EWA Presents: Tuesday night Tsunami
July 8th, 2003
Live from Dorton Arena, Raleigh NC
Tornado turns around to rile up the crowd as Steele runs at him
and gores him from behind sending Tornado to the floor. Steele
follows him out! Steele with a swinging neck breaker. Tornado reaches
under the ring and grabs two trash can lids and {SMAAASSSSHHHH} brings
them together over the head of Steele . Tornado rolls Steele back
into the ring and slides under the bottom rope himself. Tornado is
taking his time showing off for the crowd and Steele catches him
from behind with a savate kick) (Steele scoops Tornado up from the mat and sends him to the ropes.
Steele runs at Tornado and nails him with a clothesline sending
Tornado down to the mat hard. Steele picks him back up and hits him
with a crescent kick to the back of the head. Steele picks up
Tornado and tosses him over the top rope and down to the concrete
floor. Steele climbs to the top rope. Tornado is up, and DOWN fast
as Steele hits him with a suicide Plancha!) Tornado is back up and is a bit dazed and he grabs a chair from ringside and Steele doesn�t see him as he is mouthing off to the fans and BAMM!! Steele is hit with the chair and the chair is badly dented up.
Tornado continues to hit Steele as he slumps to the mat. Tornado picks
Steele up and powerbombs Steele
on the chair that is laying on the mat. Tornado finally goes for the pin and Steele kicks out at 1 and he rakes Tornado in the eyes. Tornado goes down and Steele motions that it is over as he sets Tornado up for the S-Factor but Tornado is just too heavy for Steele as he has been through a hellish match thus far and Tornado then picks up Steele for the Tornado Rider. The scene opens in the EWA medical facilities with The Great Malinko sitting in a backless hospital gown, his back still a mass of unhealed lacerations and yellow bruises but his arm is out of it�s sling and he isn�t limping as he paces the floor with an irate look on his face. Mike Victory is sitting at his desk, and Bob �the King of the BB�s� is sitting across the room reading quietly (like that was in question) the latest edition of Gun�s and Ammo. He is featured on the cover with his pellet gun.
(The Tsunami theme fades away, and pyro ignites, flying from the rafters towards the ring, drowning out the already deafening cheers of the crowd. One week removed from Scars And Stripes, Tuesday Night Tsunami is on the air!
After getting shots of the crowd, most of them holding up signs of some nature, we go to the announce table, behind which sit the two familiar faces of Maura Downs and Louis Carvanelie�)
Downs: We are sold out and we are live�ladies and gentlemen�welcome to Tsunami!
Carvanelie: And Maura, what do you think tonight has in store for us? For those fans who check out EWA.com, they�ll know that tonight is promised to be a night of major announcements�what the hell could they be?
Downs: I guess we�ll have to stay tuned like the viewers at home for that one. And of course we have tonight�s huge Main Event! After their spectacular Triple Threat TLC Cell Match at Scars And Stripes, Hells Angel, Christian Cage and The Great Malinko are in the same ring once again tonight!
Carvanelie: Cage takes on Malinko, with Angel as the referee!
Downs: We also have the World Of Pain title on the line�on the roof tonight! John Steele takes on the ever-improving Tornado as well�plus The Butcher taking on J what a night we have in store for us!
Carvanelie (as Survivor�s �Eye Of The Tiger� starts to play): And what does this bozo want?
Downs: It�s Mike Victory! The Chairman of the Board is on his way to the ring�and Louis, could this be the major announcements we�ve been waiting for?
There�s a decent pop for Victory as he steps between the ropes and raises his arms to the fans before taking a microphone from the timekeeper�
Victory: Welcome everyone to Tuesday Night Tsunami!!! (obligatory pop)�And tonight is not just any Tsunami, no. You see, what I�ve noticed recently is that this roster is getting increasingly out of control. From the guys cutting down on their promo time, to Jordan Michaels attacking Scotty Delrae at Scars And Stripes�and I�ve had enough of it! The boys in the locker room have taken one liberty too many�and I�ve decided that things are gonna change!
Carvanelie: Tough words�but I doubt he�ll back them up. Lets be honest here�Victory might be a swell guy, but he�s got all the disciplinary ability of a wet blanket!
Downs: Would you give the guy a break. He makes a hell of a point. I�m just wondering what he proposes!
Victory: So I�ve decided to bring in somebody who�ll take a more hands-on approach with the EWA roster. I�ve decided to bring in a man who�s seen it all and done it all in this business. I�ve decided to bring in a guy who understands better than anyone else what the boys in the locker room are thinking. Above all else, I�ve decided to bring in one of the greatest this business has ever seen to become EWA�s new CEO with full authority to act�ladies and gentlemen, the Chief Executive Officer for the EWA�THURMAN SKYDIVE!
Fozzy�s �The Prisoner� starts to play, and to a thunderous ovation from the fans, and a shower of pyro from the ceiling, out walks the man himself!!
Downs: What a bombshell from Mike Victory! The hardcore icon, the Thurmanator�Thurman Skydive is the new CEO!!
Carvanelie: Oh dear God! Maura, you wanna know what�s worse than Victory running the show?
Downs: I can guess where you�re going�
Carvanelie: Thurman Skydive running the show! What the hell does this idiot know about running a company? He�s taken like a million chair shots to the head�
Downs: He�s taken a lot more than just that. This man is a legend in this business. A multiple time World Champion, as well as numerous other titles and awards�and now he�s the EWA�s CEO!
In the ring Mike Victory applauds Skydive, then shakes his hand as Thurman enters the ring. Skydive goes to the turnbuckles, saluting the fans, as Victory exits the ring, walking up the ramp, and looking back as he reaches the stage. He has a broad smile on his face as he walks through the curtain, and Skydive takes the microphone�
Skydive: Good Evening EWA! Sh*t man, anybody would think you guys are pleased to see me as�YOUR NEW EWA CEO!
Downs: You got that right Thurman! Look at that Louis�that right there is a man who will reinstate order to the EWA!
Carvanelie: Control your hormones woman�you�re just looking at his crotch�
Downs: Well he is�hey, shut your mouth. Skydive is in EWA, and the power is in his hands!
Skydive: You know, I�ve been to a lot of places, and seen a lot of things. And now I�m here in the EWA, and believe me, I guarantee I will put this place on the map. You guys like EWA now? When I�m done with this place not only will you not recognise it, you�ll freakin� well love it�all or nothing baby � that�s my way. And with that out of the way�my first item of business�Jordan Michaels!
Downs: Louis! Thurman Skydive is going to address Jordan Michaels! Those two men are two of the most bitter rivals there are in this business�but what does Thurman want with Michaels less than two minutes into his new job?
Carvanelie: To make a pest of himself that�s what! Who does Thurman Skydive think he is? This isn�t hWo, this isn�t MCW�he has no business being here, and even less being the CEO!
