, this time out of frustration that he didn't get the three count. He gets to his feet, and reaches for one of Cage's legs. He spins it around his own, wrenching hard into the spinning toehold. Now he snaps to the canvas, bumping himself to pull hard on Cage's leg. Cage screams in pain, his eyes wide open as Malinko gets to his feet...and does it for a second time! Cage finally lifts his free leg and breaks the hold with a boot placed right into the forehead of The Great Malinko. Malinko falls back against the ropes, and he comes back...and gets lifted onto Cage's shoulders! He's looking for the Event Horizon here...but Malinko rolls off the shoulders, spinning Cage round...AND SCORING WITH THE EVENT HORIZON! He's made a habit of hitting Cage with his own finishing move...but he's unlucky as Cage hits the mat and bounces under the bottom rope to the outside!

Malinko knows that if Cage was still in the ring he could've had three, but he looks at the barely moving figure of his opponent on the outside, and knows he has to continue the fight. He rolls under the ropes after Cage, and grabs his leg again, lifting it into the air...AND DROPPING IT HARD AGAINST THE FLOOR! He does it a second...a third...a fourth...AND BY GOD FIVE TIMES HE SLAMMED CAGE'S LEG AGAINST THE UNFORGIVING, BARELY PROTECTED FLOOR!
Finally he's starting to show some of that renowned Malinko mean-streak...and he suddenly realises it! This time he doesn't even look at the nurse, merely pulling Cage up, and right there on the arena floor, despite the pleas of Bill Morris, puts the champion into an abdominal stretch! Cage screams again...but counters quickly with a hiptoss. Malinko hits the mat, but he's not out of the fight, and he grabs hold of Cage's boot and sweeps the foot from under him. Standing on Cage's knees now, he hits a couple of open-palm slaps to the kidneys to force the arms back...SURFBOARD ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!

Carvanelie: You want to know what's truly ridiculous about this Maura? The Great Malinko is holding so much back, and he's still giving Cage a huge run for his money here.
Downs: And you can't deny this is good officiating from Bill Morris. We don't want some horsecrap count out finish to Christian Cage's last match.
Carvanelie: You've changed your tune...earlier you were begging for a horsecrap finish in the McCaine-Butcher match!
Downs: That's because Davlin and Co. were flagrantly abusing the rules. Malinko is wrestling so in the rules right now it's getting ridiculous. He's not going to beat Cage like this...he can't outwrestle one of the finest mat wrestlers in the game Louis!
Carvanelie: That's funny. He seems to be doing just fine right now!

Malinko finally breaks the surfboard, and pulls Cage up by the tights, walking him round the ring, hitting him with the occasional forearm into the back. Out of nowhere, and right in front of the announce table he turns...AND THROWS CAGE INTO THE FLOOR WITH A SAMBO SUPLEX! That sounded painful, and Cage confirms that it feels as bad as it sounded! But Malinko seems to be losing it fully now. He yanks Cage up again and puts him onto the announce table, then walks around it, shoving Maura and Louis aside, before using their chairs to climb onto the crowd barricade!
He points down at a prone and helpless Cage with a grin on his face and looks all set to jump...until the nurse catches his eye! She looks almost distraught at the prospect of Malinko being the type of man to put Cage through a table...and Malinko hesitates. The smile fades from his own face, and he motions that he'll get down from the guard rail...and he gets a smile of gratitude from the nurse...BUT CAGE IS UP!! He climbs onto the barrier with Malinko...AND HOLY SH*T HE PLANTS HIM WITH THE EVENT HORIZON THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!

Downs: OH MY GOD WHAT IMPACT!!! CAGE AND MALINKO JUST GOT DESTROYED...ALL IN THE NAME OF LOVE AND THE UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!
Carvanelie: And for God's sakes The Great Malinko has his priorities in the right order! I'm begging security to throw that meddlesome, vindictive skank out of the Mellon Arena. She's costing him the title!
Downs: Well right now Christian Cage doesn't look in any position to be retaining either! It's his last match, and he left it all hanging out on that move! Event Horizon from the guard rail, through our table!
Carvanelie: At least he's moving...Malinko could be dead!

