The Show Begins...
[ A warning appears on the screen… ]Chris Myers - Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome…. Finally, BACK to the Extreme Wrestling Association……………..
[ The camera pans across from an overhead view of the thousands of fans on the S.S. Dynasty to the wrestler entranceway… ]
Chris Myers - …………"THE DIAMOND STUD" NICK DIAMANTE!
"HA! Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water…" [ As the voice of Diamante fades out, "Got The Life" by KoRn blasts over the sound system on the S.S. Dynasty as the crowd begins to go absolutely INSANE over this unexpected surprise! A succession of pyro-bombs explode from the deck of the S.S. Dynasty… ]
The Informer - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?! Nobody told me about this!
Eddie Sensation - JESUS H. CHRIST! JESUS H. CHRIST! MMUUUHAHAHAHAAHAAH!!!
[ After a few moments of anticipation, "The Diamond Stud" Nick Diamante finally steps out through the curtains to an unbelievable pop from the crowd on board. He's decked out in his vacation gear: a bright, unbuttoned, flower-covered Hawaiian shirt, with an original "EWA No Fear" t-shirt underneath it, and a pair of plain black Nike shorts with matching black, open-toed Nike sandals. Diamante steps out holding a tropical drink in a cocoanut, while running his hand through his black hair, revealing a huge smile on his face… ]
The Informer - MY GOODNESS! "THE DIAMOND STUD" NICK DIAMANTE HAS MADE AN APPEARANCE AT ROCK THE BOAT!
Vic Canon - LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE! Nobody expected this!!
Eddie Sensation - HE'S BACK!! HE'S BACK!! HAHAHAHA!!! NICKY D IS BACK!!
Vic Canon - Yes Eddie! But in what capacity?!
[ Diamante waves to the crowd in attendance and is escorted by EWA security over to a vacant seat in the front row… ]
The Informer - MY GOODNESS FANS! WHAT AN UNBELIEVABLE OCCURRENCE HERE AT ROCK THE BOAT! JUST MINUTES INTO THIS EXTRAVAGANZA! AND WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN!
[ The camera fades to black, then slowly fades into a shot of an EWA symbol. We then fade back out, and The EWA Theme Music can start to be heard. We then fade in to a shot of a helicopter taking off, and flying at high speeds over a large body of water. In the distance, a large cruise ship can be seen. The helicopter gets closer and closer. The camera then changes to a shot of Chandler and Serial Thrylla standing on the boat, with some type of trigger in their hands. Chandler looks at Thrylla, Thrylla looks at Chandler, and they press the buttons simultaneously. Suddenly, the helicopter explodes and falls into the water. Chandler and Serial Thrylla smile, as the Rock The Boat promo ends. Three familiar voices can then be heard... ]
The Informer - We are LIVE from the S.S. Dynasty, sailing the Pacific ocean! And what a beautiful day it is to be on the water! Welcome fans, to the EWA's Pay Per View extravaganza... ROCK THE BOAT: WAR ON THE WATER!
Vic Canon - We have 9 GREAT matches for you tonight fans, and as always... LOTS of surprises!
Eddie Sensation - And we just saw one! Nicky D is in the audience tonight! I'm going to try and get a word with him some time during the show!
The Informer - Sounds good Eddie... But I doubt you'll have time for that tonight! I mean, LOOK AT THIS CARD! It's STACKED!
Vic Canon - We have 4 of the EWA's 5 titles being defended tonight... and those 4 matches are BIG ENOUGH to make tonight's card a Four-Way Main Event! Just look at it! Chandler vs Thorn... Thrylla vs Nomad vs Tyler... The Regs vs BJ Boyz... Tortez vs Divine vs GiGante vs Gaines... DAMN!
Eddie Sensation - What about that MARINE DESTRUCTION MATCH?? I cant wait for that!
The Informer - Me neither! Drew Norwood will be taking on Howell tonight, but it wont be on this boat... no sir! It will be happening from the deserts in New Mexico! We have a camera crew over there as we speak.
Vic Canon - That's going to be great! Also, in a LOSER LEAVES TOWN Match... Don Michaels will take on Lorenzo Hayes!
Eddie Sensation - What about that Gat on a Pole Match?? Masta Red and Brandon Kearse will get it on! ...WHAT THE SHIT IS A GAT?!?!?
The Informer - Haha! I have no idea! But, we WONT be finding out. Fans, for some personal reasons, that match CANNOT happen tonight. We're sorry about having it on our card preview, but it just CANNOT happen. Also on the card... Zed vs Robby DiMarco for rights to be an EWA Interviewer! Arthryn and Eric Walther will team up in tag team action to take on Vinny D and a Mystery partner!
Vic Canon - There's another surprise for tonight! That could be anyone!
Eddie Sensation - Well, there's the card! This should be another amazing Pay Per View for the EWA!
The Informer - There's no doubt about that! We wont waste any of your time! Lets get to it!
Ladder Match
Zed vs. Rob DiMarcoThe Informer - Up next, we have our Ladder Match, to determine who will be the second EWA Backstage Interviewer! The loser of this match will have to quit their current job as interviewer, and do something else.
Vic Canon - Could you imagine Rob DiMarco being an EWA Janitor?? Or a wrestler?! HAHA!!!
Eddie Sensation - Could you imagine Vic Canon being a wrestler?? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
The Informer - You guys need to calm yourselves.... Lets send it to Chris Myers!
Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Ladder Match! The winner will be the first to climb the ladder, and reach the microphone that is hanging above the ring!
[ "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'5" and weighing in at 270 pounds, from Chicago, Illinois, Zed!
[ Zed steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - As Zed makes his way into the ring, we'll send it backstage to Rachel Stevens, who's with Rob DiMarco...
Pre-Match Interview with Rob DiMarco Rachel Stevens - I'm here with Rob DiMarco, who is about to step in the ring with Zed, where he will fight for his right to be an EWA Interviewer! Rob, why would you do such a thing as to put your career on the line in a WRESTLING MATCH with ZED?!
Rob DiMarco - Rach, you know me... I NEED this job to live! I need it to survive! I have a family to feed! And I knew that there was NO WAY IN HELL that Stone would give me my job back... so, I must fight for it! And I know Zed is a great wrestler, and past EWA Heavyweight Champion... but this is my ONLY way to get my job back! A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!
Rachel Stevens - Well Rob, I wish you the best of luck... I'll be watching and rooting for you backstage!
Rob DiMarco - Thanks Rachel.
Rachel Stevens - Back to you guys at ringside!
[ "Like A Virgin" by Madonna blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponent... standing 5'9" and weighing in at 237 pounds... the only professional job he's had was being an EWA Interviewer... Rob DiMarco!
[ Rob DiMarco steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
Vic Canon - Like a Virgin?
Eddie Sensation - HA! [Sings] Wrestling for the very first time!
The Informer - Haha! Anyway, there's the bell... we're about to see one hilarious match!
Vic Canon - DiMarco charges at Zed! Zed ducks under him, turns around, and kicks DiMarco square in the ass!
Eddie Sensation - HAHA!!!! DiMarco went flying through the middle ropes! He's down on the outside! He looks like he's going to cry!!! AHAHAHA!!!
The Informer - Eddie, not so loud! Rob is right there... you dont want to hurt his feelings!
Vic Canon - I think Zed's going to hurt a little more then his feelings tonight! DiMarco climbs back in the ring... Zed pushes him into the corner, and....
Rob DiMarco - EEEEK!!!! EEEEK!!!! EEEEK!!!!
Eddie Sensation - HAHA!!! THREE CHOPS TO THE CHEST!!!
The Informer - And DiMarco is down in the corner! Zed puts his leg across DiMarco's neck, and begins to choke him out! Damn! Look at DiMarco!! He's going crazy, trying to remove Zed's foot from around his leg!
Rob DiMarco - AHHHH!!! I... CANT.... BREATHE!!!!!
Vic Canon - Thats the point of the move, moron.... Zed releases the hold, and picks him up. Zed whips him across the ring, into the opposite corner! Rob lands in the corner with a THUD!
Eddie Sensation - DiMarco stumbles out of the corner, right into the waiting Zed.......
The Informer - Dropkick to the forehead of Rob DiMarco! He goes down! And now Zed is headed for the outside, to get the ladder that's standing in the middle of the entrace aisle!
Vic Canon - Zed folds up the ladder, and carries it towards the ring. Rob DiMarco is getting to his feet! This could be his chance for a comeback!
Eddie Sensation - Uhh, no. DiMarco is over in the corner, trying to catch his breath....
The Informer - Zed slides the ladder into the ring, and rolls in. He picks up the ladder again, and heads straight for DiMarco!
Vic Canon - He charges at DiMarco! No! DiMarco puts his foot up, and the ladder nails Zed!
Eddie Sensation - Damn! These fans have erupted after ONE STUPID MOVE by DiMarco!
The Informer - Look at Rob! He cant beleive it! He's in shock from that crowd reaction! He kicks Zed again, and the fans go crazy! Look at the smile on DiMarco's face!
Vic Canon - Zed still has that ladder in his arms.... WHAM!!! OH GOOD GOD! HE JUST NAILED DIMARCO SQUARE IN THE HEAD WITH THE LADDER!
Eddie Sensation - HA! And now these fans are even LOUDER! They love seeing that geek DiMarco gets his ass kicked!
The Informer - And Zed drops the ladder right onto DiMarco's limp body!
Vic Canon - Zed moves the ladder, and picks up DiMarco. He sets him up.... lifts him.... OOH! BRAINBUSTER! And look at DiMarco's head! He's busted open after that shot to the head with the ladder!
Eddie Sensation - HA! His skin is very delicate! HAHA!!!!
The Informer - Be nice Eddie! Rob DiMarco slides out of the ring, and lays right on our announce table! Rob, you're really THAT exausted?!
Vic Canon - Dont answer that, Rob... Zed is in the ring, setting up the ladder! This could be the end of the match right here!
Eddie Sensation - And the end of DiMarco's interviewing career!
[ Rob sits up ]
Rob DiMarco - WHAT?! NO!!!!
The Informer - Rob, you better get into the ring and get Zed down from that ladder! He's halfway up!
Rob DiMarco - ZED!!! NO!!! DONT DO IT!!!! STOP CLIMBING!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - HA!! Like he's going to listen to you, you damn moron!
Rob DiMarco - ...........PLEASE??
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
The Informer - ROB, GET IN THAT RING AND TIP THE LADDER OVER!
Rob DiMarco - But that will hurt him!
Vic Canon - THATS THE POINT!
Eddie Sensation - ....YOU IDIOT!
Rob DiMarco - But.... but.... BUT....
The Informer - JUST GO DO IT!
Vic Canon - And FINALLY, Rob DiMarco climbs into the ring! Zed is at the top of that ladder, just a few inches away from the microphone!
Eddie Sensation - DiMarco puts his hands on the side of the ladder.....
The Informer - He looks at Zed......
Vic Canon - DiMarco closes his eyes.....
Eddie Sensation - TTTTTTTTTTTIMBERRRRRRR!!!!!!!
The Informer - WHAM!!! AND ZED LANDS HARD ON THE MAT!
Vic Canon - And FINALLY, DiMarco is in control of this match!
Eddie Sensation - But he doesnt know what to do! HA! What a moron!
The Informer - ROB! PICK UP THE LADDER! CLIMB IT! GET THE MICROPHONE!
Rob DiMarco - OK!
[ Rob gives The Informer the thumbs up... ]
Vic Canon - ......
Eddie Sensation - WHAT A LOSER!
The Informer - Guys, come on! He's got a family to feed! He has two kids! He can't afford to lose his job! Zed, on the other hand, CAN WRESTLE! He has another job lined up!
Vic Canon - DiMarco picks up the ladder, and begins to climb it!
Eddie Sensation - What a moron! It's not even in the middle of the ring!
The Informer - ROB! PUT IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! THEN CLIMB IT!
Vic Canon - Oh..... my.... god....
Eddie Sensation - HA! He's listening to the Informer! Informer.... tell him to piss on Zed! He might listen to you!
The Informer - NO! THATS SICK! ...Rob DiMarco climbs down the ladder, puts it in the middle of the ring, and begins to climb it again....
Vic Canon - Zed is getting to his feet! This isn't good news for Rob DiMarco!
Eddie Sensation - This MATCH wasn't good news for him! He's going to die in that ring tonight!
The Informer - Dont even joke about that! DiMarco is halfway up the ladder... climbing step by step! And Zed is on his feet! He's walking over towards DiMarco...
Vic Canon - OOOHHHHH!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - LOW BLOW BY ZED!!!!!
The Informer - Zed grabs DiMarco by the arms..... he sets him up on his back! LOOK OUT!!!
Vic Canon - OOOH!!!! UNFORGIVEN!!! DIMARCO GOES DOWN HARD!
Eddie Sensation - May he rest.... in.... peace...... HAHAHAHA!!
The Informer - And Zed is starting to climb the ladder again! That's it! This match is over! There's nothing stopping Zed now! To Mrs. DiMarco, and her two kids... I'm sorry. I tried!
Vic Canon - HA! Zed is halfway up the ladder... three-quarters.... now just one step away!
Eddie Sensation - He reaches!
The Informer - NO!! THE MICROPHONE JUST GOT LIFTED UP!!! THE MICROPHONE IS 10 FEET ABOVE ZED! HE CAN'T REACH IT!
Vic Canon - ZED IS JUST STANDING ON TOP OF THE LADDER, STUNNED! HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Eddie Sensation - WAIT A MINUTE! LOOK!!!
The Informer - THERE'S SANTORO!!! HE JUST CAME OUT FROM THE CROWD!!!
Vic Canon - LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - TTTTTTTTTTTIMBERRRRRRR!!!!!!!
The Informer - SANTORO JUST PUSHED THE LADDER OVER!!! AND ZED LANDED ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!!!!
Vic Canon - BUT WHY???
Eddie Sensation - Dont ask me! Now Santoro is looking under the ring for something! What does he have??
The Informer - It looks like a bucket full of something.... is that water?
Vic Canon - I think so! And now he's standing over DiMarco! WAKE UP CALL!
Eddie Sensation - WOOSH! And DiMarco is up!
The Informer - ROB! CLIMB THE LADDER! GRAB THE MICROPHONE!
Vic Canon - And DiMarco is headed up the ladder! But look! Zed is getting up!
Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT!!! NOT ANYMORE!!!!
The Informer - SANTORO JUST JUMPED ON TOP OF ZED!!!! SANTORO IS HOLDING HIM DOWN!!!
Vic Canon - DiMarco is almost there! He reaches........ YES!!! DIMARCO HAS THE MICROPHONE!!!!!!
Chris Myers - The winner of this match, and is now an EWA Backstage Interviewer... Rob DiMarco!
Eddie Sensation - HA! DIMARCO WON!
[ As the stunning reality of the upset at hand finally sets in, Zed slowly gets up off of the ground and manages to roll himself into the ring. Already positioned in the center of the ring is Santoro, who has decided not to run away, but to stand and confront Zed. Zed gets to his feet and meets Santoro in the middle of the ring. The two stare each other down, and a few seconds feels like an eternity to the both of them. Finally, Zed breaks the silence and begins speaking to Santoro. ]
Zed - Santoro...how the hell could you do this to me? You know damn well I enjoyed my role as an interviewer in the EWA! And now you've just ruined my career and handed it back to that moron DiMarco! How could you do this?!?!
Santoro - Your career?! You want to talk about careers asshole?! Lets talk about the fact that after you decided to stop wrestling I was out of the job as your manager & lackey. You left me behind to pursue your own goals, and forgot all about me. Sure, you might have enjoyed interviewing wrestlers every week, but I'll bet you never once gave a thought as to what I was doing. Or what I was going through. You're a self-fish jerkoff Zed, and I'm glad I caused you to lose your match tonight!!!
Zed - You bastard!! Just because I wanted to take on the role of an interviewer doesn't mean I forgot about you. It was YOU who decided to disappear! I never told you to go anywhere! If you wanted to hang around me you could have, but you chose not to! You have no one to blame but yourself!!
Santoro - Well...even so! Me aside, It's still high time you realized that this damn interviewing stuff just isn't you!!
Zed - Yes it is!!
Santoro - No it isn't!!!
Zed - YES IT IS!!
Santoro - NO IT ISN'T!!!!!!! You don't belong behind the scenes interviewing the idiot wrestlers!! You belong in the ring kicking their asses! You're a great wrestler, and I can't bare to watch you waste your talent!! Don't do this to yourself!! Forget about interviewing people and get back in the ring, where you belong!
Zed - But...
Santoro - But nothing! Sure, you've got quite a long list of accomplishments here in the EWA, but that doesn't mean you should just stop doing what you do best! You belong in the ring! You belong in the tights! You belong in the current champions list! You're still in your prime, and I think it's time you got yourself out of this interviewing gig and back to winning titles and setting records.
Zed - I suppose....
Santoro - Do it Zed. Do it for the fans, and do it for me. If you return to the ring, I can manage you again.
Zed - You're more of a lackey than a manager.
Santoro - Whatever! That's not the point. The point is you belong back among the wrestlers, and not with the tight asses like Rob DiMarco.
Zed - I guess you're right. There's not much I can do about it anyway, DiMarco won the match due to your being an asshole. You could've waited until after I won the match though, then I could've forfeited my position over to DiMarco. But NOOOOO, you thought it would be better to push me off of a ladder.
Santoro - Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time....
[ With that all said, Zed and Santoro leave the ring arguing all the way back to the locker room area... ]
The Informer - Does this mean Zed will be returning to the ring?!?
Vic Canon - Hopefully! But that's not for sure... what IS for sure though, is Rob DiMarco will be returning to his backstage interviewing!
Eddie Sensation - Oh, god... Zed was much better...
The Informer - Look! It's Nick Diamante! "The Diamond Stud" is here at Rock The Boat!
[ The camera catches a shot of Nick Diamante in the front row signing autographs for some of the fans on deck… ]
Vic Canon - What an unbelievable surprise it was to see him come out just moments ago!
Eddie Sensation - BUT GUYS! What's he doing here??
The Informer - You're the investigative reporter, Eddie! You should know the scoop!
Eddie Sensation - Err… Ah… well, of course! I mean, me and the Stud are tight! I knew he was going to show up! He called me last night!… I just kept it on the lowdown so the fans could be shocked! Yeah!
Vic Canon - Sure Eddie! And I'm sure you know why he's here, don't ya?
Eddie Sensation - Of course I do! But I'd rather have Nick explain it himself… ya know?
The Informer - Yeah, whatever Eddie! Well fans, we're going to try to get a word with Nick Diamante a little bit later in the broadcast!
Eddie Sensation - Nah, nah… excuse me, but I'll be covering that spot! I'll get the official word on why "The Diamond Stud" has come back to the Extreme Wrestling Association here at Rock The Boat! But for now… let's continue with the action!
Pre-Match Interview with Don Michaels Rachel Stevens - I'm standing here with Don Michaels, who is on the verge of the most important match of his career, a loser leaves town match with Lorenzo Hayes. Don, do you have anything to say before
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - Of course I do, I'm The $uperstar Don Michaels!
Rachel Stevens - So what is on your mind going into a match of this magnitude?
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - What am I thinking about, I'm glad you asked me that Rachel: I'm trying to decide which pose going to use when I pin Lorenzo Hayes. Should I just place one foot on his chest, or should I just sit on his chest and read a book? Maybe I should just, what do you think Rachel.
Rachel Stevens - So how did this match get booked?
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - I asked for it Rachel.
Rachel Stevens - Why?
[ Michaels takes the microphone from Rachel. ]
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - Well there comes a time in every man's career when he decides that he has to move on, unfortunately Hayes hasn't really realized this yet, so like any good father I've got to show my son the right path. Tonight is the night that where I show you the right path to take Lorenzo. Tonight is the night when I sign the final Autograph you'll ever receive, tonight's the night when I close the curtains on your career here in the EWA. Tonight is the night, when you move on. Perhaps you can be something special somewhere else, but not here Lorenzo. There's only room in the EWA for one King of Glitz and Glamour, and that's me. But don't worry, Lorenzo, I'll put in a good word for you in Hollywood, we could use a few more stagehands, and I definitely need someone to carry my bags around.
Rachel Stevens - Well there you have it everyone, now back to you guys at ring...
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - Hey wait a second Rachel, are you going to interview Hayes?
Rachel Stevens - Uhm, yes.
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - Right now?
Rachel Stevens - Yes I am. Why do you ask?
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - Oh no reason, no reason at all.
[ Michaels flashes Rachel his academy award winning smile. And follows her as she walks out of his locker room. ]
Pre-Match Interview with Lorenzo Hayes [ The scene opens into the locker room of Lorenzo Hayes, who has just finished filming his new movie. Lorenzo is on the phone when Rachel Stevens walks into the room. Lorenzo who is wearing an Armani suit is definitely not aware that he has a match tonight, as he looks more ready to go to an awards show rather than step into the ring. Lorenzo Hayes who is not aware that Rachel Stevens is at the door keeps on discussing job openings and photo shoots with his agent Johnny. Rachel who is getting annoyed that Lorenzo Hayes has not noticed her begins to knock furiously on the door finally Lorenzo notices her. ]
Lorenzo Hayes - Johnny can I phone you back? I have some sort of a lesbian at my door. Ok catch you later!
[ Lorenzo turns off his mobile. ]
Rachel Stevens - Don't you think that the lesbian thing is getting old Lorenzo? Seriously can't we just TRY and get a long?
Lorenzo Hayes - OK OK, I'm sorry I'll try and cut down on the homosexuality, you never know maybe we will become friends, we do have something in common.
Rachel Stevens - And what would that be?
Lorenzo Hayes - Well you're a lesbian and I am a lesbian trapped inside a man's body!
Rachel Stevens - [In a disgusted tone of voice.] Drop Dead! By the way why aren't you ready for your match?
Lorenzo Hayes - What match?
Rachel Stevens - You're taking on Don Michaels in a loser leaves town match.