Skydive: You see Jordan Michaels, you, at Scars And Stripes did something that I would�ve expected of you�but still, it proves you haven�t changed your ways one little bit doesn�t it! Now Michaels, get your punk ass�
Thurman is interrupted by the sounds of �Anarchy In The UK� by the Sex Pistols, and the crowd boo loudly as through the curtain and onto the stage saunters the Unstoppable One, a big smile on his face, laughing cockily as he looks at the ring and at the man standing in it�
Michaels: Well well, if it isn�t my old friend Thurman Skydive. I always wondered when it�d next be time for you to show your ugly face in this industry. Because you can�t stay away can you? No matter how past it you might become, you won�t go away. It�s funny, you have Thurmania, you have Thurmaniacs�and you�re a past it jackass who won�t sit at home and retire with dignity�see any resemblance so someone else?
Skydive: So Jordan, still fancy yourself the funny man huh? I tell you what is funny�if you spent as much time actually concentrating in the ring as you did making an idiot out of yourself with a microphone, you�d be like me � one of the greatest of all time!
Michaels: And I�ll tell you what�s even funnier than that � that time when I beat you two straight falls and stole your hWo World title, wasn�t that a funny time, huh Skydive?
Skydive: Yeah, no doubt that was hysterical. After all, you�ve made your entire career on that one match haven�t you? Of course, you don�t tell anyone about all the outside interference, about guys like Steve Blanchard getting involved and royally shafting me�but hey, you have what you have because of that one match�so why stop you now?
Michaels: What do you want Skydive? I�m a busy man. I don�t know if you watched Scars And Stripes, but now I�ve taught that snot-nosed little punk Scotty Delrae a lesson, I have better things to do with my time than stand in front of these morons and have a laugh at your expense�
Skydive: Coincidentally, that�s exactly what I want to talk to you about. Scars And Stripes, and you teaching Scotty Delrae a lesson. You want to know how much of a lesson you taught him Jordan? Your lesson involved breaking his neck�fracturing both his eye sockets, breaking his nose and giving him numerous internal injuries. Gee, what a great teacher you are!
Michaels (smiling sickly): Make your point Skydive�
Skydive: Well you�ve put one of the finest young athletes in this business on the shelf for a long time. Not only does that create a huge problem surrounding the United States Championship, but it leaves me with no choice but to take some form of disciplinary measure against yourself�
Downs: Well it sounds to me like the crowd like that idea�but Louis I don�t think Jordan does!
Carvanelie: Yeah no sh*t! And I think he�s getting into the ring to tell Skydive just that!
Michaels (as he steps between the ropes): Is that a fact huh old man? You�re going to discipline me?
Skydive: You�re damn straight I am boy�because as of right now you, my friend, are SUSPENDED!!
Downs: YES!! JORDAN MICHAELS HAS BEEN SUSPENDED!!
Carvanelie: NOOO�JORDAN MICHAELS HAS BEEN SUSPENDED�DAMNIT SKYDIVE!
The crowd pop big-time for that announcement, but Jordan is irate! He poises for a second, then launches himself at Thurman, aiming at his jaw with a SuperKick�BUT THURMAN MOVES! He spins round, as does Michaels � straight into the SKYDIVE SLAM!
The crowd go ballistic, and �The Prisoner� plays again as Thurman climbs out of the ring, slapping a few fans hands as he walks up the aisle, leaving the freshly suspended Jordan Michaels flat on his back!
Carvanelie: Thurman Skydive just assaulted EWA talent! He should be fired for that�call the cops or something Maura!
Downs: Why? It was self-defence! Jordan tried to nail him with the SuperKick, and he got what he had coming to him�he�s been suspended for the assault on Scotty Delrae, and by God our new CEO just established his new regimen with authority right.
We go backstage to the locker rooms...
"Butcher"
Evil and good... they go hand in hand...
Haven't any of you fools realised yet?
Evil has overcome good...
"Butcher!!"
It is you people who have made me who I am...!
I was a good guy, who only strove to become better.
Your bitter hatred, your lies, deciet and backstabbing
ways turned me into who I am.
"Butcher!!!"
Do you still not understand? Cannot you see what is
right in front of your eyes!
How many lies have you been told?
How many times have you been backstabbed?
How many times has goverment, power and politics tried
to screw you over?
How many times have you felt the blood drip down your
face, the tears roll down your eyes, and the sweat
beating off your chest, only to find that all your
hard work has been for NOTHING!!?
"Butcher!!"
It's true, listen to what I'm saying!
I've never, ever tried to be anything more than a good
I am not the insane one.
Everybody else is insane, not me.
"Butcher!!"
The devil has been riding my shoulder for years,
whispering into my ears, and I've fought and fought
the inevitable. If you would have realised sooner, you
could have escaped the pain. You still don't even
realise what is coming to you do you?
You still refuse to see the obvious!!
"Butcher!!"
Murderers, Rapists, Child Abducters, Con-Artists,
Paedophiles, Liers, Cheats...
It's all in front of your eyes, yet you defy belief.
Yes, I am evil. Yes, things are going to change.
There isn't a damn thing anyone can do about it!!
"BUTCHER!!!!!"
"What?!?"
"What the f**k are you doing?!?"
"I'm getting ready for my match, what do you want?"
"I'm just letting you know that Shadow has arrived at
the arena, thought you might like to know"
"Yeah, really, well, why the hell do I care? Am I
supposed to be bothered by another sneak attack? Am I
supposed to go shake the guys hand? What, what do you
want from me?"
"Butcher, I was just letting you know, relax"
"Relax? Am I not relaxed now? I'm fully focused and
ready for my match with J... in fact... I have
everything under control... everything... under...
control..."
"Butcher, what the hell is wrong with you? Butcher?
Butcher?....... BUTCHER?"
(But Butcher doesn't care for what the man is telling
him, instead brushing past him and sweeping out the
door. The hinges shake as he slams it shut behind him
and the camera catches up with him down the hall.
Butcher walks over to a locker room with J emblazoned
across it. He knocks loudly. No answer. He knocks
again. Again, no answer. He knocks once more, then
storms inside. He takes a quick look around and sees
that it is empty. Angry, he storms off, but just as he
turns the corner, he stops, as he sees J all ready for
the match, walking up the corridor.
Butcher smiles a
sick, twisted smile, and slowly approaches J. He taps
him on the shoulder, and J turns into a big cheap shot
by Butcher, who knocks down J. Stunned, J gets another
kick to the face, and this time he's busted open.
Butcher drags him up, but is surprised this time as J
pokes the big man in the eye, blinding Butcher for a
second. J strikes Butcher with a blow to the face, and
then rams Butchers face into the wall. J grabs the
Butcher and throws him at a door, denting it, and
Butcher kicks J in the gut in retaliation. They trade
blows and Butcher manages to get the upper hand, as he
viciously throws J through the door. He steps inside
the damaged ruins of the door, and J is busted open
and lying face first on the ground. Butcher spots a
steel chair in the corner, and a twisted smile spreads
across his face.