Malinko hasn't moved since the table exploded underneath his and Cage's weight, whilst Cage doesn't look like he has a clue which way he's going. He's practically crawling around in circles, gradually getting closer to the ring, which he uses to pull himself back up. His legs are like jelly underneath him, but with a flourish he throws the ring apron aside...and drags out another table!
Referee Bill Morris begs and pleads with him to stop, but Cage probably can't even hear him for all the cheering coming from the huge Pittsburgh crowd. Cage sets up the table a few feet from the ring, then pulls the heavy and floppy form of The Great Malinko up. He lifts him to a sitting position on the ring apron, then into a sitting position on the top turnbuckles. Now Cage points down at the table on the floor, to more roars of approval from the fans. He slips between Malinko's legs...and he's looking to powerbomb The Great Malinko through the table, from the ring apron!

He has the challenger up...but Malinko's fighting it! He's regained his senses...but is it too late. He twists and bucks his hips...and works himself into the piggy-back position and...CAGE IS FALLING! Malinko grabs him by the head to steady his own body...AND HE JUST BULLDOGGED CAGE RIGHT OFF THE APRON...CRASH...RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE!
For the second time in five minutes the two men are in a heap amongst the remainds of what used to be a table, but as the camera zooms in on Malinko's face, we see him shaking his head in despair. He can't believe he just put Cage through a table, inadvertently or not. But he's got no choice but to go on, so after hitting the ground hard, he pulls Cage up and deposits him back into the squared circle.

Within moments he crawls in himself...AND GETS ROLLED INTO A SMALL PACKAGE BY CAGE! (1...2...Thrrr NO!!) That was unbelievably close, and the rivoted Pittsburgh natives moan and gasp at how close Cage came to pulling the win out of the bag there and then.
Malinko gets to his feet, and his face is the picture of rage. He beckons Cage up, then steps in...for another bearhug?...No, he lifts Cage over for a belly to belly suplex...BUT HE JUST THREW CAGE RIGHT ON TO REFEREE BILL MORRIS!
The referee goes down in a heap, and he just broke Cage's fall. The Universal Champion gets to his feet, kicks Malinko in the chest...then makes him intimately acquainted with the canvas as he scores with the DDT. With the referee down the opportunities are endless for Cage, and he rolls under the ring, pulling out a couple of baseball bats and throwing them into the ring...then a trash can...then a steel chair.

Downs: Whether Malinko likes it or not, this one is breaking down in a bad way. Morris is down, and Christian Cage has a successful final defence of that Universal title in site...you can only feel happy for him!
Carvanelie: The only thing I'm feeling right now is the urge to go get one of those bats and smack that nurse b*tch's teeth down her throat with it. She's sticking a fork into the damn EWA with her goody goody sh*t Maura!
Downs: Whatever she's doing...this match is becoming a damn marathon. Back and forth...back and forth. Despite Malinko's unorthodox style, how can we say it's not everything we hoped it would be! It's the fourth quarter, the Universal title is on the line...and don't worry folks. We're staying with this one until it's done!

Cage and Malinko are on their feet in the ring, and Cage bends down, picks up a bat...and tosses it to Malinko! Now he picks up one for himself and brandishes it with intent. Malinko shakes his head...he knows full well his nurse won't let him go swinging baseball bats around, and he puts the bat on the canvas. It rolls back towards Cage, who picks it up, and throws it at Malinko again. This time Malinko refuses to catch it, and it hits the ropes and falls on the outside of the ring!
Cage is in a fury, and he rushes at Malinko wielding the bat. In a flash Malinko pulls something from his tights...AND HE JUST SMACKED CAGE RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH IT! He just hit Cage right in the face with it...and it had absolutely no effect on Cage! Cage looks confused, feeling his head with disbelief that it didn't hurt, as Malinko stands behind him with a big smile on his face! He just hit Cage with...A TOY LIGHTSABRE!

Luke Skywalker he aint' and he spins Cage round, drop toeholding him down...THEN PUTTING HIM INTO THE MAKE A WISH!!! It's Malinko's version of the camel clutch...and will Cage tap?? The crowd are booing loudly, both at Malinko's toy lightsabre stunt, and the submission move. Bill Morris is back with us, and he's asking Cage if he wants to give it up. Cage has so little use of his arms from that position, and no use of his legs at all. He doesn't have anywhere to go. Desperately he edges backwards, the crowd willing him on as he stretches and...YES! He locks his feet around the bottom rope, and a sigh of relief comes from the fans.
The match will continue...and Cage just grabbed for a chair! He picks it up, and takes a swing at Malinko. But the challenger moves, the chair ricochet's off the top rope...AND SHOTOS BACK INTO CAGE'S FACE! The chair falls on the mat, completely unbeknownst to Malinko, as he grabs Cage...AND DROPS HIM WITH A CUTTER...RIGHT ONTO THE CHAIR!