Lorenzo Hayes - I'M WHAT!?!? Do me a favor Rachel and go get me Hamric! How the hell did I not know about this?
Rachel Stevens - Ok Lorenzo I will go as quickly as possible! You better get changed!
[ Rachel slowly walks out of the room and just as she does Don Michaels appears at the door way. Lorenzo Hayes who is facing the other way does not realize that his nemesis is standing there. Suddenly the door closes; as it does Lorenzo turns around to hear the door getting locked from the outside, then there's a loud slam as the doorknob falls out of it's socket, trapping Lorenzo Hayes in his locker room. Don Michaels voice can then be heard. ]
Don Michaels - Hey Hayes, could you come out here for a minute, I've got to talk to you...HAHAHAHAHA
Lorenzo Hayes - You're dead when I get out of here Michaels!
Don Michaels - By the time you get out of their Lorenzo, you'll no longer be a part of this company!
Lorenzo Hayes - Yes I will! How are you supposed to pin me when I am in here!?
Don Michaels - [Ponders to himself] Well if you're in the locker room, then who is that other 'Lorenzo Hayes' walking to the ring right now?
Lorenzo Hayes - FUCK YOU MICHAELS!
Don Michaels - How can you, when I'm out here, and you're trapped in there! See ya around loser!
[ Don begins to laugh and then walks towards ringside. As this happens, inside the dressing room where Lorenzo is trapped things are being thrown all over the room. The locker room that was once spotless now looks like a bomb went off. The scene then cuts to ringside. ]
Loser Leaves Town Match
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels vs. Lorenzo Hayes[ The Man, The Myth, The Legend, "The $uperstar" Michaels walks down to the ring, in left arm is the beautiful Jeanine Trujillo, loyal valet and lover; and in the other hand is a microphone. At Michaels back are the four nameless men known only as The Paparazzi, who have the infamous Don Michaels fan-club in tow. ]
[ His after-match theatrics still fresh in the memory of the EWA's fans, these same fans begin to jeer as Michaels makes his way towards the ring. In response Michaels smiles at the crowd, secure in the knowledge that he's superior to them all. Michaels lifts the microphone to his mouth. ]
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - Oh stop it, you all know you love me!
[ What's the difference between me and you begins to blast over the loudspeakers and the fans erupt! However their cheers die down as the see who comes down to the ring, two midgets and a dog wearing a pink bow. One of the midgets looks like Josh Hamric, the other is an exact replica of Lorenzo Hayes, from his blonde slicked back hair to the silver Oakleys shading his eyes. ]
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Vic Canon - What the hell is this?
The Informer - It's more of Don Michaels' bullshit, that's what it is.
Eddie Sensation - No it's not, that's Lorenzo Hayes!
The Informer - What?!?!?!
Vic Canon - That's obviously not Lorenzo Hayes
[ "Lorenzo Hayes" walks into the ring and Michaels drops to his knees, to stare "Hayes" in the eyes. ]
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - Hayes, tonight is the last night you'll ever be seen in The EWA, it's the last time these people, these sweathogs [Michaels motions to the crowd] will ever get to hear you again. Do you have any last words for them?
"Lorenzo Hayes" - Michaels, you've embarrassed me, you've humiliated me, and worse yet you've exposed me for the last couple of pay-per-views. Now I know that I'm only half the man that you are but I've had enough. It's show time you're going down old man!
Eddie Sensation - OHHH Lorenzo Hayes just smacked Michaels in the face!
Vic Canon - Good he deserved it.
Eddie Sensation - What are you talking about Don Michaels is The Man!
The Informer - Well "The Man" just poked a midget in the eyew! Now "Lorenzo Hayes" is stunned. Michaels is getting back up to his feet, he's measuring "Hayes" up and.He just stepped on Hayes' head! Hayes is almost out of it. Michaels sets Hayes, up in a front face lock, now he's got him up into a standing suplex.
Eddie Sensation - Wow what strength. I wonder how long Michaels can keep Hayes up there. He must weigh at least...
Vic Canon - Damnit that's not Lorenzo Hayes!
The Informer - Michaels walks around all four corners and finally back into the center of the ring, then he drops back.
Eddie Sensation - WOW! What a suplex! That could be the match
Vic Canon - This is a complete mockery! Why is Michaels getting away with this?!
The Informer - Enough bickering, can we just call the match?!?!
Eddie Sensation - Michaels is going for the pin 1.....2....thr..No "Josh Hamric" just broke up the pin.
Vic Canon - Michaels grabs "Josh Hamric" by the collar and drags him to the ring ropes and tosses "Hamric" to The Paparazzi, who then begin to stomp the life out of him. Michaels then turns his attention back to "Hayes"
The Informer - Michaels is looking to put the finishing touches on Hayes.
Eddie Sensation - Michaels stands over "Hayes" with one foot on his chest, 1..2.that's a three count. Sayonara Lorenzo!
Vic Canon - I'm glad this nonsense is over with.
[ Michaels drags "Hayes" across the ring, stopping near "The Don Michaels" fan club. Michaels then chokeslams "Lorenzo Hayes" into it. ]
"Lorenzo Hayes" - [KLUNK!]
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - Now for Hamric.
[ The Paparazzi grab the unconscious Josh Hamric, and toss him into the dumpster head first ]
Josh Hamric - [KERRANNG!]
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - And we can't forget your b!tch can we Lorenzo?
[ Michaels grabs "Toto" by the scruff of the neck and drops the bitch into the dumpster. ]
"Toto" - WHELP!
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - There you have it folks, the end of Lorenzo Hayes' tenure in the EWA, the end of an era. I think it's only right that we now pay tribute to Lorenzo's career here with a moment of silence.
[ Michaels' moment of silence is broken by What's The Difference Between Me and You. Lorenzo Hayes' theme music. Michaels searches the arena frantically wondering where Hayes could possibly be coming for. ]
Lorenzo Hayes - DON I COMING FOR YOU! IF I WERE YOU DON I'D JUMP OVERBOARD!
[ Michaels spots Hayes standing in the doorway. ]
"The $uperstar" Don Michaels - Get him guys!
[ All of the paparazzi run towards Lorenzo Hayes. But Lorenzo Hayes is too much of a force for all of them as he throws punches at all of them. ]
Vic Canon - Look at Lorenzo Hayes he just dropped a Paparazzi number one onto the guardrail!
The Informer - Showtime Showtime!! Lorenzo Hayes is getting rid of all the paparazzi one by one! And look at Don Michaels he cannot believe what he is seeing!
Eddie Sensation - Lorenzo Has one more man to go before he gets to Don Paparazzi number four swings at Lorenzo, but Lorenzo blocks and kicks him in the gut! HE JUST CONNECTED WITH ANOTHER SHOWTIME!
Vic Canon - And look at Don Michaels! I wouldn't be surprised if a see a brown mark on the back of his tights! Lorenzo Hayes is pointing towards Don Michaels!
The Informer - Look at this Don Michaels is making a run for it, and Lorenzo Hayes is not far behind!
[ Lorenzo Hayes is shown chasing Don Michaels in the back stage area. ]
The Informer - What a great contest we've just witnessed! Fans, we sure hope you're enjoying this unbelievable pay-per-view event, Rock The Boat, brought to you by the leaders in the Professional Wrestling world… The Extreme Wrestling Association!
Vic Canon - I don't know about you guys… but I'm starting to get sea-sick… ugh…
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA! Vic! You do suck at life, don't ya!
The Informer - Eddie, be nice!
[ The camera cuts to a shot of Nick Diamante in the front row, enjoying his tropical beverage and speaking with some of the fans… ]
Vic Canon - Hey, Eddie… what about that "exclusive" interview you were gonna cut with Diamante?
Eddie Sensation - Victor…………… Are you questioning my journalistic integrity?
The Informer - [Under his breath] What journalistic integrity?
Vic Canon - Yeah, well… the fans want to know why "The Diamond Stud" has returned to the EWA tonight at Rock The Boat! Why don't you go over there and ask him the tough questions?
Eddie Sensation - Fine by me! Here I go!
[ Eddie Sensation removes his head set and stands up. He begins to head over to the time-keeper's table to get a microphone… ]
The Informer - This should answer a lot of questions, fans! I don't think anyone expected Nick Diamante to return to the EWA! Much less return tonight!
Vic Canon - Well… it's been the topic of some major speculation in the wrestling world as of late. Will Nick Diamante return to wrestling? If so, will he be allowed back into the Extreme Wrestling Association. I think everyone is overlooking a small fact. Chandler forced this man out of wrestling on a verbal contract stipulation. To my understanding… legally, Nick isn't allowed back in the EWA. I hope Eddie Sensation asks the right questions!
The Informer - Well, there he is! Let's take it to Mr. Sensation!
[ The fans on board begin to cheer as they see Eddie Sensation approaching "The Diamond Stud" Nick Diamante, who is now on his feet… ]
Interview with "The Diamond Stud" Nick Diamante Eddie Sensation - ALLLLLLRIGHT! Fans, I hope you're havin' a great time here at Rock The Boat, EWA style! And I know each and everyone in attendance felt those chills up and down their spines when this man showed up and literally 'Rocked The Boat'! Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it one more time for arguably the greatest wrestler in EWA history…. He used to go by the moniker of "The Most Hated Man In Wrestling", though you'd never know right now… here he is… NICK DIAMANTE! "THE DIAMOND STUD"!
[ The fans on board begin to cheer wildly for Nicky D as he turns around to wave to them. Diamante turns around again, takes a sip of his tropical drink, and begins to speak… ]
"The Diamond Stud" Nick Diamante - Eddie Sensation, how's it going!? More importantly, fans… HOW THE HELL ARE YA!? It's been way too long!
[ Huge pop… ]
Eddie Sensation - I'm doing great, Nicky D! Even better now that you're here! But when it comes down to it, I think everyone wants to know why you're here tonight? What makes Rock The Boat the place to be, on deck with Nicky D?
"The Diamond Stud" Nick Diamante - Well, ya see Eddie… the Extreme Wrestling Association has done it once again! THEY'VE DEFIED THE ODDS! I'm here, standing on the S.S. Dynasty to be a part of HISTORY! Never before has an event of this magnitude, or any other magnitude for that matter, been held off of solid soil and on a cruise ship just like we're doin' it tonight! The EWA is breaking solid ground here, and I'm here to be a part of the festivities! What an event Rock The Boat is turning out to be! Seeing these magnificent athletes go at it in a ring wrestling nailed down on a ship that's swaying left and right like it's being driven by a drunken madman is just something else! A testament to their skills! All-in-all, I'm proud of this event… I'm proud of the boys busting their sets to make this show a success, and I'm proud just to be a part of it in one way or another!
[ Another huge pop by the audience… ]
Eddie Sensation - Oh yeah, you bet your life on it! But Nick… there's got to be another reason… an ulterior motive! We know you! You're a mental equivalent of… of… Albert Einstein and Bruce Wayne! Come on, we're bros! You can tell me! You came here tonight to get you a piece of the EWA Heavyweight Champion, Clayton Chandler! Didn't ya?
[ Diamante smiles as a mixed reaction is heard from the crowd… ]
"The Diamond Stud" Nick Diamante - [Smiles] Eddie, take a look at my feet. Cameraman… focus in right here…
[ Diamante places his right leg up on the security railing… ]
"The Diamond Stud" Nick Diamante - Eddie, what do you see on my feet?
Eddie Sensation - Umm, a pair of sandals?
"The Diamond Stud" Nick Diamante - That's right, Sensation… sandals. Now, anyone who knows anything knows that you don't wear a pair of sandals to an ass-kickin' contest! I'm here, just like I said, to enjoy myself… and to be a part of HIS-TO-REEEY, baby! I'm all decked out in my vacation duds anyway dude! Me, Nicky D… I'm just in a partyin' mood tonight! And I hope some of these lovely ladies in attendance are in the same mood I'm in. [Laughs]
[ A high-pitched squeal is heard from the ladies on deck… ]
Eddie Sensation - HA HA! Well man, I can dig your sentiments! There's some F-I-N-E, FINE ladies aboard tonight! But dude, you gotta give us some sort of an update. Man, that Chris Watkins dude has been going on and on about how you've been hitting the gym gettin' in the best condition of your life, and from the looks of it… man, you look great! Are you training for a return, bro??
"The Diamond Stud" Nick Diamante - [Laughs] Dude, I'm always training for something. Right now, I'm tryin' to train myself to stand still on this damn boat while the vodka infests my brain! [Laughs] But let me promise you fans something. Nick Diamante is back for a reason, trust me on that one! But right now is not the time, and the S.S. Dynasty ain't the place. A little over a week from now, I'm gonna be in Salt Lake City… Yeah, I'm gonna be in Utah, and I guarantee you people that you'll get a little glimpse into my future that night on Tuesday Night Heat!
Eddie Sensation - WICKED! Diamante's here to party tonight, but it'll be all business in 2 weeks on Heat! One more thing, Nicky D! Who are you taking to win the EWA Heavyweight Title match tonight! Thorn or Chandler?
"The Diamond Stud" Nick Diamante - [Smiles] We've got some Lightweight Rage goin' on here at Rock The Boat, and if these guys don't end up taking off into orbit sometime tonight, I've got to put my money on that damn Cajun wreckin' machine! He's still that man to be beat, in my view.
Eddie Sensation - THERE YOU HAVE IT FANS! Nicky D, thanks for the word! Right now, let's send it back to The Informer and that momma's boy, Vic Canon!
Vic Canon - HEY!
[ Diamante gets the fans pumped and starts a "ROCK THE BOAT" chant… ]
The Informer - Well, what do you make of that, Canon? Diamante says he's here to be part of history tonight, but in 2 weeks… the story will be a little different!
Vic Canon - It's exactly as he put it. We're gonna have to wait some time for the final word on "The Diamond Stud's" EWA future!
[ Eddie comes back to his position… ]
Eddie Sensation - HA! Was I great or what?
The Informer - You did ask the hard questions! Right now fans, let's head backstage to get some pre-match comments!
Pre-Match Interview with Vinny D Rachel Stevens - Thank you Informer!! Now, ladies and Gentlemen, I'm here with "The Original Outlaw" Vinny D. Mr. Outlaw sir, many people have speculated, and the rumors have been flying around, on the internet as to who exactly is going to be your partner this evening, but nothing is better than hearing it straight from the horses' mouth, so to speak. So, can you please let us know, who will be your partner this evening??
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Rachel, it's called a gameplan...
Rachel Stevens - Yes, b....
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Listen, just quiet down, and listen up. I should have myself a partner for my match tonight, right??
Rachel Stevens - Well, yes, I do suppose tha.....
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Now that we've determined that I should have myself a partner, that must mean that I did the right thing and got myself one, right??
Rachel Stevens - Yes. But I don't see how this has......
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Shhhhh!! Rachel, who do you think my partner is??
Rachel Stevens - With all due respect, I don't think that my opinion is very important right now, we want to know from you.
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - [Smirking] Rachel, listen, and you can trust me on this one, if I do have a partner, you can rest assured that it is someone who knows how to handle themself in the ring, someone who knows the ring like the back of his hand, someone who I can trust. It would have to be someone that I've known for a very long time, and of course, someone I have worked with. With all that in mind Rachel, you will find out the identity of this person when I introduce him, if I ever do. Got it??
Rachel Stevens - I do sir.
Tag Team Match
Arthryn & Eric Walther vs. Vinny D & Mystery PartnerChris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall!
[ "The Outlaw Torn" by Metallica blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'7" and weighing in at 287 pounds, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, "The Original Outlaw" Vinny D!
[ "The Original Outlaw" Vinny D drives out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
The Informer - Big Vinny D is stepping off that HOG! Man, I wonder who his mystery partner is tonight!
Vic Canon - Hey, where's Di Nardo going? He's heading around our way!
Eddie Sensation - NO! Wait… he's heading over to Nicky D!
[ "The Original Outlaw" and "The Diamond Stud" shake hands and embrace in a friendly hug… ]
The Informer - These guys have been friends for quite some time now!
Vic Canon - Whoa, wait a minute… Diamante is in attendance! And Vince has a mystery partner here tonight! Do you think Nicky D is that man?
Eddie Sensation - NO WAY! He laid the law on us earlier!
The Informer - Well, "The Original Outlaw" Vinny D is stepping up into the ring right now, so it won't be long til we find out just who that mystery man is!
Vic Canon - But first... lets go backstage with Rachel Stevens...
Pre-Match Interview with Arthryn & Eric Walther Rachel Stevens - Eric Walther And Arthryn. Today, you guys square off against Vince DiNardo and a Mystery Partner. Are you guys even a bit intimidated by not knowing who this mystery man is?
Eric Walther - Not a bit Miss Stevens. When it really comes down to it, it doesn't matter all that much, does it? No one has managed to best me yet. First Masta Red, and most recently Superstar Don Michaels has felt my wrath. No one's been taking me seriously. It's time for that to change once again.
Rachel Stevens - How about you, Arthryn? Doesn't it make you uneasy at all to have a mystery partner as an opponent? I mean, after all, he has gotten you two a couple of times... [Interrupted]
Arthryn - Look here, Stevens. I don't care if my opponent's name is Serial Thrylla, or whomever. Just like this mother fucker by the name of Vince DiNardo, he's going to have a terrible night. The 2 men you see in front of you are nothing but the cream of the crop. And whoever this mystery guy is, we're going to take the mystery out of him, take a piss on it, and shove it down his throat, and when we're done with him...Vince DiNardo...hahahaha, he's going to be fucked. SO SO fucked.
Rachel Stevens - Strong words there
Arthryn - Oh my Lord! Stevens got herself a brain! No fucking kidding! Strong words used by strong, fucking determined men.
Eric Walther - Wow, I'm impressed. Next thing you know, she'll stop underestimating me, and maybe stop giving me some attitude.
Rachel Stevens - Look, lets get this over with. Any predictions on who will win the main event tonight?
Arthryn - You don't get it! WE ARE THE FUCKING MAIN EVENT! WE ARE THE FUCKING THING! WE ARE THE TOP NOTCH! Team Ballz can go suck on their name 'til, so can Fu Man Cru, Fuck me du, whoever!
Eric Walther - Yeah. It's time to kick ass and take names. And I'm not in the mood to take names. Vincent, you and your partner are going to be sucking mat after we're finished running you over. Bring a fucking army if you want, we all know that the SEALs are better than anything having to do with an army. [Wink] The time of your destruction is upon you. Are you ready?
[ "Hangman Jury" by Aerosmith blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And his opponents... at a total combined weight of 609 pounds, "The Rifleman" Eric Walther and Arthryn!
[ "The Rifleman" Eric Walther and Arthryn step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
Eddie Sensation - Well, 3 guys are in the ring so far... now who the hell is this mystery partner?!
The Informer - We're about to find out!
[ Vinny D grabs a mic... ]
Vic Canon - Wait a minute.... I just noticed something! Vince is wearing a 3D T-Shirt! What the hell is up with that?!
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - You guys just shut up, and stop wonderin, cause I ain't plannin on givin ya any answers...... Now, Arthryn, you and Eric Walther have been sitting in the ring, waiting. Waiting for me to come out here all by myself, cause you both thought that I wouldn't be able to find me a partner. You've had your chuckles little boys, now, it's time for me to have some fun!! HEY, BIG D, LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!!
[ The lights go out once again. This time, red pyro begins to explode in bursts on the ramp from the ring, straight up to the top of the ramp. "The Watcher" by Dr. Dre begins to blare over the PA system, as the fans go wild in anticipation ]
The Informer - Who could this be??
Vic Canon - I don't know, but whoever it is, it better be good!!!
Eddie Sensation - Oh please, it's no one! He's wasting time to cover up the fact that no one would back his sorry ass up tonight, that's all!!
[ All of a sudden, Bigg Daddy Deuce comes out from the back, wearing black cargo pants, doc martin boots, golf framed gargoyle sunglasses, and a black 3D T-Shirt. The fans go wild, and as Deuce meets up with Vinny D they shake hands, and embrace. The noise level in the arena is incredible, the fans are truly going insane ]
The Informer - WOW! DEUCE IS BACK IN THE EWA?!!?!
Vic Canon - I guess he healed from his back injury! Well, we'll find out what kind of shape he's in very soon!
Eddie Sensation - This ain't fair!! Isn't he retired?!? I thought he was crippled!! Wait, I know, it's a well laid plan, Deuce is gonna turn on Vinny D any minute now, you watch, you watch!! Well, by the end of tonight, Deuce will have his hands raised next to Arthryn's, trust me. I feel sorry for The Original Outlaw, let me tell you!!
Vic Canon - GOD!!! Eddie, shut up!!
The Informer - You have both neglected to notice, that both men are wearing 3D T-Shirts!
Vic Canon - No, actually we haven't.
The Informer - Well why haven't you mentioned it yet??
Vic Canon - Because... uhh... THERE'S THE BELL!!!
Eddie Sensation - And all four men are in the ring! We've got a four way brawl here! Deuce and Eric Walther are in one corner... Vinny D and Arthryn in the other!
The Informer - LOOK OUT!!! Arthryn clotheslines Vinny D over the top rope, and onto the cold concrete floor!! But Arthryn follows him out, and lifts him to his feet again!
Vic Canon - Arthryn is dragging Vince towards the backstage area!! And Deuce and Eric Walther are throwing lefts and rights at each other!
Eddie Sensation - Hey! Get a camera back there! Vince and Arthryn are backstage!
The Informer - While we wait for a backstage camera, we'll just call what we see... Deuce against Eric Walther!
Vic Canon - Deuce has Walther in the corner... he whips him to the opposite corner! No!
Eddie Sensation - Walther reverses! He whips Deuce!
The Informer - NO! DEUCE reverses! Walther goes back into the original corner he came from!
Vic Canon - UH OH!!! Walther just nailed the ref!! But it was unintentional!
Eddie Sensation - Deuce kicks Walther in the gut.... POWERBOMB!!
The Informer - MY GOD! WHAT IMPACT! Eric Walther is out in the middle of the ring!