He steps over J and reaches for the
chair, but J is getting to his feet. Butcher looks
down disbelievingly, but J seems temporarily blinded
by the blood in his eyes. Butcher grabs the chair and
brings it over his head, but J counters with a
low-blow. Butcher is bent double, and J sweeps his
legs from under him, grabbing the fallen chair. He
swings, Butcher ducks and the chair cracks the wall,
forcing J to drop it. SLAP. Butcher places his hand on
Js throat, and insane look in his eyes, BUTCHERS BLADE
ON THE CHAIR!! Js body horribly cracks on the chair,
and Butcher doesn't seem to be done. He grabs J up,
and BUTCHERS BLADE AGAIN!! J is out cold, and Butcher
stands over him. "I guess that means we won't be
having our match now does it?" and he laughs his usual
hollow laugh, no emotion apparent in his voice. He
steps out over J, and exits through the door. As he
disappears around the corner, someone steps out of the
shadows. It's Shadow! What is his game?)
Downs: What was that all about? Shadow and Butcher are again spotted together in some form...
Carvanelie: And who are you to question them?
Downs: Oh whatever, it's time to go to ringside for our first match - Tornado has been impressive in recent weeks, but he has a huge task ahead of him. It's John Steele vs Tornado...here we go
Steele and Tornado is locking up and both men are determined to get the advantage, Tornado pushes Steele into the ropes but Steele pushes back then they begin throwing rights and lefts.
The ref gets in the middle of it trying to maintain order in this match
Maura Downs: This is a good match up so far a lot of action.
Louis Carvanelli: Tornado is going to have to watch himself in here
against a Veteran like John Steele. He can't make these kinds of
rookie mistakes
Maura Downs: True very true but Tornado is showing signs of improvement and talent I think being with Last Vengeance will be good for him I mean they are veterans Cyril Acheston and the great Hells Angel the man who will be the referee in tonight�s main event.
Louis Carvanelli: Lets get back to the action in progress
Maura Downs: Wow did you see that Tornado is a big guy and Steele was able to use his quickness and a surprise aerial attack.
Tornado stomps away on Steele. Tornado grabs Steele�s legs and spreads
them and then kicks him hard in the groin.
Maura Downs: What a low blow that definitely had to hurt.
Steele is writhing in pain and Tornado is laughing but he doesn�t go in for the pin he wants to add more punishment.
Louis Carvanelli: Wow what a match These two men put on one hell of a show.
(The show fades to black for commercials, and when we return, we are once again in the back...)
Victory: It's mandatory.
Malinko: Says who?
Victory: Says me, ass clown. Now just calm down.
Malinko: You just want to hold me down. That's it.
Victory: Look Malinko do you really think that I WANT to lose my main-event for this evening. Do you think that's good for me?
The EWA staff doctor comes out of a far room.
Victory: So what�s the news Doc. Can he wrestle?
The doctor shook his head slightly and put up a few x-rays up for everyone to see.
Doctor: I�m afraid it�s no good. There�s still a lot of damage yet to heal from last week�s match. You can see on the x-ray some of the internal damage here and here.
The doctor points to two darkish spots on the films and Bob points to a third one slightly lower down.
Bob�s Scroll: What about that one?
Doctor: No, that�s not damage, I must have spilled some of my jelly sandwich on there.
Malinko: So you�re telling me that I can�t fight?
Doctor: I�m telling you that I won�t clear you for your match.
Malinko: Is that so? Do you want me to prove to you how fit I am to fight?
Malinko walks over to the doctor threateningly with hardly a limp at all and grabs him by his lab coat.
Victory: Malinko...that enough. You aren�t wrestling tonight. If he doesn�t clear you to fight, then I won�t sanction the match.
Malinko: You just don�t want me to take out your precious champion.
Victory: No I�m just protecting my investment in you. Besides insurance won�t cover it. You can�t fight if you�re not cleared.
Malinko: Go to hell! Nobody tells me what I can and can�t do...come Bob, we�re leaving.
With that Malinko gets dressed quickly and storms out of the office slamming the door behind him.
(From the shots of Victory and Malinko in Malinko's locker room, we go to an office suite, where Thurman Skydive reclines in a huge leather sofa...)
Skydive: You see that...that's the type of renegade employee I like...someone who takes no sh*t, but does it in the right damn way. Attacking people from behind with chains ain't the way to get it done...and dammit I sure showed Jordan Michaels that tonight. I bet he suddenly remembers why it's best not to cross the Thurmanator...and that's something everyone else will learn as well...
(Across the room, Thurman's secretary sits behind a desk, quietly typing away, occasionally looking up at the computer monitor...)
Skydive: And you know what else? This is the start of a new era for the EWA. It's the dawning of a new day...and I feel like shaking things up. So you know what...there's a World Of Pain title match later tonight. Cyril Acheston and Smoke will go up onto the roof in a Bring Your Own Weapons Roof Match right?...WRONG. You see, that thing is the World Of Pain title...and I want the World Of Pain Champion to have earnt it. So as of right now, I'm changing the stipulations for the match!
Secretary: But sir...the deal with the World Of Pain title is that the Champion gets to pick...
Skydive: I know, I know...and he will...but not tonight. He will get his wish to fight on the roof...hell, if anybody's psychotic enough to know what a fight on the roof is like it's me. Hell, I remember my debut match in MCW - a Flaming Barrel Match...and that's exactly what the Acheston-Smoke match will be tonight...a Flaming Barrel Match!
Secretary: What...What is one of those?
Skydive: It's real simple...the first man to throw his opponent off the roof inside a flaming barrel is the winner. If Acheston wants to throw his opponents off the roof of the arena so much...why not crank it up a notch or two to see if he really is worthy of being the World Of Pain Champion...now I, Cyndi, will see you later...I've gotta go to the ring and address the people...
Secretary: But sir, it's time for The Butcher vs J...
Skydive: I don't know if you ever looked away from that computer of yours...but that match won't take place...here tonight at least...catch you later!
(Back at ringside)
Downs: Well you heard it there. We're scheduled to have the J vs Butcher match now, however, after that incident in the locker rooms earlier tonight, that match simply isn't taking place.
Carvanelie: And did you see Skydive back there...he just changed the stipulations for the World Of Pain title match! He can't do that Maura!
Downs: He's the CEO of the company, he can do whatever he likes!
Carvanelie: Well he's an idiot...and oh God is he coming out here now?
'The Prisoner' plays again, and once more the crowd raise the roof for Thurman Skydive. The hardcore icon thumps his heart, then heads back behind the curtain, walking back out with a metal suitcase. Carrying it to the ring, he sets it down on one of the turnbuckles and turns to the ring announcer for a microphone...
Carvanelie: What's in the suitcase?
Downs: I don't have X-Ray Vision Louis, I have no idea what's in the suitcase...if Mr Skydive wants us to know, I'm sure he'll share it with us!
Carvanelie: MISTER...Skydive? Oh so it's Mr. Skydive...I'll call him whatever the hell I want...I don't like the guy. He's been here less than an hour and already he's got himself a secretary, suspended and assaulted Jordan Michaels, one of the true legends of our time, and changed a scheduled match!
Skydive: Well in case you didn't know, we were scheduled to enjoy a match between The Butcher and J right now. But thanks to the actions of The Butcher backstage earlier today...it seems like that won't be happening tonight. But that did free up a timeslot for me to come out here and turn my attention to another pressing issue...the United States Championship!