He's made the headwound on the champion even worse, and Cage is out of it. Somehow Malinko gets the arm over for a count (1...2...Thrrr NO!!! OH HELL NO CAGE IS STILL IN THE FIGHT!)
Cage is still in the match, and he is refusing to go down here! Malinko stamps hard onto the canvas, then pulls Cage up...AND LEVELS HIM WITH THE EVENT HORIZON AGAIN! If possible that was the hardest of his four Event Horizon's on Cage in the last three weeks, and now he crawls over the champion again, this time hooking the leg (1...2...3 Yes??? NO...CAGE GET THE SHOULDER UP AGAIN!)

Downs: YES...YES...YES!!! CAGE IS STILL IN THE MATCH! WHAT GUTS...WHAT HEART...WHAT DETERMINATION! CHRISTIAN CAGE WILL NOT DIE IN THIS WAR FOR THE UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP!

Malinko is on all fours, pummeling at the canvas, completely dumbfounded that Cage refuses to let himself lose. But a smile spreads across his face, and as the camera zooms in close, he mouths the words 'EAT THIS SKYDIVE'. Nobody has a clue what he's talking about, until he pulls Cage up...AND HITS THE SKYDIVE SLAM ON HIM! He's stealing Thurman Skydive's finisher now, and he pushes the shoulders to the ground and furiously tells the referee to count (1...2...NO!!!)
Cage kicked out again...and by god he's going through an adrenaline rush of his own right now! He just got his his feet, and Malinko can't help but look on in shock. He has no idea how to beat this man, and...he's lost it! He swings a right hand at Cage...and that time he would've gone through with it, but Cage ducks...HE'S LOOKING FOR THE EVENT HORIZON ONE MORE TIME! He has Malinko on his shoulders...but Malinko slides off them again! He grabs Cage around the waist and lifts him into a spinning sitout powerbomb...and he doesn't know that the trash can is right behind him!...HE JUST POWERBOMBED CAGE RIGHT DOWN ONTO THE GARBAGE CAN!! It just got mutilated on Cage's spine, and Malinko is too dazed by Cage's sudden rush to realise what he just did. All he can do is go on instinct, which tells him to cover, which he does (1...2...3!!) Finally it's over!

Carvanelie: NEW CHAMPION...NEW CHAMPION...MALINKO IS THE CHAMPION...THE EWA IS SAVED!!
Downs: Damnit...damnit! Cage...Cage wouldn't quit Louis! The Make A Wish...the Event Horizon...the Skydive Slam...but my God that sitout powerbomb onto the trashcan was too much. After all the punishment he's endured in this match, Christian Cage couldn't kick out just one more time...

The crowd are in a state of shock, as 'Southwest Voodoo' plays again. Malinko is dazzled, unaware of the reality of what's just happened. Reality only appears to sink in referee Bill Morris hands him the Universal title belt...and raises his arm into the air! The Great Malinko is the new Universal Champion...and the great career of Christian Cage is over!
But Cage's is career is bottom of Malinko's list of priorities. He looks across to the nurse in the crowd...and he points down at the trash can indicates that he's sorry - he didn't know it was there!

Carvanelie: Tell the b*tch to go to hell Malinko. You can do better than some holier-than-thou moral bimbo like that!
Downs: How can you care about Malinko and his relationship problems when we've just seen the end of one of the greatest careers in not just EWA, but professional wrestling history?

Malinko looks desperately at the nurse...who smiles at him! She flashes the smile once again, then rises, walking out of the seating area and towards the foyer. With her gone Malinko turns to the fans...AND RAISES HIS MIDDLE FINGERS AT THEM!!
He shoulders the Universal title belt, and climbs out of the ring, looking down at it with a smile on his face. He's finally done it, and for the very first time, he's made it to the top of the EWA mountain!