Vic Canon - Wait a minute... I'm being told that we've got a camera in position!
Eddie Sensation - HEY! LOOK! THERE THEY ARE!! THEY'RE ON THE SECOND DECK!!!!
The Informer - THEY'RE FIGHTING PRETTY DAMN CLOSE TO THE RAILING!!! THAT'S VERY DANGEROUS!!! GET THEM AWAY FROM THERE!!
Vic Canon - Arthryn swings for a clothesline! Vince ducks! He grabs Arthryn!
Eddie Sensation - OOOOOOOH SHIT!!!!!!!!! LOOK OUT BELOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Informer - .........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[ Arthryn falls 15-20 feet, crashing into a hot dog stand! The stand collapses instantly, and Arthryn shows no signs of movement. Vinny D stands on the second deck, just staring at the body of Arthryn. Deuce, from the right, openly laughs at Arthryn. He then makes his way through the crowd, towards Arthryn. The announcers are silent... they dont know what to say, or do. After a few seconds, Deuce gets to the body of Arthryn, and puts him over his shoulder. By the time, Vince Di Nardo has already started to make his way back to the ring. Deuce carrys Arthryn to the ring, where the referee is just starting to get up.. ]
Vic Canon - Fans... I... I dont know if Arthryn is okay or not!
Eddie Sensation - God damn! That was some crazy shit! I hope he's fine... he doesnt deserve this!
The Informer - Deuce has now dumped the body of Arthryn into the ring.. the referee is up... and Eric Walther is getting to his feet, on the outside. And here comes Vinny D, from behind the curtains.
Vic Canon - Vince makes his way to the ring, and rolls in.... he looks at the ref... looks at Deuce... and looks at Arthryn. Then, he goes for the cover!
Eddie Sensation - Eric Walther is climbing into the ring!
The Informer - But Deuce is there, and he kicks Walther in the head! The ref counts Vince's pin.... 1......... 2......... 3!
Chris Myers - And the winners of this match... "The Original Outlaw" Vinny D and Deuce!
Vic Canon - Damn! I think Arthryn has been seriously hurt! He still hasn't moved, and he got pinned from that big fall!
Eddie Sensation - Wait! You spoke too soon! Arthryn is moving around... and he's trying to get to his feet!
The Informer - But look at the pain on his face! His back must be in complete pain! But he's fighting to get up, by himself!
Vic Canon - He's rejecting all help from Eric Walther... and the referee! Arthryn is using the ropes to get up... and he's up!
Eddie Sensation - Listen to the crowd!! They're giving Arthryn a round of applause!
The Informer - Oh no! Arthryn has just collapsed to the mat! He's just in TOO MUCH pain!
Vic Canon - Well here comes some paramedics... and I STILL cant beleive Vince would do something like this!
Eddie Sensation - Well you better start beleiving it... because it happened!
Marine Destruction Match
"Shadowhawk" Drew Norwood vs. HowellThe Informer - Fans, up next we have the special Marine Destruction Match! And for those of you that dont know what the hell this is, let me explain.... Howell and Drew Norwood will be entering a large warehouse full of weapons, mines... pretty much EVERYTHING that you can imagine! The winner is the first man to exit the building, and close the door behind him!
Vic Canon - This match is very dangerous... there are DOZENS of mines in there, and if they set off the proper ones... bad things could happen! For example, that whole damn building could collapse!
Eddie Sensation - HA! I'd love to see that happen!
The Informer - Sadly, I know you mean that... Well fans, we're going to get this match started! Howell has already entered the building, but earlier today Rachel Stevens caught up with Howell and got some comments from him.... Check it out.
Pre-Recorded Pre-Match Interview with Howell Rachel Stevens - Howell, tonight at Rock the Boat you will be battling "Shadowhawk" Drew Norwood in a Marine Destruction Match, which by the way is his own match, the last time you fought someone in their own match you did not come out on top. What do you think are your chances in tonight's match?
Howell - First off Rachel, fuck you, fuck Nomad, and fuck Drew Norwood. You think I really care if this is "his match"? No, I couldn't give a shit whose match this is because it involves me now. I mean Norwood you might have your army experience but I know for a fact you have never fought in this match before, but you put your petty mind together and tried to think of a great match that you would know and that I wouldn't, well I am impressed Norwood, I am very impressed that you will actually fight me when there are no rules in the match. I mean after Tuesday Night when I beat you in that No-Interference match, I proved you can't win without your Fearsome 5 together, and tonight without them and without rules, the cards will only get worse for you. You might know a little about mines and explosives, but I know a lot about kicking the shit out of people, and that is a lot more useful then your knowledge Norwood, so tonight when you feel a gun shot wound to your chest, remember it isn't a bullet, it is my hand ripping out your heart!
Rachel Stevens - But Howell, you might have won last week, but you clearly cheated in your match, though the official was distracted, so how can you be so confident about tonight?
Howell - Rachel, understand, that tonight, there are no rules, there is no cheating, if I do exactly what I did on Tuesday Night the match is mine. But you call me a cheater when your american marine hero was about to bash my head in with the steel steps from the ring. It is ok for him to cheat, but not me, right? Well Rachel who won Tuesday Night? ME! Who cheated on Tuesday Night? ME! And is cheating legal tonight? YES! So no matter which way you see it, Drew Norwood has no chance against me, so "Shadowhawk", remember something, never hunt what you can't kill!
Vic Canon - And there's Drew Norwood! Just a few feet away from the warehouse, which he will be entering in a few seconds! But first, I understand that Rachel Stevens has a few questions for Drew via satellite... Rachel, take it away.
Pre-Match Interview with Drew Norwood Rachel Stevens - I am joined here live now via satellite by "Shadowhawk" Drew Norwood and The Phoenix Pentagon. Shadowhawk, first things first. Tuesday night, Howell once again used that lead pipe to get an advantage over you. It seems that each time foreign objects come into play, you get the bad end of the stick, so to speak. What makes you think that tonight will be any different, when there are a multitude of objects just laying around in the warehouse at his disposal.
[ Norwood stares off to the side for a moment. ]
Drew Norwood - You know, my whole life I wanted to be a Marine. When I could only get into the Army, I motivated myself to rise up to the Green Berets. Once there, I finally achieved what I had to set out to do when the Marines requested that the top class of the Green Berets be sent to a new Marine Special Operative Unit.
[ Norwood addresses the camera at last. ]
Drew Norwood - Now, in case you did not understand what that has to do with my match, consider this. I had to suffer some sideroutes before I could get on the straight path to my involvement with the Marine Corps. There were miniature successes along the way, but the ultimate goal topped it all. Tonight, the world gets to witness the correlation I have made into wrestling. You see, Howell has given me some sideroutes to take on my way to EWA success, but make no mistake about it...tonight, it ends for Howell, and my goal of achieving my first victory in EWA will be complete. Tonight, we face off inside this Marine supply warehouse, filled with electrical mines and of course the explosive mines on the walls. Howell, there is no possible way that you can live up to your end of the bargain tonight. You claim that the ring is your realm, but resort to underhanded tactics to beat me? Well, tonight, we step into MY realm and I will do nothing less than destroy you...
[ Norwood's facial expression turns to one of contemptuous anger. ]
Drew Norwood - ...and the building in which we shall be fighting. So as we prepare to face off inside this place, you must take a look inside your soul...take a look at your soon to be broken and bruised body...take a look at your surroundings...and ask yourself this question...
[ The camera zooms in on Norwood's face. ]
Drew Norwood - Are you prepared for your FINAL Silent Flight?
[ Norwood and the others walk off and the scene switches back to Stevens. ]
Rachel Stevens - Guys, if I didn't know better, I'd say that it's Norwood with some "malicious intents" in store for Howell tonight...back to you guys at ringside.
Eddie Sensation - And here we go! Norwood is in the building, and the door is shut!
The Informer - We have 2 referee's standing outside the door, to make sure that no un-wanted guests get inside.
Vic Canon - Damn, that place is pretty huge! Look at all the stuff in there.... cars, shovels, bats, chairs, crates, 2x4's, tables, ropes, steel pipes... and lots more! Its going to be a war in that damn place!
Eddie Sensation - Wait a minute! The lights just went out! I cant see anything except black!
The Informer - Hey! Did you hear that?! It sounds like something's going on in there! I can hear Norwood yell in pain every few seconds!
Vic Canon - I just heard it too! Wait a minute.. now I hear footsteps! And the lights are now back on! Look! Drew Norwood is laying on the concrete floor... and there's Howell! He has a lead pipe in his hand! Oh no! Dont tell me he already assaulted Norwood with that pipe!
Eddie Sensation - Vic, your stupidity annoys me! Howell has Drew Norwood on his feet now... and he whips him into a wall! Norwood goes back down!
The Informer - Now Howell is throwing things around.... what an idiot! One of those objects could hit a mine, and both of them could be toast!
Vic Canon - Howell picks up Norwood, and applies a stong head lock! Howell runs, with Norwood's head exposed.... OOOH!!! RIGHT INTO THE SIDE OF A CAR!!!! HOWELL JUST DROVE NORWOOD'S HEAD INTO A CAR! HIS NECK COULD BE BROKEN!
Eddie Sensation - HAHA!! YES!! YES!! I WANT MORE!!!
The Informer - And more is what you're going to get! Because Howell has him back in a head lock, and he's running in the opposite direction!
KABOOM! Vic Canon - OH MY GOD!!!!! HOWELL JUST HIT ONE OF THOSE MINES!!!!! ALL I CAN SEE IS SMOKE!!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - HOLY SHIT! THAT WAS NUTS!!!! FOR ALL WE KNOW, THEY COULD BE DEAD!!!
The Informer - AND YOU WANT MORE OF THIS EDDIE?!?! GOD DAMN! THIS IS INSANE! HOW CAN THE EWA LET THIS GO ON????
Vic Canon - One word, Informer!
Eddie Sensation - RATINGS!
Vic Canon - EXACTLY!
The Informer - Well, I'm sure the families of Drew Norwood and Howell aren't too happy about this match....
Vic Canon - Anyway, the smoke is starting to clear up a bit.... GOOD LORD! LOOK AT HOWELL! HE LANDED 20 FEET AWAY FROM WHERE THAT MINE EXPLODED!!!
Eddie Sensation - But Norwood is in the same spot! It looks like Howell took all the punishment!
The Informer - I think you're right Eddie... because "Shadowhawk" Drew Norwood is getting to his feet!
Vic Canon - Norwood walks up to Howell, and picks up his lifeless body!! Norwood sets him up.... WHAM! OOOH!! DOUBLE UNDERHOOK DDT! RIGHT INTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!
Eddie Sensation - God damn! Howell's going to have one hell of a concussion after this match!
The Informer - But Norwood isn't done! He's setting up a wooden crate on the floor, beside Howell! He picks up Howell... sets him up.... LOOK OUT!
Vic Canon - OOOH!!! GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB!!!! RIGHT ONTO THAT CRATE!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - HA! I love it! Senseless brutality at its best!
The Informer - Drew Norwood is letting out all his anger on Howell!! And now what's he doing?? Norwood is climbing a ladder, heading for the upper level of this warehouse!
Vic Canon - Thats dangerous up there! He shouldn't be anywhere near there! This warehouse is for storage purposes ONLY! He could get seriously injured from up there!
Eddie Sensation - HA! Like he cares! Howell is getting to his feet, very slowly! He's still in bad shape from that DDT, and the Powerbomb on the crate!
The Informer - LOOK OUT! NORWOOD JUST JUMPED!!!!!
Vic Canon - OOOH!!!! BIRDS EYE VIEW!!!!!! HE NAILED HOWELL FROM THE SECOND LEVEL!!!!!!!!
KABOOM! Eddie Sensation - OH MY GOD!!!!!! AGAIN!!!!!! THIS TIME NORWOOD HIT THE MINE!!!!!!
The Informer - THIS IS SICK!!!!! THIS IS INSANE!!!!! SOMEONE STOP THIS MATCH!!!!!!
Vic Canon - NO WAY!!! KEEP IT GOING!!!! Just get rid of those damn mines!
Eddie Sensation - HA! You're retarded Vic!
The Informer - Well, once again... the warehouse has FILLED with smoke! We cant see Norwood or Howell... who knows if they're alive!
Vic Canon - This match has gone on for a bit over 15 minutes now... and these guys dont have much left in them! After two mines have exploded out of nowhere, who knows when the next one will go off! Hell, they might not even survive the next explosion!
Eddie Sensation - Damn! That wouldn't be good... Stone would be in some major shit!
The Informer - Yeah... to summerize it. Well it looks like Howell is slowly getting to his feet... how? I have no idea!
Vic Canon - Howell approaches the body of Drew Norwood... he lifts him to his feet... MALICIOUS INTENT! MALICIOUS INTENT! HOWELL HAS IT LOCKED ON!
Eddie Sensation - Why are you flipping out?! That means SHIT! Norwood is already out cold! He doesn't feel a thing!
The Informer - Good point Eddie... And I think Howell just realized that... because he released the hold. Now where's he going?
Vic Canon - Howell is walking around... looking for something! He approaches a large object... covered by a huge blanket! Whats under there?
Eddie Sensation - We're about to find out! Howell is uncovering the area....
The Informer - Oh god! There are two large foreclifts under there! What the hell does he plan on doing with those?!
Vic Canon - We're about to find out! Howell gets into the drivers seat... turns on the engine... and starts moving! He's heading straight for that pile of wooden crates!
Eddie Sensation - Aaaaaaaaand he's got 'em!
The Informer - Howell is now driving around a large foreclift, carrying a load of wodden crates! And he's heading straight for the body of Drew Norwood!
KABOOM! Vic Canon - OH GOOD GOD!!!!! HOWELL JUST RAN OVER A MINE!!!! HE COULD BE DEAD!!! THAT MACHINE COULD HAVE BLOWN UP!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - But we can't see SHIT ALL! Because of all this damn smoke!
The Informer - Howell had the match won, right there! Norwood was in a bad position, and Howell could have pinned him to the ground with those crates, and headed for the door!!
Vic Canon - But, those damn mines! That's the third one tonight! And hopefully the last!
Eddie Sensation - SCREW YOU! I WANT MORE!!!
The Informer - Well, the smoke is starting to clear up.... Damn! That foreclift is a few feet back! It must have rolled around a bit, then landed where it is now!
Vic Canon - Is Howell alive in there? I cant see him at all! And the foreclift is in bad shape!
Eddie Sensation - Yeah, there's Howell now! He's getting up! Damn.. the foreclift must have taken most of the impact! He's lucky it didnt explode!
The Informer - Oh great! Howell is heading for that OTHER foreclift! He's in, and it's moving!
Vic Canon - This time he's heading straight for Norwood, with no wooden crates!
Eddie Sensation - The moron better watch out... if he hits another mine, I'll crown him king of the idiots! AND, I'll piss my pants!
The Informer - He's only a few feet away now... no mines so far! ....and he's there! Now what the hell is he doing?! It looks like he's putting Norwood's body on the damn foreclift arms, and he's lifting it up in the air!
Vic Canon - I think he's trying to load Norwood onto that second level! But Norwood is out cold, and the only other way up there is to climb a ladder! Howell is using his head!
Eddie Sensation - For once...
The Informer - Well, the foreclift is at full height... and Howell has shut it off! He's heading for that ladder!
Vic Canon - Oh god... I can already sense something bad is going to happen here....
Eddie Sensation - And Howell is now on the second level!! He's walking over to the body of Drew Norwood... and he's dragging him somewhere...
The Informer - OH SHIT! Howell has dragged Norwood over to a spot DIRECTLY over a car! This doesnt look good!
Vic Canon - Howell is setting him up for a powerbomb!
Eddie Sensation - OOOH SHIT!!! RUN NORWOOD! RUN!!!!
The Informer - Wait! Norwood with an uppercut to the jaw of Howell! Howell staggers back... Norwood goes back, and stands behind Howell!
Vic Canon - Now Howell's back is towards that car! This isn't good!
Eddie Sensation - Norwood charges at Howell! LOOK OUT!!!!!!
SMASH! The Informer - OH GOOD GOD!!!!!!!! HOWELL BACK BODY DROPPED NORWOOD OFF THAT SECOND LEVEL, STRAIGHT THREW THE ROOF OF THE CAR!!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - JESUS H. CHRIST!!!!! SOMEONE CALL THE PARAMEDICS!!!! THESE TWO ARE GOING TO NEED SOME HELP AFTER THIS MATCH!!!!
Eddie Sensation - HA!! LOOK!!!! THEY KNOCKED THE HUB CAPS OFF THE TIRES!!! THEY'RE ROLLING AROUND!!!!
KABOOM! The Informer - HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!! ONE OF THOSE HUB CAPS JUST HIT A MINE!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - Howell is perfectly safe, on the second level! But Norwood might have got nailed by that one!!
Eddie Sensation - Once again, TOO MUCH SMOKE! I cant see SHIT!
The Informer - Well, we can do nothing but wait... This has been a GREAT match so far fans!
Vic Canon - So has this night! And we're only 4 matches in!
Eddie Sensation - Hey, it's starting to clear up! Can you see anything?!
The Informer - GOOD GOD!!!!! THAT CAR TIPPED OVER!!!! THE CAR IS ON ITS SIDE!!!!
Vic Canon - But look! Norwood is on his getting to his feet! I guess the car blocked most of the impact!
Eddie Sensation - Then he's lucky! Look at Howell! He's stunned! He thought Norwood was dead or something!
The Informer - Now Howell is climbing down from the second level... and Norwood is still struggling to get to his feet!
Vic Canon - Howell is making his way down the ladder... and Norwood has drifted towards the middle of the building! He's standing beside a table, which is full of all kinds of stuff!
Eddie Sensation - Norwood clears the contents off the table... but what he doesnt realize, is that Howell is standing behind him!
The Informer - Howell grabs Norwood.... OOH!!! LOW BLOW BY NORWOOD! He grabs Howell.... RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP!
Vic Canon - DAMN! I think Howell's head bounced off the concrete floor! But Norwood doesnt care... he's climbing on top of a jeep!
Eddie Sensation - HA! Norwood is standing on top of that jeep.. and Howell is on one knee, struggling to get to his feet!
The Informer - Howell is up! Norwood jumps! OOOH!!! BIRDS EYE VIEW!!! HOWELL GOES DOWN!!!
Vic Canon - But Norwood quickly gets up! He walks over to a pile of tables... and picks up one. He walks back over to the other table... and sets up a second table beside it!
Eddie Sensation - No! Norwood is putting it ON TOP of the other table! We now have 2 stacked tables!
The Informer - Now Norwood has a step ladder... and he's got it setup in front of those tables, and now he's dragging Howell over towards them.
Vic Canon - That step ladder brings their waists to the same level as the top table... who knows what Norwood is going to do!
Eddie Sensation - Norwood has Howell up on the step ladder... He grabs him....
The Informer - .....!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOH!!!!!!!! SILENT FLIGHT, THREW BOTH TABLES!!!!!!!!!!
Vic Canon - DAMN!!!! THERE'S WOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!
Eddie Sensation - Howell is out cold! But Norwood's down too!
The Informer - I think Howell took most of that impact, Eddie...
Vic Canon - Yep! Look! Norwood is crawling away from the mess! He better be careful... if he hits one of those mines, he'll get killed!
Eddie Sensation - HA! That would be nasty! Blood and guts all over the place! Yuck!
The Informer - Norwood is on his feet, and it looks like he's headed for the door!
Vic Canon - The only thing stopping him are those damn mines! Howell wont be getting up for a while!!!
Eddie Sensation - Aaaaaaaand..... HE'S OUT!! NORWOOD WINS!
The Informer - Drew Norwood has defeated Howell in the Marine Destruction Match! But now what's he doing?!
Vic Canon - It looks like Norwood is padlocking the door!!
Eddie Sensation - Look! The Phoenix Pentagon and Sean Waltzer are waiting their in a jeep! They were right outside the door all along!
The Informer - We'll the door is now locked......
[ Norwood starts to smile as he looks inside the window of the building where Howell is still laying unconscious. He methodically marches over to the stand where the remote sits, turns to face the building with the remote in his hand. ]
Drew Norwood - Howell, you want to call me a p*ssy? You think I never killed anyone in the name of the United States during the conflicts of which I took part? Well, now you understand perhaps that not only did I defend this great country, but now I have successfully defended the honor and tradition of the EWA by defeating you and burying you like I promised.
[ Norwood flips the cover on the switch, salutes the Phoenix crew, then hits the switch. The building spontaneously implodes from the mines being set off as Norwood stands at attention. The dust from the collapsing of the building fills the desert sky, and when it finally settles, Norwood stands saluting the pile of rubble that is left. ]
Drew Norwood - Howell, looks like you were never really prepared for your Silent Flight, nor for your Marine Destruction...
[ A sense of sarcasm comes into Norwood's voice. ]
Drew Norwood - ...sir.
[ Norwood drops the salute as the Phoenix crew comes over to celebrate with him as the satellite feed is now shifted back to the cruise ship. ]
Vic Canon - OH MY..... MY..... MY GOD!!!!!!! HE JUST BLEW UP THAT DAMN BUILDING!!!
Eddie Sensation - AND HOWELL WAS STILL INSIDE!!! DAMN!!!!! HE'S DEAD!! HAHA!!
The Informer - THATS NOT FUNNY EDDIE!!!! HE COULD BE DEAD!!!!
Vic Canon - GET SOME DAMN HELP OVER THERE!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - Damn!! Calm the fuck down guys!!
The Informer - He could be dead for all we know! I will not calm down!
Eddie Sensation - Just call the rest of the damn show! Forget it happened!
Vic Canon - I guess he's right... the show must go on....
Backstage... [ The scene resumes above decks on one of the ship's tennis courts. There's a crowd of people gathered around The $uperstar Don Michaels, and his valet Jeanine Trujillo. Michaels pays no attention to these fans, he's in a deep conversation with someone via a mobile phone. ]
Don Michaels - Will you hurry up and get here! I don't know how much longer I can't duck Hayes forever. [pause] OK, can you even see the cruise-ship? You can, good. Now..