Downs: Currently held by Scotty Delrae...who's been put on the injured list thanks to Jordan Michaels...
Skydive: I'm sure by now you've all seen or heard of the sickening assault champion Scotty Delrae received at the hands of Jordan Michaels. As a result of that, Scotty has been placed on the injured list for the forseeable future, and therefore I am left with no choice but to declare the United States Championship belt vacant!
The crowd boo loudly, clearly not liking the idea of a 'forseeable future' without Scotty Delrae. Meanwhile Thurman goes to the corner and opens the suitcase, pulling out the US title belt. Putting it over his own shoulder, he pauses to let the crowd noise die down before he continues...
Skydive: Popular call or not, it's one I've had to make. The doctors still can't tell us exactly how long Delrae will be out of action for, and the EWA is not in a stable enough position right now to leave one of it's most prestigious prizes lying dormant around the waist of an injured champion. No, I have no choice but to make the belt vacant, and as of right now, I am announcing a four man tournament to crown a new EWA United States Champion. We will have two semi-final bouts. Now these bouts won't be just one match, oh no. The two semi-finals will be best of three match series contests. Meaning that as of next week, the four men will begin a three match series to advance to the final. The final, and crowning of a new US Champion will take place on pay-per-view on August 18th 2003...and will be a best three out of five falls match!
Downs: Three out of Five falls...my God what a marathon match that will be!
Carvanelie: Skydive has lost the plot...a three out of five falls final...best of three match semi-finals. Is he trying to kill the four guys taking part?
Skydive: Now is that a gruelling tournament or is that a gruelling tournament? You damn straight...by the end of it the United States Champion will be exhausted...but he'll have proven himself well and truly to be worthy of holding that title belt...
Carvanelie: Oh yadda yadda yadda...who's in the tournament anyway you long-winded blowhard?
Downs: Will you cut the guy some slack...this is a huge deal...how can you argue with any of the decisions he's made thus far as CEO?
Carvanelie: He suspended and assaulted Jordan Michaels!
Downs: Jordan Michaels is a son of a b*tch...will you pull your head out of his damn ass already?
Skydive: With that pause for my announcers to argue over and done with...it's time to announce the two semi-final contests...the four men that will compete to determine the new EWA US Champion. The first semi-final will be...THE BUTCHER VS J! That's right, the first best of three match semi-final will be between the two men we should've seen wrestle here and now...get used to it fellas!
Downs: Butcher vs J in the first semi-final...can you believe it?
Carvanelie: Whoopdee-doo...Skydive sucks so much Maura...
Skydive: And the second semi-final, it'll feature a former EWA One Champion, and one of the hottest young stars in the company right now...ladies and gentlemen, your second best of three match semi will be contested between HELLS ANGEL and...SMOKE!
Thank you and good evening...
With that 'The Prisoner' plays once again, and Skydive puts the US title belt back into the suitcase, and clips it shut, again high-fiving fans lining the aisle as he walks up it back to the locker room...
Downs: Butcher vs J...Hells Angel vs Smoke! Can you believe those two huge semi-finals in the United States Championship Tournament??
Carvanelie: Sure, that's quite a way to physically ruin four of the top guys in the company...nice going Skydive...that idiot!
Downs: So now it�s confirmed. Next week on Tsunami we�ll have the first of the three match series semi-finals, with Butcher wrestling J and Smoke facing an uphill struggle against former One Champion Hells Angel�
Carvanelie: But now it�s time for the latest piece of Thurman Skydive BS decision-making. It�s time to go up on the roof for the Flaming Barrel Match for the World Of Pain title!
Downs: Champion Cyril Acheston requested a Bring Your Own Weapons roof match�instead he gets the prospect of getting thrown off the roof in a flaming barrel�my God how violent could this one be? Let�s go to the roof!
The door to the roof opens, as Smoke�s theme music is heard inside the arena. Through the door steps Smoke, and he yells out for the World Of Pain Champion�and doesn�t have long to wait! From behind him up the steps to the roof comes the World of Pain Champion Cyril Acheston with a chair, and he cracks it across the spine of his challenger, and Smoke falls to his knees. Stepping through the door and slamming it behind him. He stands the chair against Smoke�s spine then kicks it hard!
Smoke yells with pain and writhes on the floor as Cyril stands over him laughing. He pulls the title belt from around his waist and smacks Smoke in the back of the head with it. Lifting the chair again, he points down at the challenger then slams the chair down�as Smoke moves!
Smoke grabs Acheston�s calf and sweeps Cyril to the ground, then picking up the chair he SLAMS IT DOWN ACROSS THE SPINE! Yelling out, Cyril crawls away, and grabs a wooden crate. As Smoke raises the chair again, Cyril turns and hurls the crate into the face of his opponent. Looking across the roof, he unsteadily moves towards a stack of barrels. Picking one up he turns around, and looks for Smoke�who�s nowhere to be seen�
BR>
Carvanelie: Oh that�s a real mature tactic Smoke�you never heard the phrase you can run but you can�t hide?
Downs: I don�t think he needs to bother about running or hiding�HE�S ON THAT SUPPORT BEAM!
Smoke dives�AND CONNECTS WITH A DROPKICK TO THE BARREL! It shatters in the face of the champion, who falls to his knees again, coughing and spluttering. But he gets dragged to his feet by his head�and thrown headlong into the stack of barrels! They collapse on top of him with a loud crash, which all but drowns out Smoke�s laughter. He drags a barrel out of the fallen stack, and reaching for the handily placed canister of petrol, he pours it onto the barrel, and then drops a match down onto it! Inside the arena the crowd scream loudly as Smoke�s face turns orange, reflecting the glow of the flames. He mouths �FLAMING BARREL THIS� before turning to the stack of barrels�AND TAKING A BARREL TO THE HEAD! Acheston is back on his feet, and he just smashed a barrel over his challenger�s head!
Down to his knees in front of the burning barrel goes Smoke, and in a flash Acheston is standing over him�RIGHT BEFORE DROPPING A DDT ONTO THE BARREL! Smoke screams in pain, and rolls away as quickly as possible, pawing at his face as it wracks his body with pain. Cyril screams that he�s not done yet, and grabs Smoke�s tights and pulls him up, then powerbombs him back into the flames!
Downs: Cyril Acheston, the World Of Pain Champion, is making his damn opponents name more than appropriate here Louis�this is sick!
Carvanelie: Smoke just got powerbombed into the burning wreckage of a barrel and you call it sick? This is entertaining!
Downs: I thought you didn�t like Thurman Skydive�s style?
Carvanelie: Am I not allowed to change the rules missy?
Downs: Change the rules? Oh come on Louis!
Smoke is crying out in pain, as he rolls away from the flames again. Meanwhile Acheston picks up another barrel, and dumps it over his head. He picks up the chair again, and prepares to swing it at the barrel�but Smoke runs at his midsection! Still inside the barrel, he runs himself into the champion�s ribs, and that looked ridiculously painful! Smoke pulls the barrel from his own body, then shoves it down over the head of his opponent. For the second time, he starts climbing up one of the support beams on the roof. He looks out on the city below him�then dives off�INTO A LEG DROP ACROSS THE BARREL!