Downs: Well I guess some begrudging compliments have to be made to Malinko. He is the new Universal Champion...he put up a hell of a fight, and he went the distance greatly distracted there. It's the mark of a true champion when you can pull victories out of the bag when your minds not on the job...
Carvanelie: And he may be on his way to becoming the greatest Universal Champion we've ever seen Maura!
Downs: Well there you see him go to the locker rooms...and Louis...at least admit that with Malinko as the champion, and out of the way, finally the story has to be Christian Cage?
Carvanelie: Sure it is...the man who failed in his sick plot to make the EWA and the Universal title look like a sack of potato peelings. Christian Cage can retire a washed up failure. Have fun playing with your kiddie, Cage...because you won't ever be welcome back here!
Downs: You disrespectful bastard Louis...I can't believe you'd say that!

Fortunately, in the ring Cage can't hear what Louis Carvanelie is saying. He can however hear thousands of people on their feet and applauding him for all they're worth! He struggles to his feet, looking down at the mangled trash can which would spell the end of not only his Universal title run, but his career. Now out on the crowd, and a tear drops from his eye as he raises his arm, then thumps his heart, thanking them and showing them just how much their respect means to him. 'Seek And Destroy' plays again, and the fans do their best to drown it out with chants of 'CHRISTIAN...CHRISTIAN' and 'PLEASE DON'T GO...PLEASE DON'T GO'

Downs (sounding tearful herself): How is this display of respect, admiration and love not touching even your black heart Carvanelie? Christian Cage is taking his last bow right here before our eyes!
Carvanelie: Well okay, I'll admit it. In his time he has been a decent competitor for the EWA. I just don't agree with walking out whilst you're the Universal Champion...I find it disrespectful. I'm sorry Maura, that's just how I feel...
Downs: Well regardless of what Louis Carvanelie thinks. Ladies and gentlemen...there stands a bona fide legend. I sure hope you're standing and giving this man all the applause you can muster at home...because he's earnt it...NO...HEY NO...NO AWW YOU SON OF A B*TCH!!

Maura's despairing cries come as from the back sprints The Great Malinko, brandishing a barbed wire wrapped 2x4! He drops the belt on the apron, then slides into the ring...AND HITS CAGE RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH IT! Cage is already a bloody mess, and that just made it ten times worse! This is the ultimate show of disrespect from Malinko, as he interrupts Cage's last goodbye to assault him! He is wearing Cage out...hitting him again and again and again and again AND HOLY SH*T ONE MORE TIME...and Cage has puncture wounds all over his body!
But Malinko isn't done! He tears the barbed wire off the 2x4...and starts wrapping it around his chest! Now he points to the top rope, and nods sickeningly. It's like he's in a trance...determined not to leave until he's made sure Cage is going out on a stretcher!

Carvanelie: Ohhh yes! The Great Malinko really is that damn great Maura!
Downs: Don't you dare laugh at this Louis...THIS IS ABSOLUTELY VILE...AND COME ON MALINKO YOU'VE MADE YOUR F*CKING POINT...GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RING ALREADY YOU SORRY SORRY ASSHOLE!

But Malinko is going anywhere but out of the ring. Instead, he climbs to the top rope and points down at the prone, bloody, unconscious body of the former Universal Champion, Christian Cage. Sucking in one last breath, he dives...AND HITS A BARBED WIRE WRAPPED FROG SPLASH!!! That was disgusting, and small drops of blood appear all over his own chest as he bends down and picks up the title belt. Standing over Cage, he points at the belt then to himself...before turning to the crowd and pointing to the space where his nurse had sit. He brings his index finger to his face, and tells them all to keep quiet about this...then holds the belt high as 'Southwest Voodoo' plays louder than ever...

Downs: Oh yeah...I bet you're real damn proud of yourself Malinko. You make me sick...and I look forward to the day when somebody kicks your Insane Clown Posse wannabe ass...
Carvanelie: CHRISTIAN CAGE IS DEAD...HIS LEGACY IS DEAD...MALINKO IS THE NOW MAURA...REMEMBER THIS MOMENT!
Downs: I don't think I'll ever forget unfortunately...good night everybody!

Credits
Show Opening/The Phone Call - Al Goodwin
Andrew Maloney vs 'PX2' - Dave Catena
Office Summons - Al Goodwin
Disciplinary Hearing - Al Goodwin
Smoke vs Hells Angel - Dale King
The Aftermath - Al Goodwin
Champion Elect - Adam Wrenn
The Butcher vs Davlin McCaine - Al Goodwin
Anton Attacks - Al Goodwin
The Hype aka The Calm Before The Storm - Al Goodwin
Christian Cage vs Great Malinko - Al Goodwin

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