[ Suddenly Lorenzo Hayes bursts into the scene, scattering the crowd which has been gathering around The $uperstar. Hayes is pissed! ]
Don Michaels - [Gulp] I've gotta go now, just get out here already!
[ As Michaels disconnects his cell phone Hayes lunges at Michaels. ]
Vic Canon - LORENZO HAS CAUGHT DON!
The Informer - They're engaging with fearsome punches! But Lorenzo seems to be getting the better of The $uperstar!
[ Lorenzo who has the advantage is throwing in left and rights into the stomach of Don Michaels. Don Michaels seems to be winded falls to the ground and as he does Lorenzo begins to stomp Don Michaels with his boots. ]
Eddie Sensation - Lorenzo picks Don up to his feet and he looks like he wants to hit Michaels with a tiger bomb!
Vic Canon - If he does, Don is going to hit hard onto the hard wooden deck!
The Informer - Wait a minute! Theirs the paparazzi! Lorenzo has noticed then and has let go of Don Michaels! Lorenzo is running towards all of the paparazzi!
Eddie Sensation - WAIT A MINUTE! Lorenzo just picked up a deck chair and is proceeding to hit all of the lackey's with it!
Vic Canon - Look at all of the paparazzi, they're all lying down on the deck helpless!
Don Michaels - Good God you guys are pathetic!
Lorenzo Hayes - Yes they are, but so are you! Say your prayers Don!
[ Lorenzo Hayes slowly begins to walk towards Don Michaels. Don Michaels grabs Jeanine in his arms, smiles at Hayes, then turns back to Hayes. ]
Don Michaels - I'm always going to be one step ahead of you Hayes.
Jeanine Trujillo - What the heck are you doing Don?
[ Michaels cradles Jeanine in his arms turns around and JUMPS OFF THE SHIP INTO THE WATER! ]
The Informer - OH MY GOD! DON MICHAELS MIGHT HAVE JUST KILLED HIMSELF!
Eddie Sensation - He just jumped into the water! I can't believe what I just saw!
Vic Canon - Look at Lorenzo Hayes, he has a look of shock on his face!
[ Cameraman peers over the edge, and shows Don Michaels and Jeanine Trujillo dog paddling towards a black and gold speed-boat. Hayes continues to watch as the two drag themselves onto the deck of the speed boat. Don Michaels can be heard laughing at Hayes as the boat begins to head back to shore. ]
Lorenzo Hayes - You got away this time Don, but remember this Don; PAYBACK IS A BITCH and you are about to go into Lorenzo Hayes's world where ShowTime occurs all the time! "ThE kInG oF gLiTz AnD gLaMoUr" always wins, and Don you are going to learn this first hand!
[ We go back to the ring where Johnny Bones is standing in the ring along with Tito Santana, Jimmy Snuka, Abdullah the Butcher and Mike "Virgil" Jones. The Legends are in suits. Bones opens a small box. ]
Johnny Bones - Ladies and Gentlemen, at the request of this man. We made it possible to dedicate a hall of fame to these four wrestling legends. Lets put it up for "Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood.
[ Thurgood walks out of crowd with a suit on. ]
Johnny Bones - Our first inductee.. ladies and gentlemen, let's put it up for VIRGIL!
[ Virgil's WWF theme plays as he holds his hands up in victory. The music stops and Virgil is handed a mic. ]
Mike 'Virgil' Jones - I am so proud to be the first inductee to the Mr. Wrestling VIII wrestling hall of fame. This will go as one of my biggest accomplishments. Right beside beating Ted Dibiase and teaming with Randy Savage and Scott Norton to beat the Steiners and Ray Traylor. From the beginning, I was just a servant of Ted Dibiase and trust me, that was the best time of my life. Sure I was holding 100 dollar bills but that was the most money I have held to that time. When I was forced to finally beat down Ted Dibiase for the black man, I became the number one good guy in the WWF. At that time, I was even more popular than Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. When the WWF decided that I was too much of a positive influence and my cheers dwarfed Hulk Hogan's then I was put in the ring with convicts and fat Samoans. I had to work to feed myself and my 17 kids. I eventually went to WCW where I was covered up in the NWO. Even if I was just the token black guy in the NWO, the people remembered me and still cheered me when I was in the ring with the Steiners and other people. Eventually WCW being a bunch of biggot Virgil-haters put me against lousy competetition. If WCW weren't a bunch of klan members than I would be the WCW world champion today but no.. they have a white man holding that belt.
[ Thurgood nudges Virgil and whispers in his ear. ]
Virgil - WHAT? Booker T is the champion? HOT DAMN! I gotta see if I could come back because I could whup that niggas ass.
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - Ladies and Gentlemen, VIRGIL!
[ The crowd barely reacts. ]
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - our next speaker.. JIMMY 'SUPERFLY' SNUKA!
SUPA-SUPA-SUPAFLY [ Jimmy Snuka gets a mic while his music stops ]
Jimmy Snuka - Peoples always stop me on the street and ask me what it's like to be a human mummy. I am forced to take them out. It's a fact that in 1985, I was just like Chris Benoit. I remember in New York when I german suplexed Roddy Piper and I hit the Burning Hammer on Bob Orton. Back then, it was called the Superfly Hammer. I remember that I was one of the dudes on Hulk Hogan's Rock'n'Wrestling. It should have been called Jimmy Snuka's Rock'n'Wrestling because I was the number one star in the WWF.
Virgil - DAMNIT! You motherfucker, I was the number one star and you know it! YOU CAN SUCK MY BLACK DICK!
Jimmy Snuka - Virgil, you were snipping Ted Dibiase's toenails while I was winning titles all around the world. Does the truth hurt Virgil? I faced the Undertaker and I nearly beat the Undertaker also. You didn't come close to beating Nailz.
Virgil - FUCK YOU! Nailz was someones bitch in prison and he beat me with a choke sleeper. What about Yokozuna? I kicked his fat ass all around the ring. FUCK YOU JIMMY SNUKA!
[ Thurgood separates Snuka and Virgil as Abdullah shuffles his notecards. ]
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - our next inductee.. ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER!
[ Abdullah shrugs as no music plays ]
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - damnit, whom forgot the theme for Abdullah? Play anything..
"AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMERICAN DREEEEEEEEEEAM" [ Abdullah puts a cigar in his mouth. ]
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - are you gonna talk?
Tito Santana - Mr. Thurgood, I don't think Abdullah talks.
[ Abdullah hands a note card to Thurgood. ]
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - ladies and gentlemen, introducing the man to read Abdullah's speech.
[ Abdullah hands another note to Thurgood. ]
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - fuck off and die?
[ Abdullah starts going after Johnny Bones with his fork ]
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - our last speaker, TITO SANTANA!
[ Tito gets a mic. ]
Tito Santana - OLAY! I came here tonight to say that there are no friends in wrestling, only enemies and in the Royal Rumble, I hope to blend in with the canvas and win the WWF title because 1992 is my year!
[ Abdullah smacks Tito ]
Tito Santana - Sorry, I was in a timewarp. Over my career, i've been in the NFL with the Kansas City Chiefs as a Tight End and what did they call me? EL MATADOR. When I was in Mid-South, THEY CALLED ME EL MATADOR. When I was in the WWF, they called me EL MATADOR! Fuck Pete Rozelle, Fuck Marv Levy, Fuck Vince McMahon, Fuck Bill Watts, Fuck Rick Martel, Fuck Nick Diamante, Fuck the Informer, Fuck Randy Savage, Fuck Danny Davis, Fuck me, Fuck you and Fuck Tom Stone.
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - that's nice. Considering that you said fuck 12 times. Now, I have a surprise for you..
[ A Familar theme begins to play.. Suddenly 5 guys playing the Village People jump out. ]
Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground
I said, young man, 'cause your in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy
Young man, there's a place you can go
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
They have everything For young men to enjoy.
You can hang out with all the boys.[ Suddenly the lights go out and we see this on the big screen ]
Vic Canon - CRISQO?
The Informer - CRISQO?
[ We see a fat man under a big pink and white robe walk out. He gets to the ring and Thurgood gets the mic. ]
The Informer - he's gonna sink the boat!
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - HE IS CRISQO! UNLEASH THE SLOTH! CRISQO! TIME TO KILL! VIRGIL!
[ Crisqo runs across the ring and splashs Virgil as the other 3 get to ringside. ]
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - Stay around, it's a gauntlet match.
Crisqo vs. Virgil
Vic Canon - I guess we have a imprompteau match here..
The Informer - yeah.. 4 imprompteau matches..
Vic Canon - do you have any clue about the third guy on this team?
Eddie Sensation - I'm right here..
Vic Canon - Crisqo with a ax kick on Virgil. Virgil with a kick and he's going for a cobra clutch. Virgil has the Cobra Clutch on and Crisqo moves into the corner. Crisqo kicks Virgil and a Urinage. Choke Slam on Virgil and he drags Virgil to the corner.
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - THONGAN DEATH DROP!
Vic Canon - Banzai Drop! One.. Two.. Three
Vic Canon - and here comes Jimmy Snuka!
Crisqo vs. Jimmy Snuka
Thud Vic Canon - he just ran into Crisqo and down he goes! Snuka back up and he's asking for a test of strength with Crisqo. Snuka with his hands up and Crisqo kicks him low. Snuka has some tape and he's trying to choke Crisqo! Snuka trying to lift Crisqo up for a suplex and Crisqo falls on him. One.... Two..... Snuka musters a foot on the rope.
The Informer - damnit, that should have killed Snuka.
Vic Canon - I thought that also. Crisqo yanks Snuka up. Snuka with a eyepoke. Eye gouge by Snuka. Snuka is choking Crisqo on the ropes. Low blow on Crisqo. Backbreaker on Crisqo! Snuka is holding up those hands. He's signaling for the Superfly Splash!
The Informer - Snuka could beat The Crisqo.
Vic Canon - Snuka off the turnbuckle. Wait, Thurgood just crotched Snuka on the top rope. Snuka falls into the ring. Crisqo with a Bonzai Drop! ...One... Two... Three!
Crisqo vs. Abdullah the Butcher
Vic Canon - Abdullah has the fork, he swings and a miss. Crisqo with a low blow. Belly to Belly Suplex on Abdullah.
The Informer - Abdullah should start bleeding after that low blow.
Vic Canon - Abdullah is getting up. Lariat by Abdullah. SUDANESE ELBOWDROP! Thurgood is dragging Abby away. Wait-a-minute... Crisqo has a chair! Chairshot on Abdullah the Butcher! He has a two handed choke hold on.
The Informer - is he gonna try to chokeslam Abby?
Vic Canon - He barely has him up and he drops him.
The Informer - Abby's beached!
Vic Canon - THONGAN DEATH BUTT DROP ON ABDULLAH! One.... Two.... Three!
Vic Canon - Crisqo has defeated two legends and Virgil here. He has to get though Tito Santana
Crisqo vs. Tito Santana
Vic Canon - Santana whips Crisqo into the ropes and a Crisqo Attack on Santana. Santana hits Crisqo with a right hand and he's going for a bodyslam, CAN HE SLAM THE MAMMOTH ON THIS BOAT?
The Informer - Shutup..
Vic Canon - Crisqo falls on him.. one.. two.. kickout.. Santana hits Crisqo low. Santana to the top rope. FLYING FOREARM! He's going back up. FLYING FOREARM! Santana back up. ANOTHER FLYING FOR--CHOKESLAM BY CRISQO! Crisqo lays out Santana in the corner. Appearently he's going for his CrisqoBomb. CRISQOBOMB! One... Two... Three!
"Mr. Wrestling VIII" Adam Thurgood - CRISQO IS UNSTOPPABLE! FOUR LEGENDS GO DOWN! MANY LEGENDS ARE LEFT! FEAR CRISQO! UNLEASH THE SLOTH! CRISQO!
Pre-Match Interview with Tiki Tortez [ The camera fades in from the choppy waves of this EWA cruise to settle in on one of the cabins within the boat itself. The label on the door reads "23" and has the name "Tiki Tortez" as a sticker under it. The door then slides open as Rachel Stevens steps inside. She sees Tortez sitting on the bench as she greets him. ]
Rachel Stevens - Hello Mr. Tortez...
[ Tiki sits on a bench, it is obvious he is getting a little seasick. ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [Startled] Wha...what do you want?
Rachel Stevens - I'm sorry...I am here to interview you before your match.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Can't it wait? [getting groggy]
Rachel Stevens - Umm...not really. Your match is in just a few short minutes.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Really...are you serious?
Rachel Stevens - Yes I am. Actually, as soon as we are done with this interview, you are going in.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Aw, this is fu[bleep]ed up! I am too good for this shit.
Rachel Stevens - Well, this is a very challenging match...even you may not be able to win this one.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Are you kidding me...this is going to be a piece of cake!
Rachel Stevens - How is that?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Look at the guys, you have Divine...a flaming faggot, El Gigante...a Mexican moron, and Travis Gaines...I'll just leave it at that.
Rachel Stevens - Well, Divine is a recent Heavyweight Contender, El Gigante is a former Tag-team champion, and Travis Gaines is Travis Gaines.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Give me a break, and I was winless (0-0) at one time, but does that mean I suck? Hell no, I am 6-0 right now, and damn proud of it.
Rachel Stevens - That's true. So, what are you looking for in this match?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - I'm not looking for anything except for a win. But in this match, I know what is going to happen, I know I am not going to lose. It is just that simple. I can't keep repeating myself over and over again, but I know for a fact that I will win.
Rachel Stevens - No one here underestimates your strength, but this is a very awkward match. In order to win this match, all 3 of your opponents must be pinned or submitted. I mean, you could be just finished pinning someone like Gaines, and all of a sudden Divine sneaks up from behind and rolls you up for the pin. This is a match that could just end like that.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - For one thing, I will NEVER let Divine sneak up from behind. There are too many positions for him to begin with from back there.
Rachel Stevens - Ouch, but you are striking away the obvious here. The obvious thing is that a win could come from someone else.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Were you paying any attention at all to me? I said I am going to win...that's that!
Rachel Stevens - Whatever...so...
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Did you just say whatever?
Rachel Stevens - Well, yeah.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Don't ever say that to me bitch! What I say goes, and that is what will happen, no matter what anyone else says.
Rachel Stevens - [Offended] You better not call me a bitch Tortez, or I will kick the shit out of you!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Ha...you? Give me a break, you're just a chick living in a man's world.
Rachel Stevens - Screw you, I am just as good as anyone here...including you.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Is that so?
Rachel Stevens - Yeah!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [Snickers] Whatever...you ready to finish this interview up?
Rachel Stevens - Argh...yeah, I have one more question.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Ask away bitch [smiles]
Rachel Stevens - [Smiles back] Shut up...my final question is what is your motive for tonight?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - What part of tonight?
Rachel Stevens - The match of course!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Well, my motive is to win.
Rachel Stevens - Do you have a more detailed approach?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - [Sighs] Well, my main motive tonight is to put Gaines in the hospital, make Divine realize that he is a fag who needs help, and beat the living shit out of El Gigante. Tonight is my night to improve myself. I am sick and tired of watching others (a.k.a. Chandler/Thorn/Fu Man Crew) get tossed above the rest and claim that being World Title material is so much better than being Extreme Title material. All of us know that if Chandler were to step into the ring with me he would get his ass kicked in 0.5 seconds. I am the icon of the Extreme Division, and I am quite possibly the most talented wrestler here in the EWA. Many people try to hide the fact that I am the best by tossing me aside, but enough is enough and it is time for a change. I am taking the EWA to a new level tonight! The EWA will never be the same...and after tonight, I will take the Extreme Division to a spot it was never given before. I am the icon of this division, and tonight, my icon shall expand to a society like none other.
Rachel Stevens - Ok, I am going to have to interrupt you here. What is it with this new "society" you are talking about?
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - After my match, you'll get your answer...everyone will.
Rachel Stevens - So, you don't plan on telling me.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Sorry, but no.
Rachel Stevens - Fine, then...forget it. This interview is over.
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Is it?
Rachel Stevens - Yeah!
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Are you sure?
Rachel Stevens - Yes! Bye Tortez...
[ Rachel storms out of the room and slams the door behind her. Tiki remains in his room as a smirk crosses his face. He tosses on his wrestling outfit and prepares for battle. ]
EWA Extreme Title Four Way Elimination Match
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez vs. Divine vs. Travis Gaines vs. El GiGanteThe Informer - And those were words of the man who will be defending his title against THREE OPPONENTS tonight... Tiki Tortez!
Vic Canon - We'll get words from all the other participants, but first, lets send it to Chris Myers!
Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Four Way EWA Extreme Title Match, with Elimination Rules applying! The last man standing will be crowned the EWA Extreme Champion!
[ "Break Out" by Foo Fighters blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by Trè Parker, standing 6'6" and weighing in at 252 pounds, from Lisbon, New York, the EWA Extreme Champion, "Tricky" Tiki Tortez!
[ Trè Parker and the EWA Extreme Champion, "Tricky" Tiki Tortez step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
Eddie Sensation - I'll be the first to admit... THIS GUY IS PRETTY DAMN GOOD!
The Informer - Haha! You hit the nail on the head with that one Eddie!
Vic Canon - Lets send it backstage!
Pre-Match Interview with Travis Gaines [ The scene opens with an EWA camera man and camera crew following Rachel Stevens backstage. She has a mic in her hand as she approaches a door and knocks. A voice on the other side says "Come in", so she enters the room. The camera focuses in on Travis Gaines who is lacing up his black wrestling boots. He has a different outfit tonight, a white wrestling singlet, across the front "TG" in red. He stands up as his hair is dripping wet, he has a white EWA towel around his neck as he stands up beside Rachel. He puts his arm around her but she slides out from underneath, with a serious look on her face. ]
Rachel Stevens - Travis, any words for your match tonight?
Travis Gaines - Rachel, Can't you feel the tension in the air, Tonight is the four way for the extreme title, almost a crossroad in my carear, a Chance at gold, it may be hardcore gold, it may not be the title gaines is after, But there will be more in the future, more gold, more wins, and more title shots, the EWA can't hold me back, Stone knows talent when he see's it, thats why I'm here. The battle on the boat, will be one to remember.
Rachel Stevens - Well I guess Gaines just summed it up, back to ringside.
[ "I Defy" by Machine Head blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Next... standing 5'11" and weighing in at 230 pounds, from Sea Isle City, New Jersey, Travis "The Future" Gaines!
[ Travis "The Future" Gaines steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
Eddie Sensation - This guy needs to work on his attitude first... THEN he can start focusing on titles!
The Informer - DAMN Eddie! I NEVER thought I'd hear you say those words!
Pre-Match Interview with El GiGante [ The scene fades to the outside of El GiGante's dressing room. GiGante and his bodyguard ZOOMER are leaning against a wall. Rachel Stevens with a cordless microphone in her hand slowly makes her way up to them. ]
El GiGante - Damn you looking hott tonight chica!
Rachel Stevens - Why thank you Mr. GiGante. But I need to get a pre-match interview with you right now.
El GiGante - Damn I'd jump over you in a heart beat chica!
Rachel Stevens - No Mr. GiGante I have a husband, a very large husband.
El GiGante - Yeah well go f*ck husband den. I'll whoop his white @#$ esa.
Rachel Stevens - Yeah well me and him did it a couple times last night... But anyway lets do this interview. You ready?
El GiGante - Of course when is El GiGante not ready.
[ Pause ]
Rachel Stevens - Mr. GiGante tonight at Rock The Boat you are facing Divine, Travis Gaines and the current extreme champion "Tricky" Tiki Tortez. How do you think you'll fair against 3 great competitors in Divine, Gaines and Tiki?
El GiGante - First of meng those 3 ain't great competitors. They all pretty much SUCK! Tortez is just a luck little bastard. Damn esa your so lucky I had your @#$ beat on Heat but that faggot and that other faggot had to help you. If it wasn't for them meng I would be da the supreme Extreme Champion. Without a doubt I am the one picked to win this little match meng. No one can stop me El GiGante the eXtreme LEGEND. Gaines blows, he can't do s*it. Divine likes playing with other guys gentiles so he shouldn't be a problem. I'll just throw his homo @#$ in the crowd and den he could play with all the fans. And Tortez, well let me be blunt Mrs. Stevens..... Tortez is a lucky non-extreme b*tch. Tonight Tortez I take whats rightfully mine meng!
Rachel Stevens - Those were some very harsh words Mr. GiGante....
El GiGante - Yes because I am a very harsh man.
Rachel Stevens - But you are very small.
El GiGante - Wait! You did not just call me small now did you b*tch?
Rachel Stevens - Huh? Wait did you just call me a bitch?
El GiGante - Yes I did ya dumb blonde!
[ Rachel walks closer up to GiGante as she's gonna do something but ZOOMER El's bodyguard pushes her back. He holds her back so nothing happens. After a few moments she fixes her hair and goes on with the interview. ]
Rachel Stevens - Well sorry for the profanities and bad behavior.... I'd just like to know what the deal is between you, Tortez, Divine and Gaines?
El GiGante - Nothing really chica. Were just all competing for the Extreme title and the only one will attain that gold will be El GiGante esa. Now how bout ya bank on that one brotha! Were out!
Rachel Stevens - There you have it.... Back to you guys!
[ "Rap Superstar" by Cypress Hill blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Next... accompanied to the ring by Zoomer, standing 5'10" and weighing in at 175 pounds, from Brooklyn, New York, El GiGante!
[ Zoomer and El GiGante step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
Vic Canon - Here comes El GiGante... MY PICK of the night!
Eddie Sensation - HA! What a choice! That dirty mexican doesnt have a chance!
The Informer - EDDIE! WATCH IT! We're LIVE on Pay-Per-View in Mexico as well, you know!
Pre-Match Interview with Divine Rachel Stevens - Divine, tonight you've got a shot at the EWA Extreme title, but it's against three other men! Travis Gaines, El Gigante, and the EWA Extreme Champion himself, Tiki Tortez!