Both men are down now, breathing heavily and moaning in pain, but both slowly rolling towards the stack of barrels again. And as Acheston grabs another barrel and turns on his feet to swing it at Smoke, the challenger swings a chair in the same direction�the two weapons crack into each other, and both wielders drop them to the floor! Smoke is the quickest to react, as he scoops Cyril over his head�AND DROPS HIM ONTO THE ROOF WITH HIS UP IN SMOKE FINISHER!
The champion is down, as Smoke staggers to his feet again, and drags out another barrel. He ignites it and looks towards Cyril Acheston�AS JOHN STEELE SPRINTS ACROSS THE ROOF WITH A BAT, AND BRINGS IT DOWN ACROSS CYRIL�S BACK!
Downs: What the hell is John Steele doing here? He lost to Tornado earlier in the evening, and now he�s out here assaulting the World Of Pain Champion!
Carvanelie: What�s funny is that Smoke is just letting it happen! He knows that once Steele is done he can just dump Acheston in the barrel and win the belt!
But Smoke isn�t just standing back and letting Steele assault Acheston�he�s helping! He pulls Cyril up, and holds him in a full nelson, urging Steele to take a swing! Steele winds up�AND ACHESTON DUCKS! Smoke takes a shot to the face with the bat�and his already blackened face starts pouring with blood!
Steele reacts quickly, and takes a second swing�but again Acheston ducks! Turning again, HE LEVELS STEELE WITH THE FINAL SHOT!
Carvanelie: HEY!!! John Steele just got levelled with that big kick to the jaw�
Downs: AND ACHESTON JUST DUMPED SMOKE INTO THAT BARREL!! IT�S OVER!!!
Acheston kicks the barrel off the edge of the roof�and his music starts to play as a referee bundles through the door and hands Acheston the title belt�
Downs: What a physical contest that was Louis�and after all that Cyril Acheston is still the EWA World Of Pain Champion�
Carvanelie: There errr�there was a safety net around the arena right? Surely even some crazy sadist like Thurman Skydive wouldn�t let Smoke just get shoved off the roof of an arena like that?
Downs: And what the hell was that about with John Steele? He tried to ruin Acheston�s title defence with a baseball bat�but somehow Acheston fought him off�
Carvanelie: You know what Maura? Let�s forget about it�because it�s time for my favourite segment of the week!
Downs: It is?�What�s that then?
Carvanelie: Here comes Davlin McCaine ha ha!
----The image once again turns to fuzz. When we fade in again, we fade in on "the New Talent" Davlin McCaine sitting by a huge swimming pool. Davlin is wearing sunglasses, shorts, and a TALENT 1 sports jersey (Now on sale at www.ewabuystuff.com). He takes a drink from the cold beer he is nursing, and then glances up at the camera.
DAVLIN McCAINE: Hey Cats and Kittens......welcome to a special SUMMERTIME JAM version of the best damn 5-10 minutes in wrestling today.....TALKING SHIT. And I promised last week......I have a special guest star who is with me today, and I have a few important things to talk about, but fiiiirst......
I realize that last week.....I said a few....well, I said a LOT of bad things about a certain EWA "Superstar" named the Butcher. In fact, some have told me that I might have stepped over the line with my remarks. I mean, calling the Butcher a NO TALENT RETARD and insinuating that the only way he won any kind of Heavyweight Championship was through the most heinous kind of blackmail......that might have been pushing things a bit too far.....and from the bottom of my heart, I apologize.
----Davlin looks solemn for a second, then he brightens up.
DAVLIN: HOWever, I have recently come into possession of a certain videotape that might just clear up the mystery of how the Butcher won the BCW World Title, and I'd like to share it with you, the viewing audience, because I feel you have a right to know. So EWA video people....Roll that Beautiful Bean Footage....as Davlin McCaine proudly presents "The Butcher's Heavyweight Title Reign: BEHIND THE VICTORY."
-----We cut to footage from a porno movie, where a male actor is slamming his female co star in the ass. The Butcher's face has been superimposed over the male's face and the former BCW owner has been superimposed over the female's. We can hear the audio.
Female: OH!!! Give it me good, Daddy! F#$K this asshole!
The Butcher (Sound Clip ripped from a promo): DO... YOU... PEOPLE... EVEN... KNOW... WHO... THE... BUTCHER... IS!!! (Real Sound) AHHHHHHGGGHHH!!!
----The "Butcher" finally shoots his load all over the female's back.
----We cut back to Davlin, who is shaking his head and trying not to laugh.
DAVLIN: There it is folks, the ugly truth revealed. I'm just upset that I had to be the one to ruin lives and careers by showing this tape. (he finally busts out laughing) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! NO, I'M NOT! I'm not sorry about Jack Shit. The Butcher says people like me are driving him insane? Good......an insane, retarded person is TWICE as easy to beat than just a retarded one. I'll not only try to throw him off his game by making him use that pea brain of his.....I'll tape a walkie talking to his head and make him think he's hearing voices too. Hell, it worked for Tommy Purr.
But enough comedy for now......if I wanted to watch comedy, I'd watch IWF, where quality is passed over for cheap racial and sexual jokes. I swear, every show I watch of theirs reminds me of a cheap copy of my own promos.......of course, at least I am able to give a touch of class to the proceedings. IWF is just the word "N*GG*R" and "F*G" said over and over again, hoping that its repetition will be comedy gold. Which it is at first, but it quickly just becomes....well, just kind of sad and pathetic in its unoriginality.
Hey, say what you want about "the New Talent," but at least I try to give a little knowledge surprise in my box of foul mouthed, politically incorrect Cracker Jacks. And if you thought that analogy was too confusing, let's get to my special guest......long time fans of "the Talent" will recognize her as my manager......Susan Ward aka Susie Vixen. Say Hi to the kids, Susan.
----The camera pans back to see Susie sitting in a lawn chair opposite Davlin. She is wearing a black bikini and sunglasses.
SUSIE: Hi Kids.
DAVLIN: Now Susie.....before I get to asking about how you've been and what you've been doing since we saw you last.....I really must point out that Susie....well, likes that "Girl on Girl" action. So I have to start out by asking......how's the Pussy Eating going for you?
SUSIE: Ah Davlin, always so concerned about my personal life. And just for the record.....I'm BISEXUAL, which means I like girls AND guys. I just happen to be in a very GIRL mood right now. And speaking of girls, my relationship with Mary is going VERY WELL, and you can take that as you wish.
DAVLIN: Getting a stiffy as we speak. Now Susie, wrestling fans haven't seen you since I was taken off the shelf last year, so I have to ask.....what have you been up to lately?
SUSIE: Well, I've been following in my sister's footsteps, and training myself in the art of professional wrestling. Not that I'm planning for a full time career in wrestling or anything, but I figured it would serve me better to have some training. After all, I didn't really get any of that when I was with Raven.