Divine - Yes Rachel, I'm well aware that in a few moments I will be in the ring...with three...sweaty...pulsating...beautiful men!! And I'm also aware that this isnt just any match, it's an Extreme title match! Just look, I'm prepare!! Take a look....
[ Divine's hands are wrapped in pink tape with tiny pink ribbons above each finger. He reaches behind him and pulls out a bronze dildo. ]
Rachel Stevens - My God! What are you planning to do with that?!?
Divine - Sorry Rachel, you cant borrow it! Plus...I've already "broke it in"!!! But tonight...I'm going to break it over someone's head! I might even shove it down someone's throat!! It's been soooo long since I've had an EWA title belt in my possession and I've just got that tingling feeling in my stomach tonight. You know that feeling, dont you Rachel? Like when someone shoves their hog REEEEALLY far up into your bum and it's almost in your tummy!!
Rachel Stevens - I cant say that I have...
Divine - I think Tom Stone would beg to differ!! Oh Tom Stone...how I lust for his tight ass!! You know what Rachel? I'm going to do something I've never done before!! I'm going to dedicate my match tonight to TOM STONE!!!
Rachel Stevens - I'm sure he must be flattered...
Divine - Oh, he will be!!! And he'll be even more flattered when I bring him the EWA Extreme Title!!! Can you imagine the photo opportunities we're going to have with that? Me...Tom...the Extreme Title...a bear skin rug...some little Chinese boys...WHAT A NIGHT!!!
Rachel Stevens - So you're sure that you're going to win the EWA Extreme Title tonight?
Divine - YES!!! Rachel...that belt is as good as mine!! And after the big match, you're invited to the victory party!!
Rachel Stevens - Will Tom Stone be there?
Divine - Tom Stone "WILL" be there!!!
Rachel Stevens - I find that hard to believe...
Divine - Why is that?!?
Rachel Stevens - Everyone knows Tom Stone despises you and wants nothing to do with you Divine, get real.
Divine - Well, why dont we just ask Tom right now! He's in my dressing room! He ran into the closet when he heard you coming!
Rachel Stevens - Yeah right!! Prove it!!!
[ Divine walks over to the closet and slowly opens the door. He walks in then begins to speak. ]
Divine - Oh Tooommy!! Tommy...come out!! Rachel wants to do an interview....
Rachel Stevens - Oh...my....GOD!!!!
[ Divine walks out of the closet with a blow up doll. The blow up doll has Tom Stone's face on it and looks like it has been severly molested. The doll has vaseline around it's mouth and around it's anal region. Rachel Stevens grabs the camera and pulls it away from the disgusting image. ]
Rachel Stevens - THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!!! DONT FILM THAT!!! PUT THE CAMERA ON ME!!!
[ "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And finally... standing 6'8" and weighing in at 325 pounds, from Candy Land, Divine!
[ Divine steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
Vic Canon - All four men are in the ring, and there's the bell! Let the action BEGIN!
Eddie Sensation - OH!! GAINES JUST FLEW AT GIGANTE!
The Informer - And Tiki Tortez just nailed Divine with a DDT! Gaines and GiGante are now brawling on the outside! OOH!! GIGANTE JUST THREW GAINES RIGHT INTO THE STEEL RING POLE!!!!
Vic Canon - Gaines is down and out! Tiki Tortez throws Divine to the ropes... he bounces back, ducks a clothesline.... OOH! El GiGante just tripped Divine, and pulled him out of the ring! Now GiGante and Divine are brawling it out on the outside!
Eddie Sensation - Tiki Tortez is making his way to the outside, and it looks like he's headed for Travis Gaines!
The Informer - OOOH!!! Divine just clotheslined El GiGante into the crowd!!! And now they're battling THROUGH the crowd! Lets try to keep a camera on them!!
Vic Canon - Tiki Tortez is now setting up a table right infront of us! Fans.... I've found a new respect for Tiki Tortez! Instead of using OUR announce table as a weapon, he has set one up right infront of it! What a thoughtful man!
Eddie Sensation - HAHA! Vic, you're such a nerd! Tiki Tortez picks up Gaines... he kicks him in the gut! LOOK OUT!!!!
The Informer - WHAM!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! TIKI TORTEZ JUST PUT TRAVIS GAINES THROUGH A TABLE WITH A POWERBOMB!!! WHAT IMPACT!!!!
Vic Canon - HA! Gaines is done, someone peel him off the floor!
Eddie Sensation - Gaines MIGHT be done... but Tiki isn't! He's picking up Gaines....
The Informer - He sets him up.... LOOK OUT!!!
Vic Canon - OH NO!!! OH MY GOD!!! TRICK OR TREAT RIGHT THROUGH OUR ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!
Eddie Sensation - HOW'S THAT FOR THOUGHTFUL, VIC?!?! HAHAHHA!!!
The Informer - TORTEZ GOES FOR THE COVER... THE REF COUNTS!!! 1..... 2.... 3!!!!
Chris Myers - Travis Gaines has been eliminated!
Vic Canon - That BASTARD! He ruined our table!
Eddie Sensation - Uhhh, Vic.. you might want to be careful of what you say... he's right there!
The Informer - Not anymore! Tiki Tortez is now in the ring, wondering where the hell Divine and El GiGante went!
[ Suddenly, the EWA Big Screen switches to a shot of Divine and El GiGante... ]
Vic Canon - MY GOD!!! EL GIGANTE IS LEANING OVER THE EDGE OF THE BOAT!!! DIVINE IS TRYING TO PUSH HIM OVER THE EDGE!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - HAHA!! YES!!! DO IT!!!!
The Informer - NO, DONT!! YOU COULD KILL HIM!!! .......WHAM!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! SOME WOMAN JUST BROKE A BEER BOTTLE OVER DIVINE'S HEAD!!!
Vic Canon - HA!!! SOME FEMALE FAN JUST KNOCKED HIM OUT COLD!!! She must hate gay people!
Eddie Sensation - Damn! Divine is busted open on the back of his head! And now El GiGante is back IN the boat... DAMMIT!
[ The camera switches back to Tiki Tortez, who is standing in the ring watching the action... ]
The Informer - Tiki is just waiting patiently... he knows that one of those two have to beat HIM before they can win his title!
Vic Canon - Anyway, back to the action.... GiGante has Divine up on his feet, and he's dragging him by his hair! OOH!! GiGante just slammed Divine's face into a wall!
Eddie Sensation - Now GiGante is openning a door... where's he going??
The Informer - WHAM!!! OH MY GOD!!! HE'S GOING NOWHERE!!! HE JUST SLAMMED THAT DOOR ON DIVINE'S HEAD!!!! MY GOD, THAT WAS BRUTAL!!!!
Vic Canon - Fans, if you're under the age of 16... I suggest you turn your TV off now!
Eddie Sensation - HA! Yeah! Before it gets ugly!
The Informer - Now GiGante has opened another door.... and they're in the bar! Divine and El GiGante are fighting it out in one of the bars on the S.S. Dynasty!
Vic Canon - GiGante is up on the counter.... WHAM!!! MY GOD!!! HE JUST SLAMMED DIVINE'S FACE INTO THE COUNTER!!!! AND NOW HE'S KICKING HIM IN THE HEAD!!!!
Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT!!!!! OH SHIT!!!
The Informer - DIVINE GOT HIS HANDS ON A STOOL, AND HE'S SWINGING IT AROUND!!!! OH NO!! HE JUST HIT SOME OLD MAN WITH THE STOOL!!!
Vic Canon - WHAM!!!! AND HE FINALLY NAILS GIGANTE WITH IT!!!!!!
CRASH!!!!! Eddie Sensation - OH MY GOD!!!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!
The Informer - HOLY SHIT!!!!! EL GIGANTE JUST FELL BACKWARDS, RIGHT INTO THE DISPLAY OF ALCOHOL!!!!!!
Vic Canon - GOOD LORD!!!!! IMAGINE ALL THE GLASS THAT'S PEIRCING IN HIS BACK!!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - AHHHH!!! ALL THAT WASTED ALCOHOL!!!!
The Informer - You're sick Eddie! Divine grabs El GiGante, and drags him over the counter!
[ THUMP! ]
Vic Canon - OUCH! Divine just let GiGante's body fall to the floor!
Eddie Sensation - HA! GOOD! That's what he gets for wasting all that alcohol!
The Informer - Divine grabs GiGante.... OOH!!!!! Divine drives his back into the edge of the counter! He lifts him again.... WHAM!!! AND AGAIN!!! INTO THE EDGE OF THE COUNTER!
Vic Canon - Divine sits GiGante on the counter.... he grabs his head, and sets him up....
Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT!!!
The Informer - OOOH!!!!! DDT, OFF THE COUNTER, THROUGH A WOODEN CHAIR!!!!! MY GOD!!!! THOSE CHAIRS ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO SIT A 500 POUND MAN!!!! AND IT BROKE INSTANTLY!!!!!!
Vic Canon - GREAT MOVE BY DIVINE! THAT COULD BE THE END OF EL GIGANTE!
Eddie Sensation - No! Divine is exhausted! He's sitting down! What a moron!
The Informer - Divine slowly goes for the cover.... the ref counts! 1.... 2..... No! GiGante gets his shoulder up just in time!
Vic Canon - Divine looks pissed! He lifts El GiGante to his feet, and throws him out of the bar!
[ Back in the ring, Tiki Tortez is making his way to the backstage area! ]
Eddie Sensation - FINALLY, after watching for 10 damn minutes, Tiki Tortez is headed backstage!
The Informer - Well if Divine and El GiGante keep moving, there's no way he'll find them! Now he doesnt have a TV to watch them on!
Vic Canon - Anyway, back to Divine and El GiGante.... they are now fighting in a hallway, full of doors! I could only imagine that this is the locker room area...
Eddie Sensation - Looks like it! There's different names written on each door!
The Informer - Divine scoops up El GiGante.... DIVINE INTERVENTION!!! DIVINE INTERVENTION!!! DIVINE NAILED HIM WITH IT!!!!
Vic Canon - WAIT A MINUTE! LOOK! FROM BEHIND, ZOOMER JUST NAILED DIVINE IN THE HEAD WITH SOME OBJECT!!!
Eddie Sensation - DAMN! LOOK! ITS A BRICK!!!! HOLY SHIT!!! HE NAILED HIM WITH A BRICK!!!
The Informer - AND NOW ZOOMER IS PUTTING THE KNOCKED OUT EL GIGANTE ON TOP OF DIVINE! THE REF COUNTS..... 1...... 2...... 3!!!
Chris Myers - Divine has been eliminated!
Vic Canon - And now we're down to two men! El GiGante against Tiki Tortez! And speaking of Tiki... there he is!! He's finally found El GiGante!
Eddie Sensation - But GiGante is still knocked out from the Divine Intervention! Divine's big move!
The Informer - Tiki drags GiGante along by his hair.... OOOH!! Right into a wall!!! Now they're on the outskirts of the boat! They better be careful... someone could get knocked over the side of the boat!
Vic Canon - Speaking of... Tiki lunges GiGante towards the side of the boat! OH NO!! GIGANTE IS OVER!! GIGANTE HAS GONE OVER!
Eddie Sensation - NO! TIKI HAS HIM BY HIS LEG!!!!!
The Informer - MY GOD! El GiGante isn't even concious enough to stop himself from going over the side of the boat!! Tiki has him by one of his heels!
Vic Canon - And Tiki is dragging him back into the boat! And he's got him in! Tiki lunges at GiGante with a clothesline... GiGante ducks! He grabs Tiki....
Eddie Sensation - ....WHAM!!!!!! TOTAL ANNIHILATION!!!!!! GIGANTE NAILED HIM WITH HIS MOVE!!!!!!!
The Informer - TIKI IS OUT COLD!!!!! EL GIGANTE GOES FOR THE COVER... WE COULD HAVE A NEW EXTREME CHAMPION!!!!
Vic Canon - THE REF COUNTS.... 1...... 2........
Eddie Sensation - NO!!! WHO THE HELL?!?!? SOMEONE JUST NAILED GIGANTE WITH AN ELBOW DROP FROM THE SECOND LEVEL!!!!
The Informer - DAMN!!! GIGANTE'S SPINE MUST BE OUT OF PLACE!!!!
Vic Canon - WAIT A MINUTE... LOOK! THERE'S ETHAN STORM!!! ETHAN STORM LIFTS GIGANTE TO HIS FEET.....
Eddie Sensation - WHAM!!! OH MY GOD!!!! STORM JUST NAILED GIGANTE WITH SOME MOVE!!! EL GIGANTE JUST TASTED THE WOODEN FLOORS OF THE BOAT!!!
The Informer - AND NOW LOOK! TORTEZ IS UP!!!
Vic Canon - Tortez lifts GiGante to his feet... he scoops him up..... WHAM!!
Eddie Sensation - TRICK OR TREAT! RIGHT ONTO THE DECK OF THE S.S. DYNASTY!!!!!
The Informer - THE REF COUNTS.... 1...... 2...... 3!!!!
Chris Myers - The winner of this match, and STILL EWA Extreme Champion... "Tricky" Tiki Tortez!
Vic Canon - I can't believe what we just saw!
[ Christian Sein and Ethan Storm rip off their coats revealing...SOCIETY X shirts! Sein pulls a shirt from his coat pocket and tosses it to Tortez. He smiles as he takes the shirt in pride. ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a new era of wrestling here in the EWA! The time for a new society is here and here it shall stay! The Extreme Division is on a conquest, to become the best...and now, as Society X, this dream shall come true. Our goal is to make the Extreme Division like none other, and to threaten the careers of people such as Chandler, Thorn, and even Tom Stone himself.
Christian Sein - And don't take us lightly...that just pisses us off. We are here on a rampage, we are here for the pure glory of kicking ass. Welcome to Society X 101...where we not only teach people what an ass kicking feels like...we actually show them.
Ethan Storm - Not only are we for real folks, we are the future. People can claim to be the future of the EWA, but the future is not in the mid-carders, the International division, or even the Tag-team division, it is the Extreme Division, but more importantly, Society X. This society will not only turn the EWA, we will add another flavor to the ice cream mixture. We aren't the old Chocolate (Chandler), the Vanilla (Thorn), or even the pink sherbet (Divine), we are the Rocky Road w/ SPUNK!
[ Storm and Sein look at Tortez to finish this up ]
"Tricky" Tiki Tortez - Fu Man Crew...Team Ballz...EWA...a new era is here...and you are next on our list!
Backstage... [ The EWA big screen begins to show the backstage area. Vinny D and Deuce are shown, making their way out of the arena ]
The Informer - Well, they won their match, and now they're leaving...
Eddie Sensation - Hey Canon, go interview them! Find out something about those 3D shirts!
Vic Canon - Why, you want one Eddie?? You like the material??
Eddie Sensation - No, I wanna know why they're wearing them.
The Informer - Well, Eddie, if they don't want to tell us, I don't think we should bother them!!
Eddie Sensation - FIGURES, both of you are pussies, I'll just have to go myself...
[ Sensation begins to get up, as soon as he does however he sits back down, because Serial Thrylla and Chandler have just bumped into Deuce and Vinny D ]
Eddie Sensation - Nevermind, I don't want my seat getting cold.
The Informer - PUSSY!!
Vic Canon - Fans, Serial Thrylla and Chandler have just bumped into Vinny D and Deuce backstage! We're gonna take you to our backstage feed......
Deuce - What's up boys?? You turn against your country, and all of a sudden you forget how to fucking say excuse me??
[ Vinny D, lays his arm across Deuce's chest as if to try and hold Deuce back from getting any further ]
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Leave it Deuce... Let's get outta here man.
Deuce - Vinny, these fuckers, we could......
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - WASTE OF TIME MAN!! Let's hit the road bro, there are way better things we can do bro.
Deuce - But...
"The Original Outlaw" Vinny D - Come on man...
[ Deuce bitterly agrees with Vinny D and the two begin to make their way out, Serial Thrylla and Chandler both look at each other ]
Serial Thrylla - HEY VINNY!!
[ Vinny D and Deuce both turn around and look at Serial Thrylla and Chandler ]
Serial Thrylla - YOU STUPID LITTLE FUCK, WHAT'S WRONG?? LOST ALL YOUR BALLS?? No, wait... Sorry... I forgot, you didn't lose them... Nick's got them! ...right?
[ Vinny D begins to clench his fists ]
Chandler - Yeah, just like he has everything else of yours, huh bitch?? What's the name again?? The Original Shadow Walker??
[ Vinny D dashes at Chandler and grabs him by the throat. He squeezes as tightly as he can. But with all his focus on Chandler, Vinny D loses sight of Thrylla who belts him in the back of the head with a stiff right hand! Thrylla, proud of his work, turns around to be introduced to the floor, via a spear by Deuce. The four men begin fighting ]
The Informer - WE'VE GOT A BRAWL GOING ON BACKSTAGE! GET SOME OFFICIALS OUT THERE!!!
Eddie Sensation - NO WAY!! LET THEM FIGHT!!
Vic Canon - Shut up Eddie!! Here we go, finally some officials have arrived!
Eddie Sensation - Dammit!!
[ Suddenly, out of nowhere, a car clips Serial Thrylla and sends him flying onto Chandler! Thrylla's weight brings Chandler down to the ground, and Deuce and Vinny D quickly jump ontop of the two men. But who was driving the car? They seemed to know where to hit Thrylla... that car was aimed straight for his bad knee! ]
EWA Tag Team Title Match
The Regulators vs. Da BJ BoyzThe Informer - Oooh boy... what a match we have for you next...
Vic Canon - This match is probably the most anticipated match of tonight's Pay Per View, by a long shot. The Regulators and Da BJ Boyz have been in competition since they entered the EWA, and TO THIS DAY, there is still controversy over who is the greatest EWA Tag Team! But, one thing is for sure.... it's one of these two teams!
Eddie Sensation - Look at the numbers... The Regulators are the ONLY 3-Time Tag Champs... Da BJ Boyz with 2...
The Informer - BUT, Da BJ Boyz have the longest reign as Tag Team Champions, with a 118 Day reign! The closest The Regs have to that is a 85 Day reign...
Vic Canon - So, it's a tie game... 1-1.... So WHO ARE the greatest EWA Tag Team Champions of all time?? Who knows... everyone has their opinions, you chose for yourself.
Eddie Sensation - HA! Damn right we do! And in my opinion, the RX PIMP~SANE WRECKIN' CREW are the greatest Tag Champs of all time!
The Informer - Eddie, you always have to go against us, dont you?
Vic Canon - And now we go to Rachel Stevens, who is backstage with the Regulators.
Pre-Match Interview with The Regulators Rachel Stevens - Thanks Vic. I'm here with Johnny Rage and Rick Ramos, as they prepare for their tag team war with Adam and Brian Kress, the Bj Boyz. Johnny, your...interesting methods of preperation have drawn you some acclaim over the years. Did you do anything special to prepare for this match?
Johnny Rage - Of course. After calling up the stars, director, and producer Deep Throat to learn more about this whole "Bj" thing...
Rick Ramos - Grunt.
Johnny Rage - Yeah, apparently it involves dicks and mouths...its gross. Rachel, you've never done that, have you?
Rachel Stevens - [Blushes] No.
Johnny Rage - Have you ever been made love to by a man until you lost consciousness?
Rachel Stevens - Twice...no, wait...four times. WAIT A MINUTE!!! This is my interview. So, what did you do to prepare?
Johnny Rage - Well, other then the whole blow job thing?
Rachel Stevens - YES!!!
Johnny Rage - Well, we did go prepare to fight on a boat.
Rachel Stevens - Can you explain that more?
Johnny Rage - Sure. Once we learned Rock The Boat was on, well, a boat, I sprang into action. I gave my buddy Robert Urich a call. As you may very well know, Robert Urich was the captain of the Love Boat...
Rachel Stevens - COULD YOU PLEASE REMOVE YOUR HAND FROM MY BREAST?
Rick Ramos - Grunt....
Johnny Rage - Aww Rachel, he's just trying to be friendly. Anyway, Rick and I booked ourselves a room. We spent all weekend preparing fight on a boat by well, fighting on the boat.
Rick Ramos - Grunt!
Johnny Rage - Yes, you did powerbomb an 87 year old women off the boat into a waiting school of pirana. Did I mention you have to go to court wednesday? Something about murder one.
Rick Ramos - Grunt?!?
Johnny Rage - Nah, famous athletes never get in trouble! Look at OJ!
Rick Ramos - Grunt.
Johnny Rage - Yes, his portrayal of "Nordberg" in the Naked Gun movies was a comedic Tour-De-Force. Anyway, Rick and I had quite the good vacation...my favorite part was when I hit the 450 off the top portion of the boat down onto some fat guy doing the dead mans float in the pool.
Rick Ramos - Grunt!!!
Johnny Rage - Yes, and Rick's Brainbuster on the toddler was fun....at least until his dad came by and threatened to kick our ass.
Rick Ramos - Grunt.
Johnny Rage - Yes, it probably was a stupid to pick the kid wearing the "My Daddy is a Steriod Using Juicemonkey" tee-shirt.
Rick Ramos - Grunt.
Johnny Rage - I know, I was scared too.
Rick Ramos - Grunt?
Johnny Rage - No, I didn't piss myself....did you?
Rick Ramos - Grunt.
Johnny Rage - Oh....WAIT, YOU SHIT YOUR PANTS?
Rachel Stevens - OK, last question, then we can end this..absurd interview. Now, The Bj'z are the latest members of the Chris Jericho led Fu Man Crew. Obviously, they could play a role in this match. Your thoughts?
Johnny Rage - Whatever happened to the Cows in Black?
Rachel Stevens - What?
Johnny Rage - Those are my thoughts. Whatever happened to the Cows in Black?
Rick Ramos - Grunt!
Johnny Rage - No, they Moo'd. I was just wondering, whatever happened to them? And why weren't they the Bovines in Black? And we they really cows? Or men in cow suits? And was Sexual Harrasment Panda a Panda? Not knowing if they were actually cows makes me a SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD Panda. I loved that guy.
Rachel Stevens - Maybe I shoulda been more specific. What will you do about the potential of a Jerhico/Divine/wAr CrIMe attack?
Johnny Rage - Oh! Well, we have an insurance policy. He's handsome. He's brave. He's strong.
The Mountie - I'M THE MOUNTIE!!!! AND I....ENFORCE...THE LAW!!!!
Johnny Rage - Or in this case, the rules of wrestling. And if Jerhico or Divine or the weird named guy attack, The Mountie will Regulate on him...
The Mountie - I ALWAYS GET MY MAN! I'M THE MOUNTIE!!! YOU CAN TRY TO RUN, BUT YOU COULD NEVER HIDE!!!!
Rachel Stevens - Thanks, back toAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Johnny Rage - Mountie! Stop Zapping her with that cattle prod!
The Mountie - HAHA! I'M THE MOUNTIE!!!! [ZAP!]
Rick Ramos - Grunt!!!
Johnny Rage - NO THROWING WATER ON HER WON'T HELP!!!!
[ The interview ends abruptly as we cut back to the three main commentators at the United States Announcers Table ]
Eddie Sensation - HAHHA!!! THE MOUNTIE!!! THE MOUNTIE IS IN THE EWA!!!!
The Informer - And he always gets his man!!!!
Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the EWA Tag Team Championships!
[ "Regulators" by Warren G (feat. Nate Dogg) blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by The Mountie, at a total combined weight of 520 pounds, from Boston, Massachussettes, Johnny Rage and Rick Ramos.... The Regulators!
[ The Mountie and The Regulators step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
Vic Canon - Now lets send it backstage for some comments from Da BJ Boyz...
Pre-Match Interview with Da BJ Boyz Rachel Stevens - Standing here with me now are the EWA Tag Team champions, The Bj BOYZ!! Tonight you guys are going to defend your tag team titles against the Regulators...
Brian Kress - Hold on a second Rachel, just let me correct you. We're not going to defend these titles, we're going to physically and brutally beat the living piss out of the Regulators tonight and embarrass them in front of the world.
Adam Kress - Yeah, the beating we've got in store for them tonight might even be considered illegal in some parts of the country...but we're on a boat right?!?
Rachel Stevens - Yes, and can I ask why you wanted to do this interview in the ship's kitchen??
Brian Kress - Because this is where all the real men are!! RIGHT BUDDY?!?
[ Brian Kress grabs a small waiter and puts him in a headlock. Adam quickly reaches over and gives the waiter a monstrous wedgie then the Kress Brothers send him on his way. ]
Rachel Stevens - Wow you guys are tough, you just proved that you can assault a harmless waiter...
Adam Kress - Yeah, and we're gonna do the exact same thing to those two escapes from the sexual deviant's home.
Brian Kress - Oh yeah!! Adam!! Show Rachel the paper we found!!!
Adam Kress - How could I forget??
Brian Kress - What would you do without me Adam?
Adam Kress - Probably be living in Malibu with about 15 nude women ... take a look at this Rachel Rockets...
[ Adam Kress hands Rachel Stevens a small piece of paper and she looks it over. ]
Adam Kress - Go ahead and read it out loud Rach, prove us all wrong and show us that you can read.
Rachel Stevens - Oh my God!! What the hell is this, Divine's Christmas list?!?
Brian Kress - HaHa!! Go ahead and read it out loud!!
Rachel Stevens - 3 bushels of toenails, a bundle of pubic hair, 2 dead fetus'....16 BOTTLES OF VASELINE?!?!?
Adam Kress - I snagged that from the Room Service office...it's the room service order for the Regulators!! Now if that doesn't prove that they are sexual deviants, I don't know what does!!
Rachel Stevens - You guys like to use humiliation tactics don't you? Well, tonight in the ring, I don't think they're going to work on the Regulators...
Adam Kress - That's where you're wrong Rachel. You see, the humiliation will continue when we beat the Regulators within an inch of their pathetic little masturbation filled lives, and send their asses packing!! Hey ... where'd Brian go??
Brian Kress - I'm over here!!!
[ Brian is throwing potatoes out of the kitchen window onto the deck below where fans are sitting. ]
Brian Kress - Hahaha!! Look at them run!!
Adam Kress - Let me try!!!
[ Adam and Brian pick up the large barrel of potatoes and dump them out the window. ]
Brian Kress - Quick...FIND SOME MORE!!!
Rachel Stevens - Guys ... we're supposed to be doing an interview here!!
Adam Kress - Hey!! I found a barrel ... damn!! It's heavy as hell!! Gimme some help!!
Brian Kress - You damn runt ... maybe if your 5'5" 112 pound ass would lift weights and not chase girls all the time you would be able to pick up a barrel of potatoes...
Adam Kress - I'M 5'10" YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!
Brian Kress - What the...
[ The barrel begins to shake and falls over. A man rolls out and begins to yell .... IT'S DAVID LEE ROTH!!! ]
David Lee Roth - WHOA-HO-HO!!!!!!!
Adam Kress - DAVE!! What the hell are you doing here?!?
David Lee Roth - I told you guys I was going to be here!!
Brian Kress - Why the hell did you sneak on the boat in a barrel of potatoes?
David Lee Roth - You really think I'd buy a ticket?!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Hey.... who's the hottie??
Brian Kress - That's Rachel, she's the interviewer.
David Lee Roth - Hey baby ... wanna see my floatation device?
Rachel Stevens - .....
Adam Kress - Easy Dave, Tom Stone says we aren't allowed to harass the EWA staff...
David Lee Roth - Yeah, me and Stone are tight. He says that "YOU" aren't allowed to harass them ... but he doesn't say that I cant make out with them!!!
[ David Lee Roth grabs a handful Rachel Stevens' breasts and sends her running away screaming. ]
David Lee Roth - Awww man .... THOSE WERE REAL!!!!!
Adam Kress - Nice job Dave, now Stone is going to be all over our asses....
David Lee Roth - You're scared of Stone?
Brian Kress - Not really ... we just wanted to grab her tits too...
David Lee Roth - Hey ... wait a second .... I'M DOING THE INTERVIEW NOW!!! Hello folks, this is "Diamond" David Lee Roth reporting to you live from the ... umm ... boat! With me now are the Kress Boys. Ok ... first question ... did you guys check out all the fine ass babes?!? I mean, seriously, it's like thong mania out there!!!
Cook - Hey...what the hell are you guys doing in here?!? This is kitchen staff only!!
David Lee Roth - Who's this stiff?!?
Brian Kress - It's Chef Boyardee!!
Cook - You guys aren't supposed to be in here, and all three of you don't even have shirts on!! That's against health regulations!
Adam Kress - How is it against health regulations? None of us have any chest hair?
Cook - WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!?
[ Suddenly a man comes rollerblading through the kitchen. He's wearing a bright orange thong and has on some bright purple sun glasses .... IT'S TOM STONE!!! ]
Tom Stone - DAMN YOU COOK!!! LEAVE ME WRESTLERS ALONE!!
Cook - I'm sorry Mr. Stone, I didn't know they were with you....
Tom Stone - You should be sorry...
Adam Kress - Hey Tom, where's your helmet??
Tom Stone - RIGHT HERE!!!
[ Tom Stone grabs a handful of his crotch and roller blades into a different room. ]
Brian Kress - Yeah, we pretty much have no serious words for The Regulators at this period in time ... I speak on behalf of my brother when I say its hard to top a Tom Stone performance....
Rachel Stevens - Um ... back to you guys at ringside!
[ "Cemetary Gates" by Pantera blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And their opponents... at a total combined weight of 482 pounds, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, they are the EWA Tag Team Champions.... Da BJ Boyz!
[ The EWA Tag Team Champions, Da BJ Boyz step out from behind the curtain and head towards the ring. ]
The Informer - Da BJ Boyz charge to the ring! They slide in... and are met by the Regulators! Brian Kress and Rick Ramos pair off to one side... and Adam and Johnny Rage are on the other side!
Vic Canon - OOH!! Brian Kress with a stiff elbow to the nose of Rick Ramos! And Ramos goes down hard onto the concrete floor! Brian Kress walks up to Johnny Rage.... OOH!!! LOW BLOW, FROM BEHIND!!! Adam Kress climbs to the top rope! Brian Kress grabs Rage on his shoulder....
Eddie Sensation - THIS COULD BE IT! SEXUAL SIDE-AFFECT!!
The Informer - Brian runs across the ring! Adam jumps! NO!! OOOH!!! RICK RAMOS JUST SHOVED ADAM KRESS OFF THE TOP ROPE, ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR! ADAM LANDED HARD ON HIS SIDE AND BACK!!!
Vic Canon - But Brian Kress nailed Johnny Rage with that powerslam! Rick Ramos is on the top rope! Brian Kress turns around, wondering where the hell Adam went.... WHAM! MISSLE DROPKICK BY RAMOS!!!
Eddie Sensation - Ramos picks up Brian Kress... kicks him in the gut.... he lifts him!
The Informer - LOOK OUT!!! WHAM!!!! RUNNING POWERBOMB!!!! RAMOS NAILED HIM WITH IT!!!!
Vic Canon - Rage is up! They're calling for the De-Regulator!!!! Ramos scoops up Brian Kress... Johnny Rage goes to the top rope!
Eddie Sensation - Ramos runs! ....WHAM! REVERSE SHOULDER BREAKER! RAGE JUMPS!
The Informer - YYYYES!!! HE NAILED IT!!!! BRIAN KRESS HAS BEEN DE-REGULATED!!!!!! JOHNNY RAGE GOES FOR THE PIN!!! 1........
Vic Canon - 2........
Eddie Sensation - THR--NO!!! ADAM KRESS PULLS THE REFEREE OUT OF THE RING!!!!
The Informer - AND NOW ADAM KRESS IS ARGUING WITH THE REFEREE! HE'S DESTRACTING HIM FOR SOME REASON!
Vic Canon - THERE! THATS WHY!!! SCOTT SANDERS IS RUNNING TO THE RING WITH A HOCKEY STICK!!!!
Eddie Sensation - SANDERS IS IN THE RING.... WHAM! HE NAILS JOHNNY RAGE! WHAM!!! HE NAILS RICK RAMOS!!!!! THAT HOCKEY STICK HAS BROKEN INTO MILLIONS OF PEICES!!!!
The Informer - WHAT IMPACT!!!! AND NOW BOTH REGULATORS ARE DOWN!!!
Vic Canon - MY GOD! This match was almost done, ALREADY! But now we're back where we started... both teams even!
Eddie Sensation - Except for Adam Kress! He's full of energy!
The Informer - And Adam Kress is now in the ring! He rolls Rick Ramos out of the ring, and begins working on Johnny Rage!
Vic Canon - He hooks him.... SNAP SUPLEX! Nice move! But he's not done... he picks him up again... ANOTHER snap suplex!
Eddie Sensation - And now Adam Kress is climbing to the top rope! Brian Kress and Rick Ramos are back up in their corners... and The Mountie is here at ringside, in The Regulators corner!
The Informer - HA! The Mountie! What a classic!
Vic Canon - You've been talking to Nick Diamante too much, Informer..... Adam Kress jumps! Crossbody from the top rope! Into a pin... this could be it!
Eddie Sensation - 1.... 2.... No! Johnny Rage kicks out!
The Informer - But Adam Kress picks him up, and continues to work on him... He kicks him in the gut, PILEDRIVER! And Johnny Rage lands in Da BJ Boyz half of the ring!
Vic Canon - Adam Kress walks up to him... grabs his legs... and applies a Figure Four! Smart move by Adam Kress! He's isolating Johnny Rage, and working on his legs!
Eddie Sensation - What a moron he is! Rage is right beside the ropes!
The Informer - But so is Brian Kress! Rage grabs the ropes.... Brian Kress kicks his hand off the rope! See that Eddie! Its called TEAM-WORK... and thats why they're the Tag Team Champions!
Vic Canon - HA! Once again, Rage grabs the ropes.... and Brian Kress kicks his hand off again! I think Rage got the point... Dont touch those damn ropes!
Eddie Sensation - Adam Kress reaches over, and tags in Brian Kress! Brian climbs to the top rope.... LOOK OUT!!!!!
The Informer - BIG SPLASH!!! FROM THE TOP!!! HE NAILED JOHNNY RAGE WITH THAT ONE!!!
Vic Canon - Brian goes for the pin! The ref counts.... 1..... 2..... No! Rage gets his arm on the bottom rope!
Eddie Sensation - And now Brian Kress is lifting Johnny Rage to his feet, and is continuing to work on him!
The Informer - Brian Kress hooks him.... Big Suplex! Rage hits the mat hard! But Brian quickly gets him up to his feet... whips him to the ropes.... Look out! Gorilla Press Slam!!!
Vic Canon - Kress backs up, and waits for Rage to get to his feet! Johnny Rage slowly gets up... and charges at Brian Kress! He scoops him up..... RUNNING POWERSLAM!!! He goes for the cover!
Eddie Sensation - 1.... 2........
The Informer - No! Rage with another kickout! Now Brian is starting to get pissed! He picks up Rage, and throws him to the ropes! Rage bounces back.... BACKBREAKER! Right in the middle of the ring!
Vic Canon - He goes for the cover again! 1.... 2......
Eddie Sensation - No! Rage gets his shoulder up!
The Informer - But, again, Brain Kress picks him up! .....WHAM! CRADLE DDT!!!! And he goes for the cover AGAIN! The ref counts.... 1...... 2......
Vic Canon - No! Johnny Rage just keeps getting out of it! Brian has had enough... he's tagging in Adam Kress!
Eddie Sensation - Wait a minute... Brian Kress isn't leaving the ring! He runs over to Rick Ramos, and knocks him off the apron!
The Informer - Adam Kress lifts Johnny Rage to his feet... Belly-To-Belly Suplex! And now Da BJ Boyz are calling for the Sexual Side-Affect, again!
Vic Canon - We've seen it ALMOST happen once already! Maybe the second time will be more successful!
Eddie Sensation - Adam Kress is climbing to the top rope! Brian Kress has Johnny Rage in the opposite corner.... Hey! Look!
The Informer - Rick Ramos is trying to get into the ring! But Scott Sanders is holding him down!!
Vic Canon - But look! The Mountie is running around the ring! He's got that cattle prod in his hand!!!
ZZZZAAAPPP!! Eddie Sensation - HAHA! HE JUST NAILED SCOTT SANDERS WITH IT!!
The Informer - And Ramos is loose! He grabs Brian Kress' boot, and Johnny Rage slides down his back, and shoves Brian Kress forward!
Vic Canon - LOOK OUT! WHAM!!! ADAM KRESS AND BRIAN KRESS JUST COLLIDED IN MID-AIR!!! BOTH BJ BOYZ ARE DOWN, AND BOTH REGULATORS ARE UP!
Eddie Sensation - Ramos grabs Brian Kress..... WHAM!!! RUNNING POWERBOMB!!!!!! AND KRESS ROLLS OUT ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!!
The Informer - Now it's 2 Regulators against 1 BJ Boy! Adam Kress is up, standing in the corner! The Regulators are slowly approaching him!
Vic Canon - LOOK OUT! SCOTT SANDERS IS GETTING IN THE RING FROM BEHIND! THE REGS DONT EVEN SEE HIM COMING!
Eddie Sensation - Scott Sanders jumps on Rick Ramos' back!! Ramos is spinning around, trying to get him off!
The Informer - LOOK! THE MOUNTIE IS ON THE APRON! HE REACHES OVER.....
ZZZZAAAPPP!! Vic Canon - HAHA!! HE JUST NAILED SCOTT SANDERS AGAIN!!! AND SANDERS DROPPED TO THE MAT LIKE A SACK OF BRICKS!!!
Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT! ADAM KRESS JUST SPEARED JOHNNY RAGE!!! LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT!!! ADAM KRESS IS BEATING HIM INTO THE MAT!!!
The Informer - But Rick Ramos is there! He grabs Adam Kress by the head, and throws him into the corner! Ramos takes a few steps back... and runs at full speed right into the corner! BIG SPLASH!!!!
Vic Canon - Johnny Rage is up! He's climing to the top rope! Rick Ramos scoops up Adam Kress..... REVERSE SHOULDER BREAKER!
Eddie Sensation - IIIIIIIIN COMING!!!!!!!!!!!
The Informer - WHAM!!!!!!!!! THE DE-REGULATOR!!!!!!! DE-REGULATOR!!!!!!! JOHNNY RAGE GOES FOR THE COVER!!
Vic Canon - LOOK OUT! BRIAN KRESS IS BACK IN THE RING!!!
Eddie Sensation - 1.......
The Informer - OOH!! RICK RAMOS CLOTHESLINES BRIAN KRESS DOWN TO THE MAT!!!
Vic Canon - 2........
Eddie Sensation - THREE!!!!!
Chris Myers - The winners of this match... and NEW EWA Tag Team Champions, The Regulators!
The Informer - THEY'VE DONE IT! THE REGULATORS ARE FOUR TIME TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!
Vic Canon - WHAT A MATCH!!! WHAT A WAY TO END IT!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - END IT?!?! THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING!!! THIS IS ONLY THEIR FIRST MATCH OF MANY TO COME!!!
[ The Regulators collect their Tag Team Titles, and begin to walk up the entrance aisle with The Mountie. They stop at the top of the entrance aisle and begin to celebrate, while Scott Sanders and Da BJ Boyz sit in the ring, heavily disappointed... ]
The Informer - Da BJ Boyz have nothing to be ashamed of! They put up one hell of a fight! And like Eddie said, this is only the FIRST match of many more the come!
Vic Canon - Hell yeah! There's a reason why they call these 4 men the two greatest Tag Teams! And they should know that one match doesnt meen the end of their careers!
Eddie Sensation - Vic, are you going to need a kleenex? HAHA!!!
The Informer - This isn't over by a long shot! We're just getting started, and I cant wait to see what the end of this all will look like!
Vic Canon - Well fans.. up next, we've got our three-way International Title Match! Wait a minute.. I'm being told that something is going on backstage! Lets send it backstage! NOW!
Backstage... [ We are brought backstage, where Tom Stone and Serial Thrylla are all packed into one room. A doctor is looking at Serial Thrylla's knee, which was banged up by a car earlier in the night. The driver is still unknown. ]
Serial Thrylla - AHHHH!!! THAT FUCKING HURTS YOU PEICE OF SHIT!!!!!!!
Tom Stone - TAKE IT EASY YOU IDIOT! WHAT DO I PAY YOU FOR??!?!
Doctor - I didnt even touch anything! Look, Mr. Stone... he's in NO SHAPE to wrestle tonight!
Serial Thrylla - If you dont want me to turn that white coat of yours red, then you'll listen... and listen good. Only I will determine if I will wrestle tonight.... Stone, gimme as much time as you can...
Tom Stone - There's only one other match left!
Serial Thrylla - Then do that match NOW.
Tom Stone - Alright... will do....
[ The camera fades out, just as Tom Stone instructs the doctor to do whatever he can for Thrylla's knee... ]
Pre-Match Interview with Thorn Rachel Stevens - I'm here with Thorn, who is about the step into the ring with Chandler for the World Heavyweight Title. Thorn, this ladder match tonight, against Chandler is probably the biggest match in your career. What are your thoughts going into this match?
Thorn - There are a hell of a lot of things going through my mind right now. This, indeed, is the biggest match in my career. I've had some big matches, against guys like Zed, The Brink, Cody Covington, the works, but no one... NOT ONE of them is at the same caliber as Chandler is right now. Right now, as a ruthless son of a bitch, Chandler is at his greatest. Throughout my career in the EWA, this is the best I've seen Chandler, and probably any other wrestler. And in the back of my mind, I see the greatness that Chandler has right now, and I see how good he is.... I can't help but look at myself in the mirror and think... am I REALLY THAT good? Can I beat Chandler, the man that has OWNED the EWA since he and Diamante had a killer fued?? Am I at that caliber?? I think I have it in me, I think that I can do this. I think I can succeed. but... who's to tell the future?? Who knows what lies in the Crystal ball, when there isn't a fucking crystal ball??? Beats the hell outta me. Whether I can or cannot. I will still go into that ring, with the ladder staning ominously next to it, I will face Chandler... eye to eye... man to man... Teacher to student... and I will give it my all and show Chandler, what it's like to be the most intese cruiserweight.
Rachel Stevens - The Most Intense Cruiserweight may not mean your the best Cruiserweight. Tonight you fight to see who is the "best" cruiserweight in the business. Do you think that you'll stand tall among the....shorter... of the wrestlers?
Thorn - I've said it before and I'll say it again, in my eyes, Chandler has been the best cruiserweight in the business, barnone. People have said that I am, I don't really see that, but I can believe it. Tonight, I'm going to take everything outta the drawer, I'm going to turn heads, I'm going to show people, what a real cruiserweight is like... and hopefully Chandler will do the same, cause if he didn't, why battle him to see who the best cruiserweight is?? I expect the best from Chandler tonight, and you can expect the best from me. It's like I said earlier, I don't know who the better man will be until this match is over.
Rachel Stevens - Earlier this week on Heat, NoMaD and yourself went up against Serial Thrylla and Chandler in a tag match. You cleanly pinned Chandler in that match, do you think that your win against them earlier this week is going to make Chandler realize what your capable of?
Thorn - Pinning Chandler last week caught me, and him by surprise. I thought for sure he would kick out. I didn't realize that I had beaten him, until they announced it over the loudspeakers, and by that time we were already in the middle of a brawl. The match started fast, and ended fast. I can't really make much of the match, but I'm glad NoMaD and I came out on top... of course. Tonight, I go into my match with Chandler the upper hand, because I got the win, that's all I know, I can't tell you much of anything besides that I'm going to do my damnedest. So Chand... let's have some fun tonight, and don't forget... Handle with care...
Rachel Stevens - Thanks Thorn, that's all. Back to you guys at ringside!!