DAVLIN: I'm sure you didn't get a FEW things with Raven. Hence, the chicks. But anyway, you mentioned the training you've been through...what are you planning to do with that training?
SUSIE: Well, I think you should be the one to tell them that, Davlin. After all, it's more your party than mine.
DAVLIN: Good point. And for those of you who have been wondering what the point of this Talking Shit was.....well, other than making fun of the Butcher again, which is ALWAYS fun. NEXT WEEK....yours truly will be bringing his TALKING SHIT circus LIVE to EWA Tsunami, and to my fans and foes alike.....you're not going to want to miss this.
But for now, I want to thank my Special Guest, Susie Vixen, who I'm now going to retire to my bathroom to roll one off at the thought of her and her girlfriend getting it on, Indigo Girls style.
Until then.....this is Davlin McCaine saying.....Biiiiiiiiiiitch!!!
And I'm out.
Downs: Davlin McCaine everybody...and he really doesn't endear himself to anybody in the locker room does he?
Carvanelie: Maybe everybody's favourite superhero Thurman Skydive can sort him out. Dear God how much chaos can one retard cause in one evening?
Downs: How can you be so hard on our new CEO? He's been around for one night, and he gave us the excitement of that Flaming Barrel Match, suspended Jordan Michaels, and made that great tournament for the United States title...I'd suggest that's a fairly auspicious debut!
Carvanelie: I'd suggest you stop thinking about how hot Thurman is and realise the guy is a liability. Why do you think he's out here as a CEO and not a wrestler? In the ring he was a wreckless idiot, and he's not an active wrestler anymore because of it. And in one night tonight he's clearly taking that same style into his ability as a CEO. He books a Flaming Barrel Match, and I can guarantee you both those men will need to go to hospital tonight for serious burns treatment...and he books a ridiculously gruelling tournament for the US title...which is going to physically ruin four of the brightest talents this company has...Thurman Skydive will run this company into the ground you mark my words!
Downs: Sheesh Louis, how do you really feel? Maybe we should just move on...because it's time for our Main Event. When we come back from this commercial break it'll be Christian Cage taking on The Great Malinko, with Hells Angel as the referee. These three men waged an absolute war on each other at Scars And Stripes inside the cell...and miraculously they're back for more tonight!
Carvanelie: Yeah, but you saw that clip from the locker room earlier. Malinko is not cleared to wrestle tonight...although he made it pretty clear he's doing it whether Mike Victory is letting him or not...
Downs: But with an assassin like Christian Cage as his opponent...can he afford to do it? We'll be right back!
(The show goes to commercials, and as we come back, the two competitors are in the ring, and Hells Angel's music is playing as he strides towards the ring, a slight smirk on his face and a black and white referee's shirt adoring his impressive physique. He slides under the ropes and looks set to ring the bell...when once again 'The Prisoner' starts to play, and one more time out walks the CEO, Thurman Skydive!)
The crowd pop once more for him, but he doesn't go into the ring, rather he makes his way round it, and positions himself in between Maura Downs and Louis Carvanelie at the announce table!
Downs: Well apparently, Louis, we're going to be joined by our new CEO!
Carvanelie: Oh happy days...
Skydive: You know Louis, just because I'm not out here next to you don't assume I don't hear your commentary. These days the monitors in the back have sound and everything...if you want to keep your job you keep your mouth shut on my watch!
Downs: Some of the things he's been saying about you have been a little over the top haven't they Mr Skydive...
Skydive: Thurman please...
Downs: Thurman...why just a minute ago he called you a retard and everything...
Carvanelie: Oh come on Maura! This isn't second grade!
Skydive: How about you two stop bickering and call this match? It's just started, and I'm just out here to scout three of the top guys in the company right now...
Angel has indeed called for the bell, and, whilst still visibly showing the wounds that came as a result of the brutal TLC Cell Match at Scars And Stripes, Cage and Malinko circle each other, and finally lock-up. Malinko appears to have the edge in a battle of strength, and he works Cage into a side-headlock...but it's immediately countered into a backdrop from the Universal Champion...which leaves the obviously injured Malinko clutching his back in pain.
It's pretty clear to see why he hasn't been cleared to wrestle for this match, and doubtful that Cage has been cleared either. After just one move Malinko is wincing and feeling his back tenderly, whilst Cage is noticeably limping on his left ankle, which suffered an Angel Lock over twenty feet in the air at the top of the Cell at the pay-per-view.
But the two come together again, and Malinko rocks Cage with a big right hand...then a second...then a third! Cage leans back against the ropes, before Malinko whips him across the ring. Back of the ropes comes Cage, and he takes a big dropkick to the lower leg!
Down goes Cage yelling in pain, and in the early going it's crystal clear where Malinko's focus will be in this one. Despite his finisher being a submission move that works over the back, it's evident he is going to give Cage's ankle a real working over in this bout, and he reinforces that impression as he raises the leg into the air...then slams it down into the canvas. Cage didn't like that one little bit, and he curls up, putting the offending foot under his body in an attempt to hide it from The Great Malinko. But Malinko pulls Cage to his feet, then hooks up the foot, looking for a dragon screw takedown...but Cage counters with an enziguri. The kick to the side of the head gives Cage enough time to shake some of the early cobwebs lose, and he gets to his feet, then drops Malinko with an arm drag. Back both competitors come, and this time it's the Japanese variant of an arm drag that grounds Malinko. Third time, and Cage locks in a waistlock from behind. He looks for a German suplex, but it's blocked by Malinko.
Cage fires a forearm to the kidneys, then looks for the German again. For a second time it's blocked, and Malinko swivels round in the waistlock...but then gets grounded with a belly to belly! He again pops off the canvas, holding his back in discomfort...then gets Irish whipped to the corner! Cage follows him in, then turns him round. With his chest against the top turnbuckle...Malinko feels Cage drive his shoulder fully into the base of the spine! Even the crowd let out gasps of sympathy as Cage does it for a second...and then a third time!
Finally Malinko drops to his knees in front of the turnbuckles, as Cage sits on the top, then rolls off, folding Malinko up into a pinning predicament in the process. The referee drops and gets one before Malinko counters the pressure, pulling Cage into a pin of his own. But Cage rolls back, once again putting Malinko under the mercy of the ref's count. At two, Malinko rolls to the side, and it's another two count. Cage escapes the pin by rolling the opposite way, once more putting Malinko in a pin. Again the referee gets two, before Malinko, defying the pain in his back, starts rolling in circles around the ring, in almost a Tajiri-like style. Round and round and round they go...before finally an increasingly dizzying Malinko stops once more in a roll-up position...and he gets a CLOSE two-count before Cage gets his shoulder off the mat then rolls to the ropes!
Skydive: You hear that fellas? The crowd are applauding that impressive opening exchange!
Downs: It was damn impressive Thurman I have to agree. These two men went through hell in a TLC Cell match at Scars And Stripes...it's obvious neither man should be in the ring tonight...but they're gutting it out!