EWA Heavyweight Title Ladder Match
Chandler vs. ThornThe Informer - We are back with Rock the Boat. And fans, what a night it has been thus far.
Vic Canon - NO SHIT!
The Informer - And now its time for what was supposed to be our main event for the evening, but due to, umm, outside circumstances, has been put on at this point in time.
Eddie Sensation - That's right. This should be a good one. Lets go down to Chris Myers for the introductions...
[ We cut to the ring ]
Ding, Ding, Ding Chris Myers - Llllllladies and Gentlemen. It is now time for our LADDER MATCH...
[ The crowd roars ]
Chris Myers - ...FOR THE EWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
[ The crowd roars even more. ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first...the challenger...
[ "Edgecrusher" by Fear Factory plays over the boat's public address system, as several fireworks explode in the sky above the ocean and Thorn begins his walk towards the ring. As he climbs through the ropes, the fans roar. He climbs the top rope and stares into the thousands of people... ]
Chris Myers - Weighing in tonight at twoooo hundred, and ten poooooooounds, and hailing tonight from "Anywhere in the world but Shreveport, Lousiana...
[ The crowd "oooooooooo"'s accordingly ]
Chris Myers - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...THIS...IS...THORN!!!!!!!!!!
[ Big respect pop from the fans in attendance. ]
Chris Myers - And now...the champion...
[ The boos begins immediately as "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against The Machine blasts throughout the ship and Chandler, sporting new ring attire (he actually wears wrestling trunks now, a la Ric Flair or HHH, black, with black and green shaded kneepads and full sized flat black wrestling boots, his forearms remain completely taped, and his hair has grown out a good bit), steps out for the world to see. His EWA World Title *is* around his waist, because the EWA Lightweight Title is what these two men are going to be shooting for. Amists the damnest heel heat you will ever see, he climbs into the ring and gets ready for battle. ]
Chris Myers - Weighing in at twooooo hundred and twelve pounds....formally from Shreveport, Louisiana, now residing in West Osaka, Japaaaaaaaaaan...Ladies and gentlemen...THE EWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...CHAAAAAAANNDDDLLLEEEEEEERRRR!!!!!
The Informer - Guys, this is gonna be a good one! I can feel it! Chandler is on his way to the ring, and he looks focused!
Vic Canon - Yeah, he's got a real smug look on his face, doesn't he?
Eddie Sensation - When doesn't he look like that??
The Informer - Good point! But you can tell he's focused on Thorn, and the task at hand of retaining his title.
Vic Canon - Chandler is making his way up the steel ring steps into the ring. This one promises to be a great high-flying affair!
Eddie Sensation - How long has it been that these two men have had a little unspoken rivalry about them over who's the best lightweight in the EWA?
The Informer - Hold on there, Eddie…
Vic Canon - Hey, what's going on… why's he…
[ Chandler begins to take a few steps in the direction of the broadcast position… ]
Eddie Sensation - We don't want any trouble here!
The Informer - Oh no… hold on just one second…
Vic Canon - He's not coming for us! He's inching close to Nick Diamante in the front row!!
Eddie Sensation - Uh oh! We might have a problem on our hands here!
The Informer - Chandler has his eye on Diamante… and you've got to know that he's not happy that Nick is here at all!
Vic Canon - Hey, look! We've got a few EWA officials out here now… they're making sure nothing comes out of this. Nick Diamante is standing up and smiling…
Eddie Sensation - There's a lot of animosity between Chandler and Diamante! Who could ever forget their historic "I RESPECT YOU!" match back at No Fear?
The Informer - Thank goodness we've got officials out here! They showed up before anything could happen! Thank goodness!
Vic Canon - Well, Chandler seems to be doing some badmouthing of sorts… but it doesn't look like too much is going to come of this.
Eddie Sensation - Man, I know Nick said he's just here for fun… here to be part of history… but I don't know guys! Chandler is the man that made Diamante say "I Respect You!" and he's the man that drove him out of the EWA!
The Informer - Exactly! Diamante has to have a lot of pent up frustration inside of him due to what Chandler has done!
Vic Canon - Well, Chandler's up in the ring now… and it looks like we might be getting this one on it's way now!
Eddie Sensation - Good! This is gonna be an awesome match. But trust me guys… I'll be keeping my eyes on Diamante every few minutes. I have a BAD feelings he's here for more that just a vacation!
Vic Canon - Lets get this match going!
[ The match bell rings, and both men charge the center of the ring. The tie up. ]
The Informer - ...AND WE'RE OFF FANS!!
Eddie Sensation - WOO HOO, MAY THE SPOTFEST COMMENCE!!!
The Informer - Go-behind into a deep hammerlock by Chandler, he shoots Thorn into the ropes, leap frog, back this way now, Chandler drops under, back off the ropes again, Chandler goes for a standing side kick! Thorn ducks!
Vic Canon - WOW, Its 90-to-nothing out there!
The Informer - Thorn pushes Chandler out of the ring, and Chandler tumbles down onto the ringside area, here on the opposite side of the ring from us.
Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT, 20 SECONDS INTO THIS MATCH, AND THORN'S GONNA FLY!!!
The Informer - THORN GOING FOR THE BIG TOPE OVER THE TOP ROPE, AND CHANDLER MOVES!!! THORN LANDS KNEES-FIRST INTO THE DAMN CEMENT!!
Vic Canon - SPOT FEST SPOT FEST SPOT FEST SPOT FEST, WOOOO!!!!
The Informer - And now Chandler is up, and hes on the apron! Look out Thorn!!
Eddie Sensation - CORKSCREW ASAI MOONSAULT!!! AND HE GOT HIM GOOD TOO!!!! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!!
Vic Canon - Listen to this guys...after all of this mayhem, we have just passed only the ONE MINUTE MARK in this match!!
The Informer - Incredible. Simply incredible.
Eddie Sensation - Yeah, I haven't seen Chandler display this type of offense sense his green singlet wearing days!
The Informer - Chandler has found his feet now, and is dragging Thorn up our miniature ramway here!
Vic Canon - We couldn't fit the whole EWA ring setup on the boat, cut us some slack! By the way, DAMN this sun is hot.
Eddie Sensation - Very.
The Informer - Chandler's got Thorn by the hair, and he's taking him past our entrance curtain! They're in the main hull of this boat!!!! Lets get a camera back there!
[ Suddenly our view switches to a camera, which is moving extremely fast, out of a very dark area and into the main dancing/dining area of the boat. Right in the middle of the waxed dance floor, Thorn and Chandler can be found exchanging vicious right hands. ]
Eddie Sensation - FOUND EM! Hey, bust a move Chandler! AHAHAHA!!!
The Informer - Ooooo!!! The damnest left I've ever seen sends Chandler flying onto the grand piano set up right next to the dance floor! Now Thorn...Thorn...he's climbing up there with him!!!
Vic Canon - Uh oh.
The Informer - Thorn's stompin' him! He's grabbing him by the hair and picking him up! Shots to the head, repeatedly, and..and..OUCH!!!!
Vic Canon - SWEET JESUS THORN JUST HIPTOSSED CHANDLER OFF OF THAT GRAND PIANO ONTO THAT DAMN WOODEN DANCE FLOOR!!
Eddie Sensation - HA! Now, that makes Chandler an alto!! EEEE!!!!
The Informer - Look out, Thorn's coming off the wood! SOMERSAULT SENTON PLANCHA FROM THE DAMN GRAND PIANO, ONTO THE DANCE FLOOR!!!!
Eddie Sensation - THAT'S IT, CHANDLER'S DONE!!
The Informer - Thorn rolls over for the cover!!!
Vic Canon - GUYS, GUYS, THERE ARE NO COVERS IN THIS MATCH!!! YOU HAVE TO GRAB THE BELT THAT'S HANGING ABOVE THE RING!! I BET YOU BOTH OF THESE MEN HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT!!
The Informer - You're right! And now Thorn realizes it too...but he doesn't care!! He's...damn!!
Eddie Sensation - HE'S CLIMBING ON TOP OF THE PODEUM, WHICH ITSELF IS ON TOP OF A 5 FT PLATFORM! HE'S 10 FEET IN THE AIR!!
Vic Canon - LOOK OUT!!!
The Informer - FROG SPLASH...NO!!! CHANDLER MOVES, AND THORN GETS 12 FEET IN THE AIR AND LANDS STERNUM FIRST ONTO A DAMN WAXED FLOOR!!!
Eddie Sensation - Look at Chandler, he's smiling. He's smelling blood, and now he's snapping himself right up!!
Vic Canon - Hey, the dick's the champ for a reason!!!
The Informer - And now, he's stomping him! CHANDLER'S STOMPIN' A MUDHOLE IN THORN, IF YOU WIIIIIILL!! He picks him up by the hair..AND THEN CHOPS HIM RIGHT BACK DOWN WITH A VICIOUS KNIFE-EDGED CHOP!!!
Eddie Sensation/Vic Canon - WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
[ Fans - WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! ]
The Informer - HAHAHAHA!!! CHANDLER'S STRUTTING ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!!
Eddie Sensation - SYTLIN' AND PROFILIN' INFORMER, STYLIN' AND PROFILIN'!!!
The Informer - AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! HE JUST DROPPED THE ELBOW ONTO NOTHING BUT DANCE FLOOR, AND NOW'S HE BACK UP!! LOOK OUT, OOOO!!! HE'S ROLLING DOWN THE KNEEPADS!!! BIG ROLLING KNEE DROP!!!!
Eddie Sensation/Vic Canon - WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
[ Fans again - WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! ]
[ ...yes folks, Chandler is the new Nature Boy. ]
Vic Canon - I hate that son of a bitch, but I swear to god he's the second encarnation of Ric Flair.
The Informer - Well, Flair or not, he has most definately slowed the pace of this match down. It looks like he's searching for a prop or something to use while Thorn is down...
[ Chandler walks over to the bar and retrieves two bottles of unused Jack Daniels 120 Proof Tennessee Whisky. A grin cracks his face as he takes both bottles back to the spot where Thorn is laying. ]
Eddie Sensation - ...AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE GOT IT! LOOK OUT THORN!!!
[ Chandler puts Thorn into a sitting position and positions himself, standing, behind Thorn. He puts one bottle in each hand and raises his arms high... ]
The Informer - Oh...my..god...
Vic Canon - SWEET HOLY MOTHER OF OUR LOVING FATHER JESUS, NOT THIS!!!
[ Chandler mouths "PROPHECY" as he brings his arms to a crashing meeting, but Thorn had just barely moved his head out of the way. Liquor and glass fly everywhere, shards of the latter land all over the bodies of both men, and make deep cuts. Thorn's shoulders and Chandler's taped forearms. ]
Eddie Sensation - WHOA MY GOD!!!
Vic Canon - SPOT FEST SPOT FEST SPOT FEST!!! WOOO!!!
The Informer - Thorn's up! Hey...he's...he's running back out here to to the ringside area!!! And Chandler's following him!!!
[ Both men pass through the curtain and back into the ring, Thorn first, and then Chandler, who is picking glass out of his taped forearms. They both recieve a good pop for the show they have put on so far. ]
The Informer - Hey, Thorn's entered our ring, and he's egging Chandler to join him!!
Eddie Sensation - But Chandler's got better ideas!! He's grabbing the ladder from ringside, and taking it with him! He wants the gold!!
[ As Thorn stands alone in the ring tauntning Chandler, the champion throws the 12 foot high wooden ladder into the ring. The crowd roars. ]
[ Chandler charges the ring. ]
The Informer - WE'RE OFF AGAIN! THORN WITH RIGHTS AND LEFTS, IRISH WHIP, BIIIIIIIIIIIIIG BACK BODY DROP.
Eddie Sensation - Its on!
The Informer - Thorn picks him up, vicious knife edged chops! Picks him up, scoop slam!
Vic Canon - He's going up top!
The Informer - Thorns on top! MOONSAULT!!! HE GOT HIM GOOD TOO!!
Eddie Sensation - Now, Thorn, go for the belt!!!
[ Thorn stomps Chandler a few more times, then grabs the ladder, unfolds it, and sets it up (with the ladder legs straddling Chandler's body) in the middle of the ring. He begins climbing... ]
Vic Canon - THIS IS IT, WE COULD HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!!!!
The Informer - 5 FEET AWAY...4...3...
Eddie Sensation - OOOOOOO, NO! CHANDLER JUST GOT UP, AND KNOCKED THE LADDER OVER, THORN GOES FLYING THROAT FIRST INTO THE TOP ROPE!!!
Vic Canon - MAN, that was close! Now Chandler's got the ladder in his hands!
The Informer - AND HE'S DRIVING IT INTO THE GUT OF THORN! OVER AND OVER!
Eddie Sensation - Yeah, you know, Thorn looks like he wants to fly, but Chandler is hell bent on keeping this match on the ground. This should get interesting!
The Informer - Well said Eddie. But, Chandler's still driving that ladder into Thorn's gut! Now, he's thrown the ladder down, and he's dragging Thorn into the middle of the ring!
Vic Canon - FIGURE FOUR, FIGURE FOUR, FIGURE FOUR!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - WOOOO!!
The Informer - But, submissions don't count in this match!! And it looks like Chandler just remembered that!
[ Chandler mouths "FUCK!" ]
Eddie Sensation - He's letting go! He's got to come up with a way to keep Thorn occupied while he goes to get the EWA Lightweight Belt!
The Informer - But Thorn IS down at the moment clutching his kneecap! I don't know if the figure-four did the damage, or if it was that bump he took earlier on the concrete!
Vic Canon - Oh no guys! Chandler is putting the ladder in position! Call me a mark, but I haven't ever seen anyone climb a ladder with an injured knee!
Eddie Sensation - Mark.
The Informer - Good point, Vic! Chandler has the ladder in position, and he's trying to set it directly below the swaying EWA Lightweight Belt above us!
Vic Canon - It's kinda windy out here tonight! The atmosphere out here on the water is helping write a new definition to the term "Ladder Match"!
Eddie Sensation - CHANDLER'S SET! AND HE'S CLIMBING UP!
The Informer - MY GOODNESS... THORN IS STARTING TO STIR.. BUT HE'D BETTER GET MOVING!!
Vic Canon - THIS IS DO OR DIE TIME FOR THORN! MANY CRITICS HAVE SPOKEN HARSHLY ABOUT THIS MAN... BUT MANY FANS BELIEVE HE HAS WHAT IT TAKES TO TRULY BECOME THE EWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP! THIS IS THE TIME FOR THORN TO PROVE EVERYONE WRONG!!
Eddie Sensation - CHANDLER'S ON THE THIRD RUNG... BUT THORN IS UP!! THORN IS UP!!
The Informer - But..... what the hell is he...
Vic Canon - He's climbing the ropes??
Eddie Sensation - Hot damn! He must be totally out of it...
The Informer - I'LL SECOND THAT!!
Vic Canon - CHANDLER IS NEAR THE TOP!! HE'S GONNA DO IT!! CHANDLER IS GOING TO RETAIN HIS HEAVYWEIGHT STRAP BY GRABBING THE EWA LIGHTWEIGHT BELT...
Eddie Sensation - NOT ONLY IS THIS GONNA BE A MISTAKE BY THORN THAT COSTS HIM THE GOLD, BUT HE'S ALSO THROWING AWAY THE BRAGGING RIGHTS TO WHO JUST REALLY IS THE...
The Informer - WAIT!! WAIT!! WAIT!! THORN!! THORN!!
[ Thorn stands in position atop the top rope, and violently hurls his body in a cross-body lunge off the top directly into the side of the ladder. The ladder tips over, and Chandler is sent to straddle the ropes on his stomach with his head facing the outside of the ring... ]
Vic Canon - JESUS, SWEET JESUS!!! THORN IS A MANIAC!!!
Eddie Sensation - HOLY CRAP!! I'M TAKIN' IT ALL BACK, BOYS!!! HE MAY VERY WELL BE PROVING THAT HE'S THE BEST LIGHTWEIGHT IN THE EWA'S HISTORY!!!
The Informer - Thorn... he's holding his ribs... but where's he going now??
Vic Canon - AGAIN?? NO... NOT AGAIN??
Eddie Sensation - SOMEONE INFORM SKY TRAFFIC CONTROL... THORN IS GOIN' AIRBORN ONE MORE TIME!!!
The Informer - Chandler is still straddling he ropes on his stomach... he's been seriously injured here!
Vic Canon - GUYS!! THORN IS CLIMBING... MY GOD... YOU DON'T THINK HE'S GOING FOR WHAT I THINK HE'S GOING FOR, DO YOU??
Eddie Sensation - If our minds are chillin' on the same brainwaves buddy.... IT MAY JUST BE TIME FOR THE CROWN OF THORNS!! TO THE OUTSIDE!!
The Informer - YES!! YES!!! THAT'S EXACTLY IT!! THORN IS ON THE TOP... THESE FANS ARE GOING ABSOLUTELY INSANE!!!
Vic Canon - MY GOD!!! THIS IS HISTORY!!!
[ Thorn stands on the top rope and takes a deep breath and a long stare into the crowd... ]
Eddie Sensation - HERE IT COMES!!!! CROWN...... OF........ THOOOOORNS!!!!!
[ After a few moments of contemplation, Thorn jumps off the top to the outside with his leg extended, aiming for the back of Chandler's head. However, Chandler slips out at the last second, and Thorn's left leg makes high speed contact with the ring apron as his momentum sends him to the outside... ]
The Informer - NO!!! NO!!!!! HE MISSED!!! HE MISSED!!!
Vic Canon - THORN JUST MISSED THE CROWN OF THORNS TO THE OUTSIDE!!! NO!!!
Eddie Sensation - DID YOU SEE THAT?!! DID YOU SEE THAT???!!! HIS CAREER MIGHT VERY WELL BE OVER!!!
The Informer - THORN IS ON THE OUTSIDE... AND MY GOODNESS, HE HASN'T MOVED A MUSCLE!!
Vic Canon - CHANDLER IS UP, AND HE SMELLS VICTORY!!
Eddie Sensation - MY GOD... HE'S GOT THAT LADDER... this one is in the books! Wrap it up... Thorn is out of it... he needs medical attention! JUST GET SOMEONE OUT HERE NOW! His leg and spine struck the ring apron! I pray to God that Thorn is ok!
The Informer - IN THE RING! Chandler is setting up the ladder!
Vic Canon - This one is more than over. But all I care about right now is Thorn's condition! He's hasn't moved a muscle!
Eddie Sensation - Wait a sec... guys... Chandler...
[ The camera closes in on Chandler's face which is wearing a very demented smile. Suddenly, Chandler looks into the crowd and shakes his head "no" and walks toward Thorn on the outside... ]
The Informer - What?? Now what??
Vic Canon - HASN'T HE DONE ENOUGH??
Eddie Sensation - HE DOESN'T THINK SO! CHANDLER IS LEAVING THE RING... RIGHT IN FRONT OF US... NO... LEAVE HIM ALONE!!
The Informer - JUST GO GRAB YOUR BELT!! YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE!! YOU PSYCHOPATH!!
Vic Canon - He's lifting Thorn's lifeless body up by the hair... LOOK AT HIM YANKING AT THE ROOTS... WHAT KIND OF SICKO IS CLAYTON CHANDLER??
[ As Chandler begins to bring Thorn to his feet by his hair, he takes a glance over his shoulder and sees Nick Diamante standing up in the front row just feet away. Chandler laughs, and releases Thorn's hair... ]
Eddie Sensation - OH.................. OH MY.........
The Informer - NO!
Vic Canon - I have a feeling... oh God.... I've got a feeling that the worst has only begun...
[ Chandler, now sporting a serious look on his kisser, takes a few steps and gets into the face of Nick Diamante... ]
Eddie Sensation - THEY'RE GONNA FIGHT!! CHANDLER IS RIGHT IN DIAMANTE'S FACE!!
The Informer - WHY?? WHY?? CHANDLER'S RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH HERE... HIS GOLD IS ON THE LINE!!
Vic Canon - CHANDLER IS PROVOKING DIAMANTE! NICK SAID EARLIER THAT HE WASN'T HERE FOR A FIGHT....
[ Suddenly, Chandler slaps Nick Diamante right in the mouth! The crowd reacts with a huge "OOOOOOHHH!" Diamante stands facing the crowd holding his cheek with an enraged look on his faces as Chandler slides back into the ring laughing... ]
Eddie Sensation - WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?? CHANDLER SLAPPED DIAMANTE!!! WHAT IS HE NUTS??
The Informer - OH MY GOODNESS... HE MUST BE INSANE...
[ Diamante raises his head and begins to nod in the direction of the crowd. He quickly tears off his tropical-colored shirt, and flings it into the crowd. He jumps over the barrier, and walks over to the time keeper's table to grab a mic while staring at Chandler in the ring... ]
Vic Canon - OH CRAP! HE'S GOT THE MIC...
"THAT'S IT, BITCH! THE SANDALS ARE COMIN' OFF!" Eddie Sensation - HOLY CRAP!!!! HAHA!! WE’RE ABOUT TO SEE A WAR… DIAMANTE IS TAKING OFF HIS SANDALS….
The Informer - THESE MEN HAVEN’T BEEN IN THE SAME RING SINCE NO FEAR… AND NOW WE’RE GONNA GET TO SEE IT ONE MORE TIME!!
Vic Canon - THORN IS STILL OUT COLD ON THE OUTSIDE, BUT HE DOESN’T HAVE MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW!!
Eddie Sensation - DIAMANTE IS IN THE RING!! “THE DIAMOND STUD” IS IN THE RING ONCE AGAIN!!
The Informer - CHANDLER COMES RUNNING AT NICK… DIAMANTE DUCKS THE CLOTHESLINE ATTEMPT…
Vic Canon - OH!!! HE’S GOT HIM LOCKED…. URANAGI STYLE… THE HANDS ARE CLAMPED…
Eddie Sensation - ONE-ARMED OVERHEAD URANAGI SUPLEX!!! HOLY CRAP!! CHANDLER JUST FLEW!!
The Informer - NICK IS GOING TO THE CORNER… THE HECK??
Vic Canon - He’s up on the second turnbuckle…
Eddie Sensation - Chandler’s up! Chandler back to his feet! He’s running at Nick!!
The Informer - Nick’s jumps…. OH MY GOD!!! CORKSCREW HURRACONRANNA!!
Vic Canon - WHAT THE HELL HAS HE BEEN DOING IN THE OFF SEASON?? I’VE NEVER SEEN THIS MAN MOVE SO WELL!!!
Eddie Sensation - CHANDLER IS SENT TO THE OUTSIDE…
The Informer - “THE DIAMOND STUD”…. STILL IN THE RING… WHAT THE HELL IS ON HIS MIND??
Vic Canon - HE’S CLUTCHING THE TOP ROPE!!
Eddie Sensation - CHANDLER IS ON RUBBER-LEG STREET!!!
The Informer - WAIT!!! WAIT!! DIAMANTE FLIES!!!
Vic Canon - FLYING CROSS BODY FROM INSIDE THE RING!!! DIAMANTE IS BACK, AND HE AIN’T THE SAME GUY WE USED TO KNOW!!!
Eddie Sensation - RIGHT HANDS!!! RIGHT HANDS!! THESE GUYS ARE GOING NUTS!!!
The Informer - THEY’RE BOTH TRADING SOME OF THE STIFFEST FISTS I’VE EVER SEEN!!
Vic Canon - THIS IS HATRED AT IT’S BEST!!! THESE MEN HATE EACH OTHER IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY!!!
Eddie Sensation - THEY’RE BOTH BACK UP!!
The Informer - DIAMANTE SWINGS WITH A RIGHT… NO, CHANDLER DUCKS!!
Vic Canon - WHAM!!! HE CONNECTS!! CHANDLER… OH MY, DIAMANTE IS IN THE CROWD!!!
Eddie Sensation - CHANDLER JUST NAILED NICK WITH THE FLAT OF THE FOOT, RIGHT IN THE THROAT!! The World Champ’s thrust kick sends Diamante packing!
The Informer - AND CHANDLER IS GOING INTO THE CROWD WITH HIM!!! WE’VE GOT A BONUS MATCH WITHIN A MATCH GOING ON HERE!!!
Vic Canon - HEY GUYS!!! LOOK!! LOOK!!! THORN IS IN THE RING!!! HE’S ON HIS STOMACH INCHING FOR THE LADDER THAT CHANDLER SET UP EARLIER!!
Eddie Sensation - HOLY CRAP!!! IF CHANDLER DOESN’T KEEP HIS PRIORITIES IN CHECK… HE’S GONNA BE 20 POUNDS LIGHTER AT THE NEXT WEIGH-IN… ALL GOLD BABY!
The Informer - CHANDLER AND DIAMANTE… IN THE AUDIENCE… THIS IS DANGEROUS…
[ The camera has an extremely hard time trying to film Chandler and Diamante brawl amongst the fans… ]
Vic Canon - Where the heck are they??
Eddie Sensation - COME ON! We’re missing the fun here!!
The Informer - But meanwhile… in the ring!!! We’ve got Thorn, and he’s on his hands and knees now!
Vic Canon - I can’t believe this man is still alive! After that bump he took earlier! NO WAY! He’s super-human!
Eddie Sensation - Yeah! And in a couple of seconds, he’s gonna be up that ladder… NEW CHAMPION!
The Informer - Thorn is desperately trying to get up off the canvas using the ladder to support his weight! I don’t think his leg is going to co-operate much after missing the Crown of Thorns and nailing the apron!
Vic Canon - What’s that?
Eddie Sensation - ANOTHER CAMERA? YES!
[ The feed is suddenly switched to a split screen shot. A new camera man is following Diamante and Chandler who are now out of the crowd area and behind the fans… ]
The Informer - WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY??
Vic Canon - THIS IS EWA TECHNOLOGY AT IT’S BEST! ON THE RIGHT, WE’VE GOT A SHOT OF THORN ON THE RING! AND ON THE LEFT…
Eddie Sensation - I THINK THEY SEE THAT YOU IDIOT!!! CHANDLER AND DIAMANTE ARE GOING NUTS TRADING RIGHT HANDS… BUT JESUS CHRIST…
The Informer - BOTH MEN ARE DANGEROUSLY NEAR THE EDGE OF THE BOAT!! WE NEED TO GET SOME OFFICIALS OUT THERE BEFORE BOTH OF THESE MEN GO TUMBLING OVER THE SIDE!!
Vic Canon - No! Don’t even joke about that…
Eddie Sensation - THORN IS ON THE LADDER… HE’S ON THE LADDER…
The Informer - CHANDLER IS CHOKING DIAMANTE WITH BOTH HANDS!!! DIAMANTE HAS HIS BACK TO THE FLOOR… SHADES OF NO FEAR!!
Vic Canon - THIS IS UTTER CHAOS!!
Eddie Sensation - OH MY!!! THAT ONE WILL FREE ANYONE FROM ANY HOLD!!!
The Informer - DIAMANTE JUST KICKED CHANDLER RIGHT IN THE GROIN!!!
Vic Canon - AND DIAMANTE IS BACK ON HIS FEET!!
Eddie Sensation - THORN! THORN! THORN! THORN!! THE EWA LIGHTWEIGHT TITLE IS SWAYING IN THE AIR… WE’RE GONNA HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!!
The Informer - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??? DIAMANTE…. NO, DON’T TELL ME!!!
Vic Canon - IS HE INSANE!!! “THE DIAMOND STUD” NICK DIAMANTE HAS CHANDLER BY THE HEAD… AND HE’S POINTING OVER THE SIDE OF THE BOAT AND LOOKING INTO THE AUDIENCE!!!
Eddie Sensation - LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE CHEER!! WHAT ANIMALS!!
The Informer - WE’RE ABOUT TO SEE HISTORY IN THE MAKING HERE!!!
[ The camera takes a close up of Diamante and Chandler. Diamante yells “I hope you brought your trunks, asshole!” at Chandler as he has a firm grip of his hair… ]
Vic Canon - NO! NO! NO! DON’T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T DO IT!!!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - HOOOOOOOLLLLLYYY SHHHHHHIIIII………..
[ With 2 handfulls of hair, Diamante launches Chandler over the side of the boat… the fans on board begin to panic with a few crazed Diamante cheering… ]
The Informer -NO! NO! MAN OVERBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOARD…
Vic Canon -…
Eddie Sensation -…
The Informer -…
[ The fans onboard begin a “HOLY SHIT!…HOLY SHIT!” chant… ]
Vic Canon -…
Eddie Sensation -…
The Informer -…
Vic Canon -…
Eddie Sensation -…
[ “HOLY SHIT!…HOLY SHIT!…HOLY SHIT!…HOLY SHIT!” ]
The Informer - MY GOD!! WHAT THE HELL HAS JUST HAPPENED?? CHANDLER WENT OVER THE SIDE OF THE BOAT!!! NICK DIAMANTE JUST THREW CLAYTON CHANDLER OVERBOARD!!!
Vic Canon - IN THE RING!! IN THE RING!!! THORN!!! THORN!!!
Eddie Sensation - NEW CHAMPION!!! NEW CHAMPION!! THORN HAS THE LIGHTWEIGHT TITLE!!! WE HAVE A NEW EWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!!
Chris Myers - Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match… AND NEW EWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… THHHHHOOOOOOOOORNNNN!!!!
[ “HOLY SHIT!…HOLY SHIT!…HOLY SHIT!…HOLY SHIT!” ]
The Informer - HE DID IT!!! HE DID IT!! THORN HAS BECOME CHAMPION OF THE EXTREME WRESTLING ASSOCIATION!!
Vic Canon - BUT… MY GOD!!! CHANDLER WAS SENT OVERBOARD BY DIAMANTE!! WE’VE GOT A HEARD OF OFFICIALS ESCORTING DIAMANTE TO THE BACK… AND WE’VE GOT OFFICIALS TOSSING CHANDLER THE LIFE RAFT…
Eddie Sensation - My God… I hope he’s ok…
The Informer - I don’t know whether to be excited for Thorn or devastated for Chandler right now…
Vic Canon - HEY!! GUYS!! GUYS!! TOM STONE!!! TOM STONE!! STONE IS OUT HERE… AND HE’S TELLING THOSE OFFICIALS TO RESTRAIN DIAMANTE AND CUFF HIM!!
Eddie Sensation - HE LOOKS PISSED!!! I HAVE NEVER SEEN A LOOK OF RAGE SO INTENSE ON THE FACE OF TOM STONE BEFORE!!
The Informer - CAN YOU BLAME HIM??
Vic Canon - WATCH OUT!! HE’S HEADING OUR WAY!!
Eddie Sensation - TOM STONE IS WALKING WITH PURPOSE RIGHT NOW!!
The Informer - I’M NOT STANDING IN HIS WAY!!
Vic Canon - HE’S GOING TO THE TIME KEEPER’S TABLE… get him a mic!
Eddie Sensation - That’s exactly what he’s going for!
The Informer - NO! What the hell! Tom Stone just yanked the EWA World Heavyweight Title belt away from Chris Myers!
Vic Canon - WHAT’S GOING ON HERE???
Eddie Sensation - STONE!!! HE’S GONNA TALK!!
Tom Stone - NO! OH HELL NO!! I DON’T THINK SO!! WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE?? ARE WE ALL A BUNCH OF ANIMALS??
[ “HOLY SHIT!…HOLY SHIT!…HOLY SHIT!…HOLY SHIT!” ]
Tom Stone - DIAMANTE, I DON’T KNOW WHO THE HELL INVITED YOU… BECAUSE IT SURE AS HELL WASN’T ME! BUT THANKS TO YOU… I’M OFFICIALLY VOIDING THE DECISION OF THIS MATCH!! YOU WANNA INTERFERE, BIG MAN?? YOU WANNA TOSS INNOCENT PEOPLE OFF THE SIDE OF MY BOAT!? THAT’S FINE WITH ME!! BUT YOU JUST COST THORN HIS TITLE… THE OFFICIAL RESULT OF THIS MATCH IS A NO CONTEST!! TAKE THAT FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH!!
The Informer - NO!! HE CAN’T DO THAT!!
Vic Canon - HE JUST DID!!! WHAT A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE!! TOM STONE JUST USED ALL HIS POWERS TO KEEP THE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE IN TEAM BALLZ!
Eddie Sensation - But guys, can you seriously blame him?? I mean, come on…
The Informer - Look! This whole thing would have never happened if Chandler didn’t get in Diamante’s face! You know it!
Vic Canon - That’s right! Nick made it clear that he was here just to relax and be a part of history! Not to attack anyone, and not to fight!
Eddie Sensation - But he didn’t have to throw Chandler off the side of the boat for God’s sake!
The Informer - Speaking of Chandler… I’m being told he’s fine…
Vic Canon - Thank God!
The Informer - Yes… the crew on board has got the life preserver over to Chandler, and they’re doing his best to bring him in…
Eddie Sensation - Is he hurt? Do we know that for sure?
The Informer - Well, from what I’m being told he’s conscious… thankfully his landing doesn’t seem to have been all that bad!
Vic Canon - Guys, can you believe this?? Look at Thorn… he’s being helped by officials! He’s worse-for-wear! Chandler was thrown off of a boat! My God! Diamante is back, but after his actions of tonight… who knows for how long?
Eddie Sensation - This night is crazy! That’s all I’ve got to say!
The Informer - And it’s not over yet, guys!
The Informer - Well fans, we're almost coming to the end of this month's Pay-Per-View extravaganza.... so it's time to show you what our next one will look like!
Its September! You know what that means! BACK... TO... SCHOOL!
New rivalries begin... Old ones continue... But on September 17th, THEY WILL BE SETTLED! The Extreme Wrestling Association proudly presents RIVAL SCHOOLZ, LIVE from Dallas, Texas... ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW!
Vic Canon - There you have it! The EWA's next Pay Per View will be live from The Reunion Arena in Dallas, Texas... RIVAL SCHOOLZ!
Eddie Sensation - Damn! That preview is already making me all hard n' shit!
The Informer - HAHA!!!
EWA International Title Triple Threat Match
Serial Thrylla vs. Nomad vs. Ethan TylerThe Informer - Well, here we are.... the.... main event...?
Vic Canon - Like I said earlier in the show... we have more than 4 matches that could be the main event of tonight's Pay-Per-View! It just happens to be this one!
Eddie Sensation - Well, we've got Serial Thrylla, Nomad, and Ethan Tyler all in one match... damn! This should be good!
The Informer - Lets send it backstage to Rachel Stevens, who's with Ethan Tyler!
Pre-Match Interview with Ethan Tyler Rachel Stevens - Standing next to me is a low down dirty thief who I've been forced to interview...
Ethan Tyler - "The Underground Hero" Ethan Tyler would have done dear..... But a nice intro nevertheless....
Rachel Stevens - What the hell is your motivation for stealing the International Title and ruining a tag team match like you did on Heat last week?
Ethan Tyler - Rachel dear, it's simple.... Look at my career since I've been here, it's been nothing but surprises..... I turn up at Breakdown with no one knowing who the hell I was, and I turned the EWA on it's head, after all, you've never had someone just show up on the top of the show and do what I did, especially someone you don't know.... But I changed that two weeks later, do you remember how Rachel?
Rachel Stevens - Who could forget? You vandalized EWA property, topping it all off by destroying the video wall!
Ethan Tyler - Correct, and the fun didn't stop there.... After losing a couple of matches, I got sick of it and surprised everyone by breaking my "no hardcore" rule by killing a couple of jobbers.... Of course, it doesn't compare to me doing what I did as I fought for my job at Global Threat 2000 th-
Rachel Stevens - Let's talk about that match, how you singlehandedly destroye-
Ethan Tyler - Let's not.. I beat him, secured my job, enough said. But Rachel, I did not stop with the surprises... I came out two weeks later and beat Nomad, so technically, this title is mine as much as his.... Oh, did I also mention I shocked everyone by special reffing the tag match last week?
Rachel Stevens - Well Mr. Tyler, you remember what happened the last time someone stole Nomad's title, he got his ass beat.
Ethan Tyler - Well, do I look like someone who will lay down and die? Listen Goth Boy, you didn't get the job done the first time, and the way I see it, I'm 2-0..... Now I just got to make it official.
Rachel Stevens - But Ethan, where does Serial Thrylla fit into all of this?
Ethan Tyler - I'll admit, I'm jealous of Thrylla, but it's not because of his success, his legacy, or anything he's accomplished.... I'm jealous of his timing.... You see Thrylla, if it wasn't for you, then I would have been Tom's number one prioritiy and would have cut through the bullshit A LOT faster. But you decided to turn your back on a nation and join your old pal Clay-San.... Who, if I may add takes a clothesline like a puss. Gentlemen, Goths, and Ballzites, get ready, because it's time... You know what time it is, right Rachel?
Rachel Stevens - Time for you to get out of this fed?
Ethan Tyler - Far from it sweet cakes... It's time for the Underground to go...... MAINSTREAM!
Rachel Stevens - Oh fuck you....
Ethan Tyler - What?
Rachel Stevens - I said G'luck to you..
Ethan Tyler - Thanks babes....
[ Ethan slaps Rachel's ass who takes major offense to it and he walks off laughing as she storms away ]
Chris Myers - This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Triple Threat International Title Match!
[ "Fire up the Shoesaw" by Lionrock blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Introducing first... standing 6'3" and weighing in at 246 pounds, from Portland, Oregon, "The Underground Hero" Ethan Tyler!
[ "The Underground Hero" Ethan Tyler steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
Vic Canon - Lets send it backstage again...
Pre-Match Interview with Serial Thrylla Rachel Stevens - I refuse to do this.. You and that psycho sicken me.
Tom Stone - Alright then, it's coming out of your pay check then. Boys in the truck, cut it back to Thrylla.
[ Cut back to Thrylla backstage, right behind the curtain... ]
Serial Thrylla - Short and sweet... In just a view short minutes... Ethan Tyler and Nomad become two new victims. Nomad, I don't need your International title, but I'll take it if I have to. As for the bush leaguer... Tonight is your 15 minutes of fame condensed into 3 seconds of humiliation. If you can't handle that, too god damn bad.
[ "Everything's Cool" by PWEI blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - Next... standing 6'2" and weighing in at 237 pounds, from Syracuse, New York, Serial Thrylla!
[ Serial Thrylla steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
[ "Time Bomb" by Godsmack blasts through the speakers... ]
Chris Myers - And finally... standing 6'2" and weighing in at 256 pounds, from New York, New York, the EWA International Champion, Nomad!
[ The EWA International Champion, Nomad steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring. ]
Eddie Sensation - And all three men are in the ring!
The Informer - I know that I've said this many times before, but DAMN! LOOK AT THAT RING! We have the first EWA Heavyweight Champion, the first EWA International Champion, and quite possibly the NEXT legend to grow from the EWA.... Ethan Tyler! Fans, there's not more that you could add to this match! It has greatness written all over it!
Vic Canon - That's one way of saying it! Well, there's the bell! This match is underway!
Eddie Sensation - Wait a minute... something's going on here.... what's the referee doing?
The Informer - It looks like the ref is.... is... what the hell?! He's DEMANDING a Pre-Match handshake between the three!!!
Vic Canon - Is he out of his mind?! They'll NEVER do that!
Eddie Sensation - All three guys are in their respective corners....
The Informer - Nomad is pointing at Serial Thrylla, and asking for the crowds opinion! They're booing like crazy! They hate Serial Thrylla!
Vic Canon - The fans are trying to tell Nomad not to trust him! But the referee is standing there, DEMANDING they shake hands!
Eddie Sensation - Thrylla and Nomad are slowly walking up to eachother.... they're now only about 5 feet away from eachother!
The Informer - And look at Ethan Tyler! He's the innocent one, just standing there watching!!
Vic Canon - Their hands are now INCHES apart! Aaaaaaaand.....
Eddie Sensation - THEY SHAKE!
The Informer - Wait a minute.... Serial Thrylla just dropped to his knees! And he's yelling something!
Vic Canon - WHAT?!?! HE JUST SAID "I SUBMIT, END THE DAMN MATCH!!!! END THE MATCH!!!"
Eddie Sensation - AND THERE'S THE BELL!!!!
Chris Myers - Serial Thrylla has been eliminated!
The Informer - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?!? ETHAN TYLER IS JUST AS CONFUSED AS ALL OF US!!!
Vic Canon - CHECK OUT THRYLLA AND NOMAD!!! THEY'RE SLOWLY WALKING UP TO ETHAN TYLER!!!
Eddie Sensation - LOOK OUT!!!!
The Informer - OOOH!!! DOUBLE KNIFE-EDGE CHOP!!!! THAT WAS VICIOUS!!! ETHAN TYLER GOES DOWN!!!!
Vic Canon - AND NOMAD IS GOING FOR THE COVER!!! 1....... 2...... 3!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - WHAT!?!?!?!?!??!
Chris Myers - The winner of this match, and STILL EWA International Champion... Nomad!
The Informer - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???? THE REFEREE JUST GAVE NOMAD HIS TITLE..... AND...... NO!!!!! OH NO!!!! ALL THREE MEN ARE CELEBRATING IN THE RING!!!!!!
Vic Canon - WHAT?!?!? THEY'VE ALL JOINED TOGETHER?!?!?
Eddie Sensation - YUP!!! AND HERE COMES TOM STONE, WITH TWO BRAND NEW TEAM BALLZ JERSEYS!!!!
The Informer - OH NO!!! THIS IS HORRIBLE!!! NOMAD AND ETHAN TYLER HAVE JOINED TEAM BALLZ!!!! WHO'S GOING TO STOP THEM NOW?!?!?!
Vic Canon - I DONT THINK ANYONE CAN!!!!
Eddie Sensation - HAHAHA!!! WHAT A MOMENT!!!! LOOK AT THEM FOUR!! THEY BELONG TOGETHER!!!!
The Informer - AND NOW THE RING IS BEING LITTERED WITH TRASH!!! THE FANS ARE LETTING THEM KNOW WHAT THEY THINK OF THEM!!!
[ Suddenly, the lights dim and a large spotlight shines on the entrance ramp. "Rock Is Dead" by Marilyn Manson begins to play. Suddenly, "The Hustler" Marty Delaney walks out wearing a 3D T-Shirt... ]
Vic Canon - HEY! LOOK!! ITS THE HUSTLER!!! MARTY DELANEY IS BACK!!!!!
Eddie Sensation - WHATS WITH THAT 3D SHIRT?!?! AND WHATS WITH THIS OLD 3D MUSIC???
[ The music continues, and "The Original Outlaw" Vince Di Nardo walks out from behind the curtain, also wearing a 3D T-Shirt... ]
Vic Canon - AND THERE'S VINNY D.... VINCE DI NARDO! ALSO WEARING A 3D SHIRT!
Eddie Sensation - What the hell is this?? Rememberance day?? 3D is DEAD!
[ And finally, out from the curtain comes DEUCE, wearing a 3D T-Shirt... ]
Vic Canon - WAIT A MINUTE..... DELANEY, DI NARDO, DEUCE..... IS THIS 3D?!?!?!?
Eddie Sensation - HOLY SHIT!!! I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE THAT!!!!
The Informer - ARE THE 3D BACK??? AND ARE THEY HERE TO FIGHT OFF TEAM BALLZ FOR THE EWA???
Vic Canon - I'M NOT SURE OF THAT, BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT WE'RE OUT OF TIME!!!!
Eddie Sensation - DAMMIT! WE ALWAYS HAVE TO CUT OFF WHEN IT GETS GOOD!
The Informer - FANS, WE'LL SEE YOU IN 10 DAYS ON TUESDAY NIGHT HEAT! DONT MISS IT!!! FOR VIC CANON AND EDDIE SENSATION, THIS IS THE INFORMER SAYING SO LONG!!!!!!!