Carvanelie: I can't help but notice Malinko is competing without medical clearance...and my intuition tells me Cage is as well...how has that come to pass Thurman? After all, we saw Mike Victory talking to Malinko earlier...he said he wasn't going to allow him to compete!
Skydive: Yes, it's true that I've let this match go ahead, despite the unwillingness of the EWA Chairman, Mike Victory, and despite of the fact that they're not cleared to wrestle...
Carvanelie: And you don't think that's a little wreckless?
Skydive: I don't give a damn about what it is...if it's what these people want to see, then why the hell not?
Carvanelie: Because you're putting their future careers in jeopardy you maniac!
Skydive: Listen junior, if anybody knows where to draw the line at putting your future in jeopardy, it's the Thurmanator...I'll do my job, and you'll do yours. Get it...got it...good...
Carvanelie (under his breath): Jerk...
Back in the ring the two men use the ropes to haul themselves back to a vertical base, listening appreciatively to the applause of the fans, before going back to the collar-and-elbow lock-up once again. For the second time Malinko works Cage into a headlock from that position. This time Cage works his way out of it by firing Malinko against the ropes. He comes back, and Cage leapfrogs over Malinko...THEN COMES DOWN HARD ON HIS INJURED ANKLE! The crowd gasp right along with him as he hops on the canvas, and as Malinko fires off the other ropes...he scores with a right hand right to Cage's eye socket.
The Universal Champion is staggered, and Malinko aims a kick to the ankle, and connects. Cage screams in pain, and it's about to get worse as Malinko lifts him into the air, and brings him down ankle-first across the knee...and that leaves Cage writhing in pain on the mat...
Cage has been taken out for a minute or so...and with that Malinko turns his attention to the referee. Hells Angel seems barely to be paying attention to the match. He is reclining in the corner of the ring, resting on a turnbuckle and looking out at the crowd, every so often raising his middle finger to someone he takes offence to. But that changes as Malinko gets in his face! The crowd stand on their feet excitedly as Malinko and Hells Angel stand face-to-face. It's like a flashback to Scars And Stripes as the two men exchange a harsh war of words...
Their confrontation looks set to get physical...except charging up from behind comes Christian Cage! He drills a knee deep into the back of The Great Malinko, who falls forward, crushing Angel into the corner! Malinko goes down holding his back, and Cage limps up to him in victory...BEFORE HE GETS SHOT WITH A BIG RIGHT HAND FROM HELLS ANGEL! The referee just hit one of the wrestlers, in response to getting crushed in the corner after Cage's knee to the back!
Cage looks set to respond, but he gets turned round by Malinko, who kicks him in the stomach, and looks set to drill him into the mat with a DDT...but it's countered into a northern lights suplex...with a bridge! Cage has Malinko in a pinning situation here...and Hells Angel very casually drops onto his front...then gives the most theatrical one-count you've ever seen in your life. Malinko may have been put away for three, but for all the time Angel was determined to take it may as well have been three thousand!
The crowd boo loudly, and Cage gets up, for a second time getting into the face of the guest referee. They look set to come to blows again...BUT MALINKO COMES FROM BEHIND WITH A CHOPBLOCK TO CAGE'S AILING LEG!
Downs: Hells Angel is causing absolute chaos in this match ladies and gentlemen, and Christian Cage just got dropped with one of the sickest chopblocks I've ever seen in my life...
Carvanelie: And remember folks, any lasting damage done to any of these men as a result of this match can directly be blamed on our CEO Thurman Skydive...he's letting these men compete when neither man has been medically cleared to...
Skydive: Would you drop that already Carvanelie...before I drop you...
Carvanelie: You can't fire me...can you?
Skydive: Didn't you hear Victory earlier? He has given me full authority to act. I'm afraid that gives me the power to do what I want, when I want, and there's only one man that can stop me...and it ain't you. You like your cushy job behind the announce desk? You stop dragging my name through the dirt...
Carvanelie: Yeah yeah yeah...
Downs: Maybe you should just concentrate on this match Louis...it's a helluva contest. Can you believe all three of these guys are able to even be here tonight after the abuse they piled on each other at Scars And Stripes?
Carvanelie: And in my opinion...MR...Skydive...they shouldn't have to be...
Inside the ring, Malinko is turning it up a notch as he locks Cage in a single-leg Boston crab, and wrenches back, putting as much torque as possible, and Cage has a look of sheer agony on his face. He reaches out, but the bottom rope is still some feet away. Slowly but surely he starts the anguish-ridden crawl towards the bottom rope. Finally he's nearly there, and he reaches out...as Angel lies on the mat asking him if he wants to give it up! He still can't reach...BECAUSE ANGEL IS MOVING THE ROPE BACK WITH HIS FOOT!
Angel has a twisted smile on his face as he continues to ask Cage if he wants to give it up, as Malinko continues to lean back, wreaking havoc on Cage's ankle and leg. Still Angel refuses to get his foot off the bottom rope...UNTIL SOMEONE MOVES IT FOR HIM!
The crowd are cheering wildly as they see on the arena floor...having left his seat at the announce table, the CEO Thurman Skydive just shoved Angel's foot off the bottom rope, and within seconds Cage grasps the ropes with both hands!
Carvanelie: Now what's that freak doing...he's interfering in matches as well now?
Downs: He made the right call Louis and you know it! Hells Angel was being a pain in the ass and trying to see Cage's leg snapped right there...Thurman Skydive is a hands-on CEO clearly, and by God he's making that damn clear to Hells Angel right now!
Carvanelie: Look at him ordering Angel to break the hold...he's so pompous!
Skydive (retaking the headset and his place): What was that Louis?
Carvanelie: I was just saying what a courageous call you just made there Thurman...
Skydive: You know I will see a tape of this show tomorrow morning...
Carvanelie: Whatever...
Hells Angel has reluctantly broken the hold, and Malinko (after being given a VERY generous count of five to break it) gets to his feet, and with a crazed look in his eye beckons up the Universal Champion. Cage can barely move his left leg now, but somehow, and using the ropes, he drags his way back up. Malinko looks for another chopblock, but somehow Cage manages to jump over it. As Malinko rises to his feet, Cage somehow climbs onto the second rope...then flies off with a missile dropkick!
The crowd pop for that one, and Cage courageously fights his way to his feet for a second time. He rocks Malinko with a few fists to the face, then kicks him low, before lifting him into a hard pumphandle slam!
Malinko's face is now contorted with pain, as Cage climbs to the top rope. He looks out on the fans, who show their appreciation by taking hundreds of photographs, before he jumps off...sailing into a swandive headbutt!!
That had to take as much out of Cage as it did out of Malinko, but Cage at the moment is just searching for offence that will hurt his opponent to the maximum, whilst minimising the damage done to his barely operative left leg. He succeeded big time and Malinko barely looks to be moving. Cage takes his opportunity, and rolls Malinko over...AND LOCKS HIM IN HIS OWN SUBMISSION HOLD! He is plying all sorts of pressure on his opponents already injured back with the Make A Wish, and Malinko's eyes are rolling back into his face he's in so much pain!
The crowd by this point are electric, and reluctant as he might be, Angel has no choice but to hit the mat again, and get in Malinko's face, asking him if he wants to give it up! This is the reason Mike Victory didn't want Malinko to compete tonight - he knew as well as everyone else did that with a bad back, Christian Cage would focus on it like a sniper rifle, and that's exactly what he's doing right now.
Skydive: Listen to this place! You'd almost think I was wrestling or something...damn!
Downs: These people are going nuts for Christian Cage here, as he has The Great Malinko's own hold locked in!
Carvanelie: Surely Malinko isn't going to suffer the indignity of having to tap out to his own hold! This is all your fault Skydive...he shouldn't even be wrestling tonight!
But slowly Malinko now is moving closer to the ropes. Finally he hooks a leg around the bottom rope, and this time with great relish, Hells Angel physically pulls Cage off his opponent! Grabbing him by the hair, he lifts him off the barely-moving Great Malinko, and for the third time in the contest gets straight in the Universal Champion's face!
And this time Cage isn't taking it anymore! He reaches back and puts everything he has into a huge right hand to Angel's face! Hells Angel is rocked backwards, but then comes right back with a punch of his own. The two trade blows as the crowd comes unglued...and it's Cage that's taking the advantage! He kicks Angel in the stomach, then looks to lift him into his shoulders...HE WANTS TO HIT THE EVENT HORIZON ON THE REFEREE!!
The crowd can't believe it...then start to boo intensely as from behind, Malinko has a steel chair, and he jams it into Cage's ankle! Cage drops Angel and screams in pain, right before Malinko lifts him onto his own shoulders...AND EVENT HORIZON'S HIM ONTO THE CHAIR! Malinko just used Cage's own finisher, and drilled him onto an illegal steel chair, and now he crawls over Cage for the cover. Angel drops to count the pin with great relish (1...2...3!!) It's over!
Downs (as Malinko's music starts to play): Hey come on, that wasn't right! Malinko used a steel chair to Cage's ankle...then stole his own finishing move to plant him onto it!
Carvanelie: What are you talking about? Just seconds earlier you were going nuts whilst Cage was stealing Malinko's move!
Downs: But he didn't have a freakin' chair did he? And Hells Angel just let it go like it was no big deal!
Carvanelie: Hells Angel should have already thrown that match out and disqualified Cage...a wrestler has no right to go beating on a referee!
Downs: He does when the referee has been making a jackass out of himself all match damnit Louis...open your eyes man!
Skydive (having stayed out of the arguments between the two): Hey ladies...who the hell is that?
As Malinko celebrates, climbing to the second rope and lifting his arms to the crowd, taunting them mercilessly, a man in a mask hops over the crowd barrier and slides into the ring. He picks up the chair Malinko used to win the match...THEN SLAMS IT DOWN ACROSS MALINKO'S BACK! The crowd pop big-time as the masked man starts wearing out The Great Malinko...finally he rests the chair over Malinko's face, then goes to the top rope, jumping off...TO DELIVER A DEVASTATING ELBOW DROP! He drove the chair right into Malinko's face...and then heads off through the crowd as quickly as he came!
Hells Angel is left standing alone in the ring, as his two opponents from Scars And Stripes lay unconscious in the ring before him!
Downs: Who was that masked man? He just beat the holy high hell out of The Great Malinko...
Carvanelie (laughing): And that leaves Hells Angel...and check him out!
Downs: Hey now...come on you son of a b*tch! You went through that damn Cell match with those two...you know what it feels like...NO DON'T DO THAT!
Maura's screams go unheard, as Angel raises the chair, and crashes it down across the Cage's left ankle...BEFORE SLAPPING HIM INTO THE ANGEL LOCK! His eyes are wide and crazy as he puts the Universal Champion in the Angel Lock, to the deafening boos of the fans!
Carvanelie: This is great! Hells Angel is teaching our Universal Champion some respect!
Skydive: What the hell kind of company have I come to?
Downs: The kind where assholes like Hells Angel have been allowed to run rough-shot for way too long! I tell you something Thurman if you can sort out...WAIT A MINUTE WHAT'S THIS!
Skydive: Now this is a man right after my own heart!
Downs: IT'S SMOKE!!! HE GOT THROWN OFF THE ROOF IN FLAMING BARREL EARLIER...AND NOW BURNS AND ALL HE'S COMING TO THE RING!!
Smoke slides under the bottom rope, and picks up the chair...SMASHING IT OVER HELLS ANGELS HEAD! He's coming to fire the first shot on the mat he meets in the semi-finals of the US Title Tournament, and he just mutilated a steel chair over the skull of that very same opponent! He climbs to the top rope, and points down at Angel, getting a huge pop from the fans...BEFORE HE GETS SHOVED OFF THE TOP ROPE TO THE ARENA FLOOR!
Another competitor in the US Title Tournament has arrived on the scene, it's The Butcher, and he shoves Smoke off the top rope, then climbs up himself...JUMPING OFF TO SPLASH HELLS ANGEL...WHO MOVES!
This is crazy...as Smoke rolls into the ring, and the three start to brawl! Suddenly Black Sabbath's 'Paranoid' starts to play...and sprinting to the ring comes the fourth entrant in the tournament...it's J! He slides under the ropes, and drills The Butcher with the JDT, then picking up the baseball bat he brought with him...he levels Smoke with it!
Downs: That's two entrants down...my God this is chaos!
Skydive: It's J...who doesn't have Jordan Michaels to back him up anymore!
Downs: Absolutely...he can sink or swim by himself in this tournament Thurman Skydive...
Carvanelie: But Hells Angel is up...and he's got that chair!
Angel wields the chair menacingly, watching J as he takes out both Butcher and Smoke. Finally The Bright Spark turns...AND BOTH MEN SWING THEIR WEAPONS SIMULTANEOUSLY! They both connect...and both men slump down onto the canvas!
The ring is awash with unconscious bodies...Christian Cage and The Great Malinko are down, as are all four entrants into the US Title tournament. Meanwhile from the announce table, Thurman Skydive throws down his headset and slides under the bottom rope himself. He walks among the unconscious bodies, and finally stops, dead-center of the ring. Looking at the camera, a wide-smile breaks out onto his face. 'The Prisoner' - Fozzy, plays one final time...
Carvanelie: He's a psychopath Maura...we're being governed by a lunatic!
Downs: THE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION IS DOWN...MALINKO IS DOWN...J, BUTCHER, SMOKE AND HELLS ANGEL ARE DOWN...EVERYBODY IS DOWN BY GOD...WELCOME TO THE SKYDIVE ERA LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!
Carvanelie: What has Mike Victory unleashed???
(The show fades to black)
Credits:
Opening (Victory/Skydive/Michaels) - Al Goodwin
Butcher/J Backstage - The Butcher
Tornado vs Steele - Mike Victory
Malinko/Victory Segment - Great Malinko
Thurman's Office Segment - Al Goodwin
US Title Tourny Announcement - Al Goodwin
Acheston vs Smoke - Al Goodwin
Talking Shit Summer Jam - Davlin McCaine
Cage vs Malinko - Al Goodwin
